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-
*yesterday*
Client: "Perfect! How did you do this so quickly?"
Me: "I used a library"
*today*
Me: "I'm still debugging. It will take some time"
Client: "Well, it has already taken too long...I can hear Mozart in the background. Maybe you need to go to a library to get some quiet and get it done fast. Visit the one you used yesterday."
Me: "Library?...Ah, I meant plugin...like, code...a library is a bunch of packaged code"6 -
I had to add a "I'm not a robot" checkbox to protect an email address written in a page reachable only from our intranet. Boss asked, I executed.7
-
Our programming teacher showed us some parts if his code the other day. When I asked him why he got an empty if-block in there he responded with "cause I only need the else-block"15
-
TL;DR: Clients are dumb.
Client IT Lead: "Your code isn't working on our website."
Me: "Because you didn't load our code into your website. Do that, and everything works."
CIL: <proposes terrible alternative>
M: "No fix on my end will matter if you don't load our code into your website."
CIL: <more disagreement>
M: "Let me discuss with my team and I'll get back to you."
... later that day, in a follow up meeting with client's team ...
M: "Load our code into your website as was initially intended and everything works fine."
CIL's Boss: "That makes complete sense, and I'm not sure why we weren't doing that from the beginning. Let's make that happen, CIL."
CIL: "Okay."
——
👨🏽💻🤷🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️7 -
Once, I used inspect element to change Google's image to one from a meme.
My mom legit freaked out and thought I had just hacked Google themselves, and because she wouldn't believe me, I had to wait two hours until my dad got home so he could explain. During which time, I was yelled at about how we were going to be "sued for millions".
If she only understood how inspect element works.11 -
Biggest hurdle: torn between having boobs and missing an arm. I swear some people are under the assumption the brain is in the arm.
I am fully capable of building your network, resolving your outage due to your faulty code, can even tell you how many users your database can support at once. I don't need arms for that. Nor do my boobs distract me that badly.
"but men are going to make your life so hard" yup. And that's true no matter where i go
"all that typing with one arm can't be good for your back" welp. Find me a job that doesn't require a computer. Or manual labor. If you think typing will fuck me up, that's DEFINITELY out of the equation
"you're too pretty, there's no way this can make sense" dafuq you just say?!?!
"why don't you just stay home on disability, I'm sure you qualify, you wouldn't need to work" I'd rather be a fucking trophy wife if I'm staying at home. Fuck that.
And many more.
Sometimes they're fun. Give me more dumb arguments to counter? ;)57 -
My boss thinks once the UI is made , the backend and integration shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes.
I want to kick him on the dark side of his moon11 -
"I really love the new $3k Fortigate firewall switch you bought for the office after our chat about security but it doesn't change the fact that you can access any computer in the company using Password123" - me13
-
Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A: I don't know it seemed logical -- I couldn't find any real intelligence4 -
My brother did something so stupid, I'm even doubting my relationship to him.
So yesterday he goes of to a friend of his and takes his MBP with him.
Later that evening he messages me : dude i got trolled big time, but reaaaally big time.
I ask him what's up, and what he replied to me, i still cant comprehend.
He said that he had lag on his mb when playing a game so he went to the internet and he came across a post with a command ... 'sudo rm -rf /' and someone else replying 'thanks bud, solved the problem for me'. So he went ahead and removed his root partition lol . I was like : WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ENTER A COMMAND YOU DONT KNOW WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP.
It made me think of another post here 'sudo like you have no backups'
Lol7 -
one of our computers at work suddenly shut down. our boss panicked like it was the end of the world cause he knew we couldnt buy a new one and we desperately need the computer. when i came in he started telling me he's gonna pay me extra if i fix the computer
me: *checks cpu and finds out it was unplugged* u sure bout that?
him: hell yea, id rather pay u that buy a new one
*30 mins later*
me: *plugs it back in and pushes power button* its done
>> guess who's got extra money without any extra efforts yay12 -
One of our clients deploy their own server app. So this happened after a prod deployment. (4am)
*Cellphone rings while sleeping*
Client : we need you on the conference call now. URGENT!
*Gets on conference call*
*Client explain the problem*
*Explaining to the client that the problem is in their side (https connection not working, either network or certificate problem)*
*Client doesn't believe it and pushes me for a fix that I have no control on*
*4 hours later in a heated conversation*
Client : ok problem is on our side. We used our SSL certificate from staging with production and thought it would work.
Me :
5 -
What an awful day :(
The server where I host my 4 clients websites crashed.
Unable to reboot from the console.
I contact the support. 15 minutes later: "we'll look at this"
No news for 1 week despite my messages.
Then... 1st ticket escalation... 2nd ticket escalation... 3rd ticket escalation...
Answer: "Sorry, your server is down and cannot be repaired."
Fuck.
I ask "is there any way to get my data back?". Answer: "No, because we would shutdown the whole bay and all our clients would be impacted".
Fuck.
I subscribe to another server, at another provider.
I look at my backups... shit, the last one is 4 month ago!!
I restore the first website: OK
I restore the second website: OK
I restore the third website: My new server is "too recent" and not compatible. with this old Wordpress. Fuck! I'll look at this later...
I restore the fourth website: database is empty!! What??? I look at the SQL backup for this site... it failed...
I lost ALL my 4th client data!!!
I'm sooooo piece of crap!14 -
So apparently I (as admin) do not have the necessary rights to delete I folder I created.
Thanks Windows7 -
Builds a site around a CMS, so non devs can update content
Gets asked to make simple changes that can be made using said CMS
🤦♂️3 -
I literally cringed today when my neighbor wanted help installing an app, she didn't tell me it was her banking app... And the thing I needed to help with was logging in... So she told me her bank details...
Even though I said (multiple times) it was dangerous to do so, and that she can't just trust people with this kind of information...
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GOD DAMN STUPID WHEN IT COMES TO SECURITY!9 -
!rant
This dumb pretentious bitch.
We are both computer science students, she is writing her bachelor thesis, I'm in 4th semester, but have 6 years of professional programming experience.
So naturally when she had a problem implementing the MOTHERFUCKING PREPARING SOFTWARE, which she needs to begin writing her thesis I helped her.
First I started explaining every last bit of code, trying to teach her something, so that she wouldn't need my help ALL the time.
After a while I realised that this BLOODY GIRL FROM HELL acquired nearly half her credits by other peoples help, so I just fix the code hoping it would be over soon.
When that software was done, keep in mind, I coded nearly 90 FUCKING PERCENT OF THAT SHITTY ASS PIECE OF CRAP SOFTWARE, she asked me to also "help" her implementing a generator for samples she could test the software with.
Naturally at this point I said I'd be busy with own projects etc. And declined.
So now, nearly 1 Month after she didn't talk to me, THAT ARROGANT PIECE OF SHIT WANNABE SCIENCE BACHELOR asked if I could help her with LaTEX.
At first I was speechless. How could she have that amount of balls, asking me that. As I only am a ranting asshole inside, I declined in the most polite way.
WHAT THE FUCK! I HOPE YOU WILL FAIL YOUR THESIS AND ALL THE 12 SEMESTERS YOU STUDIED WILL HAVE BEEN FOR NOTHING, THUS SENDING YOU TO LIVE ON THE STREET WITHOUT MONEY AND DIE A HORRIBLE AND LONELY DEATH SURROUNDED BY BEGGERS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR KIDNEYS!
Sincerely,
Me.14 -
"The CRM has this address wrong" - Client
"What do you mean? Where?" - Me
"When I start typing the business name it autofills wrong" - Client
"You mean Chrome is auto-completing from a previous typo you entered, and you're blaming the software? That'll be $100 for Chrome training." - Me1 -
Having a non technical boss is such a pain. He thinks all the features should be a piece of cake. There should be a course in business departments where people will be taught how programming works.5
-
Guidance counselor at school: so what field do you want to go into?
Me: computer science
GC: what does that entail?
Me: programming
GC: that's like super repetitive, right? You're a smart kid don't do that
In my head: no you mf dingle-dong. That's the job that will take your job away from you in the next 5 years
Ffs, why do people think coding and entering data into Excel are the same things?8 -
This morning I couldn't delete any of my projects and my workspace kept refreshing. I was going mad about it. Then I looked at my keyboard and realized I was clicking F5 instead of Delete. I'm going to get a coffee. Be right back.3
-
There are two types of dumb people in our office:
1.Those who try to open a .exe file with Word.
2.Those who ask me why the file is not opening.1 -
I find coding is the best way to alleviate boredom on a plane.
Not because I enjoy coding that much, but because there are two types of people:
1) Those who know what programming is and who will ALWAYS ask about it interested. (Conversation starter)
2) Those who don't know what it is and just assume you're hacking the plane!4 -
Holy shit! Apple deprecates OpenGL.
How dumb can they be? They really want to be this arrogant kid in the corner that only plays with itself, won't they?11 -
What follows isn't dev related and began as a comment on one of @AlexDeLarge's rants, and quicly became a full fleged story deserving it's own rant.
