i love programming cz it's fucking awesome

//TODO: Laugh

Nike's robots.txt says "just crawl it"

"Can you put my site as the first result on google?"

I can add SEO to your site, just give me your preferred keywords, a description, and let's make sure we follow white hat best practices etc.

"No call someone at google and ask how much to go to the top of the list"

So you want to pay for ads or..?

"No get a figure I can pay to get to first page"
"Or can you just edit the google"

... And so I never renewed that contract ever again, the end.

Dear self proclaimed wordpress 'developers/programmers', kindly go fuck yourself.

I'm not talking about wordpress devs/designers who don't claim to have a better skillset than they have and are actually willing to learn, those are very much fine.

I'm talking about those wordpress people who claim that they're developers, programmers or whatever kind of bullshit which they're obviously not.

"A client's site crashed, you have to fix it!!!!!" sorry, come again? It's YOUR client's site. It's hosted on our hosting platform meaning that WE are responsible for KEEPING THE SERVERS UP AND FUNCTIONING.
You call yourself a wordpress 'developer' with 'programming experience' for 10 years but the second one of your shitty sites crashes, you come to us because 'it's your responsibility!!!'.
No, it's not. Next to that fact, the fact that you have to ask US why the site is crashing while you could easily login to your control panel, go to the fucking error logs and see that one of your facebook plugins crashes with a quite English error message, shows me that you definitely don't have 10 years of programming experience. And if you can't find that fucking article which tells you exactly where the motherfucking error logs are, don't come crying to us asking to fix your own fucking bullshit.

"My clients site got hacked, you have to clean it up and get it online again ASAP!!!!" - Nah, sorry, not my responsibility. The fact that you explicitly put your wordpress installation on 'no automatic updates' also doesn't help with my urge to fucking end you right now.
Add to that that we have some quite clear articles on wordpress security which you appearantly found too difficult (really? basic shit like 'set a strong fucking password' is too difficult for you?), you're on your own.

"I'm getting an error, please explain what's going wrong as soon as you can! this is a prio 1!!!!" - Nope. You were a wordpress dev/programmer right? Please act like one.

I'm not your personal wordpress agent.

I'm not your personal hacked wordpress site cleanup guy.

I'm not even a fucking wordpress professional. No, I'd rather jump off a bridge than develop wordpress bullshit for a living.

That you chose to do this, not a problem. Just don't rely on me for fixing your shit.

I'm sick of cleaning up your bullshit.

I'm done with answering your high prio tickets about bullshit which any dev could find out with just a few minutes of searching.

Oh your wordpress site isn't showing up so high in google? Yeah sure, shoot a ticket at us blaming us for your own SEO mess. I'm a fucking sysadmin, not a SEO expert.

I'm fucking done with you.

Go die in a fucking corner.

That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.

I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!

Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡

An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, liquor store, brewery, alcohol, beer, whiskey, vodka

I feel It's Completely True 😂

A SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, lounge, pub, tavern, night club, mini bar, drinks.

Dance like noone is watching.
Encrypt like everyone is.
Sudo like you have backups.
Tag like you're a SEO.
Vim like you know how to exit.
Ticket frontend like you're the project manager.
Commit like saying "fuck you" in the message is appropriate.
Alert like you would use console.log
Design like you know CSS.
Comment like you aren't the only dev.
Code like PHP isn't outdated.

And finally:

Try to work like you know how to quit devrant.

well, this is interesting 🤔🤔

"Unit tests are a waste of time, and we should avoid doing that if possible. "

Kill me please.

I need a site with seo and advertisement.

The page should make about 750€ per month. I will only pay after site is complete and pays out.

You will get 150€

Our Web Technology professor taught us this in the year 2016, he said and I quote,

"HTML frames are the latest technologies in the www and are supported by new generation browsers only, for example Netscape navigator."

SEO at its finest.

Me: "I'm a programmer"

Others: talks about linux
Others: search algorithms!
Others: service infrastructure
Others: memory optimization
Others: encryption

Me: "I'm a front end web developer"

Others: complex services
Others: strong user form validation
Others: lazy loading
Others: SEO

Me: "fucking, I make shit look pretty alright"

Anyone else who tend to click on the link below instead of the one above?

Heard a new one from the client today.
Said with a straight face, "You guys write your HTML in all caps, right? It's better for SEO."

Client: Hi. my SEO guy messed up the website. Its kind of .... you know .... gone. You must have the backup. Please restore

Me (after 10 mins): Done

.............

Client: Hi again. I don't see my changes from yesterday. Why?

Me: Because I had 2 months old backup.

Client: Why?

Me: Because that's the last time I worked on your website. And you changed the credentials later on.

Client: But you're a programmer. You must have had a back door to take back ups.

........

Client: Hello?

Me: It's time to leave earth.

Am I alone? 😅😂😂

do I need to say something else😂 for the largest blue screen of death

So I own a webshop together with a guy I met at one of my previous contract jobs. He said he had a great idea to sell product X because he can get them very cheap from another European country. Actually it is a great idea so we decided to work together on this: I do everything tech related, he does the non tech stuff.

Now we are more than 1 year in business. I setup a VPS, completely configured it, installed and setup the complete webshop, built 2 custom PrestaShop modules, built many customizations, built a completely new order proces (both front and back end), advertised quite some products, did some link building, ensured everything is in place to do proper SEO, wrote some content pages, did administration and tax declarations, rewrote a part of a PrestaShop component because it was so damn inefficient and horribly slow, and then some more. Much more.

He did customer relation management, supplier management and some ad words campaigns. Promised me many times to write the content for our product pages. This guy has an education in marketing but literally said: I'm not gonna invest in creating some marketing plan. I have no ambition in online marketing.

What?! You have the marketing knowledge and skills but refuse to use it to market our webshop and business? What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Today he says to me: 'Hey man, this is becoming an expensive hobby as we don't sell much and have lots of costs. I don't understand why I should be the one to write these content pages. Everything you did in the past 8 months can be done in less than 20 hours! You are a joke and just made it a big deal by spreading your work over so many months. I know for sure because I currently work at a company where I'm surrounded by front end devs! Are you fucking crazy?! You're a liar.'

He talks like this to me every 2 months or so while he can't even deliver the content for 1 single product in 6 fuckin' months! We even had to refund a few of our customers because Mr. client relations manager didn't respond to their e-mails within 1 fucking week!! So I asked him how could that have happened as you do the client relations and support. Well, he replied to me: 'Why didn't YOU respond to our clients? You don't log on in our back office at least once a day?!'.

Of course I do asshole. But YOU don't. He replied that I was lying just like I was lying about what I did for our business.

So, asshole, let's have a look at PrestaShops logs to see who's logging in daily. Well, you can probably guess who's IP was there in most of the entries. It wasn't his.

So, what the fuck have you been doing then?! You can't even manage to respond quickly to a client?!! We have maybe 50 clients and if we get 1 question a month by email it is already a lot. But you keep bitching, complaining and insulting me instead?!!!

Last time he literally admitted on a WhatsApp conversation that he had and still has the hope that he could just sit back and relax and watch me do ALL the work.

Well, guess what you fucking moron. That's not what we agreed upon. You fuckin' retard think you're so smart but you say EVERYTHING on WhatsApp! Including your promises to me. Thank you you fuckin' piece of dog shit because now I have hard evidence and will hand it over to my lawyer to make you pay every god damn cent for all the hours I've spent working on our business. Oh, and I'll take over the webshop and make it a success on my own because I know damn well how to get relevant traffic and thus customers.

You just go get yourself fucked in the ass without lubricant you fuckin' asshole. I have told you you shouldn't fuck with me because I take business very seriously. I even warned you when you were crossing a line again. Well, if you don't listen... You will pay for the consequences. I will be so damn happy to tell you 'I told you so' with a very very big smile on my face. That momemt WILL come, 'partner'.

