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@BlueNutterfly You're Dutch as well right? DUO can get you to €870/m during your studies, if you can find a job for one day a week you're getting pretty close to independence. Having freedom in 4m2 of student housing can be preferable over living in a golden prison.
See if someone at your uni has an old phone in a drawer, so you can at least check mail & study schedule on any wifi.
If you ever need any immediate help, send me a message at bitter.sweet@tutanota.com. I still have a pretty old but functioning windows 7 laptop sitting here, although I bet that wouldn't help the relationship with your parents. -
@bittersweet I'm Georgian.
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@olback Try that with a PC or a mobile. If I don't give those to them, they will forcibly take them. (Headphones were just attached to the phone.) No joking.
I'm not really strong, but not weak, either. -
@BlueNutterfly I'm sorry. :(
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@olback Don't worry.
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@BlueNutterfly Well yes and no. Programming is my life and I would be so damn upset if someone took my stuff away.
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@BlueNutterfly If you can, try to spend more time at your univeristy, work and learn there all tech related stuff.
Your parents may then get mad that you come home later, but if they don't get it then, that you really need this time to learn tech stuff and make progress, it is time to move out.
There should be institutions in Georgia too, who help students financially.
This whole poisonous situation you have at home is far from helpful for your future.
I have enough experience to tell you that you will be much much better off, if you move out, doesn't matter how old you are. Your current family situation is dangerous for you and could lead to serious depression...
You should also contact relevant people at your university to get tipps or help how to resolve your situation.
Parents like this are the worst when you are studying!
Mine were fucking sick psychos who gave no fuck at all about helping or supporting and also tried to take away my pc and other stuff multiple times, came into my room without knocking and so on... no fucking respect at all.
When I finally managed to move out of their psycho hellhole, I got muh better, but my depression took a LOT of time to heal. Even after moving out. -
@mjacob, @Alice Aww... So adorable.
@PonySlaystation See, I ALREADY am struggling with a severe form of Major Depression AND going to a psychiatrist as well... -
@PonyPlaystation From what I can understand of my mind, I have been struggling with symptoms of Depression most of my life. It never got to this severity even though I have a few semi-attempts at suicide to remember. I say semi-attempts, because I always somehow forced myself not to follow through with it.
I am once again dangerously close to my suicide attempt state of mind. I will find a way to go through it.
I'm this close to absolutely giving up on life.
Everything seems so grey and uninteresting. Time goes on the same fucking way every day. People are the same grey fucking mice everywhere. Nothing makes me smile beyond five minutes.
Why try? -
@BlueNutterfly That's really sad...
but don't try to get into a downward spiral. There are a lot of beautiful things in life, your current situation just doesn't allow you to see it.
Sucide is never a solution for problems. It only leaves open questions to the people left behind and the person who knows its answers has left the world.
I'd really recommend you to seek help on moving out. There should be people or institutions willing to help with money and living space. First ask your psychiatrist if he knows an institution which could help you moving out.
The longer you stay at your parents' home, the heavier everything will get.
Eventhough parents are (at least biologically) ones closest people, they can be the most poisonous people.
Not all parents get how to properly raise and support their own flesh and blood.
Some devRanters can support this statement as I've seen from previous discussions.
There is no obligation that you have to hav contact with your parents. -
@BlueNutterfly try. Trust me. I cannot promise you anything solid. Ok I know my argument has turned crap. But please please trust me. What he said is all true.
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@Condor I have zero intention to dismiss your advice. But you are a dude and she is a chick.
So again, I just wanna tell her to think things twice or thrice before acting. I'm sorry if I sound sexiest or something. But I just don't want you to be in worse situation than this.
So please pleas, cool your mind, and do some SWOT or whatever analysis you can before coming up with what to do with your life.
I truly believe this is the most critical moment of your life and we are as best as an internet comment can be. -
@Condor yeah. I have experienced the Singapore nights and Yangon nights. The former being super safe and the later being well, you know, not safe.
The world is full of ducked up people. We gotta be on our alert and super careful. -
You are gonna have to somehow "fight" back... otherwise all frustrations are let out on you because you are an easy target (seen it a billion times with friends). I guess it's easier for guys, because they can't really hurt us physically that bad... Also depression tends to make you a feel bad about yourself (which in turn makes you feel good about feeling bad), it's a vicious cycle.
