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Pun of the day
Boss: I heard your colleagues hate dealing with code you wrote. Why?
Me: No comment15 -
(\____/)
( ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)
\╭☞ \╭☞
week 119
@dfox way to convince people for clean their desk
I hope everyone's wife / mom is feeling proud.
ʘ‿ʘ9 -
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.5 -
Best conversation this week:
A: *reporting a visual bug* The text on this page seems to be placed too far to the right, is this intended?
B: No, it's indented.2 -
Friend of mine: why are you always so grammar nazi-ish?
Me: well, it's in my job name...
Friend: ?!?
Me: pro-grammer :P
(Yes, I know that word isn't gramatically correct!)6 -
I was at my uncle's village.
Where getting internet is big thing,very far from main city.
I was talking with one shopkeeper.
I told him ,I am software developer.
He ask me questions that
"How can I improve my business using software?"
To help me figure out situation.
He told me problems he is facing right now.
Accounting/inventory management/contact's with big retailers.
He was so genuinely explaining it.
He don't want next billion dollar startup.
He want to solved his problem.
I am really impressed after that conversation because person who don't know what is excel is talking about ERP software.
I am going to develop that software.
#respect14 -
Client: we need extraordinary website in ordinary price.
Me: ohk *google search* WordPress free theme.12 -
A university that teaches students
C++ without teaching an understanding of memory management is pointerless.5 -
Colleague was doing something with a switch, wasn't working, he went to get another one:
C: hmm, this one isn't working, I'm gonna get another one.
Me: so you're gonna SWITCH them?
C: 😑😬
😅6 -
Dude, FUCK automated bathrooms.
First of all, what the hell is so complicated about making a motion sensing faucet that works? Why does it *need* to be motion sensing? I stand there for 5-10 seconds with my stupid soapy hands extended, waiting for a squirt of the divine liquid.
And then the immediately following experience isn't much better. Motion sensing paper towel dispenser. The first go works fine, but it always dispenses half of what you need to get your grimy paws dry. So you go in for seconds, and it just flat out ignores you. Leaves you on read. You flap your pathetic noodle arms at it again. It isn't happening. Please wait 3-5 business days.
Oh, and god forbid you forget to cover the automatic toilet with a few wasted squares. Lean into a shit ONCE and you've just been prematurely flushed. Your ass is misted with the cold, unforgiving equivalent of an automatic insult.
Asshole design12 -
once you start using linux on laptop. here is a condition of your mouse.
i don't know when I touched it last time.
17 -
"CSS doesn't put the fun in fundamentals. But it can make it bold."
Oh my god, that's so bad is actually good.
Courtesy of Enki.1 -
Told some guy who was parking next to the emergency exit to move his car. He was like "uhm, well, you're not going to have an emergency anyway.."
*fire alarm starts*
Perfect timing ^^5 -
If you are not wasting your 10hours to automate your half hour work then you are not a real programmer.6
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sad but reality
tiktokers create cring content and earn lots of money.
open source contributors create technology which is maintaining world but earn far less.
how can we expect bright future?34 -
How do you call it when production breaks and a programmer has find out what went wrong/fix it as soon as possible while the client is breathing down their neck?
He's going through a rough patch.15 -
So I says to the wife, I says, “When you go to Costco tomorrow, I need a new Oral B electric toothbrush. My old one’s battery is no longer able to hold a charge.” I’m picturing her coming back with one that’s pretty similar to the one I had. You turn it on, you brush your teeth, you turn it off.
She comes back with the Oral B Pro 6000. Go on. Look it up. I’ll wait.
So this thing has about 6 modes and Bluetooth that connects you to an app that not only keeps track of how often you brush, but tracks your performance and gives you trophies if you do well at specific tasks and techniques. And there’s a coach to take you on an “oral health journey” depending on your particular goals. There’s even a mount you can buy to attach your phone to your mirror so the app can watch how you brush and give you pointers. I don’t have the mount so I got an 85% on performance because who can hold a phone pointed perfectly at your face while brushing? The final report had what might be the app dev’s attempt at a pun.