Oh God, drunk people are the worst and my gf is awesome.
I live with her in a street that never sleeps. Hardly anybody lives there, actually. That's just bars and night clubs, so during evening and at night, it's very crowded and noisy (luckily we have good noise insulation).
When we get back home late, there is always people standing in front of our door, looking at you like you just shat on their already puke and urine covered feet, just because you try to make them move to use your key.
Then I make sure my lady goes first, so I can check that nobody tries to go inside after me. The boys and girls standing there, watch us then, astonished, like you're some kind of homophobic gay or antisemitic jew, then ask, with a half smile and their eyes blank from any intelligence : "Isn't it hard living here?" (or, sometimes, "Hey dude, can I enter with you? Lol". Everytime I just refrain myself from answering "Yeah, the worst is people the like of you."
It happens exactly like this EVERY.FUCKING.TIME.
I'm not against getting drunk, I do myself sometimes (though that rarely on purpose). But please don't make me hate you for it.
One day we got back after a long party. My gf was merry and I was dead drunk because it bored me so I just drank glasses after another. I remember half of the night, and she told me the next day that I tried to buy a kebab with laundry and beer tickets (also a pants button), and really didn't see what was wrong in this. I can agree with drunk me here : you give a kebab, you get free beers and can go wash your clothes. Win-win!
Anyway, when we made it back to our front door, there was as usual people in front of it. Mainly manly man lesbians with some overweight problems. So she asks "Please could you move a little, we'd like to enter and my boyfriend here feels sick". A plain old 'no' was their answer. So from the top of my drunk wise, I declared "Go away or I'm puking over you, dumb bitches". They didn't like this. They began hitting us.
Everything is blurry from there, but I think some guys came to help them hit me, while they focused on my gf. I was mainly on the floor, taking hits after hits, waiting for them to stop because it was really annoying being punched in front of your door and pissed off that I was in no position to help her. Luckily for her, she can defend herself. The lesbians were just pulling her hair and scratching, so she gave them a few good hits in the belly and they let her go enough time to grab me in the middle of the boys (a friend of us helped her grab me as well, though he managed to stay out of the fight). When I took my key in my pockets, they stopped because they thought it was a Swiss knife (because my keys are arranged like one to take less space). I just went like "Guys, you dumb fucks, that's a key. A keeeeeey", before proceeding to put the wrong one in the lock and breaking it inside.
I don't know how, but the gf, with her long nails, managed to get it out in no time and used the right key afterwards. We were home and alive.
I was really proud of her that day, but also a bit ashamed to have just been a victim and a dead weight. To this day I never drink more than a beer or two during parties, in case I'd have to fight or run on the way back. Also, when she gets out to party with friends, she always phones me to fetch her when she's done, because there are cases of harassment and sometimes rape when a girl is alone late in these streets.
I really don't like a lot of people, but these braindead stupid fucktard make things really, really worse. One day there will be some bomb dropping from my window and these waste of carbon atoms and ethanol molecules won't understand anything that happens to them.15 -
My boss now has me writing an angular app but I'm not allowed to reuse components. The retard level is over 90005
-
We’ve got a new co worker for apprenticeship in software development at the office
I hate him
In the first week he told me he chose development cause he can earn much money but never programmed before
At that point I already thought this won’t work
How, about 6 weeks later, he still asks me so dumb questions
He told me for example he needs to print an array and when I looked to the code the „array“ was just an integer and he did not understood the difference
Later that day my boss wants to check the progress of him and for the last few days there was just nothing and he needed to explain him what are variables again for the thousandst time.
In February he must go to school which is part of his apprenticeship but cause he joined our company very late he must catch up the last six months
I am really wondering how that is going to work... and how long it will take for my boss to get rid of him..
He also has absolutely now interest in learning at home after work to finally understand the basics
He just thinks he is so intelligent so he doesn’t need to
And then he complains about not getting „enough“ money -.-
Thank god for noise canceling earbuds6 -
*Signs in to Outlook*
"You signed out of your account.
It's a good idea to close all browser windows."
6 -
Client: it's not working
Me: clear your cache
Client: what's that
Me:it's a way of cleaning the files of your computer to get new ones.
Client: I cleaned my mac
I mean she literally got cleaning wipes ... and cleaned her computer
P.s I told her all this before and how to many, many times
2 -
*friend sees me using inspect element*
Friend: woah dude, are you hacking?
Me: no, actually, I-
Friend: Dude, how do I do that? I want to use that to hack Clash Royale! Or minecraft!
Me: *facepalm*4 -
6:30pm: "You programmers have no life at all. Spending the whole day infront of a computer! "
6:31pm: "Hey could you please loan me some money, I am so broke right now"
*Me singing in my head*: 🎵🎵Young, dumb and broke4 -
This was typical for me:
Yesterday evening I was installing a webserver on my Raspberry Pi for experiments with WordPress. I began some days ago, but I had to stop because the downloads took at least to long.
So I started to logi in:
Username: Raspberry
Password: Pi
-> False Password
Wondering why it is not working a tried again. Same result. After some time I remembered that I changed my password.
Username: Raspberry
Password: Ih4G2tgY*
-> false password
*example
Tried again. Still false password. Then I remembered, that I used my another standard password.
Username: Raspberry
Password: U2gra94hY*
-> false password
After that I felt a mix of angry and helplessness. After some other failed attempts I gave up.
I formatted the SD-Card and installed Raspian again.I started my Pi
Username: Raspberry
Password: Pi
-> false password
My thought: WTF, why does this not work!!
This was the moment when I got the brainwave that the Username wasn't Raspberry, it's Pi.
Username: Pi
Password: Raspberry
-> access
Then I hated myself.9 -
Once, at college I asked my computer science teacher that why don't you use Linux 🐧?.
And guess what he said his reply was "I don't use pirated softwares so I'm saving money to buy Linux OS " and after listening this I was really about to die of laughing 😂😂.
Like literally how can someone be such a dumb and especially a computer science teacher.
After this he asked me to get out of the class and I thanked God as it's better to stay out of such a class with such a dumb teacher. 😂😂12 -
During my final year at graduation,
I was helping a colleague dual booting Linux Mint with Win10.
Asked her to restart Win10; she didn't know how to.
Now, I've no idea how much more user friendly can Microsoft make it, and how much more dumb people can be.8 -
Fucking boss trying to "inspire" us by talking about famous people like elon musk, steve jobs etc.
Well newsflash dumb boss, they are not employees, they are fucking bosses too!
Atleast, consider paying us for overtime before trying to make us rebuild entire project in an impossible deadline.
And yeah, hiring someone who has experience in that framework would be helpful too.8 -
Websites and mobile apps with a text box expecting an email address input, FUCKING FLAG IT AS SUCH SO I CAN TYPE MY @ EASILY 😡2
-
Once I got zero in an exam just because I chose to make a function for a piece of code I had to use repeatedly. I went to my lab teacher and asked her what was wrong about my code to which she replied "This code is wrong because there should not be this function in this class". She was our lab instructor and turned out she marked us by matching our code with code given to her by our lecturer. I quietly returned to my seat and started thinking about how did she get this job.10
-
It just hit me why they called their software "nero"... cause he burned Rom(e).... Am I dumb or something? I'm using it for 5 years now16
-
1. When you are inexperienced, probably you’ll need to accept any job.
2. Learn and discover what you prefer to working on.
3. Become an expert on you desired field.
4. You can choose where you would like to work.
Remember friends: Life is to short to work for an asshole.5 -
Amazon's Deals Algo: Since you bought a pressure cooker, we've found these recommendations you'll be interested in...more pressure cookers.3
-
"The customers of our webshop are able to change their billing address... We don't want our customers to be able to do that."
(in a few months with the new general European data protection regulation I need to code it in again, so I just removed the html...)5 -
Me: *Demoed my search API which supports multiple database implementations at the backend*
My Manager: Great!! Is the API independent of DB? Can you plug this API to any DB?
Me: Yes
My Manager: How can user specific DB at runtime?
Me: Why will user be interested in the DB used at the backend? He will just query the API for data.
My Manager: Let's just assume he wants to select a database at runtime.
Me: While searching a movie on Netflix, do you specific from which DB you wanna stream the movie?
My Manager: *Confused and pissed*7 -
"I know more coding" - Friend
Attached image is one of his "websites" that he put up for download
16 -
I remember while back in studies (Computer Science) we were learning binary logic and such. When the person next to me (albeit learning Business Information Systems) asks "What does binary have to do with Computers?"2
-
Me: So why did you drop the db?
Intern: I couldn't rename the Model I've just created.
Me: Your CV says you're a prolific Rails Dev.
Me: How many days you have left working here?
Intern: 3Months
Me: Just take 3 months off work.14 -
Guy A : so I had to downloaded the one you sent ...
