Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...

You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????

WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.

MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT

I did a fucking scientific study about fucking rants and found a fucking high correlation between the usage of "fuck" and the number of fucking upvotes.

Fucking someone has to fix the recruiting process.

Fucking who gives a shit about your experience, and what you did so long.

Here take this fucking shitty problem that I googled, so that I can judge you by this one fucking problem.

Oh, youve worked on variety of technologies? Fuck you.

Fuck these interviews. Fml.

FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me

*opens camera*
*permission popup asking for contacts/telephone permissions*

*installs Open Camera*

Really, fucking phone/contact permissions to take pictures?!

Yeah fuck right off.

Jesus fucking christ.. calm the fuck down!

We are a hosting company.

That means that we host websites and servers.

Hat does NOT mean that we manage your FUCKING APPLICATIONS.

THE NEXT FUCKING PERSON WHO'S GOING TO ASK ME APPLICATION RELATED QUESTIONS OR TRIES TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT REALLY IS A MOTHERFUCKING HOSTING ISSUE IS GOING TO GET A FUCKING FIST IN THEIR EYES.

FUCKING FUCKING FUCK.

YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS

IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.

AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.

AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT

AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO

FUCK THE LOT OF YOU

A client called today because their email wasn't arriving at the receipants inbox but bouncing back with a 'poor MTA rating' error.

Checked about every blacklist I know and our server was definitely not blacklisted. Must be the receipants host which for some reason was blacklisting his specific email address.

Told the client that it wasn't a problem on our side and that he had to request a whitelist himself (we'd do it but it wasn't a specific server problem so we're not going to spend time on that).

Fair enough, he'd do that.

Calls back. "Well, the other party says that your server definitely has a poor rating, it's on your side!!"

Alright, this is getting annoying. Gave him a few blacklist checking sites links and told him to run his domain AND our server IP through it. Indeed came back completely clean.

"But the other party said it's poor rating on your side so I'd think tha........"

YEAH WHY DON'T YOU SHOVE THAT OTHER PARTY UP YOUR FUCKING ASS. I'VE SHOWN YOU PROOF THAT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT ON OUR FUCKING SIDE, EXPLAINED IT TO YOU AND SO ON. MAYBE, FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND, TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THAT THE OTHER PARTY IS FUCKING LYING?!?!?

FUCK OFF.

After it was revealed that the Equifax hack was even bigger yet again, the US government said something that really made me say/think something in the trend of "WHAT the actual FUCK?!"

"This data is in the hands of cyber criminals anyways".

You run the biggest mass surveillance program in the world, sucking up more than a million terabytes every hour, then at least could you PRETEND to care/take interest when the personal data of about all your citizens appears on the Internet?!

Fucking hell.

If my Internet stays at the speed it's at right now, I'm going to start breaking shit veeeeery soon.

Fuck this fucking bullshit, how the fuck am I supposed to fucking work like this?!

10-fucking-kbs, go fucking fuck yourself.

Fuck.

Just had to use Google maps for the first time in ages because nothing else was working.

It displayed a bus stop at a wrong location. I just fucking missed my bus.

Thanks for nothing, Google, go fuck yourself.

This is so fucking, fucking annoying.

Client (through ticket system): here's new nameservers my domain has to use, please enter them thank you!"
Me: you can easily do that yourself! *gives link to extremely fucking easy click-done tutorial*
Client: oh but I'm not technical, could you please do it anyways?

HAVE YOU EVEN FUCKING LOOKED AT THE LINK?!

THIS SHIT HAPPENS EVERY GODDAMN DAY.

Fuck the EU. Fucking puppets. I'm literally going to go and create my own fucking country, i swear to fucking god.

I AM MISSING A FUCKING DIV TAG OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I CANNOT FIND IT. MOTHERFUCKER FUCKING FUCK.

Fuck you XCode ... You are fucking useless!

WHY THE FUCK DOES MACOS NOT HAVE A FUCKING AUDIOMIXER TO CHANGE THE VOLUME OF DIFFERENT FUCKING APPLICATIONS.

WHY DO OPEN SOURCE ALTERNATIVES NOT WORK AND WHY THE FUCKING FUCK WOULD I PAY 10 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR AN AUDIO MIXER.

THANKS FOR THE FUCKING EAR RAPE APPLE.

Although this is gonna sound like bullshit, this happened to me for real. Since that moment I use even more backup services AND I regularly check EVERYTHING.

Had a backup of my important data (still used mainstream services back then) on:

- Hotmail email attachments
- Google Drive
(Both link to another email account).
- A few data backup services
- DVD
- USB
- External HDD.

I wanted to copy some backup data over again:

1. Walk to my staple of HDD's, tried to grab it, somehow missed and knocked the whole fucking pile over. HDD broken.

2. Well fuck, let's go put some of my clothes in the washing machine for clean clothes at study/monday. After this shit being in the washing machine for just a few minutes, I realized my backup USB stick was in one of my pockets, in the washing machine. FUCK. Couldn't stop it so I waited till the end, tried it and well, it wasn't working at all anymore.
Fuck my fucking life slightly right now.

3. *remembers about the backup disc*. I forgot to keep it in its case, very deep scratches and so on, unreadable. FUCKING FUCK.

4. Right, I still have those online services! *tries to login to all of them (including hotmail/gdrive) but forgot the password. Well, let's login to my backup account then (hadn't used that one in years). Account was suspended for some reason.
Started to get really anxious because every online backup service was linked to that email address.
Contacted customer support. They really couldn't restore it because of some issues they weren't allow to tell me. Sorry but I couldn't retain access.

5. Well this is fucked up. Couldn't get into any of the backup/hotmail/gdrive accounts anymore.
I tried contacting their support but never got any replies.

This was the moment I realized I fucked up big fucking time because damn, this stuff at this level hardly happens to anyone.

FUCK.

So I've been looking for a Linux sysadmin job for a while now. I get a lot of rejections daily and I don't mind that because they can give me feedback as for what I am doing wrong. But do you know what really FUCKING grinds my FUCKING gears?

BEING REJECTED BASED ON LEVEL OF EDUCATION/NOT HAVING CERTIFICATIONS FOR CERTAIN STUFF. Yes, I get that you can't blindly hire anyone and that you have to filter people out but at least LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING SKILLSET.

I did MBO level (the highest sub level though) as study which is considered to be the lowest education level in my country. lowest education level meaning that it's mostly focused on learning through doing things rather than just learning theory.

Why the actual FUCK is that, for some fucking reason, supposed to be a 'lower level' than HBO or Uni? (low to high in my country: MBO, HBO, Uni). Just because I learn better by doing shit instead of solely focusing on the theory and not doing much else does NOT FUCKING MEAN THAT I AM DUMBER OR LESS EDUCATED ON A SUBJECT.

So in the last couple of months, I've literally had rejections with reasons like
- 'Sorry but we require HBO level as people with this level can analyze stuff better in general which is required for this job.'. - Well then go fuck yourself. Just because I have a lower level of education doesn't FUCKING mean that I can't analyze shit at a 'lower level' than people who've done HBO.

- 'You don't seem to have a certificate for linux server management so it's a no go, sorry!' - Kindly go FUCK yourself. Give me a couple of barebones Debian servers and let me install a whole setup including load balancers, proxies if fucking neccesary, firewalls, web servers, FUCKING Samba servers, YOU FUCKING NAME IT. YES, I CAN DO THAT BUT SOLELY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THAT FUCKING CERTIFICATE APPEARANTLY MEANS THAT I AM TOO INCOMPETENT TO DO THAT?! Yes. I get that you have to filter shit but GUESS WHAT. IT'S RIGHT THERE IN MY FUCKING RESUME.

- 'Sorry but due to this role being related to cyber security, we can't hire anyone lower than HBO.' - OH SO YOUR LEVEL OF EDUCATION DEFINES HOW GOOD YOU ARE/CAN BE AT CYBER SECURITY RELATED STUFF? ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING RETARDED? I HAVE BEEN DOING SHIT RELATED TO CYBER SECURITY SINCE I WAS 14-15 FUCKiNG YEARS OLD. I AM FAMILIAR WITH LOADS OF TOOLS/HACKING TECHNIQUES/PENTESTING/DEFENSIVE/OFFENSIVE SECURITY AND SO ON AND YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT I NEED A HIGHER LEVEL OF FUCKING EDUCATION?!?!? GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF.

