Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..

Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?

Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.

*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*

*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*

*Crickets chirp*

There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.

Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.

Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?

Yeah, fuck you too...

Me: I'm done working for today, let's pack up and go home !
Windows: :)
Me: You better fucking not-
Windows: Installing update 1 of 893...

"Can we make all users computer freeze and allow only input on our website?"

"We" can shove a knife up your ass you fucking dipshit.

Brain, stop. Please just stop coming up with new ideas for one fucking second.

I wish I could implement them all but I have never finished a side project ever.

Please. Just. Fucking. Give. Me. A. Fucking. Rest. Right. Now. And. Stop, Coming. Up. With. New. Project. Ideas.

😫😡

YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS

IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.

AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.

AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT

AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO

FUCK THE LOT OF YOU

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

NO IOS, I DONT WANT TO SETUP A FUCKING TOUCH ID. I DONT FUCKING TRUST YOU WITH MY FUCKING BIOMETRIC DATA AND I DONT WANT TO GET A NOTIFICATION ABOUT SETTING IT UP EVERY FUCKING HOUR.

6am. no fucking alarm clock needed, my fucking passion to code woke me up

Oh fuck off Google.

YouTube has stories now.

Brb going to throw up in a trash can. The most fucking stupid feature for YouTube.

Oh, great question! I ended up removing my account of all things -.-

NEVER AGAIN!! THAT THING NEEDS FUCKING SUDO AND AN ALCOHOL TEST!!!

The next person who calls the server disruption/emergency line for something that is NOT related to a server wide issue/outage is going to get a rusty pipe with fucking sambal up their fucking ass.

I am so fucking done with this bullshit.

Fuck the cookie warnings on websites!

They don't do anything helpful and are just fucking annoying. Especially on some websites where they take up half og the fucking screen.

Please wait for Windows to finish fucking up your system before powering it off

>be me.
>never understood jokes about linux users fucking shit up
>starts using linux
>day 3 manages to fuck shit up
>ooooohhh

A fucking wasp bit me and now (after heating up the affected area thoroughly) I'm keeping it cool like a true nerd.

Oh yeah no this is fucking great. I get around 5 hours of sleep a night during the week.

Went to bed early yesterday.

Just woke up after six fucking hours with a fucking headache and nightmares.

Sleep rhythms can be a fucking bitch.

Although this is gonna sound like bullshit, this happened to me for real. Since that moment I use even more backup services AND I regularly check EVERYTHING.

Had a backup of my important data (still used mainstream services back then) on:

- Hotmail email attachments
- Google Drive
(Both link to another email account).
- A few data backup services
- DVD
- USB
- External HDD.

I wanted to copy some backup data over again:

1. Walk to my staple of HDD's, tried to grab it, somehow missed and knocked the whole fucking pile over. HDD broken.

2. Well fuck, let's go put some of my clothes in the washing machine for clean clothes at study/monday. After this shit being in the washing machine for just a few minutes, I realized my backup USB stick was in one of my pockets, in the washing machine. FUCK. Couldn't stop it so I waited till the end, tried it and well, it wasn't working at all anymore.
Fuck my fucking life slightly right now.

3. *remembers about the backup disc*. I forgot to keep it in its case, very deep scratches and so on, unreadable. FUCKING FUCK.

4. Right, I still have those online services! *tries to login to all of them (including hotmail/gdrive) but forgot the password. Well, let's login to my backup account then (hadn't used that one in years). Account was suspended for some reason.
Started to get really anxious because every online backup service was linked to that email address.
Contacted customer support. They really couldn't restore it because of some issues they weren't allow to tell me. Sorry but I couldn't retain access.

5. Well this is fucked up. Couldn't get into any of the backup/hotmail/gdrive accounts anymore.
I tried contacting their support but never got any replies.

This was the moment I realized I fucked up big fucking time because damn, this stuff at this level hardly happens to anyone.

FUCK.

YOU ARE A FUCKING SOFTWARE DEVELOPER WITH AT LEAST A LITTLE TRAINING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP FUCKING UP THE GIT REPOSITORY BY COMMITTING THE GODDAMN NODE_MODULES

Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!

Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!

New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.

FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*creates table in database*
*writes query to retrieve data*
*gets error and Google's problem for 2 hours but no luck*
*in frustration, takes a half hour break*
*checks database for set up issues*
*realizes that the database is the wrong fucking database*
*face palm & quits fucking life*

I make dumb fucking mistakes like this way too much

I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.

!!rant
!!ANGER

Micromanager: "Hey, Root!

Since you're back, and still not feeling well, we have an easy ticket for you: Rewrite the slack integration gem! Oh, you don't have to re-implement all of it, just make sure it all works the same way it does now. That bitch you worked with once over a year ago who kept throwing you under the bus to management and stealing credit for your work? Yeah, she wrote the original code like four years ago. It's perfect, so don't touch it. but she can fill you in on all the details you need and get you up to speed on how to test it.

But yep! It should be simple. and I just knew you would love this ticket, so I saved it just for you. Nice and quick, too, to get you an easy win.

You know, since you have to repair your reputation with product. and management. and the execs. and the rest of the team. and me. Yeah, product doesn't trust you so they don't want to give you any tickets. They just can't trust you to get them out and have them work. So you have a lot of hard work to do."

Spoiler: The bus-thrower wasn't much help. (Surprise.)
Spoiler: The ticket was already in my backlog -- one of a grand total of two tickets.
Spoiler: I don't find the ticket fun. Maybe if I was to write the entire implementation with a nice DSL? but no, "don't touch the perfect code." Fuck you.
Spoiler: It isn't going to be nice or quick. But, she (micromanager) is looking to lose me, so that really is an easy win. for her.

And. just. argh. fuck you. i've been exhausted and dying for well over a year, but you've kept ignoring that (and still are, despite me providing goddamn legal forms from fucking doctors stating it in plain fucking english, which you also fucking ignore), and you just keep piling on the work and demanding the ridiculous of me despite it. Yeah I can pull it off sometimes. No, I really shouldn't, and I'm surprised I can. (also, "Time off? What, and lower your productivity even more? ____ doesn't even take vacations. And how are you doing on that ticket?") And no, none of my tickets have ever had any fucking problems. Not even when there are upstream service outages. Not. a. single. fucking. one. Ever. And the only things I've ever missed were things that bloody product never put in the fucking ticket, so fuck you with your "repair your reputation" bullshit.

god, i fuckiNG HATE THESESTUPOID ANWETLJAF SAJEWTKW BITCHFACEDUCKFUCKERS

Why the FUCK am I still fucking working here?
Right, because I've been burned out and dying so much I can't pass a fucking interview so I can fucking leave.

jasdkl;fk

ugh. Anyway. If you ever find yourself starting work at a Cali fintech company whose internal mascot is a very fine duck? Just run. I absolutely guarantee you will be miserable.

