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Me: my computer is dead, are you using the iMac?
Sister: your computer is dead because of the coding! Even my friend agrees that coding causes viruses17 -
I was writing a Python code and my teacher saw. She knows nothing about programming so she asked if I was programming a bomb to blow up a building... Smh.29
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Today at class
CS Friend : "Why is your Windows looks different?"
Me : " Oh its not Windows, im running Linux"
CS Friend : " What is Linux?"
Me : "..." smh8 -
I need to hide myself, my computer, programming skills and computer knowledge from people. Then only, I will be safe..
Friend: Heeey, you're good with computers right?
Me: No! 😑
Friend: Come-on bro. I know you are.
Me: What do you want?
Friend: I want you to check and book flights for me for country X.
Me: Are you ok? How does this have anything to do with someone being good with computers and stuff?
Friend: Haha, see? You're good with computers. *starts laughing. Anyway, since you're good, you can find the best prices. I know you know how to search sites and how to find things online.
Me: WTF?!?!!! All, you have to do is type in your search. If you don't like the results, you simply refine it.
Friend: See, all this tech stuff I'm not really good at it.
Me: But you're good at searching for other things online, right? Do the same for your flights.
*Picks my laptop and walks away.
How can a young man not be able to search for flights online but knows how to use several gadgets. Nonsense.9 -
When you're just coding away in some Coffee Shop and some random guy/girl asks you
"are you trying to hack the wifi" smh12 -
Started using longer passphrases for logins, colleague starts to tell people I'm doing bad things because"no one needs a password that long"
I get reprimanded by my boss
How the hell does this even happen smh13 -
PM: Hey Brod, I know your really busy refactoring to ES6 but I think our Ruby app broke, could you fix it?..
Me: Ask Tom, he's the only one here who knows ruby he wrote the app..
PM: I didn't want to interrupt his Skype call.
Me: he's not on Skype, that's his face, he's taking snapchats.
PM: oh, well I don't want to really interrupt that either.
SAY YOU HATE ME. JUST SAY IT.8 -
When your school project team fails to deliver 3 times in a row because of their incompetency and they're the sole reason for your failing grades
8 -
"We don't need to invest in security - noone is going to hack us anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - fire is not going to start here anyway"
We don't need to invest in security - everything is public anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - our buildings are made out of straws anyway"
-- my thoughts after seing a line in client's spec: "sensitive data is transferred via a secure tcp channel (https) and all the public data is transferred via an unencrypted tcp (http) channel"3 -
Client: I need html code for this search bar *attaches png*
Me: Ok. I will send you the code. HTML is just for front end views.
Client: ok. I will place an order, you can send it over *places order*
Me: *copy 6 lines of code from bootsnipp*
*make some changes*
*submit to client*
Client: Thanks but when I press the search icon it does not display the relevant records.
Me: *smh*4 -
Didnt expect a reputable bank to do testing in this manner. Damn you Axis Bank, your system is supposed to be the best. Smh. 😩
1 -
left a company over 3 years ago because they wanted me to dumb my code down so that the other devs could understand it. they wouldn't allow me to use classes in my code lol. anyway, 3+ years later figured I would try to log in to some of the admin panels... passwords still the same. MySQL dbs... passwords the same... cpanel... passwords the same. smh. even if I still worked there the passwords should be changed every so often. top notch security right there. funniest part is they don't even do backups or use VCS for the code. sad sad company. glad I'm no longer there. my personal projects have more security, redundancy and fail over lol4
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So I found a HDD in a trash bin, plugged it to a USB, and I found this while browsing shit
Either its previous owner is hiding something or is just a lonely man and promptly forgot where his ahem... interesting stuff was stored.
I only backuped what I need and erased the damn thing btw, its now a spare drive
16 -
Just found another forum message from someone that doesn't understand Java and JavaScript. They said JavaScript is the code that Java runs....I thought we fixed these people.4
-
Boss: don't worry about the architecture, it's an one-off project, just make it work...
2 months later...
Boss: hey, remember that one-off project? we need to add in a few more features... Also can we reuse that code for this new one-off project we have to do for this new client?3 -
Person: How are you?
Me: *googles,,, 'how to respond to a how are you questions'*
Me to Me: What is happening to me???!! I need help!!!
Also Me: *Posts about it on devrant*12 -
HR: What was the last project you handled?
Me: I worked on an internal system for my current company. It is basically an interdepartmental monitoring system.
HR: Ohh. Good. Do you have a copy of it? Can you show me how it works?
Me: ......5 -
Recruiters now a-days :
Recruiter : I noticed you have java script experience on your resume, we’re looking for a junior Java developer with 7 years of experience
Me : -_____________-4 -
Oh right! This function has only 1 line, this will be easy to fix.
Wait...
What!?
