Why do HR people ask stupid questions like the following ones? Everytime I get those questions, I have imaginary answers like the ones right after each question.

Why do you want to work here?

- Obviously, because I need the money to survive. I'm not here because I love working for you and having to endure your stress. I'm not that type of a kinky person.

Are you flexible?

- Why? Do you want to annoy me when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night because of a sudden deadline or because a god damn employee didn't show up?

Do you see yourself as a perfect fit for both developer and tech support roles?

- Read my fucking resume, moron. I applied for a developer role. Nothing else.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- As if you would care. It's none of your business, but since we are at it. I see myself as your manager in 5 years. Hope that you like that thought.

We didn't bother reading your CV. Would you like to tell us about yourself?

- Nope. Have a nice day and suck my dick. I'm leaving.

Can you give us your phone number and the phone number of your girlfriend?

- I didn't know that I am selling my soul to your company by accepting this job offer. I'm not your slave and you will not call me whenever I'm enjoying my private time.

What's motivating you?

- Money and the peaceful vibe at work when you are shutting the fuck up when I'm fully focused during my projects.

How do you handle stress?

- I dick slap everyone infront of me.

Do you see yourself as a hard worker?

- Nah, I'm not interested in sucking dicks, eating her ass and bending over to get a little bit of a raise.

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand hex and F the rest

What do you do when you have a big array filled with strings?

longStory.sort

try{
}
catch{
}

Loneliness

Not using Windows

Installing "Hannah Montana Linux" on a co-worker's pc after they left it unlocked and went home for the weekend.

When everything is taken away from you, and this might not happen for a very long time, just remember that you surrendered every ounce of control of your life over to those whom have been out to fuck you over since before you were born.

The Nightmare...

Basically that's me a week to every deadline.

1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 1

Always wondered

Oldie but goldie:
Q. what's this?

['hip', 'hip' ] ;

A. An hip hip array

Also Me: You still haven't even finished your other 5321436578 other side projects!

People that upgrade to Windows 10 FREE by going to the... "special needs category"(people with special needs that could use the new things that Windows 10 has... like Cortana), but are perfectly normal... don't be ashamed of that... you were retarded enough to upgrade to Windows 10, so it's justified...

Worst: Installing Linux first time on machine which has windows already installed.

Best: Installing and using Linux on whatever machine after getting used to it.

Well tried 😝

RIP Carry Fischer.

I shit you not people! This advertisement is for an internship, from LinkedIn!

Tester's bug report: "Both bars started to flash and jump like in Harlem Shake."

"The machine" from person of interest :)

My school stores everyone's username and passwords (including admins) in plain text on a Windows 2007 server that they remote desktop into.

My project wouldn't need a robust backend language, or even a fancy frontend framework...
With unlimited time and money, I would give every child under the sun the opportunity to stay alive, to have no fear of poverty or illness, and to prosper in their own way. Only one design pattern needed: HOPE...

Star Citizen Star Wars Style

Rip Dreplina 😂😂

A app that will figure out what goes on in the mind of a woman

A relationship

How much of a dream? Is world domination valid?

Eclipse

Does anyone else change their avatar whenever they shave 😀