"I can write a script to do your job"

Interview

HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?

ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.

*silence*

Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"

Learnt Murphy's law the hard way,

Don't use your office laptop to create a personal auto porn downloading project specially when your boss suddenly wants to use your laptop to do a product demo to client.

Now looking for a new job, let me know if anyone need a smart developer who loves solving problems like the one mentioned above.

UPDATE: I have my dream job.

About a year ago I commented on Devrant that I was having some hard luck interviewing for development jobs.
Shortly after my post I decided to lower my expectations and took a job at a tech support call center.(3 month contract)
After getting a little experience(Not just a degree) I was able to land a hardware support job at a fortune 500 company.(Not what a programmer really wants 😂)
I worked hard and started writing tools at home to help with the job. I started giving them out to the other techs and put them on a little internal website for easy access.
About 3 months ago I just became a software engineer within the company.(after 6 months of hardware repair.) The main reason I got the job was because I showed them how much overtime and extra work I had done and that the techs relied on my software to do there jobs and that I was dependable.

It was hard work but it was worth it. And I built software that I never would have done if I hadn't taken this "lower job"

So keep your chin up and your fingers on the keys, I was in your shoes a year ago. 😉

So I've got a Linux related job (or, starting at monday). When people ask me what my new position is called, I'll of course tell! Well, I stutter sometimes in my native language. Especially with the letter L.

"so what's your new position?"
"Lllllll-lllll-llllllllllllllllllll"
*mother of god*
"lllllllllllllllllllllll-llllllllllllll*
*OH FFS*
"Llllllllllll-llllllllllllllllllll-lllllllinux support engineer!"
*FUCKING FINALLY!*

"Hey man, you got a new job I heard, what's your new position?"
*please work*
"Lllllllllll-lllllllllllllllll-llllllllllllllllllllll*
*MOTHERFUCKER*
"Lllllllll-lllllllllllllllllllinux support engineer!"

"ey dude, what's your new position? Heard you got a new job!"
*alright let's do this better*
"gonna do stuff with servers and customer service!"
"Ah cool! What system do they run on their servers?"

No. 😡

Any job interview ever:

Me: Hi I'm here for job X and I'd like to start by asking do you have a dress code?

HR: Well yeah we d..

Me: Thank you for your time, bye.

Best: "If an AI could replace your job at this company but we would keep you on the payroll, what would you do with your time?"

Worst: "So, you are here for the position of front-end SQL developer?"

Me: Let's use some framework to make things easier and faster!

Boss: No, we will do everything on our own, because when you quit your job I won't find anyone who knows that framework to replace you.

Me: But you won't find anyone who knows our custom solutions even more...

Boss asks me to prefer deadlines over good engineering practice. Says meeting a deadline is always more important than building things the right way.

Son, when the company goes out of business due to hundreds of millions of dollars in losses due to shoddy engineering, do you want to be the one to go to the spouses of everyone who lost their job and say "your spouse lost his job because we didn't take a few more days to build the product right"?

Son, when the company's product blows up in a child's face like a Note 7 because of your shoddy engineering, do you want to go to the funeral and tell the parents "your child died because we didn't take a few more days to build the product right"?

Fuck your arbitrary deadlines. I prefer not allowing for so much grief and suffering to be on my soul.

My parents my whole childhood:

What are you *** doing in front of that screen?!?!
Stop playing GAMES and go out and do something with your life!
You are WASTING your LIFE on ****!
You will NEVER get a job.

Today I am payed more than 20th times as my dad was payed in my age.
They finally stopped complaining.

Leave a job for a much better job and the old job hires you freelance to do your old job. Feels dirty, but good.

when your boss tells you they hired you just to save money, and the job should actually be done by a team of intermediate/senior devs, but they thought one junior dev could do it in the same time span

Germany

It's:
"oh cool. you must have good job perspectives."

Or:
"you just use a computer. that's not real work. do a job where you use your muscles. lazy student."

And the best:
"Can you gift me with computer parts for free" or "can you copy program XY for me? It cost to much."

This bitch at work is afraid of hard work and is currently spending more energy fighting the work than just doing it.

She wants to keep a legacy setting that's on the wrong scope -- per merchant, not per payment -- in addition to the setting I've added on the correct scope. She's bringing in management two levels up all because "I've already moved on from this" and "it will require me to write code quite a bit" (first paraphrased for clarity, second is an exact quote)

Bitch, your way is dirty as fuck and is going to break things. Roll up your sleeves and do your damn job!

*my first day on the job to work on a website used by dozens of companies worldwide and 1000s of users*

me: So where can I find the git repository?
dev: Git?
me: Uh... what kind of source control do you use?
dev: We don't use anything fancy like that.
me: *freaking out a little, I already committed to this job*
me: So then where do you edit your code and how do you back it up?
dev: Oh, I just edit it on FTP and zip all the code every week.

Ordered a new 34" Dell Monitor which should have been delivered today. The lazy ass mailman tried to scam my neighbor by telling him to pay 1000€ for the packet... (Amazon doesn't use cash on delivery)
FUCK OFF IDIOT, I HOPE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO DO YOUR GOD DAMN WORK AND COLLECT THE PACKET ON MY OWN.

"It is not UNIX’s job to stop you from shooting your foot. If you so choose to do so, then it is UNIX’s job to deliver Mr. Bullet to Mr Foot in the most efficient way it knows." - Terry Lambert

* Boss gives you a shitty work that doesn't follow standards

* you tell him that this is wrong, and there will be consequences on time and performance on the future.

*he insists

*you do the work like he says

*after a while he asks for modifications

*takes too long because of structure problems, and non compatibility

*you get blamed

*you hate your job, your boss and your life.

How I've got my previous job?
Imagine you are in a wild techno club. Dark aisles, A dj from berlin behind the turntables blasting out hard beats, couples kissing on extasy pills.

And there was a friend I've didn't meet in ages. "how do you do?" she asks. "ah... you know i'm on a job hunt for a year i feel misrable". "really? my dad is looking for somebody, send him your resNZNZNZ!" "WHAT? can't hear you!" "Send him your resume!" "Ahhh! okay great!"

So on 24. december 5pm, snow outside, i've sat on wooden table in the kitchen of her father discussing the conditions for the job. It was the start of a crazy time. Dining with millionaires on their Castles. Shaking hands with top businesses leaders. Going to China and having dinner with the 500 richest chinese at once. Wild!

so my advice for you nerds, don't stay in your comfort zone behind the screen on weekends. Vistit a techno club sometimes. You may find a pretty girl/boy with a CEO as a father.

*Me enjoying life*
Brain: You're wasting your potential. You should work more.

*Me on the job working*
Brain: You're wasting your youth. You should go out and enjoy life.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, BRAIN?
Brain: No productivity! Only Guilt!