It's a mile long!5 -
The client said meeting was Monday at 9:30AM. My fault was forgetting to ask what Monday of the year it was. It's already past 11AM and still no sign of them. smh7
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Used to build custom computers... Used to get calls from pissed off people that their cup holder was poorly designed and broke off... One guy even called about it a second time... After we explained what this was for and replaced the part.... SMH
10 -
One of a developer's worst nightmare:
their headphones that they use in work is broken/doesn't work3 -
So I was strolling around some open source project on GitHub, this particular one had thousands of issues. A lot of them were closed by the maintainer with comments like "I can't reproduce it", "It's working fine for me", "Pretty sure you have some bad configurations on your machine", et cetera, smh
4 -
I hate this work from home shit with your family around. "You're always in front of the computer, go workout, go socialize, its family time"
What part of "work from home" you don't understand. SMH!9 -
"Wanted: Dangerous PHP Developer"
I edit on live during peak hours with no backups using basic Notepad over an unencrypted network. That dangerous enough?4 -
last week was the funniest week in my damn life.
so apparently, some of friend knew about i can make some mobile applications, lets just call her riri. and that week, riri's Instagram account got hacked.
whats so funny about it? she ask me to get her account back or she'll accuse me as the one who hacked her account.
when i ask her, how could i bring her account back, she replied with, "why would you ask me? you were the one who good at computer thingy"
SO?
if i can drive a car, you'll assuming that i can make a car and repair it myself?
haha, funny6 -
Don't you just love it when you're pitching new project ideas and there's always that one negative person that has to find something to complain about?
They literally said to me "But what if the user runs out of battery? that will make the application useless for them"
At this point it just feels like this person is turning down every idea for the sake of turning them down.8 -
Auth Endpoint:
user name and password correct:
- response 200: with session key and profile info
user name and password incorrect:
- response 200: blank
smh -
nothing like being interviewed by non-devs for a dev role. the words experience and samples go right out the window and all they care about is do you have a degree because a piece of paper proves you can code and not your actual code. smh3
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!dev
So my friend (a girl) just posted a selfie, and someone (guy) asked in the comment “You haven’t take a shower?”. For fuck sake she’s just wearing casual clothes, smh7 -
Customer: Do you need my computer password?
Me: Yes, I do. Why don't you write it down for me? *fills out work order form while she writes down her password*
Customer: Here you go *slides me sticky note with password on it*
Me: *usual spiel about computer repair stuff*
Customer: *leaves*
Me: *to Coworker* So this lady's password is "AmishForLife* (modified for security purposes).
Coworker: On her iPad?!
Me: And her computer, yes
Coworker: *laughs*
Me: I wonder how well that's working out for her... -
Having debates on order of operations. The one that is hot again is the 6÷2(2+1).
Programming and actual order of operations says the answer is 9, but everyone argues it is 1. Well before 1970 that was the case. SMH. Despite showing them the rules and work, they still say theirs is the correct way.
With programming and Excel formulas I deal with every day I do this without even pausing.
40 -
Was trying out React Native and creating a Hello World, I checked the file size and it was about 465mb, and I just thought it was nonsense, then I checked the size of the node module and it was 465mb...smh
god damn node modules man!7 -
x comes out.
Team: hey let's rewrite our project using x!
4 months later..
y comes out.
Team: x is so crappy, let's rewrite our project using y!
3 months later...
z comes out...
Team: why did we ever use y, let's rewrite our project using z!
.
.
.5 -
Today I couldn't decide if I wanted an h4 or a p so my fingers did the most intelligent thing available and went with "<hp>"
Smh -
Looking at open positions, noticed that some of the jobs I've seen a year ago are still looking for an engineer with 2+ years of experience.....
Could of taken anyone and taught him everything you need already..... You had a full year SMH7 -
I have this guy who always post on his social media stories about how he is so good at programming and he has mastered “python” “R” and “JavaScript”. He just started programming early this year. February to be precise and thinks he is a badass programmer. Smh
How will I tell him codeacamy free certificates isn't knowing about programming and cramming syntax isn't programming also🤦🏽♂️13 -
Now I have to register on oracle website with a my company name and work phone before i can download jre or jdk. That's it boys and girls. You're unemployed? No minecraft for you!20
-
brave browser… smh.
i read through the whole homepage and you put "open source" at the bottom
next time please start with that6 -
Today at work I found this in the code...
if (argCount < 2 && argCount > 3) {
// log invalid arg count
return;
}
And this passed code inspection and has been sitting there unnoticed for about a year and a half... 😂
Whether it's mixing up and with or, or forgetting a semicolon, we've all done it at some point! 😊6 -
today i was asked to encrypt a public key, because "it's sensitive info".
a PUBLIC key.
smh
it's not even hard (literally 1 line of code), but come on...6 -
Most people choose Whatsapp for its lightweight-ness and Facebook decided to make it fat with video statuses. Smh.5
-
Project Manager comments on all my on-going tickets "any updates?"
And the project manager gets awarded "most productive"
While the tickets I've been assigned can't be closed in just a day
smh4 -
`npx create-react-app blah`
`cdls blah && npm audit`
63 vulnerabilities.
good fucking job.
To be fair, they're all minor, but they're all *exactly* the same, caused by the same freaking package. Update your dependencies already!
------
`npm i --save formik && npm audit`
68 vulnerabilities, three of them critical.
ugh.6 -
When you're signing up for an account on a government site not to be named in this rant and they limit your password to 6 alphanumeric characters and no special characters... Smh8
-
I fucked again...
This is second time I've accidentally executed sudo poweroff on test server via ssh assuming it was my machine :(
It's all because my mind was not stable as we were testing few issues on test server and at the same time from client side someone was doing the changes from Admin side(Wordpress) and we saw menu and few text got disappeared.
Such a bad day. smh10 -
Had to interview a "Tech Lead" who apparently has 9 years of experience in Enterprise Java, AWS, spring cloud, microservices and all the in-demand tech jargon you can think of. Plus has mentioned he has cleared OCJP (java certification) with 90% marks.
So I ask him how do microservices work - he says there's another team handling it.
I give a simple string manipulation problem and ask him to write code in an IDE or explain the logic with pseudocode and get this..