Guy B : wait you what
Guy A : I downloaded the file you sent
Guy B : you didn't need to download, you just had to save it
Guy A : NO, I had to download, if not it will cost my mobile bill
Guy B : NO, saving it won't cost any
And here I am : (屮゜Д゜)屮3 -
this.isRant === True
Salute to everyone who can handle clients (the dumb ones).
So the client I'm freelancing for gives me this website and asks me to scrape entries out of it. It had about 45 items. I did that sent the file. Next day he says my file had the wrong data. He wanted data which satisfies X but the URL given was for Y. The least he could have done was to let me know in the first place instead of giving random URL to scrape and then blame me.2 -
You are seeing this ad because Facebook sold your data in order to become billion dollar company.
Haha.
43 -
"Make us a one-page website for our new company!"
I build the site, to their exact specifications and show it to them
"There's only one page"
"You only asked for one page."
"No, we didn't"
I show them the email they sent me, asking for a one-page site
"Wow, you suck, we are finding another developer!"5 -
I got transferred to a new city at the client location for few months.
I got the credentials for internet access, but I was not able to get internet. I contacted the admin and after troubleshooting it for few minutes, he asked where is Internet Explorer in this laptop?
I immediately understood, why they need me here. I was using a MacBook. 😐
PS: In the end, he gave me the full access without any credential requirements.1 -
Interviewed 6 candidates yesterday.
all of them had 2+ years of experience in web but none of them know how to use selectors in jQuery other than '#' and '.'
LEARN YOUR STUFF PROPERLY 😠😠😠😠14 -
Why is everybody too dumb to just walk... why are people like this:
if(isSomebodyWalkingBehind()) {
stop();
sleep(10000);
}4 -
Today in school...
X: My favourite language is python.
Y: Dumb? Java is the best!!
Z: I loce C#, it's easy!
Whats wrong in this dialog? Z said C++++ instead of C# ......7 -
>Someone opens issue
>Am in school
> Opens Git(Nyan)Hub
>Sees Issue
>"yOuR pRoJeCt hAs a CopYrIghTeD nAmE"
>does not seem to be the case, we're a OSS project and the fact you can't copyright names but trademark them
>Me: "When there's a legal issue, open it up on email than on a issue, and your shit is invalid as well, fuck you."
> Closes and Locks issue
Welp, that's a wasted 2 minutes right there homes
Keep in mind I even asked a lawyers' statement from the company that this concerns them. Fucking FUD tactics again by some random
Let's add the fact there was NO DMCA from the mentioned plaintiff. Wow. just fucking wow dude.2 -
Such amusement.
Was almost about to throw my keyboard at my monitor, as I could not find the reason behind why the GraphQL server wasn't returning the clientType field in the response.
Only to find out that I never asked for that field in the request 😑
5 -
Ok so this happend in the last 3 days, I didn't post it till now because I had to seriously take a rest with all the bullshit and stress that came with it...
(Legacy project I have the lead in called: "Foo")
Monday:
Management decided it would be effective to add a senior and a junior to Foo, which would make (together with me) to be 2 juniors and one senior developer
Well I've spend most of that day helping both the junior and the senior to setup "Foo" on their local development machines... So I could not do any programming myself
tuesday:
The senior wanted to refactor EVERYTHING... and I had to stop him multiple times because we simply do not have the time to do that...
The junior tried to work on other things as much as he could, and after he had run out of things to do, asked me for EVERYTHING... EVEN WHERE TO FUCKING CHANGE SOME GOD DAMN STRINGS!....
Also he did in total 3 commits, two of which existed of my code (because I had to "help" him
wednesday:
Both the junior and senior were removed from the project and I got another senior.. who fucking deleted the production database on accident
god damn rough few days man...7 -
Dev: Hi Guys, we've noticed on crashlytics that one of your screens has a small crash. Can you look?
Me: Ok we had a look, and it looks to us to be a memory leak issue on most of the other screens. Homepage, Search, Product page etc. all seem to have sizeable memory leaks. We have a few crashes on our screens saying iPhone 11's (which have 4gb of ram) are crashing with only 1% of ram left.
What we think is happening is that we have weak references to avoid circular dependencies. Our weak references are most likely the only things the system would be able to free up, resulting in our UI not being able to contact the controller, breaking everything. Because of the custom libraries you built that we have to use, we can't really catch this.
Theres not really a lot we can do. We are following apples recommendations to avoid circular dependencies and memory leaks. The instruments say our screens are behaving fine. I think you guys will have to fix the leaks. Sorry.
Dev 1: hhhmm, what if you create a circular dependency? Then the UI won't loose any of the data.
Dev 2: Have you tried looking at our analytics to understand how the user is getting to your screens?
=================================
I've been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to respond before they come online. I am fucking horrified by those responses to "every one of your screens have memory leaks"2 -
Thinking of making a calculator app that is implemeted with microservices.
Like multiplication service calls addition service, and power service calls multiplication service, and expression service can call all of those, etc.
Next I need to figure out how to add AI to it12 -
A friend of mine did this.
Login: yes
Password: Don't have one
Password is incorrect
Login: yes
Password: incorrect5 -
Dumb ad poster strikes again. They provide “Venture Debt and Tax Credit Consulting Services” using CSS. Oh golly!
2 -
Colleague: v1 of your Bot + dashboard is due the end of March right? Hows it going?
Me: Well they say a picture speaks a thousand words so:
3 -
I woke up early and thaught I could finish some database work today.
Beeing tipsy I deleted two production tables and shit my pants.
Luckily I do backups since the last retarded db-deletion.8 -
Recently found in a UX mockup note:
> greater than
< less than
>= greater than or equal to
<= less than or equal to
This girl left this note for developers....... #smh4 -
[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[4
-
Some time ago a salesman tried to sell me a super revolutionary solution. He introduced it with "today everyone will tell you that in order to save money you must move your servers and IT infrastructure on the CLOUD (big emphasis on the word) but we offer you a different approach: 'the on premise cloud'"
😶"so, you're basically telling me to replace my local machines with other local machines?"
😎"you don't see the whole picture: It's the cloud but INSIDE your company"
Am I dumb and I didn't see the obvious technology leap he was offering me?7 -
So I know most of you got some kind of hate for Facebook and Zuckerberg (aka Z U C C) now, but ffs, watching some of the highlights of this congress-thing that went on makes me more or less feel sympathy for him and his idea, even tho I know he wants to achieve exactly this.
Some of the questions asked can suck a big fucken data-dick. "How many Facebook Like-Buttons are there on Non-Facebook pages?", "How many data-categories do you gather?", "How do you sustain a business model and stay free?" - DUDE WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME?? And they ask that shit so serious and so "now-i'm-going-to-bust-you"-esk, but actually the question is just plain stupid and shows how the questioning side has no clue about the shit.
My point of view is that people decided to have an online life and have to take what it does. Having a smartphone with a Facebook service installed (owning an account or not) is enough to track your location, stored under your IMEI or some shit like that. They may not even go that far but that's just my opinion.
If you are online everything can see you and use you that way. Borders are a fictious thing. A dude in Czechia can easily shoot you when you're on the German side of the border between those two countries. And still we gave up on walls...:p
Welcome to a world which is ruled by dumbass people where nerds who just want to have some fun need to defend themselves because the people up there don't know a single shit.5 -
So one problem checked off my list today, solved by concluding:
MOTHERFUCKERS DON’T READ WHAT THE CHECKBOX SAYS4 -
For a solid 5 minutes, I was wondering why the text color wasn't changing.
Sometimes I really hate being a dev.
4 -
Me and my friend (let's call him Tom) have done tons of projects before and got some decent knowledge, but we got a dude (Bob) working with us on that final project of Uni and he doesn't know what Git is nor what frameworks are so we chose CodeIgniter ONLY to make it easy for him.
2 month after starting the project and getting like half of the work done (mainly me and Tom) Bob 'kind of' learned PHP, CodeIgniter and Git so he wanted to contribute because the project manager will review all the commits done weekly.
So Bob did some HTML (what now?) and wanted to push it on the repo and even using Gitkraken as opposed to the Git CLI he managed to merge two f*** branches, and when he doesn't mess up the repo he totally ignores the files' structure of the project and makes his own thing.
Worst thing is, when Tom tries (I gave up a long time ago) to teach him something or to give him advice he's all like "Oh okay" "Yeah" "Got it!" but he doesn't understand anything and he won't admit it ! It's like talking to a wall...3 -
My project manager said. “Hey MillenialDev, I’ll see you as my equal when you have same experience as me”. I resigned following week.2
-
So...Worked my butt off to have a website developed by a certain date client and I agreed on. Finished the site 3 weeks ago and sent dev link. Client has been completely silent; unreachable by email (I sent 5 in past 3 weeks) and phone (left 2 voicemails and a message with his receptionist today). In ALL five emails I told him I needed the email addresses he wants used to route his sales leads to...Got nada.