Fuck you. You will be fucked. Count on that. Fucking asshole.

Java + Python = Kotlin?
😂😂😂

It's so true that it hurts...

1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.

3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.

4. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC

5. Why do they call it hyper text?
Too much JAVA.

6. Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn't Node how to Express himself

7. In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.

8. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#

9. What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte

10. Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache

11. Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile?
He wanted to keep a low profile.

12. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

13. I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

14. 8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks "What will it be?"
One of them says, "Make us a double."

15. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?"
The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."

16. These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

17. "Knock, knock. Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."

18. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

19. There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

20. There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

Exactly 😂😂

Is there a synonym for SEO?

Hi, I’m from x SEO agency and I need admin access to your clients site ASAP!

Ahhhhhhh, nope.

Time for a rant!.

Got a client I've just built a website for and they went live 2 weeks ago.

This morning he sends me an email saying that the website is not good enough because it's not making any sales or getting any traffic.

I send an email back asking if he has a marketing / SEO company... The response was I thought you do that as you said the site would be SEO friendly!!!.

I'm a developer! Not a marketer, fuck off.

I just found out

New client wanted us to redo their site and boost their SEO because "nobody has ever used our contact form".

Looking at their current site, turns out their contact form is POSTed to an HTML page, that obviously does 0 processing on it. Like tossing it on the trash bin.

Their current website is done by a company that claim they're experts on web design for our clients sector.

Still haven't stopped laughing.

Me: So here's the completed website.

Client: *goes to Google and searches for media agencies india* What the hell is this ? I was told that my name would come on the first page in Google.

Me: Sir, we had quoted to build SEO friendly pages and not for doing SEO.

Client: This is fraud. How the hell could you cheat me by using these technical words. I want my name on the first page in Google.

Me: *types companyname.com in Google* Here Sir, your website is on the first page in Google.

Client: I very well know fraudsters like you. If I wouldn't have checked it then you'd have charged me for this later on. Here's your cheque.

Worst part of being a dev is handling less techy people than you 😫

$ rant --not-a-rant

I made it guys

I know this might not be a rant but Im sure nobody will understand this better than my fellow ranters/devs

Four years ago (16yo) I learned about a software development company in my city and Ive been wanting to.work for them ever since, at first I couldnt because I need half college credits, after because I landed a way more comprehensive job, but now I start on monday. The thing is few people have landed a dev job there as students because of what they ask but I MADE IT.

Thanks for reading this far.

A lite story about how i was hired at 16 years old.
Me at 11. Modifying HTML templates to create a sign up page for a game. Me at 14. Created some worthless websites in the past (at a training), barely knowing the structure of HTML.
Me at 15. Made my first website for a customer (using WordPress for the first time, didn't know how to use it before). The website was selling apartments, it was looking very good and went on the first place on SEO. Got my first money (100E).
Me at 16. Made some other WordPress websites for other customers (one of them still haven't paid, the website was made way back in 2015), so i shut down the website and replaced it with a text saying "This website is currently down until the customers pays the developer".
Me still at 16. A friend of my mom sent my CV to multiple companies, to work as a intern to learn more, and one of them accepted me for a interview (a well known and one of the best company with 30~ people)
Went to the interview, asked me about what i realized, what i can do, about my knowledges in others languages etc (forgot to mention that i love the computers from young age, so i was very good in them, specially at the age of 11), so they were happy about it and asked called me for another interview with the boss. Went to it, the boss asked me some tricky questions, i answered them immediately, he was very surprised about my knowledge at that age and accepted me immediately. After working for 2 weeks, instead of hiring me as a intern for 4-6 months, they instead hired me as a normal person, as a front end developer, for an undefined date, making 250 E / Month (6 hours per day in summer)
Now, I'm in the 11 grade, working for them about 9 months, making 315 E / Month, working for 4 hours per day after school, the place is cool, my entire team (family) is very funny and very cool, and they asked me many times to help them with different problems they had and i fixed them immediately (they really didn't know some stuff which i knew). Worked on big projects and worked on some from scratch by myself and they were very happy about how it went.

TLDR: was talented in computers (software), I'm a fast learner, barely knew about making websites, hired as a front end developer at 16 yr.

Btw, I'm in love with DevRant, I'm feeling like home everytime i visit this community :').

P.S. Sorry for my bad English and the mistakes i made.

alert("Thanks for reading my first rant!");

38°C, sunday afternoon, client be like: "Omg, I need you, it's important, can you call me?"

*calls client*

"So I got this E-Mail that said my SEO could be improved alot, why didn't you do that"

*looks at auto generated spam mail, hangs up*

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...

We had a mega rude, pompous asshat client come in who's company was SO disliked that someone made a hate site about them that was out ranking the client's actual site. They hired us to re-do their site and SEO to try to get back to the top results. We redid the site but we didn't improve the SEO. We also visited the hate site so many times we probably improved their ranking. 😂🖕🏻

Generic-IT
--------------
Client:"So we would like to found a new company and offer IT and network consulting. Would you be able to build our website?"

Me:"Absolutely. What will be the name of your company?"

Client:"The name is going to be 'Generic-IT'. The website is going to be 'generic-IT.com' . We checked that with google."

Me:"I am sorry to tell you that generic.com is already taken by another company. Incidentally that company offers the same services, that you intend to offer. They also seem to be quite big an have businesses in 5 different countries.
Because of this I advise you to pick a different name that does not get you into trouble and makes positioning your own brand easier."

Client:"We want to neglect that problem for now."

Me:"0.0 ..... -_-""""
"Well, listen. Apart from the possible branding and copyright problems imagine how people will find you on the web. ...What will happen if you google 'generic IT'?"

Client:"Yeah well, we want to neglect that. And with SEO you can do something about that."

Me:"..........Welllll, you that SEO is not a cure all, right? The older an bigger company will come up first. Why not avoid that missunderstanding and come up with a unique name?"

Client:"......"

Me:"Please tell me. Doesn't any part of my argument make sense to you?"

Client:"..."

Me:"Well, ok. I will send you the estimate on monday."

___________

Then over a back channel I hear that the client is ...bewildered, why I would not stick to my area of expertise.

There I was now. Left bewildered myself, being the one with the webagency that does frontend design and branding.

linux world headquarters

Any SEO guy here?

Sometimes in my company, I just want to shout "Java is shit". But I am afraid my coworkers will beat me, because they all seem to love Java. 😅

"SEO optimization"
Ever read what the "O" in SEO stands for, Einstein?

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.

When you take help from a pervert developer...

I love windows, this happened during a class, thats the teacher's computer

who's wrong hava , linux or dev😂

Had a meeting with my client who brought with him his brother and an SEO guy. They orgy fingered my Thinkpad screen. Behold the aftermath

10 yrs for github, the best thing ever happened to a developer.

Client: Can you build a Webshop and make it SEO,SEM and advertising-friendly?
Me: I COULD TRY. Whats your budget?
Client: Up to 400€
At this point I slowly faded away.

When your primary Android app (with over 1/2 million total downloads) gets banned...

And all the email says is read these [links to] policies!

Back story: this happened to me back in 2011, no matter what I did there was no way to get in touch with a human at Google, I sure hope this process has gotten better! Having my app suspended with no way to fix and get it back is ridiculous!! This could ruin a business.

Over two years later, on a Google+ hangout with Google Android devs out of the Google London office, I said to them how silly it is that this happened....one of them asked me for the app ID, I provided, he looked it up in a system which then had a reference code which then related to SEO violation....wow I finally found the answer, how silly that an SEO violation (too many keywords in the app description) can get your app permanently suspended. What a shame. I wouldn't wish this on any solo developer trying to self learn and make something...

Sometimes I really just have to say "Fuck you, Google" out loud a few times.

