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Search - "jira"
Maybe I could get better bug reports from clients if I made them use this.
I wonder if it has Jira integration.5
I prefer silent kills.
× open Jira ticket classified as a BUG REPORT
× Title: "Mike"
× Description: "Mike is working with us"
× assign it to Mike
× reopen it every time it's closed7
How to get your Jira ticket resolved:
1: Assign in it the person
2: Mention him on the ticket
3: Remember the ticket number
4: Sneak into his office
Sorry if I make a typo, my hands a still a little shaky, just had to stop myself from crying.
This morning I came in, opened my email, saw an automated response from Jira saying .... saying ..... saying the backend team provided details about their new endpoint.
After a year of screaming, they finally did it. It was so beautiful I fell to the floor and wept like a baby.
Thank you all for your support through this difficult time. Together we can accomplish anything!!!7
This project manager, man....
> Sends email to a client "Dear Ms X, here's your password for the Jira board: [...] Please handle it with care and keep it secret."
> Email goes out to 5 people.6
Welcome back to practiseSafeHex's new life as a manager.
Episode 2: Why automate when you can spend all day doing it by hand
This is a particularly special episode for me, as these problems are taking up so much of my time with non-sensical bullshit, that i'm delayed with everything else. Some badly require tooling or new products. Some are just unnecessary processes or annoyances that should not need to be handled by another human. So lets jump right in, in no particular order:
- Jira ... nuff said? not quite because somehow some blue moon, planets aligning, act of god style set of circumstances lined up to allow this team to somehow make Jira worse. On one hand we have a gigantic Jira project containing 7 separate sub teams, a million different labels / epics and 4.2 million possible assignees, all making sure the loading page takes as long as possible to open. But the new country we've added support for in the app gets a separate project. So we have product, backend, mobile, design, management etc on one, and mobile-country2 on another. This delightfully means a lot of duplication and copy pasting from one to the other, for literally no reason what so ever.
- Everything on Jira is found through a label. Every time something happens, a new one is created. So I need to check for "iOS", "Android", "iOS-country2", "Android-country2", "mobile-<feature>", "mobile-<feature>-issues", "mobile-<feature>-prod-issues", "mobile-<feature>-existing-issues" and "<project>-July31" ... why July31? Because some fucking moron decided to do a round of testing, and tag all the issues with the current date (despite the fact Jira does that anyway), which somehow still gets used from time to time because nobody pays attention to what they are doing. This means creating and modifying filters on a daily basis ... after spending time trying to figure out what its not in the first one.
- One of my favourite morning rituals I like to call "Jira dumpster diving". This involves me removing all the filters and reading all the tickets. Why would I do such a thing? oh remember the 9000 labels I mentioned earlier? right well its very likely that they actually won't use any of them ... or the wrong ones ... or assign to the wrong person, so I have to go find them and fix them. If I don't, i'll get yelled at, because clearly it's my fault.
- Moving on from Jira. As some of you might have seen in your companies, if you use things like TestFlight, HockeyApp, AppCenter, BuddyBuild etc. that when you release a new app version for testing, each version comes with an automated change-log, listing ticket numbers addressed ...... yeah we don't do that. No we use this shitty service, which is effectively an FTP server and a webpage, that only allows you to host the new versions. Sending out those emails is all manual ... distribution groups?? ... whats that?
- Moving back to Jira. Can't even automate the changelog with a script, because I can't even make sense of the tickets, in order to translate that to a script.
- Moving on from Jira. Me and one of the remote testers play this great game I like to call "tag team ticketing". It's so much fun. Right heres how to play, you'll need a QA and a PM.
*QA creates a ticket, and puts nothing of any use inside it, and assigns to the PM.
*PM fires it back asking for clarification.
*QA adds in what he feels is clarification (hes wrong) and assigns it back to the PM.
*PM sends detailed instructions, with examples as to what is needed and assigns it back.
*QA adds 1 of the 3 things required and assigns it back.
*PM assigns it back saying the one thing added is from the wrong day, and reminds him about the other 2 items.
*QA adds some random piece of unrelated info to the ticket instead, forgetting about the 3 things and assigns it back.
and you just continue doing this for the whole dev / release cycle hahaha. Oh you guys have no idea how much fun it is, seriously give it a go, you'll thank me later ... or kill yourselves, each to their own.
- Moving back to Jira. I decided to take an action of creating a new project for my team (the mobile team) and set it up the way we want and just ignore everything going on around us. Use proper automation, and a kanban board. Maybe only give product a slack bot interface that won't allow them to create a ticket without what we need etc. Spent 25 minutes looking for the "create new project" button before finding the link which says I need to open a ticket with support and wait ... 5 ... fucking ... long ... painful ... unnecessary ... business days.
... Heres hoping my head continues to not have a bullet hole in it by then.
Id love to talk more, but those filters ain't gonna fix themselves. So we'll have to leave it here for today. Tune in again for another episode soon.
And remember to always practiseSafeHex14
Manager: I need estimates for your sprint tasks
Me: I've never done any of this before, my estimates have no context and are effectively worthless
Manager: don't worry it's just for the Jira board.
Me: OK *gives estimates*
End of sprint comes...
Manager: Why isn't task X done?
I don't miss my old job :)3
Product replying to Jira ticket: We think this issue has been resolved. Can you please reach out to the user and confirm?
Customer care: User xxx has responded to say she "has given up in frustration, and the app simply doesn't work". She has requested to have her account deactivated. This user has requested to not be contacted any further by the program.
Hows your day going devrant? mines going VERY well5
Fuck. My new job in the public sector requires me to sign paper applications to access JIRA or git. It takes them 4 days to process, so now I am waiting at home doing nothing. I’ll still get paid a competitive developer salary, though.
If you are a EU citizen from a country that subsidizes Poland, you can be sure that your taxes are well spent on my couch :)12
“No we don’t use the time zone info you send on each request. We get all the drivers for the store ID, choose one of them randomly and take their time zone. We have been assuming it will always be the same for all drivers for each store.”
This is my new favorite response to a Jira ticket in this company.
I may have to print it out and hang it on my desk3
follow on from my last rant.
I've finally gotten my new Jira project. Only thing I seem to have access to change is the Kanban board columns. Still has 50+ fields when creating a ticket etc.
Asked the support team handling the request if this was a mistake. He said no, i'll need to open another ticket to have those changes requested.
Opened and got a reply. Currently there are 2 versions of Jira running. They are working on consolidating them atm and won't help me right now until this is done. I've been asked to re-open my request after the consolidation is done in March 2019.
5 ... fucking ... months, so I can have a competent ticketing process.
He pointed me to a page explaining the move and listing all the changes taking place. Well lets look at the changes they are making that are so critical:
Change 14: Rename "More info" status to "Needs more info".
... Oh pardon me. I didn't realise such critical show stoppers were being addressed. Please do continue. Don't mind me, i'll just be over here taking 4 hours to create an Epic and 6 stories. As you were9
College Graduate joins the team, assigned the first jira story.
Perfect logic, variable naming can be improved, but I can let that go, since the logic was good.
Rejected the implementation in fisheye because she used
What's wrong with me...7
I just want to say this place is AWESOME! 100% better than Reddit and 1000% better than SO. Not sure how I found it....oh yeah I was googling a question on how to do something in JIRA and used the 'f' word in my query.8
> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
> Customer logs Jira ticket claiming app is not working
< I restart the app, investigate and explain tht their server has issues
ø Client closes the ticket as Resolved
-- a couple of days pass by ---
< I log a JIRA ticket explaining what and how is wrong with the server with suggestions how to fix the problem so the app will not crash any longer (client own the server, has his own sysadmins -- I don't even had permissions to open syslog.. had to hack dmesg on their PROD server to pin-point the issue)
> no reaction from customer for weeks. I ping the ticket
× app crashes again
> no reaction from customer for weeks. I ping the ticket
> customer leaves a comment that their sysadmins are looking at it trying to figure out what might be wrong (ignoring what I wrote in ticket's description??? srsly?)
× app crashes again
< I post detail investigation details: snips from logs, screenshots, everything with crystal clear explanations.
> no reaction for weeks
well that's fun..6
when the project manger asks for status on a ticket.
me: what ticket
pm: hold on. (makes ticket). that one.1
Deciphering 10-20 jira tickets that relate to 1 feature which aren't linked in anyway beyond titles spread throughout an epic or 2.
Ah the pain of having to go through 200 tickets to find everything you need for a single feature.7
Feeling like I've gone back in time about 15 years!
Just told my CTO about various improvements we could make to the development process. Things like git, continuous delivery, agile project management apps such as Jira, task management such as Gulp, etc.
His response - "never heard of them. I bet they'll pass in a few months. Just another round of fads".8
Me done fixing a bug.
Me commit the fix.
Me resolve issue in JIRA.
Few minutes later, Me receive a notification. QA reopened issue: "Bug is still there".