So today I seen that the lead forms have been tested on the website. Dude can't get back to me for 3 effing weeks, BUT can test his lead forms.. You know, without the lead email addresses that i asked for 5x. Ugh, idiot!!!2 -
Yesterday we were in a meeting discussing the online admission process for the university. Then in some point of the conversation, he said he was going to write a script to automatically check the applicants if their details are identical in the government database. We were all shocked as we hear the phrase "I will write a script" because he has never done so. Today we learnt that he was giving the work to his secretaries to manually login and check if the details were correct.3
-
Working on devRantron, wondering why comments are not coming up when I click a rant.
THAT FUCKING RANT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY COMMENTS. WHY THE FUCK AM I SO DUMB.8 -
I live in a developing country where not a lot of people know much about security, programming and such. The moment I make a post about coding or something on social media, relatives/friends/strangers come and ask me to hack a Facebook profile or request a free download link to PUBG. And when I say that I can't, or that it's not really possible, they fuss and blame me for it. God damn people.3
-
Both the PM and the client wanted to see if the app is actually working on the demo ,so I just showed a dummy dialog for 3 seconds;They actually fell for it.
1 -
That moment when you are just testing a web framework, you type some random text, open in browser, and Google asks whether it could translate it. Yea sure... go ahead! 😛
5 -
Any boring class:
chrome.exe
chrome://network-error/-106
F12 - change <title> to "google.com"
write "google.com" in the omnibar, than click away
call the teacher and say ur internet isnt working
Works every time.5 -
When you use yourself as a rubber duck and you realize how much of a dumbfuck you are...
Fuck me, I was using a variable called staticHTML in ejs template. But when passing the variable, I was using staticHtml.
Goddamn7 -
Are most recruiters throw against the wall when they're an infant?
Please keep in mind, the entire conversation was over a phone call when i'm at work. FFS, he didn't even bother to ask if i'm convenient to talk on the phone.
Recruiter: "hi, i'm xxx and i spoke to you last week and you told me that you're looking for a frontend development role."
Me: "No i didn't, its the other way around."
Recruiter: "Oh, is that so? May I send your CV to my client?"
Me: "No".
Recruiter: "Why?"
*Thinking to myself: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? BECAUSE I'M SICK OF FRONTEND FFS. WOULD YOU ASK A CABIN CREW TO INTERVIEW FOR A PILOT JOB?! HONESTLY, GO FUCK YOURSELF*
Me: "Because that's not what I asked for?"
Recruiter: "Oh, alright then"
Me: "Bye"5 -
I just saw the Aladdin movie. It was a beautiful and fun movie. I loved it.
Will Smith was perfect as the genie. I don't understand why everyone created a big fuss when they saw Will Smith as the genie in the trailer.
People are dumb.13 -
auto.self.whatever.rant()
A few years ago, we had a lesson on git and stuff, and we had to create our first repository and push something on it to get familiar with the thing.
Our teacher jokingly said at the end "And always remember, no password in a repository!", and I thought to myself "who can be dumb enough to do actually do something like that?"
Now, guess which piece of shit had to reinstall two of his fucking servers because of security issues coming from not one but github repositories?4 -
try {
// something
} catch (SomeException e) {
}
Swallowed Exception.. what the fuck is wrong with you?! And I see this shit in a lot of places in the code!7 -
Just saw on Zuckerbook.
Moral : Put a screaming message for such idiots on support sites to fucking read the error. It's all written there.
5 -
Don't bother programming anything for us. We'll never use it. (I work at an IT help desk Technician at a school and this was from the IT director)
They now use 3 of my projects (one SSO authentication, another issue tracker, and the other inventory) -
Is it just me or Social media has made everyone philosophers automatically.
Like pretty dumb and hopeless folks you know in real life be posting some smart and motivational shit they copied off of some random site.
Dude get your dumbass off my screen mehn...coming around here giving advice on how to make my life better...have you seen your life lately?
It can't be just me...13 -
I've always thought the "can you hack my facebook accout?" rants a little exaggerated.
Then it happened to me twice.
For fuck's sake, is that damn social media site so ingrained in your puny little brain that you can't ask me something else? Is "what do you program" not the more obvious question?1 -
I was installing 2 desktops yesterday... When I got to the place they would be installed, there were no electric outlets in the room. I called the supervisor and said they would have to open a request with the electric department to finish the installation and he asked me:
But I use my laptop in this room all the time, why do you need electricity to install the computers?
I think I achieved a new level of self-control... -
Now I know why our Australian trained junior "Software Engineers" are so dumb. According to academics, "...students in postgraduate IT courses were unsure how to use a computer or a USB drive."
Source:
https://abc.net.au/news/2019-05-06/...12 -
Might be more of a self-rant.. We’re developing an application with token-based authentication.
It’s a big an complex authentication model and flow, which we wrapped up a month ago. All of us very proud of it.
All of a sudden none of it worked.
We debugged for days, there were no errors or anything to trace what was happening.
Today we realized that we set the expiration of the token to 20 years.
Aaaand the expiration time is later on converted to epoch.
Guess what happens when you try to use a value > 2 147 483 647 in C#? Stuff blows up, cuz that’s the limit of an int32.
So yeah, feels good having prepared for the Y2K38 bug already, even though we’ll be replaced by AI writing better software than my dumb ass by then.
(To be fair, it was hidden in Microsoft Owin, which could use some error handling and/or proper messages..) -
We had a quiz in our class recently that some students from our class made.
One of the questions was "Who made Google?". Later when correcting the answers she it was fucking Steve Jobs!!!! Wtf!!! How dumb can you possibly.2 -
OK I can understand he his not a technical guy but what kind of answer did he expect from me on "what could go wrong while you create the new server on AWS?", I had no idea what to say so I whent with "a meteorite could fall on the amazon building"2
-
I'm a perfectionist and like things done the right way, but had to learn to let go and remind myself it's the clients site and their choice. No amount of logic and reasoning is going to stop a hellbent client from wanting the dumb things they want, even when it's bad for design, performance, usability and/or SEO.1
-
There are always three questions i get asked when i tell people I'm a programmer:
Can you take a look at my phone/laptop/pc etc...?
Can you hack?
Whats the green stuff from matrix?3 -
A client just asked why her site was in Latin instead of English (I used dummy text because there was no content yet).
Last week, she requested l chop up a .jpg mockup because she 'can't scroll' the image.
I had to re-read the email to be sure.1 -
When your users are this dumb, it's hard to decide between making things obvious (but inviting potential errors) vs. adding a step to reduce the chance of errors (but potentially confusing people).
It would be easier if people actually read release notes...2 -
I sent my app to one of my lecturers(female). She opened it and it said "Login with Facebook". I had integrated FB login just like other apps for authentication. She thought that I was playing some trick on her to hack her facebook account and refused to continue...
Where to run, where to hide... 😂
After all, the login dialog was of facebook's itself and nothing else.3 -
Today I gave my Network assessment (code) on an A4 sheet as told by the professor. He will later type the code and check if runs or not and award marks !!
ಠ▃ಠ 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸 Where is my stress ball?4 -
Some intellect at Apple thought it would be helpful for macOS to reopen all my previous applications at once after restarting from an improper shutdown. Thank God it's much less annoying nowadays due to SSD load times.
The worst was when Safari was the cause, so Apple reopened it to the same page, and it crashed again. 👏👏2 -
Working as a part time student on an app and until now I thought I was the king of software development.
Well, fuck me and my high horse.
Today the stuff we send from the client to the server didn't arrive, so I asked the backend guy if he could take a look at the packages arriving. He did and told me the data was messed up.
I did only design stuff the last week or so, so I was very confused. After reverting back to one old commit after the other it struck me.
I still don't know how such a dumb mistake could have happened to me, the king of Android apps, but apparently I replaced all occurrences of a specific keyword in just the strings and comments of the whole project. Key became KeyList, so instead of <Keys> my XML contained <KeyList> which made no goddamn sense whatsoever.
Did I mention that we have an important deadline tomorrow? Yeah...
So now I leaned my lesson. Never trust XML.
JK I'm dumb. That's the lesson here. -
No fucking excuses! You should know how to reconfigure your programming work environment from scratch!2
-
She: Hey, if I send you a video (made of photos), could you please rotate the images (they are rotated 45 degrees)?
Me: hmmm sure.
*She sending the video*
Me: Wait... there is some text over the rotated photos...
She: That's a problem?
Are you fucking kiding me? How the fuck I can rotate *only* the images in a video where you put also some text (not rotated)???
Can't you visualize that if I do that, the text will be rotated 45 degrees and the video will be still wrong?1 -
I freelanced for a startup one time, and found out they had ten of thousands of records stored in their DB about dental patients, inducing name, address, social security #, some medical history, etc. All in plain text. Worst part is they hired me after a 20 min phone call, and didn't even sign a NDA!
Makes me paranoid to use the Internet knowing what some of these companies do.2 -
Don't you hate it when your team lead sucks and you know more about management and development than he does?5
-
Introduction:
Privileged in this context means logged in and have a administrator-confirmed access.