A couple weeks ago, my coworkers built a site where 90% of pages consisted of all images and uncompressed images at that. I'm talking even the text was images. At the time I told my boss that it should be done with css and this would later come to bite them in the ass with page load speed and seo. He ignored me and said it was fine. Well today my boss assigned me with going back and basically removing images with things that can be done with css because load speed was terrible and seo wasnt too hot. Maybe if he listened to me from the get go, he wouldn't have to assign me this unnecessary work and I can focus on cleaning up all the other piss poor excuse of websites they have. Seriously tired of feeling like I, the junior dev is doing the teaching to these "senior developers" who get paid like twice as much as I do when I'm the one who is always doing the cleanups /optimization and guiding them on all their problems. Is it Friday yet?-_-

The worst part about being a web developer is when clients ruin a perfectly good website by asking for dumb things, even though you told them it's either:
a) near impossible
b) not useful/helpful to users
c) deprecated/no longer used code/techniques
e) will harm performance and SEO
d) just plain stupid

Those SEO guys that believe they are some kind of web Gods for building a real crap over WP with a $50 theme and fucking Visual Composer (the most fucked up piece of shit ever) and then ask you to just "optimize" their bloated site so they can get a great score on PageSpeed Insights.

NO.

No way I'm gonna put my hands on that *thing*.

Disturbingly accurate

Evil animals... We have to save the world.

So this mornings i was helping my 2.5year old daughter to count the lines on her potty training table.
me: look there are 1,2,3,4 and 5
she steps back and looks at it for a minute and says : FOUR
i was about to correct her and say no there 5 but then i thought well if your on a zero based list your technically right!!

My mornings are fun!!

The SEO expert that doesn't know the difference between h2 and h3...

SEO is the Scientology of the internet.

A few months ago my now boss, then he was my mentor and school teacher asked for my help with a feature, said he had tried for some time and couldnt get around it, I solved it with regex in less than a day, and the company is like the golden standard of my region. The issue itaelf wasnt hard but being able to help my mentor was pretty cool

I work for a small web agency. So today a customer asked us a seo report and what was her position on Google. She don't even have a website.
Another customer asked us to "quickly put them on first place in Google" cause they waited too many days.

welll.......

This made me laugh so hard

Is it true that the seo guys get more ++ because they know how to tag the post in a manner that keeps it on top in algo list?

Not a rant, just feeling pretty happy about my current situation so thought I'd share!

Been stuck in a dead end job at a small web design agency - you know the type, web design, development, SEO, anything in between - for the past 5 years (I was the only dev and was relied upon to do everything).

Finally got myself a new job this year and I'm loving it so far. Was dreading actually logging my time spent on projects / tickets as my old job was pretty much a chaotic free for all, but it's left me with a sense of achievement / accomplishment and I feel more organised in my personal life too.

!Dev

Hello guys, here is my first rant about my job. So, I work in marketing, mostly content and SEO as the main job and my 2nd job is a somewhat-somehow webgrafic design-something (blame my fiancee for this). This one is about my content job.

As a content, my main role is to translate information (health tech, tech or anything) in a somewhat comprehensive way so about anybody can read my articles. And boy, I love my job, the research part, the writing part, almost everything. But on some days I have to find a way to explain protozoa to normal people. Aaaaaand today I have to explain this shit!

Now, how the f*ck I will manage this, I have no darn clue but I am starting to learn how my dev fiancee feels when he has to explain some complicated stuff to his clients, I swear!

1. talked to a dev and found out he never used git
2. saw a guy formatting the code in eclipse line by line, even when eclipse provides automatic formatting.

I learnt my college junior some coding and development, and we became best friends.

Later I asked her out, and now we are not talking after that. 😅

not an apple fan but it's true, latest Android running devices are always so less

LONG RANT ALERT, no TL;DR

* Writes an email to colleague about why I can't create a page on our CMS without at least a H1 title. She wants to me to put up an image with text on it (like a flyer), for multiple reasons, I say I need a textless image. *

30 minutes later:
* Casually plans a frontend optimization project, by looking at files on the CMS, in order to make further development easier and less time-taking*

*** EMAIL NOTIFICATION ***
* clicks *

"Hello, this is [Graphic designer] from the company who created the image with text on it. I do not understand why you can't put display:none on your <h1> tag. Also, being a web company, we are used to making themes and my solution of display:none will work. It's pityful to work on a design only to have it stripped out from most of its concept. If you can't do that, do tell me what resolution you need."

My first reaction:

"Dear [Graphic designer], I am managing our corporate identity, our backend and frontend codebase, I am a graphic designer myself, and am also SEO-aware. For at least 8 reasons (redacted, 'cuse too long), I will need an image without text. As told to my colleagues, I need a 72/96 DPI 16:9 ratio image, 1920x1080 is a good start but may be bigger. Also, looking at the image, it'll have to be in JPG, at 100% quality, exported for the web. Our database software will optimize the image by itself."

Reasons are about SEO issues, responsiveness issues, CMS tools issues, backend and frontend issues.

Instead, I sent following email "We can't. Image please."

I mean seriously. A bit of clarity for you:

In my company, nobody has the slightest idea what I do. They don't understand how a computer works (we all know it works by magic, right?). So of course, when one thinks what we don't know, we know it better than the one who knows, my colleague thought our CMS was like a word document, and began telling me how I should display her bible-length text-infected image, by using some inline css styling display:none.

I tell her "nope, because of my 8 reasons". She transmits that to the agency who's done the visual, now I have this [Graphic designer] not understanding that there are other CMSs than Wordpress on the web, and she tells me, me being one of the most aware on this CMS we have, how I should optimize my site?

Fucking shit, she connects on our CMS for 1 second and she'll get cancer since it's so bad. I'm in the process of planning a whole new rewrite so the website is well designed (currently I am modifying a base theme made by an incompetent designer). I know the system by heart and I know what you can, or can't do.

Now I just received an answer: "so it's only a pure technical problem". NO, OUR WEBSITE WAS CODED BY A CHIMPANZEE WHO THOUGHT WEB DEV WAS AS EASY AS WRITING "HELLO WORLD" ON A SHITTY CMS THAT FORCES DEV USERS TO USE A FUCKING CUM-WHITE-THEMED EDITOR TO EDIT THE WHOLE SITE!!!

I can't just sneeze and "oh look, it's working!"

So this PR company hired my firm to convert their client's Wix website to WordPress to have better control over content and SEO, not to mention get away from the piss-poor "absolute position everything" setup of Wix. This is a single page design. 2 days later, we deliver it, performing faster than Wix and with a few extra goodies on the UI.

The client's director of IT wants to stay on Wix, because it's "the most secure provider", and will only move their ONE PAGE INFORMATIONAL WEBSITE to another platform and host if they answer a 133 item "security questionnaire". Short of SSNs, they want to basically know everything, including our proprietary and confidential security practices. You aren't Google...stop acting like you are...

How are people this stupid a "director" of anything?

I saw lights and got in ... What it this place ?
And hello everybody I guess

just got my google home mini!!

Lead-Dev: I got a little job for you; put this list of links in the footer of our website.
Me: But... this list of links is a bunch of websites of another company...
why would that go in OUR footer?
LD: Well, Google gives a higher SEO score when two websites have links to one another.
Me: Oh, okay.
LD: Just make the list as subtle as possible. Visitors aren't really supposed to click on them.
Me under my breath: (How are these people allowed to call themselves professionals?)

So I never had a proper education in IT. Started web development as a hobby, then some people started giving me money for it, and here I am, working as a fulltime web dev since 2001 and SEO expert since 2010.

Still, I sometimes wonder how much I really know compared to some fresh coder who just got out of university.

I know how to create great software from A to Z, but still I sometimes get the feeling that I am missing the fundamental basics.