He says since he is a lead I cannot ask him to write code and should only ask about his experience.
I'm like - Sure Sir. While I do that, I will also put in a strong recommendation for you to be hired, give up all my salary to you, become your slave for life and order your lunch everyday with my savings.6 -
Python and java tests in college? Both on paper, so you can only write your code once, using a pen, and you can't debug it or modify it. Awesome right... Smh11
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Anyone else hate it when your client knows jack shit and asks you for something that they think is easy but for you is a weeks worth of shit? Yeah it sucks balls6
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A few days ago, I went to a job interview where the recruiter (boss) expected me to fill a position that normally pays $30 an hour elsewhere for $10 an hour. As if that wasn't enough, he acted like he was being very generous with the $10 an hour because I'm a college kid. Smh.
-
Email from boss: Have a nice weekend everyone!
Colleague A's reply: The weather is gonna be bad...
PM: Oh then A, you can stay at home and make sure the sites are working over the weekend!
5 seconds later boss replied:
Oh enjoy watching the sites then!
I can tell you two are from the same pile of turd *smh* -
How many Gmail accounts have your non-techy relatives created because they keep on forgetting their password and shit? Everytime they have a new Android Phone, they also have a new Gmail. Smh.5
-
When your boss is a weeb and is always watching anime or trying to convince you to watch it while you're working. Smh.
3 -
so today we used putty and coded the exercise within the university's server. i wanted to use "tree" to see all the files better cause thats what i normally use. turns out i had to install it.
i type in "sudo apt-install tree"
screen: no root priviledges. <university_login> is not included in root.txt. this will be reported immediately.
i forgot i needed root priviledges smh i just wanted to see my files better XD7 -
Hi devRant!
I take a CS class in the UK and can not believe how people use technology. Almost everyone is using smartphones and stuff but somebody can't get out of fullscreen in chrome.
He thought he broke the computer smh2 -
Client doesn't have any idea what pages/links they want for their website. Same client told me to call the guy who recommended me to him for the project brief...wtf...I mean WTF!!!
5 -
New policy at work!!
Now we have to submit a Doctors certificate as proof if someone is taking sick leaves for more than 2 days or if someone is taking sick leave on Friday or on Monday(Seems trust issues LOL).
SMH!11 -
We have a course in our uni where we're given a client and are supposed to make a product for him.
> Only, our client happens to be a startup guy.
> He's already mentioned that his app is worth 'multi-millions' countless times.
> And has already given us a job offer in his startup.
> And has offered to pitch the app to investors if we do it right and split the profit (He seemed almost convinced Google would acquire it).
All of it before doing any market research, testing, business planning or prototyping himself.
Yet people ask me why i hate on the hyped up startup ecosystem smh :/9 -
Finding out you've done a project wrong because you completely misinterpreted the direction you got at the start and your brain took it in a totally different direction and having to start over again with it is lots of fun. I recommend it to everyone.1
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I was looking at some poorly written code today in a project and I was curious to see who wrote it. I blamed it and found I had wrote it 6 months ago! smh Well... at least I know I'm getting better! I ended up refactoring it to use better code patterns.2
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People distressed the fuck out of me today.
So now, 2:18 in the morning, I'm in bed, wide awake. Because anxiety is shit.
... And I have to be up early to do the work that I didn't do today.
Smh...
Why do people have to be such dicks?24 -
"we have add a lot of cost partly due to currency exchange rate, but we also added some services and servers, we'll have a meeting and see what we can cancel or re-arrange."
So now....
- JIRA is gone
- SEO tools are gone
- budget for site security & SSL undecided
- Servers are too expensive.
$800 for twelve 2-24gb ram servers with backup, I call that bargain
Can't wait to see the websites falling apart. Now where are my popcorns?9 -
All that hypocrites call that "beauty" competition "Miss Universe" but the media is silent about how they never let ᔮᑯ ᒐᓪᕕᐊᓐᑭ from ᐋᓪᐸ ᑲᓐᑐᕆ and ᚛ᚑᚌᚐᚋ᚜ from ᚛ᚈᚑᚋ ᚄᚉᚑᚈᚈ᚜ to even enter the competition. Speak about equality. Rename it to "Miss Earth" then you racists, smh.12
-
Rant time. So, me and a few classmates finally finished and handed in a website for a web development class a few days ago. Before we handed it in, we had a meeting with the professor to discuss what we still needed to do.
Us: Are we missing anything?
Prof: Nope. Looks good. Just make sure you have stylus implemented.
Us: Cool, thanks.
We got our grade back today. We didn't do as great as we'd hope, and here's one of the comments that the professor left us:
"You forgot to implement all of the CRUD operations. -4"
WHAT THE **** IS THAT? We asked you if we were missing anything, and you said no. You reminded us about stylus, which we looked at ONCE in a 13-week class, but you failed to remind us that we needed all of the CRUD ops?2 -
Fun Story: My first official project was related to system files security. In first meeting project manager was talking about Macros and OLE i had no idea what the heck he was saying.just kept noding
Took us 2 months to complete the project now it has been deployed and working perfectly
Told my manager about this during final one on one meeting and he couldnt believe me,he still laughs about it everytime we meet -
*Teammate writes some instructions for our users and sends it to the rest of the team to review and let her know before she pushes it out
Me: *reads it and lets her know what is missing
Her: Idgaf what any one thinks. If they can’t figure it out, it’s their problem. And if anyone makes changes to it and the users can’t under it either, I’ll tell them to ask whoever made the changes.
