*sees new trendy language*

- language is as fast as c
- cross platform
- extensive libraries, tools and tutorials
- easy to learn
- conceptually well thought-out

*doesn't like syntax*

oh well...

Ping: 0ms

Why the fuck would you make PHP Bitwise operations a large part of a "pHp sKiLl aSeSmeEnT"

Why the fuck would anyone use them?

I love starting my day by finding things like this in a production environment...

A non-techie just asked me this, "when your computer overheats, why does it freeze?"

"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use regular expressions.' Now they have two problems."
-Jamie Zawinski

I am having murderous feeling and wanting to throw everything around me. The fucking internet is slower than a dickless dude to get erection.

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a programmer are riding in a car.

The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.

"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time."

"Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I think it's the electrical system. Let me have a look and I'll get us going again in a minute or two."

"Hold on," says the computer engineer. "Why don't we all just get out of the car and get in again, and then see if it starts?"

Alternate punchlines:

"Why don't we open and close all the windows, and then see if it starts?"

"Why don't we remove parts from the engine until it starts successfully?"

This is my mug @work.
Custom made, it expresses my feelings to a T.

You think dating is hard? I eat dates for breakfast.

No, the fruit.

Keep backups in a safe place ;)

My doggo and my daughter...

Hmm... 🤔

That moment ;)

Me: *has problem, goes through hours worth of crazy complicated troubleshooting and tests to try and fix problem*

Literally anyone: have you tried the that super basic thing that you're supposed to do every time you start?

Me: oH GoDdAMMIT!!

I have my doubts of being a good developer when my fingers type this thing

Just checking if a string contains itself

Does anyone else wonder why production builds fail when it gets closer to releases? That shit happens a lot!

Team Lead: Anyone has any concern on their tasks? I'll see what I can do to help.
Me: Yeah I'm afraid I would not be able to finish my task on time because of its complexity.
Team Lead: Try harder.

What's the point of asking?

15 mins after finding out a critical bug (we are releasing 3 days from now)

Me: Have u found the root cause of the bug?
Teammate: Yes
Me: So, are we fucked?
Teammate: Teammate is typing...
Me:
*Closes chat window*
*Locks the computer*
*Flies back to home country*

Today my roomate told me about his classmate who asked a really nice question " why do we need a MAC address in a WINDOWS machine". They are in a masters course for network security.

Next time I see a constructor with 22 parameters. I'm gonna report whoever wrote that to the police

Unbelievable...

My company bought me a new laptop. It has 2 512 GB SSDs.

Our IT set it up with windows 10.
ON BOTH SSD.

OM fucking G. How dump you have to be to install windows 10 two times in the same machine? What kind of mental illness is this?

Like a punch in the face

Found this quote from a really awesome person on the internet.
Can't agree more on the last sentence.

Fuck windows started my laptop went to the toilet and now I have a BSOD

Do you want a class to never EVER be deleted?

Just add in the comments that it's "temporary".

Last Friday I banged my head on this search engine algorithm that I was working on that was not indexing properly. For 2 freaking hours I was stuck on this one bug, until I gave up.

Yesterday I went at it again. Took me 5 minutes to fix the bug and finish the changes.

The power of a rested mind...

So Android P is now Android Pie...
Seems kinda boring after the last couple.

Thoughts?

I don't think I've EVER wanted to hit the insert key.

"You know what would be great?"
"What?"
"If typing erased what you've already done so you can't actually edit anything"
"Sounds pretty great"

Been stuck with a fucking 13mbit internet connection shared between three people for the past seven years. Lived cheap in a nice location, so it was worth it, still frustrating af. Finally moved, new city, new place, new internet. Currently sitting on 300mbit at home. Downloaded update for car nav, 25gb, took about 15 minutes, where it would previously have taken all day. Feels fucking good man.