Is that weird?

unix dev swag..

team lead: what is the minimum lenght validation on the first name field?
dev: i decided to put minlenhgt 3
team lead: why? did you tests it
Dev: i tested it. 3 makes sense to me
Team lead: isint your first name 2 letters long?
Dev: oh i dodth think about that

Girl: What major are you studying?
Me: Computer Science.
Girl: Cool. Can you hack my boyfriend's Facebook, I think he's cheating on me.
Me: Go to hell. 😡

backend developer working with front-end 🤣 to

Got a request from a client to remove the dot on the i because umlauts are bad for SEO in URL paths

How many SEO's does it take to change a light bulb, lightbulb, light, bulb, new light, change bulb

Took some time, but I'm really happy with these scores!

js man!

Not learning data structures and algorithms. Not learning programming languages. Actually not learning anything to answer during a job interview.

I am more of a learn-while-you-do kind of guy. I never learn anything, instead just do it. Interviewers think I am useless because I know nothing. But I can get a job done, any kind of job done. I have no learning period, I can start working from first day in a all new language, in a all new IDE, in a all new OS.

I know nothing, and I learn nothing. I am a problem solver. You got a problem, I can solve it.

SEO expert walket in a bar, pub, beer, irish pub

I rewrote my static website generation from jekyll to custom python code over single night.
Literally all jekyll plugins I use including seo, rss, syntax highlighting inside markdown content, sitemap, social plugins, css sass, all of it.
Now it’s around 400 lines of python code that I understand completely. I didn’t touch any existing templates and after comparing output I got even better results now and it’s working faster.
I skipped drafts as I don’t need them now.

Why ? Cause now I can make better generator for my side projects that can include some partial website generation, better modification and date handling, tree structure, etc.

What I will do now is that I will parse bunch of content to create markdown files that will be sucked by this generator to create static web pages that will flood internet lol.

Still I didn’t believe it was possible to rewrite all of it so quickly. I sit yesterday around 4pm and finished around 6am.
I started thinking that maybe I am crazy and no one can help me.

programming 101

A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.

A Client wanted a Webshop, SEO etc... i was like "sure mate". After a while of talking he said his Budget is around 250€. GG.
Move on, nothing to see here.

I am beginning to hate the relationship between email and my clients. I never thought it would come to the point where email is the worst communication platform I've ever used because some of my clients simply don't know how to use it properly.

I have one client who never uses the subject header in his emails. This makes conversational threads very difficult to follow, and I can't just scan the inbox I have for him. I have to actually do searches on my emails just to find recent conversations.

For some reason nobody knows how to start a new email thread. I have multiple clients that will just take the last email that I sent them, regardless of what it's about, and start a new conversation completely unrelated to the other email by hitting"reply". I end up with email threads that are 60 to 100 emails long and contain many different subjects, which again makes it hard to find anything. Never mind that they've usually put two or three important attachments, or username password combinations, or other valuable information in there amongst all the noise.

Worst of all, I have a few clients and co-workers who insist on starting a new email thread whenever anything about a particular issue comes up. This means that just today I have five separate email threads about the same goddamn issue from the same damn person. Am I supposed to respond to each thread with the same damned information? One of these people is supposed to be both a media consultant and an SEO expert and really should know better. Also, if you do actually send me an email with a subject like "the robot.txt error", please don't give me one sentence about that and five paragraphs about what color you'd like the background to be. That's ridiculous. How the hell am I supposed to find that later? Especially since we already discussed this in the other email that sitting in my inbox.

I swear I am setting up a bug tracking system simply so that my clients can log in and leave me bug reports, and feature requests, and will stop filling up my poor email boxes with what amounts to piles and piles threads that I have to sort through.

For a person who suffers with a form of ADD this is extremely frustrating. Why is it so difficult for my colleagues and clients to write good emails with good subject lines, and reply to the right damn emails?

Am I just being too anal, or does this bother others as well?

wanted to try fedora on my laptop nd instead it removed my Windows from the laptop,
now installing Ubuntu 😪😪😪
such a start to the Sunday

I am feeling lonely and depressed. Don't feel like to code. I am introvert, don't have friends. Idk what to do. 😫

SEO analyst (hired by client) sends his inform to client, designer and developer (me) and all it says is: use friendly urls, proper use of h1, h2..., use alt in img tags...

Come on dude! Those are obvious things to any webdev out there who earns his salary. Do YOUR fucking job, do some fucking research and DO NOT dare to tell me page title and meta description are important (Really? No shit genius!) and tell me THE page title and THE fucking meta description... Or...

Fuck off and go find some other victim to trick with your bullshit marketing slang.

Vendor we('re forced to) work with, as we share a client. This is in their stylesheet. Fuck SEO best practices, amirite?! 😒

well there's an interesting error😂😂😂😂😂
Stackoverflow clears our error and then I get a Stackoverflow error
java😂

I intend to MAXIMIZE the background music because the SEO GIRL has the biggest mouth ever like its a market place! What in the world?

The moment when they recommend you WordPress over Laravel just because it has better SEO.

Bitch, I write my own SEO. I'm not only on the first page I am the top result. Bet you didn't expect that.

I wrote a node + vue web app that consumes bing api and lets you block specific hosts with a click, and I have some thoughts I need to post somewhere.

My main motivation for this it is that the search results I've been getting with the big search engines are lacking a lot of quality. The SEO situation right now is very complex but the bottom line is that there is a lot of white hat SEO abuse.

Commercial companies are fucking up the internet very hard. Search results have become way too profit oriented thus unneutral. Personal blogs are becoming very rare. Information is losing quality and sites are losing identity. The internet is consollidating.

So, I decided to write something to help me give this situation the middle finger.

I wrote this because I consider the ability to block specific sites a basic universal right. If you were ripped off by a website or you just don't like it, then you should be able to block said site from your search results. It's not rocket science.

Google used to have this feature integrated but they removed it in 2013. They also had an extension that did this client side, but they removed it in 2018 too. We're years past the time where Google forgot their "Don't be evil" motto.

AFAIK, the only search engine on earth that lets you block sites is millionshort.com, but if you block too many sites, the performance degrades. And the company that runs it is a for profit too.

There is a third party extension that blocks sites called uBlacklist. The problem is that it only works on google. I wrote my app so as to escape google's tracking clutches, ads and their annoying products showing up in between my results.

But aside uBlacklist does the same thing as my app, including the limitation that this isn't an actual search engine, it's just filtering search results after they are generated.

This is far from ideal because filter results before the results are generated would be much more preferred.

But developing a search engine is prohibitively expensive to both index and rank pages for a single person. Which is sad, but can't do much about it.

I'm also thinking of implementing the ability promote certain sites, the opposite to blocking, so these promoted sites would get more priority within the results.

I guess I would have to move the promoted sites between all pages I fetched to the first page/s, but client side.

But this is suboptimal compared to having actual access to the rank algorithm, where you could promote sites in a smarter way, but again, I can't build a search engine by myself.

I'm using mongo to cache the results, so with a click of a button I can retrieve the results of a previous query without hitting bing. So far a couple of queries don't seem to bring much performance or space issues.

On using bing: bing is basically the only realiable API option I could find that was hobby cost worthy. Most microsoft products are usually my last choice.

Bing is giving me a 7 day free trial of their search API until I register a CC. They offer a free tier, but I'm not sure if that's only for these 7 days. Otherwise, I'm gonna need to pay like 5$.

Paying or not, having to use a CC to use this software I wrote sucks balls.

So far the usage of this app has resulted in me becoming more critical of sites and finding sites of better quality. I think overall it helps me to become a better programmer, all the while having better protection of my privacy.

One not upside is that I'm the only one curating myself, whereas I could benefit from other people that I trust own block/promote lists.

I will git push it somewhere at some point, but it does require some more work:
I would want to add a docker-compose script to make it easy to start, and I didn't write any tests unfortunately (I did use eslint for both apps, though).
The performance is not excellent (the app has not experienced blocks so far, but it does make the coolers spin after a bit) because the algorithms I wrote were very POC.
But it took me some time to write it, and I need to catch some breath.