Me: *starts cracking up. Like wtf!?!?! You know what, I’m not touching it so if anyone asks I can tell them to reach out to you!
Like, how are you offended because I’m a junior in your team and you can’t take criticism after you’ve personally asked for it? Smh7 -
Fuck graphics cards for only providing 1 hdmi port and then 200 displayport connections. Like every of my monitors have one. Smh2
-
>Why is chrome making my computer turn off all of a sudden?
<Boss, you have a quite old iMac with fully updated chrome, which is known to eat RAM. PLus, you've been using that computer as a donkey to do video editing, even tho it's not made for that (looking at the stats), and you have your home folder on an external hard drive, plus like 10 other apps always active, including premiere, illustrator, airmail (with 12k emails always loaded smh), slack on 2 workspaces and at LEAST 12 chrome tabs on some of the heaviest websites
>Mmh... yeah you're right, I'm kinda asking for it2 -
Headhunter: "For this new role you would be the first developer in the company responsible for both the back and frontend, you will also have to test your deliverables, give support to users and report to the..."
*CLICK*
Had to hang up on dat shit 🙉3 -
smh.
Why hire a Native iOS Developer when you're going to let him develop an iOS app to look EXACTLY like its Android counterpart?
There's hybrid and cordova for that if you want your apps to look and feel exactly the same.
Can't we all just agree to appreciate the distinct differences in UI for both platforms? Navigation especially? Copy context not UI. -
My new mobile development teacher just admitted he has never learnt git or any other VCS, I asked him what he does when shit happens and he just said,
"I just have a folder for each version backed up to Google Drive"
This is the guy that's teaching us? Surely as a teacher you should be setting a proper example and using good practises....?14 -
So I just recently found out there's a local idol group named MNL48 in here.
Basically bringing the seiyuu/J-Pop culture in the Philippines.
...
Maybe I should've became an idol instead of a senior high school programmer :/3 -
I work as a consultant and my company wanted to send me on an engagement at a client who's main product is a well known online coding course. Their whole product is teaching lay people how to code. They decided the night before I was going to start that they didn't want me consulting with them because I "didn't have a CS degree."🤔
(PS: Their head of curriculum was actually a mentor and teacher of mine instrumental in my becoming a programmer...)
SMH2 -
A 'senior' dev just questioned us (by question, I mean scold) when I suggest writing some additional information regarding db patching scheme of our project on our Wiki, just thought it might be useful for other possibly new devs later.
Apparently that would be 'spoon- feeding' them and it is totally NOT GOOD.
Smh.2 -
I'm so fucking done today.
The VB project I ranted about earlier was apparently just the top of the iceberg of madness that is my workplace.
So the same ninjacoder who managed to code himself as a dependency in the VB project apparently had his greasy little fingers in a bunch of other projects around here.
A script for automating new workstation installs that went haywire last week had traces from this Omnipotent mastermind all over it. He got us this time with static urls and zero errorhandling.
Well played sir.
Getting so done with undocumented projects that I have to dig through several hours just to find and fix.1 -
Went into a room that hasn’t been visited in a while.
I decided to clear up some space and see how dusty it was.
Naturally I use my hand to take the dust off the table.
My hand is covered in dust.
Because of the absence of a trash can, I have no choice but to open the window and throw the dust outside.
I open the window; a gust of wind rushes inside, blowing all the dust in the room.
Smh.4 -
Its amazing how many people call themselves programmers yet cannot figure out the usefulness of print/log statements. 🤦♂️
-
PM schedules deployment on a Friday... I address my concern about deploying on Fridays, I am assured it won't happen again since it is a special occasion. Next week's Friday... "Guys we need the remaining tasks on jira by today, client wants the app on production by today". smh1
-
Client asks for a Facebook page setup. I find out not only do they have no one to manage the FB page, no one in the company even has a personal FB account.
-
Best : Finally getting my first internship after teaching myself how to code.
Worst : Was a preeeeeeetty shitty internship. I know you'll say all internships are hard BUT, this one was on another level.1 -
Debugging a previously employed intern code for hours (poorly written JavaScript). Found out they were comparing the exact string value of the input boxes. #smh
5 -
So. This job gets alot more interresting by the day.
The clients at this place use a software to monitor machines on a Day to day basis. We've gotten tons of complaints about the software from clients thats on Win10, that its a buggy mess.
Nothing we can do about it, its 3:rd party.
Software is currently on version 14.0, and is non complient with win7, if not being ran on v13.
I've talked to the devs and told them to fix it, since its such a huge issue, but they don't know whats causing it and holding out for v15.
So for users who can't stand the buggyness of v14 on win10 we have to recomend downgrading to win7 and running this garbage software on v13.3 -
WRITING CODE ON PAPER...smh
I know many people wrote about this already, but writing code on paper is one of the worst things of a CS class. I’d rather get a computer with no internet access and use a notes app to write code instead of having to write everything by hand. It takes so much more time that you could spend thinking about the problem. Not only that but also my hand gets tired of writing...ughhhh
I need to convince my teacher and the school to switch to writing code on computers! I will not loose this battle ahah8 -
Asus does not know how to implement a button that is also a fingerprint scanner,my phone keeps closing all apps cuz my fingers are sweaty(the button isnt actually clickable it just senses...My sweat smh)4
-
I finally got my new Smartphone after going there personally to the courier
Seriously the couriers were lazy piece of shits and they can't even deliver to my address when it's perfectly valid.
