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Pun of the day
Boss: I heard your colleagues hate dealing with code you wrote. Why?
Me: No comment13 -
(\____/)
( ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)
\╭☞ \╭☞
week 119
@dfox way to convince people for clean their desk
I hope everyone's wife / mom is feeling proud.
ʘ‿ʘ9 -
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.5 -
Best conversation this week:
A: *reporting a visual bug* The text on this page seems to be placed too far to the right, is this intended?
B: No, it's indented.3 -
Friend of mine: why are you always so grammar nazi-ish?
Me: well, it's in my job name...
Friend: ?!?
Me: pro-grammer :P
(Yes, I know that word isn't gramatically correct!)6 -
I was at my uncle's village.
Where getting internet is big thing,very far from main city.
I was talking with one shopkeeper.
I told him ,I am software developer.
He ask me questions that
"How can I improve my business using software?"
To help me figure out situation.
He told me problems he is facing right now.
Accounting/inventory management/contact's with big retailers.
He was so genuinely explaining it.
He don't want next billion dollar startup.
He want to solved his problem.
I am really impressed after that conversation because person who don't know what is excel is talking about ERP software.
I am going to develop that software.
#respect15 -
Client: we need extraordinary website in ordinary price.
Me: ohk *google search* WordPress free theme.13 -
A university that teaches students
C++ without teaching an understanding of memory management is pointerless.6 -
one of my cousin ask me to help him for uploading his ex's private pics and videos on porn websites.
Because her parents are not allowing their marriage and she is not ready to go against family (he is not working anywhere, Jobless)
I simply take screenshots of our chat and send to his ex and her parents.
Hope they will punish him.16 -
once you start using linux on laptop. here is a condition of your mouse.
i don't know when I touched it last time.
20 -
what a irony !
manager using MBP 2017 for browsing and presentation.
graphic designer is working on window xp sp2 dual core.
coreldraw
-_-5 -
"CSS doesn't put the fun in fundamentals. But it can make it bold."
Oh my god, that's so bad is actually good.
Courtesy of Enki.1 -
Told some guy who was parking next to the emergency exit to move his car. He was like "uhm, well, you're not going to have an emergency anyway.."
*fire alarm starts*
Perfect timing ^^5 -
Person: What's more common than
c² = a² + b² ?
Me: Clients saying,
"I know how to do it myself but I just don't have time"
Source : twitter.com2 -
HOD: Hey, Can you conduct web development workshop for Jr.'s?
Me: no issue, Can you share syllabus?
HOD: download from the internet.
Me: cool, So may also be trained them related to GitHub.
HOD: what is GitHub?
Me: -_- nothing its little thing, I will manage.5 -
Weekend plan:
1. I will watch react conf
2. I want to complete vim cheat sheet
3. LFS project is too
4. Netflix
5. ........
...
.
.
Electricity : 😈
Fuck..
😡3 -
my company just paid adobe to use pirated copy of adobe software ,arrested one emp.
Multinational company -_-
listed company -_-
premium product -_-
why the hell they can't pay money to deserve one?
writing this rant on pirated windows.7 -
In another dev community I am:
A: Is somebody here familiar with Blender?
B: Jup, there is one in our kitchen6 -
Best client ever:
Yesterday I meet my new client. He need portfolio website for his logistics business.
So I meet him and explain my previous experience in website development.
After 1hour he gave me advance 50% of total cost.2 -
At the end of a function for getting the machine's MAC address:
return ofTheMAC;
If you don't get this, you're too young.4 -
few years back,I wanted to be become supercar designer or weapon designer.
Due low grade in 12th.I got admission in computer science instead of mechanical.
c was introduced in 1st sem.
Score well in first year.
college offer me to change my field cs -> mechanical
4 year later (now)
2 drop's
1) due to health
2) financial issues
happy to be full stack developer.
still like cars and weapons but choosed cs as my real career.16 -
Weekends be like:
Half day = *thinking* what should I do in weekend
Half day= *thinking in regret* I didn't do anything productive
😂😂😂3 -
Teaching php to noobs....
type in echo 'hello world'
Go to the browser and run the page
Do you hear the echo?6 -
It's 1:20am
Body: let's sleep.
