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Search - "im sick of this shit!"
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At the turn of September, my mental health went really down hill.
I have always had problems getting to sleep and feeling that I don’t get enough sleep. So having a day without sleep didn’t feel so strange to me. Usually after that I have had great sleep, the next night not so much, and so. It is often a cycle of good and bad days / nights that gets triggered by too much stress probably.
This time I didn’t get to sleep the next night neither and I started getting really stressed about everything. I had psychosis-like symptoms. I super duper over-reacted to every stimuli and my head wasn’t in a good place.
I posted here about watching news and trying not to overreact and stress too much.
https://devrant.com/rants/2243611/...
Then I posted almost a cry for help where explained the situation with politics and world news. I don’t get it either.
https://devrant.com/rants/2245488/...
So I freaked out for no reason, and I just stressed more about the attention I got from devRant. Then I had a feeling that I’m being followed and thought that someone broke to my apartment. I was paranoid.
I left my home to calm down elsewhere. My dad’s and mom’s house. Didn’t help, and I ended up in hospital. Not too dramatic though. Just resting and trying out new medication.
Now it's better. I have the new medication and I'm having some health studies done on me so it won't happen again.2 -
College is worse than cancer.
Worse than tumor.
Worse than any (un)imaginable death or torture.
I feel dull.
I feel DUMBED DOWN.
I FEEL DUMBER AFTER 6 YEARS OF COLLEGE COMPARED TO BEFORE STARTING COLLEGE.
6 fucking years of wrecking my healthy brain in college.
Has now became unhealthy and mentally unstable.
I forgot almost EVERYTHING i knew about coding.
Because in a "COMPUTER SCIENCE" college they teach everything BUT coding.
The professors and assistants have no morals.
They are INHUMANE.
Professors are ready to walk across a fucking corpse.
If your mother gets cancer and you are unable to come to class or study, the professors dont give a FUCK, they will drop you down so you have to study for exams again instead of helping your ill mother.
Professors have NO COMPASSION.
NO DIGNITY.
They are just BRAINLESS robots.
Sentients, agents working for the matrix.
They keep reading the same script every year and call that a successful career.
IF PROFESSORS AND ASSISTANTS AT COLLEGE ACTUALLY KNEW TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL IN LIFE, THEY WOULD NOT BE PROFESSORS AND ASSISTANTS FOR THE MAJORITY (OR WHOLE) OF THEIR LIFE.
I gave my maximum effort.
I SACRIFICED MY LIFE FOR SCHOOL.
Just to end up with school spitting on my face.
I feel DUMBED down.
Robotic.
Procedural minded.
As some brainless retard who has to follow orders as if im a 6 year old who doesn't know what to do.
Like a computer.
Because of college - i have no will to live.
Because of college - i no longer have passion for coding.
Because of college - i no longer know what is my purpose in life.
Because of college - i feel like im floating in cosmos, somewhere far deep into the space, without knowing where im going, what im doing, why im doing what im doing...
I feel void inside me.
I also feel vengeance inside me.
SCHOOL HAS RUINED MY LIFE.
It made me mentally insane.
It made me mentally so sick that i had to watch head decapitation gore videos to calm myself down, so i can imagine the victims being murdered are the professors and assistants from my college.
PROFESSORS AND ASSISTANTS HAVE 0 UNDERSTANDING FOR OTHER HUMAN LIFE.
MILLIONS of people have private problems going on in their lives every day.
What if someone cant pass an exam because of private problems that's going on in their life?
What if the student is abused by a family member?
What if the student has ANY non-self destructive negative event happening to them, which they're not at fault, and can not control?
What if the student got cancer and cant study for exams, is he supposed to fail?
What if the student came home and the police knocked on his door and said "sorry for your loss, your whole family just died in car accident" and student falls into depression and cant study for exams, is he supposed to fail???
There are infinite multitude of random events this damned universe can do to a human life.
BUT PROFESSORS AND ASSISTANTS;
DO
NOT
GIVE
A
FUCK.
I feel soulless.
I feel like i signed a contract with the devil when i started college by selling him my soul.
School (when i say school, i also mean college, because its the same fucking shit under a different name) is supposed to represent "education".
Lets talk about it.
What exactly are we being "EDUCATED" in school?
To memorize pdf slides?
Memorize textbook?
Memorize notes?
Memorize formulas?
Memorize memorize memorize???
First of all, all of what we're "studying" is BULLSHIT, second of all MEMORIZING all of this means you're gonna forget 60% of it tomorrow, 80% in the next 2 days and you'll forget 100% of what you "learned" by the 7th day.
SOCIETY TOLD YOU TO MEMORIZE USELESS BULLSHIT AND TOLD YOU THAT YOU'RE BEING EDUCATED THAT WAY. YOU MUST BE FUCKING DUMB TO BELIEVE THAT.