There are other more open efforts that seem to be more ethical, but they are usually hard to use or just incomplete.

commoncrawl.org is a free index of the web. one problem I found is that it doesn't seem to index everything (for example, it doesn't seem to index the blog of a friend I know that has been writing for years and is indexed by google).

it also requires knowledge on reading warc files, which will surely require some time investment to learn.

it also seems kinda slow for responses,

it is also generated only once a month, and I would still have little idea on how to implement a pagerank algorithm, let alone code it.

When you only get 5 results from Google for your Query😓😓

!rant
Reddit comment on a thread about Joomla! sites being vulnerable to SQL-injections:

"Joomla sites are so infested they became sentient.

Joomla sites needs no webmaster, some one else will administer it for you.

Joomla sites have very good SEO, specially in "v1agra c1alis p3nis size"

Traffic count with Joomla is high, all the bots breaking all the vulnerabilities count for somethin'."

😂 Pure gold.

I'm a perfectionist and like things done the right way, but had to learn to let go and remind myself it's the clients site and their choice. No amount of logic and reasoning is going to stop a hellbent client from wanting the dumb things they want, even when it's bad for design, performance, usability and/or SEO.

About a year ago I was doing work for a client that hired a separate contractor for SEO consultation. I could easily end the rant here.

This lady was trying to convince my client to write the same page or blog article several times over and merely change their physical address at the bottom of the page to one of their many respective clinics.

When I told them not to do this because they would suffer for stuffing and duplicating content, their response was to ask me to be respectful of the other contractor's skills and knowledge regarding digital marketing and to call her and sort it out.

I called. We argued. I called the client back and asked if they should respect the skills of an auto mechanic with pliers to remove a teenager's braces rather than send them to one of their orthodontic clinics.

"We totally know everything about SEO, you should trust us and pay us so your website is #01 because we know how Google ranks their shit" (not literally)

No fuck you. No one knows how google ranks pages. No one. And your pseudo information is even free to find on the first google result about seo that is above yours. Oh look, they must be better than you with that.

A SEO copywriter walks into a bar, liquor store, pub, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, vodka, sixpack,...

credits: it-talents.de

!rant

Bloggers are the biggest scum bags ever. Mind me, I'm not talking about the people who blog about something they love, are passionate about and focus on the quality of content.

I'm talking about those people who blog for money, put low quality content and are sucking everyone's dick for views. I've no respect for them. They'll start blogs about the topics they know shit about and will add duplicate content. And then they'll call themselves SEO experts.

You're shit bags. Don't decrease the name of blogging. We all start somewhere and often copy but doing it as a beginner and doing it for money is different.

I'll take example of one genius person I know. He runs a blog where he his topic was essentially about "Laptops for Indian students which are under 30,000 Indian rupees."

Title of that article read: LAPTOPS IN INDIA UNDER $500.

YOU'RE WRITING A BLOG POST FOR INDIAN STUDENTS AND USING US CURRENCY IN THE TITLE. WE ALL SEARCH IN RUPEES WHEN BUYING ONLINE.

I love bloggers who focus on quality of the content and take pride in crafting their content. You're awesome. But if you're one of those "professional bloggers" then suck my dog's dick.

"we have add a lot of cost partly due to currency exchange rate, but we also added some services and servers, we'll have a meeting and see what we can cancel or re-arrange."

So now....
- JIRA is gone
- SEO tools are gone
- budget for site security & SSL undecided
- Servers are too expensive.
$800 for twelve 2-24gb ram servers with backup, I call that bargain

Can't wait to see the websites falling apart. Now where are my popcorns?

var does not mean dynamic

funny coincidence happened at work the other day.
One dev ask to get more ram for his pc so we sent him a link to download more ram... after all the laughs we actually gave hom more ram.
The next day, we had performance issue on our dev servers, and after checking the VM's where missing 4gb of ram each from the original setup... so i poke my dev and say see now we know where the downloaded ram came from XD. man those small things really make my day

Kiss for fucks sake! What the fuck of an ORM is Sequelize? How the fuck do I have to write a 50 line query json to get a query for a single object going, which doesn't work then because that shit peace of software has a bug that breaks findOne and forces you to use findAll and use the first and only hit?!

Well yes, I looked in your garbage SEO docs for that issue, but whenever I look for something specific I just end up on your optimized as hell querying for noobs doc page. FUCK YOU!

Seriously, you guys working with Sequelize saved me many hours. But fuck your fuckups! And ajfjekidjjskrhbdkaowbdjdkwobdnfie

If it crashes, it's linux :/

Even the OS installation crashes, they call it stable release with LTS.

What would you do in this situation...

So around 13PM last Thursday I got pulled aside off the project I was working on (I've been working on mobile apps for the last year for the majority of time) and told to work on a website that will go live at 10AM the next day.

The reason being that the main Dev who was working on the site got fired for poor performance that same day, so they needed someone else to work on the website.

Turns out it's not just the simple "pre flight" stuff you'd typically do before launching a site, it was a lot of work that needed doing - cross browser testing & responsiveness, tweaking advanced JavaScript functionality and then all the pre & post flight stuff like ensuring all pages are SEO optimised, images are compressed etc etc.

Needless to say I worked my ass off Thursday and Friday to try and get the site live in as best position as possible, did a full test on desktop, a full test on mobile (minus payment gateway integration) and everything seemed okay for the most part.

After the site went live (I guess I should explain that another company manages their DNS so I couldn't delay the launch as I didn't have access to their DNS account) as I didn't get to the SEO point yet, so I started to minify the JavaScript and stylesheets, the usual stuff - everything looked fine at first glance.

So I get in to work on Monday, to be pulled aside by the project manager, who happens to be our HR manager too. (who I should also note has been known to do things very last minute in terms of getting work pushed in a few days, sometimes hours before client meetings) and pulls me aside and basically asks me I've tested mobiles, as some functionality isn't working on the homepage for mobile devices (was something to do with the minified CSS that broke it) but to which I said yes, as I did the majority of the testing before I minified everything. Which I'll admit I should've probably done a full test, but at the same time was very limited for time.

Now the main reason I'm writing this is that I was thinking about applying to become the line manager for the back-end department, and she somehow managed to turn it around and play on that by saying that she bought by giving me this responsibility would've been a good test to see what I can do in situations like this - when I see it as purely her dumping her workload on someone else so she doesn't have to worry about it - but she made it seem like I don't care about the project or made it seem like I think working on websites is below me or something.

My personal resume website. Damn my lazy ass, can't do anything. 😥

That moment when your online competition reaches an almost godlike plane of existence as SEO strategists by placing the literal google analytics code in the literal head of the website. Organic traffic through the roof.

That moment when social media and seo people gets paid more than developers in your country.

Are you f**king kidding me!

Facebook only for SEO

Office prank of the day, bunch of arrogant computer scientists that I have to work with was supposed give a presentation about their algorithm; since I despise them I changed their entire printed materials (diagrams and so on) to comic sans. Our boss is an obsessive designer. Watching him cringe was the happiest I have been in weeks.

just saw a production level code, all the fucking variables in the code are in capital letters🤪😵😵😵

one step to SEO

When you see it...

Java code as C++ solution -_-

What are your New Year's resolutions?
Or should we say were.

I don't know what to chose.

