#wife {
right: 100%;
}

Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.

when you get locked out of your accounts, because you can't prove you're human

Anyone work with other developers who take 3 times as long as you to do things, spend all day talking, get nothing done, so you have to pick up the slack? Fucking annoying.

Why is it that everytime, as a back-end developer, I want to dive into a simple front-end topic or technique which can perfectly be done in plain JavaScript, I need 27 different libraries and packages according to nearly all tutorials..

It really crushes my motivation and is just ridiculous.

Showed devRant to my colleagues...

Least productive day at the office in weeks

When you haven't pulled from master in a week or two and then you do and there's no conflict with the big set of changes you're working on

No matter how fast I code, I cannot make up for your lack of planning skills....

<rant>
*Rules For Work*

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

</rant>

When your client still need your work to be tested in IE7....next, should I ask whether I need to test it in Netscape?

I wonder how bad we're all getting bashed on PMRant

(tl:dr at the bottom)
context:
my partner programming skills are pretty basic and he does not work in software development. instead he is in the largest (and only) electricity company here.
history:
one day his boss ask him "hey, do you know how to use google maps?"
Partner: "yeah, what do u need?"
His boss: "great! please make 10,000 routes with these coordinates, i need them for tomorrow"
Partner: "WTF!" ,grab his phone and call me, "(explains me te situation) dude, can you make like a script or something?"
Me: "Sure, but we'll need a loooot of coffee"
We spent 18 hours developing a routes generator with java-fx, mysql and JS.
Next day we went to deliver those routes and to "show" the system. They told us that after searching for 6-7 months, they wasnt able to find such a solution as ours.
Next day, I took a plane to this company HQ (My partner was food-sick, so i had to be there by my own), had a meeting with the TOP Bosses (on of them arrived in a Helicopter, lots of body-guards) and after a 3-4 hours, just like that, we had our first Big Contract with a huge ass company.

tl;dr:
we ended making an 8 months national project with the biggest and only electricity company with an 18hrs-developed system.

Did u get it ?

2 beers is the optimal coding environment

How to solve a problem in 7 steps.
1. Google
2. Open links
3. Read
4. Copy
5. Paste
6. Run
7. Repeat until solve

Two reasons why I love devRant.
1. None of my clients are here so I can say what I want.
2. Everyone gets my geeky ass jokes that usually only I laugh at.

Dev deploys new CSS.

Client: I can't see the changes PANIC.

Dev: clear your cache!

Client: oh that's better. Now can we do that for all user?

Dev:😱

We'll just put the Git repository in Dropbox. That way we have two version controls!

A guy is sitting at a bar when the guy next to him lights up a cigarette. Horrified, the guy turns to him and says "hey! Don't you know the surgeon general warns that cigarettes can cause cancer!?" The guy next to him replies "I'm a software developer, I don't care about warnings. Only errors"

That moment when you already used i, j and k for variable names in your loops.

Dev: we have two days until go live. We got 20 bugs, 5 stories and two people on holiday.

PM: ok so could we get these 3 stories squeezed in as well?

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

Does anyone else suddenly lose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?