It’s 2019 and everyone is judging you. Why not your toothbrush as well?
22 -
Person: What's more common than
c² = a² + b² ?
Me: Clients saying,
"I know how to do it myself but I just don't have time"
Source : twitter.com2 -
In another dev community I am:
A: Is somebody here familiar with Blender?
B: Jup, there is one in our kitchen6 -
At the end of a function for getting the machine's MAC address:
return ofTheMAC;
If you don't get this, you're too young.4 -
Best client ever:
Yesterday I meet my new client. He need portfolio website for his logistics business.
So I meet him and explain my previous experience in website development.
After 1hour he gave me advance 50% of total cost.1 -
few years back,I wanted to be become supercar designer or weapon designer.
Due low grade in 12th.I got admission in computer science instead of mechanical.
c was introduced in 1st sem.
Score well in first year.
college offer me to change my field cs -> mechanical
4 year later (now)
2 drop's
1) due to health
2) financial issues
happy to be full stack developer.
still like cars and weapons but choosed cs as my real career.16 -
Teaching php to noobs....
type in echo 'hello world'
Go to the browser and run the page
Do you hear the echo?6 -
A typo today has rendered me the joke of the office... 😂
Almond's PR: "Added missing unit testes to classes Foo and Bar"
----
Bob: "LGTM. Bet that took some balls."
Craig: "LGTM. Missing unit testes drive me nuts."
Ian: "LGTM. Write your testes with your code guys, a bit bollocks to have to add them afterwards."2 -
It's 1:20am
Body: let's sleep.
Heart: beer or rum.
Brain: why the hell js is not working as expected?1 -
I got selected for a dev job at a bank and I received a form on email to fill up and come with the hard copy to do the documentation etc.
HR girl: I can't understand what you wrote in the form.
Me: Yeah, I don't usually write things these days with a pen.
HR: So when was the last time you actually wrote anything.
Me: I think it was at a bank. I filled a form.
HR: Nice one!
Me: Oh!5 -
Conversation between my husband and myself.
H: I ordered a game for the switch last week. It was delayed by USPS, and it looks like I got a partial refund due to it being late.
Moi: That's your mail privilege at work.
H: Did you really just make a mail pun? *Snerk*
Moi: This is why we work. ♥️7 -
Me: *Sends link to mate about netgear vulns because he just bought a netgear thingy*
Mate: Doesn't affect me, I ordered a switch, not a router!
Me: Ohhh so you're going to 'switch' away from routers!
Mate: Ba
Mate: Dum
Mate: I'm not even going to finish this *sigh*
I was enjoying this way too much :P1 -
What the fuck man.
Why even I am working with this assholes.
Yesterday,Our technical support guy reinstalled windows(I don't mess up with technical issues because then it will be my part time job,so I show that I don't know anything about hardware).
He installed fucking 32 bit window,He was trying to installed 64 bit version thunderbird.
He wasted my whole day.16 -
When you see what worked for someone else with a similar issue on GitHub and run it.
Trust me, I hope I know what I'm doing too.
1 -
long message
whatsapp : * scroll *
reply : depend on last line happy sad whatever emoji ,sent same
devrant : *something important ,I must read everything* -
client : show website
me: sir server is down
client : what? I don't know,I want to see my website.
me: sir try to understand it is not my issue
client *call cut*
fucking asshole -_-1 -
I booked one domain for my client.
Which is mi*****.***
Now he want new domain with following change
Mi*****.***
😑🙄😏😥2 -
We as a 15ppl company are contractors for various big agencies, but we're most of the time under NDA. So I guess I'm a "Ghost-Front End Developer".
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At Starbucks today, ordered a lactose free JavaScript Frappucino. The barista turned out to be a computer science student, I'm pretty sure he spat in my cup.3
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Well I never! Did you know: C++ is the 'incriment' of C and that C# is C++++ (two + on top of the other two + to make a # sign)1
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Don't scroll here.
Go and live a real life,
Don't make a computer screen as your world,
there is a beautiful world outside of your cave,
Talk with people's face to face,
go
go
go.