The fact that for three months, I had to design a 16-page catalog, when I have no experience and my job is web development;

The fact that I have to do SEO for the site, but that means for my boss that for a one-page long text, we have to find at least 60 (sixty! ) times the occurrences of the keywords;

The fact that when I finally have something interesting to do, the boss finds that it doesn't go fast enough and decide to drop the project even if making a whole new dynamic stock system with the db we have is something hard and long to do;

The fact that when I come to work five minutes late, my boss is at the verge on screaming on me, even if I come ten minutes early every other day;

The fact that when I'm coding, I need concentration, I don't need the boss to give me the phone to answer customers, stop everything I am doing and explain them what products we are selling;

The fact that I am paid the minimum wage for a trainee, and when there's no coffee anymore, we have to buy some ourselves because "you drink way too much coffee, you understand" (three a day, sorry for wanting to stay awake);

The fact that I have asked for one year how many days of vacation I still had, and the only answer they gave to me yet was: "Oh, we have to ask the accountant". I still don't know how many days I have left;

The fact that the site is made only by trainees since the beginning, so circa 2008, and the code is horrible but "it works, so don't touch it". The admin part is in CodeIgniter, the front in laravel 4.2, there are a lot of useless code but we can't touch it because the boss doesn't think it is worth the time.

I almost made a burn-out last year, my doc saw my state right before and made me stop for a week. I still have to work there 'till end of august, then I will have my diploma and find another company to work with. Now, I check everyday on my calendar.

Life as a software developer is a bit similar to a nurse... they often both patch bleeding holes as a service ;-)

God I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job.

I know that you are supposed to make more than what you have been hired in the first place today, especially in tiny company, but I expected to code a little bit...
This week, all I have to do is to deep-etch pictures in photoshop, send packages, answer the phone, do the SEO and be the community manager on Facebook. No time to code at all.

I just have to stay till august, then I will finally be able to switch company. Please make it fast...

Had to ride the train to Bonn, Germany yesterday to attend a Sistrix workshop today. Bonn has one of the worst, ugliest.and smelliest train stations I have ever seen - and I have seen quite many.

The hotel I chose over inet recommendations is a shithole with paper thin walls, through which I could hear the neighbouring room's occupant snore all night.

Now I am awake at 6 am, feeling like shit and haven't had coffee yet. My workshop starts at 10, ends at 5pm. Train home leaves at 6pm, I will be home at 10:30 pm.

Gonna be a long f'n day.

I hope the SEO people I will meet are going to be fun.

what to do with this android studio, taking up 2.3 gigs of RAM😪😪😪
good thing i upgraded my ram from 4 gigs to 8 gigs before getting into android development 😪

1. To get all the wishes from everyone else
2. Unlimited wishes
3. Clients that know what they want and how to explain it.

Just saying

Stackoverflow doesn't need SEO
-- Stackoverflow

A Timehop from 3 years ago stated "I will learn one day to do 301 redirects in .htaccess without Googling it."

I still don't know.

A day spent coding, is a day well spent. 😌

Well it's a bit long but worth reading, two crazy stories in one rant:

So there are 2 things to consider as being my first job. If entrepreneurship counts, when I was 16 my developer friend and I created a small local music magazine website. We had 2 editors and 12 writers, all music enthusiasts of more or less our age. We used a CMS to let them add the content. We used a non-profit organization mentorship and got us a mentor which already had his exit, and was close to his next one. The guy was purely a genius, he taught us all about business plans, advertising, SEO, no-pay model for the young journalists (we promised to give formal journalist certificates and salary when the site grows up)
We hired a designer, we hired a flash expert to make some advertising campaigns and started filling the site with content.

Due to our programming enthusiasm we added to the raw CMS some really cool automation: We scanned our country's radio charts each week using a cron job and the charts' RSS, made a bot to search the songs on youtube and posted the first search result as an embedded video using some reg-exps. This was one of the most fun coding times I've had. Doing these crazy stuff with none to little prior knowledge really proved me I can do anything with the power of will.

Then my partner travelled to work in an internship in the Netherlands and I was too lazy to continue it on my own and it closed, not so surprisingly for a 16 years old slacker boy.

Then the mentor offered my real first job. He had a huge forum (14GB of historical SQL) but it was dying, the CMS version was very old and he wanted me to upgrade it to the latest. It didn't seem hard at first, because there were very clear instructions in the CMS website on how to do that. However, the automation upgrade scripts didn't work well because the forum owners added some raw code (not MVC plugins but bad undocumented code) and some columns to the SQL tables. I didn't give up and decided to migrate between the versions without the scripts. I opened a new CMS and started learning by heart all of the database columns so I can make a script to migrate between the versions. The first tests ran forever because processing 14GB of data on a single home computer is not a task meant to be done. I didn't give up. I made an old forum and compared the table structures and code with my mentor's. I think I didn't exhaustively finish this solution, the task was too big on my shoulders and eventually I gave up. I still owe thanks for that mentor for teaching me how to bare with seemingly (and practically) impossible tasks, for learning not to fear from being a leader and an entrepreneur and also for paying me in time even though I didn't deliver anything 😂

fsfe swag just came in!!!!

Ask fairly technical SEO question on Stack Exchange. Only response is a comment telling me it's be easier to do it differently and use HTML instead of Javascript.

When your project is absolutely awesome but no one finds it on google...

When someone with a Wordpress site asks, what is SEO? 😒🙄

Thanks, Google!

So I work at this company that is constantly making events and conferences to ease the coexistence between the developers on different projects, the thing is, I don't really care about it, I'd just be happy if I was left alone with my laptop to code all day.

Any thoughts?

It took away my life. Now I have no life. 😂😭

client want to reduce size of image by one 1px, for their "seo" :/

!rant
the most popular ecommerce solution in php is a massive (cosmological scale) pile of corporate crap (magento) and the next most popular is an abomination (opencart)
after fucking around with both for a month (the client asked for the project to be using only one of the two) I'm still barely reaching any results, and most of my time is wasted with the stupid bloated spaghetti that is opencart FUCK THIS,
like seriously. who the fuck writes a single line three left joins sql querry with four or five aliases a couple concacts and a bunch sorting fuckeries just to query the categories list, then just query the details of the specific category from a different function,
also why the fuck map each language string manually. or the fucking hardcoded seo urls, or the use of myisam for all tables, and no fucking foreign keys, let that settle for a minute, no foreign keys, the delete method in the model has at least a twenty lines, and then he came with the genius idea of duplicating models, in the front and the backend, accessing the same data, as the same user, but different naming conventions

I'm going to convince him to use something sane like codeigniter/laravel/fuelphp or I'll deny the project

A Client's hotshot webmaster just asked us to provide a JavaScript 301 redirect script for a CMS we don't own/have admin access at all.

"Must be 301 style for SEO benefits... "

So, hows your day going? 🤣🤣

I'm kind of triggered by all these social media posters and SEO optimizers and "wordpress developers", it's one of the oldest internet scam "jobs" in my eyes where anyone can do what they are doing, yet somehow they are getting paid absurd amounts of money for who knows what. I'm just triggered by how much these people get away with. And stupid ass "companies" that I see all over first google results whose pricing starts from 5k and they're resumes are stock unmodified fucking wordpress themes that cost 39-59 bucks. WHAT THE FUCK. I just want to make a huge wave about this, this is straigh up scaming people. I couldn't live with myself if I would charge this amounts of money for installing a fucking wordpress theme and uploading a few photos. Are you kidding me. And seo scammers? is writting a 200 word essay with fucking yoast seo optimisation worth a few hundred? IS IT?

when you realize that performance issue you just could not figure out is the SYS admin taking a full back of your production machine during peek traffic hours

The Google Play Store sucks my ass with miracle whip. Want to find something useful? Too bad! Paid placement for you!

Meta description

So you are running ads and people who click your ads land on a blog post? What is the goal? How are you measuring conversions? How do you know if an ad or post actually helped?

Am: "When can you get this up?"

Me: "I don't have any of the information I need to make a page."

Am: "skip all the seo crap and tell me how long to get the content online"

Me: "you're missing the whole point of a blog post. But ok it's online"

Am: "was that so hard?"

