Client doesn't have any idea what pages/links they want for their website. Same client told me to call the guy who recommended me to him for the project brief...wtf...I mean WTF!!!

Is it coincidental that the two most important keys that help us devs build our CVs, the C and V keys are inline on our keyboards? And look at that Ctrl key...That's what happens after too many rounds of copying and pasting...All hail Ctrl, C and V keys

Oh my effing goodness...just went through the repo of an app we're working on and this new dev in our team saved his commits with, "ok", "done", "fixed", "another one", "arrggghhh!", "wow!"..."not complete"...for fucks sakes...DUDE!

Sent a corrupt .rar file to a client's nephew/cousin to upload on their server (he managed the hosting account) in a bid to buy myself some time to finish the project. It worked! I was given the login details to upload the work myself the next morning. They didn't understand Git.

Use Wix for this

Client: "We don't rank for {competitive keyword}. What is wrong with your code? Or is it the design?"
Me: "I'm the designer, not the SEO guy"***sits client down to explain SEO

*yesterday*
Client: "Perfect! How did you do this so quickly?"
Me: "I used a library"
*today*
Me: "I'm still debugging. It will take some time"
Client: "Well, it has already taken too long...I can hear Mozart in the background. Maybe you need to go to a library to get some quiet and get it done fast. Visit the one you used yesterday."
Me: "Library?...Ah, I meant plugin...like, code...a library is a bunch of packaged code"