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Search - "lame but true"
Everything but UI/UX
Because I suck at it, lame but true, I love every kind of code, from MEAN and LAMPP to assembly, but when it comes to UI I just lack of the imagination and creativity to design something that looks averagely good.6
This remote work is really saving me a lot of money and makes me even more conscious about my spending.
I miss the time when I didn't work for several months minus the days I'm glued to the sofa getting double penetrated by anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. I would just wake up, write something, publish an article, work on my personal projects and portfolio, play video games, learn something new, do some citizen science bullshit, and all that. Not all in the same day, of course.
The only thing that kept me from enjoying those simple days is the knowledge that my money will run out in a few months and that I have to get a job soon. Knowing that I have no family to help me if I fuck up makes me feel more responsible than it makes me sad. It puts me into that survival mode (corny, the cringe). The fact that this project is stressing me out just adds more fuel to that.
Now I'm learning a bunch of new tools and working on personal projects that I used to think were all lame. Plus, I met another developer on Bumble. No, I did not fuck him or even attempted to. We talked about development and found other common hobbies - snorkeling and scuba diving. We talked about freelance and how freelancing websites aren't so helpful, being saturated with people from poor countries who offer cheap labor. You can argue about the quality but that's a different topic.
Then he mentioned a Couchsurfing event he attended with other divers and how he thinks the best way to snag decent clients is through relationships. I remember the times I was in the beach and some business man would have a "bright new idea" when I mention I'm a developer. Of course, we all know the all too common stories about such bright ideas but in a way, that developer from Bumble makes sense.
When I was in College, I was referred by my professor to a pretty big client in the transportation industry. We talked, they were legit, but I was too lazy and had low self-esteem back then.
When I took my phone to the repair shop, this woman came up to the technician and asked if he "makes bots". Of course, the snobby little shit that I am did not bother.
When I was still with my ex, he had a laundromat client with several branches in the country. The developers he worked with were amateurs, like "username and password is in the script" level. I could have nuked the whole thing for fun but thankfully, I didn't care enough to do such damage. And yet they managed to get this project through connection.
Last month, I met a dive master who moved from the city to that small town island paradise. She mentioned how much the house and lot costs and it's 1/4 the price of my tiny condo. Just gonna get me a few milking cows, my own products, and I'll be fucking off to the deep sea. Maybe code a few hours a day or some days, start an aquaponics farm, finally continue learning electronics, and go fishing for food like a true nigga.4
I am a good person. I can even say I am a good programmer. I have worked hard to get where I am and that shows perseverance. Although, where I am right now is not what I expected, I am somewhere. I can do something. I have good intentions.
Someday, I will build software which will be used by millions of people around the interwebs. And they will love me, for I will have made their lives better....in some way. Some will even consider paying me for it. Not because the well placed and non intrusive donate button I put there, but out of pure adoration and bare necessity to preserve someone as brilliant and precious as me. I shall be the definition of success. But I long for neither adoration nor wealth, for I am humble or at least that is how I will be perceived.
Like flies to the honey my success will attract big evil corporations to acquire my business. And I shall spit on their wretched face....at first. I would like to be wooed. Such display of integrity shall inspire generations of programmers. Let ye be inspired. There will be those who envy my achievements and they will be mocked and shunned by my true believers. But being the kind soul that I am, I will bring back my minions, for it could a PR nightmare.
All these events will take place in a not too distant future. Sure, I am going through a dark time now, it will pass. 'tis nothing but me transitioning from a lame ass PHP coder moth to this totally badass software engineer who is also a cool bro. This eclipse of my brain shall pass. My neurons will fire in all directions like photons from the sun during late winter, for it may overheat and we definitely don't want that.
I pray to the gods of engineering to grant my wishes. Trust me guys, you will be thanking yourselves when donate my money to charities that will help me set up. But that's another scheme. Amen.4
For some reason I find reading tech books a repelling activity. I'd rather spend longer hours googling SO issues, GH/GL tickets, reading blogs than reading a well recommended book on the topic.
But then again.. What is the difference between a series of blog posts and a book...? Not much of it. At least I cannot come up with how blog posts would be superior to a structured and many times reviewed book :) Many posts are lame or just skim through the topic. The same holds true with books too. So maybe it's worth getting that 200pages thin book instead..2