If memorizing == education, then i do NOT want to be a part of this "education".
BEFORE starting college i coded many projects.
I self-learned everything.
6 years of college and it taught me LESS THAN ZERO.
NOT EVEN ZERO.
LESS THAN ZERO because i got dumbed down, below the underground, and had to dig myself up on the surface.
I built software for an american real estate agency and sold it for 5 figures.
I built software for 3 people from New York for another 5 figures.
I even got offers to work in local software companies without having a degree.
At internship i was given a task to finish in 2 weeks. I finished it in 3 days. They were shocked and wanted to hire me for further work.
At another internship there was 4 of us working together as a team. At the end company contacted only ME and told me i showed the best results on their list out of ALL the teams and the team members that were with me.
Ever since i had to study for disgusting college i had to stop working.
Because of college, i have no source of income for MONTHS now.
Because of college, i had several mental breakdowns.
---
To all professors and assistants:
I pray that karma ruins your life with lethal outcome, and your kids die of cancer in pain.9 -
Aaagh...... 2022 this year has been shity for real..
So its now 1 year and I've been a fullstack developer for this mid tech company as the only developer
so I've been trying to get these guys to hire a second developer. and try to also upgrade equipment and these guys didnt even bother to attend to my requests and during my evaluation meeting on friday these guys where down my neck about why projects are taking time to complete i MEAN WTF!!!!! told them its bcoz Im a 1 man army and most of the times Im chocked with the "any other duty" thing and how tha fuck do they expect them projects to be done on time
I'm the only developer some times i get sick 2weeks and where i left off is were i continue from and thats 2 weeks work of progress down the drain
I'm so fucking pieced off ryt now I feel like droping this shity job and find a much better organization
they want me to build them a developer department and they dont even equip me with the necessary tools to do so WTF do they think they are doing they think they know better than me?
so let them build their fucking dev department without me
this has been a fucking stressful experiance
wrote them a later to hire a second developer
I dont fucking care how they are going to do it
contracting or an internal dev if they dont in the next 3 months I fucking leaving this shit7 -
Tl;Dr Im the one of the few in my area that sees sftping as the prod service account shouldn't be a deployment process. And the ONLY ONE THAT CARES THAT THIS IS GONNA BREAK A BUNCH OF SHIT AT SOME POINT.
The non tl;dr:
For a whole year I've been trying to convince my area that sshing as the production service account is not the proper way to deploy and/or develop batch code. My area (my team and 3 sister teams) have no concept of using version control for our various Unix components (shell scripts and configuration files) that our CRITICAL for our teams ongoing success. Most develop in a "prodqa like" system and the remainder straight in production. Those that develop straight in prodqa have no "test" deployment so when they ssh files straight to actual production. Our area has no concept of continuous integration and automated build checking. There is no "test cases", no "systems testing" or "regression testing". No gate checks for changing production are enforced. There is a standing "approved" deployment process by the enterprise (my company is Whyyyyyyyyyy bigger than my area ) but no one uses it. In fact idk anyone in my area who knows HOW to deploy using the official deployment method. Yes, there is privileged access management on the service account. Yes the managers gets notified everytime someone accesses the privileged production account. The managers don't see fixing this as a priority. In fact I think I've only talk to ONE other person in my area who truly understands how terrible it is that we have full production change access on a daily basis. Ive brought this up so many times and so many times nothing has been done and I've tried to get it changed yet nothing has happened and I'm just SO FUCKING SICK that no one sees how big of a deal this. I mean, overall I live the area I work in, I love the people, yet this one glaring deficiency causes me so much fucking stress cause it's so fucking simple to fix.
We even have an newer enterprise deployment. Method leveraging a product called "urban code deploy" (ucd) to deploy a git repository. JUST FUCKING GIT WITH THE PROGRAM!!!!..... IT WAS RELEASED FUCKING 12 YEARS AGO......
Please..... Please..... I just want my otherwise normally awesome team to understand the importance and benefits of version control and approved/revertable deployments2 -
!Dev
So the winter break is over and im supposed to be in my uni but no! It is flu time!
Since a human is a machine, and we have certain tools to fix it when it misbehaves lets try to debug that problem! I will tell you a story how
it ended.
*4 days ago*
Both of my parents return from a trip, dad is horribly sick (windpipe infection) so i isolate myself in my room, put on a mask when i have to be near him and wash my hands 3 times i leave my room.
Nope that didnt fucking work, the next day i get flu symptoms(high temp, fatigue, musle and joint pain)
Nothing too bad i can live with it, so i took paracetamol and called it a day.