If you can get out that's probably the best idea though, even I wished some days I lived alone in a 4m^2 room, and I have it pretty good. Good luck anyways, find other ways to learn, find a good book on your interests it's harder for them to justify taking that away. Though you'll need a computer at some point. -
@BlueNutterfly have you ever thought about studying abroad? You could choose a university that teaches stuff you would really like to know.
The amazing side effect is that you can move as far away from your parents as you'd like to. Additionally, make them feel like it's because you want to focus on your studies... Perfect excuse.
Note: You could move near other devRanters; friendships guaranteed! =) -
Similar things have happened to me but not on this magnitude. This is some fucked up shit on a new level. I'm honestly really surprised that you haven't ran away yet or gone completely insane. You're an adult after all and they shouldn't be treating you like a toddler.
Idk if you can but maybe rent a laptop from your university or college...? I don't think they would take that off you.
But I digress.
I wholeheartedly hope that your situation improves and I hope your next long rant will be about something not as bad as your parents. -
@CurseMeSlowly You are not sexist. I have a luck of attracting creeps. That's why I wholeheartedly avoid going outside at night if I can help it.
Did you say... SWOT? I've actually had to do shit like that at the university when they taught us business as a general education subject. So it makes me laugh a bit. And yes, it is SWOT- Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats.
@wolt Why would you think that?
@Byomeer The thing is, I kinda fear crowds and am terrible at making friends... I have been to a few places in Europe with parents. Needless to say, they had basically everything crammed in such a manner I just cannot remember most of it even though it was in September of 2015. I really like Prague for some reason...
@andros705 Funnily, they(parents), have suggested studying abroad. The condition is that I finish the university.
I had a call from an old group mate, asking if I could help her with an apple chips startup business. What luck. I thought she forgot me already. -
Now I missed a fucking exam. I thought I had checked... My bad.
Can anyone tell me if it's normal having Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night" stuck in one's head in my situation?
I thought of asking that group mate for help with a shelter. It might be a stretch, but I have to do something. I have basically no friends in real life and the only one I have remaining is in need of help herself.
Funnily, they think hiding my stuff is how they can get me to give up trying to look for them. I've located the case already. Mother has the phone. I don't know about the headphones. It's gotta be near the case somewhere.
I returned to Yoga after 6 months of hiatus. It seems my psychiatrist is of no help.
So far, so good. I'm also using our Anrdoid TV's YouTube app quite a lot for music. I cannot exist without music. Yesterday we had an impromptu 20th century music day. Listened to songs from 1910s-1980s and some video game soundtracks. It made me feel great. Music is magic, I tell you. -
@c3ypt1c The problem with that is that I have zero money. I would have to ask parents for it and yes, the things are not free for a student. The best I can get from the university is a netbook.
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Well not sure how you are missing exams or can't remember the schedule. I guess that's the main problem. Your parents are paying for your education right so to them you're kind of wasting their money?
I'd say fix the problem, get a notebook/planner to write this stuff all down, make it a routine to check it a few times a day/as needed.
Psychiatrists never really help... I've tried having some because the sessions were free but basically you talk, they "listen" then they ask so questions and then you talk more...
Nothing really came out of it... It's like forced journaling... I should really do that... I bought a course on how to journal... Haven't watched it yet...
I can't say much about game dev but for me all I needed to do to keep my parents sorta happy was make the grades... And well to me uni returned it to be a waste of time... The degree was useless... As far as I know, I don't use anything I learned during those years now... -
You can usually rent a room close to universities. Students usually don't have the money for single apartments, so they'll split the bill instead. 10 hours work a week should be enough to cover basic bills. You can also check out low income assistance, for food, medical insurance etc.
Life is seldom game over. It just takes some.. creativity.. from time to time. -
Can't your parents see what they're doing? They need to reevaluate why they're taking the technology away in the first place.
It's like taking the pencil and paper away from an artist. Sure they can't doodle anymore, but you've taken away their tools! It just makes no sense to me.
If I were them, I would put a boundry in, instead of randomly taking away your tools.
