Teaching 7-8 year olds the basics of web design. We're we're playing with CSS and changing colours of block elements and text. One girl put up her hand, completely confused as to why it wasn't working. Her code:

Section {
Background-color: rainbow;
}

Oh the wonderful mind of children

He's got a valid point

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I am probably on some kind of FBI watchlist because I googled "How to kill all children while leaving the parent alive". So yeah, Linux is brutal.

I kinda feel sorry for him

Typing "How to kill all the children in a block" in Google definitely doesn't bring up results related to programming.

My little daughter attached it on my laptop :-)

Scene: Senior developer left, 3 Junior devs(including me) are now loaded with work.

*Intern asks for help*

JuniorDev1: I have 2 projects of which i'm the lead on one. I don't have time to help anyone.
JD2: 2 projects as well dude, speak to me after work, much easier then.
Me: 3 projects, lead on two. Sure how can i help you.

Took less than 5 minutes to help the intern.

2 hours Later. Check in meeting

PM: Our Junior devs are really busy and can't always help you guys. JD1 are you overloaded?

JD1: Yes, is their anyway we can split the one projects work?

PM: Sure. JD2 are you overloaded?

JD2: Not really, but i agree on splitting the projects between the three of us.

Me: *Are these fuckers serious? i have three projects, they have 2 and they wanna give me more work because they are overloaded and don't know how to manage their time*

PM: Ok cool, i'll update it. CooCooK4Choo, i see you building your own game during lunch time. You definitely not overloaded.

Me: Actually! what i do in my lunch time is my own personal work because it's the only time i have to work on personal projects. I actually do feel overloaded with the 3 projects and now more work from them, could we split the work load evenly please.

PM: I thought you said you could handle the 3 projects?

Me: I can, i have been, but with more work coming my way i don't think i'll be able to.

PM: Unfortunately i need the other Junior Devs on demand, so i won't be able to split the work load evenly.

Me: On demand for what? Why not let the interns help?

PM: In case i need their help. The interns are helping the other Junior Devs with things that don't require too much out of them.

Me: *This FUCKEN BITCH!* Cool, I'm done with the 1 project, expect the business rules at the end of the day. I'll see if i can get the other 2 near done by Friday so i can have time to look over the code of the new projects that i'll be splitting with the other Junior Devs.

PM: Cool, glad we all on the same page.

You know what? FUCK this stupid shit of favoring people in the FUCKEN work place.
This is my first full-time job ever, I've been here for a full year today and i can honestly say these people are just giant children with money. I should know, out of work i am a giant child, but from 8:00 - 16:00 i'm a FUCKEN adult.

So, in my spare time I run a little helper business that teaches children/teenagers how to program.

Theres a new kid that's been coming for around about a month, and I swear the kid is a programming deity.
He picked programming and more importantly developing remarkably quickly.
Long story short, I paid for him to go to a Hackathon in LA and he now has more business contacts than me.

The worst bad practice I do is I keep going to work.

Many years down the road I will probably look back and say I should have spent more time with my wife (who are you?) and children (wow, you are tall).

Who knows that situation?

Parents: When your child spends a lot of time with the PC and doesn't want to interact with you, you have some reflection to do before you turn off the internet and nag them for things all day. Chances are, they don't like being with you but don't want to say it, either, because of the kind of things they know you will say and think if they do it.

And for the love of everything that is holy, do NOT turn the internet off! That pisses them off even more!

Maybe I'd have told you how much I hate being forced to be with you if it didn't mean I'd get guilt tripped about it.

Being around the people who pretend that you are a fucking machine that only needs material things in life and does not at all need emotional support at least in the early parts of your life and deflecting every legit argument for the things you stand for with "Muh Feelingz" makes them seem even more pathetic than they are. They manage to be an inspiration to everyone who doesn't know them, yet fail to be the persons their children have any respect for.

It's as if children never imitate their surroundings at all...

Murdering 4 innocent children

I was on a 1:1 with my boss talking about my performance, recent tickets, HR stuff, anything I need, plans for the next quarter, etc.

My 4yo ran up, pointed to my boss on the screen, and asked "who is mommy on a call with?" I told him it was my boss, T, and that he needed to be quiet. "I want talk to T!" He demanded. "Hi T!" He wouldn't take no for an answer. We were pressed for time, so. As cute as it was, it wasn't very welcome.

It took like five minutes to finally make him leave. Now whenever I'm on a call, he runs up and yells "Hi T!!!!" at the screen. 😅 even when its standup or the engineering meeting with like 50 people.... thankfully there is a mute button! His face still pops up on camera, but most people understand and just laugh.

He's cute but he can be soo embarrassing!

Get inside the classroom children.
But Sir, We can't find the class.
Huh?

Found in the React source. Those poor children...

So I was with my friends on the subway and we were talking about an assigment we have due this week with trees in Java. I got to say, the face on the old ladie next to us when we said "we must kill all the children left in the tree" was just epic! She must thought we were talking about beating some little kids or something... 😅

Pro tip:

Although 'hmm either kill it or if that doesn't work, sacrifice some of its children' is a perfectly valid sentence in the sysadmin world, it's not in public.

😅

Please stop me if I try to name my children test, test1 and test2

Thanks

Developers sound like psychotic sewing serial killers.

Always taking about strings and threads or killing parents, children and detaching heads.

!dev

const children = {
length: 1,
data: [{
name: "noah",
gender: "male"}]
};

children.length++;
children.data.push({
name: "mina",
gender: "female"
});

const happy = true;

Clearly Mozilla is the villain here for prioritising privacy and personal freedom over censorship, control, and surveillance. Oh, our parental controls don't work! WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN! wtf

Well... There is an App called 'Tinker' where you can create games and stuff with a Scratch-like programming language.
One day I made a really simple 3D Rendering Engine and as a demo a rotating cube.
Then I published it.

