If you could remember that I'm not your staff anymore and stop assigning me to projects. That'd be fucking swell.

I'm meant to be infrastructure now so fuck off. Oh a devs leaving let's hand the project to the infrastructure guy who's fucking leaving also!!

Fucking genius. I'm so close to just to saying fucking swivel and walking out. Fuck the notice period.

I'm not sure whats saddest that'll likely be doing gdpr for another two months. Or that the pm thinks we'll be ready by the deadline.

Woke up today and my second thought was I should make a game. First being I need to pee.

I've no idea why. I've not been reading up on it (until today). I've not been playing games and I've not properly touched game dev since it was a unit in college 5+ years ago.

It has consumed me all fucking day. And I'm practically done with writing my project plan for it. Where the fuck has this come from?

I don't think I've been so excited to start working on a project since I started coding.

I think I may be someone's wk101soon given how things are going for me.

So I get shipped over to the new offices to do some work. Initially, I was supposed to be updating SQL stored procedures.

That I can handle, well my task is now to build the skeleton project for a web API in core 2.0 using domain driven design and onion architecture which the rest of the team will use.

Okay, I don't have any experience in any of that at all. And god bless the team lead explaining some stuff to me. But it's going to take more than a 20-minute chat here and there for this stuff to sink in.

And being told just to build it how you think it should be isn't great advice when I'm trying to figure out how the systems work.

Every other API project I look at is structured completely different from one another so looking for patterns has failed.

I'm fucking stressed out every bit of information I'm getting on whats potentially happening with my job im getting second hand from people. Because I can't access my emails while off-site something I'm repeatedly flagging.

Every job advert is painstakingly making it clear how out of date my skill set is (or lack of). Evidently, I've been way too lax, and this has been a kick in the bollocks I'm not likely to forget.

If we're being evaluated on performance to see who they'll keep, then I've failed at the first hurdle.

Life lesson for those in education, don't be this knob head here and get comfortable when you land a job. Just knowing about the tech that's commonly used in your field does jack all study it.

Not a structured/meaningful rant and shits probably not as bad as I see it. I've only chewed through one fingernail after all.

Actually finish a side project would be good or win the lottery.

Well I asked what Wednesday could bring in my last rant.

Potential redundancy apparently. Company I work for has just been bought and no one knows if any jobs are safe.

The question is do I still have a interviewing suit? (One that fits)

Wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Monday I fuck up by duplicatung some emails.
Today my colleague accidentally sent emails in our test system out which in turn reduplicated the same emails I sent.

My boss is going to love it when he's back in.

Wait so I'm not allowed Spotify but it's alright for a manager to stream movies?

Don't give that we're not licensed to play music pretty sure we're not a licensed cinema either.

Either it's one rule for all or none at all enjoy your productivity dip from the dev team.

Mint imperials

The fuck did you think was going to happen?

User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.

PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?

Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.

I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.

PM: Well that's not what x said.

Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)

PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits.

Build failed
Click build solution again
Build works.

I can't tell if it's me, the code, windows updates or visual studio updates but something fucked up.

It be cool our if SVN got fixed so I could commit changes again. Or while it's down look at other vc options, maybe git?

Nudge, nudge wink, wink.

But in all seriousness wtf did the dba's do to break SVN? Logging my changes in a spreadsheet sucks raw balls.

Code freeze is today but what's this in my inbox an updated spec which needs me to redo everything from scratch again.

Kindly go fuck yourself.

I should've tried Mint sooner the first distro that has just worked out of the box for me.

Easy to install deb packages the ui looks good built in dark theme. If it runs as well on my desktop as it is on my laptop I think I'll have a distro for life.

You know it's bad when you've planned a word addon thats sole purpose is to do mail merges.

I've done guides and shown people how to do them. Still comes to me the bloke in IT to do a simple mail merge because googling it is too complex.

It's going to be epic it will hold their hands let them know they are bestest cupcake out of the whole batch.