Me go have look to Jenkins.
Pissed off, Me respond to QA: "Can you just wait for Maven to finish building the goddamn thing before testing it please?"
Every. Fucking. Time8
The new MacBook Pro with touchbar is ABSOLUTELY SHITE.
I can't tell you how many times I have accidentally touched the escape key with my pinky while typing. Also accidentally touched "send" while in apple Mail halfway through writing something.
Apple clearly did no user testing with this as I have googled around and many folk are having the same frustrations.
I've just typed a massive note into jira and towards the end my pinky hit the escape key and I lost everything!!
FUCK CUNT BASTARD WANK!!!12
Me: Wish I got one guilty free murder pass..
God: GRANTED! Which software tester would you like to kill?4
Excited for the following upcoming product releases:
Dark Mode GitHub
Dark Mode Jira
Dark Mode Kubernetes
Dark Mode Kafka Streams
Dark Mode WebEx13
Do you want to really annoy the hell out of someone?
1. JIRA account for you
2. JIRA account for the victim
3. JIRA app on victim's phone
1. Create a ticket and assign / add victim as watcher.
2. Open your favorite IDE or editor with any of your favorite projects with lots of files with minimal sizes.
3. Drag the folder and drop into JIRA ticket window.
4. Enjoy 😎
Don't ask me how I figured this out 😁6
QA : There is a bug, come at my desk now !
Me : I'm busy on some feature, can you make an issue on Jira I will fix it later.
QA : NO! It's a major issue
Me : Ok... I come.
* 3 hours later *
QA : I just created you the Jira you asked
Me : I told you, the bug is already fixed since 2 hours
QA : yeah but I will not test it until you mark the issue as done on Jira
.... Are you kidding me ??? So you interrupted me in my work two times for one stupid issue...4
It's Sunday night... Jira is emailing you because your product manager assigned you 12 tasks.
You're about to check what these tasks are, then realize ... my weekend isn't over yet!
Goodnight phone, goodbye g-mail, it's time for some more games and TV3
Me: * Browses devRant for about 10 minutes *
Phone: 0 notifications
Me: * Puts phone in pocket *
Phone: * seizures in pocket *
Phone: 3 new Jira issues, 9 Sentry warnings about critical bugs, 2 emails from my boss, roughly 60 Whatsapp messages and 3 new notifs on Slack
Why does this happen so often :/4
Things that needs precision,
Pouring instant noodle seasoning when eating it raw13
Employer:"Have you tried JIRA before?"
Me: "I know JIRA, it came from a company called 'Atlassian'. I was interested in their product, but it says that it has 30 days trial. So I didn't have a chance to use it."
After a month..
"Our JIRA is pirated, we will use it in our internal servers"..
Me: (I thought this company got an enterprise product of JIRA).8
One fucking stupid 3 minute task I must take care of...Let us all spend 30 minutes putting it into Google Keep, Outlook calendar, Trello then OneNote..in case we forget....
Wait..I forgot to start my Jira time tracker.
I'll Slack you once it's all done then we can Skype to discuss.
The sell: “become a designer, change the world”
The reality: “become a designer, create Jira tickets for devs to fix stuff you’ve noticed”
Just got asked by our JIRA admin how to add in JIRA add-ons for our self hosted version.
... if you don't know why are you admin then!?3
Boss found a wierd bug in code that only happenes in IE10. Closed Jira-task with note; Stop using IE, or update to IE112
JIRA. Fucking JIRA. Everybody just fucking hates it. It tops the list of shit pieces of software by a fair margin, followed by JIRA in second place and JIRA in 3rd. It's fucking unusable without superpowers and endless patience. It does whatever it goddamn pleases and randomly sends your precious input that you so carefully crafted anxiously avoiding to press one wrong key to the happy hunting grounds.
Fuck you, JIRA.
- Every developer. Really every.15
During QA for a huge project when our dev team was confident of the stability of the project, We started introducing small bugs, QA team use to raise bugs in Jira, we marked them as not reproducible.
Frustrated QA started coming to our cubes - at this point dev team worked in a perfect coordination like a man to man marking in hockey. While one dev asked QA guy to reproduce the bug in front of him while the other dev has already fixed it.
Continued for a couple of days till our team lead was satisfied with the revenge.
PM: Hey listen, client sent us his feedback about the app that we need to fix, they wont take time.
Me: Sure no problem.
5 Minutes later:
15 easy tasks that take not time to finish BUT they are put inside ONE FUCKING TASK ON JIRA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT! 15 IN ONE YOU DUMB FUCK!
MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS AND WRITE EACH IN ITS OWN MOTHERFUCKING TASK!
Another reason on why I hate humans -_-2
Focusing. I'm part of two teams that use slack, office 365, email, jira, and Trello to communicate simultaneously. I'm expected to respond to urgent messages--so I'm in productivity-killing notification hell and it's really taking a toll. :(6
I opened a ticket earlier with my automated ticket script, and saw its number, so I couldn't resist.
We have this incredible Jira system that allows anyone with half a brain to report anomalies, add some screenshots in it, a description, links, everything.
Then WHY THE FUCK would you add a fucking docx file in which there are 2 lines and one screenshot? What blocked you to add the fucking content of your docx shit to the fucking Jira?
I swear to god, some people should be medically forbidden to come close to a computer4
what's the point of having Jira task priorities if all the tasks are assigned to major priority? >:(14
Ooh, look! Node got async/await!
Ooh, look! I can lint shell scripts with shellcheck!
Ooh, look! Webpack 2 has been released!
Ooh, look! I can switch over from npm to yarn!
There is so much stuff I want to upgrade and optimize in our project, that I forget about the actual JIRA ticket.7
“You have a Jira?”
“You need a Jira, first”
“Open a Jira”
“You need a Jira for that too”
“That Jira is on the wrong board, plus you need to email _this_ form first”
Jira, Jira, Jira-fucking-jira, AAAHHHHHHHHHHH, STOP!
My job appears to be nothing more than an abstraction layer around Jira. A leaky abstraction11
I'm a software developer. Last week I spent half a day teaching a "Senior Data Scientist" how to use git branches. I spent the other half a day teaching him how to use Jira. Now I'm being told that the dev team isn't raising enough Pull Requests. FML
Got a few Jira tickets reassigned to me because the dev who was supposed to work on them got stuck on another project. It's fine, that happens.
I open the tickets. No descriptions for all of them. No screenshots for those reported as bugs, nor any replication steps. No attached test cases or, well, ANY useful information.
I talk to our BA, he says that all information I need are in OTHER tickets on ANOTHER BOARD that business manages but I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO. Honestly, these shitfucks could've just done simple copy/paste. But nooooo...
So I reassign all the tickets back to their original reporters (business testers) with comments requesting more information.
It's been a week. Now I have no idea what to put in my time sheet.1
My PM is a glorified Q&A tester. Has never coded in his life and refuses to use jira or slack. He basically emails me a word document (because he refuses to use google docs) with all his "so-called bugs' errors. I dare you to tell me of a worse PM.1
Been trying to get everyone at my current (not for long) company on Jira and Slack rather than WhatsApp and Wunderlist but to no avail.
I created everyone accounts. I set up channels and boards for everyone. I even connected every board to a channel with the specific people involved in it.
What is even the fucking point in trying to help anymore when nobody fucking bothers? THIS WILL SAVE YOU ALL SO MUCH FUCKING TIME AND WASTED EFFORT!9
JIRA 2017: "Too many emails? Download the JIRA app and get notifications on your phone instead!"
JIRA 2018: "Too many notifications?"
JIRA Push Notification: [Task] Assigned to <PM>
JIRA Email: [Task] Assigned to <PM>
Hangouts: <PM> I removed that task from you.
5 minutes later at my desk: PM: "Did you see my hangouts? You don't need to do that task anymore."1
We have an e-commerce platform. One guy uploaded a blurry product image later he created a ticket on Jira that the image is too blurry at the storefront and asked if we can do something about it.6
That moment you realise you spent the day skinning Jira to look like atoms material dark theme because a key system is down preventing testing😊
Worst Jira ticket I've ever seen:
Title: "It looks f#?$ed"
This gem was opened by the project producer. When asked about it, it was just a mismatch in text margins.
A back-end developer at my company thinks CSS is easy, tries to fix some styling by himself without consulting front-end developers and messes up the styling of multiple web apps that rely on those styles. The next Jira ticket related to fixing those styles is, of course, assigned to me (with the highest priority)...
I'm pretty fucking sure that if I were to quit my job, I'd have to gather the fucking requirements, create the fucking user stories, and then JIRA the ever-living fuck out of it before I could submit my fucking resignation.
I just want to write fucking code.3
Starting new game development project.
Coder:" ok guys, I think that this time we have to focus much more on sprints management and documentation"
Designer:"Ye, this time we should use better scrum software, like jira or youtrack"
Artist:"but Asana has the unicorns when you complete a task"4
Is amazing the kind of shit you have to swallow when your management has regular meetings with really really super extremely good-looking sales people.12
Headphones on, noise cancellation enabled, Google play music enabled.