Heart: beer or rum.
Brain: why the hell js is not working as expected?1 -
My last to last companies boss.
He was kernal in INDIAN ARMY.
Once customer call me now start using bad words ,I try to stop my self and trying to be a professional person but he was asshole.
So I start using bad words.
Immediately cut his internet connection and cctv connection everything which was in my hand?
I told him to come office.
He was 45 year person ,I was 19 year boy ,he bring some friends to beat me.
My boss got this news ,he immediately come to office n locked my cabin.
Stand infront of them.
N hold customers collars.
Told him that I don't know your background but I was kernal ,I believe in my employ ,he will never crossed his limit until you crossed your.
If you touch him out of office then I will show my power.
Before that he not even asked me any question.16 -
I was reading devrant.
Obviously I was laughing while reading different rant's.
My curious friend
F: what are you reading? Look's something funny.
M: devrant
F: what?
M: it is developer's community.
F: show
*After reading few rant's*
F: 😪
Nothing interesting
M: don't ask me again about your pc , mobile, software issues
😏3 -
My life was total mess up before this I.e.
Break
Return from death door
Drop in education
Financial unstable
Literally 1.5-2years was worst.
From last 3-5 months
I gave up FB(personal account ,I need it for digital marketing)
Unfollow every entertainment page from Instagram
Join Twitter
Increase activity in devrant
Subscribe to development related content in reddit
New YouTube channel just for learning purpose (never search songs and other stuff on it)
Start reading books like zero to one,think and grow rich....
Biography's of great people's like
Steve jobs
Elon Musk
Shivaji Maharaj
And many more
Stop chatting on stupid topics (hot girls,....)
Attained meditation camp
Start meditation (Vipassana)
Life feels more sorted
Thanks everyone15 -
OS : Tail OS ✓
pass : 16+ ✓
Update password : every 15 days ✓
Mac address : spoofing ✓
Then you realise
Your Aadhar information is in gov DB.
15 -
Mom asked me one question.
How money transfer from one bank to another?
It was longest communication we ever had in few months.
I am happy for that question.
😊😊😊😊6 -
!rant
Many dev ranting that apple is reached $1T by selling stupid connector's...... and other shit.
I am not apple product owner.
But Today I want to salute steve jobs.
A person without college degree,drug addiction,guilt of adopted son,financial issue's without any god father........................
Created one company.
Kicked out from own company.
Joinned again.
developed such policy in company that every one should follow.
took retirement due to cancer and all right's transfer to A Gay CEO.
and
now that company reached $1T.
Really fucking motivational thing.
Nothing is impossible.30 -
Me: *Sends link to mate about netgear vulns because he just bought a netgear thingy*
Mate: Doesn't affect me, I ordered a switch, not a router!
Me: Ohhh so you're going to 'switch' away from routers!
Mate: Ba
Mate: Dum
Mate: I'm not even going to finish this *sigh*
I was enjoying this way too much :P1 -
long message
whatsapp : * scroll *
reply : depend on last line happy sad whatever emoji ,sent same
devrant : *something important ,I must read everything* -
!RANT
my friend who never smoke or drink or relationship to much career oriended.working in multinational company. recently south african petrol company gave offer letter to him.
he was ill from few days.(completed his engineering in civil with 9.1 pointer last year.)
somekind of syndrome found in him. due to which he will not able to walk in 2 years.
he share this information with me. asking me tips,"how to inform my mom dad? I don't wan to face them. I can't do anything for them."
life is fucking unfair with some peoples.1 -
I booked one domain for my client.
Which is mi*****.***
Now he want new domain with following change
Mi*****.***
😑🙄😏😥2 -
This scene is an 8-year-old.
My friend(F) got his first mobile. First featured mobile.
Maximum smartness in that mobile was a snake game and Bluetooth.
So I decided to prank him.
M: Bro do you know this particular model need a network to use Bluetooth?