Customer calls us: Why do I see prices in my shop? I should have been privileged first to see them. Looks to me that you did not make prices only get displayed when I am privileged.
Salesman: Sure we did this. May I asked whether you are logged in right now?
Customer: Of course. I am testing the process of placing an order with my test customer account.
*crickets*
Customer: I am so sorry for calling. You are right.2 -
Welp, this made my night and sorta ruined my night at the same time.
He decided to work on a new gaming community but has limited programming knowledge, but has enough to patch and repair minor issues. He's waiting for an old friend of his to come back to start helping him again, so this leads to me. He needed a custom backend made for his server, which required pulling data from an SQL/API and syncing with the server, and he was falling behind pace and asked for my help. He's a good friend that I've known for a while, and I knew it wouldn't take to long to create this, so I decided to help him. Which lead to an interesting find, and sorta made my night.
It wasn't really difficult, got it done within an hour, took some time to test and fix any bugs with his SQL database. But this is where it get's interesting, at least for me. He had roughly a few hundred people that did beta testing of the server, anyways, once the new backend was hooked in and working, I realized that the other developer he works with had created a 'custom' script to make sure there are no leaks of the database. Well, that 'custom' script actually begins wiping rows/tables (Depends on the sub-table, some get wiped row by row, some just get completely dropped), I just couldn't comprehend what had happened, as rows/tables just slowly started disappearing. It took me a while of checking, before checking his SQL query logs (At least the custom script did that properly and logged every query), to realize it just basically wiped the database.
Welp, after that, it began to restrict the API I was using, and due to this it identified the server as foreign access (Since it wasn't using the same key as his plugin, even though I had an API key created just so it could only access ranks and such, to prevent abuse) and begin responding not with denied, but with a lovely "Fuck you hacker!" This really made my night, I don't know why, but I was genuinely laughing pretty hard at this response.
God, I love his developer. Luckily, I had created a backup earlier, so I patched it and just worked around the plugin/API to get it working. (Hopefully, it's not a clusterfuck to read, writing this at 2 am with less than an hour of sleep, bedtime! Goodnight everyone.)7 -
So the group announced a merge of several systems into my platform. Growing it from 5000 sites to 75000. Lead time of a year, time enough to build it properly, finish the split of the current monolith into microservices, make it fast.
Suddenly, they reduced the time to three months, no explanation given. Solution is to keep the current PHP shit pile, but "scale" it using magic hardware or something. Oh and add 258 features, including things like "intuitive navigation" and "progressive web app" which some junior PM wannabe got off wikipedia or something.
And my boss has bent over to these morons and basically said yes, instead of informing them that this is a fool's errand.
Fuck em. I've said that they're nuts, and if they force the issue, I will resign. And my team probably will too.
But first I will take an inconveniently timed holiday.2 -
Almost burnout story? What about right now...
Customer was really positive about the new site we are creating for them then, out of the blue panic, they complain about features (calculations) which aren't implemented yet (they didn't provide any information for the calculation until 1 week ago.) And they complain that the site does not has any content
THAT IS RIGHT YOU DUMB FUCKS...
I can't magically create content for YOUR site... -
So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...
Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.
So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...
Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.2 -
So I was changing some CSS, but the changes weren't showing.
Was it being cached? Nope
Was the selector wrong? Nope
Well it was the right file yeah? Yup
So after like 10min of scratching my head, restarting the server, etc it turns out I was checking prod instead of dev.
This isn't even the first time this has happened 😑
Guys just remember to keep your dev tab and your prod tab away from each other, like way away.8 -
At a previous job I bumped heads with the IT person a lot because he would spread misinformation about technology so the owners would never replace him. This was conversation with the VP:
VP: Hey I just got a new security setup at my house and I can monitor everything with my phone.
Me: That's cool.
VP: I'm rethinking it because [IT guy] said it was very dangerous to have, what do you think?
Me: ....? What did he say was dangerous about it?
VP: He said hackers could then gain access to cameras and plan the perfect time to rob me since it's in the cloud.
Me: I seriously doubt anyone is planning an Ocean's 11 heist to steal your TV.
VP: Yea I thought it sounded weird when he told me.3 -
Years ago when I was younger than currently I got this first summer job as help in IT departament to answer calls from distressed workers.
Once this lady calls that "her monitor went black" and she cannot work, so I have to get her a replacement. They got only this big heavy CRT monitors as replacements so I had to drag it to 4th floor (no elevator) from basement.
As I reached her it turned out that her monitor is fine, only the wallpaper was changed to black, that what she was meaning :p
Well, at least I got some exercise back then.2 -
It's computer science college, and yet :
Them : ... so thats how my project goes ! it's fun!
Me : whoa that's cool, do you use javascript?
Them : ... umm
Me : ...I suppose??
Them : uh, i use node and bulma actually.
WHAT THE FUCK?11 -
I changed IP address of the domain A record to point to his new site. Told him it could take a day to propagate, but usually fine in a few hours. 2 hours later... "Microsoft is pointing to new site but Google isn't". I have to make some assumptions here, who else calls a browser by its fucking parent company, that is if he is talking about that or search engines. Anyway just sent him my favourite wiki link on how to clear browser cache and hopefully he will fuck off indefinitely.1
-
Freelance client calls freaking out because she needed the website changes done by yesterday morning because she had some huge meeting with potential investors....
I feel bad but I don't, she never told me anything about needing it done by Sunday morning.
This is exactly why I hate freelance work. Lack of communication and then they blame you5 -
Dear colleagues. Please use your brain. Don't ask me the same things over and over again. It's really annoying... 😡2
-
I was nice to my college and lended him my old headphones, after his died.
3 months later he still hasn't fucking bought a new headset and he doesn't give a flying fuck about managing cables.
5 -
New semester
First lecture in UI
Prof tells us Designers will steal our Jobs and Snapchat is the number one indicator for being young and cool
I think I won't take any more lecture of this crap and just hand in one of my personal projects as the exam...4 -
In my case, low motivation is usually caused by askholes who bitch about broken AF code, which ALWAYS turns out to be theirs, infected with their own idiocy.
Definition: ASKHOLE
- A Person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.
Pretending I'm in back-to-back meetings & general avoidance (when possible) seems to work. -
I have a more than average paying job. Cool manager who is okay with almost anything I do .The work place and colleagues are awesome but I'm not getting any work. My title says SE but all I do at work is play. Should I leave this place or stay and work on my side projects?7
-
Ok I have been incredibly offended. So a classmate asked if I wanted to be a computer repairman when I grew up I yelled hell no and shes like but what will you do then with that useless knowledge? I just looked at her. But wait, there's more. My teacher took me to the principal for having my terminal open in linux. I then got yelled at for "hacking" and it took me forever to try and explain I wasn't but they didnt believe me. So I got yelled at for half an hour before school ended.3
-
i cant stand these idiots anymore. My instructor needed 12 Minutes to understand Megabyte and Mebibyte. He just used the snipping tool to save an SVG from Wikipedia. My instructor is an Person who wrote small Programs in the past and thought that an instructor license is something useful. It hurts listening to him. he was kept busy for hours because of nothing, so we could only twiddle our thumbs. our first instructor went probably because of the Management.
At the beginning of June I will give my lecture for my final exam.
I am fucked.3 -
Right now I'm in drama club and we're off stage. I forgot to bring my McBP laptop, so I decided to use the school computer. As soon as I opened terminal (Homebrew profile) people started fucking freaking out, saying that I'm going to break the computers.
-
I hate my company more and more everyday. 1. Release on Friday afternoon. 2. I should be home but that bitch decided that she wants to change something now, because she forgot to do that before. Of course, this shit cannot wait until Monday.4
-
I love when teachers know nothing about technology and when something closes, or in their mind “their pc breaks”, they hit a bunch of random buttons or keys and make it worse.2
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Really glad the privacy community can make some impact. I still don't understand why venmo has to has any public transaction feed and I don't think they have public off by default still, but at least they are explaining things to users instead of being sneaky with their dumb social-network-ish-thingy that made ALL OF YOUR FINANCIAL TRANSACTIONS PUBLIC!!????
I don't understand why they hid this whole public feed thing. I'm pretty privacy focused and I didn't even know that my transactions where public untill I saw https://publicbydefault.fyi/.
9 -
First of all sorry for the bad picture. Let's move on...
Deleting this method like:
Who the hell did this nonsense?
I just took a picture of it so I could post it here and rant about it.
Sure felt stupid after deleting it for not thinking about a protected method in the parent class that is part of an API.
So... Yeah....
I was feeling too confident in my skills lately anyway
8 -
Piece of shit shitware called visual studio, I only need you because of that stupid vcvarsall.dll, so I gave you a folder on my HDD, but nooo, You just had to ignore this and place yourself on my SSD. My poor SSD that has very little space left.