And I can go on like this for a while. I wish some companies I come across would actually look at skills instead of (only) study levels and certifications. Those other companies can go FUCK THEMSELVES.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CUSTOMIZABLE, HALF-MODULAR, MULTILINGUAL, DYNAMICALLY-AUTOUPDATING PAINTBRUSH / CARPENTER / SANDWICH CUTTER / ALARM CLOCK DECEPTICON WITH OPTIONAL SCREWDRIVER ATTACHMENT!

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SIMPLE FUCKING SCREWDRIVER!

FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING EXISTENCE YOU USELESS FUCK!

Fucking hate it when a website asks for feedback when I just fucking went to their homepage. Fuck you.

So WhatsApp introduced number linking (with facebook) to its users a while ago.

I know a lot of people who opted out (this option was introduced by facebook because of european laws) because they didn't want their number linked. They said that it infringed their privacy (or however the fuck you spell that).

A few months later we found out that that checkbox thingy didn't do anything and facebook would link everything anyways. They got a 10 million euro fine I thought.

I found one thingy very disturbing though. Told some friends about the ability to opt out (when the scandal hadn't happened yet) and they did right away.

Then later on the scandal became public.

Told them about that.

'Oh but I don't have anything to hide, it's alright!'.

Jesus fucking christ how deep can people sink?! First you say that you opt out because you don't want your fucking data linked and when the fucking scandal gets public you act like everything is fine because 'you have nothing to hide anyways'.

Fucking hell.

FUCK YOU PHP

WHAT DO YOU MEAN INVALID CREDENTIALS.
I JUST LOGGED IN WITH THEM ON YOUR SHITTY FUCKING WEBSITE YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT PIECE OF WANK.
FUCK YOU YOU ARE THE WORST FUCKING CREDENTIALS SYSTEM I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN; AND I'VE USED YAHOO

FUCKING FUCKING FUCK.

Just needed to get that the FUCK out.

Fuck Windows server. Fucking fuck it. How fucking difficult can it be to create a fucking backup. Motherfucking fuckity fuck fucking fuck fuck fuck.

People who say something isn't working and ask us to investigate.

Alright, it's not on our side, go ask support at {differentcompany}.

*presents actual proof*

Client replies: oh but I asked the other side and they send over this proof *shows proof saying that its not on our side but very technical so the client doesn't understand* so it's definitely on your side!!!!!!

This annoys the living fucking hell out of me, FUCKING FUCK.

😡

Fucking piece of shit forum won't let me view a fucking jpg file without creating a fucking account. Fuck you.

Stackoverflow is fucking blocked from my company's internet. Fuck.

Thanks PHP for being the shittiest shit ever.

Sincerely,

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING FUCK FUCKSHIT

Was thinking of a name for my currently biggest project and thought of a funny one, took the first letter of each word and started to use that to refer to the project, was thinking about domain names and such already etc.

Just wrote it down and I suddenly noticed:

ONE OF THE LETTERS IN THE SHORTCUT ISN'T CORRECT.

How the fuck did I miss that for fucking weeks?! It's not like it's a difficult sentence/set of words or anything.

I'm so fucking glad I didn't register domains or shit yet.

How. In. The. Living. Hell.

I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.

Fuck this fucking sql error for the past 2,5 fucking hours.

I'm so fucking done with this bullshit.

Why the fuck do all these good fucking companies need that proven fucking 3 years of work fucking experience to join? You gotta fucking start somewhere

Fuck fucking fuck just spent hours and hours looking why I was getting a fatal error. I overlooked a missing bracket in an SQL query. MOTHERFUCKING FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

FUCK WORDPRESS

FUCKING FUCK THIS GODFORSAKEN CMS

FUCK THE GUY WHO USED PLUGINS WHO BREAK WHEN I TRY TO UPGRADE FROM PHP 5 TO PHP 7

FUCK THE THEME BUILDER WHICH WON'T WORK UNLESS I SWITCH TO PHP 7

FUCK THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE WHICH DEPENDS ON A PHP VERSION THAT HAS REACHED END OF LIFE ONE FUCKING YEAR AGO

FUCK THE OLD PEOPLE THAT ADMINISTER IT, AND DON'T WANT TO LEARN HOW TO USE NEW PLUGINS AND KEEP USING THE OLD, BROKEN AND UN-MAINTAINABLE ONES

special mention: fuck this one fucking plugin who claims to implement paypal when it doesn't actually work, and the 2 fucking thousand of JQuery lines I have to go through to fix it

FUCK THE WORDPRESS ECOSYSTEM AND FUCK THE FUCKING ONE CLICK DEPLOYMENT LIES OH YES WITH WITH BITNAMI OFFERS YOU SHIT AND FUCK YOU FUCKK YOUUUU SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU MADE ME AN ANGRY AND SICK FUCK.

FUCK THIS GOD DAMN ESSAY I DON'T WANT TO WRITE 2500 FUCKING WORDS ABOUT SHITTY SCRUM OR SOME OTHER BULLSHIT. WHY DO I HAVE TO WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT THIS SHIT WHEN I SHOULD BE CODING. FUCK ESSAYS FUCK ESSAYS FUCK ESSAYS!!

Fuck fucking timezones!

Fucking Jira!

You fucking piece of fucking shit. You're about as useful as a nacho cheese enema.

Fuck Atlassian, fuck Jira, fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck CNET.

1 o'clock at night. Clicked a link to CNET and the fucking shit started to play a random fucking video in their sidebar with volume amplified to 200%. I'm blocking this shit via hosts right now.

Fuck XML.

Just... Fuck it, i'm fucking done.

!dev
It's one of those nights again. It's so hot that I'm constantly sweating my fucking ass off and its near impossible to ventilate here. Fucking irritated for some fucking reason and questioning all my fucking life and work decisions yet again.

I don't fucking need this right now. Have to get up in 6 hours but oh boy is this going to be a long night.

FUUUCK I HATE FUCKING WORDPRESS AND PHP!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I didnt change anyfuckingthing and everything went to shit! FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING FUUUUUCK!

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????

JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!

FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!

"Your every second word is 'fuck', you really should watch out for that."

Fucking give me a fucking client who doesnt fucking call me at 6am fucking saturday and ill fucking stop swearing.

Fuck today. Just fucking fuck today. Every fucking thing is going wrong.

A router reset might work for the Internet part buuuuuut there's 4 rooms on this router so i can't really do that until tonight - the end of the fucking weekend, exactly!

FUCKING FUCK JAVASCRIPT AND IT'S FUCKING 10000 DEVDEPENDENCIES.

LET ME FUCKING CODE AND WRITE TESTS AND NOT SPEND FUCKING ONE FUCKITY FUCK WEEK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FUCKING MAKE MOCHA AND KARMA PLAY WITH FUCKING ES6 CODE YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD PIECE OF SHIT TECH.

I NO LONGER FUCKING KNOW WHICH PACKAGES I FUCKING NEED AND WHICH I FUCKING DON'T FUCKING DUMBFUCK FUCKWIT OPEN AND HACKABLE MY BROWN ASS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY STACK.

Fuck that fucking company three way while dozens of homeless HIV crack junkies puke and shit their diarrhea on the three bosses!

I can't put it in words how stupid they are!

Let me try to tell you the latest story while I try not to get multiple strokes.

Backstory: We are three devs, all with a TCCI certification. One has been working for us for almost a year, the other one has been working for us since one and a half year. Both are good friends of mine, btw. I have been working there for almost three years.

Fortunately, I am allowed to work on a reasonable computer. The other devs work on PC's with Windows 7 and 8!

One has just 400 MB space left on his drive and has to delete every month some shit because he does not want to be able to call up websites anymore... How awful?!

The PC of the other great Dev Crashes three to six times a day and needs about 30 minutes to start up!

We can be so productive, but...

We told that in February one of our bosses and asked him to buy new hardware. His answer: yes, of course, I understand that, it's my turn (he always says that "ich bin da dran")

We got a new colleague in the middle of this fucking month. She is responsible for conception.

She works on an old notebook, but today she gets a fucking new PC to work on while the devs are trying to weld with a sparkler! Better hardware than every other Dev PC!!!