F: I am not stupid to believe you.
M: I can prove that.
F: K prove me, I will give you treat.
M: ok, turn on your Bluetooth paired it with my Bluetooth.
F: Ok
*start sending him the movie. We were on the train, a train was about to enter the tunnel*
M: When the train will enter a tunnel, We will lose network and sending will fail.
F: ok let's see.
*when a train enters in a tunnel, we shift light to black in meantime for 3-4 sec our eyes feel blindness. so I closed eyes before entering a tunnel and once train enter in the tunnel immediately restart Bluetooth *
M: look sending failed
F: Seriously man, I didn't know that.
M: It's ok bro next time inform me before buying any electronics.
F: sure
M: my treat?
F: Yup
*for next few days, he was thinking that Bluetooth need a network to send files until whole group laugh on him*5 -
Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP. -
Best Hardware support team.
I hope every one of you got such team.
My keyboard was not working properly.
programmer's most used special character ; is auto typing anywhere that is obviously keyboard issue so I called H/W support team.
me: *explained above problem.*
supporter : Ya we know that issue ,YOUR HARD DRIVE IS CORRUPTED. We have 2 option
1) either we can formate your system.
2) We have to change hard drive.
Me thinking : *devrant stuff found*
Me: that is really sad part. How many time you solved such problem?
S: This is my first time in this company ,previously I solved such issue more than 10 time.
Me: you really look smart.
S: thank you,any how I will resolved this issue today.
Me: today I am going earlier but yes we will meet on monday. thank you for quick response.7 -
Well I never! Did you know: C++ is the 'incriment' of C and that C# is C++++ (two + on top of the other two + to make a # sign)1
-
At Starbucks today, ordered a lactose free JavaScript Frappucino. The barista turned out to be a computer science student, I'm pretty sure he spat in my cup.3
-
We as a 15ppl company are contractors for various big agencies, but we're most of the time under NDA. So I guess I'm a "Ghost-Front End Developer".
-
I just earned my first experience with a "MacBook Pro"..
1. Started in safe mode (reboot solved that)
2. Safari crashed..
I see what you mean with innovation.. NOT!4 -
bought one of most trending things domain name.
daily 1m+ hit every day for that keyword.
little confuse
what is next ?4 -
When you run your test suite with 320 assertions in 64 tests and it all passes..
Something is very wrong somewhere x)6 -
Within 20 minutes of posting a question on stack overflow it was down voted - with no explanation. Fucking hate that site5
-
It was at the beginning of my IT apprenticeship, I had no idea about coding in C and our teacher told us to write a "hello world" in C.
.. I wrote:
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 GOTO 101 -
I was amazed by an elderly man on the subway yesterday, he pulled out his tabled and stated reading a book on it. Thinking of that I know way too much younger people who can't even use a computer properly..1
-
Sometimes it's irritating
Workstation in office : windows/Mac
Home : Ubuntu
Virtual machine : fedora
Developing : LFS (just for hobby)
😂😂😂
Still searching for arch and BSD 😂😂8 -
After playing Cities Skylines the whole day:
*tries to change the city in Google maps*
...I'm tired... -
what are your fav songs while coding?
mine:
old bollywood (black and white) songs and instrumental music mostly hariprasad chaurasia's flute.14 -
My last company had a code base originating in the 90's and they still write most parts of the GUI with a library that is a thin layer on top of Win32 API, with a self-rolled "ORM" for DB access (with LOTS of enums) and all that with >2million lines of C++ code. The code includes at least two implementations of std vector and std:list. One of which is even *named* std::vector. Feels good remembering that I have left that behind2
-
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it.6 -
watched first two episodes of mr. robot and it seems pretty good so far. does it go like other hacker shows/movies or does it stay good?10
-
one of our sales manager ask me,
"what so difficult to build ecommerce website, we work more than you because we strugle on field."
I just smile and start walking.6 -
Need suggestion:
I gave interview in small company. They give me task to complete one project then we will give you job.
It takes me 2 weeks.
