friend of mine: "I like my servers like I like my girls"
me: "insecure?"

Hi! After getting generally good responses to my videos, i decided to give something back to the community and make this video that briefly explains basically everything you need to get started as a programmer. If you or any friend or relative wanted to get into the field, send them this video.

https://youtube.com/watch/...

Am I the only here who get so much PUSSY when encountering bugs in code?
P - panic attacks
U - uncontrollable anxiety
S - suicidal fantasies
S - sadness
Y - yearning to death

Following on from: https://devrant.com/rants/1345037/...

I sent a polite but very frank email to the manager telling him I don't agree and think its extremely unfair to overlook the breath and scale of work we have done in the past few months. Instead to criticise us for this.

He didn't reply, or really speak to us for a week. Then suddenly one day the developers were all in a meeting room and he butted in to talk.

He first of all said he wanted to let things settle before talking to us, which gave me high hopes as I expected him to then say something like we miss understood, or he didn't realise etc.

... but no ... the next words out of his mouth were "I'm not apologising for anything, and I don't want to be told to piss off in an email".

A) Piss off = completely untrue and a massive exaggeration.
B) Go fuck yourself with a cactus.
C) See point B.

In that meeting we discussed the massive amount of meetings and work we have to do which was described as "just the job".

We were told we all have to be in until 5pm, but that we also don't. We need to be in the office more, but its fine if we can't be. And we need to cut down on WFH, but its ok to WFH ... so yeah everything is crystal clear.

I haven't written any code in 3 - 4 weeks. I'm now dealing with GDPR shit, and our internal processes to handle it (despite having no legal background). Have to fill out 140+ question surveys about each of our projects, which are the most vaguest things i've ever seen.

"Are you processing large scale data" - The fuck is large scale, oh wait heres a definition. "Large scale is determine by volume or percentage of population size" - How in the name of christ is that a definition? Fucking lawyers and their bullshit.

The next round of applications for research funding is coming around soon and were being told to work on proposals (which are huge and a lot of effort). While being told we need to define and improve on our KPI's for the year. While trying to find time to ... you know ... do ... work?

I'm just so fucking bored and pissed off with this place. I have to do the work of 6 people, nothing is ever good enough, devs have to do very non-dev tasks with little to no support. Bosses are just annoyed about everything, everyones in a bad mood and everything sucks.

A friend put me forward for another senior role in another company. Thought this would be my saving grace. They have a strict interview process with white-boarding (which I hate) and will likely ask about algorithms etc which I suck at. I'm so burnt out from this place I just can't find the motivation to go study up or prepare properly.

I just wanna write code, why is there so much bullshit in life

(Best read while listening to AEnima by Tool, loudly)

Dear Current Workplace,

Fuck you, for the reasons enumerated below.

Fuck your enterprise grey blue offices, the stifling warm air of a hundreds of bodies and sub par "development laptops".

Fuck your shitty carbonated water machines which were a cost saving measure over decent drinkable water.

Fuck your fake "flexi time", "you can do home office whenever you want" bullshit. You're still inviting me to mandatory meetings at 09:00 regularly.

Fuck your shitty, in house, third part IT provider sister company. They're the worst of all worlds. If it was in company, we'd get to give out to them, if it was an external company we'd fire them. And yes, when I quit I will quote the dumpster fire that is our corporate VPN as a major factor.

Fuck your cheery, bland, enterprise communication. Words coming under the corporate letterhead seem to lose all association with meaning. Agile, communication, open are things you write and profess to respect, but it seems your totally lack understanding of their meaning.

Fuck your client driven development. Sometime you actually have to fix the foundations before you can actually add new features. And fuck you management who keep on asking "why are there so many bugs and why is it always taking longer to deliver new releases". Because of you, you fucknuts, Because you can't say "NO" to the customer. Because you never listen to your own experienced developers.

Fuck your bullshit "code quality is important to us" line. If it's so important, then let us fix the heap of shit you're selling so that it works like a quasi functional program.

Fuck you development environment which has 250 projects in a single VS solution. Which takes 5mins plus to compile on a quad core i7 with 32 gb of ram.

Fuck this bullshit ball of mud "architecture". I spend most of my time trying to figure out where the logic should go and the rest of the time writing converters between different components. All because 7 years ago some idiot "architect" made a decision that they didn't have to live with.

Actually, fuck that guy in particular. Yeah, that guy who was the responsible architect for the project for 4 years and not once opened the solution to look a the code.

Fuck the manual testing of every business process. Manual setup of the entities takes 10mins plus and then when you run, boom either no message or some bullshit error code.

Fuck the antiquated technology choices which cause loads of bugs and slow down development. Fuck you for forcing me to do manual tests of another developers code at 20:00 on a Friday night because we can't get our act together to do this automatically.

Fuck you for making sure it's very clear I'm never going to be anything but a code monkey in this structure. Managers are brought in from outside.