Guess what? She is the daughter of a friend of one of our bosses!

We are the only devs at this company.

Fuck that fucking company! Fuck that fucking bosses!

I think we don't go to work for that fucking company anymore!

FUCKING TELEGRAM FUCK YOU STAY IN YOUR FUCKING API DOCUMENTATION AND STOP FUCKING TESTING YOUR SHIT ON A PRODUCTION SYSTEM WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT FUCK OFF WHY AM I EVEN DEVELOPING SHIT FOR YOUR PLATFORM ANYMORE WHEN FOLLOWING YOUR DOCUMENTATION LEADS TO FUCKING ERRORS AND WE HAVE TO DECOMPILE AND REVERSE ENGINEER YOUR FUCKING "OPEN SOURCE" APPS BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN BOTHER TO FUCKING UPDATE THE SOURCE CODE ONCE A YEAR WHAT THE FUCK

Thank you for your attention

Fucking recruiters can fuck right off.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FOR FUCK SAKES!
FUCKING GODDAMN FUCK SHIT CUNT FUCK!

no reasons needed... that's my rant

I'm fixing a security exploit, and it's a goddamn mountain of fuckups.

First, some idiot (read: the legendary dev himself) decided to use a gem to do some basic fucking searching instead of writing a simple fucking query.

Second, security ... didn't just drop the ball, they shit on it and flushed it down the toilet. The gem in question allows users to search by FUCKING EVERYTHING on EVERY FUCKING TABLE IN THE DB using really nice tools, actually, that let you do fancy things like traverse all the internal associations to find the users table, then list all users whose password reset hashes begin with "a" then "ab" then "abc" ... Want to steal an account? Hell, want to automate stealing all accounts? Only takes a few hundred requests apiece! Oooh, there's CC data, too, and its encryption keys!

Third, the gem does actually allow whitelisting associations, methods, etc. but ... well, the documentation actually recommends against it for whatever fucking reason, and that whitelisting is about as fine-grained as a club. You wanna restrict it to accessing the "name" column, but it needs to access both the "site" and "user" tables? Cool, users can now access site.name AND user.name... which is PII and totally leads to hefty fines. Thanks!

Fourth. If the gem can't access something thanks to the whitelist, it doesn't catch the exception and give you a useful error message or anything, no way. It just throws NoMethodErrors because fuck you. Good luck figuring out what they mean, especially if you have no idea you're even using the fucking thing.

Fifth. Thanks to the follower mentality prevalent in this hellhole, this shit is now used in a lot of places (and all indirectly!) so there's no searching for uses. Once I banhammer everything... well, loads of shit is going to break, and I won't have a fucking clue where because very few of these brainless sheep write decent test coverage (or even fucking write view tests), so I'll be doing tons of manual fucking testing. Oh, and I only have a week to finish everything, because fucking of course.

So, in summary. The stupid and lazy (and legendary!) dev fucked up. The stupid gem's author fucked up, and kept fucking up. The stupid devs followed the first fuckup's lead and repeated his fuck up, and fucked up on their own some more. It's fuckups all the fucking way down.

FUCK JOOMLA, SERIOUSLY FUCK IT. HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE TO REMOVE ONE FUCKING ITEM?! FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK

Get this, at college we were told to use PHP7 for development right? All good, PHP7 is awesome and all, so we have to make a big project for college and put it on the school's server... now here's the pickle...

THEIR SERVER RUNS FUCKING PHP5.X

WTF!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? DON'T FUCKING TELL US WE SHOULD USE PHP7 AND THEN DON'T SUPPORT PHP7 FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.

Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED

blockchain.
blockchain?
blockchain!

Why THE FUCK does a game of poker need fucking blockchain?

FUCK.

Fuck university. Fuck this fucking group project. Verfickte Scheiße ey.

I REALLY FUCKING HATE PRESENTING I ALWAYS FUCKING GETTING NERVOUS IN FRONT FUCK THAAAAAAAT SHIT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking shit fuck! Absolute cunty-chops of a Work phone just went off at 3am because our directory has clearly been leaked.

This cunt right here is on 24/7 fallout so I can nae silence the bastard. It’s going inte do not disturb for the evening now but.

About 6 months to a year ago we started getting nuisance calls on the cunts. On floated numbers that seem geographically close.

Work have done fuck all in this time, because considering changing ours is a pain in the dick, and costs.

But tonight at 3am I got another; call, immediate hang up on redial.

This wee iPhone prick is looking at me like “ho! Got ya ye fucker”... it’s lucky it’s not been punted out the winde where it belongs. Little fucking prick.

If I look like shit tomorrow at the office, if any prick decides to mention I look tired, I’m gonnae tear the ballbags a new hole between their baws and their arse.

It’s now 4am, sorry fe the language, my Glaswegian heritage shines through at this time in the morning.

Recently, Comcast limited my bandwidth to 1TB. I'd be upset, but my service is so slow I don't think I could use it all in just a month!

I was lurking on devrant since about a month. Never feel like ranting 'til now.

FUCKING TORRENT THAT STOPS AT 99.8%!!!!! WHY FUCKING SHIT WHY FUCK THIS FUCKING BUG I HATE YOU TORRENT I HATE YOU!!!! 😠😠😠😠 FUCK!

Sometimes i fucking hate my job.

Fuck

Fuck you and your fucking controlled smoothened scrolling on a website. Annoying piece of fuck

FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?

LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP

SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT

ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME

GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.

FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?

FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY

Fuck you you stupid fucking cock sucking power company.

I was fucking in the middle of optimising a class and the power goes out.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
Why didn’t I press save 😂

Now to go find me a UPS for the rare times this occurs, before my phone dies.

FUCK! It's so FUCKING HOT. GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT. EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH MORE FUCKING ANNOYING IN THE HEAT. COUPLE THAT WITH THE FACT THAT I SUCK ASS AT EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO AND I SNAP AT THE SLIGHTEST THING. I NEED THAT FUCKING DEVRANT STRESS BALL, BEFORE I THROW MY SHITTY BOOK ACROSS THE ROOM, FOLLOWED BY MY CONTROLLER, MY LAPTOP, AND MY DESK SOON AFTER.

Fuck.

Fuck debugging 20 years old code in fucking assembly !!

What the fuck

Whoever designed the McD's website for India is a fucking moron! Who the fuck adds the fucking CVV number as a hidden fucking *integer*?

Can't fucking write a CVV that starts with 0! Had to shell out fucking cash!

Who the fuck ever developed and fucking tested it were probably high AF and fucked up in the head at the same fucking time!

Fuck big tech companies. Fuck their surveillance capitalism. Fuck their monopolies and anti-competitive bullshit. Fuck their tax dodging. Fuck their fighting against the right to repair. Fuck their worship of revenue above all else. Fuck their 30% cut on everything. Fuck their world-destroying revenue models built on heartless AI and zero customer service. Fuck their automated banning systems with zero explanation as to why the fuck they've banned you, with zero fucking recourse. Fuck their amoral psychopathic CEOs and their fucking space rockets. Fuck all this shit. When I'm done with this IT project I'm fucking done with tech.

Okay I'm done now.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

NOTHING, FUCKING NOTHING IS WORKING SINCE I MADE THIS FUCKING UPDATE

FUCK YOU WINDOWS, FUCK YOU MICROSOFT

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME JASMINE
FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK FUCKETY FUCK
FML

Holy fuck nvidia. Why the fuck you want me to login to your fucking app in order to download a fucking driver. You also want me to click a fucking link that you sent to my email for verification on every fucking login? Why on earth someone would stole my fucking nvidia account? To see which drivers I use? What the fuck nvidia? Oh wait. DO YOU DARE ASK ME TO SETUP TWO FACTOR AUTH TO SECURE MY ACCOUNT?!? What the fuck? Even if I put my credentials online no one would care to login my fucking nvidia account. Just let me download my fucking driver!

Programming made me fucking fat as fuck.

I went to Holmes Place after a 2 month no gym period to get counseling.

I have a whoppin 25% body fat and it makes me fucking depressed.

Fuck sitting in front of computers and programming for hours. Fuck snacks and fuck stayibg up late. That shit is bad for you.

I am fucking tired of seeing almost every rant here containing the word "fuck" or "fucking".