I applied for a backend job. Somehow i ended up doing frontend. Ok whatever the pay is alright and i dont mind doing js. But then i see the backend team doing absolute horseshit, stacking up overhead and not even fucking documenting the endpoints, i get mad.
And now our sysadmin left so there is no fucking server and i cant run locally because of 9trillion config files (remember the overhead part?) and the pm is nagging me to get the site done WHEN THERE IS NO FUCKING SERVER. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, SET IT ALL UP AGAIN? THATS NOT MY FUCKING JOB YOU IMBECILE FUCKFACE.

I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF WE'VE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS, IT FUCKING CAME UP AGAIN DIDN'T IT?! SO WE CLEARLY DIDN'T NAIL IT THE FIRST FUCKING TIME.

Good fucking God non-technical iPhone owners are such a fucking cancerous group

"You're just mad because you're broke"

"Lol broke boy."

"That potato ass camera though"

"Shut up before I take your battery out."

Like fucking Christ what an autistic buncha fucking brainless monkeys. We should have a Holocaust for ignorant cunts like them.

First fucking night of being on call again.

Normally I set an alarm at 3 to check if any critical disruptions have been going on.

But why the fuck would I need that if I woke up every fucking hour at night anyways?

I'm fucking tired right now and agitated as hell.

@soolkiki The coffee wide eyes, fucked up hair and the rubber duck worship...

ERNIE'S A FUCKING DEVELOPER!!!

"Windows can't update because you don't have enough disk space"

HOW ABOUT YOU STOP FUCKING POPPING UP A GIANT UNFUCKOFFABLE OVERLAY IN THE MIDDLE OF MY VIDYA GAMES FOR THE 10000th TIME?

I fucking know I have no disk space, if you complain one more fucking time, I'll make disk space -- by deleting you.

(I'm joking, linux/mac game support is so fucking trash)

When you get a client from real MOTHERFUCKING hell.

You just really FUCKING want to say this:

Scorched earth MOTHERFUCKER. I will massacre you. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB.
First, take a big step back and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE.
I will rain down an ungodly FUCKING firestorm upon you.
You're gonna have to call the FUCKING United Nations and get a FUCKING BINDING RESOLUTION to keep me from FUCKING destroying you.
I am talking SCORCHED EARTH MOTHERFUCKER.
I will MASSACRE you.
I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

But for your own sake you keep it at this:
Yes sir/ma'am :).

Someone went to HR complaining about never getting a lunch... We're told to work them out amongst ourselves and cover, but he's never once asked us to cover.

So now we HAVE to take lunch and we HAVE to make up that time by staying late or coming in early.

There are days when I'm on a roll and I don't WANT to stop to take lunch. It fucks with my rhythm and I end up breaking shit. We're all adults, why the fuck can't people act like it?

!dev
It's one of those nights again. It's so hot that I'm constantly sweating my fucking ass off and its near impossible to ventilate here. Fucking irritated for some fucking reason and questioning all my fucking life and work decisions yet again.

I don't fucking need this right now. Have to get up in 6 hours but oh boy is this going to be a long night.

Last night was my first ever MeetUp to meet other coders.

Open my laptop and power up...

Widows is applying updates.... 30 fucking minutes!

Cringe.

Complains why the app is not done yet ...

Because you fucking keep coming up with new features and ask us to implement them immediately !!!??

I fucking hate websites that refuse to show their content unless you enable their JS clusterfuck. Yes I am blocking JavaScript because I'm sick of all those goddamn frameworks from God knows what domain. IS THAT FUCKING WRONG?!! I don't hate front-end devs, in fact I respect them for keeping up with design needs of shitty clients. But that fucking Web 2.0 with 50 frameworks per tab and no HTML or even PHP whatsoever for those who block your JS crap.. shove it right up your fucking ass!!!

Just gotta love random hibernation wake ups, went sleep on time in like a year, fell asleep quick and then my fucking 3 monitors turn on and the fucking pc woke up, for no fucking reason, blasting equal of 4 suns into my eyes.

This company has been a "start-up" for 5 years farming money off of fucking idiots using a shitty CMS.

- The senior dev gets paid 15/hr
- No use of version control or testing
- the CEO has no fucking knowledge about tech.

and you wonder why it's FAILING?! I'm surprised you guys stayed afloat this long, jesus fucking christ.

My special talent in life is fucking up a tutorial that I follow step by step.

So we have this long term contractor that EVERY FUCKING TIME says MySQL meaning SQL Server... Like wtf dude? Shut the fuck up...

First tor relay is up and running. Works well, all good.

Want a faster one as well (nearly 1gbs) and trying to set it up but the control port won't get its fucking ass up. No clue what's going wrong :/

Probably missing something but idk what.

Grrrrrr.

Fucking fuck you fucking fucked up fuckery.

I got fired and signed mortgage at the same day. Well looks like next two months going to be fun.

Time to get drunk.

Switched banks, got new e-banking, unable to set up a new password.

It contains invalid characters.

IT'S A FUCKING BANK ACCOUNT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO USE HASHTAGS OR EVEN HAVE FUCKING SPACES IN IT IF I FEEL LIKE IT.

Monday you fucking bastard! Woke up twice more exausted than i was when i was going to the bed!

I never really used Git or any Source Control before but today I decided yo give it a shot.
IT'S FUCKING AMAZING!!
I fucking love branches!!! I have to change the way an app stores configurations and git makes it incrediblyyy easy without risking fucking up everything in production

Well I'm on the way to an interview for an IT Management internship at Logitech, wish me luck I'm so fucking scared.
Any tips will be nice because I'm so fucking afraid I will fuck it up

just ended up googling "how to fucking install bullshit ms sql 2014 local db on fucking win 7 workstation" - was quite surprised about the amount of (more or less) matching results

Soviet Union actually tried to fucking TURN RIVERS AROUND to fucking SHOW USA that if it controls nature it rules the world.

They seriously fucked up the ecology and flooded some cities.

Imagine being this stupid.

What kind of fucking application sends me my an e-mail with my password in plain text when I sign-up!?

FUCKING STARBUCKS

Get your goddamn internet speeds up to 1st world speeds

I have a fucking paper to write

FUCKING PEOPLE THAT USE PUBLIC TRANSPORT! THIS SHIT RANT IS FOR YOU CUNTS!

I mean, IF YOU ARE FUCKING DEAF DONT USE FUCKING EARPHONES AND TURN THE FUCKING VOLUME UP SO HIGH THAT EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOUR SHITTY
Dubstep, EDM, K-Pop OR ANY OTHER FUCKING MUSIC! thank you AND FUCK OFF!