I like when a recruiter calls, decides you're not experienced enough for the role they called for, and immediately ask if you know someone who is. Sure, bro, let me help do your job for you.

Yesterday I was downloading illegal movie from the Internet and found this movie under comedy section and thought to download. After downloading I found out that it was a girl-to-girl porn.

Dear Developers and Content editors
Do your fucken job right and link the correct files.

Thank you.

PS: I enjoyed the porn

Guidance counselor at school: so what field do you want to go into?

Me: computer science

GC: what does that entail?

Me: programming

GC: that's like super repetitive, right? You're a smart kid don't do that

In my head: no you mf dingle-dong. That's the job that will take your job away from you in the next 5 years

Ffs, why do people think coding and entering data into Excel are the same things?

*sees people on Facebook wanting to get Linux certificates*
Me: naah that's not how I'ma do it

*at le job interview*
Interviewer: "So you apply as a sysadmin.. what are your skills? Certificates?"
Me: "No certificates sir.. but I USE ARCH LINUX 😎"
Me (quietly): "and Ubuntu Server too but that's not as cool :v"

Hey DevRant Community :)
I've been a silence lurker till now, but I really do enjoy scrolling through your new rants everyday, :D ... I'm now quite terrified of my first job interview, but that's alright... I guess... ._.
What I'm trying to say is.... Have a great day everyone :3

I'M NOT HELPDESK. I CAN'T FIX YOUR BROWSER OPTIONS. I LOVE YOU TO FUCKING PIECES BECAUSE YOU STOP THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID CALLS, BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU and now I feel like a prick. Call your boss and make him do his fucking job. Please. I don't want to scream at you. I need you in my life...

Been a while since my last real proper rant.

Multiple projects. Business side going into panic mid. Devs are staying cool as usual.

We, devs, have to hold hands so they don't completely break down.

We are wasting precious time in order to rub their feelings.

Get. Your. Shit. Together.
Or atleast, go cry in a corner AND LET US FUCKING WORK.
STOP. FUCKING. SPAMMING.

Can't fucking work for more than 10 mins.
I go take a shit, I have 200 notifications when I'm back.

Omfg their lives must be so hard, really. How can you fucking go into full retard whenever there's a small roadblock.

DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOB. And let me do mine.

As soon as you let us work, issues are going to be solved, you'll be less stressed and everything will be fine.

Keep asking the same questions over and over, arguing on non-critical things (who cares about wordings... it's 1min change) and the stress will only build up for everyone.

DAMN. Fuck off, fucking emotional idiots.

I will NOT apply to your job if you do not give a salary range.

Every single fucking time:

Developers: Maybe we'll do something nice for the users, like signing in with Facebook account?
Business: Nah, nobody is gonna pay for that and it sounds useless. We're good with current solutions. Just do your job!

half a year later:

Business: Hey, I just came up with the idea that we could have logging in with Facebook.
Also business: Wow, great idea!
Management: Here's your bonus for a great idea!
Developers: ...

Me: "We should do X!"
Client: "I think Y would be better."
Me: "If you're sure..."
Client: "I'm the one paying you!"

*much development time passes*

Client: "We should do X. Isn't it your job to think of these things?"
Me: "..."

Do managers not fucking understand that Jira is meant to eliminate all this stupid "What's the status with X?", and "Is Y done yet?" chatter. Our communication channels should be on business logic and other global updates about the company, not about fucking workflow status updates because you have nothing else to do with your day but ping me every 5 minutes.

LOOK AT THE REVIEW COLUMN ON JIRA. I MEAN ITS LITERALLY CALLED REVIEW. SO REVIEW IT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.

I swear the devs consistently have a better overview on timelines and project status than management does - which is sad, because this is literally the definition of management!!!

When my former boss let me go, he asked "you devs do not plant some secret code into your software so you can destroy it remotely, do you?".

I smiled and walked away.

Needless to say I got some money on top on my last day at that job.

Part of an honest interview :

- What is your biggest weakness?
+ Triceps femoris muscles

- Why do you want this job?
+ Earning money to buy food so that I don't die of hunger.

- How do you handle pressure?
+ By shouting the word fuck

- What are your goals?
+ Have a cheek in bed every night.

- We will be in touch.
+ you never call, do you?

Got a job offer that’s ~€1000 more than i make now. But idk i care very much about the company i work at right now so I think I have to do the right thing for my colleagues ..

I’m starting in january, see you cunts and your pile of shit codebase around, i’m out 👋

Person: So what do you do for a living..
Me: (here we go)... I am an information security analyst working in an incident response team for x company. I do log collection and manage a large scale correlation engine.
Person: Oh, so are you super smart or something? (Blinks her eyes and continues with blank stare)
Me: Uh... Smart enough I guess.
Person: Can you hack things like a hacker.
Me: That really isn't my job...
Person: What's your job again?
Me: Computer guy
(She lights up)
Person: Why didn't you just say that? I can understand that.

Yeah... I seem to have painful conversations like this often.

Business: we need feature x in two
Days, highly urgent!
Me: fine, here’s a shitty implementation we can live with until you decide how to Actually make this work in the future.

2 days pass...
Me: where’s the content for feature x?
Business: awaiting approval

5 more days pass...
Me: I’m guessing this super urgent request wasn’t needed after all?
Business: it’s still awaiting approval
Me: so... I’ll just go and remove this feature, and revisit when its actually needed.
Business: no, it’s needed now, we are just waiting on approval
Me: 🤷‍♂️

Duck my life sometimes.
I could have built a full fledged system of this shitty hack job instead in the time taken to approve a useless piece of content.

I develop apps for a medical school. You'd think the students would be pretty bright, but it legitimately scares me that some of these people are going to perform brain surgery.

I guess the moral of the story is you're not too dumb to get that dream dev job - if these morons can be doctors, you can do what you set your mind to. And you can feel good knowing your mistakes won't kill anyone!

Kinda tired of people telling me that I'm "wrong" for using PHP. There's nothing inherently wrong with PHP. Any language is only as good as the developer using it, and so long as you're comfortable using it and it does what you need it to do, there's no shame in using ANY programming language. Don't let the these cocky "bro"grammers tell you how to do your job.

Yo, is this devrant or spamspace???

Like, do you even fucking work, mates? Are you a dev? How doesn't a fucking legacy code piss you off on a daily basis? What are all the ways you want to respond to your customer's/PM's abuse? Does your lead dev even know jackshit?

Where did all your quality rants go? Why do you all sound like second graders writing essays for school? Have some passion for your job, and hatred for the incompetence for others!

Now, go produce some quality rants! Funny ones too! Bonus points if it's angry-funny.

Yesterday in a job interview the guy asked me at least five times if I knew how to program in XML.... FOR GOD SAKE DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!

YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!

