What's the best thing about UDP jokes?

I don't care if you get them.

Mehhhhh

Developers sound like psychotic sewing serial killers.

Always taking about strings and threads or killing parents, children and detaching heads.

Finally reached it

My job requires us to use Mac. I've spent the week figuring how to get stuff done on it.

My best description of trying to code on mac is that it's kinda like having to extract your mangled penis from a blender before you bleed to death... Except you can't look directly at it, you have to wear a VR headset that's linked to a camera in the corner of the room.

And you can't use your hands directly you have to use an incredibly stylish and ergonomic looking steering wheel to control a robotic arm. The robotic arm has its own artificial intelligence and it desperately wants to help.

Unfortunately it doesn't understand anything about what you're trying to do and it keeps leaping to incorrect conclusions about what you want from it.

Everyone tells you it'll get better, but you're still in intense pain and your penis is still stuck in the blender.

!rant

Decided to get myself a (rubber)ducking buddy.
Say hello to Buck.

Open plan office. Distraction hell.

Phones ringing. Endless people walking past. People talking shite nearby. Constant interruption in one form or another.

My girlfriend sent me out to buy basil for soup... Had no choice so I went. At the mall entrance, 4 interactive digital signage panels. Used one to check for the supermarket's locations and saw that a display corner was flickering. The app was grabbing the full screen but had a bug with the windows' task bar. Messed with it a couple of minutes, stopped app and... Surprise! Windows 7, logged as administrator... I had to go to disk management... I really had to.

PS: gf said that I should be ashamed of what I did...

There are two kind of people: People with 0 unread emails and people with 2549 unread ones.

When I get a dog, I'm naming it "Sudo".

FUCK YOU INTERFACE BUILDER.
FUCK YOU XCODE.
FUCK YOU APPLE.

int main()
{
bool NeedPoints = true;
int Points = 0;
if (NeedPoints)
{
Points++;
if (Points > 10)
{
CreateAvatar();
NeedPoints = false;
}
}
}

Dance like noone is watching.
Encrypt like everyone is.
Sudo like you have backups.
Tag like you're a SEO.
Vim like you know how to exit.
Ticket frontend like you're the project manager.
Commit like saying "fuck you" in the message is appropriate.
Alert like you would use console.log
Design like you know CSS.
Comment like you aren't the only dev.
Code like PHP isn't outdated.

And finally:

Try to work like you know how to quit devrant.

Starting to feel that devRant is a really nice place to hang out.

Even though we have differences in languages (C#, PHP, JavaScript, JAVA), culture (semi brackets, tabs and spaces) and tools (Sublime, vim, nano, Atom) but we strive to be a better coder by encouraging one another or ranting to blow some steam.

Like seriously guys, you guys are awesome! It feels that I am becoming more human by visiting devRant (or maybe I'm turning into AI).

I really hate people who prefer this coding style:

if (condition)
{
// something shitty here
}

Instead of this:

if(condition){
// perfectly clean code
}

"IT BROKEN!", the QA tester spoke in unintelligible broken English.

The developer asked for more details.

Then the QA person attempted to explain the problem in a surge of verbal diarrhea and horrible English.

Why do we hire people who don't speak the language of the development team as our QA people? I have nothing against devs and qa guys from India...but it makes my job really difficult when I can't even begin to understand what you are telling me, or even worse...you just tell me "IT BROKEN!" and don't give me a single bit of useful information on how to reproduce the error.

There was this wonderful QA person I used to work with. Her name was Ranjana. She was a beautiful Indian girl with two children, and the best QA person I ever worked with. She took screenshots, grabbed logs, and gave steps to reproduce everything she found. And then one day at stand up we were told she had died. And since then...there has been no one who has ever come close to her level of excellence.

Freelance programmers