Man, we have a snake in our company.

This snake is responsible for terrible code. They oversee a offshore team, but hold them to no coding practices. They don't do code reviews or checks. They let them be lazy and get away with sloppy work every time.

And if you critize their team - they will defend them and get angry at you. You can't adress the problem because said snake is always around. He's in a senior position for giving our company cheap workers, doing years of damage to our product while the non-code savvy managers remain blissfully unaware of their product being ruined in the background.

This snake is the senior product office. He has a share in the company now. He is from the overshore team's country. That team now has their claws so dug into our companies roots and are just pumping lsd's into it constantly. Feels good untill you die from an overdose.

Here I am, the new junior software developer, trying to tear out the claws that have sunk into these roots. Im up against the snake. The snake hates me. I hate the snake. I am trying to open the eyes of the managers. They hate that. They want to silence me so I don't expose the awful, unprofessional level of work they do.

Well, that's too bad. I won't back down from this, snake.

A conversation between an offshore developer and his manager at a fortune 500:

I'm a software developer and the company I work for is a vendor for $manager's and $offshore_dev's company. They provide endless hours of entertainment/terror. Recently, we've been trying to convince them that they need to stop sending sensitive information plaintext over HTTP and set up TLS/HTTPS which has led to tons of fun conversations such as this one they had during a conference call:

* $manager: "Did $offshore_dev implement TLS1.2?"
* $offshore_dev: "Yes, we enabled a parameter in the code to enable TLS1.2 in the code but according to $me's email, this requires HTTPS in order to work."
* $manager: "No this works, we're using TLS in $other_application right now."
* $offshore_dev: "Well, $manager, it's implemented but it currently doesn't encrypt anything as such."
* $manager: "Okay, HTTPS is in the roadmap in the next quarter, we can move forward without this for now."

Weeks ago, a change went into production. For some reason, we can't implement our own changes or create new databases in production, we have to have a whole different department do it. This would be great except for one thing:

THEY CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES. I've had to tell them how to run scripts I wrote. I've had to tell them how to fix problems that arise.

Back to that script ran three weeks ago or so. It didn't add permissions to allow me, the system and application developer to see the stored procedure, much less run it. Application can't run it. Thankfully the application works without it.

Fast forward to tonight. My change that I'm attempting to implement is the creation of the stored procedure, because nothing could see it, I assumed it didn't exist... reasonable, right? Database folks tells me it exists. They then tell me they can't give me nor the application permissions because it doesn't ask for it in the change plan.

Excuse me.... WHAT FUCKING WORLD DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO CREATE SOMETHING AND HIDE IT FROM THE CREATOR LET ALONE THE APPLICATION SO IT CAN'T USE IT?! FUCKING THINK. WHY WOULD I WASTE MY FUCKING TIME TO TALK TO YOU OFFSHORE PIECES OF SHIT AT 10PM WHEN I'D RATHER PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

I'm so fucking done with enterprises. Someone with reasonable job security at a startup, please hire me. You will probably pay me more fucking money than this company does anyway.

Now on to my second change of the night. Thankfully I don't have to rely on anyone outside of me... so I won't be wasting my fucking time.

2 years back when I was onshore, we were in the bad situation due to the size and complexity of handling big webserivces simulators. A single change makes the build red hence the face of other developers too.

These simulators were created using J2EE and VM templates 5 years back. With the time, application and data size grown. We were supposed to maintain consistensy in dummy data accross the applications. But some programmers made a copy of these simulators to finish their applications fast and made the situation worst.

Finally one of the team member dare to use stubby4j to solve this problem. Choosing the stubby4j was a good decision as it was the specialized tool written to create simulators only. But as the stubby4j was not having all the features a simulator need, he customized it's build for our simulators. All the team members were happy.

After few weeks, I picked a story to transform other simulators using stubby4j. The story was previously closed as it was hard to implement in stubby4j. I ingonred the comment and started working on. I spent 2 weeks but couldn't solve the problem. I read the comment in between but It was very late to take the step back. I was not able to give proper status update in the daily standup. Other team members (working from offshore) were thinking that I'm just passing the time. However my manager handled the situation very well and asked if I need some help.

This was friday, I took the leave as it was my wife's birthday. We couldn't go out due to the bad weather. I was thinking about the code all the time. Hence I started to write a new utility to handle all the requirement a webseervice simulator need. I took 2.5 days to complete it. On Tuesday, I demoed it to the whole team. And published it as an opensource application "STUBMATIC". In few weeks I received the good response from other teams as well.

I'm a full time open source developer now.

When you have to write super detailed description so the offshore developer doesn't screw up the task...but better yet when the outcome is 👌🏽

Once again I see offshore "developer" copy paste entire code base to separate folder, work on it there and then copy paste it back. Use a git branch goddammit. Is there something I'm not aware, is source control banned outside EU and US?

- "Two months" training upon hire, with all the other hires too.
- Entire thing takes place in a hotel's larger room meant for small conventions or whatever.
- Brought on as Java developers, told there was Java work for all of us
- By the end of it, there wasn't
- Sit at our company's office for a month doing nothing, waiting for work
- It's summer time, 90F+ heat, and the A/C not only wasn't on most of the time, when it was on it was actually heating the building instead of cooling
- Get on a project, join the client site, takes at least a week to get a laptop, takes a month to get most of the needed accesses
- Was brought on because they needed a SQL Developer, I do not know more than basic syntax which I told them
- Project is 3 months behind already
- Really no development since Offshore handles it (poorly)
- For the first year+ of my time here I am doing nothing but manual quality assurance testing, and no development

It's hard to leave when you aren't learning

Offshore developer announced today he is off for a month, has ruined my sprint planning. He is the most competent developer I’ve had from that team.

Now shooting myself in the foot so we can still get him back and don’t get stuck with a replacement.