The progress bar will be a rainbow and each button will sparkle. Because If I get taken of my dev work to do another fucking mail merge I'll probably quit on the spot.

And I do not have the savings readily available to hold me over until I got a new job.

Knob sockets the lot of em.

You're a bit too junior we need someone with a bit more experience.

Job was listed as junior/apprentice dev.

We've password protected a file and forgot the password we need it cracking asap.

Sorry we can't crack passwords on files.

If we don't get access to the file it'll cost the company up to 250k.

Well you should've thought about that before encrypting the fucking file with 256 bit encryption.

When I forgot how to do an if statement.

Friends do have their uses after all.

Me: I'm still trying to find a to-do app I actually like.
Friend: Don't you make software for a living?
Me: More of a help desk monkey but yes.
Friend: Why don't you just make the app you want?
Me: Because it hadn't occurred to me that I could probably do that until now.

Time to go read up on android development and java.

We want to improve the portal by making apps for it what can you do or recommend?

Well holy shit this is new you're actually asking the dev team for advice on a future project.

Normally you immediately go to a third party waste a shit ton of money and then tell us we have a week to add whatever it is into our system.

Then when we can't do it or have to delay other projects you're dragging our manager into a meeting with the CEO complaining that IT are refusing to cooperate or are holding up the project etc.

The change of heart is much appreciated but where the fuck did this come from? New year resolution?

1 fix my crappy sleep schedule.
2 organise my time better.
3 stop being a glutton.
4 earn a aws cert.
5 build a portfolio site.
6 build projects to go on portfolio site.
7 find a new job?
8 do some machine learning.
9 find love?
10 continue automating people out their job at their request.

It has officially been piss on my chips day.
1 bus pass refused to work today.
2 my pixel decided it would die. Will not boot or charge.
3 go on lunch and get battered by hailstone.
4 work pc decided it wants to blue screen whilst updating.

Best: Realising I can code and I actually do have the drive to pursue this career but need to make some changes to get there.

Worst: Also realising I'm very logic oriented and process driven and work in a company that would rather piss on exposed power mains over training their staff.

Does anyone know if there's a Bob Ross of development?

I feel like I just need to hear someone coding or talking best practices in a chilled out relaxing way to help me through the day.

This is the 5th time I'm going to a meeting to explain this simple detail.

Yes what you want is doable however, To do this we need to revamp another system which will require its own project to do.

This shit here is why your jobs are getting automated.

This is a group sin.

We'd get the code checked and then run it straight to live. No test environments no real back up in place or process for releasing.

Just run code in if it broke run fix 1 through 3 until you got it right. That was two years ago.

Overheard this today.

Client: I've tried running it but the batch file isn't working.

Tech: You're a batch file.

"Oh I knew they'd say that it's why I didn't get them to test it "

Did these words really just come out of your mouth? Who the fuck left you in charge of planning this shit?

Some team manager requested dev work it got approved and done standard. However they knew from the get go their team would rip it apart so when it came to the testing phase did he get his team to use it?

No he pulled fucking random people from other teams who don't use this feature at all in their day to day to test and sign it off.

Sod your vision mate. Our team just lost two months of work your team's productivity has dropped because you had a picture of how things should be but didn't want to be told no. And for a fucking valid reason your method is shit.

Don't think he'll be left in charge of a project anytime soon.

Who just accidentally volunteered to go through an apps code and write down how it all works?

This guy!

Asked what I thought was a simple yes no question and have now caused an entire department to question everything they know.

On the plus side at the end of this I'll be the go-to guy for this app. And I can document it as I go.

So win win?

Why isn't this ready for testing yet?

Could it be that despite multiple meetings emails and face to face conversations none of you have provided me with what I actually need?

Yes I can create you new email and SMS campaigns. But I need two little things first.
1 The template text.
2 The sign off forms from compliance

Without them I can't do shit. So stop chasing me on where we're at because I've been chasing you on this for two weeks.

This shit here is why I'm the grumpy It guy.