GO FUCK YOURSELF BY A CRAZY PONY SAFARI !
Fucking useless browser that hide by default the fucking dev tools.
And also it fucking supports flexbox but can't fucking calculate height 100%.
Fucking fuckitty fuck.
Have your website with a shitty ui then. Might as well do a popup saying "switch browser" cause even IE manage to understand height:100%.

You know a company is ripping you off when they charge £79 for a fucking charger and it breaks in 1 year. Fuck you Apple

Fuck you Windows 10 and your fucking mandatory updates that fuckes up every fucking time! Fuck you and your fucking inability to update beyond 71 fucking percent! This is the last fucking time you waste my time, your fucking out! Fuck you!!!

FUCK OPEN OFFICE ENVIRONMENTS
FUCKING GOD DAMN

Today I woke up on a beautiful day, feeling well rested. Then I remember PHP is a thing and it all went to shit. FUCK YOU, FUCK SHIT FUCK

Fucking CSS the fuck you are so stubborn you fucking son of a bitch. Fuck you…....….…

WHY THE FUCK! WHY THE FUCKING FUCK! DO I HAVE TO WAIT 3 FUCKING DAYS TO GET A FUCKING VIDEO RENDERED! i didnt buy a new fucking 2080TI for this! WHY THE FUCK DOES THE CPU RENDER THE FUCKING VIDEO!
I mean, we can do fucking REAL TIME RAY-TRACING! And yet, no fucking idiot came to the Idea, "hmm we could let the GPU its intended purpose and dont use the CPU that much." I MEAN, IT HAPPENED, BUT FUCK IT! FUCK ALL OF THIS! FUCKING 74 HOURS!! FOR AN HOUR CLIP!
(Its 4K tho)
Fuck.

FUCK. OFF. VISUAL. FUCKING. FUCKING. FUCKING. STUDIO.

I fucking nailed my c exam.
Had to write C on paper today. Fuck my uni for that. But I think I aced it. I coded C for weeks and hopefully finally payed off.
Fuck coding on paper though. They are just too lazy to make something digital. But man at least let me get some compiler messages. It's not like anyone codes without compiler messages anymore.

Every fucking port is fucking blocked on the fucking piece of shit fucking server. FUCK YOU

Fuck Xcode. Worthless fucking piece of fucking crap.

Never mind to my last rant. I FUCKING ACCIDENTALLY FUCKING NAMED A MYSQL FUCKING GOD FUCKING DAMN FIELD FUCKING DESC FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK FUCK fuck FUCK

DHL? More like, "Du Hurensohn Lieferst ned!"
Seriously! Fuck DHL so fucking hard! Why the FUCK can you deliver 2 FUCKING PACKAGES, WHICH REQUIRE SIGNING, INFRONT OF MY FUCKING ENTRANCE!! But not, A FUCKING 3rd one! LIKE SERIOUSLY! I WAS AT FUCKING HOME THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY! THEN I RECIEVE AN EMAIL THAT THE FUCKING PACKAGE "couldnt be delivered because I wasnt at home" YEAH FUCK YOU! 2 INFRONT OF MY FUCKING DOOR! and then... I see him... that fucking DHL guy, with my package, going INTO HIS FUCKING SHITASS DHL CAR, AND DRIVING OFF!
I literally just wanted to open the window and scream "HEY DHL, MEIN SCHEISS PACKET! WO ISSET!?" but I didnt...

FUCK THESE COCKSUCKERS FROM DHL! I HAVE A FUCKING LOUD DOORBELL! RING THAT THING! THERES A BUTTON WITH MY NAME NEXT TO IT!

Oh fuck... OH FUCKING FUCK OF FUCKS!

So, I made an interview and recorded it with Audacity...

Stupid me only stopped the recording and closed it...

WITHOUT SAVING! I DIDNT FUCKING SAVE THE FUCKING RECORDING! FUCK!

I DIDNT SAVE HALF AN HOUR OF AUDIO! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN! IT DIDNT EVEN ASK ME TO FUCKING SAVE IT!
or was it??

FUCK NOW IM PARANOID!

there's this club at my school, called STEM, and another called "science olympiad." both are pretty cringey, bad, or boring. science olympiad was just for the college credit. during the intro to the club, they said there was a coding section. "game on!" is what they dubbed it as, where basically you're timed to make a game in scratch. i'm fucking tired of it. why is scratch considered programming? don't get me wrong, i'll write an OS in PHP before i say code.org is better than scratch, but fuck it. its a fucking interpreted language that's interpreted by another interpreted language. i don't understand why this shit is still used. scratch isn't good. please codecademy or w3schools or just write in binary directly, but not scratch. my hand hurts from dragging and dropping, my eyes hurt from the light theme, my imaginary cat committed suicide after learning about scratch's mascot. fuck it. now onto stem club, fuck it too. not for being bad (well, kinda), but for not being more recognized. it should be above science olympiad, and other clubs because you actually have to think instead of just memorize. but alas, we still were offered the choice of scratch to program the robot. sigh. arduino much? i guess not. challenging much? nope. was i elected "leader"? with three of my friends out of the eight there, i could have been, but no. effort in this would be depressing.

Fuck, fucking fuck!!!

Sorry, needed to vent. That’s what this place is for right?

My rants have been too long lately. Have some distilled ire instead.

Fuck computer gremlins.
Fuck non-deterministic BS.
Fuck shit working the third fucking time I try it with no changes in between.
Fuck MojoJojoing
Fuck ExecJS laoding only half the time
Fuck RubyMine for fucking up seven times a fucking day.
And fuck this dev environment!
I just want to fucking work!

adfjlkasdly

FUCK
FUCKING BULLSHIT!
WHY THE FUCK DID I UPDATE MY RASPBERRY PI! FUCK, I CANT SSH INTO IT ANYMORE! ITS BOOTED AND THE FUCKING PI HOLE PROGRAMM WORKS BUT I CANT ACCESS IT TO SEE IF EVERYTHING IS FUCKING FINDE (which it totally isn't) FFFFFFFF

Fucking fuck fuckity keyboard autocorrect on windows (and on osx): NO FUCKING THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, STOP FUCKING AROUND WHILE I WRITE

I turned off fucking autocorrection on windows 10, I write an email in french, and every word that has a similar spelling in english gets autocorrected FUCK YOU OUTLOOK, FUCKING RESPECT MY FUCKING SETTINGS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CODED SHIT PILE OF SHITWARE

So much time lost correcting and recorrecting.

Oh, also: a phone is a fucking phone, a computer is a fucking computer, not the same device, not the same behaviours, fucking get that you fucking companies

So I wanted to update my visual studio. Turns out I cant because WPF (Apparently the Installers uses it) has a problem with broken fonts.
Okay. No problem I thought. I uninstalled all 720 fonts and re-registered them, filtering out the 3 broken ones. Checked the time-stamp as suggested. Everything fine. Had to reboot. (Of curse.)
Rechecked the fonts, reports as okay. Tried to start the installer BUT THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SOFTWARE CRASHES ON ME AGAIN WITH THE SAME FOCKING ERROR. IT DOESN'T EVENT WANT TO FUCKING TELL ME WHICH FUCKING FONT IS THE PROBLEM. I CHECKED EVERYYYY SINGLE FUCKING FONT. NOT THAT THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY TO FUCKING CATCH A FUCKING FUCKER EXCEPTION IN THIS FUCKING WORLD. I mean seriously. Why would you crash on a font THAT YOU DON'T EVEN USE IN YOUR FUCKING FUCK PROGRAMM TO INSTALL YOUR FUCKING PICE OF SHIT SOFTWARE.
But, IT GETS WORSE. TURNS OUT MICKY FUCKING SOFT KNOWS ABOUT THIS FUCKING BUG SINCE TWO-FUCKING-THOUSAND-FOURTEEN.
And they didn't fixed it. Nooooooooo. THEY FUCKING WROTE A FUCKING WORKAROUND THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORKKKKKK AND KEEP PUTTING THIS FUCKING BUG IN EVERY FUCKING INSTALLER SINCE THEN.
Can you tell I'm pissed? YES? GOOOOOOD. BECAUSE I FUCKING AM.
MICKYSOFT CAN GO AND SUCK A FUCKING APPROPRIATE THING TO SUCK IN THIS FUCKING SITUATION.
THE BEST? THEY EVEN FUCKING DARE TO ASK ABOUT MY FUCKING FEEDBACK. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GET MY FUCKING FEEDBACK. TOGETHER WITH A FUCKING BAG FULL OF FUCKING SHIT TO YOUR FUCKING HQ
CAN I HAVE A FUCKING STRESSBALL NOW
</rant>

How come it is so hard to find good developers. Have been doing interviews for a couple of weeks now (for a senior PHP developer role).