And also IF YOU WANT TO GET ON THE FUCKING BUS, MAKE ROOM FOR PEOPLE TO GET OUT FIRST! I mean, the entrance STAYS FUCKING OPEN! AND FUCKING OTHER PEOPLE ALSO HAVE TO LEAVE THE FUCKING BUS FIRST!
I LEARNED THAT IN FUCKING KINDERGARTEN!

We have a ver crappy Internet connection at my office (I believe it's 100Mb/s for 50 people to share), so when somebody starts downloading a big file they pretty much hijack all the available bandwidth and fuck up everybody else.

Now, we have ONE, just ONE SINGLE FUCKING COMPUTER RUNNING FUCKING WINDOWS 10 AND EVERY WEEK IT FUCKS UP THE ENTIRE OFFICE'S INTERNET CONNECTION WITH ITS STUPID FUCKING UNCANCELLABLE MANDATORY UPDATES.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT.

When you have to wake up by 4am because of an early morning meeting. Its almost 2 am and still wide awake. Fucking brain

FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?

LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP

SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT

ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME

GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.

FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?

FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY

Love really fucking sucks. It's the only exception i try but can't catch and i end up crashing in a bar alone and drunk. I finally wake up in my apartment just to do it all over again.

When you spend all fucking day just setting up your environment and pipelining

Feeling productive at a Sunday evening. Let's install a DNS server and a fucking mail server on two forgotten VPS's I am still paying for.

SO A-FUCKING-PPEARANTLY, THEIR WEB MANAGEMENT PANEL IS FUCKED UP SO I CANNOT REINSTALL MY MOTHERFUCKER VPS's. HOW FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING DIFFICULT CAN IT BE.

What the fuck

Whoever designed the McD's website for India is a fucking moron! Who the fuck adds the fucking CVV number as a hidden fucking *integer*?

Can't fucking write a CVV that starts with 0! Had to shell out fucking cash!

Who the fuck ever developed and fucking tested it were probably high AF and fucked up in the head at the same fucking time!

I set the fucking alarm at 06.40. It's now 10.56 and I just woke up. What the HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Motherfucker, every fucking meeting on this project we have a fucking 3 week deadline to accomplish the fucking impossible.

And now they practically want me to rewrite the whole fucking application.

And my fucking boss can't fucking shut the fuck up and keep having "ideas" on new thing.

YEU FUKCING STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!!! HOW CAN WE ADD SHIT WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF ASSED BECAUSE WE DONT STOP ADDING SHIT? FUCK YOU!

Waking up at 5 fucking AM to fly my ass all the way across the country to Vegas on a fucking Saturday. For vacation you may ask? NO! FOR WORK! Just so I can sit in a conference room all fucking week and work there instead.

Oh no... I’m not attending the conference either. I have to provide support for the fucking ticketing systems!

I wake up, take a look at the clock: 5:21.
The alarm is at 5:40.
Thanks fucking sleep cycle for waking me up to wake up the alarm clock... FUCK!!!

Keep your fucking petition and readme only shit to yourself or those fucking petition websites, that everybody uses to fucking wipe their ass with, you fucking limp dicked piece of skunk shit

I am already fucking blocking all sorts of media not to hear about all your whiney fucking crap, now I have to also fucking endure your brainless fucking justice warrior bullshit all over github, all over rss feeds, all over fucking everywhere

go fucking get smoked by a car or go fucking overdose, for all I care, just fucking smear yourself all over a fucking wall, as long as you keep your fucking worthless opinion away from me

the fucking worst of it all is that every fucking shithead out there puts it up your face, even if you blocked a million of those fucking clones, then somebody that you follow or a website you visit, will fucking shove that shit in your face, github is not for your fucking propaganda

IF THESE SPOTIFY DEVS DONT FUCKING FIX THEIR SHIT SOFTWARE IM GONNA RAM MY FUCKING TIMESHEET UP THEIR ASSES.

Oh Christ.. just been looking for hosting companies here in Belgium to look for sysadmin positions.. one of the fucking companies posted this: "we provide Uptime-as-a-Service"

The fucking cringe!!! Uptime as a service! Everything including the only fucking job a hoster has, keeping shit up and running.. as a service.. fuck!

We work in a field full of pretentious bitches, messed up egos, and fucking over inflated titles.

When will you fucking give up! ლಠ益ಠ)ლ

Dear IT,

STOP FUCKING RESETTING SERVERS AT 9PM AT NIGHT, WHEN DEV PRODUCTIVITY IS AT IT'S EPITOME!!!!

DO YOU EVEN FUXKING UNDERSTAND THAT IT TAKES 20 MINUTES TO GET ALL THE SERVICES BACK FUCKING UP? ALL THE FOCUS BUILT UP, GONE IN A FLASH BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS TILL LATER.

sincerely,
mahaDev,
mind-fucked software engineer.

That's really fucking neat gradle.
And i had to wait 5 mins for this shit to show up

On hold to the jobcentre, coming up to 1.5 hours now...

FUCK YOU WITH A CACTUS WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE YOU USELESS CUMSTAIN OF A GOVERNMENT. I HAVE NO FOOD, NO HOME, AND 20% BATTERY.

SORT YOUR SHIT BEFORE I FIND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CALL CENTRE AND FIREBOMB THEM.

fucking hell. I fucking hate this shit.

YOU FUCKING FUCK PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT XCODE I FUCKING WISH YOU DISAPPEAR FROM THIS FUCKED UP WORLD!
What I did:
1. Scroll right on "Magic Mouse"
2. Profit! (XCode crash!)

You can't put a fucking login wall when I try to unsubscribe from your newsletter, you fucking asshole.
The reason I want to unsubscribe is because I don't fucking care anymore, which means I don't remember my password, and can't login and unsubscribe because you, fucking bastard, made a not working password recovery just to let me give up and never unsubscribe.
It's been 3 years… leave me alone.

i fucking hate when people just make tutorials with powerpoint slides explaining and talking for hours ughhhhh just shut the fuck up and show me the fucking code u fuckin mouth fucker

Dev : dude, life is tough. There are so many fucking languages and updates we need to cope up with..
Me : somebody please teach me "postman" , it fucking has its own world. 😭😭

Fuck you Windows 10 and your fucking mandatory updates that fuckes up every fucking time! Fuck you and your fucking inability to update beyond 71 fucking percent! This is the last fucking time you waste my time, your fucking out! Fuck you!!!

I’ve been programming with other languages than Python for so long that when I finally had to pick up Python to help teach my friend some python I felt like I was rediscovering a past life.