Connect to my remote desktop and open Jira
See ridiculous backlog and get to work
(Panda for views)
I find that no matter what I do I have roughly 50 issues assigned to me in Jira, so there's no point in working hard to clear em out. I'll never get to zero.2
Client: We need bookmark button added to the Movie Details page.
Me: How should it look? How should it work? Can you create Jira for it?
"5 months of me regularly asking about the feature"
Client: We can't agree on how should it work. Drop it.4
"we have add a lot of cost partly due to currency exchange rate, but we also added some services and servers, we'll have a meeting and see what we can cancel or re-arrange."
- JIRA is gone
- SEO tools are gone
- budget for site security & SSL undecided
- Servers are too expensive.
$800 for twelve 2-24gb ram servers with backup, I call that bargain
Can't wait to see the websites falling apart. Now where are my popcorns?10
When there is a hard high priority bug come up and someone on the team assigns it to themselves and writes on JIRA: "I volunteer as tribute".
Again I ended working for a company where people love to pride themselves because they're 'agile'.
Basically they bought A JIRA license, that's all.
The CTO decides the estimates privately.
He assign the stories.
No idea what's a retrospective.
The sprint ends whenever he wants.
New stories continuosly added to the active sprint.
That's the risk of agile, unchecked power.3
I had someone reject me the follow me to the parking lot and ask me to teach them Jira in their spare time. 😂😂😂2
Please tell me something wrong with me, and whole world is working like that! It can't be right! Or could it, and I'm just one sad fuck who don't know shit?
So... We've got:
1. Jira reporting (agile style with cards and shit)
2. Task timers (via application integrated to Jira in order to count how much time we spent on a task)
3. End of the day email reporting with description of what we have done today (Jira is not enough?)
4. Daily morning meetings with a team leader to report what we're gonna do today
5. Git merge code reviews for each finished component (that lasts for hours)
6. Weekly status meetings
7. Working hours reporting with a fucking fingerprint
And on top of all of that, the developer is the one who just writes the code - team leader decides how this code is gonna look, what will be written first and what last, what libraries will be used and so on...8
Plenty of good things happened at work this year. Then we started using jira. That "heavy" bucketfull of shit though.7
Project managers who distribute a task instruction like "add button on page x" into 20 ticket comments (each minimum 1000 chars), 1 pdf from the client, 2 unrelated tl;dr confluence pages, 3 lengthy bullshit management emails (at least 5 people in cc) and end up sending chat messages every hour...1
Big-time Microsoft fan who claims they've been using licensed versions of Windows since Windows 3.0. Still has all old versions of Windows on different machines / hard-disks. They use only Microsoft Surface devices. They still use Nokia Lumia (with Windows Phone 10). They were working with an organization that used Office365 for enterprise email and collaboration. They used Microsoft Teams for team collaboration when the rest of the organization was comfortable with Atlassian tools like jira, confluence and bitbucket.
One fine day, news spreads that the organization is moving into GSuite for enterprise email and collaboration. They are devastated. They quit citing personal and family reasons, but we knew the real reason.19
Ever had a day that felt like you're shoveling snow from the driveway? In a blizzard? With thunderstorms & falling unicorns? Like you shovel away one m² & turn around and no footprints visible anymore? And snow built up to your neck?
Today my work day was like that.. xcept shit..shit instead of pretty & puffy snow!!
Working on things a & b, trying to not mess either one up, then comes shit x, coworker was updating production.. ofc something went wrong.. again not testing after the update..then me 'to da rescue'.. :/ hardly patch things up, so it works..in a way.. feature c still missing due to needed workarounds.. going back to a and b.. got disrupted by the same coworker who is nver listening, but always asking too much..
And when I think I finally have the b thing figured out a f-ing blocker from one of our biggest clients.. The whole system is unresponsive.. Needles to say, same guy in support for two companies (their end), so they filed the jira blocker with the wrong customer that doesn't have a SLA so no urgent emails..and then the phone calls.. and then the hell broke loose.. checking what is happening.. After frantic calls from our dba to anyone who even knows that our customer exists if they were doing sth on the db.. noup, not a single one was fucking with the prod db.. The hell! Materialised view created 10 mins ago that blocked everything..set to recreate every 10 minutes..with a query that I am guessing couldn't even select all that data in under 15.. dafaaaq?! Then we kill it..and again it is there.. We found out that customers dbas were testing something on live environment, oblivious that they mamaged to block the entire db..
FML, I'm going pokemon hunting.. :/ codename for ingress n beer..3
I am hating hating hating my junior developer job. Most of my work is updating PDF's on all type of internal intranets. So my days are spent working jira ticket after jira ticket.
Internal customer submits ticket to update 3 PDF's on internal intranet for sales team. They are named so badly I can't match them unless I review all 30 links on this page. Most links with report numbers but here's is not also no notes to where in the page.
I do JIRA comment --no respose even though I tag her.
I politely email her asking her to rename the PDF's with the same file names I am replacing.
She asked it I wanted her to rename them 'other'
What??? So I asked her where she sits so I can show how to easily find the file names in the URL.
Responds with the same files renamed with more description but still not the same.
Respond again giving better instructions on how to find it and second request to where she sits.
1 day later no response!
When I get into today I am closing her ticket!
Fuck these middle aged Midwest dumb bitches!2
We have Jira to keep track of bugs and allow users to inform issue with our in-house software. One fucker created ticket, "Hi Guys, I cannot sign-in to Skype business". He even put the screenshot.
What the fuck he expected us to do. Everyday have to deal with low mentality peasants.4
Someone: FYI, Db is down(ticket link)
Otherone: Can anyone help me connecting
with db? I am having issues.
I am so happy I am leaving this place in 2 months.... 😂😂1
What's the use of implementing JIRA when you'll still demand sending daily reports with time duration for every task?!3
We were going through Sprint Planning on Monday. We got through all of the tasks that we knew we had to get done, then we started going through the backlog to see what we could pull forward.
The guy running the meeting (who's not actually a Scrum master, but whatever) get's to a task, reads it aloud, and goes, "That doesn't ring any bells. Brian, it's in your name, it says it's from May, do you know what the status of this is?
Brian reads through it for about 20 seconds before saying, "That date says it's from 2017. I don't think we need it anymore."2
Came into work this morning and my scrum master has decided to take my desk and now I'm working off my laptop screen. I forgot he needed 3 displays for Excel, Outlook and JIRA.2
Hey devs, really need some help here. This is driving me crazy...
We're currently taking issues from the company via mail. We've got a group mail that goes to the three of us at the IT department. Problem is, colleagues just forward customers emails without event trying to help, which means that we get stupid issues like "I can't sign in", and no further information. We're currently using Jira, and I was thinking perhaps we can set up a Jira Service Desk? Then we could have an internal help desk where issues could be submitted, and require some important fields, and perhaps add a checklist. Have you had any experience with Service Desk? Do you think it would be a good idea to have a "normal" person have an account there as well to filter out the normal "Have you tried restarting your computer" stuff? Is it suited for non-developers?
Any other ideas?
Yeay, messy question, but I'm fucking desperate...6
I have already done like 3 internships of 6 months now. And all the companies sucked!
Now the current company I work at is at least not a marketing company filled with cocaïne sniffing callcenter junkies. But why do they always lie so much. They promised free food and drinks and code reviews. What I get is a computer with an i5 and a fucking Jira account.
This is fucking annoying me, im hungry, thirsty and somebody should really check the code im about to push because it cant be good!!!3
There are two jobs I would rather suck dick on the street than do.
Saw new issue on jira. When look, they are like my computer is slow or I cannot any buttons in Excel.
For fuck sake, don't send stupid tickets, we already got stupid projects the company took from the others without consulting to the IT team.
There are about 600 tickets every month and most of them are issue because of their stupidity not the software (they never read the error message). And no we are not IT support, go ask those ppl for your computer issue.1
In these GOT times,
managers will suffer,
PRs will not be merged,
Pivotal Tracker/Jira stories will not be attended to.
Stand-up meetings will be ditched.
Winter is here.
so i decided to check out the client departments jira project page, never have I had more respect for front end developers, don't think I could have the patience for aligning things at pixel accuracy, design qa are ruthless!1
PM schedules deployment on a Friday... I address my concern about deploying on Fridays, I am assured it won't happen again since it is a special occasion. Next week's Friday... "Guys we need the remaining tasks on jira by today, client wants the app on production by today". smh1
Just received a Jira request to remove training videos from the business ethics page or our employee intranet because we longer hold the license's.