First round is me talking about the function and company, asking questions about candidates experience, wishes and we usually end in some tech conversations. Most of the resumes I got are pretty fucking good. I mean, experience with low-level languages, experience with the problems we need to solve here, contributions to open-source, experience in R and MathLab etc etc. On paper they look perfect.

For the second round I give them an assessment which they can do at home on their own machine in their own time. It's not a hard one, just some mathmatical problems they need to solve. A quick google GIVES the answer (no joke!!). But that's OK, I look at their code cleanliness, proper use of commenting so I can determine if they are solo-developers or fit good in a team and if they abstract repeated functions and make sure that they take their work seriously, you know the drill.

It pisses me off that I get BROKEN FUCKING CODE WHICH DOES NOT EVEN RUN and that I get code back which I look at and makes me vomit instantly, I mean, DO YOU EVEN TAKE YOUR PROFESSION SERIOUS? How dare you to ask for 50k the year, a lease-car, extra bonusses AND YOUR FUCKING CODE SPITS OUT COMPLETLY WRONG ANSWERS OR DOES NOT EVEN RUN WHAT THE FUCK DUDE GO BACK TO FROM WHICH EVER HOLE YOU CRAWLED OUT AND STOP WASTING OTHER PEOPLES TIME WITH YOUR FUCKING INCOMPENTENCE...

Being a programmer in a scientific discipline can be infuriating.

using "no one" ="almost no one"
using everyone = "almost everyone"

1. No one knows what even the very idea of good practice is. And everyone refuses to learn. 3k lines of repetitive copy pasted main. 500 lines of plotting method.

2. Raw C-style pointer based array creation. Won't use develope array libraries because what if development stops. FUCKING HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR CODE WHAT IF DEVELOPMENT ON YOUR CODE STOPS. FUCK.

3. LOOP VARIABLES DECLARED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE METHOD WHY.

4. Everyone wants to make modular, independent code. No one wants to use OOP. NOPE. ALL IN ONE FILE. WRITE C++ LIKE A FUCKING PYTHON NOTEBOOK. FUCK.

5. LIBRARIES OH MY GOD PLEASE DO NOT CODE UP YOUR MATRIX MULTIPLICATION. PLEASE DO NOT TRIPLE LOOP IT. NO. THE LINEAR ALGEBRA LIBRARY WILL STAY IN DEVELOPMENT.

6. Please realize that literally not one comment over an 1800 line file does not help anyone.

FUCKING. WHY. WHY ARE WE SCIENTISTS SO GOOD AT SCIENCE AND SO FUCKING SHIT AT THE CODE THAT MAKES OUR SCIENCE HAPPEN. WHY. FUCKING. WHY. FUCK.

Fuck this fucking docker bullshit allready

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck the buffer, fuck AES, fuck crypto, fuck node-forge, fuck IV and browsers, once I am done with this fucking cryptographic wrapper on both client and server, the first person to say decrypt and Javascript in the same sentence in front of me will get their own dick in their ass. The guy that said mixing computer and crypto was a bad idea was fucking right

Purple, Ahh yes, the nice colour purple... dont you love looking at something and thinking, "Wow, thats some nice purple"

well, I fucking dont, fuck that piece of shit colour, I FUCKING HATE PURPLE, why?
BECAUSE IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST! FUCK PURPLE, FUCK IT, ITS FUCKING BLUE! THERE IS NO FUCKING PURPLE!

WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST! THERE IS BLUE AND RED, BUT. THERE. IS. NO. FUCKING. PURPLE!

And dont get me started on brown, that nice brown chocolate, these coffee beans...
IF IT WOULDNT LOOK LIKE DARK-GREEN I WOULDNT FUCKING HATE IT! WHY DOES IT EVEN EXIST!

(if your wondering, yes. I have a red-green colour deficiency)

a haiku about xaml:

oh my fuck, please work
fuck two way data binding
fucking microsoft

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking python interpreter versions !

I feel better now.

I don't fucking believe it! Who the fuck navigates on right click!? Invision, you fucking piece of shit! Can't you do one fucking thing right?

Conclusion for this week:
Arrrgggh I worked so fucking long...

Thanks EU, FUCK ARTICLE 13,
FUCK EU, FUCK POLITICIANS, FUCK ALL!

PYTHON WHY THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, HOW AND WHY?!??
FUCKFUCKFUCK

Have I missed something?

Every fucking time I got to geeksforgeeks for an algorithm, it's fucking wrong. Fuck that site.

I REALLY HATE IIS. IT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING PLATFORM. FUCK. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FUCKING ERROR LOGS YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP. FUCKING KILL ME YOU STUPID SERVER ASS BITCH CUNT

Article 13 has been FUCKING PASSED. SHIT SHIT FUCKEDDY FUCK ING FUCK-CHRIST ON A FUCKING FUCK BYCICLE MADE OF FUCKING ARSNIC COVERED LEGO BRICKS WITH PINS INSTEAD OF BUMPS BEING RIDDEN BY THE DECREPIT CORPSES THE EU CALLS A FUCKING GOVERNMENT!!

FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK SHIT AAAAAAAAAARGGGGG!

First chance I get I'm asking for a transfer to America.

!dev

I'm so goddamm fucking tired of this fucking shitty ed sheeran fucking.

Fuck ed sheeran, fuck this bland predictible squared music.

I mean, not him, the music.

Jesus fucking christ, every fucking uber I take this shit ass song is playing.

I heard this song like 50 times already, I'm not even fucking kidding.

This is the musical equivalent of being a passive smoker.

FUCK YOU if your IDE IS TOO FUCKING BAD TO LOAD MY FUCKING 300 LINES C# PROJECT IN FIVE MINUTES WHAT THE FUCK

Fucking fuck

Fuck! I am never gonna get hired again. I fucking suck at live coding. My mind just fucking gets blocked. On simple shit like arrays. I still suck at regular expressions though. Fucking failed Amazon and now wayfare.!!!! Fuck my fucking god dam life.

Fuck Safari
Fuck Apple
Why the fuck do I have to fucking over stress myself to get a simple thing working on your fucking platform.

Company top execs: "We need to optimize our costs and reduce our expenditure by x€ to keep the profit margin at acceptable levels for the shareholders"

YOU ARE PUSHING OUT SHIT PRODUCTS DAY IN AND DAY OUT THAT YOU FUCKING SUITS THINK WILL BE THE NEXT BIG THING BUT NOONE REALLY WANTS OR NEEDS. WE ALREADY HAVE A TON OF THOSE BORN-DEAD SHITCAKES HANGING AROUND ABD NEW ONES ARE ALREADY BEING PREPARED FOR LAUNCH.

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP PRODUCING SHIT AND STICK TO YOUR FUCKING CORE BUSINESS MODEL!!!

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? WE HAVE A ZERG OF OLD FUCKS, WHO ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE FUCKING SMS TO START THE NEXT TECH REVOLUTION, ON OUR PAYROLL. ALL THEY FUCKING DO IS PLAY SUDOKU IN THE KITCHEN AND DISCUSS TECHNIQUES ON HOW TO RAISE GOATS!!!

"NO MONEY TO GIVE A PAYRISE TO DEVELOPERS"? WHY DONT YOU JUST FUCKING GET RID OF THE USELESS DUDES BASICALLY DOING THEIR TENURE AND CLOSE SOME OF THESE FUCKTARDED PRODUCTS THAT 4 PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE FUCKING COMPANY USE BUT NEED A TEAM OF FUCKING 20 TO MAINTAIN! NO!!! THEY WILL NOT BE THE NEXT BIG THING! NO!!! ANYTHING YOU SHITCAKES WHO THINK MOBILE APPS IS THE "NEW EMERGING MARKET" WILL EVER CREATE THE NEXT FUCKING BIG THING!!!!!