With Python I feel like King Fucking Arthur with the Holy Blade Excalibur, armored up and ready for fucking war.
When I’m writing a script I feel like I’m parrying and piercing my blade straight through that fuckers chest and slam them into the fucking ground. And leave their bleeding out cold dying body on the fucking ground with no hope in their eyes.

Although when an indentation error occurs I feel like I just fucking tripped over a fucking pebble and apparently stairs were nearby and I bash my head on all 1024 steps, get to the bottom to just to get some fucking Java Chad punt my fucking head like a fucking football screaming random reasons to not use python.

Fucking surprise payment pop-ups in apps!

I've just accidentally bought an app, because it randomly showed the "buy pro version" pop up...

I fucking hate it, when I have to stop working on my project, not because I am incompetent, but because somebody fucked up the docs or their fucking API doesn't work

I went to sleep at 7 fucking AM.
Mom kept knocking on my door until I woke up. Apparently I am the only one in this fucking house who can give directions to guests coming home.

I mean I feel like a fucking Gollum right now. Fuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkk !!! 😠😠😠😡😡😡

Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.

No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.

If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.

!dev

And again...

Our ISP doesn’t say it blocks any port on our Business Fixed IP. Currently I’m trying to access port 25 for SMTP. Guess what? Indeed port blocked. Called them “The port is open”, I visit a port checked, the same thing “Port Closed”

Always the fucking same thing. Every fcking time. These are just criminals. Lastly I removed their router, that they mentions was the only working router in our house and our signal from the other router, not provided by them was much better. They blocked the hotspots because we removed the router then. Guess what? On their site is an option Enable Hotspot on your home router (this enables your access to hotspots). Just pressed it. Haaa they can’t acces my router to set that up and it works.

In our second home, we have another ISP, Proximus, first they did difficult to come and install everything. Because in the appartment the previous owners didn’t pay the bills. After a week or so someone came to install it. Because they cut the cables couldn’t do it myself. Ok it worked for some time. After 3-4 months by once I can’t access the camera there, strange. My uncle went there and there was no internet. Neither TV. But we never received any invoice. Because they didn’t send them. We contacted them, no response. My father sends them an email, with politic people in copy and by once they called to say they will turn it back and scrap the invoices that were not send. They said no technician needed to come, as it’s second home. Guess what, next day a message came “We will arrive in less than an hour”
My uncle went. They did nothing, only restart the modem.
There still was no internet after two days after they came. We called back, response was: “There wasn’t anyone.” Yeah right, we have proof of a technicial that passed (Local Video). By once the internet worked.
Now 4 months later, still didn’t receive any invoice, neither via post or email.

Fuck those criminals, called ISPs

Hey im gonna take pip and shove it up my fucking asshole along with the people who made that piece of shit (:

Oh for fucks sake on a horse raping twat of a week.

It’s like everything that could go wrong did go wrong, from people fucking up, to orders being fucked up in multiple systems to me wanting to break someone’s fucking nose for being a complete dumb fuck. Seriously how do people that do a job, day in and day out go completely fucking brain dead and fuck things up beyond fucking repair over hundreds of orders.

Sorry but FUCK this shit, it can wait till fucking Monday you cunt rash of a shit.

A lot of people woke up "early" today (7:30am) just to preorder the new Xbox and brag about it...
I wake up at 5:30am each fucking morning and there is no console release. 😑

Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.

I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦‍♂️

I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.

Having me delete something is not fucking urgent and is not a fucking reason to blow up my fucking phone after I'm off. Holy fucking shit.

I SWEAR IF I USE ANOTHER WEBSITE OR FUCKIGN WEBAPP THAT SCROLLS UP TO THE FUCKING TOP OF THE FUCKING PAGE OR AT ALL IM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT

Nothing like a SQL Script failing and fucking up an important Database right before my christmas vacation...

Gotta love trying to sleep and waking up to a bright blue screen. Fucking Windows...

Windows is ready to install!
And I'm ready to fuck you up you little cunt
Fucking miss Linux man

My rants have been too long lately. Have some distilled ire instead.

Fuck computer gremlins.
Fuck non-deterministic BS.
Fuck shit working the third fucking time I try it with no changes in between.
Fuck MojoJojoing
Fuck ExecJS laoding only half the time
Fuck RubyMine for fucking up seven times a fucking day.
And fuck this dev environment!
I just want to fucking work!

adfjlkasdly

SOOOO FUCKING FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FRUSTRATED WITH PYTHON IMPORTS.

I WANT TO SMASH MY FUCKING SHITTY ASS LAPTOP AND GO BECOME AND FUCKING OUTDOOR INSTRUCTOR OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE IM SO FED UP OF THIS COMPUTER NO WORKY SHIT.

FUCK.

I do apologise for the caps there.

This fucking professor who doesn't go to classes and demands make up classes to catch up. Like WTF, So now you are taking our precious resting time where it is the only time we get our precious sleep? Fuck off. It was not our fault that you did not show up. I get that you want to catch up but taking our rest time is not cool. You are not the only one who stress us with fucking projects and exam shits...

GRANDPAFUCKING RETARDS!
I HOPE YOU ALL DIE ON SOME ELEPHANT DICKS TURNED AROUND YOUR HEADS WHILE GETTING RAPED BY THOUSANDS OF GIRAFFES (EACH OF THEM BEING SO HORNY THAT THEY ALSO COULD FUCK YOUR WIFE AT THE SAME TIME!)

THEY ASK ME A FUCKING QUESTION AND ONLY GIVE ME THE OPTION TO AGREE ON THE COOKIE POP-UP TO ENTER THE WEBSITE! YOU DIPSHITS!
YOU SISTERFUCKING ASSHOLES!

WELL... I FUCKING CLICKED "AGREE" AND WHEN I FINALLY FOUND THE PRIVACY CENTER (LOL) THE SAME FUCKING POP-UP DID APPEAR!
HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF, DISTROWATCH?!

Btw. they really still use tables instead of proper css styling.
DO WE LIVE IN THE FUCKING STONE AGE?!

Absolutely fucking hate it when someone sends a word document for me to fill it up, and it has the worst fucking structure ever. Everything is here and there, bunch of hacky macros and full of other bullshit.

What a lazy fucking piece of shit!

Good ol' fucking brain-dead autistic dipshit me just pulled an all-nighter reading rants on fucking devrant

Now wish me a good day's sleep you perfect-ragging entertaining bastards filling up devrant with the best posts I've ever read about programming.

You know what?

Last night I was dreaming and all that I’ve seen was fucking preloader.

Seriously. I couldn’t wake up. I tried thinking about something else but couldn’t focus on anything else than fucking preloader spinning around. Just couldn’t get it out of my head.