Ok enough philosophy, Time to add new shit in current shitty code.
(-_-)7 -
Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP. -
Within 20 minutes of posting a question on stack overflow it was down voted - with no explanation. Fucking hate that site4
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I just earned my first experience with a "MacBook Pro"..
1. Started in safe mode (reboot solved that)
2. Safari crashed..
I see what you mean with innovation.. NOT!4 -
Terrible Dutch (!dev) tech pun I just came up with: (posted it earlier under the rant section but removed it due to that)
Wat moet een AMD CPU doen als'ie op vakantie gaat?
Ryzen.11 -
When you run your test suite with 320 assertions in 64 tests and it all passes..
Something is very wrong somewhere x)6 -
It was at the beginning of my IT apprenticeship, I had no idea about coding in C and our teacher told us to write a "hello world" in C.
.. I wrote:
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 GOTO 101 -
I was amazed by an elderly man on the subway yesterday, he pulled out his tabled and stated reading a book on it. Thinking of that I know way too much younger people who can't even use a computer properly..1
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watched first two episodes of mr. robot and it seems pretty good so far. does it go like other hacker shows/movies or does it stay good?10
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bought one of most trending things domain name.
daily 1m+ hit every day for that keyword.
little confuse
what is next ?4 -
about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞
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After playing Cities Skylines the whole day:
*tries to change the city in Google maps*
...I'm tired... -
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it.6 -
My last company had a code base originating in the 90's and they still write most parts of the GUI with a library that is a thin layer on top of Win32 API, with a self-rolled "ORM" for DB access (with LOTS of enums) and all that with >2million lines of C++ code. The code includes at least two implementations of std vector and std:list. One of which is even *named* std::vector. Feels good remembering that I have left that behind2
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what are your fav songs while coding?
mine:
old bollywood (black and white) songs and instrumental music mostly hariprasad chaurasia's flute.14 -
!dev
Well fuck you Epic Games and Deep Silver!
I was really interested in getting Metro Exodus, but I'm not gonna install that shitty Epic Store!
Fuck off!11 -
Need suggestion:
I gave interview in small company. They give me task to complete one project then we will give you job.
It takes me 2 weeks.
Now they are ready to give me job but they want that project in free of cost. What should I do?7 -
swag link says you need 20 +1's for stickers and 175 +1's for ball from each post. clicking on Learn More it then says you need 15 +1's for stickers and 150 +1's for ball from each post.
How about some stickers for spotting a content issue?1 -
one of our sales manager ask me,
"what so difficult to build ecommerce website, we work more than you because we strugle on field."
I just smile and start walking.6 -
Life can be simplified with code. We're all running on an infinite loop. Eventually, we come across an unexpected bug and crash.2
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Hi, is anyone here playing euro truck simulator 2?
Looking for someone to play the Multiplayer mod with 😊
Preferably a German speaker, since it's my native language 😅2 -
believe me,
when your companies non-technical HOD(marketing), start a discussion with you on topics like Elon Musk and other hot topics in the technical world.
It feels good
2 hours no code just discussion on fav topics.3 -
While I sit here working, I find myself confronted by the fact that there is a little willie sitting on a pouf right behind me
4 -
Used ES6 classes 'cus I really like doing things the classy way..
...nice shit you can do there...
...
FOR FUCKS SAKE WHO THOUGHT IT IS A WICKED IDEA TO SPECIFICALLY NOT IMPLEMENT PRIVATES IN THAT SHIT.7 -
had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back
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confession time:
I am php laravel developer with little knowledge about nodejs.
I got selected by one startup as nodejs developer.
frankly I am not better nodejs developer than my competition who were rejected.
I completed oral interview with my nodejs theory knowledge at a time of technical round , they gave us task to create crud with fantastic front end and nodejs mongo as a back end.
I developed front end in bootstrap but at a time of backend, I just copy paste code from github.
and changed everything variable and other proof to hide reality. in mean time other candidates were actually coding everything then I took time to understand this code and I submitted after few candidates.
in last round they ask me to explain code which I explained properly and I get salary 40k/month INR.