STICK TO YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS AND STOP CREATING USELESS SHIT THATS MAADE BY FUCKING USELESS PEOPLE!!!!

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck Azure, Fuck Windows, Fuck Microsoft.

Half ass baked products in the market. Half the time there's no documentation. When there's a documentation it is so bad that it makes me feel like biting my teeth so hard that I am left with fucking pieces of incisors. My blood fucking boils whenever I need to deal with "POWER"shell. Fucking weaklings.

So, I recently switched to DuckDuckGo and my fucking college REDIRECTS THE FUCKING URL TO FUCKING GOOGLE.

FUCK YOU!!!!!

I am a fucking first year student and am doing an internship at a SHIT start-up. I've devoted my FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME into their SHIT iOS app, and the fucking boss is keeping procrastinating to get me that fucking pay cheque. For God's fucking sake that they pay me using the Canadian government's money (CSJP), FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCK YOU

WHAT THE FUCK!!

For a freelance job I searched for a JS function in the HTML document of a Wordpress site that was given to me.

Found it and wanted to get started on the project, but there was something odd about this website (besides it's a Wordpress site). The scrollbar was fucking small and when I scrolled down, all I saw was breaks. An almost endless number of breaks.

Then suddenly There was a line of HTML!! And then another 126 breaks.. :/
(Yeah that's right, I calculated the number of breaks between every line of HTML). This document has 75732 lines of shit.

The whole fucking website loaded in over 20 seconds!! What the fuck is that?!?! The document itself is 258 kB!!

But whatever, I get paid.

Windows not powering off when I press the shutdown button.

Mandatory long rant warning

Oh my fucking god, how many times have I lost my shit because of this fucking bullshit.

When I press the shutdown button, I want you to shut the fuck down you sorry excuse for an operating system.

Me and my friends want to hang out together, so I shut down my PC and walk over to their house, expecting an intense session of doing programming stuff and debating linux distros. Whatever the fuck we do when we get together.

I get to their house and pull out my laptop,, only its hot as fuck. And then I see it: the battery indicator is red. "What the balls?" I think to myself. I open the lid, and guess what?
WINDOWS DIDN'T FUCKING SHUT DOWN, AND IT STAYED ON THE POWERING OFF SCREEN ALL THIS FUCKING TIME. WHAT THE FUCK?
Now, my laptop has a bomb ass battery, so I didn't even bring a charger with me, and now I'm fucking stuck at a programming session with friends without a computer. FUCKING BULLSHIT.

If this was a one time thing, I wouldn't have cared so much, but this happened countless fucking times. Too many.

I would have deleted this cum socket of an operating system months ago if it weren't for the Windows exclusive software I need for school, and now that Steam supports games for linux, Windows has even less of an excuse to stay on my fucking laptop.

Windows is supposed be fucking simple, but linux takes it by a goddamn long shot. When I type "shutdown now" or "poweroff", linux shuts the fuck down, no questions asked. And if I ever need root permissions, I just type "sudo" instead of restarting the fucking program and requesting admin privileges.

Most of the software I use is compatible with both MacOS and Windows, and I already have Ubuntu installed on my laptop, so what do you guys think, should I butcher Windows off of my SSD and give MacOS a try?

Also, what is this magic? Ranting actually calmed me the fuck down... I need to start ranting more.

FUCK MICROSOFT AND FUCK WINDOWS, I WISH I COULD BURN TO FUCKING OBLIVION

Algorithm online tech tests need to get in the fucking bin.

Fuck Codility, fuck Testdome, fuck HackerRank.

This is not how you test developers!

Fuck you ios,storyboad,xibs,xcode. FUCK OFF!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Literally giving me migrane with your fucking ass constraints!! Fuck you xcode for not having a terminal. Ios is utterly bullshit. Has fucking all kind of devices that I have to set constraint. Fuck you macos. You are slower than a snail. How on earth do you take so much time to build!!
Width, height, constraints, my ass! What is this fucking logic bro. Fuck you apple for making so many device of different sizes and then hiring us to set constraints. Warning warning warning oh what a load of crap!
I would rather die than set your fucking ass constraints.

Fucking gnu gettext, fucking .po and .mo files and fuck the fucking poedit. Why in the fucking hell a damn i18n solution used by so many languages doesn't support correctly fucking utf 8 characters in strings inside the code, I mean, WHAT THE FUCK, this is my second day trying to make the fucking Python gettext module to translate the fucking word "está" because I've a fucking big code base programming in Spanish that need to be translated. This is the fucking 2016 and we still have problems with fucking special characters? I mean CMMON

Me: *builds new state machine* Ok this makes adding new instance states easier, should also make enemy AI a million times easier!

Me after trying to do enemy AI: FUCKING CUNT! This system is a piece of fucking shit for AI, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, etc

I think this will be harder than expected bois!

*Eye twitches*

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!

Got drunk during work time because fuck openvpn, fuck anyconnect, and fuck badly designed vpn servers in general.

A fucking pptp connection, man, a fucking pptp.

Go fuck yourself!
I'm on fucking Linux, IE ??

FUCK THESE FUCKING GPDR! FUCK THESE SITES! FUCK EVERY LITTLE COCKSUCKING BASTARD POPUP!
I click DISAGREE ON EVERY FUCKING POPUP! YET THESE BASTARDS SELL MY DATA LIKE EXOTIC BUTTERS! FUCK THEM ALL!

Long story short,

Fuck programmers who call them selves entrepreneurs (pronounced in French), I'm going to entre-preneur my dick in your fucking worthless calculator you piece of camel cum!!!

Dear YouTube,
If you want me to fucking watch your fucking same ad every fucking 2 minutes, I will fucking fuck watch those fucking ads on my fucking TV.

Fed up. Moving to YouTube magisk ad-free module. Fuck off YouTube. Recently you became to greedy.

Fuck off.

when your boss sets the deadline to 5 days from now just to look cool...

What the fuck, accessed it via hidden release page now, but why the fuck would I need to create a fucking account just to download it, fucking lunatics.

PHP + gettext + Windows
Get fucked you ginganormous cockfaced dick wiggle. Get the fucking fucked in your fucking fuck hole. Fucker.

I fucking hate WordPress.
Fucking drag n drop and check boxes.
WHERE IS THE CODE FOR FUCK SAKE?!

Here we go....

At our school we had different industry people come in and talk about whatever they want to.

My last presenation for the day is on 3D modelling in Game Design, and of course we have middle school kids being generally loud and obnoxious.

Some fuckers are being exceptionally obnoxious, and the teachers decided, in their infinite FUCKING wisdom, to stick them in front of a table where Juniors and Seniors are sitting, minding our own buisness.

Of course, the fuckers decided to continue being obnoxious and despite my request to keep it down, and another Senior's direct approach to tell them to shut up, they continue being disruptive.

At one point, a teacher, again using INFINITE FUCKING WISDOM, decided that instead of removing the fuckers from the room, put a Senior in between them, hoping that that would somehow keep them quiet. Yes, the fucking preschool level attempt didn't work.

Eventually a teacher concluded that the fuckers were pissing us off and removed them from the room. Thank fuck.

That feels much better, excuse me as I need to reinstall an OS on my desktop since the Universe seems to fucking hate me today.

This fucking weather. Oh this fucking weather. Neither can you go out, nor can you code. WHY THE FUCK WAS I BORN TO BURN IN THE TROPICS?

Feels like among all the assholes, the Sun likes to screw me the most.
FUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK THIS SHIT. FUCK IT.

FUCK YOU SUN FUCK OFFFFFFFF!! TAKE SOME LIME JUICE AND FUCK YOU BEFORE THE WINTER ARRIVES.

I don't know if this is a problem only in Belgium or also in other countries but while I love Bluetooth for audio playback (headsets, speakers and everything) despite being extremely convoluted as a protocol.. FUCK Bluetooth keyboards.

Several of them I've tried. Several of them, from various brands. Pairing, setting the Belgian keyboard layout (which on that shitty Android 7.0 tablet that I want to use the fucking things with apparently has to be done *every fucking time you connect*, because reasons) all well. Except half the keys don't fucking map properly. A keymap, it doesn't get easier than that! How hard is it to make buttons map to the right keys!? They're literally fucking push buttons on a matrix! Seeing which points in the circuit make contact and sending that off to wherever it needs to go!