The Tinker-Community consists of mostly little children and therefore they were really impressed :D

The project is now in the top 10 of the most viewed projects!
(There are thousands of other projects on Tinker.)

Yeah... I felt like an badass...

Your code has so much spaghetti it can be fed to the starving children in Africa.

CSS is so unfair. Children will never be able to find out who their parents are!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my latest employee, Dave the Duck! Dave is the new head of debugging and took the job to support his out-of-hand caffeine addiction and 72 children (of which paternity tests are still being done on 10). Dave is also wanted in 4 countries as the leader of the popular gang, known as the Dangerous Ducks. Please do no feed Dave, as he is on a strict diet. #DaveTheDuck #ProgrammersTools #ImNotThatCrazy

Killing a parent that has a few children

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

save a life, check its not production

The place where I work part time, my role is to teach children how to code basic things in python, html and CSS.
There's a child who's been coming to this club for the past year, she's only 8 and is smarter than any other child I've seen in person.
Turns out both her parents are developers which is why she has an interest in coding too. It's so refreshing to see things like these, honestly. I hope my child in the future is like her lol.

Got basically nothing done yesterday because I was absolutely exhausted the entire day. Thanks, doxxing thread. But I couldn’t sleep anyway so whatever.

Told everyone at home that I wanted a really productive day tomorrow (today) because of it.

Guess what happened?
Endless fucking distractions.
Because of course.

• Cooking since apparently it’s my job.
• Extended computer repair and maintenance, since that’s apparently my job even when it’s not my computer.
• Conversations.
• Children following me.
• People paraphrasing politics.
• People summarizing stupid fail videos.
• People relating stupid prank videos.
• More conversations.
• Endless random nonsense comments from children.
• Endless noises from children’s toys, tablets, playing, etc.
• Children following me when I leave.
• Taking half an hour to order food instead of five minutes.
• Cleaning since nobody else ever does.
• Picking up toys since nobody else will and I’M FUCKING TIRED OF STEPPING ON AND TRIPPING OVER THEM.
• More fucking food prep.
• Endless random nonsense comments from children.
• More conversations.

Is it any wonder I’m so fucking pissed off every workday?

I can’t wait to move so I can have a fucking office with a fucking door and a fucking lock. And you know what? I’m going to splurge and install some fucking soundproofing, too.

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!? I’M PAYING FOR YOUR FUCKING EVERYTHING. FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

8 year old girl meets a classic typewriter at Norsk Vegmuseum.

"Mom! Mom! Look! It prints immediately!"

Parent threads watching over their children ones

Offering pizza to go to the office. Like we are fucking children

A client just asked me to fix his internet over the phone. After about 25 mins of remote troubleshooting, he tells me "Hey nevermind, it was just the monitor" *click*

...

And that my children, is the story about the time i lost faith in humanity.

Saw a nerdy kid with an awesome coding t-shirt bragging about his immense programming and "hacking" abilities.

"What's your favorite programming language?" I ask.

"Scratch."
...

I help blind children in weekends.

**blind is a verb here

IT: The only place where killing parents and children is acceptable.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Get children! You'll have so little time over for your fun projects that you force yourself to stop procrastinating and start accomplishing truly amazing things in just 5 minutes here and 20 minutes there.

Our professor in operating system lecture, topic: multiprocessing, today: "Just kill all children".

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

How tf does these even make sense?! That's a fucking sledgehammer and large metal chisel on fucking steroids. If your parents don't know what the fuck those are and realize they have nothing to do with fixing a relatively flimsy box (in comparison) they probably need more than their WiFi fixed, but since they managed to fucking raise you, I doubt they're that dumb. I get that parents might not always understand technology, but shit, at least respect the fact that they survived without the Internet, which you probably couldn't do...

Yesterday we started coding with my eldest son, with some board game (based in scratch), and it was so fucking amazing! I'm partial, but he's a fucking code genius!!!
In the game, the child "code" some functionality with cards and the adult (me) compute them 'doing the actions'.
I'm so fucking proud!!! Well, I'm always proud of my children, and there the English language doesn't convey very well my thinking as the verb to be doesn't differentiate the intrinsic state of a subject and a passing state:
SOY TAN ORGULLOSO DE MIS HIJOS!

Article title: "Mastering React component composition using children"

<image of a couple holding a baby>

Image caption: "Parents with child."

**Reads the title again**

Wait what?

The best part about solving problems in code is there is no one right answer.

Except for this. This is clearly the wrong way. This is garbage and you are a garbage person for writing it. This code you wrote is the reason your own children will never love you.

Can't argue with this

JUST GO DIE ECLIPSE YOU FUCKING ABOMINATION I HATE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR COW AND YOUR VAGUELY RELATED UNCLE WHO LIVES IN SIBERIA

When you tell people you're a computer science major and they tell you you should get an education degree as well, because "our nation's children need to learn how to code." Which is fine, but no one tells my male peers they should become teachers instead of working in industry. Just saying. Doesn't make me mad, I just think it's funny

I am sick of Greta Thunberg fad. No this is not political but a social rant. I hate any ideology hiding behind children.

Client's API returns a very weird response that changes its structure depending on its content.

When a array field has more than 1 children it returns:

{
"field" : [
{ "name1" : "value1"},
{ "name2" : "value2"}
]
}

So far so good. However, the fuckery happens when it has 1 children:

{
"field" : { "name1" : "value1"}
}

WTF! So the client API can return either a JSON object or an array and we cant trust the specs they gave us.

I hate fanboys. If ANYBODY is saying something against "their" company, they get upset and argue about it like little children. If your technology is shit, if your browser sucks, if your phone explodes, if your OS is slow, just admit it. I can't stand these fuckers thinking they have to defend themselves just cause a company released a shit product...

As a self taught C programmer starting comp sci in University, WTF is all this object oriented-ness. Constructors, parents, children, inheritance, polymorphism... I feel like more like an anthropologist than a programmer.