Fuck you visual studio. To me you are a literal waste of Time, Space and Sanity2 -
// O(n²) complexity
for(x;y;z){
for(a;b;c){
}
}
Dev's argument: "We use this everywhere, as long as it gets the job done! Time is money!" How ironic..
So you would rather make your processing speed suffer for the sake of saving time? No, clean code doesn't matter. No, we should not waste time spending even a mere microsecond thinking about writing better code or at least consider it. No, we should just vomit out bad code at top speed. Good idea, guys. Idiots everywhere..6 -
Question for my programing elders.
I am a high school student. If/when I am asked to make a client a website, what is the general price that I should charge? (Remember, I am a slightly inexperienced american highschooler, so I don't want to over or under charge them for my work)17 -
TL;DR: Clients are still dumb.
The sequel to a previous rant ...
https://devrant.com/rants/1210209
——
Client IT Lead: "We've loaded your code into our website, but *this* particular part of it isn't working."
Me: "Fair enough. I'll make a fix and have it deployed."
... an hour later, my changes are deployed, and I notify the client that the fix is live ...
CIL: "Thanks for fixing that so quickly! Just a heads up, but I've noticed that some of our own code needed fixing, so I've gone ahead and made some tweaks <that will most definitely break your code>."
... another hour passes ...
CIL: "Hey, so, I don't know what happened, but that fix you pushed stopped working."
——
🤔🔫 -
A post today made me think about this interview I had about a year ago... I shall tell you all about it.
Went to a hiring event for this company everyone was cool but this one guy (who would have been my boss) was a total arrogant, douchey, know it all.
So anyways cue interviewing with him a week later. He says if I give you task A, B, C and they need to be done by the end of the week in which order do you do them. (Note: he literally said abc not actual tasks)
Me: I don't really know how to answer that question without more information.
Him: Well I like to see how people answer it... So think about it for a second.
Me: Ok I guess if doing one task would help me do the next task faster I would do it in that order. Like I can use code or concepts from C to do B faster.
Him: What if A would take 2 days and B and C would take 1 day.
Me: I don't see how that would influence the order I do them in.
Him: Would you complete one task after another or switch between them or do see simultaneously.
Me: It would depend on my previous answer and what would be the fastest way to get them done but without more info I literally cannot give you an answer of like I would do B, C, A.
Him: Would you do the longest task first or the shorter tasks.
Me: I don't know I guess it depends on if it would help you or somebody else move forward with something if I got a particular task or the shorter tasks done first.
So cue more of this kind of back and forth about arbitrary details about undefined theoretical tasks for like 10 minutes.
Suffice is to say I didn't get the job and I'm glad.7 -
So I don't know what it is with like teachers that teach any computer/coding course.
First off my computer programming teacher is this big white hippie dude who claims he brings rain wherever he travels. Imagine some dude who claims to be part Native American but he's super white. Anyway our district uses Google Classroom, imo I think it's a great way to share assignments and what not but this man, does not get it. I have almost a failing grade due to this man not letting me edit a Google docs, so instead I make a copy locally and then turn it in. I don't think the dude checked his thing or whatever that I attached a file.
And then I have this wacko web design teacher. He like makes us use Dreamweaver in class cause it's so "much easier than coding" and like imo I don't like it too much. One day he put something on the Google drive folder for our class to copy and paste, he did something wrong and we couldn't get them so he gave us a free period and says "tomorrow I'll make CDs so you guys can copy the files directly"....?! There are so many other things you could have done sir. Like maybe a Dropbox? Another Drive folder? BUT CDS? 3 OF THR KIDS DIDNT KNOW WHAT A CD WAS AND IT WAS SO CRINGY
tl;Dr highschool computer classes are no2 -
Sometimes, people you work for are just dump.
Someone ask me this:
"Can you help me find the 'e from the internet'?"
And by "e from the internet", she means internet explorer...
The problem was, she right click it and unpinned it from the taskbar...
Ps: it's the same person who maked me do my first Rant.2 -
Sometimes I feel like I'm the dumbest person in this community :/
But it's okay I think. I'm just 21 and I've lots of things to learn and experience.8 -
This is embarrassing, but the first days of learning about AngularJS I had to implement functionality about a new component of the WebApp I was building.
I did a good templating, I build the component along with its controller and services, I verified there wasn’t any memory leak and that everything was in an isolated scope. Yet nothing at all appeared on the app. It took me more than 30 minutes until I realized...
I didn’t put the source code on the index.html file 😅
For people who know more about compiled languages such as C or Java... that’s like not putting your source code file in the makefile. 😅
I felt literally like the dumbest person in the planet at that moment. 😀🔫1 -
tldr: my classmates suck and I hate them
We study cs in school, and my classmates are super dumb.
Here is an example from today:
The task: build an http server in python, using sockets.
My classmates: writes everything in the main function, uses try-expect for everything and every error possible, nothing works, nothing worked after a week.
Me: properly separated to different functions, used goddam regrx to get data from requests, used asyncio to make sure it can handle multiple requests at the same time, everything worked after 2 hours.
But, and here is the problem, after I finish they ask me a bunch of dumb, 'Just Google it dude' questions and they call me condescending because I get mad after the second hour of teaching them the same thing.
Once they told me:"you think you are a better programmer then us" and I just want to say this out loud: I AM A BETTER PROGRAMMER THEN THEM, THEY ARE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW YOU SHOULDN'T DO ANYTHING AND I HATE THEM.
That's it, I'm done. I feel much better now.
PS: it's okay to suck at programming, but please stop thinking that everyone who's better than you is condescending.3 -
just did a stochastic exam for my cs degree and let's say it didn't go very well (i'm not very good at stochastic)😒
had a question like: "how many possibilities exist if you divide 8 people into 2 equal groups of 4?" (with 5 different choices to answer)
shouldn't that be 8 over 4 (binomial)? so pick 4 people and 4 remain as the second group, that makes 70 combinations, as far as i know ...
but there wasn't any 70. I then divided by 2 so i got 35 which was one of the available answers🤷, is that correct? did i understand smth wrong?2 -
The Amazon Music app is so dumb. Instead of simply saying that it can't find anything for your search, it exclaims that they're experiencing difficulties, smh.5
-
Interested to know if anyone has ever clicked on an advert (on purpose) to buy some shit from the internet? And if so what was it? To me adverts on the internet are like flies hovering around your food, especially news sites.9
-
Fucking RetroPie ‘community’ are so protective of their little distro that any criticism of UI/UX is met with “maybe it’s just not for you”.
Sure, it is clearly the most perfect software, without a single flaw.
The fact that it does not automatically set up an Xbox controller when attached is purely because everyone *prefers* to do this manually.6 -
The first time I saw "Real Feel" or "Feels Like" on the weather app, I thought that number was calculated by someone going out of their home every hour or so and reporting what it feels like outside. I thought this would be a perfect job for someone who spends a lot of time at home...4
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So all my friends keep calling me a negative person because I always correct them on how easily they can be hacked.
Friend: Hey (my name) I am going to buy a new computer and I will make you happy and not download illegal games on to it.
Me: That's a really good idea. Now shouldn't you also buy a virusscanner or at least make a full system back-up in case you get hacked.
Two days later
Friend: Yeah I got my new pc and can now finally play Kerbal Space Progran on it. It's stupid though that this dlc costs money so I downloaded it illegaly. But don't worry. I'll stop doing that from now on.
Another two days later I am spending my whole day trying to fix his computer because he downloaded a Trojan Horse that took over his computer and he had no virusscanner or back-up.
The problem is that I am 99 percent sure that such a thing is going to happen again and he'll be standing on my doorstep to fix it for him. Just let the doomsayer that is good with computers fix it and repeat the whole process all over again😒.7 -
Client: We need to support uploading doc, docx, all image formats and PDF to convert and combine everything into a PDF.
Me: lol. No.
No way in hell am I going to try to convert docx to PDF in Java.4 -
I realized trying to have a well-argumented discussion on the internet - reddit especially - is like trying to talk with someone in a club. There's a lot of noise, everyone's drunk and you're yelling at each other without understanding a word.
-
Uuugh... 'come let's build a standard with in the company'
Two ( and I kid you not) weeks later, we don't get it anymore let's build a new standard4 -
What is worse than React native? A crash in flutter ....
They need to work on their stack trace all it's errors lead to framework assertion failed, but which fucker in my code caused it....
No one knows, time to play cat and mouse with this thing 😒3 -
This is how my coworker does code reviews... imagine comment on a line of code:
"Oh why does this not do this and that.
Edit: Oh I've read few lines below, now I understand. But this may break when this and that.
Edit: Nevermind I realized, that never happens, forget about it."
Let me just emphasise, that this is single comment, so it's basically editted multiple times, before submition.
Like wtf, just delete the comment then?!3 -
I started programming on a new POS machine and I noticed that sometimes it reboots randomly. The boss and the assistance said that it's a well known bug and happened also in all old machines. Ah.... Ok.