One of our clients asked us to Integrate their projects with Jira, so I got this funny email from atlassian.1
Logging work in Jira, because it goes against the whole ethos of trusting people to get the work done when they have to log exactly how much time they spent on each individual story. It also doesnt account for pair programming. so 2 people log the same time and it looks like the story took twice as long. I’ll stop now because I’m precariously close to opening the “time based estimates” can of worms and thats for another rant.4
Project name - "JIRA 2.0"
Description - JIRA seems to not be informing people in our company about much of anything right now. Engineers don't know how to find anything. PMs don't know when things are shipping.
Me: JIRA, you had 1 job!1
A new place for PM where he can write product specs: - Comments in JIRA tickets!
Why didn't we all think of this great idea before!
hey, look in jira on how to implement these features. lets not use any standard on how we format our tasks there.
add random screenshots on how things should or maybe should not look. add random tables in tasks with random fields from random tables in db which should be displayed somewhere?
lets not add docs to any of our code. name every method differently in every service although they do the same thing only for different types of data.
have someone come 3x a day to u asking: "is there something new to see in the ui? :D"
LIFE IS FUN HAHA :))
I just blew up at my boss again.... I'm doing something and then he asks about including a new feature and figure out if it's doable. A quick question is ok but an analysis of a new feature.... NOT WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF RESOLVING A MORE IMMEDIATE ISSUE.
OPEN A FUCKING JIRA, SEND ME AN EMAIL, AND I'LL TAKE A LOOK ONCE I'M DONE WITH WHATEVER I M DOING.10
Boss: here you go 3 tasks for your sprint
Days later with local server and db still not connecting on docker.
Boss: ya can we add a task on jira and get that fixed as soon as possible and see why its not working(feature doesnt work)
Me: you got it boss.
Me(in head): How am i ever going to finish my sprint for next Friday...8
As I am now in a leading position in the middle of a agile transition:
has anyone got a source for a project done completely with user stories?
I am searching a real life example with already finished stories an active backlog and a documentation.
I just can't wrap my head around it. When and what do you document? In which Form do you document? How are you writing user stories with more content like diagrams and such?
(we use jira and confluence but just started with stories)
I read some articles on the topic and watched some talks but sill don't get the picture.8
I administer Atlassian stack instance (among zillion other things, of course). Once I've got an issue about login problem:
"I can login to Confluence, but not to Jira, could you help me?"
Looking into projects configuration, into user's permission groups in Crowd (both apps are connected, it will be important in a moment)... Everything looks good. Wtf?
Suddenly, I've got this idea:
"What username do you use in Jira?"
"What about Confluence login?"
Realization in 3... 2... 1...
Wait for it...
Just a little more tension...
"Nevermind, thank you!"
Remember, guys, always give them a chance. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best. And I wish you all only such issues! :-D
In my last sprint planning my Project Manager said: "...Drupal is a programming language, like swift or jquery.."
And my boss wonders why our plannings take so long.
I may have watched too much Westworld; I'm naming JIRA tickets with "Analysis - what caused the failure..."2
One of the barriers to professional software development is OCD.
Is this code right? No, fix. Wait, no, still not right.
Did I just commit this? Check again.. did jira reload properly? Wait, checking again, did I commit this? Checking. Did I commit this? Checking. Is my mind fooling me about committing this? Checking.
It's kinda calming to find out that the atlassian-guys themselves don't know very good about their stuff either3
How do your companies do things? Does your development team have much autonomy from the non-technical side of the business?
I work in an agency and we have yet to actually get a proper workflow in place for things, its getting quite irritating.
So, we have a ticketing system in place and its not used anywhere near properly. In theory you could design a whole project in Jira and use that to handle all of your status updates, the PM's would just, you-know... read it.
In the morning we have "stand-ups" where for some reason we will have project/task briefings/long speeches lumped in before developers get onto talking about what they're working on and naturally if they have any blockers. Then at the end of this "stand-up" everybody has to write down what they just said onto post-it notes so the PM team have an idea of what everybody is working on that day.
So essentially, every developers day is micro-managed from the business side with exactly what they're working on.
Throughout the week there may be bug tickets that come in, these tickets are thrown into developers outlook calendars so they know which day to do them on.
For some reason nobody has considered that you could setup due-dates on tickets and setup Jira dashboards to make all of this stuff very straightforward to manage.
I think the problem is that since nobody actually works from Jira, they just get things thrown at them verbally or via calendar nobody would get into the habit of checking their dashboards on a morning.
Another annoying thing is getting tickets sent to you with estimates already made (not made by a developer either) or with project schedules laid out before any estimation has been done at all.
We also have a pretty insane ticket backlog due to PM's not actually looking at their own projects and attempting to prune or even review the backlog. There have actually been cases where client work totally drops off the radar from the PM side and just never gets finished.
Am I working in an utterly dysfunctional shop or is this kind of crap just par for the course?1
Wife started to remind my of features required for next deploy. Pushes me and motivates. At this point I am afraid to use my whiteboard I use for quick tasks and feedback notes
As a mobile developer I get fucking pissed off when I get a ticket on Jira saying: Response code 500
The server fucked up why am I the one to be reached for? Especially that code is displayed when no response body is returned
Happy new year everyone!
Yearly reminder to update your copyright texts.
PS: I worked at a place where I had to file a fucking Jira to get the copyright year updated in the website’s footer which was essentially a content change.1
How to kill Jira Backlog in one simple step:
1) put '-∞' to Storypoints
(Bottom line: it can be fixed from User Story Map to something normal)
I did some investigation on Jira board. There was a story in Oct to design solution for a problem and a senior engineer has commented saying it was done.
The same story opened again in December and another senior engineer has commented saying "canonical and solution is designed"
But FUCKING IDIOTS didn't do anything! Last sprint I got the development story for same and I have been fucking waiting for them to give me solution. But idiots are way too lazy to do any work!1
PM blindly puts user requests into JIRA as tasks to complete without thinking through their relevancy. Some of these are straight up not possible or don't make any damn sense. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ just a constant reminder how great it will be when I leave here at the end of the month.1
A tale of silos, pivots, and mismanagement.
Background: Our consultancy has been working with this client for over a year now. It started with some of our back-end devs working on the API.
We are in Canada. The client is located in the US. There are two other teams in Canada. The client has an overseas company contracted to do the front-end of the app. And at the time we started, there was a 'UX consultancy' also in the US.
I joined the project several months in to replace the then-defunct UX company. I was the only UX consultant on the project at that time. I was also to build out a functional front-end 'prototype' (Vue/Scss) ahead of the other teams so that we could begin tying the fractured arms of the product together.
At this point there was a partial spec for the back-end, a somewhat architected API, a loose idea of a basic front-end, and a smattering of ideas, concepts, sketches, and horrific wireframes scattered about various places online.
At this point we had:
One functional prototype
One back-end Jira board
One front-end Jira board
No task-management for UX
You might get where this is going...
None of the teams had shared meetings. None of the team leads spoke to each other. Each team had their own terms, their own trajectory, and their own goals.
Just as our team started pushing for more alignment, and we began having shared meetings, the client decided to pivot the product in another direction.
Now we had:
One original front-end
One first-pivot front-end
Two functional prototypes
One front-end Jira board
One back-end Jira board
No worries. We're professionals. We do this all the time. We rolled with it and we shifted focus to a new direction, with the same goals in mind internally to keep things aligned and moving along.
Slowly, the client hired managers to start leading everything in the same direction. Things started to look up. The back-end team and the product and UX teams started aligning goals and working toward the same objectives.
Then the client shifted directions again. This time bigger. More 'verticals'. I was to leave the previous 'prototypes' behind, and feature-freeze them to work on the new direction.
One conceptual 'new' back-end
One original front-end
One first-pivot front-end
One 'all verticals' front-end
One functional prototype
One back-end Jira board
One front-end Jira board
One product Jira board
One UX Jira board
Meanwhile, the back-end team, the front-end team overseas, all kept moving in the previously agreed-upon direction.
At this stage, probably 6 months in, the 'prototypes' were much less proper 'prototypes' but actually just full apps (with a stubbed back-end since I was never given permission or support to access the actual back-end).
The state of things today:
Back to one back-end
One original front-end
One first-pivot front-end
One 'all verticals' front-end
One 'working' front-end
One 'QA' front-end
One 'demo' front-end
One functional prototype
One back-end Jira board
Two front-end Jira boards
One current product Jira board
One future product Jira board
One current UX Jira board
One future UX Jira board
One QA Jira board
I report to approximately 4 people remotely (depending on the task or the week).
There are three representatives from 'product' who dictate features and priorities (they often do not align).
I still maintain the 'prototype' to this day. The front-end team does not have access to the code of this 'prototype' (the clients' request). The client's QA team does not test against the 'prototype'.
The demos of the front-end version of the product include peanut-gallery design-by-committee 'bug call-outs', feature requests, and scope creep by attendees in the dozens from all manner of teams and directors.4
Dev: *completes tasks, pushes to UAT and assigns to PM in Jira for testing*
PM: *receives notifications and immediately bulk change on all taks and assigns to client without testing*
So what is it you do here...?6
Tutorial: How to get rid of your dev?