But im still pissed at my dad for being a fucking idiot and walking everywhere in the house coughing everywhere...
The next day (yesterday)
Took paracetamol again but this time i got a stuffed and runny nose... So i take nasal decongestants, and... they dont work at all...
Today
I wake up with stuffy and cloged nose again. Aparently those nasal drugs i have been taking only make your nose less runny by drying it up, making it 10000x more difficult to unclog your nose...
like wtf? So if you have a runny and stuffed nose you have to choose which one is better?! Nah i take nasal drugs again and clean my nose with saline water, so far so good!
Also paracetamol started working weaker and weaker... What the hell is wrong with me? Im trying to solve 1 problem and my body finds another one! Curing a human is like coding a app, it will go to shit sooner or later.12 -
Nextjs is for script kiddies. This is such a fucking CHILDISH framework. The way you write queries is such fuzzy wuzzy BULLSHIT that u cant even write raw sql. Coming from hardcore java spring boot backend of 5 soon 6 years of experience i cannot believe how bullshit it is. Ill stick with java. I need to be oldschool. Im sick of this shit with constsnt new bullshit popping up sugar coated kiddie shit13
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Thread topic: religion, philosophy, matrix
Summary: skip if you don't like these topics, stay if you want to find out why the conclusion has relevance to programming
.
.
.
Ok.
Let me get this straight:
There are 4 founders of the BAYC NFTs.
1 has a fasist/nazi pseudo name
1 has a racist pseudo name
1 has a satanic pseudo name
1 has a pedophile pseudo name
Their logo is a copy of Nazi Waffen Totenkopf emblem, which was the German division force of the Nazi concentration camps
And they became billionaires.
Ok
.
.
.
Sam bankman the founder of FTX crypto shit robbed people for 32 BILLION dollars. And hes not in jail because he donated most of that money to democratic political party, leaving himself 1 billion dollars as allowance. Now that he bought political power, politicians protect him. So he's having fun in the bahamas and penthauses, having generational wealth and enriching his fraud parents.
Ok
.
.
.
Balenciaga. They posted photos of female children holding fluffy toys with BDSM sexual bondage. Books on the table, with excerpt of Michael Borremans, who draws "art" of naked children covered in blood and being sacrificed in rituals. Then a book of "The Cremaster Cycle", which is a demented image that symbolizes "the murder and resurrection of Abiff". Hiram Abiff was the central character during Masonic initiation rituals as the culmination of a three-part process. Etc
Balenciaga is a multi million dollar "brand".
Ok.
.
.
.
What i learned through all my years of existing on this planet is, being good and doing good, does not pay off. I still live in the matrix. I am still a slave. I am still playing the game of earn to survive. Even while doing software engineering. And I don't know 1 single wealthy person who has obtained all that wealth by doing something good.
This has further lead me to realization: God doesn't help you get rich or wealthy. God doesn't give a fuck if you're rich or poor. He aint gonna help you. But do you know who will? That's right - evil forces will help you get wealthy. Funny how that works?
Because I am christian and believe in God, pray to God and did good all my life - I haven't received anything good in return, my life has not improved, in fact it has devolved and became worse.
Therefore, I came to a conclusion: I will switch teams. I'll let the evil demonic forces take over and guide me to wealth. I'm ready to scam, defraud, develop ponzis and step on corpses and people to get out of the matrix. Perhaps this is how and why good people turn into villains?
Now you understand.
I dont ask to be on the top. I just want to Not play the Matrix game. Which is the game where you have to earn to survive. I want to get into any store and buy whatever i want, without worrying how much does it cost or asking for a discount. People dumber than me do it. But i cant? That means there has to be a loophole in the matrix. An escape plan is possible. I tried escaping since 2018 and failed. For 4, almost 5 years. Because i was trying to escape through good forces. I'll now try to escape using demonic forces and perhaps I'll end up like BAYC founders, FTX founder, Balenciaga brand and many others similar to them. Ending up even half of their success or a fraction - I'll be more than happy. I am not happy living in poverty. Im getting sick of it. I'm getting sick to be underpaid $600/month for doing a job as hard as software engineering, even with a CS degree. Life is not meant to be slaved away till 65+ years old. I can't even afford to buy a car with this slave salary.
So forgive me God. Im just tired of life. Im tired of being a slave. Im tired of watching my parents become older, weaker and still working. I'll shut down all of my morals and I am ready to rob people in Web3 using all of my programming knowledge that has been undervalued.
"A little boy asked God for a new bike for his birthday, but he knows God doesn't work that way. So he stole a bike and prayed to God for forgiveness"21 -
+ this post if you believe web developers shouldn’t touch fucking SEO, im sick of this shit still after 12 yrs…wtffff, am i wrong ?????? Please help14