"Would you really call Facebook a social media platform?" - Head of IT at a prominent organization

Sometimes I really do get carried away...

Hey DevRant, this is my first time working collaboratively on a project with Git and I'd like to know what's the best strategy to adopt.

Is it that every member has their own branch on origin that they push to, then we meet and plan out merges when it's time to release? Or does everyone just push to master, but stash or commit their local changes before they pull?

It's a Greenfield project, with just a bare repository on the central server. It's an MVC app where I've decided to do the View & Controller portions and the other person is doing Models and data services layers.

Me showing boss a draft document

Me: Ok so this is a placeholder list of statuses, I have to call the client to find out what statuses should go here.

Boss: Hold on lemme read it. *Reads*. But this list of statuses is incomplete, you should call the client to find out what statuses we should add.

Me: ಠ_ಠ

I don't understand, you pester me to send you an email and stress how it's so important. I send you the email and you don't read it. I remind you about the email days later and you still don't read it. You miss a deliverable because you DIDN'T READ THE FUCKING EMAIL I SENT AND ITS SOMEHOW MY FAULT??!?

Furthermore, you call a meeting after the fact and ask me to read out and explain the contents of the email to you? GTFO you friggin time drain 🖕

Hey guys, how would you rate iOS vs Android for privacy? I read recently that Android pulls up to 10x more data off of your phone (for data mining) than iOS and that overall, iOS is really the mobile OS of choice when privacy and control of your data is a priority.

Anyone have any hard evidence to support this?

I put this chart on my desk since my boss thinks every little thing requires my immediate and undivided attention. It comprises of a few of his favourite words in a vague order. Watching him try to choose the most potent word to describe the most recent whim of general staff is worth a few chuckles.

Me: Ok, this sounds like a good idea, however we need to consult the Act to ensure we're not breaking any laws by requesting this new information and making it mandatory.

Boss: I am trying to ensure good database management and data design principles, why can't you just agree with me?

Me:... I agree with you... But changing up the process like this may put us in hot water, let's just check to ensure we're good on the legal front --

Boss: The law is just a guide. My primary concern and your concern should be the design of this database and ensuring we stick to good data management principles!

Me and other technical staff: 👀

How do you deal with a boss that is not very intelligent, but fights you, your team, executive management and project stakeholders on critical system design decisions?

Everyone else is worn out, the project is long overdue and I'm running out of energy, myself. Do I just do what everyone else does and let him have his way and prepare myself to deal with the imminent problems ahead, or do I keep fighting for a well designed system that customers will enjoy using?

I think some managers would be happier if there was no leave allowance for staff in their contracts. Every single time I apply for a day it's like pulling teeth with this guy. When 3 years of vacation leave backs up and I *have* to take all at once then it's a problem too. Tf is it with some people?

By chance, anybody heard of any plans to move Windows over to a Unix based something? These back slashes are driving me crazy!!!!

Why you should always test your batch jobs

Man I totally forgot about this framework/lib from back in the day. I was reminded when I was installing WhatsApp on Windows. Wx Widgets, oh the memories!

I love how tutorials advocating against ORMs use examples with tables that are only 5 columns wide.

In this season of a fussy toddler with the flu, Window docking saved my sanity!

Had to create this table tent because mfs just couldn't take a hint. I also have one for when I'm concentrating/deep in code zone.

Who knew running OCR on a 70 page scanned document would take 42 minutes and eat nearly all your RAM? RIP server 🤣🤣🤣

When it comes to users, perception is everything.

The task: Choose x random contractor numbers for us to assign to y jobs.

Me: How many contractors are there?
Mgr: 25
Me: How many jobs need assignment?
Mgr: 25
Me: Does the program need to assign contractors to individual jobs?
Mgr: No, we just need the 25 contractor numbers
Me: Well in that case just use the list I gave you earlier.
Mgr: No, we can't do that. It won't be random
Me: 😑😑😑😑😑

Fix? Return a list of 25 contractor numbers in a slightly different order than the one originally submitted (5 or 6 items moved around)

The manager was pleased.

Sitting here scrolling my timeline seeing my friends and family getting engaged, getting their degrees, getting new jobs, talking about #addictedtosuccess and all that. Meanwhile I'm just here like "Should I use a constructor or a static method for this?" 🤷🏽‍♂️

*At a vendor meeting*
Manager: Is "sex" a required field?
Vendor: Yes, sex is mandatory
Me:

Wrote some code. Didn't work.
Cleared all build caches, deleted project files and re-opened the project from scratch. Code still doesn't work.
Copied the same code over to a new project. Works.
I FUCKING HATE DAYS LIKE THESE!!!

This is the LAST TIME a critical PC component will fail me in the middle of a project. Wtf is up with hardware makers these days? Why can't you make a video card that will last for more than a year, AMD?? FFS!

Desktop for gaming, laptop for code. Now to redo my workstation AGAIN. 😭

To my coworker who gets notifications 5 times a minute:

PUT YOUR F**KING PHONE ON SILENT, YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

Jeeze, it's like some people have ZERO workplace etiquette 😡😡😡

How modern smartphone OSs (Android) deal with battery charge.

// handler for when the battery level changes
public void onLevelChange (BatteryInfo info) {
if(info.batteryLevel() < 99) Device.getBattery().drainAllCharge()
}

Anybody here moved to Gitlab from GitHub? If so, why?

Spent about an hour and a half getting an NPE. Cleaned the project, rebuilt, restarted IntelliJ, danced the ancient code dance... Nothing.

Clicked Run one more time and everything worked. TF was that about? I HATE these types of bugs!!

Even as a past "offender" I think we need a separate section for jokes now. 😒

I don't get it, why would you put infinite scroll on a site that has useful links in the footer?

Web, particularly the mobile web.

Why? I just found the concept of platform silos to be dumb. I want my creations to be experienced by as many people as possible.

I was walking in the cineplex after watching a movie today and saw an advertisement for "a digital loyalty card platform for retail outlets. Get loyalty cards on your phone!" being used by a big brand in my country.

The thing is, although not a terribly original idea, I first thought of developing a system/platform like this all the way back in 2012. I coded it, I advertised, I lobbied HARD; I poured my damn soul into this thing. Nobody accepted it. I scrapped it because I thought it was just not a good idea, only to see what is essentially a clone of it being shown off and lauded as a brand new innovative solution.

I won't lie, seeing that ad so prominently and proudly displayed really crushed me. I honestly don't know what makes their rendition better than mine, since mine did pretty much the same thing theirs does and my design chops are pretty much on par with theirs. I was rejected and I don't know why and that stings more than the countless other times my other ideas were shot down because of market mismatch, logistical flaws or just shortsightedness on the part of potential customers.

This isn't an invitation to a pity party, and I can't say there is a moral to this little anecdote, but I feel moved to share this experience with you guys.

Pick from it and learn what you will, I hope this falls under the eyes of the right person out there.