Algorithm: “Choose the blueberry muffins. Or, maybe the dogs. I dunno, I need more help here.”

Yes yes yes
Let's spend countless hours writing painful spaghetti that generates a financial report, extend that spaghetti for specs, then not bother to check the amounts or status. or where it says the money went. Nope, checking non-unique names is totally good enough. We're so good at this. Ten points to the legendaries.

Let's also make the object factories not create the objects correctly, and make sure that report includes entries for orders that don't include any actual payments. Oh, their status? "Ready to send" of course! Let's send that totally valid $0.00 to nobody!

Oh, but Root. Root, root, root. You can't ADD payments to this. no no no. if you do, it'll break specs everywhere else that uses that factory! Shame on you for suggesting it.

Pssh, now you want to make a payment just for this report? Why would you do that? Our best devs have been working on this for years! What could you possibly know that they don't? No, they're perfect. Don't touch them. Just make them better, okay? No take, only throw!

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

*About to start an important call with the client*

Neighborhood dogs: "Now is a good time for us to start barking for no reason"

It's pouring cats and dogs in Mumbai since a week. For the uninitiated, these are regular monsoon rains for the costal city.

And some motherfucker stole my umbrella from the office.

Thankfully when I left, rains had halted and I was able to commute home without getting wet.

Tomorrow when the fucker gets it back, I am gonna make them stand in rain for an hour.

Why do programmers prefer dogs over cats? Because dogs have a catch() method!

Ideal dev job would be to work on pretty/girly fashion or cosmetics websites, have drama free and knowledgeable co-workers, decent salary, great organization, external training opportunities, cute modern office, dogs, cats and a cafe on site, a dope recharge room & no talking to clients ever.

Years ago I made a meme about eating dogs.
My detractors have continued to hound me to this very day.

Oh look a beautiful woman behind the counter and an absence of dogs and stupid people

People all over the world own dogs as pets. In some places in the world people eat dogs.

Is it okay to feed your pet dog the scraps left over from eating dog?

I also pointed out to a coworker that New York has huge rats. I then said: "street steak".
The response was: "Why?!"

Are people really this predictable now ? If so is it because they're used to accepting instruction on how to act down to the minute being baited and trained like dogs ? Or is this natural to everyone ?

I sure as hell didn't grow up like them
But they're idiocy started kind of awhile ago

I just realized being alive in this life is actually a punishment. Who enjoys this life if they are not rich? Wtf.

I have to spend thousands of dollars for my dogs treatment because hes sick. Those greedy vets are fucking disgusting. I dont have energy to talk about how money hungry they are and not actually helping.

Literally giving away my last dollars to help my dog. These doctors don't give a Fuck if hes gonna survive they are here just to milk as much money as they can from me. Im fuckijg sick of this life and world. I didnt sign up for this struggle.