I have nothing against teaching and showing someone starting in this field how to do things but FOR FUCKS SAKE, PUT INTEREST IN IT, I WON'T DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, I HAVE MY JOB, YO DO YOURS.

Jesus...fucking Christ, these kind of people always get on my nerves.

Favorite/most hated language? (I love a good flame war)

Why did you quit your previous job / Moment you've considered quitting your current job?

Why do you think Linux is so much better than OSX? (Ahh yes I feed on apple flavored hipster tears)

What side project are you currently working on?

If you had the best teams and unlimited funds, to be used only on a serious project using both Blockchain, IoT and AI, what would you create?

If you forgot how to code, what other career would you pursue?

What is your "I was so busy wondering if I could, that I forgot whether I should" concept/idea/project?

How many chicken eggs would fit inside the moon if it was hollow? (I like retarded interview questions)

If you started a startup, what unique perk would you offer your developer employees?

Do you under- or overengineer?

Most unnecessary feature you ever had to create?

Most necessary feature your boss/client denied to approve?

the fuck kind of manager are you that you tell your leads not to fucking answer their damn phones when services need restoring????? If your fucking team member can do his damn job like a grown ass adult, but sees that you (his lead) made a change and has questions, your ass better answer the phone, or i will rocket launch it up your ass, straight into your brain so it's the newest, latest, fucking hippest trend and hooked into your system so you answer every fucking call hands-free. Even when fucking "Windows Tech Support" calls you every 30 minutes because your keep expired.

There are people counting on you, worthless fuckwipe. Get. The. Fuck. Over. Yourself. And do your fucking job.

Edit: phone tried to censor me

"Lightweight rant"

Good job, devs of Sparkasse.
Time to "jobn't" y'all.
That error message is very informational.

I know it is because of the time counter being at 0 and I need to relogin to reset it, but what if I was a regular dumb client? To add more salt into it, what if I was someone in his 90s.

Do your fucking job properly.

Edit: The error message translates to "Error", "Error" and "Close"

Hi devranters, I come to you for your wisdom...

Today a job offer was given to me in Poland with 2500 to 3000 euros after taxes + house + house expenditure + montlhy flights to my home country.

What do you think?

No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.

I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.

I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.

I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.

I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.

I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.

I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.

I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.

Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.

See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?

Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.

Hugs and kisses,

Platypus

When a random recruiter texts you an irrelevant job posting instead of spamming your voicemail or email like they usually do...

Do coding outside of work. I got into the industry because I enjoy writing code, but your job won't always be fun. That's why they give you money. Make sure that spark of joy doesn't die.

Or, when it does die, at least you'll have something to rant about.

Let me paint you a picture.

It's the day after code freeze. Code has been branched. It's time once again to verify tickets and run smoke check so we can begin our 3 days of blitz testing before we deploy.

As a team we all have roles to play in this process. Yet, every stinking release it is like pulling teeth to get everyone to take the initiative and verify tickets and run smoke check. Our principled engineer even reached his limit this morning and blew up on everyone.

When you are being paid good money to do a job, you need be an adult, be responsible, step up and do your job!

Step 1: start programming from a young age
Step 2: dedicate years to college
Step 3: get a job in a big, respected company
Step 4: do menial tasks that have nothing to do with your educat- wait, what

Dear fellow JS devs, if you make 1 more good damn module loader I swear to god....

Hi - here's a new module bundler named parcel.

FFS

Me: 15 years of experience in AWS, DevOps, Architecture, and Security. Current title: "Senior DevOps Manager"

Recruiter: "There are a lot of opportunities, but this one caught my eye, and I thought you'd be interested... Junior Frontend Developer"

If you want to do your job, at least do it half way well. Recruiters can suck, but most are better than that.

"Your job isn't that hard, I can do it any day."

When you do something not part of your job but you were feeling nice today. Then it sets in that you just inherited that task. What have I done...

Don't you just love it when you're waiting on a team member in a different country to push code that you NEED to be able to finish your job, but you know they've already gone home for the night and you're stuck reading the same three doc pages for your entire day at work? Because I sure do

Find your skill level.
Find a job that will challenge your skills and force you to acquire more.
If your job is too easy then seek out higher challenge. If it requires finding a different job to grow those skills then do so.

I languished in a job that didn't force me to use my schooling and was nowhere near my capabilities. It has taken time for me to catch up.
If you are not moving forward you are sliding backwards.

You dumb bitch. I will get to your fucking low level ticket when I’m done doing more important shit. How do you have a job if you don’t know how to use fucking excel?! GOOGLE IT you fuck!

A: Done job for today.
B: Let me check your code.
A: Sure.
B: Only 6 lines of code in a day?
A: Yup, 6 line of code is better than 1000 thousand line that can do the same thing.
B: 😑😑😑

My last job application letter was literally: “I saw your add and since you don’t do web stuff I decided to apply”

Hired

Yes former technical person who is now a business person. Please, please advise me on my job with your decaying outdated skills. Yes, google for me. I didn't know how to do that. Ah wonderful yes, you recall this being "easy" which is why you quit the field. What a nice time this is.

Everyone was a noob once. I am the first to tell that to everyone. But there are limits.

Where I work we got new colleagues, fresh from college, claims to have extensive knowledge about Ansible and knows his way around a Linux system.... Or so he claims.

I desperately need some automation reinforcements since the project requires a lot of work to be done.

I have given a half day training on how to develop, starting from ssh keys setup and local machine, the project directory layout, the components the designs, the scripts, everything...
I ask "Do you understand this?"
"Yes, I understand. " Was the reply.

I give a very simple task really. Just adapt get_url tasks in such a way that it accepts headers, of any kind.
It's literally a one line job.

A week passes by, today is "deadline".

Nothing works, guy confuses roles with playbooks, sets secrets in roles hardcodes, does not create inventory files for specifications, no playbooks, does everything on the testing machine itself, abuses SSH Keys from the Controller node.... It's a fucking ga-mess.

Clearly he does not understand at all what he is doing.

Today he comes "sorry but I cannot finish it"
"Why not?" I ask.
"I get this error" sends a fucking screenshot. I see the fucking disaster setup in one shot ...

"You totally have not done the things like I taught you. Where are your commits and what are.your branch names?"
"Euuuh I don't have any"
Saywhatnow.jpeg

I get frustrated, but nonetheless I re-explain everything from too to bottom! I actually give him a working example of what he should do!

Me: "Do you understand now?"
Colleague: "Yes, I do understand now?"
Me: "Are you sure you understand now?"
C: "yes I do"

Proceeds to do fucking shit all...

WHY FUCKING LIE ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND??? WHAT KIND OF COGNITIVE MALFUNCTION IA HAPPENING IN YOUR HEAD THAT EVEN GIVEN A WORKING EXAMPLE YOU CANT REPLICATE???
WHY APPLY FOR A FUCKING JOB AND LIE ABOUT YOUR COMPETENCES WHEN YOU DO T EVEN GET THE FUCKING BASICS!?!?

