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You know what?

Young cocky React devs can suck my old fuckin LAMP and Objective-C balls.

Got a new freelance job and got brought in to triage a React Native iOS/Android app. Lead dev's first comment to me is: "Bro, have you ever used React Native".

To which I had to reply to save my honor publicly, "No, but I have like 8 years with Objective-C and 3 years with Swift, and 3 years with Node, so I maybe I'll still be able help. Sometimes it just helps to have a fresh set of eyes."

"Well, nobody but me can work on this code."

And that, as it turned out was almost true.

After going back and forth with our PM and this dev I finally get his code base.

"Just run "npm install" he says".

Like no fuckin shit junior... lets see if that will actually work.

Node 14... nope whole project dies.

Node 12 LTS... nope whole project dies.

Install all of react native globally because fuck it, try again... still dies.

Node 10 LTS... project installs but still won't run or build complaining about some conflict with React Native libraries and Cocoa pods.

Go back to my PM... "Um, this project won't work on any version of Node newer than about 5 years old... and even if it did it still won't build, and even if it would build it still runs like shit. And even if we fix all of that Apple might still tell us to fuck off because it's React Native.

Spend like a week in npm and node hell just trying to fucking hand install enough dependencies to unfuck this turds project.

All the while the original dev is still trying TO FIX HIS OWN FUCKING CODE while also being a cocky ass the entire time. Now, I can appreciate a cocky dev... I was horrendously cocky in my younger days and have only gotten marginally better with age. But if you're gonna be cocky, you also have to be good at it. And this guy was not.

Lo, we're not done. OG Dev comes down with "Corona Virus"... I put this in quotes because the dude ends up drawing out his "virus" for over 4 months before finally putting us in touch with "another dev team he sometimes uses".

Next, me and my PM get on a MS Teams call with this Indian house. No problems there, I've worked with the Indians before... but... these are guys are not good. They're talking about how they've already built the iOS build... but then I ask them what they did to sort out the ReactNative/Cocoa Pods conflict and they have no idea what I'm talking about.

Why?

Well, one of these suckers sends a link to some repo and I find out why. When he sends the link it exposes his email...

This Indian dude's emails was our-devs-name@gmail.com...

We'd been played.

Company sued the shit out of the OG dev and the Indian company he was selling off his work to.

I rewrote the app in Swift.

So, lets review... the React dev fucked up his own project so bad even he couldn't fix it... had to get a team of Indians to help who also couldn't fix it... was still a dickhead to me when I couldn't fix it... and in the end it was all so broken we had to just do a rewrite.

None of you get npm. None of you get React. None of you get that doing the web the way Mark Zucherberg does it just makes you a choad locked into that ecosystem. None of you can fix your own damn projects when one of the 6,000 dependency developers pushes breaking changes. None of you ever even bother with "npm audit fix" because if security was a concern you'd be using a server side language for fucking server side programming like a grown up.

So, next time a senior dev with 20 years exp. gets brought in to help triage a project that you yourself fucked up... Remember that the new thing you know and think makes you cool? It's not new and it's not cool. It's just JavaScript on the server so you script kiddies never have to learn anything but JavaScript... which makes you inarguably worse programmers.

And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... this shit ain't new and I've got a dozen of my own Node daemons running right now... difference is?

Mine are still working.

Comments
  • 14
  • 11
    Very well worth the read! <3
  • 3
    Whatever happened with the environment situation? How old of a nude version did you have to use?
  • 23
    Holy, fucking, shit....Now this ...is what I call a mfking RANT!

    *stands up, starts clapping

    I dig everything you said my man. I don't know why in the fucking hell if they have an experienced native dev they won't use his skills and then just go toss everything out the window for react.
  • 25
    #RantOfTheWeek ๐Ÿ†

    Nothing like finding incompetence smothered in cockyness - it makes the world entertaining and yet frustrating all at the same time.
  • 6
    @C0D4 it is so painful how common this is my friend
  • 5
    “But if you’re gonna be cocky, be good at it” is my new favorite phrase.

    On the other hand, hybrid app development is a pain in the ass doesn’t matter how you try to justify it.
  • 2
    Fucking bad ass rant
  • 6
    "And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... "

    Salute!
  • 3
    @kjing i say that to people when I was writing JScript server side with classic ASP before Node was a thing
  • 1
    @AleCx04 with this sir, I guess I'm one of those, not mf, who suck their mommies titties. LMAO
  • 2
    What he did is actually fraud, since he claimed it was his work. Hope he gets jail time.
  • 1
    Amen to that!

    *standing ovation*
  • 3
    I fucking HATE React Native, it sucks ass and most of the time it doesn’t know how to support native UI elements and has to create some of its own.

    That is why I am rewriting devRant in SwiftUI right now.

    :D
  • 9
    Please don’t generalize and don’t judge all react devs based on this one
  • 0
    ๐Ÿ‘
    I have now also 23 years of work experience ๐Ÿ˜„
  • 1
    Thank you, dude you made my day
  • 2
    Im not a frontend dev but this was fucking gold! ๐Ÿ™Œ
  • 3
    @OmerFlame devrant is not built on React tho, but a different framework called Titanium. Not that such thing makes it better :P
  • 1
    @AleCx04 I thought it was built on Native this entire time...

    Derp :P

    But yeah that is still not good. Nothing compares to native.
  • 2
    Get off my lawn! Darn kids
  • 5
    "I was literally writing in JS when you were sucking your mom's tits"
    That was the finisher for me. Pure gold. This rant gets an AlexDeLarge out of AlexDeSmall. Big pp and big brain.
    ใ€ŠStanding applause sfxใ€‹
  • 1
    Takk for nyttig informasjon som er verdt å lese!
  • 2
    People not doing non audit fix is a pet peeve of mine. Most devs don’t because they have imported buckets of useless dependencies that might break. Don’t use dependencies when you don’t need them and it wont be a pain to fix.
  • 1
    Nice rant. This is why micro clients are becoming a thing. Small, low dependent SPAs.
  • 5
    I maintain two of the top 10 most downloaded packages on npm (we're talking billions of downloads a year).

    Amen to all of this.
  • 5
    It’s good to see a real rant again.
    I’d almost forgotten what they were like
  • 4
    Posts like these are what make the dev rant a dev rant.
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