I don't. Between exercising to lose weight, working full time and keeping up with tech I don't have any more time

I think something is wrong with this build...

Just got to experience this classic (again):

99 little bugs in the code, take one down, patch it around, 127 little bugs in the code...

You are not prioritizing your work!!!

Well I am but you keep throwing more work in my direction on like a daily basis ...

The difference between procedures and functions never troubled me. Until it did and now I'm just thinking it for the past hour! Here it is: Procedures perform some logic while functions (like in math) return a value. Daaaamn!

Finally i found a community that is not filled with childen!

I hate doing discovery and system analyst type crap. I'm a Dev, not a technical documenter. I'm not the product owner and I shouldn't be defining requirements for the application. Why does this seem to happen a lot?

!rant

Finally got the 1000++ still feels like I just joined last month. Thanks to you folks I don't feel like I'm alone anymore.

PS: Fuck jQuery, copypasta shit code and retarded company policies. 🕊

"Can you put my site as the first result on google?"

I can add SEO to your site, just give me your preferred keywords, a description, and let's make sure we follow white hat best practices etc.

"No call someone at google and ask how much to go to the top of the list"

So you want to pay for ads or..?

"No get a figure I can pay to get to first page"
"Or can you just edit the google"

... And so I never renewed that contract ever again, the end.

"I want my API to return insults as error messages if they forget shit"

Uh no, I prefer helping them out by writing proper documentation than sending a giftbox with me flipping them off like Linus Fucking Torvalds for their spaghetti usage of your API

What my Clients don't know:

I turn my 2nd 27inch screen in portrait orientation before they come in. And turn it back when they leave.

Somehow it impresses them.

Nerd problems... I just sneezed so hard my glasses fell off

We are a hosting company.

That means that we host websites and servers.

Hat does NOT mean that we manage your FUCKING APPLICATIONS.

THE NEXT FUCKING PERSON WHO'S GOING TO ASK ME APPLICATION RELATED QUESTIONS OR TRIES TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT REALLY IS A MOTHERFUCKING HOSTING ISSUE IS GOING TO GET A FUCKING FIST IN THEIR EYES.

FUCKING FUCKING FUCK.

Tfw when you try to make your first rant and you have no idea what to talk about because there are hundreds of things that you can rant about and so you end up making a generic "I'm new here, please help me!" post.
I love computers :)