Now they are ready to give me job but they want that project in free of cost. What should I do?8 -
about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞
-
Devrant freezes when switching to different app then back again. A bit random though, has happened a couple of times but can't reproduce it.4
-
One more startup proposal
And
I accept it
$500
One condition
I will not maintain anything.
Plot twist : it was my toy project
Every week I will show progress.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂6 -
swag link says you need 20 +1's for stickers and 175 +1's for ball from each post. clicking on Learn More it then says you need 15 +1's for stickers and 150 +1's for ball from each post.
How about some stickers for spotting a content issue?1 -
believe me,
when your companies non-technical HOD(marketing), start a discussion with you on topics like Elon Musk and other hot topics in the technical world.
It feels good
2 hours no code just discussion on fav topics.3 -
Very ranty
Very devy
Watch the eclipse! Starting soon
https://eclipse2017.twitter.com
P.S. I heard rumors that devs can control the eclipse by editting eclipse.css in Eclipse6 -
Life can be simplified with code. We're all running on an infinite loop. Eventually, we come across an unexpected bug and crash.2
-
friend : bro which phone may I buy?
me : mi / honor
next day
f : bro are you sure?
m : yup pretty sure ,in your budget this 2 are best phone
after 3-4 day
*call*
f : bro I buy phone.
m : congo , which pne ?
f : oppo f9
o(╥﹏╥)o5 -
May be it is small thing to many people's but as a less experience Developer it is big thing for me.
I AM GOING TO LEAD PROJECT.😊
Ohk project is not so big..3 -
most productive workflow I ever seen.
excel 1 : stock
excel 2 : order
compare stock with order manually 1000+ product.
excel 3 : check history of order generator (shop)
excel 4 : today's price of product + tax
excel 5 : alot specific unit's of product
excel 6 : maintained bill credit/debit
next step : forword to managers for approval
excel 7 : edit's from nanager
process repeat till managers approval
excel 8 : dispatched history
excel 9 : return product (reason's/unit)
excel 10 : stock update return + new product's
and few more excel's
data of 5+ year's
daily 500+ order's
lPO listed company
i have not mentioned account and other stuff
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻2 -
While I sit here working, I find myself confronted by the fact that there is a little willie sitting on a pouf right behind me
4 -
Project Manager: "C++ has become much better for embedded now so we're gonna use it in the new project."
Me: "I didn't C that coming."
I know it's silly but I'm proud of it 🤓1 -
had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back
-
Friend (civil engineer) : bro do you have windows cd?
Me : no but why?
F: I want to format my pc.
M : then buy genuine copy.
F : don't want to waste money in that.
M : then don't cry for lagging windows 😂😂😂
F : do you have any cost efficient way?
M : yes ,but tell me one thing ,why do you need a computer?
F : browser , office , Dropbox ( cad installed in his desk which have genuine windows)
*After 10 minutes of conversation*
F: I will bring laptop , install Ubuntu in it6 -
Callback your functions, not your ex.
Hash is for your data, not you,
Query tables, not your loved ones. -
!rant
hey dev's,
I need help for choosing laptop.
I will need it for deep learning.
DELL G7 7588
config:
pro : i9-8950HK
gpu : GTX 1060
ram : 16 gb ddr4
ssd : 512
hdd : 1TB
your reviews please42 -
one more time, I proud of my team and MD too.
XYZ is our office boy. He completed his BSc IT from 3rd Grade college due to family condition and lack of knowledge, he has to work as an office boy.
So my team decided to teach him web development. We are starting it from very basic. We get total 1:30 hours of a lunch+snack's break so each one of us will give 1-day to teach him but It is not free. We will need good coffee in this deal. Our MD like this idea and promised us that once we gave him a green signal. He can do his first internship here. -
My job in company to developed e-commerce website as a full stack developer.
History of that project.
Company paid 300,000 INR to the local web development firm for developing previous website and they developed website without bootstrap/SSL/Even save information of high profile client in plain text.
I am not angry on that web firm ,I am laughing on my company because such client never trust on independent developers who work hard ,code day and night to complete freelancing projects.
