Never trust a hot chick that tell you "Wow you are a programmer? Tell me about it"
ATTENTION: DON'T TELL HER ABOUT IT

So that's how my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday.. she's a chemist

<?php
$happy="Happy";
$bday="Birthday";
$to="To";
$you="You";
$dear="Dear";
$boyfriend="Joseph";

for($i=0;$i<4;$i++){
if($i!=2)
echo $happy." ".$bday." ".$to." ".$you."<br>";
else
echo $happy." ".$bday." ".$dear." ".$boyfriend."<br>";
}

?>

JSON Bourne!

*dies*

My last night:
- Had nothing much to work on.
- Opened a porn site to spend sometime.
- Clicked on some really good video.
- Realized full screen isn't working on the page.
- Fired up JS console, spent the next 30 minutes trying to get the video part full screen. Failed!
- Opened up Google & navigated through stackoverflow looking for the fix. Still couldn't do it.
- Cursed the website for having a bad design.
- Left the site.

Bad UI = No Fuck.

Cache me if you can

Might sound weird but I pretend somebody is watching me through my own eyes. Somebody I want to impress, or make jealous, of my productivity and skill. Elaborate, but it works.

"I'll go get some more females" sounds very normal when you're in a hardware lab

This should be in every website calculator

True story !!!

every time

I hope I'm not alone getting the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you write some code that is beautiful. I know beautiful is a strange choice of words but I find the efficient simplicity of good code to be beautiful!

I just made a script to fix my company's site! I love programming!

The best prank I ever pulled was on one of my IT teachers.
In 2011, I had an intense OOP JS training and whil ...[read more]

please no more sudo jokes! Enough is enough 😥

I'm 21 today 😦, I'm up at 1 in the morning programming.

I'd still rather be on a PC on my birthday... Though to be far I did go out all weekend with my mates got absolutely hammered... I got punched by a girl in the face (I did nothing I swear) among... Other things

Future holds big things.

Best office prank: I was pretty young and naaive. Senior dev comes to me and says that it would be hilarious to slide a note under the women's bathroom door saying, "I know what you're doing in there". He says that the woman in there will think it's hilarious too. We work with her, she's very funny and laid back, so I go along with it, expecting to get a laugh. A few minutes go by and a different older women enters my cube. She's got the note! She works on the other side of the building so I don't know her too well but I can tell from the look on her face that she's pissed. I'm frozen with fear as my career flashes before my eyes.
I apologise perfusely and try to explain but she's not having it. After a while she goes back to her office not having accepted that it wasn't meant for her and that it was just a joke gone wrong. I spend the next two days apologizing every chance I get, hoping she won't go to HR. She remains stone cold until late on the second day. She couldn't take it anymore as her mouth reluctantly begins to crack a smile. At that point she drops the serious expression on her face and busts out laughing.

It turns out that the three of them planned the whole thing and executed flawlessly. I've never felt so relieved to be the butt of a joke.

you are so far down the debugging train and your git commits start praying to God.

I'm really tired of hearing "hey isn't there a plugin for that"?

Idiot that's the reason your fucking WordPress site has 78 plugins and it runs like shit

when the project manger asks for status on a ticket.
me: what ticket
pm: hold on. (makes ticket). that one.

when I finally get my code to work, no matter how small, I get up and walk around feeling like a boss

When client calls you next day of his website launching public to complain about his site not showing on Google results.

So last night i was dealing with some mysql query issues trying to grab some complex data from a relational database and ended up giving up.

This afternoon i was about half-asleep going to nap, not even thinking about the code and randomly came up with the solution.

A few hours later i made the changes and it works as intended.

Anyone else solve code subconsciously ? 😂😂😁😁

I said "I'll definitely have this feature done by Friday" that was two weeks ago.

when you work from a sample...

I hate programming.
I hate programming.
I hate programming.
IT WORKS!
I love programming.

when it's Friday and you don't feel like doing anything!

Things said at work that would be misunderstood when taken out of context:

Yesterday-
client: "I don't like the D"
Boss: "well what if it's a little d"
Client: "I don't think the size of the D matters, do you think people make decisions on the size of a D"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*

Today-
Boss: "are you working on that sex padding?"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*

I never thought I'd say this, but if I could just have one day where I don't HAVE to open this laptop lid. Just one.

Happens where I work 😂