1. Find a very old (2+ years) jira task that took a lot of sleepless nights to get resolved.
2. Make sure that your dev is still on the watchers list.
3. Reopen to 'change some labels'.
4. Forget to close the task again.
5. Remove the body. Heart attack will get classified as a natural cause.
6. Close the task.1
Them: We should totally use JIRA
Me: Why? it's sucks so hard
Them: I like it because of the reports
Me: How often do you look at those reports?
Them: Once a week
Me: F**k that then, there's no way I am rummaging around in that crock of shit hundreds of times a day just so you can look at a report once a week
Developed a feature 4 weeks ago with a lot of requirements from PO, even more from QA, wrote beautiful code/tests, was actually happy after deploy since everything worked beautifully.
Sales increased a lot because of this.
Story created in Jira today by mentioned PO: As a PO I want to have that feature removed because it doesn‘t work in IE9. PO decides so I had to do this.
So: What exactly is the best way to hide a body?3
We're living in a world where 200 ko of RAM to send people to the moon, but 4 go isn't enough to make Jira fluid, while it's a fucking website.10
Reminder, include legal language in next project that says if we're using JIRA then we're using JIRA and not a thousand emails with requirements embedded in spreadsheets and PowerPoints.
I just moved my personal projects over to Jira... since I'm my own PM.. does that mean I hate myself?
Me: Open Jira. See 8 point story skip QA column and move into Done.
Ask dev why it didn’t go through QA.
Teammate: Oh, did they want to test this?
Commence argument that **all** stories need to go through QA.
Atlassian bitbucket you sad sorry piece of shit. I can see an old coworker's PR in the list but you won't accept it as a valid search target under the author searchbox, but even older ex-employees are searchable. What the flying fuck, go out of business.
And fuck you for JIRA as well.
FML, somebody here or somewhere wrote that al customers lie..
Just been a witnes to that.. Over skype (mind I reminded them to write to jira on several occasions so others can help if I am out of office) feature xy is not working.. I log in to server, I see no logs of person a doing anything with our system, let alone use the xy feature... Well duh, of course it doesn't work, it's not a freakin mind reader.. :/
Next time no help, no log checking, no nothing until they provide ss of what exactly they were doing.. :/ Fuuuuu....3
Whem you'd rather create a completely different system from scratch for work than fix that one JIRA ticket 😐
It's amazing how much you learn about a system when you are somewhat forced to administer it. #iKnowAllTheAtlassianShit
Jira workflow requires dept manager to approve and assign new issues to developers. He does this once a week. 😑5
So as expected, due to the rush of the submission on Friday, the app was rejected.
I'm fairly certain they never got past the first screen or two.
We have some things to fix, and some things to tackle properly now, which is quite nice, however the current main issue numero uno is that an Apple developer account can take up to 10 days to be created, and Go Live is next Monday.
I wonder who will get the blame for not taking on the "Investigate the iTunes release process" ticket that was in Jira, assigned to someone for ~4 months.
Personal favorite quotes from my cubemate...
- JIRA, God of Blunder!!
- trickle-down badge-o-nomics: when I have to ask someone else to lend me their badge because someone else borrowed mine
- Haskell users can kick a motherfunctor right in the monads
- You can't put monads in Go because they try to prefix everything with go-
- Always use live rounds when troubleshooting -- never blanks
- Equifax's Apache wasn't patchy enough
- I saw the last episode of the first season of The Last Kingdom
- You gnow it's good cause it's GNU1
to everyone who complains about poor methodoly usage:
I had a solo ptoject. I was told to do scrum. I had dailies.. with my PM. we were moving JIRA tickets around.
My manager always tell that we're less process oriented and self sufficient.
Later on, I understand what that means
- Poorly written JIRA tickets
- JIRA tickets with only title, rest for you to fill
- Two teams did same task, client side team pushing their change directly on master, while mine still waiting on code review will eventually get rejected
- Client writing raw SQL in ORM framework instead of using any single feature of ORM.4
Can't wait to get back to work tomorrow, long weekend of family has got me antsy for a jira ticket1
Dev work estimation is harder when the higher ups gives you a one line jira description and expect you to provide them with a timeline. Like how many times i gotta send the ticket back up the pipeline ><1
Happy Monday Ya'll, may your code be bug-less and JIRA unfilled.
(I know none of this will happen but damn it dream will you)
PLEASE RETROFIT THIS ISSUE TO THE BRANCH NOW! THIS NEEDS TO BE IN TODAY! NO EXCUSES!
Uhh, that would be ok if it weren't 40 commits over several JIRA issues in over 12 different modules... or if you had given me more than half a day to accomplish this task. But no. So here were are, at work at 7:30 pm spinning builds. Missing date night with my S.O.
And now the build is red.
Thank you for deleting our very first sprint.
The development was horrible and the management was a bizarre.
Thank you JIRA, and that one gay who accidentally deleted all 120+ stories and task.
PS. Calling gay is not an offensive word. He likes being called gay2
Rant one of monday!!
Monday stand up meeting....
Reviewing jira tasks
Front end:" well, I dont think that is a priority but IM NOT TEST DRIVEN DEVELOPER SO...."
Jira task? Local env for testing in minikubes.
Ahhh the cool startup isssss sooooo cool he takes decisions about that, model the app or even estimates the deadlines of the product (the product not jira tickets)
Isnt it cool? Why not give that power to juniors? Why not tell them they dont need to learn and junior is just something they label to pay cheap for them?1
for my job I need to know,
Programming, C#, Optimization, Multithreading and Async code, Working certain tools, Reading difficult written code, Understanding, Physics, Networking, Rendering, Codeloops, Memory management, Profiling tools, Being able to make Jira tickets and read Jira tickets. Understanding source control branching, merging, push and pull. bug fixing.
And I write almost 1 line of code a week on average..
I'm a programmer.3
The typical university project as a group:
- Discuss/Make somebody create the items in Jira: 2 days
- Implementation: 2 hours
- Tests: What are tests? Do I write them in my main method?
- Review/Someone sees the code: 9 hours
- Staging/Production: No one is ever going to use the "software"2
Dev management high muckety muck: "Even though I never speak to or communicate with any of you personally, my Jira charts indicate that you are sub optimal." Absentee managers can't help but be dickheads.
Spent an entire day clearing the backlog of the previous sprints in JIRA. Now i am seeing jira numbers everywhere :/2
when you spend more time in JIRA explaining the client that their bug is not a bug but misconfiguration on their side than actual programming. :-/
error between chair and keyboard.1
Call me a novice, but isn't the point of a user story to be concise, limited in scope and only concerning one purpose? Kind of like a class should only have one responsibility.
This stupid other reviewer developer comes whining at me saying I broke some shit in my user story and that I need to fix it. The weirdest part is that I didn't break anything. I wrote all my tests, they all passed and yep, this guy has the nerve to come and say that I broke other shit. Well genius, if it's OTHER SHIT, then it belongs as a bug in ANOTHER STORY. What the fuck man, seriously.
A few minutes of debugging later, I found out it was someone else who broke some code earlier on a piece that was part of my part of the application.
Why are others so quick to blame? This is unprofessional. OMG I DISCOVERED AN ERROR, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE TO BLAME BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IGNORANT GUY BECAUSE YOUR TITLE IS JUNIOR DEVELOPER!
Companies like these, people, have bad communication. Bad companies.2
Project managers moved all the tickets around and then got mad that we couldn't find them to log our time.
Mass mutiny about logging time in general and expected dev hours per week.
They returned the tickets to the old system at least
Boss opens ONE task and keeps adding more requests in the comments WHILE I'm working on it.
It's like we don't have rules anymore.2
On a global scale, how much of Google's storage space is being consumed by unread JIRA emails.3
Project Lead: The DevOps department just got a GitLab instance installed on our internal network. We're gradually going to move all our projects onto it and move away from BitBucket and Jenkins really soon.
Project Lead: We're still using JIRA and Confluence for issue tracking and documentation though because the higher ups said so.
We often give access to a product owner from the customer on our Jira to keep up a good communication and everyone stays up to date as everything is on the board and not hidden in emails or paper notes on the desk of the guy that is on vacation.
So far, so good
Our customers really like this as they can comment on tickets and they are integrated in the workflow because they can push into the backlog and can review finished tasks.
It is just getting better for everyone so where is the rant?
One project is just a dump of shitty mixed content tickets. But how? They look really neat. There are tickets like "fixes from meeting 20th of may" which are initially well structured with approximately 4 subtle changes to the UI and some explanation and screenshots.
PM says: Good ticket. There you go ticket, into the customer review loop of doom.
20 comments and 13 status changes later. Point 43 from comment 17 is referenced in comment 20 to keep on hold as a third party needs to give feedback, point 7 is still not solved correctly as dev 2 was not aware that it was already discussed and changed in the ticket "Call from 25th of may" where in addition the resolution of points 5-12 were requested with an additional excel file to import.