WHY WASTE MY FUCKING TIME?!?!?!

Told my "dear team leader" (see previous rants) that it's not okay to lie about that, we desperately need capable people and he does not seem to be one of them.

"Sorry about that NeatNerdPrime but be patient, he is still a junior"

YOU FUCKING HIRED THAT PERSON WITH FULL KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HAI RESUME AND ACCEPTED HIS WORDS AT FACE VALUE WITHOUT EVEN A PROPER TECHNICAL TEST. YOU PROMISED HE WAS CAPABLE AND HE IS FUCKING NOT, FUCK YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE MANAGEMENT SKILLS, YOU ALREADY FAIL AT THE START.

FUCK THIS. I WILL SLACK OFF TODAY BECAUSE WITHOUT ME THIS TEAM AND THIS PROJECT JUST CRUMBLES DOWN DUE TO SHEER INCOMPETENCE.

I hate hearing people say that it shouldn't take you that long. As if they know how long it takes to do your job.

Easy fix or change my ass!

Recruiter: Hi, we like your CV. Do you have a portfolio?

Me: Yeah, the links on my CV.

Recruiter: Oh nice. We'll send you an email with some job roles.

Don't get an email....

Ok, so I'm one of the new folks here, and spent some time looking around.

And I've read so many of you write about levels of insanity at work that just baffles me.

Why do people do that to themselves? And no, I don't mean you sales-manager, or your boss who hired the wrong kind of dev, I mean YOU.

You are a developer, currently the market for devs is so large you can literally pick your jobs. And if you don't know how to find a new job, just Google (easy mode, search on LinkedIn) a company which specializes in recruiting, there are tons of them, and they will gladly search an employer for you.

Don't get stuck in a job that sucks - you will kill your motivation, and you deserve better.

Ok, YOU fuck up THREE (!) times, and send me new text for the app, each time saying its '100% finished, no errors' and expect me (each iteration) to do it IMMEDIATELY

Why don't you go fuck yourself, do your damn job, do it right, and THEN contact me instead of running around like an childish preschooler with a pair of scissors

Obvious wisdom from me;
1. HR is not your friend. HR is created to protect companies from employees, not to protect employees from companies. HR serve the company and upper level management.
2. If you are victim of mobbing, keep a mobbing diary with exact quoting. Nothing more, nothing less, no speculation. Create an airtight case for future.
3. If you want to change because of mobbing, just find a new job. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT talk to HR about mobbing before you got another job offer at the ready.
4. Present HR with mobbing diary during your exit, imply that you will talk to CEO and take legal actions if you don't get a satisfactory last laugh on the mobber.
5. Do not accept counter-offer from your company-regardless of mobbing case or not. You considered switching to another company, you are branded now and you will be axed at the first chance. Counter-offer is not a guaranteed employment in your company.

Why is it that every single employer in this field expects you to live and breathe tech and have it as your only source of enjoyment? Can't it just be a job that I show up and do every day and then spend my free time with whatever the hell I want? This morning's job interview:
Hiring manager: so what do you like doing in your free time?
Me: talks about actual hobbies, trying to be personable, making a few jokes, etc
HM: soooo.. nothing tech related then?

I can't imagine any other job expecting this amount of devotion. "So you want to be an accountant but you don't do it after hours for fun!?" Why is this normal?

**Sorry for ranting, job search is getting increasingly frustrating.

When people tell you how easy your job is, the best thing to do is to make them do it for themselves.

Hate those People...

Interviewing tip #2: If you're going to lie about what you do at your current job on your resume, remember what lies you put...

105 pages of information security policy to read through before getting through onboarding that could have been summarized as: "This is 2022. Don't be an idiot."

Also 40 pages of code of conduct that could have been summarized thusly: "This is 2022. Everyone is offended by everything. Shut your cakehole, put your head down, don't make eye contact, and just do your job."

My senior’s only goal is getting into the pants of the chick setting across the isle from him.

Do these NPC devs even read the README of a project before spewing some dumbass stackoverflow like garbage in an issue thread?

Do your damn job. Being a good software engineer is not like TiKtOk or cHaTgPt where some "magical" answer or entertainment is spoon fed to you, do your absolute best to solve it yourself first, before causing more chaos out in the opensource world.

I find a poor tester copy/pasting data from the test environment to the live one, as he accidentally broke it. I ask the DBA, " why isn't syncing SQL records part of the deployment pipeline?"

"You're front end. This is my job. Go do your job."

"... but it's an easy query, and you're exposing us to human error."

"You need to go sit down."

Introducing. Snapchat privacy invasion. You can see where your added friends are if they do not disable it (enable ghost mode).
Good job :)

Regardless of your education, your career will almost certainly start with a low-paying job that's not really what you want to do. You'll do that for a year or two, and move to a job that's a little closer to what you want. Until after 10-15 years, you'll be doing work that actually interests you.

Almost every career starts with a period of what American blues musicians call, "paying your dues."

You know what really grinds my gears? When new employees start shouting out suggestions of what feature we should do.. and how stupid this/that thing now.. or how slow that page is.. or how there's a bug somewhere.

WHAT WOULD'VE WE DONE WITHOUT YOUR OPINION?! thank you so much!!!

+10 points if their job has nothing to do with product or development

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP
please!!!

When you get back home from your job and you do exactly the same things because you love it

WanBLowS, all I ask you, the only thing I ask you to do now, is to synchronize some files from A to B without transferring the whole goddamn 1.3TB of stuff that for the most part hasn't changed in any way, other than whatever your crappy NTFS filesystem mutated it into.

Robocopy, rsync, even Windows' built-in explorer. None of them do the job as they should. Why Windows.. why?! Why can't you just do one thing properly for once?!!! Piece of junk!

People now a days dont understand the value of creativity , being a developer means your creativity is also your productivity its your means to keep your job ,pay rent , buy clothes and have something to eat, its just sad to see people demoralize developers for "charging so much" to a project that people think is easy to do. We developers provide outputs and our creativity to the world, i think we deserve more than just a salary, but also a thank you for adding something to the world.

Gotta love it when you turn down a recruiter and they ask you if you know any friends who might be interested.

"Potentially, what's my commission if I do your job for you?!"

🤨

The moment when your boss share your FB post that posted 5 minutes ago with caption "do your job"

Hi Lead Architect,

Oh? You want me to explain how database clustering works? I guess you're just testing me because I'm new and junior.

Oh, and also explain how load balancing works? And what a bastion host is?

What's the architectural intent of this project? Let's have a look at the documentation and diagrams you have been creating of your designs.