(But really, I get why it's better. Just so hard to learn)

#programmingstuff

A parent may kill it's children if the task assigned to them is no longer needed.

*Don't apply it to real world.

A turret (white) from Portal 2

A silver RWBY logo

Two foam dice as memorabilia from my previous job

A plush 😈

Plus a collection of various things saved and hidden from the scary hands of destructive children monsters.

We used to have a portal gun (both full size and mini) and a gravity gun on the dresser. But with the advent of children, they’re safely back in their boxes.

Have children and build a house. You will forget what you enjoyed doing in your free time. Because you will not have any more!

P. S. I could have attached my github activity graph instead, but that is even more embarrassing 😭

$child = new Child();
$child->gender = 'female';
$wombat->children[] = $child;

I wish I knew for sure I wouldn't offend certain people if they read this. I'll be vague for a reason..

WHY THE FUCK ARE. PI WRITING A PROGRAM IN A LANGUAGE OF YOUR LIKING AND THEN TELLING ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH FILE TO UPLOAD?!,!,!? How about the ones that make it work?

And why did you send the program, unformatted? This hurts.

I'm trying to teach these children how to fucking be professional in their jobs and this is what I'm working with.

How hard is it to know your tools and pick one that shows you know what you're doing????

And all this after the deadline, and the language written wrong

One of classmates presented an idea of children tinder as her final project. (To find friends, not...you know..)
So, after a pretty logical question how they're going to prevent it from turning into a platform for kidnappers, they said 'I don't know, not my problem, tinder doesn't do it, Facebook doesn't, it's not my sphere of responsibility. And as a developer I cannot guarantee anything, why are you asking me this you're wrong'
Bravo.

P.s. idk why both of my latest posts are about tinder lol

When I read the rants here it's like people don't love their work or would rather not make their children be a developer someday.

Where's the Care Bears when you need them.

Come back to semi-darkness. Dev is fun!

Me - "I need to find the children"
CTO- "Okay. How many?"

It takes about 10 minutes to realize the conversation you just had

Don't talk to me I'm a programmer!

First, I'll kill you
make you leave all your children
Then I'll chop off your HEAD
now you're a zombie
I'll thread all your limbs back together
you can never REST
because I'm a master of all slaves
this is a test
And if I'm finally done with you
I'll leave you for garbage collection
Hello World!
Don't talk to me

My ideal dev job...working for a charity that creates free tech solutions for primary schools and children to promote safety and learning. One app I have in mind is a resource for victims of bullying, and another is an integrated Virtual Learning Environment that truly provides pupils and teachers with the tools they need and want.

Basically I want to make a positive impact on the lives of children and make that available to everyone, not just the schools who can afford it.

Why are children in tree data structure sad?

Because they only have single parent.

"Detective Pikachu" actually looks fucking amazing. Pikachu is voiced by RYAN REYNOLDS and it's a movie that recognizes that a lot of original Pokemon players are adults now, and balances that well with their current target audience of children. I am very, very excited.

Funny commit messages

// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will
// have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets
// released into the public.
//
// Dear maintainer:
//
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
//
// total_hours_wasted_here = 42
//

cssRant

Why for the sake of world peace can't Edge inherit "opacity" to children?
This drives me insane!!!11!!one!eleven!!1!!

Get you fucking turds together dear browser developers!

The whole webDev business gets serious crippling depression from your brainless way of pooping out what you call "browser"!

Half the papers on multimodal learning refer to studies on human children learning. Makes me wonder why we never study animals to know how their multimodal learning works so fucking well that some newborns can function straight out of the womb/egg.

Working with WPF you often find yourself googling some very inappropriate questions like

"How to take children from parent"

!dev && rant
Temperature causing temper!!!

Summer 2009...
Me: Dad, can me and sis go swim in the pool?
Dad: No son, you can only swim if it's 25°C or higher.
Which in practice meant that we could only swim a few days each summer. Average in Belgium used to be about 21°C.

Spring 2019, my younger siblings...
Little sis: Mom, can we go swim in the pool?
Mom: Lol sure, it's only April but it's already way hot enough.. and during summer it'll be too hot to do the work on setting up the pool anyway.

Winter 2029, in Antarctica...
Me, to my children: During my old days my children, we had this thing called snow!! And we lived in the wasteland that used to be the glorious Europe, back when it was still habitable.. you should've seen it, now it's a desert, but back then it was awesome!
My children: Mum!! He's acting senile again, and talking about things that don't exist!!!

Coming to the crux of the problem right now, fuck me.. I'm tired as fuck but can't sleep because already in the fucking spring, my house is too fucking hot to be able to sleep without sweating like a pig!!!
AaaaaAAAAA 😣

Estimation shows I was put on about 13 watchlists after searching: "how to kill all children of single parent"
The struggles of a programmer

The ammount of digging I have to do in order to fix something or building the mindset to do something i don't want to.

I have a mental block regarding people telling me what to do. I consider myself a pretty chill dude, but when someone says "do this" my mind automatically goes into "oh fuck that" mode.

I hate being this way, wish I could just switch that shit off and work on what i am told and be done with it.

I can spend all weekend fucking around with php. But the moment someone tells me to do something at work with it I start dreading it

This applies to damn near everything in life except for anything that has to do with my children.

My dad was neglectful as fuck, that itself makes me overly paranoid of making my children feel the same way I did growing up. Just wanted to throw that out.