Like couriers from my local PO and from Lazada/Taobao can even get to my house, what the fuck2 -
When McDonald's janitors are writing code...
Dev1: *creates a MR*
Code: for each HTTP request do
// stuff
Executors.newFixedThreadPool(validators.size()); // effectively meaning will start 7 new threads for each incoming request
// other stuff
Dev2: ^^ ??? Fix that shit. This will cause performance problems.
Dev1: *updates the code*
Code:
// stuff
int THREAD_NUMBER = 10;
Executors.newFixedThreadPool(THREAD_NUMBER);
// other stuff
Everyone: 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Can I BE facepalming any more?4 -
So I wrote the script for the GAL in WinCupl for our project. I used the operators: ! for NOT, * for AND, + for OR
me: *writes code*
me: *compiles it*
compiler: error, unknown operation.
me: wtf but thats how its done, isnt it?
friend: u used the wrong operators. didnt u read the manual?
me: smh i didnt, i invented the syntax xD
lesson learned: always read manual first before writing it directly without knowing the syntax1 -
- Got one more section to rewrite from this thesis and I'll be done. (except for stuff after review)
- Have zero ass to sit down and actually do the final trims.
Smh.3 -
Who knew that NOT using results given from an API can actually help.
The private devRant APIs give you offsets in text of where links are in comments and in rants.
It’s EXTREMELY inaccurate and I don’t understand why it’s so hard to write it so it’s accurate 100% of the time.
So I said fuck it and NOT use the given offsets and just hard-find using the built-in algorithms inside Swift to create the range for me. Results? It works 100% of the time. No crashes, no out-of-range errors, no nothing.8 -
Recruiter bot just emailed me with some offers, let's take a look...
"Hand-on Experience with SQL and NO-SQL Databases preferably Redux"
Whew! I was worried for a second, thank god they are using a Redux database and not one of those really crappy React databases! I'll really consider applying now.
smh2 -
Co-Dev: The table doesn't have pagination. You said if I use your code it will have search bar and pagination.
Me: Did you initialize datatable? (we are using JQuery DataTables)
CD: No. Do I have to? How can I do it?
I. can't. even.6 -
So I was asked to do a card redesign A/B Test
The results came in
Redesign performs 20% worse
PM’s report says “no significant difference, redesign approved”
He just wanted his redesign to be published
smh, why trouble with A/B Test when results are known faster than during elections in North Korea1 -
Wrote a set of beautiful Swift functions. Runs Xcode, nothing. Checks code...looks good...clean build, delete app, re-install, rebuild...nothing. Checks documentation, watches three videos, re-writes code...nothing. Stares at screen for an hour...realizes I never actually called the functions. Closes laptop, checks self into pysch ward.3
-
Alright let's get real and finish this module
* 5 mins later *
Ooh look, a new js framework. I wonder what does this do hmm.. -
<!--begin rant-->
When you take an online class thinking you can work at your own pace, but the teacher expects work on a Monday and Thursday schedule? The reason I took the class is to work at my own pace, wtf? If I had time on a Monday and Thursday I would've took it in school those days. Smh!! -
I created an ASP.Net Web Application as my personal Web site. Tested it locally then wanted to test it in a live environment. I purchased a domain/hosting package then publish via FTP. Point it to homepage and nothing shows up. I call customer service and they say it's hosted on a Linux server but their options don't show that it is Linux based. So I had to change it to a Windows platform that it should have already been on. SMH 😣
-
User: Hey, guys. I'm uploading those docs you requested to your website, but I noticed that my connection to your site is not private.
Company: Thank you for your question. Please, don't worry, we have a privacy policy on our website.
User: ... -
Literally came across the third line of code and made this meme.
To top it off, the if statement looked like this:
if ([that ugly code])
{ //it is
...
}
This is coding at its finest....
1 -
Had to get my car looked at because it kept veering to the right, and my team decides to meet to work on our website without me. "You don't have to be there. It's fine." Next day, I learn that they finished a lot of the website and there's not much left to do. No, it's fine. I only wanted to contribute the ******* simple backend stuff and look like I contributed nothing to the website.
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Spent 4 hours debugging to figure out I needed to hit the enter key smh.
In my defense 3 other software engineers looked at the problem and couldn’t figure it out.
In my offense I only solved this problem by talking to the engineer who made it.1 -
When you're at work and your friend text you asking if you could fix her Pokemon Go account. Gurrrl...
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Spent the whole day trying too get react-native working on windows. It felt like i was teaching a dinosaur to fly a drone. SMH 4 windows!!! :(
It worked!1 -
when you are at someone else's desktop/laptop and the screen is so dirty you can almost see what that person likes to eat.
yuck!
And if that's a touch-screen, you are literally touching what that person ate weeks, months ago.6 -
Fucking job recruiters or whoever the fuck.
If the first line on my resume is under "Objective" and it states, "To obtain a job, internship, or Co-op in the field of Networking, Cybersecurity, or Administration." You can clearly see the world sales and customer service are not in there.
If you take 5 seconds to read that or search for the words customer service or sales YOU WON'T FUCKING FIND ANYTHING.
SO WHY THE FLYING FUCK DO YOU CUMBUCKET FILLED PIECES OF SHIT KEEP OFFERING SALES AND CUSTOMER JOBS TO ME.
