Dear fellow JS devs, if you make 1 more good damn module loader I swear to god....

Hi - here's a new module bundler named parcel.

FFS

I met 2 of my friends on the job, we we're on the same team. We supported each other. We drank a bunch. We all went out a bunch. Those 2 friends started dating. Then we all decided to be roommates, because why not. 5 years later, we're still roommates and none of us work at the company we started at.

Hah, a SaaS platform approached me about my open source project. They said, "let's collaborate". After getting into it they said, would you mind replacing xyz in your library with our platform?

Me: Replacing?

I won't go through the rest of the convo since it reveals too much. But damn nice way to stamp out competition. Just kill all the open source frameworks that provide alternatives to your product.

Shaking my fist - devs with grand architecture plans that they never follow through on, and try to get everyone else to do the work. Or when they fuck up never stepping up and taking responsibility and just leaving the fallout for everyone else to deal with. Follow through, damnit that's all I'm asking for.

Making music definitely made me a better programmer. In fact playing lots of instruments showed me the different roles that exist on a team. Lead guitarists are kinda like programmers, constantly looking for the next challenging song to make. Singers and rhythm guitarists are like the team leads and PMs who want a nice bow on the product. Drummers are like designers really, they kinda show up and make something bad ass and disappear. Bass players are like solid backend or ops folks silently making stuff stable and grounded.

Me: soooo can you get this done by next week?
Other dev: well who knows what rabbit hole I'll fall down. There's no way to tell.
Me: can you just avoid falling down a rabbit hole? We have a deadline.
Other dev: oh ya there's no way to know for sure.
Me: ....... Can you please try harder
Other dev: I'm trying I can't.
Me: ................

I want to talk at a frontend conference. I've been dev'ing for 15 years. What do y'all want to know. Comment and up vote topics.

Ranting in the office about co-workers whilst drunk. Ooph. I mean nothing bad happens but it just feels bad afterwards.

Anyone who tells you there is no time constraint is on drugs. There's no such thing. At best, there are just secret deadlines that crop up as you're getting close. It's just a fucking con to get you to build unimportant shit, and work your ass off to meet some artificial deadline at the end.

Hey dude, don't try to sneak a random piece of design in this project then force eng and product to argue wtf. We'll do whatever the company wants and y'all agree to, but seriously fuck that drama.

"Quality CSS" is much a fucking misnomer. As someone whose been writing this shit at scale for 15+ years I can tell you all CSS code is garbage. The only thing you should do is make sure you don't have name collisions. Classes/components are self contained. And use variables when possible. DRY makes sense usually, but if you're dogmatic about it you shoot yourself in the foot.

The scariest pumpkin

Credit - the product hunt twitter

Friends don't let friends type unsafely - mother's against drunk JavaScript

Pretty sure "agile" doesn't mean what you think it does.

Around 6 years ago I started at this company. I was really excited, I read all their docs then I started coding. At every code review, I noticed something was a little off. I seemed to get lots of weird nitpicking about code styling. It was strange, I was using a linter, I read their rules but basically every review was filled with random comments. About 3 months in I noticed, "oh! there aren't actually any rules, people are debating them in my code reviews!" A few more reviews went by and then I commented, "ya I'm not doing any of this, code review isn't a place to have philosophical debates." All hell broke loose! I got a few pissed off developers, and I said, listen I don't care what the rules are, you just need to clearly fucking articulate them and if you want to introduce one, I don't care about that either just don't do it in the middle of my review. I pissed off 1 dev real bad. Me and this dev were working together, the QA person on the team stood up and said "hey! you know what I love about your code reviews?!" The other dev and myself looked at each other kind of nervously, "I love that you're both right, these are all problems!"... 1 year later (and until now) me and the other dev are still friends. Leave it to QA to properly identify the bug.

My badass dev moment was when I read a valve white paper on text rendering and implemented a dynamic text version of it in webgl. That white paper was about signed distance fields and how to hack the alpha channel of an image to bake in some font smoothing data.... Holy fuck that felt good. Oh and it looked good too!

Every manager does *not* need a heavy process they are championing. They definitely don't need to be enforcing it on other teams that don't need those changes.

Project name - "JIRA 2.0"
Description - JIRA seems to not be informing people in our company about much of anything right now. Engineers don't know how to find anything. PMs don't know when things are shipping.

Me: JIRA, you had 1 job!

The amount of misinformation in quora answers is absurd. Dude was seriously trying to tell me let is slower than var after I provided him data proving that they are nearly same in performance tests.

So leadership comes and goes but engineers remain, stuck repeating the same tasks over and over. Companies seem to forget their own experiments. How can we force that info to get retained between PMs and leadership?

Ideally, there would be 3 engineers and 2 sales people. The engineers would pair with the sales folks on calls to figure out what customers need and hire designers to design just want needs to be built. Everyone would be responsible, not over commit, not oversell, and figure out creative ways to make the company money and achieve technological superiority.

Finally found a free noun on npm... I realized though, I have no idea how to promote a package I've built anymore. The internet is too noisey... Hmmm, how do you successfully get the word out these days?

Help! I've eaten too much pizza and I can't get up.

Ahh that moment - When you get past month one of a project you're working on and it's clear it's not going anywhere.

CTO/CEO (previous place) - we're not production engineers, so we're going to fork your code base and move way faster than all of you and then you can maintain it. Doesn't that sound inspiring?

25% of the company: ha... Here's our 2 week notice.