You don't have any? That's okay, you've only been leading the architect team on this project for a year now.

Why don't you just keeping asking the most junior dev on the team about how the fuck you are supposed to do your job. As if I know how to do your job when I have zero training and am just expected to know everything.

Oh, its 3pm and you're heading to the pub. That's cool, I'll just guess what I need to build.

Dear project managers.

Go fuck yourselves, stop hindering me in my ability to do my job. My job is to get the job done, I know exactly what exists where. If I request something, fucking get me it you useless cunts.

You're wasting time and resources with your lack of technical knowledge and making life difficult for the rest of us.

Sincerely, Frustrated Developers everywhere.

SEO analyst (hired by client) sends his inform to client, designer and developer (me) and all it says is: use friendly urls, proper use of h1, h2..., use alt in img tags...

Come on dude! Those are obvious things to any webdev out there who earns his salary. Do YOUR fucking job, do some fucking research and DO NOT dare to tell me page title and meta description are important (Really? No shit genius!) and tell me THE page title and THE fucking meta description... Or...

Fuck off and go find some other victim to trick with your bullshit marketing slang.

I go to my day job and people ask:

'So what you going to do with your 3 days off?'

'I'm going to code'

'Noooo you should relax and chill'

'I WISH!!!'

What if I told you : you can use whatever the fuck OS you want, whatever the fuck stack you want ?

And IF you take a job in a certain stack, don't like it ? Quit your job !

Stop beeing whining bitches. Don't like current job ? Find a new one.

You think your app is revolutionary ? TRY and push it (And fail)

You think that at 16 you know better than people who are 30+yo ? prove it by actions.

It's easy. You have full control of what you can do.

Stop bitching, start coding.

windows, linux, mac, MS-DOS. Noone cares what you use. As long as you do the job.

When someone tells you how to do a job but they cant even get to your basic level to even begin with

How do you have words like "Senior", "Manager" and "Lead" in your job title and have your linkedin image look like a Tinder profile shot of the last time you went drinking in town?

Omitted a couple that were actually normal.

Imposter syndrome. I’m SICK of hearing people say that they have imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome literally means that you are good at your job but you BELIEVE you are a fraud / not worthy / are going to get “found out”.

By self identifying as having imposter syndrome, then by definition that means you in fact DO NOT have imposter syndrome.

If you DID have imposter syndrome then you would just think you were bad at your job.

dear female devs / haecksen, how many other female devs do you have in your team?
if not so many, how do you feel about it?
and do you get a lot of sexist bullshit or not so much?

would be great to hear your experiences.

the female quota among our devs is < 3% 😅
most of the time i don't think about it and just do my job and it's fine, but sometimes i think, it's a bit weird. also, there is this fear that people might not have trust in my skills. it can be good and bad to be "special"... anyway, having more female rolemodels / mentors / colleagues to have technical discussions with would be awesome.

Jesus. Got elected by the product owner last minute to give a presentation to a bunch of stakeholders. What the fuck is the point of your job if all you do is delegate your responsibilites to other people.

We need to normalize not being a passionate CS guru. You can be good at your job and not have passion for it. You don't have to dedicate your life to your career in every facet.

I don't expect plumbers to sit around their house all day during their free time hooking up water lines. Why is it expected that I'm always reading some dev book or learning some new framework or reading some tech blog?

I do other shit, and that's fine. My job earns me a paycheck and I'll improve on the clock, and when I walk out at the end of the day I leave that shit there.

At most I might converse with you informally about tech but I'm not going to spend my little free time going to meetups and pretending like I care more than I do. If you do that's great, but I'm not you and that's fuckin fine too.

What was your most disappointing moment as a software developer?

Mine was the realization that when you're working for someone, all they want to see is the final product. The people paying you don't give a shit whether you put your braces on a new line, your domain model doesn't call a database directly or if you're applying the best practices. Your teammates do, but the people paying you don't.

People hire you to get the job done, and that job is to solve a problem for someone. Not in the way that's best for you, but in the most effective way for them. Since I realized this, I lost some pride in my work.

Just do your Job😂🤪!!

your client (who doesn't understand caching) trying to tell you how to do your job....

WTF is going on with marketers in LinkedIn?! I’m an engineer why the fuck are you trying to make me sell your product to a company I only code for, fucking spammy cunts contact sales and do your job I have enough with mine.

Recruiter: hey I see you once worked in Utah. Boy do I have the job for you. In Utah.
Me: I no longer live in Utah. In fact I fled Utah 16 months into a 24 month contract because that place sucks. I haven't been back in over two years. So I guess what I am saying is no. I do not want your job offer. Please never contact me again unless it's for 6 figures and I don't have to move.

What do you do when you loose your Frontend Dev Job?
a) Get a new Job.
b) Invent a JS Framework

Why do people think it is weird to have job (programming) also be your hobby?!?

I get annoyed with this kind of people, if I like what I do, and have spent infinite amount of hours enjoying while learning, I think it is normal to have job as your hobby. Or even better phrasing, it is normal to have hobby as your job!!!

HR Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Interviewee: I have your job and I'm asking the interviewee: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" His response?
I have your job and I'm asking the interviewee: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" His response...

So I do pay for all the software that I use if they request that I do. Cannot expect fellow devs to work their butts off to create good software that makes my job easier and not support their efforts. I paid $25 for Bootstrap Studio today and was more than happy to do so.
If you use software without supporting your fellow developers you should be ashamed of yourself.

I decided to go freelance/contracting. Headhunters keep pitching me permament roles (and I love watching them run out of pitch lines :D )

Headhunter: This job can't do your asking salary, but can offer career development.

Me: Already did that. was Engineer, then Architect, then CTO. I'm actually stepping back to be an Engineer.

Headhunter: Ok well, in this job you can do things start to finish, see them through to the end.

Me: I actually get bored after a while. Prefer change.

Headhunter: Well this place has a great culture and fun atmosphere!

Me: It's an insurance company mate...

So this dev writes me an email following a blog post I wrote for their job that they "have an error" - they don't show any output, what the error message is or anything. How can I help if you dont specifically state your problem? I'm not going to do your job for you!

and now its finally come full circle: they said they asked chatgpt and bard but it "just didnt work" - well yeah, those were trained on internet content from over a year ago - the api and tools have changed!

painful and annoying times ahead i'm afraid

you still need to do the damn work, i will stand by the fact that LLMs are overhyped non-panacea till i'm dead

Not only are you not your job, your job is not worth taking home with you; unless it's actually your company, leave it in the office. You can love your job and still have days when you hate it, or days when you'd rather be doing anything else; that doesn't mean you don't still like what you do.

As a profession we can all be obsessive and not take the time out that we need, so make special effort to do so, even if that just means you're working on a personal project instead. Your brain, and partner, will be glad that you did. Whether you like to admit it or not, everyone needs downtime.