I know it is cheating but I wanted this job badly.6 -
Very ranty
Very devy
Watch the eclipse! Starting soon
https://eclipse2017.twitter.com
P.S. I heard rumors that devs can control the eclipse by editting eclipse.css in Eclipse6 -
May be it is small thing to many people's but as a less experience Developer it is big thing for me.
I AM GOING TO LEAD PROJECT.😊
Ohk project is not so big..3 -
Project Manager: "C++ has become much better for embedded now so we're gonna use it in the new project."
Me: "I didn't C that coming."
I know it's silly but I'm proud of it 🤓 -
Devrant freezes when switching to different app then back again. A bit random though, has happened a couple of times but can't reproduce it.3
-
I've read some posts about how bad Windows is lately and I'm just wondering how some can break their installations so bad.. I mean like multiple BSODs just for installing updates, or just don't get their windows to work at all. I've been using win next to Linux(Debian/Ubuntu) for quite some time now and never had those kind of problems, also on pure Windows 7/10 PCs.2
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jenkins tests passing but travis failing. now travis passing but jenkins failing, aargh!
more beer needed... -
trying to login fb
username : ...........
pass : ...................
without thinking just type that pass
error changed pass 2 year back
again try to remember same password
:(
unable to remember1 -
Reason to hate my D grade engineering college.
1st lecture of web development.
(Syllabus html,css,PHP)
Expectation : at least teacher will introduce fucking web development technologies.
Reality:
Teacher=> look I don't know anything about PHP so learn from web. I will give you internal marks just submit assignment on time.
😅
Btw it is not story.3 -
when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to) -
in the hospital with surgery and our deployment goes wrong, so glad I work with really good people!3
-
Callback your functions, not your ex.
Hash is for your data, not you,
Query tables, not your loved ones. -
I'm thinking on getting keypass as my password manager, since it's open source, can use csv files and works on a bunch of platforms.
Does anyone has experience with using it or can recommend, in their view, some better solutions?9 -
Today is bad pun day it seems.
I'm working on a script to automate exporting PST files and Office Interop is being a pain. I tell my colleague @jacoKotze about my current issue and he just says "Maybe you just need a new Outlook on things" -
I turned my computer off. When I came back it said "Reboot: System Halted".
I think my computer has a halting problem. -
When people are thinking that just by deleting UIDAI number ,their phone is hack free now.🤣🤣
This are same people who installed app from SHAREit , access adult content without proxy n JavaScript off ,access raile net /public net and enter private information.🤣🤣2 -
I think we should call python programmers "Montyneers" am I right ?
#For people that don't know what I'm talking about: Python's name originates from Monty Python's flying circus.3 -
When you changed our SDK folders from your tiny C:\ to your big D:\ but the IDE still downloads huge updates on C:\ first, and you get "not enough disk space" errors1
-
When commenting it would be nice to see the comment you are commenting against. Often they are long with several points and you can't refer back to it8
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promise yourself
you will never ever show your geek knowledge to stupid people's.
or ready to face some stupid hacking questions.3 -
Strangermeet up conversation
Stranger: m22
Me: just sleep bro ,u can't get girl here.
Stranger : can't sleep R8 now, reading quantum computing book.
Me : interesting
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yes we are now friends (#~#) -
If you're always too busy doing the wrong things the wrong way, you will never have time time to do things right
-
I got a very low power Netbook lately for basically no money.
I thought about using it for some server monitoring / server access via ssh console.
Which Linux distros would you recommend for such a use case. Tried Something like core-os and Debian(lxde) yet but wasn't very satisfied with both options. Both could not display the battery capacity and Debian didn't detect the Intel WiFi.
The Netbook has 512mb of ram which should be fine for a lightweight gui and more than enough for a ssh connection 😅
Thanks a lot for the recommendations :)12 -
Searching new laptop / system on current laptop / system can hurt feelings of it.
It's same as asking gf which is better girl than you 😂😂😂😂2 -
Blockchain Pun
"I don't have time to talk about the blockchain but we can HASH the details later"
😎1 -
What if a guy who is actually a gay wants to learn R and actually succeeds?