It seems I did some progress today! Thanks Dr Devrant!
Dr Devrant: tell me about your father
Me: motherfucker sucks camel balls

FML

brought my children to the childcare, went home and I am faced with A FUCKING CLOSED DOOR OF MY HOME WITHOUT ANY KEY and MY COMPANY NOTEBOOK, WALLET AND KEYS INSIDE!!! 😬

Today I got the order to block all ports needed for LOL at a school. Even if its just LOL, is still violates everything I stand for. Lets hope that the children know what VPN is

I made a huge mistake. Took a job at a startup that seemed promising but so far it's just been a nonstop shit show of watching/dealing with petulant children learn how to run a company. I fantasize about quitting, taking the whole dev team with me, and watching their dreams go up in smoke.

Been working for a while with some terrible code with no documentation that I just inherited from a previous employee

Topic: multi-threaded program in Python

Goal: kill both parent and children with keyboard interrupt

Intuitive idea: check in children processes if parent still alive

Implemented idea:
- parent creates socket connection
- keyboard interrupt kills parent and thus the socket connection as well
- children receive some specific socket error from the loss of connection
- children catch the exception and are killed
In Python 2, of course

I, too, like to inflict pain on myself for fun

var i = 0;
setInterval(function(){
document.getElementById("el").style.width = i + "px";
i+=10;
},100);
And, children, this is how we were used to create animations years ago

Looked up "mounting children" while researching into React, not realizing other implications...🤦‍♂️ Waiting for the feds to show up at my door any moment now to take me away. 😳

I will start contributing to open source from 2017. I have joined a Full Stack JavaScript developer boot camp for 3 months where we will do yoga, meditation, SunSetdance, Bhajan, Kirtan, study and work on social projects for children and NGO' s.

So both my and my friends documentation for this project got rejected. It wasn't much of a surprise as we both have the same teacher who is very very strict on documentation. We are discussing all the documentation stuffs when he drops this:
Going to Africa and giving all children water is easier than getting this fucking documentation approved.

I fucking lost it xD. Okay, a bit harsh maybe but at least you get the idea.

So yesterday there was an interesting news story in my country. A man was fined for posession of two pictures containing pornographic depictions of children.
Now that's all great. The interesting part, however, is how the man was caught.
A tip was given from foreign agencies to the law enforcement of my country that the man was storing the pictures on his OneDrive. Not sharing them or anything, simply storing them there.
How the FUCK did the know? Do they monitor everything you put in a fucking private cloud repository? I've never used OneDrive, and now I'll make sure to never use it in the future. Fucking spyware.

This kid on the tape is me. I'm not even two years old there and I'm already messing around with wires.

Five minutes later on that tape I figured out how to turn the vacuum cleaner on and tried to tie it to the cassette deck.

No wonder why I'm a programmer now 😂

Today, I wrote a code to manipulate children.

There is this around 50 yo guy who seriously said in a room full of linuxers "oh, I'm already over with that Linux thing, it's for children. I'm using Windows now."
The sad thing is: he meant it seriously.

I'd like to self report that I killed my children. Both me and the author should be arrested.

:-)

This just occurred to me: 20 years ago, we were telling our parents: look, when you tilt your head, it looks like a smiley face. We use these instead of facial expressions.

In another 10 years, we may be telling our children: look, when you tilt your head, it looks like a smiley face. We used these instead of emoji.

So recently I have this course called Operating Systems and we used putty to connect to a linux server. An assignment was given to fork a child and pass the message through all the children and all that good stuff. The assignment wasn't the hard part, its to deal with the fact that some people just orphan their children. The server is on the verge of death at this point. So.many.tasks.running. Can I wall and tell them to kill their processes ~_~

I will smash your fucking nerf gun over your head. Why is 30-40 yr old men acting like my kids even a thing. No other industry treats talent like infants. Nor does any other industry seem to have so many adult children present. </rant>

#Happy_Rant

Seeing BYJU's and WhiteHat Jr losing millions in valuation makes me happy, as it was something I had predicted (Im not flexing btw).

The whole business model is dumb, teaching CHILDREN coding and teaching them how to make `apps` via online learning.

Students study Comp Sci for literal years before they even begin coding something useful, and even then there are so many professional developers walking around who barely understand the code that they write.

It's just natural selection at this point.

I have a dream...

I have a dream that one day my children will be able to wake up and install a fucking react native library without gradle losing its absolute shit

Let's talk about kids!

Do you have any?

Do you want to have any? When? Why not?

I have two kids, one girl (2 yo) and one boy (5 mo).

The loves of my life and my main motivation for everything.

So, first a bit of background:

We've got a parent class, owned by another team, and two child classes, owned by my team. One of the children is unused. (Already sounds bullshit right.)

On to the story:
6 months ago, I had to modify one of the children (add new functionality).

I try to modify the base class to add it, the senior dev in charge says "no, just add it on the child". So I do, then merge it in.

Yesterday I wake up to a high priority bug. Turns out the senior guy wants to add another child class, and wants the functionality I put in my class on the base class.

Even commented on my PR from 6 months ago asking why I didn't do that.

The fucker opened up a high priority issue assigned to me, asking ME TO DO THE CHANGE I WANTED TO DO 6 MONTHS AGO THAT HE SAID NO TO.

Fuck this shit. I have a meeting with him and my boss in an hour. My boss is pissed, I hope he tells the other guy to go fuxk himself and do the change himself.

Screaming and stomping and jumping and shaking the whole house from my wife and children.

If you do this, please, don't have children.

P.D. count the number of *if*s

sudo rm -rf [ENEMIES...]

Removes ENEMIES and their children recursively.

I had to disable my notifications for devRant because it was taking me away from paying attention to my children.

Me: I majored in Computer Science & Engineering
Someone: Are you the eldest son of your parents?
Me: Yes, why? and How did you know?
Someone: Your parents must have forced you to study CSE, right?
Me: No! They never forced me! I chose CSE by myself, because I loved science & technologies
( and a long boring conversation between me and someone, which is not that important )

In my country, usually parents force their children to become something they want ( Though, my mom still says from time to time, "I really wished, one of children to be a Doctor", as my siblings are also not interested to become Doctor :/ ), but my parents never really forced me anything like that, which I'm really thankful for.