And to put the icing on the cake? USB keyboards with the same fucking layout settings work without any problems. So it's extremely likely that it's something in those shitty keyboards' controllers or Bluetooth going full rart on all of them.

Of course, Bluetooth being as convoluted as it is, manufacturers just copy each others' implementations of it if they can.. so there's that.

Can really nobody make a product halfway decent anymore before putting it on the market!?

Another one bites the dust.. JUNK!!! Every single goddamn one of them!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck
I hate forgetting, I spend so much time learning and keep fucking forgetting, wasting time relearning. I hate it that’s stupid

FUCK YOU ACCESS!!! FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!! FUCK YOU DB PROF FOR FORCING IS TO USE THIS FUCKING PEACE OF CRAPWARE!!!
In the time I spent cursing at Microsofts bullshit I could have done the task twice in MySQL and would already have a nice looking fucking UI for this shit. FUCKING HELL.

DEBUGGING ARDUINO IS A FUCKING PAIN WHYYYYY

FUCK THIS PROJECT
FUCK SPI
FUCK I2C
FUCK JTAG
FUCK PROPRIETARY DEBUG HEADERS
FUCK USBTINY
FUCK AVRDUDE

It's not just the fucking money, it's my fucking time. U wanted Polymer but now React?!! Fuck me sideways!

WHY DON'T PEOPLE PUT FUCKING [FRONTEND] AND [BACKEND] LABELS IN THEIR GODDAMN JIRA CARDS

FUCKING FUCK

WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!
My system wont FUCKING POST! IT HAS POWER! IT HAS A CPU! IT HAS A GRAPHICS CARD! AND ALMOST ANY FAN IS FUCKING SPINNING! BUT NO FUCKING POST LED! FUCK THIS!

FUCK IOS PUSH NOTIFICATION THAT IS SO FUCKING UN-FUCKING-RELIA-FUCKING-BLE. YOU MAKE ME CRI AT WORK!

Why is fuck as a fucking word used so fucking often??? In like every other fucking rant on my fucking feed...

Fuck you C++. Fucking Fuck. I hate this vector shit

Fuck Workday! Fuck any company that uses Workday! Fucking stop parsing resume if you’re bad at it! Fucking stop asking to fill the same information in the resume I just uploaded!

"Can I have an app? It's a million dollar idea: you take a picture of yourself and it tells you if you're pregnant or just fat. I don't have any money at the moment but I'm willing to give you 5%, maybe less if my friend wants to join. plus, no ads, and make it a free app so it will be liked alot."

Can you shut the fuck up? do you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about? that's the most fucking ridiculous idea I've ever heard. how the hell would it even work?

Mother fucking candy crush cunts fucking Microsoft FUCK OFF REPEATEDLY REINSTALLING THIS FUCKING SHIT!!! THREE FUCKING TIMES TODAY I HAVE 'UNINSTALLED' THEM. Yet somehow, they keep FUCKING COMING BACK. not updating, haven't even clicked ok to install them, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CONTROL MY PC MØRE THAN I DO! FUCK OFF!

Bought a s8 only to fucking hate it again. FUCKING Bixby i dont fucking need you. FUCK you Samsung. I want Google fucking Assistant you piece of shit.

We are forced to work on weekends because the management and the project manager loves to kiss the ass of our clients. I was even scolded by working from home.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER AND SHOULDER THEIR INCOMPETENCE IN MANAGING THIS FUCKING PROJECT.

Damnit. God Damnit.

Dear Arch Linux Maintainers. Why the fuck are you sending me my password in plaintext?! Not enough: You are sending me my fucking password every fucking month, so i do not forget it, because its important!??!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK! Fucking idiots...

Fuck Google , fuck Android and in particular fuck you PlayStore. What the fucking fuck. Wanted to dowload an App -> please free 120mb on the Phone. Did that. Proceeded to download the App. 2.02mb
How the fuck

FOR THE FUCKING NTH TIME!!!!!!
FUCK YOU THIS TIME!

Like who the fuck uses tables anymore for websites. like Fuck. what the fuck is wrong with this company. then uses InDesign to make the websites and slices the images in Photoshop. this isn't the fucking stone ages. upgrade your shit. fucking design team wanna be responsive but fucking to lazy. so I have deal with their shit. when they complain about fucking image Sizes. I fucking hate this company.

After 10 fucking wasted hours Im still up trying to figure out how to configure the motherfucking IDE to debug the fucking hideous PHP shit fuck code. Fuck PHP right in the ass.

Fucking fuck fuck fuck outdated superiors that know jack shit about how software development works. Dnt even know about git, docker, cloud services. Everything is done on premise with network that is fucking crap and when an app is down "hey why is it down?" ask the fucking server and network admin how the fuck am i supossed to know? i have to create workaround codes when other devs just need to deploy their app and its fucking running as it should be. why the fuck do i need to spend my time debugging Ping timeouts? im a fucking dev. I have done designs, analyze requirements, build frontend, backend, optimize codes, paying attention to security and now i have to fix network problems as well? fuck off

Create Innovation my fucking arse. you just Keep saying that but then wondering "what is this new thing youre trying? its new and different why do that?" because you asked for innovation you fuck. If i copied some other concept its not innovation is it pricks.

Fuck them and all the brown nosers as well.

Fucking fuck!

I think the number 1 reason I hate PHP is not because the language itself is really really really bad; but because it's so easy to google "how to php" and get tons of tutorials (full of shit code) that most of the PHP programmers are bad and have no CS studies whatsoever, resulting in unmantainable tight-coupled pieces of [spaghetti] code that won't even encapsulate any business logic.

Anybody else feeling like changing to a different language a similar reason?

I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.

If you don't know what clearing cache does to the state of the fatherfucking app then why do you fucking clear it? It fucking breaks the flow. Your maggot-infested ass is then coming up with his own explanation why you cleared the fucking cache. If you don't even have a cunt of an idea why we use the app's local storage, why do you fucking do it? You neanderthal rotten piece of sun-baked shit.

Hey, the app was taking to much time to send the request, so I cleared the app data. Now I have to login again and start over. Maybe check your fucking internet connection?

Fuck you. Fuck your cunt of a face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKING FUCK YOU.

My fucking pixel XL just broke. Fuck me, fuck this and fuck every fucking thing

I hope I'm not stuck with this broke ass piece of shit I used to use.

Fuck you YouTube for TV, I can't use the fucking keyboard now... Fucking piece of useless shit...

How the fuck is PARASITE a fucking COMEDY movie?!!

Fuck my life!!! Fuck it right hard!!! My fucking compiler (the one I code) fucking broke down, and i have to put it to competition it two weeks... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck: obviously Iost backup and gitHub doesnt seem like wanting to give me that version back... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck duck!!!!

Father of a monkey-whoring, succulent dick ass fuck, ever heard of minding your own business? I don't care if you are the FUCKING CFO or whatever the fuck you are, don't fuck with the fucking code. Don't try to come up with your own cum-gargling explanation if an HTTP request results in a FUCKING 503.

You goat-fucking piece of cunt-shit of a fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

I'm very short tempered at the moment.

A lot like Dr Cox in Scrubs.

And really ... You mother fucking stupid idiotic developers with your tendency to discuss absolutely everything just to not have to work for a dozen more minutes...

But ok. Let's discuss.

But even that seems to be absolutely impossible for you little shitheads.

Instead of discussing solutions, nooooooooo....

We're grown up developers so we discuss how the baddy manager hurt our lil feelings by saying that we're morons for wasting all the fucking time without coming up with a solution.

Now my lil cry babies, once the baddy manager got your pacifiers so at least once in an hour my migraine finally calms down for not hearing your bitching pathetic lil whiny noises...

Face it. Over the years you collected a huge ton of mother fucking tech debt because no one of you actually took a bit of time to use that empty space in your head to think at least a mu further than the dumb jira task you were given.

And yes. That ends badly.

And yes. As it is now in a state of cluster fuck, guess what. You have to work. You get money for it, remember?

And yes. if you would stop moping and bitching and crying and being a pathetic lil piece of shit, you'd realize we could come up with solutions very fast.