CSS, I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate my job, because of you. I'm pulling my hair out every day, all day because I have to put up with your bullshit. If it weren't for you, I'd probably enjoy design.

You're not even programming. You're the mistake that happened when web-design developed too rapidly for the devs at the time to keep up and produce intuitive, functional tools. That, or they were just fucking sadists.

You're a band-aid that's started to rot, but we just keep sticking pretty stickers over you and pretending like the wound isn't festering.

I wish I could spend more time learning C and C++. Then I could go get a real job as far away from you as is virtually possible.

. . .

Look, just this once - just for today - could you please do what I fucking ask you to. I mean, I'm just asking you to do your fucking job. That's all.

So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...

Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.

So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...

Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.

I'm living in a society of wankers!

Do you code in your spare time, outside the job?

It bothers me when potential employers *require* a salary expectation in your application. It's like they're focusing on the wrong parts. I don't even consider places that do that, no matter how cool the job sounds. Remember kids, in negotiations, the first one to mention a number loses.

As a senior engineer/team lead. What would you do if you had an engineer on your team who is very difficult and arrogant but very good at their job?

Being a team leader some times sucks have to take responsibility for everyone's elses functionality that doesn't work or wasn't tested in production. Leads often ends up working overtime fixing everyone elses work :(

If you're finding your paid work boring & mediocre, then utilise the stability of your current job to be fussy over choosing your next one.

Shoot high, do research, apply only for places you think you'd genuinely enjoy working, and demand a good offer with any reasonable perks you choose.

You might take a few months to find somewhere, but you'll eventually land yourself somewhere where you really want to be.

Just had a call to follow up a job aplication that was sent in, he is very confident that we need to arrange an interview and wanted to let me know he couldn't do this week. FUCK OFF YOU FUCKTARD, I wouldn't wipe my arse with your aplication your waisting my fucking time with bullshit crap like this in a job application! Your not going to get the job dick head! You have zero fucking experience or any ability to do the job!

Think it's beer time 🍺

With 4 years of b.tech about to finish, i feel fucked up. Our studies were useless and other than java basics, i know nothing.

Parents say do external courses, use your time to learn some more industry relevant skills , while college says to shut up and take a poor salary job , when offered by those placement companies.( I seriously haven't even heard of most of them).

What to do?

Dear Apple,

You suck at push notifications. Please allow Google to do its good job (Firebase) without going through your servers.

Fuckingly pissed,
A programmer

How do you explain to your family exactly what a programmer does all day? Like they think our job is no big deal sometimes...

Bug fixed! Commit, close ticket.

Ticket reopens. Dang.. let me test it. Still fixed, wtf? Send message to QA guy that opened it again.

"Read my comment." Comment has some entirely different yet slightly related bug.

Leap out window.

How many hours do you put in daily at your day job? Do you go home and work on personal projects? How much time do you put into that? Are you married? Do you have children?

I'll go first:
- 8
- sometimes, probably about 1 hour a day.
- yes
- 3 kids

Your turn!

Do any other devs here have serious entrepreneurial ambitions and the drive to achieve them?

How do you manage the conflict between your day job and your ambitions.

I find every employer is looking for someone with just enough ambition to “move up” in their company but any ambition of your own outside that seems to come off as threatening.

I try to keep the 2 separate but I have always thought that by not wanting people with actual ambition a company is only hurting themselves.

Thoughts?

We need more positivity:

Reason why you like coding? / Reason why you chose it as your career? / Why wouldn't you want to do something different?

Best feeling when coding

Nicest colleague/Best teamwork experience/Best boss/easiest client

What do you like about your position/job/company

Besides coding, what makes you happy

Your favorite stack/language/working environment

If you're expecting a call from a company to do a phone screen, make sure your phone is charged... if it dies before you can even tell me why you're looking for a new job and I still can't reach you 15 minutes later, it's very off putting.

Clients assume that because they can't see it, means no real work was done. Or even worse, you show them code that was written for the server, even demo the apis but without a pretty front-end it's pretty much meaningless. Even if ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO DO THE FRONT-END!!!

Anyone have the experience where you are learning a new programming language and you are eager to do stuff with it but you need to use another one for your job? So frustrating!

Warning: This is gonna come across as a little cringe/self-pitying, but whatever

Jesus Christ I'm so fucking lonely it literally hurts. I know I should be grateful I have a hobby in coding, also recently I got my first job as a developer (even if I'm overworked and paid shit all with poor job security), but I swear what will eventually kill me will be my own hand cos this empty feeling is unbearable at times.

Also, I'll try to ask this in the most politically correct way possible: how do you single guys in your 20s/30s cope with the lack of females in the industry? I absolutely do not mean this in a "making-unwarranted-advances" sort of way; I just mean that we're biologically wired to desire some form of interaction with the opposite sex (unless you're queer), and this happens naturally in most professions but obviously not engineering/software dev. It's especially difficult when you don't have a big social circle so your job basically becomes your life.

So... For those of you who can relate, what do you do? Do you make an effort to socialize outside work? Or maybe you're lucky enough to work somewhere with a diverse mix of people? Should I blame Zuckerberg for damaging my adolescent brain and turning me into a needy piece of crap?

Professionaly travelling the world sucks ass. It's loosing day and days on airports, railway stations, driving.... Then, completely exhausted, you must do your high-end job on command for a customer who already hates you from the moment you came in, because he knows your hourly rate.They do not realize it's the companies rate, not my wage. And when it's finished and running, it's considered normal...no need for a "thank you". Getting really tired of this shit :/

Why do clients wait for 17:55 before asking you to fix that nuclear reaction bug or that new "little insignificant feature i can't live without" ? Seriously, what the hell is your daily job ? Because i really want to switch to it.

I was shortlisted for a job opening and they sent me a link to a coderbyte test on friday that is only valid till sunday.

Isnt making your applicant do a test on a weekend such a dick move?

guys/gals, I need your wisdom. Especially from the ones owning startups.

How do you juggle between your project and work at some company (stable income source)? Accelerators, personal financers (mom, pops, best-bud swimming in $$$s, some fat guy in the neighbourhood, etc.), or do you simple multitask btwn daily job and your project?

I'm trying the latter but it's nearly impossible to do anything productive at home after 9 hours at office..

There are 2 types of people that I can't stand:

- Designers who thinks they can do the front-end as they use Photoshop

- Programmers that thinks the front-end is easy enough as put random bootstrap columns everywhere

Then when something doesn't work, they blame the front-end developer.

Try to communicate more, assholes, and do your job.

Guys may i have your opinion please.

Should i take a job opportunity seriously if they are asking me to do an AngularJS code challenge?

Taking into consideration that AngularJS became outdated or legacy few months ago.