The boundry would be like so:
We will fund you're course, once. If you doodle around then you will fail your course and then we will not pay for the next one.
It still sounds kinda harsh, but this is much more acceptable.
I know I'm kind of just repeating what others have said, but always remember that no matter what happens, us, this community care for you. We are like a big group of friends here.
Are your parents usually like this?
What are they like normally?
Good luck my friend! -
Depression never really goes away and so misunderstood in general. I dropped college and ran away from my parents because my dad was abusive and they were holding me back from being who i wanted to be. While it was hard leaving everything behind, it was the most important move i ever made.
We are all hear for you, you know that and will support you in what ever you decide to do. -
@elonmusk but then they countersue for the value of your life which they have a legitimate claim to.... And they kick you out after you're forced to declare bankruptcy...
The answer is figuring out how to get away from them.
My new apartment comes with responsibilities but much freedom.... Took me 6 yrs of working to buy... With some help from my parents. -
It's really sad to hear that such parents exist who takes the stuff away from which you would study :(
Well I hope you'll once be able to study what you want ^^ I've been doing game dev for a few years now and it's quite nice. Maybe you could try to create something small and make then understand it's better. -
@Drillan767 can we not use Autistic as a negative word? It's a neurological condition, not an insult :(
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@luckyalpaca Talk about this with @BlueNutterFly, I only used this word because she used it
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@Drillan767 that's a pretty childish reason.
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I'm late to the party, but I hear the OP's been gone awhile. I completely understand. All tech was under embargo at my dad's, he had custody. Shit ton of time I'll never get back. I'd be such a better programmer had they not fucked me over. As of August, I'm completely out of their reach.
It's hard, but you have to replace the hurt with aggression. That's how I got past them. The moment you tell them they're holding you back and you're 18 and can move tf out and make your own mistakes, the better. -
@carlosjpc It's the confrontational aspect of it, I think. IMHO should probably sever ties first, THEN write reasons and send them, as a big fuck-you. However, at least here in the US, there are laws that prevent parents from being able to obtain grades without the ADULT's consent.
That said, there's a reason I'm not living back at home - I'm much happier in the dorms. There's not some 40-something-year-old jackass that can crawl up my asshole and add to the stress (parents make things worse, not better) when something goes wrong. None of their fucking business, and no, I'm not sorry.
IF you want what's best for your kid, let them fuck up. You telling them what not to do won't fucking help. All the fear mongering in the world won't help. Some things just have to be seen from the individual's perspective. That's - in a lot of cases - the only way for them to learn. -
@YourNemesis yes, she's back
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@BlueNutterfly could we get a followup??
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Blue, can I send you an iPhone that you can hide and use on WiFi for searching and anything else you’d like? This is ridiculous and you don’t deserve this shit... You’re trying to set yourself up for the future, and I simply can’t sit around and allow this to happen. Although it’s not much, I want to help you in any way I can. If so, get back to me and we will exchange info and I’ll get it sent to you right away.
You remember when I said the people near me might take everything away?
THE DAY HAS COME.
FUUUUUUUUUUU-
Do I have to say how retarded it is to take a PC and a phone away from a person who first off, loves tech, second of all, gets all her university assignments and information THROUGH an email, third, wants to be a game developer?
Seems like even telling them that I am trying to get as much informed about gaming industry as a whole isn't a valid fucking reason for why I use tech as often as I do... I want to be a game dev, you fucking morons.
So... This began by them AGAIN drilling me about the university progress. I cannot even remember my goddamn schedule, for fuck's sake! How do you expect me to remember every damn grade, every damn exam date and every damn subject name? They also expect me to study 100% of the time I'm using the PC. WHO does that?
They start drilling. I try not answering. It drives them mad. They start exploding. I try all I can to calm the goddamn situation. It's not enough for them. NO, they HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING! I try all I can to survive the situation without a conflict. Too late. At a certain point my amazingly clever father says I'm definitely autistic for trying to answer in as little words as I can. Because they totally don't give me a reason to never want to talk at all in their presence...
They got mad enough to take the phone, the PC and my headphones away.
And now here I am, writing this on a university PC in Chrome of all :|
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