No, putting garbage on a site is not hard. Creating useful web pages with content that is easy to find and read is a time consuming process and it would go smoother and faster if you followed the checklist I gave you which lays out what I want, in a single, cohesive document, all of the necessary pieces to a web page or blog post or content edit. We have templates for you to follow to help eliminate back and forth emails which causes things to get lost or fall through the cracks.

You know your company has SEO figured out if wikipedia is before your homepage on google..

The best part of the day: when someone from SEO tells you how easy adding/updating an extension in magento2 should be.... Uhm, excuse me.

Working at a local seo sweat-shop as "whatever the lead dev does't feel like doing" guy.

Inherit their linux "server".
- Over 500 security updates
- Everything in /var/www is chmod to 777
- Everything in /var/www is owned by a random user that isn't apache
- Every single database is owned by root sql user
- Password for sudo user and mysql root user same as wifi password given to everyone at company.
- Custom spaghetti code dashboard with over 400 files in one directory, db/ api logins spread throughout these files, passwords in plain text.
- Dashboard doesn't have passwords, just usernames to login
- Dashboard database has all customer information including credit card stored in plain text
- Company wifi is shared by other businesses in the area

I suggest that I should try to fix some of these things.

Lead Developer / Tech Director : We're an SEO company, not a security company . . .

Our Joomla-based site just got a redesign. The developer who did it did something wrong. Articles no longer are attached to their parent categories and are now all referenced at the root level in URLs.

I pulled up the 404 log and now see that some website or bot or whatever is hitting up each category for each article, which screws with our SEO 404 report in Google Search Console.

Which means I have to find a way to programmatically redirect every article within every category "up" a level to the root where each article is now found.

And I have no way of knowing which article belongs to which category anymore. Even if I did, a test shows that articles attached to categories still want to come up at the root level, not in their categories.

Joomla is G.A.R.B.A.G.E.

What they say: "we hired a SEO expert to review the webpage"

What I see:

CLIENT: My wordpress site runs really slowly, can you fix it?
Me: Yeah sure, let me have a look.
*logs in and sees Facebook feeds, twitter feeds, 3 seo plugins, 5 backup generators, 4 slider plugins, jscomposer, social sharing buttons and loads more*
Me: Do you realise that you don't need that many plugins?
Client : well they make my site really fancy and my customers love it.
Me: yafud

when a dev fixes a memory leek issue but rebooting the server, and when ask why the production application crashes he casualty replies "I don't know but I restarted the server and its fine now..."

one rant a day makes dec rant a cool place to stay!!

thanks for the stickers guys

Happened today,
A senior guy who knows how to design “says he have a creative agency as a side business” came up with a new website design with the approval from executive and asked us to develop it!

With no discussing with the developers, or the designer in our team! And his design is a full one page website filled with full page modals whenever you click something!!

And my dear manager of course approved it.

I am not against the design or anything, but I am against that we aren’t involve in something like this. The design is doable, but the page load will be heavy because it contain a lot of pictures, and SEO will be bullshit. Developers should give their technical opinion in the design but they don’t understand!

marquetting department: i need a new for on the website its urgent drop everithing else
dev: sure can you give me the text and the fields that should be on the form?
....1 week later
dev: do you havr the info
marketing: can you have ot online today
dev: yes just get me that content
1week later
.... you know where im going with this

When you find it amusing that your boss thinks you can copy and paste SEO from one website to another, you know you've given up.

This book I'm reading on SEO is like drinking nightquil.

The more I read the harder it gets to not pass out.

I am working on my personal resume website (with a lot of css and jQuery).

Two days ago, I got a job offer, so I started preparing for the interviews, leaving the website aside.

Then, yesterday that company turned me down. So, I left the interview preps and started working on website again.

Then, today there is another job opening and I am now again preparing for interviews, keeping the website on a pause again.

Also, I have my internal exams coming up this weekend.

I don't know what should I do. Idk what I am doing. 😥😥

as a SEO consultant:
client: "the website has been online by 2 hours now, and we are not ranked yet??? we need to be on google first page by tomorrow!"

Having my last day at this company today!!! So looking forward to the new job. No more customers I have to talk to, no more deadlines, no more fucking app development.

Going to be the lead SEO and e-Commerce guy in a relatively big company, with my own small team, finally my own office again - and less development (but will still develop about 20% of the time).

Gonna be awesome, but first, I get to have 3 weeks vacation to renovate my house 😁

Going from 80% development/20% SEO at an agency to a new inhouse position with 90% SEO and 10% development. But it'll be fun.
If not, I will let you know for sure.

what's your opinion on search engine marketeers? I think they're smurky and don't know how the internet works. I once had a 'SEO specialist' even telling me that my HTML wasn't correct because it didn't had the same markup as Google's documentation. For the record: it díd have all the microdata, but I used <ol> instead of <ul>. So yeah...

Jump start into making a project from the new technology and stackoverflow how to do anything.

OK guys, I need your expertise on the dreaded WordPress.

(My question is at the end, skip to it if you don't care about a bit of context)

I want to do some research on a WordPress, regarding ergonomics, load speeds, and stuff, to try to convince its owner to switch to an handmade website. I care because it implies some of my close relatives.
I've been told mutliple times that WordPress brings good SEO, so I tried to find some info on how it does it. I found nothing which cannot be easily achieved, in hand made website, by "good practises" and common sense, and a lot of things which can be easily fucked up just because you think WordPress handles it for you.

So, is there anything that WordPress does regarding SEO which doesn't imply you being cautious about it and could be a lot more difficult to implement/manage in hand-made websites?

TL;DR (it is indeed a text wall) => read the tags, it should be enough for you.

Context : my sister works as an "everything"-manager for a small non-profit company dispensing classes in some crafting art. Her boss (let's call him Nic) is also a friend of her, and he's more of a "thousand ideas a second" type of guy than a "more monies for me", so he speaks very friendly, directly, and doesn't always think about the management and costs of his decisions.
His website, on which users can book for classes, is a Wordpress (you already know it's gonna be bad). I already talked to him about getting a custom and fine-tuned website. Having seen my sister use it for administrative tasks, it's a real pain and really not suited for their particular needs. Also, getting a custom website would permit some manual tasks automated (so less work for her). But he won't accept because "SEO is better on Wordpress".

Yesterday, 23:30 (11:30pm) she called me on Messenger, asking if I could dispense some advice to her boss because he struggled migrating the companys website to another server. Looking at the time, I said she could put me though so he could tell me quickly his problem, but I wouldn't do anything until at least tomorrow. Things went a bit like this (on Messenger) :

Nic : Yo. What's up ?
Me : I'm fine, thanks, and you ?
N : Fine, but not the server... It's so slow and I can't seem to get the perfs up. It's pissing me off. I switch from /Offer 1 from hosting provider/ to /Offer 2 from hosting provider (SSD included !)/, I thought it'd be better but the TTFB is still struggling at min 5 seconds. You know what I mean ?
Me : Yes...
N : Anyway, here is the speed test for the original server, and here is the speed test for the VPS one. [me to myself : oh, it's a VPS, ok...]
You see, it's worse on the VPS. Of course, without any plugin everything is perfect, but I just need them.
Me : AFAIK, but I'm no expert on the subject, a VPS will already be slower, because it's virtualized. But I may be wrong here. Anyway, the problem is clearly Wordpress : your plugins are adding a shitload of operations on your server, so SSD or not, if the CPU is overwhelmed, having better I/O won't change anything. They aren't always written by developpers with speed and optmization in mind, so you may be using a rocket-launcher just to kill a fly.
N : I already told you that a custom website means shitty SEO. Having a clean and quick code may be nice, but if nobody uses it, you're screwed. If Wordpress represents 1 out of 3 websites worldwide it's for a reason. Aren't you stubborn ? Anyway, can you work on that or not ?
Me : I didn't say you NEEDED a custom website. I just said that, just as you admitted earlier, the problem is clearly caused by the plugins. You told me about your matter, I tried to find an explication. Unfortunately I'm really not able to do anything about this side of things. It may not be the best explaination, nor the only one, but it's 23:40 now and I'm not experienced on Wordpress and server optmization.
Anyway, Wordpress' SEO may be excellent, but it doesn't mean it's crap on other websites. You "only" have to be cautious with it. [it's not as if you hadn't to be cautious with WP SEO too, anyway...]
But I won't insist, rest assured. Who's the most stubborn out of you and me, by the way ?
I can try to find some info, but won't promise you to do anything. Maybe send me a list of your plugins, so I can try to find some info on them tomorrow when I come home? [I was expecting to find out if one of them was known to slow down the system, so we could potentially narrow down his problem]

... wait for his answer ...