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A drunk who drove into a tree

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me

Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree....

Twelve beaten children
Eleven drive-by shootings
Ten frozen homeless
Nine amputations
Eight burn victims
Seven strangled shoppers
Six random knifings
Five suicides
Four beaten wives
Three O.D.'s
Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree

Me trying to copy a file from pendrive to Hard disk.
Status- 45 seconds left...
Went to College, completed Bachelor, went to university, completed Masters, got married, had two children, got retired from job, returned to the same PC
Status- 45 Seconds left...

I had to remove the inherited elements of a div element in jQuery so I googled "kill children".

took me a while to understand ...

If you don’t get your children vaccinated, remember…

The smallest coffins are the heaviest.

Ah, that feeling when you open random cyber space options in Firefox so you can watch children being forced, classical frontend development with devtools. Happens almost every Tuesday

My smartphone's fingerprint reader just stopped working, after EXACTLY 36 months of usage.

I always took care of this device to make it last, as I'm worried about resources consumption and what the production chain involves (like having working children in African mines).

I'll try to keep using it as long as possible, but I can't stop thinking that this problem shouldn't be always on us, the consumers, suffering defective devices designed to last only for two years.

We should put more pressure on producers to reduce electronic waste, and to invest more on the maintenance & repairing sectors (which are almost non-existent).

That's all folks.

Listening to colleagues discuss "executing children" under certain conditions...

"play to support children affected by conflict" yeah would be great, if they weren't all free to play fucking games about war...

Surely docother games that cost money and simply donate the proceeds from them towards charity

How many hours do you put in daily at your day job? Do you go home and work on personal projects? How much time do you put into that? Are you married? Do you have children?

I'll go first:
- 8
- sometimes, probably about 1 hour a day.
- yes
- 3 kids

Your turn!

I was writing some migrations and I had to do THIS. Could I have named my variables differently? Didn't wanna... 😈

This is easy. Irl fork and acquire commands to let me reposess the knowledge of my children.
Things i can do while playing games:
0: work
1: sleep
2: eat
3: sex
4: workout
5: travel the world
6: troll my ex
7: read every post on DevRant

I normally just have nightmares about the projects I'm working on, especially when I struggle with a bug for days. Those are usually about just me stressing out about it. However, I have a lot of dreams about computers/technology, not necessarily coding-related:

- datacenters were just potato fields. If you go work the field, you'd go data mining

- in Biology, when being taught how having children works, you only tell that "parenting is only chmod-ing the rights of your children until they become the owners themselves"

- IP addresses with emojis instead of numbers were a standard now and they actually managed to replace IPv4, because everyone was so into emojis. They named it IPvE

- I witnessed a new Big Bang when the 32-bit Unix time overflown in 2038, and we were all quantum bits

What a coincidence. JQuery gets an update to 3.4.0 - and I removed the JQuery dependency that a mid-sized widget (15 kB minified) needed.

Rewriting the selector, css and trim stuff was easy. Each, children, append, empty, remove and extend were not too hard. Animations gave me more headache, but in the end, JS triggered CSS transitions worked nicely.

I was able to shave off the usual 30 kB over the wire for JQuery, and the whole thing seems snappier. Finally, I'm at vanilla everything!

Of course, it's largely due to JQuery's merits that vanilla JS is where it is today. So, thank you JQuery, and farewell.

A lot of devs I meet are pretty cool but a handful, including some on here, seem to think the world revolves around them and they deserve to have the ground dusted off in front of them.

That's fucking narcissistic and you need a reality check if you're like that. It's great you're passionate about your knowledge but you're not out here taking down terries and saving children from burning buildings, like calm down with the self righteousness

Just had to get that out after one too many "how dare anyone looketh unto me unless I request it in advance" posts. Like chill out, you're not that special 🙄

Arghhhhhhhh! What the hell is becoming of today's world?

So I have registration form that relates to parents signing up for a service and asking for ages of their children. Children are never older than 5 years old.

So, for each child the user specified the child's sex/gender (Boy or girl) and their age.

I'm still in disbelief over my client's request, that is marked "urgent".

I basically need to add to the list of options, as "boy" and "girl" are no enough and the question is now "too limiting".

I apparently need to add several more options including: "prefer not to specify", "geneder neutral", "bigender" and "genderfluid".

I mean how can a child aged 5 or less identify as "gender neutral" or "bigender" - how on earth are they able to decide.

Fine, if you're an adult and signing up to something like Facebook, have your 80 odd options. But for children under 5 how have no idea wtf any of this means, stuff like this really annoys me.

Have legal troubles in the UK? Scammed someone? Messed with the wrong person? Facing charges and a lengthy jail time? No problem! Go and touch some children. UK protects pedos at all costs, so you’ll immediately be pardoned. Maybe they’ll even give you a medal.

Sometimes when I'm sitting in the train, I feel like I'm in a kindergarten...
For real there are so many children here wtf.
Annoying babies screaming, parents playing fucking annoying children songs for their babies on like full volume (Hello WTF!?!) and children that run around in the train.

I fucking hate it...
But the train is completely full so I can't go to any other seat.

Stupid parents...

This one is more for the (surprisingly many) german folks here.

Explanation: Nobody would translate children to "Kinder" in the context of nodes in software.
The translation would be correct in the context of an ordinary family, but in software the translation of e.g. "Reply(s)" would be far more appropriate.

Just saw an advert for a well known store, who are supporting Care for Children this Christmas. Nice advert.
One commentor trashed it saying "it doesn't mention anything about Jesus and it doesn't make sense". I replied with "neither does miraculous conception".
I was then called "ignorant"....

Interesting. People are...interesting.

Yes, thank you motherfucker. Please change the fucking specification again one fucking day before the deadline.

These project managers and clients are like little children who can't decide whether they want a lego set or a video game for christmas except little children don't blame santa for their own stupidity.