But nooo... Let's talk about our feelings.

And how we are over worked.

And how nothing works.

Cause yes. That will be the hail mary that saves us all.

Let me give u a hint: it's a mother fucking waste of time bitches.

I think it's time I put a pacifier not only in your mouth, but arse too. Maybe it helps overcoming the anal and oral phase of childhood so we can at least have something close to adult talk.

*breathes in*

Gooozfraba.

FUCK YEAH! FUCKING HELL FUCK YEAH! IT FUCKING WORKED! THE FUCKING CODE FINALLY COMPILED PROPERLY!
What happened:
I was trying to use the Adafruit Feather HUZZA esp8266 with the AdafruitHTTPClient Library... and it didnt work... then I downgraded THE FUCKING FIRMWARE FROM 2.5.0 TO 2.4.2 AND THE BLOODY THING COMPILED!

UNREALISTIC FUCKING DEADLINES.
FUCK.

Fuck this fucking day
I fucking hate working with IT,

Apache. You. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit. What. The. Fuck.

Started a new job on Monday. STILL DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE FUCKING SERVERS I NEED TO ANYTHING. Holy fucking shit I'm annoyed. Fuck you corporate bullshit. I already feel like quitting.

FUCKING FUCK I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS

WHY THE GODDAMN ***FUCK*** DOES CINNAMON NOT HAVE DOCS FOR ITS DESKLETS

THE ONLY TUTORIAL RELATED TO IT IS FROM FUCKING 2014

THERES LITERALLY ZERO DOCUMENTATION ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET

HOW ARE PEOPLE MAKING DESKLETS AND APPLETS WITHOUT DOCS

!dev

Theres atleast one fucking bastard that writes comments like "2018?" "2018???", "september 2018?", "still listening in 2019??" in every fucking song video in youtube. Fuck you braindead useless pile of shits! Yes its fucking 2018 and why the fuck you just write it there?? Why the fuck somebody even cares and likes that kind of trash comments?!? Fuck you bunch of wasted human cells. I want to kill all of those fucking fuckwits. STOP FUCKING COMMENTING DateTime.Now.Year IN EVERY FUCKING SONG YOU MOTHERFUCKER CUNTS!

Fuck. I just want to fucking use OpenCV on CLion on Windows. Why the fuck do I need twenty fucking PhD's in quantum rocket science to set up a simple project with Cmake?

During the time I just wasted trying to get the correct library to link properly, I could have rewritten all of Tesla's fucking CV functionality from scratch, but instead here I am spending literal fucking hours googling why the fuck does 'recursive_mutex' not name a fucking type in namespace 'std' on mingw.

Fuck C++ I'm going back to C# where I can literally install OpenCV and all of its fucking dependencies from nuget with ***ONE*** fucking click.

I think the sleep deprived me is finally cracking under the weight of incompetent assholes.

We just launched a major project in some weird cocktail of Agile slapped with MVP and release to the wild in a waterfall, but it was premature, premature in the sense QA hasn't even finished their side of things, but because some fuck with with "manager" in their title decided they have burnt through the budget with incompetence and scrapped an entire element of the project and outsourced just so they could make a shittier version that doesn't even fucking work.

How hard do you want to fail before you will start listening to the people that now have to work around the fucking clock to clean up this horse shit of a mess.

I'm literally arguing over field mapping with multiple 3rd parties, when the fucking requirements state WTF this is suppose to look like. All because they didn't validate or test their own shit.

Why is EVERY FUCKING cock head in this industry a waste of space and cash! Is it really to much to ask for 1 fucking project to fucking go live that actually fucking works where I don't need to work 2 weeks straight (including weekends) after going live just to be sure that what shit does hit the fan isn't going to create a SEV 1 issue...

Sorry, I'm pissed at the incompetence of others I need to deal with on a daily basis. It's not like this field is insanely hard. A little attention to detail and self validation, verification goes a long way. But clearly that's a rarity.

Once this shit is stable and actually works, I'll be pulling out the mop to clean up half this shit just so it actually works.

Oof, I'm getting to old for this bullshit.

fuck..fuck..FUCK..FUCK YOU MANTIS!!!
fuck you and your fucking invalid security token... fucking cunt...
yeah i love extracting my notes from POST data via the browser dev console cause you fucking delete it when hitting the back button...
THANKS FOR NOTHING

Fuck Webdev!

Fuck heroku, fuck precompiling assets, fuck the assets pipeline, fuck fuck fuck fucking piece of shit

It's always fucking file encodings breaking these stupid fucking legacy projects. FUCK

Fuck this I'm going to bed. I'll fix it in the morning it's a little past midnight

School's principle: *is being unclear of what is asked*
Me: *asks lots of questions to try to understand*
SP: *keeps being unclear*
Me: *think I understand, I'll do something that will match with what I'm supposed to do*
-- 2 days before due date --
SP: omg stop it's not that at all
Me: wait wtf you told me that 3 months ago
SP: yOu uNdersdtoOd wHat yOu WaNtEd, tHat'S a ProBlEm yOu rEaLLy nEed To fiX

HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Now I have until monday to write 30 fucking pages of something that keeps making no fucking sense. FUCK !

When your boss decides to adjust the website you've spent 20hours+ on, fucks up several parts of it and then a) Doesn't tell you about it and b) Doesn't even attempt to fix it.

This is why I want to go freelance... And hate people...

FUCK! I've done this a fucking God fucking damn million fucking God fucking damn times fucking before! FUCK! FUUUUCK! FUUUUUUUUUCK!

The best part is that someone is going be paying me once it works............................... FUUUUU K!

Listen, i really understand you want to know how much a certain resource is downloaded/viewed and so on. But what gets on my nerves is to sign up my email address every fucking time i want to see your semi-tech-but-actually-selling-you-a-pile-of-sperm-fermented-shit whitepaper . yes i know there is something called disposable email adresses and such... But if stuff is 'free' as you say you have, then make it available free!

Every time i think 'hey, this is actually relevant to my interests, let me read up more on that...' i hit the fucking 'insert your email for a free download'

Fuck off! Put your fucking form in the pits of hell and seal it in a fucking fucking dome next to fucking research subject akira with 99 fucking layers of fucking nuclear blast proof wall domes! I dont want you to fucking send me your fucking spam mails about every ideafart your sales dept has fired becausz they were high on computer cleaner spray tubes and thought 'let's trick those stupid people into our marketing scheme', go and fucking jump into a barrel of highly concentrated radioactive waste!

The only thing you manage to do for me like that is to fucking close the tab i had a slight interest in and never look back again!

Am i the only one getting angry about this?

Appreciate you clear vision, fucking devs. It sucks for us to be powerless without eyeglasses. Fuck this shit! Fuck it.

Using eclipse after a long while on a work laptop and this fucking piece of shit console window popping the fuck up and my cursor auto switching to it is the fucking shit design of a fucking lunatic from the fourteenth circle of hell, where the eternal punishment in addition to being roasted alive, probably includes being forced to fucking use eclipse.

Did I mention fuck eclipse? Fuck, I don't even care if I did. Fuck eclipse again.

Oh and to add on, if you're thinking of making the very useful suggestion that it's very easy to turn off window focus with just two buttons, then fuck you and the guy who designed that shitty UI fucking button.

FUCK YOU MICROSOFT

Visual studio shouldn't be allowed to fucking exist in its current form, it takes FOREVER TO FUCKING LOAD unresponsive lagging piece of fucking shit. I'd expect such loading times for a modern AAA game but not a fucking so called functional application, holy fucking shit...

Why must everything be so fucking hard using this thing? I need to change default intellisense settings as not to get in my fucking way while learning, after getting more stressed trying to find out how to edit the settings which are listed under TOOLS, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? It should be under edit not fucking tools, editing settings is not a fucking tool you fucking dense cunts. I spend the next 10 minutes looking for intellisense settings only to find you have options for enabled, disabled and default how the fuck does that help anyone?

Firstly it should have its own fucking section since its such a massive bloaty intrusive feature. I should not have to first click C# and then be presented with limited controls.

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, ALT + F4 UNINSTALLED THAT PIECE OF FUCKING SHITE , MILTI BILLION DOLLAR COMPANY WANTS FUCKING MONEY FOR THIS PILE OF SHIT.

Go fuck yourselves.