And that shit costs a lot and it's stupid as fuck. Really? How the fuck is it possible? Sometimes I think that if I put a cardreader and a printer in a 50$ android phone I would save a lot of time6 -
I learned today. I do not know how to connect to an open wifi network from the terminal. I was with some friends in a public place and I was gonna connect to their wifi, but I was at a standstill. I've only ever used wpa_supplicant and dhcpcd to connect to a wifi network manually, so I just..never had to learn any other method of doing it.
I know I really should figure it out at some point, but I'm kinda lazy and it's never come up before.5 -
CTO at my previous company think that wordpress based website is took a long time to load.
I suggest to use caching and fix ton of abusive query, He refused. He spun up more VM, upgrade the ec2 instance level to the max. Said that he resolved the problem. But the problem still persist actually.
Blame me for slow response website, blame me for late of deployment because data is not ready ( there's a lot of spam in there, we need to clean it before )
I left the company, Coworker said that he just install a bunch of caching plugin,
He made the website down for entire day and don't understand what is happening. Ask other developer to fix it quickly, to do unpaid overime
The site is back to bussiness, said to all team that he already fixed it.
Everything good happened, he claimed that it was his idea.
And the best part is : he put 'ssh' as skill list in his personal site1 -
Last night : I am gonna change my username and profile Avatar.
This morning , after checking and clicking on the notifications.
Why the fuck did I get those notifications. I don't see where I ranted/commented. Then I realized I changed my username last night. -
How shit are my colleagues? This shit...
Export class TypescriptClass {
DataHasFinishedLoading: Promise;
doAThing() {
GetData()
. Subscribe(all The Data => {
//do some shit with the data
This. DataHasFinishedLoading = Promise. Resolve(true) ;
} )
}
}
This guy has about 10 years experience doing literally javascript. And this code made it through peer review.1 -
I study Computer Science. At school we have a little project group that help others students in different fields with their computer problems.
A guy came and he says that he tried to removed the jack from the audio jack - he broke it for whatever reason - with a stick with hot glue on it's tip saying he saw this on Youtube. The glue got stuck in the jack... We had to buy a new headphone jack card for his laptop. -
!rant
I just realised my VPS ssh private key was in my servers web root for the last 4 months. Luckily nobody found it (hopefully).2 -
website: fill in all fields
user: john doe
kill blood, texas, 751454, usa
me: when the website says street name, we meant the name of your faking street! -
As part of my engineering apprenticeship, I was sent to work on a train depot. One day, a mentor of mine called me over and said "Kid - can you go and see Mr so & so and ask him for a long weight?"
I, without thinking about it - went all the way across the depot found the gent and asked him for a long weight. He looked at me, a little bemused - and asked me if I knew what the weight looked like. I said no. He continued to inquire about this weight - it went on for a few minutes until I realised my stupidity. There is no such thing as a long weight - only a long wait.
Needless to say my mentor had a huge laugh together with his mates at my foolishness.
Sometimes things really are quite simple.1 -
That moment when you forget you're on the live environment and you git pull --rebase from an old repo because you thought you were on a local box and you set the wrong url for the git project.
-
So ,was interning in a MNC ( one of the top IT service company ),
So an another intern changed her code, and later the software stopped working!
She panics and her manager comes,
He comes and says "it's ohk , just take ur time and figure it out, but from next time backup ur work by sending me a copy of code in email ! "
I facepalmed, and was laughing!
Do these ppl know there something called VCS!?2 -
That moment when you spend hours on fixing some bug, and finally discover that the problem is in another piece of code..
Literally, I feel I am on dumpiness overflow ! -
What do they teach software engineers these days? How to be arrogant? If I were present when Mrs. Junior was writing this I would put her out of her misery and send her to clean toilets at McDonald's
35 -
Best day ever. Running Debian based build and accidentally told it to uninstall python 2... Everything is gone. Followed some online tutorial to get my desktop working and everything is different and just uggggg3
-
Who else is fed up of memes on Facebook like 'She was upset because I didn't talk to her. She didn't know that it was because I missed a semicolon in my code'
Really?? WTF compiler do you use dude? Because of such shitty memes, couple of my non-dev friends asked me how frequently I miss the semicolon in my code?! I said never because:
1. I am not a dumb coder to compile my programs with any syntax errors.
2. Even if I do, I fix it in a minute.
:| WTF really! These dumbheads don't make memes on bugs.3 -
argh! I did my first internship error XoX.
The client passed me some url about a wsdl definition of a webservice we should use for our project.
I was to leave when my tutor said that that url was a production url.
Fuck :O
PS:
I used default parameters when i tried to use the webservice... I hope I didn't break the server
ToT4 -
Where the fuck do I take myself?
I love programming, I like cricket in sports as hell, I love blogging writing, love to do sketching have very much interest in photography.
Damit I'm hatting myself7 -
so i just realised my stack overflow ban came after less than 10 questions in total...
how dumb am i exactly??? man’s got real questions to ask now5 -
Wtf JS.
It take two days that root of the problem is two char - "()".
Someone write isManageExp instead isManageExp()
maybe im too dumb about this fuckin js thing.
I go around all file to make sure the ouput is correct.
Damn js, damn damn7 -
Fuking hell!
My mom apparently sold her phone which was not turning on for some reason. Earlier she told that she had gave it to a shop to get it repaired.
I'm just dumbfoudned here that she didn't even consider deleting the data on the phone or even consulting me before selling it.
Thankfully, the phone is linked to google account and I know her account password which is pretty weak. I had told her to change password which she has never done yet. Anyways, I have sent erase phone feature on Google account. Now I hope phone will come online before somebody decides to do anything with data in the phone.
Also, the phone has been super annoyingly slow recently. So I hope nobody is gonna mind that phone at all.1 -
FAIL!!
My driver's ed Course is online. It is a 32 hour course so in order to go through every slide you have to wait for a timer to countdown. The way they keep you from advancing is graying out the next button.
That's really stupid.
Because I just found out that you can change the button class to active in the Chrome inspector. You can continue.
The shocking part is is that there is no server side verification, so I could complete the entire hour course in less than 30seconds.
Wow. I didn't think a FUCKING DRIVERS ED COMPANY WOULD BE THAT STUPID!3 -
Client calls and rants about that he lost mails. He deleted them and says they are now gone. His previous hoster didn't delete trashed mails and he always looked them up inside of it. We told him that this is how our server works. It deletes deleted mails. And we obviously didn't transfer old deleted mails.
-
Every once in a while I'm the stupid one at work. Was wondering why my Google Chart tooltips flickered on hover. Found some bug and a workaround on SO but it kept happening. Then I noticed the container div kept refreshing and I couldn't explain why. Until I commented all my code and by systematically enabling it line by line I noticed my dumb ass used setInterval instead of setTimeout. Well yes if you keep redrawing the chart it is going to flicker! *facepalm*
-
Manager: We gotta new module to develop for our existing product. As I'm leading the team, I'll be involved in designing the module.
Me: Okay.
Manager: *Just after a couple of hours, sends me these lame block diagram which doesn't make any sense*
There you go, this is the complete architecture of the module. Start developing it.
Me: *Woah!!* 😵 -
Dumbf*** network guy in my company doesn't know that customer portal has database and you run queries to get the data.
So pissed off that anyone can do fing CCNA and qualify to work in IT these days
Also stupid company for having a web based database -
When your customer is really proud he just purchased a top of the line software made in the 80's, using Java 1.6, and SQL 6.5
Oh, nevermind there an update that brings it to Java 6 and SQL 2000.2 -
I've been running Linux on my laptop natively for five months (since the 2nd week I got here). My boss and everyone on my team is okay with this. I've used Linux at the last three companies I've been at since 2012.
All I asked for was a Windows VM so I could use WebEx (which I did at my last job; used Win10 in Virtual box just to share my screen via x11vnc and reset my password occasionally). At my last job, they said Linux users were on their own, but they at least gave us a Windows ISO, license and ability to connect it to the domain. It was a west coast company, with 500 people in IT and several Linux users. The IT team at my current shop has known I've been running Linux for months.
Now the word has come down that I can't have Linux on my laptop and I need to put macos back on it (it's actually on there; just dual booting) for security or some shit. We have a massive deadline and project due in like two months and it would throw me off for several days if I needed to bring in and setup a personal laptop.
Fuck asking our worthless IT department for anything. I told the lead engineer I'd bring in my personal laptop before going back to Mac.2 -
Format must be png so we have a transparent background and image must be animated.
Me: Do you need to pause on mouseOver?
Dumb fuck.3 -
mov al, [var]
var db 07h
Error on line 1: undefined operation size.