Well, he becomes gRay.1 -
Anybody else get shouted at by partner when you put all heavy stuff at front of conveyer when shopping, or rearrange dishwasher so more things will fit, etc. I thought I was just being logical about these things...1
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2 min silence for my friend.
who got contract to edit and make golden frame of "naga baba"
he have to zoom each and every part of naga baba to clear and make render image.
xD XD16 -
Does anyone know if it's possible to install a VM (Linux or Windows) on a Linux Server without GUI and then connect to the aforementioned VM via Remote Desktop? If yes, has anyone done it before?4
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Suggestions for UK conferences please, already going to devoxx, anything devvy would be good, or architecture or web related
-
Opinions please. When end user is not paying for service, who is my customer? For example public facing government project2
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Work has set us a challenge to build a rock/paper/scissors/dynamite/waterbomb api. We have the spec for what json is expected incoming and outgoing. We are allowed to implement any way we want and with any language we want. We are considering using Clojure but we have no experience with it, hence we will hopefully be learning as we go. Would you recommend using a framework like Pedestal, Hoplon, Luminus, or just use Leiningren or something else?
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Feature request: please allow the app to work in landscape and rotate. I can't get to the hamburger menu in bottom right due to broken screen3
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I set up two of my raspberry pis in the last days to contribute for the SETI@home project and post the status of their tasks hourly to twitter.
Nr. 3 will follow today! -
I used mint, Ubuntu,Kali but now I want to change my Linux flavour.
My work is mostly on backend development (PHP, MySQL).
Which one may I try next?
(All previous Linux are f9 for me I just want to use new distro)3 -
Has anyone experience with putting Linux on a asus e200ha Netbook? Want to get rid of Windows but I'm concerned about driver availability and battery life.1
-
In client terms, a “3rd party” is akin to Angelina Jolie. Despite the promise that you’ll be able to have an enlightening conversation over a nice meal and hopefully hook up afterwards ... sorry, it ain’t happenin’. You’re just gonna have to fantasize about it while you take care of business yourself.
-
Hi,
I'll be away for one week in a place without any Internet access.
Do you have any suggestions on books / docs I could download for that time?
I'd love to learn some more about web coding in that time so books about that would be great.4 -
I'm planning to switch from ownCloud to Nextcloud in the next weeks. Does anyone have experience with that or maybe some advice? Aside from creating Backups.7
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I'm starting to look at how to get devices to send data to an endpoint for storage and analysis. I'm looking at AWS iot stuff like core and green grass but then I'm thinking that a REST API could also do the job. I don't need to connect devices to each other (in first iteration). Dont think I need any edge stuff either. Anybody have any experience with this?3
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Hello devrant,
Need guidance about QR code based coupon system.
In my restaurant I sale few food items. My 50+ customer bought food daily (on delivery). They are asking me for coupon system like I sale one sandwich for half 30 INR , they bought 3-4 per day.
So they can buy coupon of 100 sandwich on every delivery my delivery boy will scan QR code of customer and their sandwich count will decrease accordingly.
This will apply for every food item.
Can you suggest me current software for this.1 -
I recently removed the PlayStore and other Google apps from my smartphone and got myself fdroid.
Since not all the apps that I'm using are on fdroid I wondered, how to keep those apps up-to-date?3 -
I think I'll clearn and update my Server this weekend (since it's still on Debian 8).Wish me luck or dig my grave.
P.s.: Tips/suggestions/experiences are also very appreciated3 -
Pgadmin4 error: could not connect to server
Tried to delete data from pgadmin folder but didn't worked for me2 -
What's a good inexpensive android phone for development. Something 14 year olds could use without breaking6
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How is your experience with upgrading from Debian 8 to Debian 9? Want to update my homeserver but I really don't want to screw it up. Especially with the switch from MySQL to MariaDB1
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Electronjs "framework to developed cross platform desktop application but not able to install in Ubuntu😢"6
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First boss introduced me to VCS., so I PUSHed my self --HARD was very COMMITed, but I still don't GIT it
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