Guess what? I'm not santa fucking claus and can't do miracles in one day. It's on you little project manager children if we miss this deadline.

!rant

Anyone else who can't focus while listening to music? I can't grasp how that's not annoying to people.

The sound of silence.
For real, the best coding flows happen then.

If there is something that I can hear and process, my train of thought behaves like a dream behaves when you wake up in the morning.

Even worse are children, humming, whistling or munching as the ONLY sound in that silence, Im scorching inside when that happens.

If I can't be somewhere silent (preferably completely), I block the distractions with binaural beats and/or sound of rain.

I would like to share my son's best joke so far.

Knock knock
Who's there?
The tower in France.
The tower in France who?
The tower in France, there's a man on top... it's Doctor who... Ooeeooo

Which phones do you recommend?
Which have given you the fewest problems?

I want something with custom rom support so i can add my own problems (duh) and to make it prettier. Apart from that, the only other deal breakers are a lack of wireless charging (I have children who break everything) and an awful screen. I'm not really picky about anything else, but I do want it pretty.

Anyone have a phone like this that they actually like?

If you are looking for a job. Just post on linkedin a picture of you with few children, make sure there is a blueyellow flag on it as well, and say that you are looking for a job. You will have hundreds of offers.

One of my favorite old jokes:
If you wish to know who rules you, seek those whom you're not allowed to criticize… We should rise up against children with leukemia!

We were having a 30 min discussion about differed tasks and how to kill children spawned by a specific parent if the so said parent is killed, and if in a situation where keeping a parent alive is irrelevant if a child fails, should the child kill the parent and the other children?
Also if a family of tasks spawned from the same parents were canceled, should should I just kill myself or do I take care of the others first?
Or should I concentrate on killing the tasks instead? Which one is easier?

For God's sake why can't you just keep consistency across your fucking files? I have to parse 3 different XML files from the same source where I have "ZipCode", "zipCode" and "Code" for the same thing.

Not to mention that the file that contains all the streets in the country have literally one street node for every motherfucking street. Not one city parent and multiple street children that would make sense and would be faster to parse, but clearly that wasn't your intention you retarded cunt.

The forbidden children

I think companies are not going more and more woke but they are appeasing to the crybabies so their profits won’t diminish in the long term.

So they are doing something worse, knowing the demands of these highly offended crowd are bullshit but they prefer to look like they agree with them, so some retard do not start a twitter thread about how github supports slavery by naming default branch master.

In the meantime, this appeasement emboldens and make those children bolder demands, like a baby wailing inside a mall to force parents to buy a candy.

I would replace it completely with industry apprenticeship, along with every other major. Education in the USA has become a scam designed to mine children for debt. If we're shackling kids to their student loans we at least owe them relevance in their chosen workplace.

Germany apparently let's people choose apprenticeship over university for work such as engineering. Does anyone know more about that? Does it work? Would it work for programmers?

Don't mistreat our children

My current project involves storing parents and children of parents in to a community database.

My current parameters include "availablechildren", "selectedchildren" and "forchildren"...and I'm worried somebody in this office is going to see this and I'm going to end up on some kind of register :S

When it was "bring your children" day at my mums work she took me to London, I used to draw houses with paint on her work PC and sending them via fax to my grandma miles away. It was pretty magical to me.

Start with it at age 4, learn children to protect themselves on the internet, but also show them the possibilities. It's not something I expect this generation to properly teach the next one

And name it something like Computer Security

I just have been with my kid to a doctor. Got some meds and was ordered to pray to the god, was almost dragged into discussion after saying that this comment was improperiate.
Somebody just criticized me about bringing politics into discussion.

I'm from POLand.

Client: I need you to clean up the database and remove all rows [with children] with a timestamp older than 5 years

Team: OK

Team [internally]: we definitely need a dba for this
Me: dba? Why? A junior dev can do that
Team: yyeeaahh, but still.. A DBA would do it better. You know, foreign keys and everything

Me: ....

After 2 days of trying to understand unclear requirements I got for a new project... I discover my boss wrote them....

From the description, it read like he flipped it around from what he actually wanted (there's a difference between parent-children and child-parent)

And he always gave me the feeling that he had gotten it from some business team so I spent 2 days trying to figure out who wrote these requirements so I could ask them.

FML....

Entering the computer lab for the first time in my life when I was in class 3. Each computer was assigned to 3 children (I know). We saw and played perhaps the most awesome game ever made;

Will never forget those 30 minutes of my life. (although I lost all my lives on the very first level)

Our parents keep reminding us about the time change that happens every half a year. To remember that the clocks need to be adjusted. And we, the children, keep reminding them, that most devices are already connected to the internet and use the time servers for reference. Which surprises our parents every time. 🙃

My parents didn't mind. Since childhood, they used to tell me that I can choose my profession freely. I tried with medicine. Burned lots of €s and lots of time. And then switched to IT. Parents did not get in my way - on the contrary, helped me wherever they could. And allowed me to shoot my own foot whenever I was so stupidly determined to.

I believe it's the best kind of parenting -- allowing your children to make their choices, their own mistakes and learn from them while suggesting a piece of advice along the way.

- Searched for a cascader component for React
- Installed it
- Lost 2 hours trying to load dynamic options
- Turns out that there is a parameter named "isLeaf" to identify when a node have no children, which is also used to allow the loading of dynamic options
...

isLeaf...
isLeaf......
isLeaf.........

*chills*

I don't know what shall be the hill I die on, the subject my children and I will never agree, the thing that will make future generations condemn mine as irredeemable bigots.
I am sure I have no idea what currently ridiculous notion will be the one I shall be thought as a dinosaur for refusing to accept.
I guess it will have something to do with AI.
Nevertheless, I say for sure:
CARS SHOULD NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE!