I hope my work will make differnce in their selling. -
Reason to hate my D grade engineering college.
1st lecture of web development.
(Syllabus html,css,PHP)
Expectation : at least teacher will introduce fucking web development technologies.
Reality:
Teacher=> look I don't know anything about PHP so learn from web. I will give you internal marks just submit assignment on time.
😅
Btw it is not story.3 -
just realize, I have not talked face to face with anybody in a whole day
(little conversation on phone and chat)
total of 8 peoples in my office room including me and 30 + in the whole office.
that means either every device working properly in office or it's my luckiest day.4 -
When you changed our SDK folders from your tiny C:\ to your big D:\ but the IDE still downloads huge updates on C:\ first, and you get "not enough disk space" errors1
-
When people are thinking that just by deleting UIDAI number ,their phone is hack free now.🤣🤣
This are same people who installed app from SHAREit , access adult content without proxy n JavaScript off ,access raile net /public net and enter private information.🤣🤣2 -
Unable to access cpanel/whm due to IP changed error.
called HR
me : please connect me to networking team (out sourced)
hr : why ?
me : I have some issue to access cpanel. I contacted to hosting comapny but it is not their fault so may be it's our network issue.
hr : explain me in details.
me : ok
from morning I am trying to access whm because our website is out of bandwidth limit and showing 509 error ,I contacted to hosting comapny but they explained me problem from our side. SO i wanted to talk with network team about this issue because I am not using any proxy or vpn even my tor browser is off too still ip chaged error giving frustation. second reason I am frusted that my public IP and private IP is not chaged.
one more your windows pc freeze 3 times from morning.
do you need in detailed technical reason why I want to talk with them.
hr : no no no *hang up*
after 2 minute *my landline ring*
hr : network engineer on other side.
fair enough2 -
I've read some posts about how bad Windows is lately and I'm just wondering how some can break their installations so bad.. I mean like multiple BSODs just for installing updates, or just don't get their windows to work at all. I've been using win next to Linux(Debian/Ubuntu) for quite some time now and never had those kind of problems, also on pure Windows 7/10 PCs.2
-
Today is bad pun day it seems.
I'm working on a script to automate exporting PST files and Office Interop is being a pain. I tell my colleague @jacoKotze about my current issue and he just says "Maybe you just need a new Outlook on things" -
trying to login fb
username : ...........
pass : ...................
without thinking just type that pass
error changed pass 2 year back
again try to remember same password
:(
unable to remember1 -
jenkins tests passing but travis failing. now travis passing but jenkins failing, aargh!
more beer needed... -
Strangermeet up conversation
Stranger: m22
Me: just sleep bro ,u can't get girl here.
Stranger : can't sleep R8 now, reading quantum computing book.
Me : interesting
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yes we are now friends (#~#) -
Searching new laptop / system on current laptop / system can hurt feelings of it.
It's same as asking gf which is better girl than you 😂😂😂😂2 -
jr.: which os may I used for our syllabus?
me: look every OS has it's own pron and cons .
jr : ohh. still tell me.
me: but linux is superior among them. use ubuntu.4 -
I think we should call python programmers "Montyneers" am I right ?
#For people that don't know what I'm talking about: Python's name originates from Monty Python's flying circus.3 -
when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to) -
in the hospital with surgery and our deployment goes wrong, so glad I work with really good people!3
-
Blockchain Pun
"I don't have time to talk about the blockchain but we can HASH the details later"
😎1 -
Little story.
Manager give me task, Send mail through mail chimp to many groups and schedulled them differntly.
Day1 : it litterly waste my half hour.
Night 1 :create script using Selenium (utilize my 2 hours because It was new for me.)
Day 2 : I am devrant. (script is doing my task)
Manager is also happy that I am doing extra work. -
I turned my computer off. When I came back it said "Reboot: System Halted".
I think my computer has a halting problem. -
I used mint, Ubuntu,Kali but now I want to change my Linux flavour.
My work is mostly on backend development (PHP, MySQL).
Which one may I try next?