By now we have the 8th of august and literally 17 of these kind of tickets.
I guess we need to improve the workflow and request a new product owner. But this far I just table flip everytime I get one of these tickets assigned.2
Our team uses story format titles for JIRAS like As a ..., I want...
But in our git repo, a lot of people create branches using the same name:
And I'm always like why the fuck can't you take 5s to name your branches more descriptively? I usually name mines using some keywords from the Jira Title
But wondering now what do you all think/do?2
JIRA queue just dropped into the single digits for the first time in weeks. It's getting me right in the feels.
After reporting several bugs/blockers, demanding the product owner to set up some kind of notification her answer is:
We know the problem, first ocured 2 years ago, but I'm not in the mood to do something.
Ticket: Closed/Won't fix or Clodes/Works as designed
they're having me log my time in 30 minute increments, with each 30 minute block assigned to a jira ticket, as well as keeping track of my slack status throughout the day3
Back to Excel for control project, sih 😢, just because my non tech boss can't work with JIRA and it confused him. Do you guys know any idiot friendly control project before I having a heart attack?2
Does anyone else's manager measure their performance based on jira ticket count or merges to master? It feels like a new lines-of-code measure to me...5
My experience with SCRUM:
Everytime some say:
Lets try scrum.. couple weeks later dropping it.
Just use Jira instead, and meetings once a week.
I Never have seem (Official) Scrum working in a team for a long period.3
!rant.. When the client makes you do something stupid, and you try to tell them, but they still want it, so you give it to them, and weeks later, they come back asking you to revert it.... ugh!!
I wanna comment on the jira "I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so!!!" so bad..6
The moment when the UI designers had included their design as a zeplin link in your Jira story. You finished coding it, the designers made changes to it and expected me to magically know about it.2
So I was in a training course today teaching us the basics of JIRA. (Turns out when they said basics, they really mean basic. I learnt nothing) Out of the blue, mid way through the lecture, a lady in her late 40's asks, "Can you copy and paste into JIRA". The worst part is, is the probability earns more than double my wage...1
I dunno for you guys and I am sorry in advance but what is jira? "a proprietary issue tracking product providing bug tracking, issue tracking and project management functions" right?
so why the fuck do I need to write a fucking "Log Work" when I pee, when I poop, when I go out taking a break, when I drink coffee...2
if you are a good developer, been dispensable in a project is like quicksand: the more you try not to be, more important you become ... and you die choked by Jira tickets and anger1
This week I delivered a big feature (took me about 2 weeks), QAs tested it yesterday results in about 10 Jira issues. When looking at these 8 was fake issues (QAs forgot to configure some stuffs) and 2 was feature requests. I feel some stress, I'm not sure it's a great success or I should test myself to see if there is really no problem :D2
Manager asked me to create a spreadsheet showing tasks in a project with percentage complete to send to client.
Sounds easy, even though I prefer JIRA, I created spreadsheet with all tasks and asked each developer responsible to fill in percentage done.
But I did it completely wrong. I have to give estimate for how long it took for each task and make sure total complete is 70 percent and number of days add up to 10. WTF guess the estimate to match the total. And this is how you teach me project management.
Did I mention that all this is happening after most of the project is done?1
Hi fellow geeks, so I'm ranting about the lack of basic will and ability of my company people to RTFM that I've prepared to them of how to use the shiny new JIRA that I've configured.
Any idea for a short funny clip (eg simpsons, seinfeld, the office, familyguy whatever) that somehow relates to the above that I can show them in a presentation?
Out company standard tools, which we are all supposed to use... (JIRA, confluence) .... IT had blacklisted docs.atlassian.....2
Open a older case in #JIRA and either I'm in past or this thing is messing with me today Jan 30, 20182
For you Jira users, as song:
(to the tune of "Everything is Awesome" from The Lego Movie)
Everything is due day before yesterdaaayyyy!!"
Dear JIRA... Fuck!
Why can't you offer integration with TFS? You used to! Now you'll go down in the bag of unused software. Right next to iTunes for Windows.1
I made a point to the management that people are unnecessarily reworking things and throwing away. And all products should have a product owner and they should give requirements. So the management called the same guy(who fucking does pointless rewrites in the name of code cleanup) and said come up with a solution. The guy came with a solution of Agile + Jira and a whole fucking process behind it. So guess what, we are having pointless meetings when we can just finish and ship deliverables.
The management successfully founded an efficient way to effectively waste time. Kuddos.4
So I accidentally used an email as a username to create an account through Jira for mongodb to report a bug.. That apparently breaks the entire Jira login system. I cant recover my account, and I can't create another account because my email is already in use.. Thanks Jira for deciding I'm going to bar before I go home today...9
I'm looking for a good JIRA app for Android. I've been using JIRA in Motion, but it lacks flexibility.1
My JIRA fanatic manager: log whatever you do during the day, even the smallest things are important. and you have all the material needed for next day's standup meet.
me, on a particular tuesday:
bitched about an unreasonable bug raised by the testing team
listened to Rihanna's song Diamonds
had four mugs of coffee
, among various other things.
manager: so, ssup?
me: eh, didn't do much yesterday. was one of those down days I guess.
Guess who was asked to write "didn't do much yesterday" on all the JIRA tickets assigned to him?
Soooo how was your productive day?
I kept getting interrupted by a co-worker every 5 minutes with stupid questions (like "I want to see you log into Jira so I know it work for you", I have never had issues with it), the deadline is only in 2 days, we're still missing a few features, and I'm off tomorrow btw, also I'm the only developer in my department for now
Soooo how was your productive day?1
So we're using Jira Wiki for all the documentation related work. It's hell rich with features as they describe. But for me easiest way is to write doc on markdown and then copy paste on Wiki. Highlights code, format tables and aligns paras perfectly.2
Today we received a new scrum master. Seems nice enough.
Now he wants to remove the fucking swimlanes from OUR jira board and change them into separate sub tasks.
Clicked "Reader View" on a Jira card in Firefox. Firefox displays a JSON object which it estimates is going to take me 17-20 minutes to read.
Go home, Firefox, you're drunk.
I spend the first 30 min of my day, every day, cleaning up the shit storm that my "PM" hacked together in JIRA. I really wish she would be taken off this project.1
Talking about some new feature he haven't totally thought about. so i tell him to think about it.
Talking about a bug, but can't reproduce it.
Talking about another enormous new feature but halt it after hearing the initial estimation.
Total time waster = 1.5 hours for every day.
DON'T LET CUSTOMERS WASTE YOUR DEVELOPMENT TIME.
instead of talking - use project tracking software (i.e. JIRA)
I had a gentleman tell me I was overqualified, and then proceed to ask me for help with Agile software (jira)! 😂 I gave him my card!
Received an email -
Wanted to connect with you as Mr. X suggested you can provide an architectural on the JIRA system."
How vague can things be? Lost as to what should be the appropriate response.4
I'm so, so tired of stand-ups. We have JIRA, and basically all we do is read the board—ticket number, ETA, blockers. We've done some Slack stand-ups, but my managers insist we all be in the room to communicate the same shit we communicate very effectively on Slack.5
Uh oh, watch out for the latest security issue in Atlassian products ...
I am introducing the Thunderdome policy:
2 Tickets enter 1 Ticket leaves. (Aka 1 Ticket gets worked on the other one gets deleted.)
When the product designer ask me to move my bug fix Jira ticket back because there's a style change.
I got tired of the tedium of navigating dropdowns and required fields to open and close user stories, so I wrote a script with the following syntax:
./ticket open TICKET TITLE GOES HERE
./ticket close <TICKET #>3
Would be nice to have a closed ticket status on jira that just says RTFM. Hell, even reading the error message would be a start. As would not trying to upload year-old data prepared for a different CRM platform.
"Last sprint was three weeks long and you guys completed it successfully. Building on that success let's double the points and half the available time!"1
I have come to an interesting realization. I am nothing more than an abstraction layer around Jira.1
I think I am going to keep a desktop counter of every time the other team bitches about not having tool x or tool y rather than learning the tools we already have that are perfectly capable of serving the purpose they want. I get that devs should be allowed to have the tools they need to do the job, but at a certain point you're yelling at a cloud to start raining. Especially since we work in a restricted environment and IT's backlog is ridiculous.
Did you ever think time estimations are hard? If so, did you ever try adding your actual taken time months after working on a ticket?8
When I was in my previous company, we used a Jira tag named as 'IE Issue' 😆
The best part is, even clients understood it!
As a Client, I want to have on my left-side menu link to the FAQ page.
On the page should be:
How I verify my balance?
Bla bla bla
How can I see my personal details?
Bla bla bla
How I logout?
Bla bla bla
Do anyone know if this is contagious ?4
Atlassian truly know its way to use marketing euphemisms in such a way that it feels like a slap in my face and kick into my groins.