That was terrible. Am I even human? Or was my dreams server blocked? Damn, I’m gonna sleep with VPN tonight.

THE CURSED SPAWN FROM 20 GENERATIONS OF INBREEDING ALL ENDED UP IN MY FUCKING COMPANY

BIGGEST FUCKING MALWARE ON WIN 10 IS THE FUCKING ANTIMALWARE EXECUTABLE. ATLEAST OTHER MALWARES DON'T EAT UP ALL YOUR FUCKING RAM WITHOUT TELLING YA.

When i ask you a question through skype or mail, I expect a fucking answer.
You might just say that you don't know. That is okay.
But we all fucking work from home and I can see you're there. FUCKING ANSWER YOU INCOMPETENT, USELESS, UNPROFESSIONAL SACK OF SHIT.
It is so fucking counterproductive. I fucking hope all the chocolate chips in your life turns out to be raisins.

It is fucking impossible to underestimate these people.

I am seriously jealous of all of you here on devrant, for not having met these washed up twats.

I fucking give up, AWS is retarded. It's the worst piece of shit retarded fucking platform ever created and every fucking engineer that touched the code should have their fingers chopped off, shoved down their throats and then be beheaded.

I can't believe that this retarded shit is the "industry standard" for deploying anything ever. Every fucking page feels and uses as if it was fucking outsourced to a different part of india everytime. The fucking pagination behaves differently in every fucking service. Half of the new services just gave up and run on their own fucking thing, because presumably their own platform just couldn't even handle it anymore and fucking CloudFormation is the fucking kingpin of this entire retarded platform. Slapping and unslapping shit together unttil it fucking get's stuck in an unresolvable state because half the fucking services need 58 unrelated permissions to perform a simple delete.

Fuck AWS, Fuck Amazon, Fuck Bezos, Fuck the Cloud and Fuck this whole "Serverless" scam. I really truly wish everyone that had anything to do with making AWS a reality just drop dead on the spot right now so that we can forget that aws ever happened.

Motherfucker doesn't know shit but wants fucking unicorn and rainbows for mobile devices.

Fucking asshole, do u even know what user experience means? Shove your smooth transition up your ass.

I just calmly got up from my desk and walked into a meeting room to scream.
I hate this fucking job

I am a fucking first year student and am doing an internship at a SHIT start-up. I've devoted my FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME into their SHIT iOS app, and the fucking boss is keeping procrastinating to get me that fucking pay cheque. For God's fucking sake that they pay me using the Canadian government's money (CSJP), FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCK YOU

fucking angular and fucking reinventing the fucking language it was made on and fucking everything up

I was fucking paused that some asshole made me spill my beer, but these crazy cabrones have a way to lift up anyone's mood. 🤘

Do you wanna be a software engineer at Google?

Go to AlgoExpert.io. Pick a question. Read the prompt. Write some code…

JUST FUCKING STOP

Fucking shitty ad popping up every time I watch anything even remotely related to tech or science.

My university IT department fucking sucks. Nothing ever works, 90% of the website links 404 or just straight up are broken af

2 in 1

How I fucking hate people that are over apologetic, but don't actually learn anything out of it, maybe next time you do the same fucking mistake again, I'll shove a fucking spiked metal rod up your ass and twist it, so next time you sit down you seemingly still fucking feel it and remember to check beforehand to avoid the fucking issue, you fucking buffoon.

--

Another thing I'd stick a rusty crackneedle pipe up somebodys internals is "for each day late we will penalize 500$ from the budget" while the budget is like 2k, go fuck yourself and eat your cash, with your "30 day challenge" job, you fucking cumstain.

How can I be so fucking stupid?
I was developing and testing a small webserver running on an ESP32.
3 fucking hours were wasted resolving connectivity problems because I did not realize the fucking VPN on my PC was still up thus hiding my ESP32's IP.

How fucking brainless...
I've cie ked everything. Dead flash, wrong offsets, compiler warnings, CPU freq. config...

Why does every designer has to be a complete asshole? Wtf is up with them? You take a day on your fucking design, i implement your fucking design, and then when you see it, you want it completely different again.

First it was the "set up WampServer so the client can use our database", to which I told her we should use an embedded database, to which she told me to do.

Then the "Just give the client a .jar file and install the JRE in his laptop" to wich I told her we can make a native installer, to which she fucking assigned to me.

Then the whole fucked up management thing with no design whatsoever and the "we don't need version control".

To just a few hours earlier, when she got mad because I set up a Slack for us to exchange information easily, she told me she was already mad because I shared the project by Google Drive and that she worked in security and knows the risk... AND AT THE SAME TIME, she uses Gmail to share the project.. BRILLIANT !

Something is really fucking wrong with people in my company. They fucking calling me after 5PM on Friday when the server is down. What part of my role you fuckers don't understand. I'm not a Network Engineer and I don't have fucking access to the fucking server.

Call the fucking Network Engineer. If his not picking up his phone then that's his fucking problem not mine.

(Bang the Table) Fuck this shit

The worst moment in my life is getting up in the morning. I feel like a fucking undead zombie every single day over again.

I want to fucking sleep and work later.

Hey this is Jenny from XYZ Company

I don't FUCKing care where you're FUCKing from.. If I never signed up for your "marketing" mails.

Sleeping pills are kinda fucking scary

Sure do hope I'm gonna wake up tomorrow

FUCK! The fucking previous dev on this project who set up the fucking web service that he knew would be shared among multiple platforms set it up to use an audio format that's only supported on one platform. Now I'm faced with either doing some fucking JS black magic to decode the fucking base64 audio, convert it to another audio format, and then possibly re-encode it or attempting to re-write the fucking web service and already in production app! Fucking hell!

Dear YouTube,
If you want me to fucking watch your fucking same ad every fucking 2 minutes, I will fucking fuck watch those fucking ads on my fucking TV.

Fed up. Moving to YouTube magisk ad-free module. Fuck off YouTube. Recently you became to greedy.

Fuck off.

Today's rant will be brought to you by the letters A, W, and S.

I stayed up all night, ALL NIGHT, and finished this cool new feature, which is an integration between two technologies that tmk has not been done before. In short, I invented a thing last night.

Then at 5 fucking 30 this morning my EC2 fucking died. No SSH, no HTTPS... nothing... can't get into it to see what's up.

Put in a support request to AWS and finally went to bed. Wake up this morning to still nothing.

Can't wait for AWS support, try stopping and starting my instance... nevermind I'll have to re-setup SSH, and VS Code, and Workbench.. (which why the fuck can't I keep an IP through a reboot in the first fucking place!)

But nevermind that I was willing to do all that... this piece of shit won't start up any fucking way.

Fuck.