(All previous Linux are f9 for me I just want to use new distro)4 -
Hey Devranter's from mumbai
Why not we meet somewhere in Mumbai?
Please tag other ranter's in comment Who are from Mumbai.
@Floydian25 -
I got a very low power Netbook lately for basically no money.
I thought about using it for some server monitoring / server access via ssh console.
Which Linux distros would you recommend for such a use case. Tried Something like core-os and Debian(lxde) yet but wasn't very satisfied with both options. Both could not display the battery capacity and Debian didn't detect the Intel WiFi.
The Netbook has 512mb of ram which should be fine for a lightweight gui and more than enough for a ssh connection 😅
Thanks a lot for the recommendations :)12 -
When commenting it would be nice to see the comment you are commenting against. Often they are long with several points and you can't refer back to it8
-
2 min silence for my friend.
who got contract to edit and make golden frame of "naga baba"
he have to zoom each and every part of naga baba to clear and make render image.
xD XD16 -
I recently removed the PlayStore and other Google apps from my smartphone and got myself fdroid.
Since not all the apps that I'm using are on fdroid I wondered, how to keep those apps up-to-date?3 -
If you're always too busy doing the wrong things the wrong way, you will never have time time to do things right
-
I'm planning to switch from ownCloud to Nextcloud in the next weeks. Does anyone have experience with that or maybe some advice? Aside from creating Backups.7
-
Suggestions for UK conferences please, already going to devoxx, anything devvy would be good, or architecture or web related
-
Does anyone know if it's possible to install a VM (Linux or Windows) on a Linux Server without GUI and then connect to the aforementioned VM via Remote Desktop? If yes, has anyone done it before?4
-
What if a guy who is actually a gay wants to learn R and actually succeeds?
Well, he becomes gRay.2 -
Anybody else get shouted at by partner when you put all heavy stuff at front of conveyer when shopping, or rearrange dishwasher so more things will fit, etc. I thought I was just being logical about these things...1
-
I've searched for this a few times now but can't really find a good solution for my "problem".
I want to update multiple Debian servers / machines at ones or from one machine.
Puppet doesn't seem to support newer versions of Debian and I don't really want to force the updates via cron.
Are there any other ways to do it?1 -
I sadly don't remember who set this up and posted it on devRant (give me a distro) but it seems to be down :/
Would be glad to host it again if needed, I think it is a great idea. ^^
5 -
Has anyone experience with putting Linux on a asus e200ha Netbook? Want to get rid of Windows but I'm concerned about driver availability and battery life.1
-
Work has set us a challenge to build a rock/paper/scissors/dynamite/waterbomb api. We have the spec for what json is expected incoming and outgoing. We are allowed to implement any way we want and with any language we want. We are considering using Clojure but we have no experience with it, hence we will hopefully be learning as we go. Would you recommend using a framework like Pedestal, Hoplon, Luminus, or just use Leiningren or something else?
-
Hi,
I'll be away for one week in a place without any Internet access.
Do you have any suggestions on books / docs I could download for that time?
I'd love to learn some more about web coding in that time so books about that would be great.4 -
Electronjs "framework to developed cross platform desktop application but not able to install in Ubuntu😢"6
-
Feature request: please allow the app to work in landscape and rotate. I can't get to the hamburger menu in bottom right due to broken screen3
-
Opinions please. When end user is not paying for service, who is my customer? For example public facing government project2
-
In client terms, a “3rd party” is akin to Angelina Jolie. Despite the promise that you’ll be able to have an enlightening conversation over a nice meal and hopefully hook up afterwards ... sorry, it ain’t happenin’. You’re just gonna have to fantasize about it while you take care of business yourself.
-
First boss introduced me to VCS., so I PUSHed my self --HARD was very COMMITed, but I still don't GIT it
-
How is your experience with upgrading from Debian 8 to Debian 9? Want to update my homeserver but I really don't want to screw it up. Especially with the switch from MySQL to MariaDB1
-
What's a good inexpensive android phone for development. Something 14 year olds could use without breaking6
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