The next time my app crashes and people come running to me that they cannot used it at all, I will simply state that I am looking into reports of people seemingly experiencing "degraded performance".
At least they are consistent, as they did that as well in the past with their [minor glitch](https://devrant.com/rants/922343/...) thing.1
I worked as an backend dev the last 2 years and was maintaining and connecting external APIs to our system. If one of these did not work properly or their test system went down I needed half a fucking day closing all JIRA issues named "EXTERNAL system not reachable" . Who needs speaking error messages anyways...
Can anyone explain why the Assign Issue and Resolve Issue dialogs in JIRA are modal, so that I can't look at the issue I am assigning/resolving while writing my comment and filling out all the other mandatory fields?
And if you close and reopen the dialog, all your changes are lost. Second tab it is...1
My boss yelled at me Monday for brining up that no one in the office is a fan of Jira.
He yelled and gave 4 rules.
1. Task Numbers
2. Multiple Project Overview
3. Integrates with Github
4. No one bitches
I spent the day uploading data from Jira into clubhouse2
New startup - our backend stack is php, js, mysql, mongo & redis
Can you guys recommend nice-to-have internal tools that could make out lifes easier? We’ve been using confluence so far and thinking on grabbing a jira license.
Any advice is helpful 🤪11
Is there any alternatives to Atlassian's Confluence and Jira?
We used to use GitHub projects and wiki, but "the business" wanted a more formalised process and access controls on kanban boards and backlogs.
We started using Jira and Confluence last month, but Jira have been incredibly slow with a horrible interface also Everytime I create a new issue it feels like I'm wasting a lot of time compared to the time needed to setup an issue on GH and add it to a project board, plus the entire team is used to using markdown which doesn't work great on Jira.
I've looked for some alternative but I wonder what you are using out there!5
Fuck Jira. That motherfucker sucks up almost 500mb of my ram and I need that shit since I'm running vscode and 5 other tabs minimum. And I only have 8gb how low it is right (!). Even my PC is idle whenever I open jira it starts to hangs so badly WTF YOU CODDED THERE ASHOLES CHECK YOUR CODE. I needed to get this off me I'm still mad that there is no console jira with only text
Hey look at these awesome features we offer in the new version!
*carefully upgrades servers*
*app runs smoothly for few hours*
(Docker container exited with code 137) x 100
Another dev: "I can't see the data flowing through the pipeline"
Boss: "Hmm, why did we upgrade again?"
*checks jira issue for the software*
Bug Report #125 fixed in the next version.
Fuck this shit!1
1) receive functional requirements
2) create functional specification, post it on forum (no jira)
3) create memo document, post it on forum (no jira)
4) create analysis document with actual code changes without seeing the code (wait for step 8), post it on forum (no jira)
5) receive review on analysis document, fix it and post (no jira, redmine etc from now till the end of rant)
6) after analysis is approved make a checkout request
7) source code manager checkouts files from svn and posts them on forum along with the files list
8) you make actual changes to the code, post changed sources on forum
9) source code manager makes a review to check that amendment commet is present in source code and is properly tagged, and every line of code chnged is properly tagged (you are not allowed to delete anything, not even one space, you need to comment it (and put an appropriate tag))
10) after you passed review you fill in standard compilation request form
11) you code is compiled and elf is put on testing stand
12) you fill in "actual behaviour" and "expected behaviour" columns near description of changed function in template of unit test plan document (yeah we have unit testing) and post it on forum
13) if testing ok changed sources and compiled elfs along with its versions (cksum) commited to svn (not by you, there is a source code manager for that)
14) if someone developed function in same source file as you "commited" he is warned by source code manager and fills checkout request form again
Looks like I am beginning my freelance journey.
Usefull Issue Tracker / Project Management tool?
If it's foss and written in python that would be great, I would probably try to extend it with extensions later on.3
PM, we are going to go to an agile methodology for working. (despite PM having never done agile, and most of the team having never done agile) But we will have 4 week sprints, as 2 week sprints are too short. We are going to have daily stand ups, oh but we'll only have then once a week... And we will keep the 3 hour mid week meeting. Oh and we'll keep our existing JIRA, but you also need to use *new* JIRA as well, but that's going to the customer so don't post bugs on it.... (all with a ln important delivery in a few months) The suggestion of getting an adviser (either internal or external) who has experience with agile to help us transition smoothly and provide best practice got shot down. feels like the blind leading the blind...2
atlassian confluence you sack of shit I make a page/document, you tell me one of the images is broken after saving
well fuck, how the fuck does this shit happen?
I assume you make oodles of cash from all the fucking companies who use your products and apparently there's no competitors with the level of integration from all the garbage of confluence, jira, bitbucket etc. At this rate maybe you can outdo Gamefreak in terms of ratio of profit to incompetence/laziness.
Now I have 6 projects on JIRA and I have lots of data collected from all projects (for example visitors on website, how many of them donated money in our project and etc.).
I am looking for some software/app where I could import lots of data from these reports and I want to be able to compare datasets or see some overview.
What should I use?3
So our company has been talking about bringing in the full Atlassian suite (JIRA, Bamboo, Bitbucket, Fisheye and Crucible). Anyone familiar with using the entire suite? Just wondering what kind of hell to expect.13
Questions more then a rant...
I've moved from being a lead on imploring DevOps and Agile practices in a large Telco to now working for a security consultancy... The team I'm with are s*** hot when it comes to SecOps (which is why I changed jobs) and I've been hired to he the automation and working practice expert on the team. Already got some of them learning Ansible which is a great start!
I've got delivery now being pushed to Git and all client work being tracked in Jira and properly documented and collaborated through HipChat and other CI tools on the way....
My question is this... Does anyone have some awesome resources to teach people Git, Jira, Jenkins, etc. quickly without forking or branching out on expensive training? Focus on being a technical but consultative team. Ideally just wanna pull some awesome guides and make. My own commits on them for the team... Please fire a story or epic away!1
So, a requirement is flagged in Altassian and I took that requirement.
Code Review done and committed in dev branch, and later to release branch.
After 3 weeks, QA raises a defect.
Turns out, BA has updated the requirement but didn't inform anyone.(Was updated after the code was merged in release branch).
QA took the latest version, raised a defect with high priority.
On confronting BA, he casually comments they'll update when required. It's the dev's responsibility to check the JIRA.
TL;DR; Its the dev who should check and update the code after commiting in release branch, even if Altassian gets updated 3 weeks later from release. -_-.
Those devs that put TODO comments everywhere in code. When has anyone actually ever seen a TODO and DID it? Put the task in jira/trello/whatever and leave the future source of confusion out of the code base!3
I've almost had enough of Atlassian. So, our customers want us to integrate Jira / Confluence support into our software.
I initially thought it would be a great addition to the other providers we support, so I explored it further.
After trying Confluence – and already knowing first-hand how horrendous Jira is from a previous role – I left in absolute disgust at not only how horrendously slow, buggy and overengineered Confluence is (just like Jira), but how horrendously FUCKING SHIT their developer / API documentation is. I suspended the project at this point. No fucking way was I allowing time to be sucked away because another company can't get their shit together.
Customers kept asking for integration support, so I authorized the team to revisit Jira integration support a few weeks ago. Nothing has changed. Documentation is as shit as before, software as slow as before and the platform as overengineered as before. No surprises.
Here's the problem:
1. You can't set multiple auth callback URLs so you can actually test your implementation.
2. You can't revoke access tokens programmatically. Yes, really.
3. You need to submit a ticket to get your integration approved for use by others, because automating this process is clearly fucking impossible. And then they ask questions you've already answered before. They don't review your app or your integration beyond the information you provided in the ticket.
4. Navigating the Atlassian developer documentation is like trying to navigate through a never-ending fucking minefield. Go on, try it: https://developer.atlassian.com/clo.... Don't get too lost.
I was so very FUCKING CLOSE to terminating this integration project permanently.
Atlassian, your software is an absolute fucking joke. I have no idea why our customers use your platform. It's clearly a sign of decades of lazy and incompetent engineering at work, trying to do too much and losing yourself in the process.
You can't even get the fundamental shit right. It's not hard to write clean, maintainable code and simple, clear and concise API documentation.1
If you have a Google document related to this JIRA issue, can you just take the 30 seconds to flippin attach the link to the issue please? Don't make me search Google Drive to find your work.
Best tool to manage multiple software projects? I have like 5 of them at the moment and I'm the only one working. Already tried JIRA, Trello but one seems like an overkill and trello is too simple.5
Team Lead (not my team, thankfully) sends outs a team-wide message (in their exact words):
"please DM me with the task link if you are adding any new tasks in Jira. This is to make sure that i am aware of any ad-hoc task coming up in the jira queue and also to make sure that all the task are following a common template."