Now I have to rebuild this fucking EC2... and I could try to snapshot it... but that would probably fuck up too, so I'm just going to do it by fucking hand like I do everything else.

Fuck AWS.

Fucking long week at work.. but its not all bad. Facebook stock tanking makes up for it. Bahaha fuck em

My power switch stopped working, so I took this up as a quick early morning project.

There is always a fucking way!

I kept getting the same AttributeError like 15 times in a row and picked up my graduation rubber ducky and screamed "I DONT FUCKING KNOW"

Being a developer is a fucking struggle and no one fucking understands it.

Trying to keep up with new technologies and working with Project Managers that wants stuff to be delivered in no time is what makes you regret your career sometimes..

Maaan I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB!!!

Here we go....

At our school we had different industry people come in and talk about whatever they want to.

My last presenation for the day is on 3D modelling in Game Design, and of course we have middle school kids being generally loud and obnoxious.

Some fuckers are being exceptionally obnoxious, and the teachers decided, in their infinite FUCKING wisdom, to stick them in front of a table where Juniors and Seniors are sitting, minding our own buisness.

Of course, the fuckers decided to continue being obnoxious and despite my request to keep it down, and another Senior's direct approach to tell them to shut up, they continue being disruptive.

At one point, a teacher, again using INFINITE FUCKING WISDOM, decided that instead of removing the fuckers from the room, put a Senior in between them, hoping that that would somehow keep them quiet. Yes, the fucking preschool level attempt didn't work.

Eventually a teacher concluded that the fuckers were pissing us off and removed them from the room. Thank fuck.

That feels much better, excuse me as I need to reinstall an OS on my desktop since the Universe seems to fucking hate me today.

Came home from a long 4hours meet up.

Was trying to take laptop out from my bag.
Laptop was still on.

Oh my fucking god.

It seems majority of rants here are about Windows 10 fucking up.

That says something

Fucking useless cunt that was supposed to set up glass fibre and a router still hasn't appeared. They gave me a 3 hour timeframe of when the person would show up, but obviously that those fucktards cannot even do that. I had to stay at home, instead of working, for this fucking treatment...

Razer, Corsair, Das Keyboard, all ignore ISO 9995, and it drives me fucking nuts! The fucking backslash goes UNDER the fucking pipe!
This shit will fuck people up.

The fucking US Congressional website decided it was good design to straight up have JSON in the fucking URL.

Why

Fucking hell with React Naive! Spent all day making a screen and that bitch looked messed up on Android but working as intended on iOS!

I fucking hate that shit hybrid shit apps!

This fucking guy create a mess of a code, more than a spaghetti code, a clusterfuck of shit untested spaghetti code, and the project is actually getting well, our customer is getting bigger but everytime there is something to be added, its a fucking pain to add, and when something breaks, almost every thin breaks, and the shitty guy who wrote this code is quitting and its fucking up to me to clean up all the fucking mess, fucking asshole.

DOCUMENT AND TEST YOUR CODE KID, DONT BE A FUCKING SPAGHETTI PROGRAMMER

Jesus fucking stupid backend developers that don't listen when you tell them their shit doesn't work. So you end up wasting time again and again tracking down these fucking obscure issues that are caused by THE SAME FUCKING BACKEND ISSUE

So the LAN I'm at has a factorio comp and server up.... Goodbye life.

Crank up the Sabaton and let's build some fucking trains!

Font Awesome. Stop changing the format. 10 changes/page refreshes and I still don't have the fucking icon. what is it? fa fas or fa-solid or fucking what now?... make your fucking mind up!

What is it with companies that get super popular through crowd funding and then just end up annoying?

Your tagging system sucks too. Finding relevant icons could be much better with underlying tags.

Maybe if you started actually fucking backing up your bullshit MONTHS ago when I told you your system was dying, or replaced it when I told you it was failing, you wouldn't have lost 6 fucking months worth of fucking work when it finally died today.

I setup a file backup system since you never had one, I gave you detailed instructions a fucking 40 year adult she be able to follow, I even offered to walk you through the process the first time after I set it up.

It shouldn't be my fucking problem you're too fucking stupid to listen to the tech person YOU fucking hired and lost data.
I was hired as a damn programmer, setting up the server wasn't in my job description, backing up emails because you refuse to pay for more GMail storage isn't in my job description, fucking 70% of what I've done this past fucking year working for you isn't in my job description.

Fucking hell, I'm fucking glad I'm working on leaving. The fucking employee shouldn't fucking care more than the damn owner. This place is not going to grow, and most of your employees are working on applying elsewhere because of your short-sightedness and petty bullshit drama you bring everywhere, everyday.

You would not believe your eyes
If 1*10^7 fucking bugs
Lit up the screen as I fell asleep

I'm trying really hard not to be sensitive, but my manager is making it difficult with their "constructive criticisms" ...

Just finished up a call with them. And I'm so tired. I'm not even angry or upset, I just feel so tired of their bullshit.

I set up a meeting as a courtesy to get them up to date on all the code changes I made. Last night I stayed up late to try and get things in before the deadline and this morning just killed me when they say.

"I don't think I should have given you this."

"I was right, you weren't ready to start doing this."
(Then don't even bother giving me anymore tasks then, I don't fucking care.)

"you clearly don't understand how branches work"
(Absolutely fucking false, I fixed that shit and am very familiar with how to understand the structure of the fucking repo)

"you are rushing and I don't need you messing up the website"
(I'm being proactive you twat, not rushing, making it very difficult for me to do the work and being productive)

Like seriously bro! Don't fucking patronize me for the work I was trying to get out. And trust me this fucking meeting is done in order to get ahead of potential issues, not a time to be condescending of my skills or lack there-of as you seem to so keenly think.

If you had this much doubt about my abilities then why give me the fucking Sr. title? Fucking trust that I'm being honest, and I'm trying to get us to a good spot, not fucking sabotage the company. God fucking damn.

FUCKING MICROSOFT IIS SHIT.
I'm a .NET dev since 13 years and EVERY FUCKING TIME STUPID IIS MOTHERFUCKER AND STUPID WINDOWS SERVER have a different problem setting up because of some permission.
You can't never get a site up in IIS without loosing time and patience having weird 400/500.x errors because every fucking machine have to set up some tweaky and hidden permissions.
I have 2 identical fucking win servers and deploying a .NET core applications and on one works (test server) and obviously, on the production server it gives troubles.

FUCK YOU MICROSOFT FUCK YOU I would take the IIS devs personally here and whip them to death until they don't resolve the fucking thing

Can't make an omelet without fucking up production

I've been seeing this single fucking post in LinkedIn for like 2-3 weeks.

Their sorting algorithm is so fucked up.