I even got a senior sales position before. :|
Yet I can't even get a call back from an internship that's related to what I want to do lol. Smh.1 -
The Amazon Music app is so dumb. Instead of simply saying that it can't find anything for your search, it exclaims that they're experiencing difficulties, smh.5
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I'm currently an iOS developer and i have to learn .NET for work. It's a fucking mess of an environment. Everything I try to learn seems to be outdated. smh7
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Samsung make such shit phones. My 2 month old s8 completely locked up for about 5 hours today with cpu on 100%. You would get burnes if you touched it. The only apps I have are, instagram, FF, snap, devRant. Smh.8
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When the project manager commits a build that's broken and then blames it on you...smh
Learn to compile a successful build before you commit the change out to everyone!! 😤 -
A few friends and I on our way home from a hackathon:
Lady at the door of the airplane:
*sees our hack the north lanyards*
Lady: "Oh where are we coming from? Hack the North? That means if we have any wifi problems onboard you can help us out right?
Us: ... suuureee2 -
we bought a 4x4 keypad yesterday. so this happened:
me: *got a keypad for 3€* hey, dont u guys have a keypad with soldered pins?
guy from store: umm we have separate pins...
me: *smh* can u please check?
guy from store: *brings me 3 other keypads* here, have a look at these...
those keypads were worth 11-15€! but its basically the same! i still have to solder the damn thing to the keypad..
me: nvm, ill take the separate ones and the 3€ keypad.1 -
a professor at the uni is recording his lectures to be extra nice for some of us students who might be unable to come or want to repeat some parts for a better understanding of the subject *cough*.
but instead of sharing it via a streaming platform (whichever that might be in the end), he uses the internal net of the uni. i know there might be some copyright issues with material he uses in his lectures, but still.
what he expects us to do is to download files of around 12GB in size per lecture that we want to rewatch.
marvelous.5 -
I am literally tasked with debugging why we have a 1.98 seconds lag on our site running on kubernetes. Smh4
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As a developer there is one thing that I hate above all things in this industry and thats doing terms & conditions pages -.- smh.3
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Head hunters reaching out with a "position that might intrest you".. with a stack of skills that are not on my CV at aaaaall
Also Headhunters after answering back: oh you have only 1 year experience with that tool? They want at least 3, goodbye.
All just a phishing scam to get u to give them an updated CV version.. no real "relevant position" in sight. Smh.3 -
Not a true dev rant but still thought I'd share:
Systems team installed new software product I've been asked to setup and test. Within 15 minutes of getting into the software I've already had to open two support tickets with the vendor. Fast forward two hours and I'm putting in a third support ticket. SMH.2 -
The ability to sudo kill all the idiots that point a deprecated function to another deprecated funtion that points to a deprecated function. Smh.
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That moment you realize you just completed a task for a client because they asked for it but you didn't first check to see if the request was part of the original spec and estimate and so you don't really get to be paid for it.
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I interviewed a graphic designer/artist for a small job and that guy straight up asked me how much usd would I pay him? I said I can only pay you 150 exposure max.
Balls on these guys. smh.3 -
So, today this robot really didn't want to move how I want it to move. 😒
Tomorrow, again, I guess.
Smh.
*sobs in robot voice*12 -
spent 2 days trying to figure out why my css was working fine on one page but not another. found it was due to the doc type declaration on one of the pages was mad about me not putting height:100% on a parent div. smh1
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on every company i worked for, i always had this "senior" team mate that seems really knowledgeable with the way he talks and just by looking at his resume but doesn't reflect on his work. smh1
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When your boss makes everyone cram around a single computer in the conference room for a video conference while yelling into the microphone because he thinks that each person on their own machine with headphones on attending the same meeting is unproductive and equivalent to playing online games on company time.
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me printing some variables and function returns and such in <pre> tags while developing/debugging and immediately see designers' entries on bugherd saying the site doesn't work and shit my that. smh...1
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I was involved in accident barely a week before my new Job, my car is a mess and I feel like I am a mess too. Thankfully I am physically okay.
This life smh!2 -
Back when Steve Jobs died, and my brother and I were freaking out and telling the bad news to everyone in our family, my sister said: "Who's Steve Jobs? Is he the guy who invented Twitter?"
😑 I can't even... 😥16 -
ok,. so i've been into job hunting for a while and i found this rather attractive posting with reasonable salary and work hours, it clearly states "PHP Backend Programming With Laravel", so i applied, a day later, i got in contact with the employer via skype, and to my surprise, the employer told me that skills in c# is required because the job position is for a senior c# dev... smh2
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Alright, WHO WROTE THIS:
/**
* Store a newly created resource in storage.
*
* @return Response
*/
public function putStore()
... This is in UserController.php. It's the function for creating new users. #smh1 -
So... we are changing our cache system to a fastest one.
I suggested an update method (with code samples included) as we currently only manage insert and remove... making impossible any modification of a list in cache without getting the entire list, modifying whatever we want and insert again everything.
Answer: 'It could work, but we want to keep the previous system behavior'
Why. SMH3 -
*looking over an Excel sheet*
Me: now there are 2 rows that represent the same data, with the same description
Them: I'll just 0 out the one, and we'll ignore it.
Me: I'm never letting you near any of my databases. -
Knowing a lot but getting chewed out over not knowing some obscure thing or others expecting you to be able to read their minds...smh that or then not responding to questions..so tldr; people, people are the worst part about being a dev.
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Ctrl+/ for commenting a line in xml.
Successful.
Ctrl+/ again to remove comment ....nests earlier comment.
smh...... -
I literally won't ever understand:
Everyone hates JavaScript and despises using it.