Silly me defining a byte, using mov on a byte-wide register with said byte-wide variable. What size it could be, the byte-wide variable is soo fucken unknown i'm so sorry.1 -
tl;dr: why is it so hard to build a pc?😒
why is it so damn hard to find the right pc components for developing/image editing/gaming/...?😟
i've been googling around and watched many youtube videos on what components to buy/what to watch out for/tips/problems/etc...
i want to build a decent pc for web, mail, office, developing, running linux as VM (for experiments), edit images, doing most in multitasking (and maybe also play some games) ... basically everything, but i can't wrap my head around what to choose😟
every time when i think (for example) "ok, ryzen 5 2400G, that must be it!' there's always smth negative about it, come on!!🙄😤
i wanted to make an AMD setup for 1000€ max
i feel like as a developer/"kinda it guy" i know what i need, then again i feel dumb as fuck, not knowing what to choose and i'm almost certain i will pick smth wrong😪
do u guys have any suggestions for me/any help?22 -
god i hate to hack company's pc because i can not use common tools....
story time!!! :D
I tried to install xamp on the company's pc and everything went fine until windows decided to block apache.
Then i tried to change apache's listening port to 80 to 9090 and windows let apache run....
stupid windows and stupid network >:(6 -
Guys, i'm so sad and laughing too cause i losed my GitHub account. I tried to recover but... i don't have the old OS where i had the SSH key so i can not authenticate myself as the owner, don't have the 2FA on my new mobile because i'm dumb and... i don't had the recovery codes... please, kill me...
The good news, i can make another account with the same e-mail.2 -
Spent nearly 2 hours why the module/plugin on the system was not working. Delete the plugin. Get it from git. Nope. Restart all services, restart server. Still the same. No errors, nothing.
Realized that I had cloned the wrong git repository.
Fuck me.1 -
The product owner, cum our solutions architect is dumb.
It takes him ages to explain one shit.
Also, he is an expert on triggering useless chaos and panic, thanks to his innate abilities to misinterpret shit.
He thinks everything should happen at 3×10^8 m/s.3 -
Finally got that damn web app to send out mails (2am). Turned out mail server worked, rails was properly configured, delayed jobs were running and were getting proper rights and environment. The issue was wrong configuration in app itself (somebody skipped part of the wizard). But still, fixing somebody's else server with webapp I know just a little about in languages I know even less about (not a web developer) after few guys failed and just within five hours, makes me feel both dumb (should have noticed much sooner) and proud (figured it out in the end).
-
I was writing some JS files, and each time I tried to run them, the browser gave me errors on multiple lines. After looking at the source code, editing tons of lines and still not getting any result, I opened the source through the Chromium console and noticed it was different from mine. I thought there was a problem saving the file. Checked folder permissions, restarted Atom and Chromium, but still nothing.
What happened? I had opened the backup file in Chromium. 😩3 -
Some IT recruiter actually had the nerve to enlist my co-partner for a job offer in Munich. We are an IT-agency ourselves. Recently founded. 300km away from Munich. The fuck was he thinking?
-
I fucking hate Richard Hendricks. That long nose jack off is not qualified to lead a retarded child to the loo let alone heading a company!2
-
3 weeks back took a bug..
**long rant**
Looked into it and found that it is exist in older version(say V1) as well.
Sent mail to client stating i can fix this in current version (say V2). Since V1 is already released and our current code stream is V2 and so if we fix in V2 , the code will not reach V1 code base.
**explained to client**
Client : I mean if you fix why it won't work in older release.
Me: Explains how code streams will work.
Client : Okay.. but it will support the functionality in V1 , right ?
Me: (*internally* are fucking kidding me? It won't work dumb ass.) No. It won't work in older versions. I am fixing it in V2.
client: okay.. Let's proceed.
Me: Done code changes. Send code to review. (we have to send review to upper level manager).
Manager1 : I didn't liked this part. can you change this ?
Me : sure. Done.
Manager1 : Now i liked it. Sent review to Manager2.
Me: why the fuck ? Are you not sure about my changes are good?
Manager 2: I liked it, but need some log changes.
Me: Fuckkkk...... Let me change this.. Done. Now can I promote those changes?
Manager2: No we need to send review to client manager as well.
Me: Goddammit.. Okay.. sent review.
*After a fucking week..*
Client Manager : Looks good. Push the code.
Me: Finally..
(This process took 18 days which would have been completed in 3 days if there is only one peer review)
Now the other guy from client whose tracking the bugs reported why it took so long to fix it.
I think my client manager is over paid and can't even know how his company code stream works. Fuck you . why client has these lazy ass old fucking "I don't look into my email" type people. God I hate these "I am in rich country" people.2 -
Just spent two hours figuring out why some tests did not run correctly.
FYI: if you’re using pytest, do not forget the ‘s’ at the end of the usefixtures decorator.
@pytest.mark.usefixtures(‘session’)
class TestFoo:
pass
I feel so dumb! -
Well well well,
I had the habit of ranting about my idiot co-worker that does dumb shit, asks me to correct it and then takes credit.
But sometimes the dumb fuck is me and this is one of my masterpieces of brainfarts!
-
showing project in school event:
me: [...] and we have this public survey, if you may, please answer it to help us get better
survey: "any scientist or historical public figure you want to see in the game?"
6 people answers "me" thinking we'd know who it is. there would be 7 if I haven't stopped she from doing it and explained to her... -
Client: "We don't rank for {competitive keyword}. What is wrong with your code? Or is it the design?"
Me: "I'm the designer, not the SEO guy"***sits client down to explain SEO -
No matter how many times I look at the man page always manage to create and send an empty zip file in important emails.
Fortunately the recipients have always been tech illiterate and I can get away with saying the file was "corrupted"3 -
Rewriting some fractal generation code for a client in Python. his original code was in Visual Basic. he sent me his original code as a fucking Microsoft Word document...............
-
Was at an Angular talk at the Microsoft Center in Munich. The talkers bashed MS way to much. Even for a Linux lover like me.
I wanted to her something about Angular and not how much you hate MS!!!!7 -
iOS public beta: people download it like a new gm release. « Why this shit are not working... » 🤯
Can’t wait two month more? Stupid users!1 -
Endomorphism: hmm nice big word there
Isomorphism: oooooo tell me more
Homomorphism: oooOooOOoO00
Catamorphism: (heavy breathing)
Folding promises: afgskajdgkahdjhaj
-
Right now, most of my friends in whatsapp are doing one of those stupid viral message challenge that is designed to "testify friendships".
This latest one that i got goes something like this: they ask to send one of your pic to them and they will add it to their status. Then you have to also add their pic they send you as your status. Also you have to forward the challenge to your friends.
I don't know who comes up with such crazy stupid messages that is designed to force people change their perception of friendship. It's amazing how simple and gullible people are to such messages.
Spoiler Alert: yep, i also send it to few of my friends just for the heck of it.4 -
Confession:
I've been working as C# programmer for an entire year, and I wrote desktop app as well as win services, but when it comes to practice (cause I moved to PHP about 7 months ago) on Codewars I go completely wrong, and it's even worst on Hackerrank.
Have to admit, feel so dumb and lost2 -
rant on stackoverflow
For god's sake, newbies understand what we are saying. Don't just blindly write whatever the fuck comes to your mind.
Someone just wrote a website link in the answer and he is not even trying to understand that its an answer so include the solution not just the link.
IDIOTS!!!4 -
TFW you can’t figure out why your code is only running once, then realize that you forgot to put it in a loop.
(It’s in a try catch block so my brain interpreted that as a loop) -
In the beginning I created a CLI script to manage some production tests of our embedded product. Then they wanted a GUI with a single textbox and button. Then they wanted a shortcut on the desktop to that GUI.
Now one guy I know in 'production' insists that I keep adding to the documentation for things outside the scope of the software and more towards what will be sent to other production workers. Some of which includes 'ensure the cables are plugged in'. He says that he and other production workers are dumb and need a bulletproof guide. Fair enough, I say...maybe get a brain also?1 -
Just observed a robot lawnmower driving in circles on a small hill on someone’s lawn.
Teslas are supposed to be able to drive autonomously in city traffic... -
When you deliver a site to a customer and find out that you forgot to prepare all the statements so that the website wouldn't be vulnerable to SQL injections. So yesterday I forgot to add that, had to close down all the connections to the website and rewrite all the statements. Everything is good now
-
Hello, folk! I have strange question! =/. Why I should use Linux??? I have w10 and it's amazing. Specially all office 365. But I wan't to use linux, just don't know why, because it's hard to use them:D. So I'm looking for strong answers why to use it! Can somebody help me?? =)6
-
So many years of web dev and I still google the "jQuery $" function every time...
(function (window, $, undefined) {
}(window, jQuery));4 -
Semi-rant
Saw an ad that required 8+ years experience in Swift.. Didn't Swift come out like... 4 years ago? Can these recruiters have a sense of what they're doing and the area they're in please. Not just this one, but many others as well.1 -
why am i not able to find a way to use multidimensional associative arrays in vba?
plus: why am i too dumb to see my own data structure and process data sheets in a complicated way instead of using prepared data with a simple string split?3 -
So... According to this chart devs should not listen to heavy metal and punk...
https://columnfivemedia.com/work-it...2
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