Fuck you for being surprised that it's hard to hire competent developers in this second rate, overpriced town. It's hard to hire anywhere but this bland shithole would have anyone with half a clue running away at top speed.

Fuck you for valuing long hours and loyalty over actual performance. That one guy who everyone hated and was totally incompetent couldn't even get himself fired. He had to quit.

Fuck you for your mediocrity.

Fuck you for being the only employer for my skill-set in the region; paying just well enough that changing jobs locally doesn't make sense, but badly enough that it's difficult to move.

Fuck you for being the stable "safe" option so that any move is "risky".

Fuck your mediocrity.

Fuck you for being something I think about when I'm not at work. Not only is it shit from 9 to 5 you manage to suck the joy out of everything else in my life as well?

Fuck you for making me feel like a worse developer every day I work here. Fuck you for making every day feel like a personal and professional failure. Fuck you for making me seriously leave a career I love for something, anything else.

Fuck you for making the most I can hope for when I get up in the morning is to just make it until the night.

Spent the last 15 days deep into Golang and suddenly I stumbled upon Buffalo (https://github.com/gobuffalo)

Damn, it is fucking awesome.

Just wanted to share it.

In your opinion what is the best programming rant to ever grace the internet?

My submission === programming sucks:
http://stilldinking.org/programming...

(small) excerpt: "You discover that one day, some idiot decided that since another idiot decided that 1/0 should equal infinity, they could just use that as a shorthand for “Infinity” when simplifying their code. Then a non-idiot rightly decided that this was idiotic, which is what the original idiot should have decided, but since he didn’t, the non-idiot decided to be a dick and make this a failing error in his new compiler. Then he decided he wasn’t going to tell anyone that this was an error, because he’s a dick, and now all your snowflakes are urine and you can’t even find the cat."

You know who sucks at developing APIs?

Facebook.

I mean, how are so high paid guys with so great ideas manage to come up with apis THAT shitty?

Let's have a look. They took MVC and invented flux. It was so complicated that there were so many overhyped articles that stated "Flux is just X", "Flux is just Y", and exactly when Redux comes to the stage, flux is forgotten. Nobody uses it anymore.

They took declarative cursors and created Relay, but again, Apollo GraphQL comes and relay just goes away. When i tried just to get started with relay, it seemed so complicated that i just closed the tab. I mean, i get the idea, it's simple yet brilliant, but the api...

Immutable.js. Shitload of fuck. Explain WHY should i mess with shit like getIn(path: Iterable<string | number>): any and class List<T> { push(value: T): this }? Clojurescript offers Om, the React wrapper that works about three times faster! How is it even possible? Clojure's immutable data structures! They're even opensourced as standalone library, Mori js, and api is great! Just use it! Why reinvent the wheel?

It seems like when i just need to develop a simple react app, i should configure webpack (huge fuckload of work by itself) to get hot reload, modern es and jsx to work, then add redux, redux-saga, redux-thunk, react-redux and immutable.js, and if i just want my simple component to communicate with state, i need to define a component, a container, fucking mapStateToProps and mapDispatchToProps, and that's all just for "hello world" to pop out. And make sure you didn't forget to type that this.handler = this.handler.bind(this) for every handler function. Or use ev closure fucked up hack that requires just a bit more webpack tweaks. We haven't even started to communicate to the server! Fuck!

I bet there is savage ass overengineer sitting there at facebook, and he of course knows everything about how good api should look, and he also has huge ass ego and he just allowed to ban everything that he doesn't like. And he just bans everything with good simple api because it "isn't flexible enough".

"React is heavier than preact because we offer isomorphic multiple rendering targets", oh, how hard want i to slap your face, you fuckface. You know what i offered your mom and she agreed?

They even created create-react-app, but state management is still up to you. And react-boierplate is just too complicated.

When i need web app, i type "lein new re-frame", then "lein dev", and boom, live reload server started. No config. Every action is just (dispatch) away, works from any component. State subscription? (subscribe). Isolated side-effects? (reg-fx). Organize files as you want. File size? Around 30k, maybe 60 if you use some clojure libs.

If you don't care about massive market support, just use hyperapp. It's way simpler.

Dear developers, PLEASE, don't forget about api. Take it serious, it's very important. You may even design api first, and only then implement the actual logic. That's even better.

And facebook, sincerelly,

Fuck you.

Dear Panicked Managers,

We are behind. We all know we are behind, and I would love to spend 10 hours fixing our shit.

Instead, your shit riddled brains decided that WAY too many demos, with practice demos, are the correct move! We are wasting 8 hours a week, per person working on them! That means we lose a day of development, but you are not moving deadlines and still complaining about the amount of throughput!

In those 8 hours a week, we could all build the new features, and you could throw an orgy, do lots of cocaine, beat hookers to death, do whatever CEOs do! Instead, you call us to all gather around and listen to you bitch that shit isn't getting done...

Sincerely,
Pissed Off

Copy and paste everywhere is not an acceptable software development methodology. It's a sign that something's very wrong.