I've spent some days converting paddings on wrappers into margins for it's children, because our lead designer was a pure genius 🙋‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Fuck you, Google and your million goddamn captchas. One after fucking another, they just keep fucking coming and I can't get to whatever the fucking fuck it is I'm doing. Fuck you. I hope your children all get cancer.

A mesh network specifically for children.

Joined the dark side.
Used to think (),{},[] meant the same. Just a type of brackets they said
Started counting at 0
Designer/Developer perspective to every website/app I visit
Rubber ducks were children bath toys
And for the love of LINUS! Stop asking me to hack your bf/gf 's social media accounts.

Because of unusually high temperatures the city is panicking, prohibiting elders and children from going out. The media only talk about it, nothing else matters anymore.

And I'm freezing with a pullover at work right under the air conditioning unit...

Anything but the children!

Ahhhh I'm in the mood to make a few complains against the company I work for.
Reason: management is done by children, expensive machines are breaking down due to lack of maintainance, having to deal with problems everyday due to machine problems.
Although that's not illegal, just stupid, there's also bad company policies (like if you get hurt can't call an ambulance, must go to the local private clinic, even if you lose a hand ), problems like pools of oil everywhere, electric boxes open (and we do have to put our hands inside to reset the machines)... Stuff like that.
But fuck it, I'm just a temp gaining minimum wage.

At first, you're just a baby who cries and poops.
You outgrow the baby clothes, the crib and the stroller.
Then, you're just a child who plays, runs around and starts school.
You grow tired of your toys and are no longer allowed in the ballpit.
Then, you're just a teenager who curses, sulks and defies your parents.
You grow tired of teen music, stow your stuff away and move out.
Then, you're just a student who finally gets to drive a car and vote, but has no money.
You get a job, a place of your own, start dating and fall in love.
Then you're just a noob at everything you do; new at work, newly in love; feeling your way through life.
You have children and no longer have time to spare for anything else.
Then, you're just a parent taking parental leaves, attend parent-teacher meetings and neglect your friends.
You're no longer welcome in the children's games, or even to talk to them.
Then, you're just an "old fart" or "bitch" who's only good when you give them dough.
You help the children move out, you retire and have grandchildren.
Then, you're just a senior citizen who talks about nothing but your grandchildren and go window shopping outside the pharmacy.
You're hearing and vision get impaired, you get ailments and lose your memory as well as your intellect.
Then, you're just dead.

So, at what stage of life are you really somebody?

Naming a child Jason... Maybe... You know child.json 😋

git rebase -i HEAD~48

* children are crying on the background

During my undergraduate studies I had a Numerical analysis course. The lecturer is an old professor who was the dean of the faculty at the time, during all lessons he'd talk about his grand children and how the course is important to us the engineers. Not for a moment did he speak of the material it self... Came the test - 10 fucking questions of prove and solve in 3 hours. Had to learn the course from Indian fellows on YouTube...

Every student here has to write an essay about some kind of voluntary work he / she did while studying and how the knowledge can be used in your (future) job.
I did train and educate kids at sports. In the end I've compared those kids with a group of software developers which has to be educated, too (e.g. in their manners).

I wish there were a NOP command for children.

The writer must have laughed so hard writing this. @TheBeardedOne can you understand this?

I really don't get the point in saying "Macs are children toys, windows is horrible" and stuff like that; I mean, aren't they just a tool?

I was cleaning a closet and found this. It's the bag that had a couple extra pieces for my riding lawn mower.
Questions:
1. Who isn't aware that you can seriously injure or kill any animal (including humans, especially small ones) via running them over with multiple, sharp, quickly rotating blades?

2. Who the hell is allowing morons that don't realise this around minors?

3. For people who aren't already aware of the seemingly obvious dangers, are they even willing and/or able to read this?

I know we live in a world where people sue manufacturers and retailers for plastic bags that they leave by babies and coffee being too hot, but seriously... wtf

When somebody takes over your project because your almost burnout and makes a children painting from a neat crafted Picasso...

Once you've conceived children, there is no Ctrl+Z, and once you've met them, there is no Esc, F12, Ctrl+Q or even Alt+F4.

"this environment is externally managed"

yes, i know it is, please fucking install it

fuck you python and fuck you docker

tools for children

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Back in the days, i was on my way back home, after visiting my wife who brought our little son to life, it once blew my mind.

The terminology "inherit" is complete bullshit.
Why is that?
Because, a child isn't able to do anything the parents can, immediately.
It has to learn every single ability from it's parents or who knows else.
Maybe a kid won't be able to learn a specific ability from it's parents at all.
Furthermore, a child doesn't have a single parent.
There are always mom and dad.
Ok. Besides that, there is the option of a solo parentship, if a woman decides to breed based on frozen code ;)

I have so many things I could be doing, either fun or not fun, I wish I could spawn children (processes) to do them all and just return the memorable moments and results to my brain...

Okay govs and schools should stop this robotic production by forcing children to learn coding since an early age of 10. It's ridiculous !

Not only are you not giving a shit about whether they are interested or not, you are saturating an already saturated industry. Moreover, you are encouraging young children to sit all day in front of a screen when they should be playing, doing and learning other things.

Let them discover the subject. Let them fall in love with programming and coding. Don't force it onto them...

After a deep day my wife and I came up with our project for steady income to allow me quit work for the first 2 years after the baby is born.

I shut down my 5 azure vms and i am still getting billed??? WTF IS THIS BULLSHIT. THIS DOESNT EXIST ON AWS. WHY IS BILL GATES SUCH A CHILD RAPER AND FUCKS CHILDREN IN THE EPSTEIN ISLAND

I've been successful to achieve this without executing a fork bomb. A buggy library, doesn't care about their children.

Is told to make a cool football themed board for a planning expo.

Thinks football is stupid, but makes an awesome board with a built in football game made with a Raspberry Pi and optical sensors to detect when you throw a ball through the hole.

