AboutHobbyist web dev-like creature, who still has to figure out what he wants from life. Completely self-taught.
Joined devRant on 6/10/2016
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I've tried multithreading with php, wrote a simple script which checks a series of ip addresses and tries to ftp into them.
I've noticed that the script is running very slow, i checked everything, tested the db, tested my code, i've started to doubt, that my compilation of php was fucked up (btw i did that for the first time).
Then i've started to mesure the time of each db request, but the numbers didn't add up. Then it fucking hit me...
I fucking set the timeout for ftp_connect to 5 seconds, and that was causing the slowdown. I wasted two fucking coding sessions on finding that out.
What a fucking blind moron can I be, holy shit.4
I feel like a fucking god now!
We run a webshop and we are in contract with the national post office. Every time there is an update to their program I fear ahead of time what will be fucked up again.
After today's update we weren't able to open any shippment list we just saw a mile long error message. After the customer care couldn't figure out the problem, and the suggested solution might take up to 2days, and it is basically only a new customer file, i fired up my good old sqlite viewer friend, to chek if I am lucky...
Guess what! That shit is using unsecured sqlite dbs, so i've had no problem examining and even rewriting the values. So checking the logs and scraping the DB I've found the problem.
Apparently some asshole thought that deleting a service but keeping all of its references in other tables scattered around is a good fucking idea. And take it customer care, the new customer file won't fix shit, because it was in the global DB. I swear i am getting more familiar with that piece of garbage then the ones who made it.
On top of that the customer care told us, that if we couldn't manage to send the shippment list with the program we are not elligible for our contractual prices.
It is not enough that I had to fix their fucking shit program, they also "would like to charge us" because their pogram isn't working. What a fucking great service. (At least the lady on the telephone was friendly)1
Working with a delivery ordering API. Response:
Shipping label type: PDF
Label: base64encoded string
I was like, that's easy, literally two lines of code. Proceeds to convert and save the file. Then on open, bam! Format ubreadable. What the actual fuck?! Found an online converter, and tried to convert it to pdf, to see if I was missing something, but the results was the same.
Then checked the decoded string. First 3 characters: GIF
Well fuck you too! This carrier uses GIF's for it's shipping labels for 2years at least, how hard is it to change that in your fucking api response, you pice of shitbag.2
Finally made good use of my RPi and setup pi-hole on it. After a painful 4hour long dist-upgrade and picking the right filters it is working like a charm. Why didn't I make this work earlier.
I've also wrote a little script which queries the api and displays different info on the AMOLED screen that was lying around unused for some time.
In case you are interested (from left to right and bottom), the traffic in the last 10 minutes with the max value on a graph, the most active clients query and blocked ratio as lines relative to the top one, and an overview of the total queries/ blocked queries and total clients.
At least I've finally spent a weekend useful not just playing games and watching anime.5
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I present you the API I'm working with...
That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.22
Now I have enough of this shit I fucking go grab a chainsaw and cut you into the tiniest pieces possible then pour gasoline on your fucking servers and lit them on fire. How the fuck should I remain calm if there is at least two fucking email I can't send because your fucking piece of shit server gets blacklisted EVERY FUCKING WEEK.
Oh how cool you made ipv6 available to shared plans so outlook servers won't blacklist mails. But guess what, it STILL DOESN'T WORK!!! Not to mention that you automatically modify my existing SPF record and set the shared storage ipv6 address to the main domain which should be pointing to the vps (still working though but have no idea why). I am so fucking fed up with people for today, and it's only just morning.
Not entirely dev related, but fuck this shit. My thesis' deadline is next week and I still have a lot to write. And today my instructor found a mistake in my geometry. (I am making CFD simulations with Ansys btw).
My poor computer worked for 3 days non stop at maximum load. And now that it finished it can start once again from the start. That poor bastard... One case takes almost 16 hours to calculate and I have eight from them.
We have a beats with 16cores and 128GB RAM in the office, but it's pretty much almost occupied, and its only 2 times faster than mine at home. (This calculation only eats CPU not RAM)
All I can hope for is, that I would be able to setup a working distributed parallel interface so I can utilise my fathers PC as well so that I will have 16 cores to run my calculations.2
Argh fuck you Microsoft for blocking my precious mail server. I can't believe that you were the only one. Even google accepts my mails with every fucking test passed...