What do you think

So we've got a gif that doesn't show up in our React Native application. Of course, the designers assume it's me: "are you sure the gif is in the codebase? how are you using it in your component"? yeah ok boomer. I'm like, look at this other gif, works fine. "oh" So I tell them, double check the export options on how you are building the gif, maybe there is something there. so now they are asking ME for those export options. I'M A DEV, NOT A DESIGNER, DO YOUR JOB AND FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PROGRAM YOU ARE USING

oh as an aside, I was putting up a website for a client and they are like "my logo is quite similar to many others, is this something to worry about legally?" OH, SO NOW I'M A LAWYER TOO??!!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GOOGLE IS LITERALLY IN FRONT OF YOU

why do people continually think just because we can code we are fucking designers / lawyers / astronauts
/ god?
man this pisses me off - i think of that draw red lines with blue ink expert video, in the end, just smile and nod: "i can do... absolutely anything... trust me, I'm an expert"

LoL, why do we even have job reference contacts? So your previous manager can tell your new potential employer how much you sucked?

It's all so pointless..

I think the sleep deprived me is finally cracking under the weight of incompetent assholes.

We just launched a major project in some weird cocktail of Agile slapped with MVP and release to the wild in a waterfall, but it was premature, premature in the sense QA hasn't even finished their side of things, but because some fuck with with "manager" in their title decided they have burnt through the budget with incompetence and scrapped an entire element of the project and outsourced just so they could make a shittier version that doesn't even fucking work.

How hard do you want to fail before you will start listening to the people that now have to work around the fucking clock to clean up this horse shit of a mess.

I'm literally arguing over field mapping with multiple 3rd parties, when the fucking requirements state WTF this is suppose to look like. All because they didn't validate or test their own shit.

Why is EVERY FUCKING cock head in this industry a waste of space and cash! Is it really to much to ask for 1 fucking project to fucking go live that actually fucking works where I don't need to work 2 weeks straight (including weekends) after going live just to be sure that what shit does hit the fan isn't going to create a SEV 1 issue...

Sorry, I'm pissed at the incompetence of others I need to deal with on a daily basis. It's not like this field is insanely hard. A little attention to detail and self validation, verification goes a long way. But clearly that's a rarity.

Once this shit is stable and actually works, I'll be pulling out the mop to clean up half this shit just so it actually works.

Oof, I'm getting to old for this bullshit.

Fucking frustrating piece of shit colleges. I’m fucking tired of losing face covering up your assess! Do your fucking job properly you mutherfuckin-piece-of-shit! Fucking full of excuses!! Own what you fucking do!!!

Having a meeting on your last day at the job feels weird.

Like do you think I care?

I just got out of working 10 hour days and alternating Saturdays at work for the head honchos to say "Yeah, you guys have a month before you're all laid off. We're giving your job to the group that helped you during the busy season."

So guess what I get to do: job hunt!

Except no one in my area is hiring Linux System Administrators and my wife doesn't wanna move.

Find a job that allows personal growth on the boss time. This helps you do what you want while doing with being the slave of the customer in between.
In the end your company will profit from it.

Some people have interesting, cool or exciting lives and I know u are fascinated by them... U may even fall in love . but do remember that u r an insignificant troll who is good at doing one complicated job and whose significance cannot be comprehended, appreciated or understood by the said fascinating people. So go back to your cave do the shit u usually do coz u have a deadline to meet.
-the voice inside my head

Company makes you doing end user support additionally to your (dev) job, so you have no time to do the latter.

- Favourite pastime while waiting for your code to compile
- Most heroic/ingenuous bug fix
- Hardest to track down bug
- Worst legacy code you wrote and left behind leaving a job
- Weirdest project
- Last side project you actually finished
- Explain your job like I'm five/the way you do it for non-tech people
- That time your past self (almost) got you in trouble
- Software pet peeves
- Story about how you freaked someone out
- Feature that most certainly was a bug once
- Post something for your favourite previous weekly tag!

How do some of you deal with being under qualified when it comes to job searching?
Do you still try to send an application just to see if it sticks?
Or do you try to find a listing that matches a great majority of your qualifications.

So after getting my question down-voted & deleted in SO, I thought of trying my luck here.

As a recent graduate and unemployed, Do you think I should focus on one web platform or I should know a bit of everything and then later on I focus on one platform when I get my full time job? or what do you think I should do?

I have experience with Laravel (mid-level) and asp.net core (beginner level).

Thank you for your time.

That moment when you don't want to quit your job because of your cute crushes 😍 in your company and this motivates you to do even better every single day.

Do you get informed about the reasons behind business decisions in your job?

That wasn't the case in my last job and I dreaded my code for that reason.

I think this kind of lack of information can lead to bad engineering decisions and unstructured code. Also, this doesn't lead to the needed ownership of your work.

What do you think?

Recruiter on LinkedIn:
"Hi *dev*,
I hope you don't mind me contacting on LinkedIn but I couldn't find your contact details. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't share this awesome job with you. Can U have you're phone number? I think you are a great candidate for this job.

If it's not quite right for you, please refer your contacts!"

Where do I start...
There's a good reason why I don't have my contact details in my profile. I also have a note saying I'm not looking for any jobs at the moment. If I'm "great candidate" what would you ask me to refer my friends? I know they're doing their job, but honestly it feels like they're retarded or something.

I'm thinking about making an linkidin account. I'm mostly a privacy centered person so I don't have any social media. Should I do it because it can maybe help me in my career? I'm currently at my first junior dev job.

Love to hear your opinions.

When your company forces you to program forms on the webpage with the sole intention of capturing your data then blasting you with emails, phone calls, and texts :( sometimes I really do hate my job

My last manager apprently was letting me go, bcoz I wanted a job which involved development, he said to me "why do you have aspire to develop???"
Frm now your aspirations will also be controlled.
P.S Resigned the next day

You do not own your companies code. Of you hate working at your job, don't let the feeling of responsibility for the codebase keep you there. I keep learning that lesson.

Mobile App Development vs. Web Development as a career? It doesn't matter. Do your job well. Sometimes, you can't control where they put you.

customer support masterclass from iVPN:
— why your app is not available in russia?
— our app is not available in russia because laws
— yes, but russian laws allow vpn services
— our app is not available in russia
— but all your competitors' apps are available
— our app is not available in russia

that feeling when an inanimate object could do a better job than this human being. ffs

In getting a remote job, go to a lot of online job boards. Filter their feed for remote work or work from anywhere. Get the RSS feed (if they don't have it, make one yourself), and add them to your RSS reader, like Feedly.

Do the following daily:
Go through the feed, study the job post ad, apply for the job as per their instructions. Archive those you don't have an interest in and those that you have applied. Repeat.

This also applies for hunting freelance contacts too.

Anyone else feels forced into a position by your project leader to be responsible for another coworker's work?