Everyone also hates PHP.
So to get rid of PHP smh we decided to use js in the backend, too? And that shit is working and a lot of people enjoy this? Everything is fucked up34 -
why cant google just index my fucking website?
its been two weeks and the last one I did took so little time
if you go to https://google.com/search/... it shows up, but not the most common query for the site https://google.com/search/...
smh🤦♂️3 -
A tale of wireless cracking:
Have learnt brute force method. Evil twin method: check. WPS hack: Done.
What worked?
nameOfThePlace@123
smh3 -
100 dollars to rebuild the whole frontend of their startup. what sort of humans run these Nigerian companies ? smh2
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When you're trying to find a bug in your parser/interpreter but it's working fine and all this time the bug was in the code you were feeding to the parser/interpreter. Smh2
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I solemnly swear never to use the Fedora Media Writer tool ever again. I used it to create a bootable USB to install Ubuntu, and guess what, the setup opened fine, disk check gave no errors, but the setup always got stuck. So I created the bootable using Rufus and it worked like a charm.
SMH2 -
Final exam gonna start in 2 days and here I'm contemplating what to do after exams(lots of stuff in mind).
I think everyone go through this and usual dilemma for choosing what to do.
So much to learn, so little time. Smh.. -
My manager just told me this at the end of the work day.
Today, my manager got a call from client "X".
They wanted to know why issue "Y" happened at event "Z" that was being put on for their client.
My manager basically told them we had nothing to do with that part of the event, so we wouldn't have had anything to do with solving problem "Y" either, but that what ended up causing problem "Y" had been passively mentioned to us months ago, and that he's not sure why their client didn't communicate it.
Client "X" told my manager that they would call back after talking to their person that helped organize event "Z".
No call back.
Definitely rant-ish, but also kind of a funny/ridiculous story to end the work day with.4 -
Hi. I just wanted to share I failed the google online interview. Thought I was prepared, I vomit and had diarrhea 30mins before the interview, Always makes mistakes on google docs. I keep pressing tabs which uglifies the code, miss-spelled my variables and functions name, mistakenly put everything in const (I got used to my editor yelling at me when I used const instead of let, should not rely on this). But there's always next time. I hope.6
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How coding has impacted my life?
Lol, mann I don't think normal anymore. Everything is logical and conditional statements to me now. If this, do that! Else, do this. I've been making people think 2x about their dumb questions to fix their broken phones, computer screens and yes, the popular one.."can you hack facebook?". I can't even do a simple renaming or count without start with a 0. Normal people start like 1, 2, 3, 4.... and I'm like 0, 1, 2, 3. Bruh, I'd rather code than hang out which I still do but less now..smh -
in my OOP class the prof spent most of the time telling us OOP is dying, but we have to learn it anyway.4
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I was at school and one of my friends asked me to help with his code. He said that his image wouldn't appear on his website.
I checked his code and it was right, so I checked his images folder.
The image he wanted to put on his HTML document was something like "prev.img". I was a bit confused. A file with a .img extension? He did put his code right, but there was still something wrong. I right clicked the image and went to the properties. The file extension was .jpg.
I eventually corrected his code but I still can't find out how he fooled himself. smh -
Project was based on Ionic3 with angular and SCSS.
Ionic has an SCSS array with colours that generates countless CSS classes for each combination of color-component.
Smh I managed to reduce the amount of colours in that array and reduced the overall size of the final CSS by 48% (from ~8MB to 4.1MB)
Of course the overall app had no performance increase BC the problem is the main.js file which is about 12MB with no lazy load3 -
New windows update idea, everytime it’s updating, a commentary of your life with Morgan Freeman as voice over while you wait for your life to end, you know cause windows update took a fucking lifetime. smh.
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Faced a guy who tried to pin, his data not coming up on our app. After debugging I found out he was sending the timestamp as his local time + 'z'(e.g. 2019-06-13T22:38:54.143Z), thinking thats for est and blamed us for why his data is not showing at correct time.3
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My focus is AI but the only thing most people can respond to that is #Skynet smh 😑😑 like please tell me again about robots taking over1
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SMH at parents who fall for online scams, and won't listen to me, their computer science educated son, that it is indeed a scam and do not pay them $400 to fix a pop-up.
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So-called 'Senior -level' don't even know how the Gradle and cocoapod works. Bro if you can't understand the basics, how the f are you the senior? How the f are you going to lead and guide the juniors?
oh my mother f**king god. smh
I said this as a senior. -
People that commit large binary files to subversion... sigh...
(Banging head on desk waiting for binaries to finish downloading)2 -
how do you develop/transition to microservices when the company does not even have developers for the core systems? all systems are either developed by or bought from software vendors. they just go and decide that they want microservices. SMH!
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"Take this test," they said.
I did, and scored 81/100. Not great, but not bad.
"Not bad," they said. "But you took too much time and didn't show us experience in JavaScript."
I completed all tasks in the allotted time and did them all in JavaScript. What else am I supposed to do for you people?1 -
I think the dev missed a nullcheck before `handlebars.compile(name)`, don't you think?