Fucking Chrome, stop fucking up.

Lately found myself using Edge over Chrome way too often...

Oh boy, MS Edge is now fucking up the design.

people that answer a question with another fucking irrelevant question should have a special place in hell !!

why dont you just answer the fucking question when in the first place i asked you politely and nicely !!

the question doesn't even deserve a fucking follow up question in the first place !!

you've wasted both our time with your stupidity!!

After 10 fucking wasted hours Im still up trying to figure out how to configure the motherfucking IDE to debug the fucking hideous PHP shit fuck code. Fuck PHP right in the ass.

What the fuck is up with my luck finding raging peak lunatics, on Twitter for example, I made myself check the person I could be interested in following, by going through 3ish pages of their tweets and retweets, everything safe, then shortly after I open Twitter, I see them fucking retweeting propaganda, sec drama, writing themselves about drama surrounding them, surrounding others, I fucking signed up for tech news, insights and reviews, not your fucking bullshit you twat.

AAAAAAAARGH I FUCKING HATE FUCKING WEBVIEW. THAT MOTHRFUCKER IS SO FUCKING SLOW I COULD FUCKIKG OPEN UP CHROME AND GO TO THE FUCKING LINK IN LESS TIME THAN IT TAKES TO FUCKING LOAD. FUUUCK.

I turned up for a meeting with some folks from US on time. Waited for 45 minutes and they did not show up.

Come home half an hour later and see a mail that says “anyone available?” from their side after waiting for them for 45 fucking minutes. A meeting that they scheduled. On a fucking Saturday night.

Fuck you!

note to self:
install the fucking network tools DURING the Arch installation, BEFORE you reboot and remove the install media.

wrote this handy dandy notebook guide up because i get tired of having to look up the archwiki

FUCKING HELL.

It's already enough that this FUCKING API I have to work with is a mess of JSON and XML responses mixed together.
With mixed german and english keys and attributes all sprinkled over it.
And API access locked to Austria only for some reason.

And then they even manage to fuck up the little bit of JSON they use.

It's just a fucking array of strings (where one could easily use integers).

They can stick this fucking steaming pile of shit that they call API up their PHP infested assholes.

I hate web development sometimes.

!devrant

Dear discord.

Instead of having a login button that takes me to "claim your account", how about you let me actually fucking LOGIN with my motherfucking account I already signed up with?

This is like basic-bitch UX feedback.

How the fuck did you fucking incompetents fuck up this bad?

God damn if I ain't done with bad fucking UX.

It's 2020. Could you motherfuckers idk, do your actual fucking jobs? Or are you all busy over at discord home office looking at cat memes and fisting each others prolapsed cunts like a bunch of fucking jackasses?

Jesus fucking christ it's like I woke up in fucking clown world, where every company thats successful is run by people more incompetent than me. Fix your fucking shit discord.

This weather makes me wanna jump off a roof.
Fucking hell it's so depressing when you wake up and the first thing you see outside is just, grey, dark.
And then it fucking starts hailing.

Father of a monkey-whoring, succulent dick ass fuck, ever heard of minding your own business? I don't care if you are the FUCKING CFO or whatever the fuck you are, don't fuck with the fucking code. Don't try to come up with your own cum-gargling explanation if an HTTP request results in a FUCKING 503.

You goat-fucking piece of cunt-shit of a fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Guys, wish me luck for tomorrow, I'm so nervous.
But thanks to everybody who gives me good advices and tips

Fucking government shifting day light saving time by two weeks making me rely on my phone time zone auto-update and wake up one fucking hour earlier!

Way to go Monday...

Fucking frustrating piece of shit colleges. I’m fucking tired of losing face covering up your assess! Do your fucking job properly you mutherfuckin-piece-of-shit! Fucking full of excuses!! Own what you fucking do!!!

Shit night. Sat at my fucking desk to work on my fucking tasks. Started at about 9:30. Now is 12:21 and I'm in my fucking bed.

Guess what I finished? 70% of the new template for fucking home page of one website.

I'm supposed to finish the new design for two websites and present at tomorrow morning meeting.

And I couldn't even finish one full page. My brain is just giving up on everything.

I just have to sleep and get up early. Hope my fucking body get up early.

Really irritating when you work with a windows shitty laptop dual booted with ubuntu and the computer starts fucking up exactly when it shouldn't..

I fucking hate how things just get fucked up when you least expect it

Setting up a Haskell environment on Windows is fucking AIDS. Guess I'll screw it and just use ANTLR for my compiler.

I just want to get fucking home... This is the second flight canceled... NO I DONT WANT TO GET IN A FUCKING HOTEL AND FLY TOMORROW...

Excuse me sir your flight was canceled.... SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SLUT

DON'T EVER FLY WITH THOSE FUCKTARDS

Wakes up in the morning to find some fucking asshole has stolen my wifi reciever and I have a fucking deadline! Wtf is wrong with human beings nowadays?
Does anyone know a witch?

Oh boy!

Aren't we off to a fucking great start, first turn on my Xbox and it keeps overheating...

Ok I'll leave it for a bit and just jump on my PC and do some work but nooooooooo. Boot it up and it fucking hangs on an A2 boot code (Drive issue), unplugged every drive and look at that, still on fucking A2...

I do not need this right now. Can't afford a new fucking PC if this one is going to be fucking up like this -,-

Just got a Database Fundamentals book, who's hyped to stay up till 5am ready this fucking phone book😛

I was just begged to play 30 minutes of monopoly with my family
With all those versions of monopoly I'll have to be more precice, it's the worst of them all

It's monopoly fucking zapped, you need an ios device to play it, it's been developed for the iPhone 4 and maybe a tablet because they didn't even update it for current phones, not even iPhone 5
The credit cards are a fucking joke, they work by touching certain parts of the touchscreen and don't work 85% of the time you try to use them, 5% of the time just choosing the wrong person
At least your relieved when 10% chance kicks in where it works for once

Instead they could developed for Android and used nfc tags making it reliable and fun, no it has to be shitty, cheap and frustrating
Like seriously, they could've also used qr codes instead, or just have fucking buttons on the screen because you need the fucking ios app anyway
The minigames are at least a bit of thought, but don't really make sense either
Money doesn't seem to matter, sometimes paying another player when it shouldve been pay to the bank (yeah, not only the credit cards are fucked, the whole money system is shit)
It's a fucking abomination of a game

Halfway through I searched for the company name on the board...
...
....

ITS FUCKING HASBRO, OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING HASBRO THAT FUCKING PEACE OF SHIT FUCKING COMPANY THAT DESERVES TO ROT IN HELL HAVING CREDIT CARDS STUFFED UP THEIR FUCKING ASSES

If you have an hard-to-use API, you need a fucking strong documentation. Otherwise, a fucking developer like me will get lost and will spend days and days trying to make it work. Man up that documentation, for God's sake.

