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Search - "ah shit here we go again"
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$work: Ey @Root, make this super simple thing.
$work: No, not like that.
$work: It also needs to do A, B, and C.
$work: No, not there. You should build it somewhere else, but I won't tell you where.
$work: You need to build out F and G, too.
$work: What do you mean you don't have the data? Just ask support drone #3. (who directs me to #2, and that one to #8 who doesn't know, and that one to #12 who won't answer)
$work: Why can't I do K, Y, or S? You should be able to infer these from the mind of whoever wrote the ticket by its wording, despite no mention of them whatsoever.
$work: Are you done yet? It's a super simple ask!7 -
Me passing time on the weekend
Random call from unknown number
Turns out it's the manager
M: hey , how is your weekend going ...
Me: nothing much ... Whatsup ?
M : yeah well , we wanted to push some minor adhoc fixes as some clients wanted it urgently
The Devops folks need developer support . Can you pitch in and monitor
Me : I'm not aware of what changes are going , i don't think i can provide support
M : don't worry it's minor changes , it's already tested in pre prod , you just need to be on call for 30 mins
Me : ugh okay .. guess 1 hr won't hurt
M: thanks 👍🏽
Me: *logs in
*Notices the last merged PR
+ 400 lines , implemented by junior dev and merged by manager
*Wait , how is this a *minor* release...
*Release got triggered already and the CI CD pipeline is in progress
*5 mins later
*Pipeline fails , devops sends email - test coverage below 50%
Manager immediately pitches in ...
M: hey , i see test coverage is down , can you increase it ?
Me: and how do u suppose I do that ?
M : well it's simple just write UTC for the missing lines ... Will it take time ?
Me : * ah shit here we go again
Yeah it will take time , there are around 400 lines , I am not aware of this component all together
Can you ask junior dev to pitch in and write the UTC for this
*Actually junior dev is out on a vacation with his girlfriend
M : well he's out for the weekend , but
as a senior dev , i expect you to have holistic understanding of the codebase and not give excuses ,
this is a priority fix which client are demanding we need this released ASAP
Me : * wait wat ?
---
I ended up being online for next 3 hours figuring out the code change and bumping up the UTC 🤦🏾9 -
The year was 2021 and we have to implement X
Alice, the manager: let's do this and this
Me: actually that won't scale, I did the same in my previous company. Here's an analysis on why it doesn't scale
Alice: nope, we'll have to do it like that. If it doesn't scale we'll fix it. It's a learning opportunity.
The feature was rolled out, and we got tons of alerts after 1 week.
Alice: haha what a ride! At least the team learned something new
Me: I didn't learn anything new. All I got was stress and disrupted sleep because of those midnight incidents...
Then 2022 came, Alice was promoted thanks to the incredible leadership to deliver X, I joined a different project, a part of this project is to implement Y, similar to X.
Bob, the manager: let's do this and this
Me: actually that won't scale, I did the same in my previous project. Here's an analysis on why it doesn't scale, you can ask Alice if you want.
Bob: nope, we'll have to do it like that. If it doesn't scale we'll fix it. It's a learning opportunity.
The feature was rolled out, and we got tons of alerts after 1 week.
Bob: haha what a ride! At least the team learned something new
Me: I didn't learn anything new. All I got was stress and disrupted sleep because of those midnight incidents...
It's 2023 now, Bob got promoted thanks to the awesome leadership to roll out Y, I joined another project, which requires us to develop Z, similar to X and Y.
Chris, the manager: let's do this and this
Me: ah shit here we go again...4 -
>closes laptop to let it cool down at 5:10PM
>5 minutes later, boots back up on its own and doesn't go back to sleep
>opening and logging back in
"We have an important update for you planned for 5:30PM"
OH NO YOU DON'T, you fucker!
Shit like this makes me wanna call Windows the McDonald's of operating systems.3 -
Ah, yes, the ages old dilemma of a piece of shit function written in-between taking long drags out of a fucking crackpipe being more reliable than the refactored version; how delightful.
Now, they say broken code from cleanup of sketchy bits is better than any working snippet whose reading feels as pleasant as being repeatedly slapped with a decaying rhinoceros testicle sack, but I'll be fucked if I don't __sometimes__ feel like I just *might* prefer eating the maggot soup out of the rotting fucking gonads of deceased male pachydermata than deal with this kind of shit: feet facing backwards and all that.
Ugh. If only I could live my life without everyday feeling like I'm on a pointless quest to slay a mother fucking dragon, where everytime I get to the castle I'm suddenly a mustachioed italian plumber stepping on turtles and my bitch is in another sicillian ghetto. You know, basic shit.
The good thing in seeing these old errors pop up again after my shoddy bandaid of a patch is taken off is that I'm finally experienced enough to realize that my ~ A P P R O A C H ~ was wrong to beg with. And this is VERY nice, because I came in to do some trivial maintenance of forgotten code, and now I have a plan for correcting a very small and silly but definitively annoying as fuck design error.
Why am I so annoyed then? Because it's more and more work, it never fucking ends, and I can't EVER take a break: with apocalypsis incoming, as we have clearly seen in the stars, tea cups, palm readings, crytal balls, ouija boards, and also in the cover of old-school pornographic magazines nailed to the wall of a defunct newspaper kiosk, the fear of economic collapse is somewhat too real to even THINK about any kind of necessary vacation.
And so: fucking shit, here we go again... TIME FOR MORE COFFEE.
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