Oh and not to mention that in the no delivery report you are referring an error code which is not present on the linked troubleshoot page. Thank you once more, you piece of shit.
Should have listened to the articles about why I don't want an own mail server...18
Okay. I understand that responsive emails are hard. But that's just nonsense... -.-'
Though I think it's my mail client's fault, bit still.6
Bought my first VPS, because the shared plan we are using is shit.
Spent just half an hour trying to log in, because upon registration they encouraged a strong password with simbols and everything.
But in reality a root password can only contain letters, numbers, underscore and minus sign... The fuck is wrong with you? Reducing the entropy is one thing, but really fucking up the most essential part of a VPN setup?7
Fucking hell my insights are late ones...
So I am working with fluid dynamics simulation. I went home fired up the laptop and started the calculations. This is how the events went:
9 PM: starting the calculation
10 PM: checking on the graphs to see whether everything will be alright if I leave it running. Then went to sleep.
2 AM: Waking up in shock, that I forgot to turn on autosave after every time step. Then reassured myself that this is only a test and I won't need the previous results anyway.
5 AM: waking up, everything seems to be fine. I pause the calculation hibernate the laptop and went to work.
6:40 AM on my way to the front door a stray thought struck into my mind... What if it lost contact with the licence server, while entering hibernated state. Bah never mind... It will establish a new connection when I switch it back on.
6.45 AM Switching on the laptop. Two error messages greet me.
1. Lost contact with license server.
2. Abnormal exit.
Looking on the tray the paused simulation is gone. Since I didn't enabled autosave, I have to start it all over again. Well. Lesson learned I guess. Too bad it cost 8 hours of CPU time.2
Argh... Fuck you with a rusty pole while monkeys hanging on them. Why the fuck did you not take the extra five minutes that would have been taken to restrict that fucking datepicker to not allow users to pick a date before the current day??
Thanks to you asshole I've managed to book my accommodation from February 2nd to 4th instead of March.
Now I don't have anywhere to sleep while I must go there for the weekend because I have some course to attend to.
Not exactly a story since I was too young to remember, but my parents told me that I was really enjoyed playing with the games my father made for the good old commodore 64 we had.
He basically had two 5" floppy holders full of his own games and programs he used to make. Unfortunately we only have the disks now. :(
The first memory of me using the computer though, is when my father bought a computer for his office (was win 95 with the "you are now safe to switch off your computer" message) and I was sneaking in to play with paint because it was so cool back then.
I've reached a point where instead of adding one new hotfix to the site again, I rather rewrite it from scratch so I won't feel so dirty hacking in all the new features that come up.
This way I can also bury my previous bad decisions.2
For fuck sake I hate this day already and its only 10am. I had to go to an exam. I live 200km away from my uni (only have a few classes, so collage is not worth it). I woke up at 4.30 to arrive in time. My car was wrecked 2 weeks ago so I've asked for my mother's car and guess what?... That fucker died on the road. Had to call my dad at 5.50 AM.
I've managed to arrive 7.58 at the classroom, and that retarded dimwit dared to tell me that next time I should hurry (exam started at 8), because they'd already started.
During the exam while I was literally sweating blood that same asshole comes to me that his pocket device detected data traffic coming from where I sit and whether I have a device switched on. It was me though, a devRant notification to be precise. Luckily he just asked me to switch it of, but that 2 minutes of fuckery could cost my pass grade.
Now I am heading back for the broken car to be towed back home. What a wonder-fucking-ful day I have today. And it is still a question, whether I will be able to go to work tomorrow or not.
Some little piece of shit fairy messed with my code.
Made some modifications in a tamplate file, tested in dev everything worked. Pushed it to prod and in one of its cases it displayed the array key of each element. Checked the code, an that was what written in there in prod and in dev too. However that shit in dev (and previous versions in prod) displayed key->name as intended.
So I thought git blame and check where it went wrong... Guess what... That fucking line is the same age as the file itself....