Interpretation : "I'm just too lazy to look at each jira issue after the last one that I followed up on (which is my job BTW). So I'll add some extra work for you to explain everything to me on DM"
Way to go for killing productivity. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Thankfully, this is not my team. If they were my team lead, I'd be super furious. I'd even report it to upper management. I'd even offer to do their job and let them do mine. I think their job just got so easy if everyone was to go report to him like that.3
I'm curious - how strict are you (or how strict is your lead / manager) about keeping stuff both detailed and up to date in Jira (both in terms of sprints & tickets)?
I've always drawn a pretty hard line with this - stuff in our Jira environment always has a detailed description, approximate estimate, is kept up-to-date with who's working on it, assigned appropriately, etc. But others I've spoken to seem to barely care if any tasks are in there properly at all.1
Does anyone know a relevant alternative to Atlassian's JIRA? Damn their pricing is like 10$ for 10 people and 250$ for 25 people. WTF12
Tempo has lost its reference to the issues on which I'm trying to log work. Used to press 'W' on an issue and that issue was automatically selected as "Issue key", but now I have to select it manually. A small problem I know, yet it annoys the crap out of me.
Every day, the SM likes to come by the dev table and ask what our updates are (stalking jira + dev slack channel is apparently too boring).
He comes by every 2 hours.
Each time asking about how close I am to finishing not only the current feature but the other stories I have to work on too.
The other stores are not in progress, what makes you think I was working on them in the background of what I'm currently working on?
Doesn't help that we somehow keep adding stories mid sprint,
Is there anyone out there who uses absolutely everything JIRA has to offer? I've worked with it since starting my career and I still find it a massive fucking overkill.
Confluence WYSIWYG-editor shall burn in a thousand hells. This thing pretends to be smart, yet all its autoformatting achieves is to enrage me. I don't remember dropping so many f-bombs in such a short time frame.
I hoped to ease to the pain by writing markdown, yet I can only write markdown in a new insert markup window which does not even comprehend nested lists. And don't get me started that it wants to push its Confluence Wiki syntax first. Why does it need to reinvent the wheel?
Why can't I disable the WYSIWYG feel of it and just write plain old markdown?
Confluence, you are part of the problem!
I rather keep the documetnation inside the git repostory inside of md files. But no, confluence shall be our source of soon to be outdated documentation.
Being greedy is good at some point, but when you're so greedy that you take up a project without any tickets (JIRA Sprint) and requirements over Skype.
That being said, managers should not get greedy all the time.
I mean when the previous developer left he made is so difficult(I am assuming) to run that hourly job, that it took me around
> 4 hours to fix spaghetti code still job not running,
> Fix missing parameters still not working
Finally said to the manager that the configurations are not on the server which are being used in the code.
Have you guys had any trouble trying to get the BAs to use JIRA for issue reporting/management? The dev team just upgraded to new JIRA and we are getting hard pushback... they're wanting to stick with 1-4 excel spreadsheets on a share drive...3
Digital transformation is pain in the ass, my customer migrated project management from self hosted jira to atlassian cloud.
I am finally able to login to this new amazing jira that looks completely different but still nothing is optimized to laptop screen so looks crap as before.
My issues are now assigned to not existing user.
At least I remember how to use basic JQL and reassign issues to me.
I feel bad to other team members.
Great waste of time.7
My word. The way how bad and patchy the Atlassian Server SDK is documented makes development of JIRA and Confluence plug-ins an absolute horror story.
Nothing fucking works the way you'd expect it to, the development server takes upwards of 5 minutes to simply refresh a page and oooh the shit ton of money this wacky piece of horseshite costs my employer makes my head explode.
But the worst thing is:
We just have to fucking make some easy stuff we could completely just use static pages for to talk to JIRA's REST API, but someone in management made using confluence an acceptance criteria, cause some asshats somewhere else in our company made a custom confluence space - based thingy for another customer "and that's cool"
Submenu Boards doesn't show in Firefox 45.5.0 when viewing a single issue. This is really frustrating as I can't move quickly between the sprint board and a specific issue. What also sucks about jira is that there is no way to report bugs like this (perhaps Atlassian sincerely believe that they never have any bugs in their products), leaving devrant as the only resort to let out steam ;)
Our Jira does reindexing every night. At that time no issues could be created or resolved.
It just tells us to go to sleep in its own weird way.
When you've been handling multiple production defects and software PMR tickets for the last couple of months and the morning of a new sprint your JIRA/SCRUM/Kanban/task/whatever board is empty under your name. Feels good man.
This is so fucking stupid. Fuck. When they log defects on jira for different issues on the same page but in different tickets I end up having merge conflicts with myself. Like are you fucking kidding me?
me: this installation needs swap space on server
ops: we don't do swap space on AWS
me: ಠ_ಠ OK, what other solution can you provide me?
ops: here, use this real (bare metal) server we have
me: will it have all the same access and installed packages I had used on the AWS server?
ops: no, you need to create tickets for that
So when at work I love working from Jira/TFS and having little interaction when i'm battling through Code/Documentation
But Next time my manager strolls over to my desk and kicks my chair i'm Gona King Leonidas his ass out the 3rd floor window
FFS please reach out via Lync if u are planning to come up and annoy my tits!!!!!!
we have been working... we swear...
this is right at the end of a project which was artificially extended because the review process wasn't setup in time. we've had to do certain things the product owners way, whilst shaking our heads and this useful chart is one of the side effects. sidenote, product owner is looking at this chart and showing it to higher ups, trying to show progress being made... i give up.
Are you able to imagine working on group project without VCS and project management software like Jira?
You don't have to imagine it, just go on my university where people would most preferably use notepad and pendrives to share files.
Gotta say, that's an interesting experience.
That moment, when code freeze is tomorrow and you have a critical jira ticket, which couldn't reproduced in your setup or the qa's, so that you end up resolving it without doing anything
Ahh most of my development time includes, handling JIRA tickets and arranging them in their respective state.. 😅
Has anyone used CA's Rally for issue tracking? Is it as bad for devs as I've been warned?
We are being forced to use it instead of Jira because of the pretty reports it generates for management and I am kind of scared...5
The biggest distraction in all issue trackers is the hemorrhaging backlog of tickets that will _never_ be done, or aren't important yet.
This is why I just choose not to even bother opening it and let my PM close them out. :-)
How do you get fellow teammates to participate in Lunch and Learns?
Anyone have good tips or tactics in how to engage your team to want to present or talk about topics they care about?
How can they do this without it feeling like it's Extra work on top of all the jira fires they fight?
Besides bribe them with food ... That's a given. 😉😉3
So our code gets released on Monday. Do you guys think I survive another week and not get fired?
It’s Friday. Survived another week. I feel like Monday is like my last day. I feel every day is my last day at work.
Well for many reasons which are true. Rewording my review so that I don’t get fired prematurely:
Sucks at Jira, does not do many code reviews, lot of technical debt. There is more...
So, I wanted a little suggestion here.
I'm currently interning at a startup and currently we document our build procedures by creating .docx files containing the steps. But docx is a pain in the ass. I'd rather prefer markdown for documentation.
Are there any better tools for documenting? What do you guys use?
We're using Jira for project management bdw.1
Had three jira tickets assigned to me, two fundamentally opposed each other, the third aimed to address contradictions in the first two. None of them actually had any description so after a day of trying to find out what needs to be done I've made little progress but a lot of sitting quietly with my head in my hands.
Now I'm getting emails from my manager on why they haven't been closed yet.
What's your team's best practice when using JIRA (on premises or cloud) and VSTS or GitHub?
Who manages issues/tickets and are they duplicated in both locations? Is one for PM only and other for Devs??
We have both tools and I'm trying to figure out a workflow that doesn't kill devs and PMs.
We have Office 365 so I heavily use MS Flow to help (Jira bug turns into vsts work item) etc, but any insight from anyone who has a similar setup would be appreciated!
Opened a JIRA ticket on my list, check the comments, a bunch of comments, two of which contain the whole email body of an email that contain whole skype conversations (starting with "hi")... Ffs, I don't need to know how you greeted a person who you asked for info on the ticket and I don't need to know that that was sent to you via email and to that person via skype... Just.. ugh
Did anyone of testers know if there is any free online test case management tool available for small development project? since I was trying to use JIRA, but the license is not free. So any advises? Thank you.2
Why on earth does the Bit Bucket user search when assigning an issue bring up every bloddy user until you typed their name fully.
Surely, team mates should show first.
Maybe JiRA is better?2
I'm looking project for 6h Hackathon. We use Atlassian in our company, bitbucket and slack. Do you have some ideas? I'm thinking about desktop application in Vue + Electron to help logging time in Jira
Does anybody know how to make the story points from sub-tasks in Jira count towards reports when they're completed?
This graph is completely meaningless.1
So, why is everybody's answer for a windows based git server bit bucket, but Linux does it naturally?
Why is everybody writing Jira comments as emails?!! If they write 5 comments two the same issue they use the same format.
Now I have to respond the same way....