Boss tells me that my board doesn’t match the theme and doesn’t even mention the fact that what I made was cool as fuck.

Have to trash the board and make something lame with construction paper footballs instead.

My soul is dead. Business people are such fucking children who punish creativity and reward mediocrity. I need to find a company run by developers.

I'll just leave it here, in case your children have a sleeping disorder, this can be helpful.

Algo question: Tree data structures while drawn as Nodes with children, are usually better implemented with (resizable) arrays?

Playing "de boerderij van Piet Precies" on an old windows 98 machine of my parents. It's a game for little children about this farmer, "piet precies", who is quite a perfectionist and has everyting on his farm go in orderly fashion, but one day his animals start to "revolt" or something, and make a big mess (a cow in his bedroom for example).

Yup, late 90's kid ☺

Why are there so many mobile apps trying to teach children coding through obscure logic puzzles? Is it really that difficult to open a text editor and the docs side by side and learn.

How is it that in the age of 98%+ reliable contraception incest is more stigmatized than a relationship between an authority figure and their subordinate? sex=children hasn't been the case for decades now.

It's really hard to search in Google about how to kill children when parent is not waiting for them so the children won't become a zombie

Hello, gameplay ideas for a board game oriented to learning programming for children

I got in contact with a teacher I had at school many years ago and went to meet him, just generally chatting. He had a job offer to teach some children coding for a week at local library but he didn't have the time to do it alone. A few weeks later and I was the primary tutioner for the course with a bit help from said teacher.

I also had some experience with electronics which I incorporated, blowing some components up, show them Arduino's etc. And I can say most of the children seemed really interested and hopefully a few continued after the course.

Either way, I got a really good reference from the library and got a couple more job offers from both them and some other libraries. Finally got a use for the company I registered in 2014.

!Rant && !!CS
Today I had to go to school on Saturday because it 's visitor day, when pupuil from elementary school visit our school to decide where to go. My CS teacher asked me to present CS-lessons, so I did. It was much fun showing and explaining our projects to the parents and their children. After the event my teacher suggested me to become a teacher (because I did so well ;-) ) and I am really thinking about it right now. Maybe it is the right choice for me...

I work on my high school's tech team but all we do is hardware replacement work which I've been doing since I know how to read disassembly instructions. (I was a bored destructive kid)

I thought I was going to enjoy work and learn. Now all I do is work with immature children who know nothing and learn programming on my own when we don't have parts in

Also attempt to educate my 'coworkers' when we do have software issues I know about

Wanna hear a joke?
The google play front page!

Its essetially just a giant ad page. And pretty much consists only of puzzle games and games parents let their children install only for them to shut up.

WTF 😐. It does simply everything. Probably throws nuclear bombs and then catches orphaned children to be a TeaserLink. Yeah I got it 😀!

Someone send help. IBM has taken over my village. They're brainwashing the children; they wont use any packages that don't end in 'd'!

People should take their fireworks and shove them up their asses. I finally understand how cats and dogs feel on new years. Except I'm not a dog but, a frightened parent, scared of my kids being woken up by bangs and flashes!

I have a pain in my right side at some points of the day that kinda been getting a bit more painful in the pasr few weeks.

I did a CT scan and ultrasound that didn't reveal anything odd, and am awaiting some blood and urine test results.

The options are, it reveals:
1) Something easy to fix.
2) Some end of life shit that will ruin my wife and children emotionally and financially. Also might cause even more depression to my parents.

Yay life!

!(dev|rant)
TL,DR : I am happy with my life

Order by * random;

I am a human being, living on Earth, in the European continent, in a non-splited family, my wife and my children are wonderful, I can eat all I want, I am healthy, I have enough free time to play with my children do gardening and train for a marathon,

I live in a lovely house,

I have a good education, a lot of video games on my PC (which I made from scratch), my wife starts to play video games and learn about computers,

My dev job is wonderful. My boss is happy with me, I can manage my time as I want, I don't work in an open space, I still learn about dev, frameworks, and stuff, I work with great co-workers,

... All the things listed were my dream when I was young. I feel very lucky to have this life, I am the happiest man in the world.

Be happy with your life. If you can read this post and reply, you are luckier than you think.

I'm finally going on vacation, which is good, but I already know there will be many stupid people writing me endless private messages about them being banned or their server not working correctly BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN SCRIPTS and they will spam me like they usually do although I WRITE THEM I'm out of the office but they don't care since they don't have other things to do than COMPLAINING ALL DAY.

Geez okay, I got to calm down, I'm on vacation, don't want *that* to ruin my mood.

It was stupid to ban all those people for breaking the rules today though, should have waited another week, so guess this one is on me.

Yesterday on group someone wrote if I want to go and watch the game. I declined cause I’m working my ass after hours for second project.
Then people started talking about lots of diseases spreading around and their children being sick so I changed my mind to go and watch the game so I can get sick and die.
Didn’t happened.
So I’m working my ass off today to finish second gig.

!Dev

If I was rich I think I'd donate to schools and children educational funds a lot

There's so much more that I've been able to learn about and do now that I have my own income stream and it's not just my dad supporting me and my 2 brothers himself. so I have the means to buy a server off eBay, or get books every few months on topics I find interesting, or upgrade my ram to an obscene 48GB to toy with ML and AI from my desktop when the whim arises, as well as all the stuff I'm learning to do with raspberry pi boards and my 3D printers, and the laptops I collect from people about to toss good fixable electronics

So I think I'd want to open the same doors for other children if I ever could who knows how much farther I could be if I had this same access when I was younger and didn't get access to my first 'personal' laptop when I was already 14 or 15 years old

I still consider my childhood 'lucky' and I had many opportunities other children couldn't get, but if I ever could I think I'd like to make future children have more opportunities in general

The adults are the software engineers.

That is all.