N : There are 62 of them. It'll be simpler if I just send you the passwords so you can look at it by yourself.

Me: [Wait wut] Ok.
... By the way, having people click on your website is good, but having them to stay on it (when you know that most users leave if the page isn't loaded in 2 seconds) is better. You have to find a good balance between speed and SEO. Or have big monies to get a server on steroïds. GAFA has all 3, the rest of the world finds compromises.
N : Here's the solution ! I put a 500 Mbps on my i7 7700 !

... A night passes, I don't answer ...

N : You good at configuring servers ? Especially for CDN ? If I put one in /location A/ and one in /location B/ (for security and SEO)... I have a i7 8350 8Go, it should be enough, and I could later add another in /location C/...

I haven't answered yet. Because I never configured a server, and also because I still can't do anything about his website because a) it's Wordpress and b) he didn't even send me the access codes. I'm just trying to stay calm for the moment.

Earlier I used to help my college batch mates and juniors in coding and development stuff. Sometimes I used to do some projects with them myself to help them learn. Sometimes I used to go beyond limits to debug their errors, even spending hours with them physically or through TeamViewer.

But now I have realised that I had been no more than just stackoverflow.com to them. They just call me when they need me and don't even care about me as a friend.

So that's it. Now I have stopped helping such people. I don't care if that's rude or arrogant. I just don't want to do this. If they still are a friend, well and good otherwise they can leave. I don't care anymore.

Visual Studio, it was a pain in the butt installing it, it took 5 mints to open in a normal computer, debug would eat all my ram and without resharper is basically useless

my workstation, can't imagine to work without it,
waiting for dev rant stickers even left some space for them
Proudly running Ubuntu Gnome 16.04

Holy fuck, I though working with Wordpress was a fucking nightmare, but it’s a dream compared to the shit I am estimating maintenance on...
It’s running on Asp.net and the Sitecore cms... I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anywhere

I’ve estimated 3-4 days for doing basic maintenance like improving SEO and fix some minor semantics. Everything is wrapped in a fucking <form> element, I mean every fucking thing. It goes;
<body><form method=POST>shit content</form><body>

I always start with a personal need. I can't really commit to projects that I wouldn't use myself. Once I have the need, I spend days trying to Google if it exists, and if not, I go ahead. (Then sometimes I find out later that it does exist, it's just that they suck at SEO.)

looking for a nice side project very badly..😖😖it sucks when you have nothing interesting to work on.

WHITEPAPERS.

Not exactly a programming problem, but one of my many task (as i am apparently a multi headed hydra) is it to find Software for tasks. I made the experience, as more marketing experts are on it, and as more SEO is poured in as more information about a topic degrade.

Two examples:
i wanted to find out if there is anything that speaks AGAINST "the cloud" as a concept for Data Procesessing and Storage. (Beside that the company internet connection is crap). There are tons of documents that in a semi "scientific" way show that having a data centre with a constant staff of experts is superios to everything. And it goes on, every company has a different version of basically the same document, and they all subtley show that THIS company is the best.

Example 2:
ERP Software, the most infested pool of filth i have entered yet, be it just a tiny CRM System or a full blown SAP clone, they all have those "Whitepapers" that first look somewhat scientific or informative. Like "the top8 common pitfalls when introducing an ERP system". 7 of them read logically and were what i expected, the 8th was "dont get your IT involved".
Yeah sure, IT doesnt understand economical processes, fair enough, but not getting it involved at all sounds like selfdefense. A further look showed me that this particular vendor has a web-based solution but doesnt provide any further informations (srsly, the website is starved of actual hard informations). The screenshots let the software look a bit oldschool but what really threw red flags for me was the sentence "we are ready for Win10, we did significant adjustment to perform excellent with Windows 10"
So, either they have some system interwoven stuff (so why bother with Webbase then?) or its just another marketing bullshit sentence.

Either way, i found it to be really hard to get ANY reliable information about this particular topic which adds to the overall world experience of missinformations and the all-being "fakenews". But for many things one can usually filter through a lot of different informations that can be pieced together, with this..its all outright propaganda camouflaged as "useful information", some even try to let it look scientific. In the end its all biased..

ultimativly, this rant is about all the people that write those missleading whitepapers, fill the world with biased informations and make the whole planet a worse place.

Boss : make me a project with serverless and vue js

Me: you renounce to the SEO

Boss: no i need full visibility on search engines

Me: i will prerender it :'(

Rant :what i can do to save de seo of an vuejs application ? ... My html file have div id app ... End XD

Fuck SEO companies and their dumb fucking faces.

The SEO campany that was hired for a website by the client just asked us to implement hreflang tags.

Which at fist sounds logical, but it was requested on a website that is multi language installed (english has a .com and dutch has a .nl domain) meaning all installations target a completely different audience and to implement it correctly we would somehow have to make it automatically resolve the url? Like what the fuck do they want us to do, so we called the actual Client of the project and he's like;

"We'll wait for now as it sounds like you guys don't think it would be usefull, but I think we may need to pick it up later"

So that cleared that up for now.

In other news; One more day and then I have vacation, maybe afterwards I'll be able to not fall asleep at 6pm and sleep to 11pm only to sleep from 11.30pm to 6am

In the new job as "Consultant", one of my duties is to maintain the website. Now, the website is based on PHP 5.6 (which they are still using mail method) and without git or sg-git and of course, it is based on cPanel.

Now, I update the website in real time i.e. working on cPanel itself. This is because I don't do for the front end, I do it for SEO. So one day, they reported a "feature" as a bug and assigned it to solve me, I took my time solved it, they did not like it, I reverted it back and I had to listen to a lecture because I did not test it.

Imagine old "wise" ass hats giving a lecture which they do not know about in the first place, 12 of them precisely, yeah that's what happened to me.

Is it just me or are there more people who get immense satisfaction and happiness resetting their PC and their phone?

Like I was kinda depressed for some 2 days, and today I re-installed Windows in my friend's laptop and now I am feeling up again. Now I am resetting my PC and my phone 😋.

Feeling super motivated and hoping for a better start. 😁

How to do SEO in the easy way
On a white background write the keywords many times and make it color: white
Use a tiny font-size and make the text unselectable

You're welcome

"Let's make a blog post, I have a very good idea : comparing 3 totally different things !"

I guess it's all about Seo and traffic...

This is a little shameful, but i dont tell people i do IT since it leads to a , "wow you must be really smart, i could never do computer science" discussion.

Alot easier to connect with people without a plethora of stereotypes attatched to your SEO of a name

To keep the search results of a self build webshop after browsing and returning after searching, my client had "the solution" to make the product page picture-in-picture. He's a self acclaimed tech and seo expert.

In the end I solved it with pushstates

So there is this guy with a startup, who wants me to work with him like a co-founder, putting innovations in to the startup. But I want to work like an intern, I will code, you will pay me money, if something breaks, I'm out.

Idk for how long, we can continue like this. Sometimes I feel I should leave, but then I think about the extra pocket money (I am a student). But he calls me like 10 times a day, talking for 15-30 minutes on phone, repeating the same things again and again, which really pisses me off as an introvert.

Should I leave the extra pocket money for some peace of mind?