How that motherfucking shit worked, and what had I had in mind when writing that shitcode is a mistery...
The moment when they recommend you WordPress over Laravel just because it has better SEO.
Bitch, I write my own SEO. I'm not only on the first page I am the top result. Bet you didn't expect that.1
Customer service my ass. I wouldn't even call it service. All you could do is check if it's working now. Of course it's working... I've just told you it's fucking working 2 minutes then inaccessible for fucking 10.
And when I tell you that your service had began to loose quality in the past few months you just sit there in FUCKING SILENCE. MOTHERFUCKER JUST TELL ME THAT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT... OR SORRY... OR GO FUCK YOURSELF, NOT MY JOB... I DON'T FUCKING CARE JUST DON'T SIT THERE IN SILENCE UNTIL I HAVE ENOUGH AND HANG UP... I WASN'T EVEN SHOUTED TO HIM. I was disappointed but not angry... Not until you decided to just ignore me, fucktard...
Needless to say just when I hung up it stopped working again. -.-4
So apparently, when you wipe the empty space on your hard drive under windows it fucking deletes the grub from that disk as well.
Thank you CCleaner you can go fuck yourself!7
Excuse me, but what the actual FUCK? My eyes are burning. I don't even want to imagine how the CSS looks...4
For God's sake why can't you just keep consistency across your fucking files? I have to parse 3 different XML files from the same source where I have "ZipCode", "zipCode" and "Code" for the same thing.
Not to mention that the file that contains all the streets in the country have literally one street node for every motherfucking street. Not one city parent and multiple street children that would make sense and would be faster to parse, but clearly that wasn't your intention you retarded cunt.2
I've known that users are stupid and should keep that in mind when designing a website. But holy shit that's ridiculous!!!
He said that "when something is not on the middle of the screen flashing then we are not seeing it!"
How the fuck would it look like if I will place the fucking menubar on the middle of the screen with flashing red and blue colors for you dumbass to see?? If you are that incompetent to look on the top (not to mention it's fixed) of the layout where 99% of main menus are placed then you shouldn't use a computer in the first place.
Or maybe my design is bad I am getting uncertain.7
You motherfucking incompetent useless collection of hairy ballsacks even a trained monkey could do a better job than you do. And I swear once we literally cross the 99% availability rate I will find your headquarters and smash everyone's face into each of your fucking servers then set that whole place on fire.
You forget to flush the DNS cache after moving my server (of course on Friday when else), here is 2 days of error page for my site, whoose instructions a normal user simply couldn't follow. Not to mention it pointed to the wrong article.
Random 503 error, and you aren't answering my phone calls, though usually I am the first one who informs you of a fucking problem with your fucking server and I have to wait 5-10 minutes in line while you are figuring out the problem.
And now random forbidden error for my whole page. Out of nothing. I've changed nothing. You said one hour earlier that it's your mistake and it will took around 30 min. Still nothing.
I'm fed up with all your bullshit. Go fuck yourselves.
Now this is fucking ridiculous... Our website is being constantly limited though we've never reached even 80% of the available CPU resource.
The hosting said that we had the CPU fault (that fucking cyanide spike on the graph that triggers the limit once) because of huge load on the server. The FUCKING SERVER... Not our virtual environment. And once more because of the RESOURCE MONITORING service caused a server restart. For fucks sake, really???
And apparently it's perfectly normal that all users even ones that run in low resources are being limited to a level that a request takes 30 seconds to complete instead of frickin' 1...
The best they could offer is to move us to a new server, which will arrive in two weeks, if the problem persist. IT'S PERSISTING FOR FUCKING MONTHS YOU MORON. I wonder how much time would have been taken you to realise the server shutdown this week if I hadn't phoned you in 5 minutes. FUCK!
Every shared hosting is that garbage or am I just the choosed one?12
Oh the beauty of WYSIWYG etitors...
I don't know which one I'm more amazed of. All that beautiful styling for a simple line break or that incredibly accurate and absolute neccessary line-height value.
I guess it's time for a strip tag massacre.4
From now on my car is rant-powered! Been a while since the stickers arrived but finally they found their place. Thank you guys!6