I feel like it is a burden of an ship anchor. They expect me to explain when she does not do her job correctly or uses too much time on X task.

So we have this team bonding and feedback session every monday, where everyone in the team needs to say what they appreciate of their team member and what they wish the team member would change... The whole thing takes about 2 hours.

Honestly, feel like a corporate BS, what feedback do you want? Just do your job and I am happy with it... Well I guess that's part of the corporate world, instead of just doing your job, it is about how big your "influence" is in the company and how many people like you

Dear devs, making your software "work" is the least thing you do as a dev. Write tests, write readable, maintainable, extensible code, and ensure that your code runs sufficiently fast and efficiently. Also consider using the right tech for your use case and nature the of the software. It's your job to ensure that your software runs efficiently and effectively, and stop saying "it works" and end there. God forbid you use bubblesort and say it works or do some dumb **** like that.

>Be me.
>Apprentice dev, first real programming job.
>Excited to start work.
>Contract comes through.
>About what I expected, i.e. we own everything you make while working here.
>Sign and send the signed pages back.
>Next day...

>READ THESE 5 20 PAGE PDF BOOKLETS, DO PENSIONS, SIGN 3 DOCUMENTS, LET US LOOK UP YOUR DICK PICS AND EVERYTHING ELSE, GIVE US YOUR PASSPORT, AND SEND BACK THE ENTIRE CONTRACT.

>...ok.

"That’s why pro bono work is great. You choose to do it, and if you’re choosing to do it to grow your own work, your deal is essentially that you’re not going to collaborate. You’re going to do the job the way you think the job is gonna be done." - Paula Scher

HELL YEAH! First day into the vacation and after checking the mails, I see that I have a new job offer from a company I have applied for. It is not the company with the highest priority on my list, but it is still cool to have them inviting me for a talk that fast.

Btw. I have a question to the experienced job switchers among us (I do not mean job switchers in a bad way).
What do you guys set your priorities on when it comes to joining a company? Do you have any tips for people who want to join a company in a general view? What NO-GOs can you give to us? Thanks.

Worst thing happening to a developer can be when your manager tells you how to do you your job. Fucking tell me whats's the solution and i'll figure out a solution.

As much as I hate the army and what it represents, I do often wish managers served as squad leaders or officers to at least learn the basics:
- Your job is to protects your people and care for them
- All your people are equal, you do not show preferential treatment
- You are a role model, you do not badmouth a soldier in front of others

Honestly I have/hear so many bad experiences and simply can't wrap my head around having managers out there that don't understand these basic rules..

How do you turn off work mode when you clock out of your job?

me, first job interview:
interviewer: so how about your knowledge of java
me: yeah, done some projects, should be ok
interviewer: what about polymorphism in java, can you tell me sth about it?
me (thinking i'm totally right): hehe, you can't do polymorphism in java!

guess what, didnt get the job :D

I don't know your view on girls coding but I love it. They're vicious, focused and can do their job and instantly they can smile at you and make you forget everything. Thank you for being around the office.

Please, share your website backup strategies and practices - I have a simple php/mysql webapp and files don't actually have any backup other than the fact that they're also saved in a dropbox, and for DB I have a cron job that will export it daily and send it to my email.

How do you do it? How large are sites/app that you're backing up?

You will get far more rejections than acceptance. A lot of the time it has more to do with the interviewer and not the candidate (assuming the candidate is a genuine hard worker). The job search process is similar in this regard to finding a mate or compiling your code.

Keep moving forward!

How do you know when to quit working for a particular company?

When you quit your job, what are the things or factors that tell you that that's the right time to do it?
🤔

When you're so antsy about getting the eff out of your current job and find a better one that you can't even think properly and do your tasks anymore...

First they make it difficult to do your job. "Only use this server for your testing with twenty other engineers". And when you adjust to that, they change it to impossible. "The server is off limits while demos are on going" .. But you're expected to continue working at full speed ahead.

To the DevOps here, what do you normally do in your job?

When this guy started asking me a bunch of googled questions such as:
Why should I hire you?
Why do you want this job?
What do you know about the company?
Describe your biggest fear?
What's your biggest strength/weakness ?
Dood pls

I get it you don't know anything. You are not paying me to be your teacher.

Let me do my job!

At what point can we stop explaining ourselves and every little detail of the job.

When you do your job without knowing you did. Now I just use this instead of looking for the function which is compatible.

Do you think your job is actually making a difference to the society? Do you think it's necessary to make a difference?

Anyone who's a student and also working on a job .
How do you manage your time ?
And what's the courage level to do a certain task ?

!Rant
What languages do you guys most commonly use?
Do any of you use C#? If you do, what's your job?

Had to turn down a job offer today because of a BUNCH of red flags in their hiring process that hinted that their corporate culture was absolute trash. HR people are trash when they do whatever they want to with your time just because you’re in need. If they had been more ethical and professional, I’d have a job and they’d have a position filled. But, no, they had to play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

Jenkins you are a bad butler! Why can't you just do your job? We wouldn't be in this pickle if it weren't for your incapability!

Job opening: any suggestions for a replacement butler?

!rant
What can you expect to earn at your first IT/dev job in your country (e.g. junior dev after graduating)?

What do seniors usually get?

When you are about to pause your coding-job for one day to do all the stuff you do on your freetime. Like coding. We're super strange people...

My top 3 open source projects are :
KDE ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Libinput gestures (allows you to do custom actions with your touchpad)
Strapi (Wich is a nodejs headless cms that gets the job done very quickly I haven't tested it in prod tho)

When you're so exhausted that the weekend isn't enough for you to reset anymore, that your manager won't pull you off the project because client likes you (or that he just doesn't want to lose the project), that you can't quit, or kill yourself (because you start getting those ideas), since sister depends on you financially and you just care for her that much, you just keep going, wearing your smiling face at all times, trying to continue shitting code because it's your job, and what's left of you deep inside is yelling for help.
Man, do I need a new job.
No worries people. I just really need some whining right now. Hopefully I get news from my latest interviews.

When you can't do your job properly because management refuses to fork out for the expensive tools you need and gives you cheap/shitty tools instead

When the product manager says that the next version of the product should make your job obsolete (by making it possible to do ALL possible changes via a GUI).

Sure thing, will do! I love working on this idea!

Hey you were not here yesterday so we assigned you to do this job that requires this training and is really fun and good for your experience

Says the coworker that was supposed to do it but does not want to do it because he thinks the work takes too much time and doesn't think the training is usefull.

Sorry what???

What you sexy bright smart mastermind memelords do day to day in your job? What projects you working on and what is you part in it? I am really curious what your typing looks like after you go home.

I want to freelance when I'm not doing my full time job. To those that are freelancers, how should I get started? What is your experience? How do you guys get customers?