// this snippet is from our product's repo ;)
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Today I got 3 fucking calendar blockers from HR for interviews next week. All 3 positions are "principal developer" and I'm still intermediate. I bet my ass they don't even know half of the shit I know... *smh*2
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Okay so I'm back at ranting now cause I got a reason in my useless life to rant lmao. I started college recently, I'm majoring in Computer Science so the thing is that, my University provides specialization in cybersecurity and stuff to third year students and our Mr. HOD of applied sciences, who is basically an ass, in charge of conveying all the details to students, puts a complete mailing list of freshmen in the 'To' box rather than using BCC... smh. *Evil laughter*1
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SMH, this is the 4th manager of the product we are building, who's leaving the company, all in 1.5 years. Out of reactions at this point.
(FYI managers here are involved in multiple projects at the same time) -
Instead of adopting the ` character to represent multi-line string literals like JavaScript, Swift opts for three consecutive double-quotes. """ smh4
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My colleague has been up my ass for a google api key but they don‘t want to pay, smh my head twice1
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Ok its been an hour now trying to find a way to push a NEW commit to a MERGED branch. SMH! Help gitlab!7
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Well, Uhm I have this instructor in Web Programming that throughout the whole semester, what he only thought was html and css. We never tackled PHP nor Javascript, SMH.
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there's almost no fucking soul outside, but some of these fuckers just have to fly a helicopter over the town.
where are the anti air guns, when you need them smh2 -
I love doing multiple tech things. Development, Ops and security. Why can't people see this as tech experience and not individual subdomain experience. Why can't people switch jobs easily over Dev, Sec and Ops?
Smh.1 -
Today. Today was my worst meeting. We had to meet to work on our website together. I said I couldn't make it, because I have other important things to do besides the website and we still have plenty of time to work on the damn thing. "You can't f'ing skip meetings." "I know you have other things, but you made a commitment." Right. But you can decide when to have f'ing meetings based around your schedule.1
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Ever had it when you’re on a project and your colleague is too slow so you basically have to do half the work?
Well yeah that’s my situation rn , guy too incapable of completing the project so i got to do most of his work.
I’m a bit of both I do front end and back end development mostly front end and that is what I prefer and I’m best at.
But I gotta do loads of back end work that a back end dev colleague should be doing
Smhhhh -
Sigh, what is it with these cowboy SQL Devs? Why the fuck is this a pattern for anything?
New contract, new idiots, sigh.
EDIT: Had to change picture because Prod is different to Dev (but no dev has been done since release....smh)
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So let me start by saying I get so much more done when I am not in the office, so I have my top annoying co-workers
-The number one person. This person was a "developer" but I say that loosely and now she is a Agile champion / Scrum something. She is the biggest PITA constantly going around talking about how great Scrum is.
-This other developer, I actually like the guy, but he just walks over all of the time to ask me stuff. He will grab his laptop and just pop it on my desk to ask me stuff.
-I will go ahead an lump a few together, the ones that have "been doing it a long time" but don't understand the architecture of their own systems. <smh> -
CircleCI takes the cake for the most annoying of constant development advertisement campaigns on YouTube, change my mind.
I mean, the product is nice and everything, but what the hell? Why should *I* make sense of your changelog - just go and show what it does in practice! Ugh, why I must teach you marketing, CircleCI, smh...1 -
Every programming tutorial:
Smh Smh(string smh)
{
String smh;
Smh smh;
Smh(string smh){this.smh = smh;}
Smh smH = new Smh(smh);
SmH = Smh.smh(smh);
return Smh(smh: smh);
}
This code doesn’t make any sense but the point is… WHY???
Meanwhile, they might say “I could name this something else but I’ll just give it the same fucking name” -
Who would have guessed that after 1 hour trying to make some changes work with live reload, I figured out that Angular has some sort of "cache", I just had to restart the app to make it work, smh.
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Of course I came down with a frickin fever during my first hackathon and missed the last like 14 hours of it. Smh.4
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I am back with one fresh and hot
my school doesnt allow libre office
the most ACTUAL security they have is windows defender and all the rest is restrictions smh7 -
Spent all not fixing someone's errors because they used XML and hard coded values, couldn't even work in the application I was going to work on1
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So I was on github today and this teenager came up to me and asked what I was doing but I was too chill to answer at that time.
My screen read "Forking in progress" and now he's been saying it over and over again and thinks it's funny.
*smh*1 -
So do I want a quick test or a fast test? 🤔
Don't large companies like HP ever proofread their menus? This doesn't need users to test for them to realize it's bad. Smh.
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Stayed up all night to work up till 4am on a weekday to finish off some work stuff. Still, got told the next day you're exceeding deadlines smh.4
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so yesterday was a fun day. I'm wiring up dbvis toour db life cycle envs. connection to dev, works. move on to Val, connection works. move on to prod, boom, dbvis violates some security protocal that obviously does not exist in dev or Val which locks out the dB acct. I single handedly shutdown production, simply trying to connect with dbvis. smh. what a day!!
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partially tech
Is it just me or every single time* I call to some support after first 30 minutes I really want to ask question "can I talk with someone competent?". And no disrespect to these guys, many people call in with simple stuff, but damn, I try to solve stuff on my own and call in only when I need someone who actually can get somewhat technical and have some knowledge about the product/service/smh. Infuriating.
* one hosting provider proven to be exception. -
The part with those goddamn change requests on top of the requirements that were never fucking stated correctly in the first place.
Hate that part, because the customer is always right!
Always right, my ass. Fucking asshole dickheads. -
Should I be guilty for turning to WP wheb customers ask for a simple CMS?
Given more time and resources, I'd definitely work on something myself but I feel like the widespread use of WordPress has set an expectation of a rapid outcome to customers, and I'm just not given enough time to work on something better.1
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