Stayed up extra late fixing a bug. Fucking bug is buried in a thousand lines of MOTHERFUCKING SML.
FUCKING ASSHOLE SHIT-WAGGLING COCKSMEAR AND THAT SHITTY, GODDAMNED BACKWARDS FUCKING LANGUAGE!
Fucking wasted an entire night chasing down a fucking bug in SML with no positive effect.
I wound up commenting out 7/8 of the entire fucking codebase to try to find the fucking bug. No positive effect.
Finally had to go to sleep because my son was about two hours from waking up.
Getting back to work, and within twenty minutes I found the fucking bug and fixed it.
Fucking wasted nearly an entire night's sleep, and I ended up fixing the fucking bug before finishing my morning coffee.
I seriously fucking hate motherfucking SML.

"There's a branch on terraform-our-project called instance-rols"

"Can you send me a link?"

OMG are you really so fucking lazy you can't go to the fucking git web interface, look up the damn project and click on the fucking branch?

Frederick, Elyz, the fuck you up to? Your minks are spreading fucking mutated Corona!

Got to love when the on-call takes their sweet-fucking time with the back-up. All this because the lazy douche did not what to verify the back-up was complete.

The customer wanted a calendar view that somehow contained data about fucking everything.

Ended up looking like a bunch of trash icons on a calendar

CSS transition has been fucking me up for hours now. Help! It automatically fires on page load.

I fucking swear. AI this, new frameworks that, but every fucking company I get hired by has a deluge of files that are thousands of lines long.

It's not a new concept to split up files. It's not difficult to progressively split up files as you work on them. And yet so many programmers apparently can't fucking stop for quarter a second to think "hmmm maybe adding another function to this thing that is already 20 km long might not be the best idea".

Can literally every fucking pop up, modal, notification, message box, update, and everything else just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY WORK

TEST, TEST AND TEST ASSHOLE

OUR PROJECT IS GETTING BIGGER AND START TEST YOUR FUCKING CODE SO I DONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE WHOLE FUCKING MESS

FUCKERS

I fucking love my SD card reader driver fucking up my whole system. How did that driver even pass BayHub's fucking QA, causing a bluescreen of death right during reboot of Windows? Anyways thanks Microsoft for that nice new bluescreen not telling me anything about the fucking problem why Windows just crashed. But at least it looks nice, so that it's more fun working all night and half a day to find the fucking problem myself. Fuck this.

I fucking hate when I mess up my spf

Fixed a shitty fucking shitfuvk bustard bug yesterday night at 4 am ...
Switch off the system .
Went to sleep
Woke up in the morning and boom !!
That same bug but in another form came up .
End of my fucking love story -_-

Must contain 8-18 characters, 1 lower, 1 upper and 1 special character. Cannot be the same as email address.

18? Why fucking 18 characters? That's not any pragmatic limit. What fucking product owner came up with that requirement?

EVERY FUCKING TIME I HAVE TO ASK FOR SOME DNS CONFIGURATION OTHER THAN A SINGLE "A" RECORD THE TI HEAD MANAGES TO FUCK UP...

WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HARD DUDE???

CNAME? OK!

FUCKINGSUBDOMAIN > FUCKING.ALIAS.COM

THIS TIME OUR FUCKING PROVIDER CANT MANAGE ROOT DOMAIN CNAMES SO WHAT DID HE DO?
SIMPLE SAID "ALL DONE" AND ONE WEEK LATTER PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING BECAUSE THE FUCKING ROOT DOMAIN ISN'T WORKING...

COME ON DUDE, JUST KILL YOURSELF.

AND FOR THE FUCKING MILLIONTH TIME: DOMAIN REGISTAR AND DOMAIN MANAGER ARE TWO SEPARATE FUCKING THINGS! YOU CAN REGISTER YOUR FUCKING DOMAIN ON GODADDY AND MANAGE IT ON FUCKING CLOUDFLARE BY CONFIGURING THE FUCKING DNS SERVERS

Project set up with JS build tools takes more time than fucking project development itself

I love when your pop-up covers fucking search text field

Yes ! Just copy paste an entire fucking react dashboard into our NextJs project !

But don't stop there mate. Fuck up your branch and mine too to a point even gitkraken can't tell me exactly what fucking operations you did.

This is my first Next project and my first time working with this new client and it's going tits up in less than a month. Fucking great job.

Dreamed about fixing an unsolvable bug in some code that made absolutely zero fucking sense and woke up with a fucking migraine.

Mr Fucking Robot. What an episode. Mind fucked up in the end. This season starts so average and now it's just getting dope. Brilliant writing.

Fucking hell the AWS IAM documentation is confusing as fuck. Trying to set up a fucking role is harder than cutting a rock with a fucking spoon.

And who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to allow a CLI user to run any command he's allowed to without any form of authentication??
Oh, set up MFA for the CLI you say? Good fucking luck with that, if you ever manage to figure out how to set that shit up!
Fuck this shit!

Word/Excel = piece of shit!! 😡 Pissing me off every fucking time I am trying to do something. I am wasting more time to set up the fucking alignments and fonts and etc, rather than actually do work.

Holy fucking monkey nuts my boss is such a cunt, he is soo damned ignorant, for some who worked in dev for 20 years, to tell another dev that is easy, should only need to change a few keys in order to be able to completely rewrite 6 months worth of work. Poor bastard was soo pissed he finished a whole bottle of whiskey.

I made him work from home today, we not really meant too, because you know, Developer do not do work if their duck dick of a manager is not there watching, and well it makes it a lot harder for him to make rediculously, moronic requests like that over slack.

Part of me was genuinely afraid he would same something equally moronic and said dev would try and kill him, which would put the rest of the office and the awkward position if having to help. Really complicated to cover that up and then get the stories straight and iron out the alibis.

Fucking seizures, make up your mind!!

Why does every fucking agile presentation have to have those dumb, meaningless white stick figures in meaningless positions that only serve to fill up whitespace

I need a new fucking job. Woke up at half 11, missed a couple of meetings. Think I'm just apathetic coz of stupid fucking lying bastard management.

```
me@host $ vagrant init bento/centos-7.2
me@host $ vagrant up && vagrant ssh

me@vm $ ping google.com
error: unknow host
```

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

I FUCKING REINSTALLED BOTH, VIRTUALSHITBOX AND VAGRANTFUCK; THIS IS FROM FUCKING SCRATCH, WHAT THE FUCKING SHITFUCK DO YOU MEAN WITH UNKNOWN HOST???