Worse than the "working on my machine".

Meet the "works on every machine but the boss laptop".

Bonus point if the issue appeared out of the blue during the night.

I've been at this company 2 years and 9 months. I never use e-mail. Evolution just runs for the calendar notices.

Always me

The end is near.
I threw together a devRant content saver just now. It's rough, but it works:
https://github.com/miloxeon/...

save your rants and pics until it's too late.

So… made the website again

https://cover-beryl.vercel.app/

If anyone wants a cover, or wanted to put anyone up there let me know

Bootcrap. Just looked at their main page, and it's a whopping 75k of markup plus 294k of CSS (W-T-F?!), and 224k of JS. All of that shit for a page that shouldn't be more than 10k of markup, 16k of CSS, and that has no reason to even use JS at all.

<a class="d-flex flex-column flex-lg-row justify-content-center align-items-center mb-4 text-dark lh-sm text-decoration-none

Yeah, that crap is supposed to be "easier" to write. That's what you get for totally failing to understand how HTML/CSS even work, clinging to late 1990s practices, and ditching decades of progress since then.

Although the Bootcrap folks do manage to write valid HTML. As low as that sounds, but that counts already as an exceptional skill in the notoriously low-skilled frontend "dev" world that is all about making shitty websites.

Oh, and the rest like Failwind and Bulimia aren't any better. They already fail at delivering valid HTML on their websites.

I wanted to come up with a project to get into Minecraft modding that is too stupid to engage my perfectionism. With that in mind, I present to you Stumble, a Minecraft mod that makes you fall down stairs if you try to run on them.

https://github.com/lbfalvy/...

Holy shit, I never thought I would see the day that Microsoft makes me even more disappointed, but this is a NEW low.

The windows 11 email client is being deprecated, and they automatically "upgrade" you to the new outlook.

THERE'S ADS. THERE'S ADVERTISEMENTS IN OUTLOOK. WHAT THE FUCK. IF YOU CLICK THIS, IT JUST OPENS THE AD IN A BROWSER. IT'S IN MY EMAIL LIST, THEY ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO TRICK YOU INTO CLICKING IT.

This is crappy free Chinese mobile game ad level of scummy. I never fucking thought they would honestly stoop so low as to make misleading ads a default part of their operating system. But here it is, in an app installed by default, developed in-house by Microsoft. Actually astounding and appalling.

PHP is like the janitor in the school who has worked there for 40+ years and is liked by the authorities of the school. He has stood the test of time and has seen the highs and lows of life.

And the new gen-z kids, who don't even know how the world works/recently started exploring the world, hate that man for no reason except to look cool.

BTW, if you plan on commenting anything negative, just remember that the very platform you're using to do so, is built on PHP.

I’m all about VIBES
V —
I — I have rich parents
B —
E —
S —

I don't give damn about Israel and Palestine. The important thing is that Skyrim belongs to the Nords

My 27" 8-core imac, i7, 3.8ghz, AMD radeon pro 5500, 40 GB RAM 512 GB storage,

keeps screaming in agony.

But never stuttered.
Never lagged.
Never glitched
Never failed
Never ran out of memory

I can just hear how hard the the ventilation was going. It was getting loud.

I touched its ass from behind. It was heated up and there was lots of dust from the holes

This has been going on for several days but i ignored it knowing what kind of a beast machine i have (big mistake)

Intellj popped up notification to disable hints in order to improve cpu usage performance.

Immediately it struck me. Hold on lemme check the activity monitor stats and find out why my imac has been screaming for days

Turns out intellj is using over 1090% of my fucking CPU?????

THAT SHIT U SEE ON THE IMAGE WENT ABOVE 1100% OF CPU USAGE AND IT WAS ONLY 1 PROCESS CAUSING IT - INTELLIJ

WHAT???

When you fire a project manager

We are not family.

🚽🪠I shitted like 5-7 times today💩. Dont even know exactly how many. This cant be normal. How is it possible for so much shit to be inside me? Where does it fit? Im full of shit. Maybe thats why job interviews and schools are also full of shit cause they all shit 10 times a day. I have to flush toilet at least 2 times so all the shit can go through. Its that big of a shit

When I was a kid, my dad was always busy. He is an orphan with next to inheritance and had to work really hard to send me to school. I don’t remember playing with him ever.

He is about to retire in a few years, so he gets some free time now, but now, I’m struggling too hard and don’t have time for anything random at all. The generation gap makes it impossible to share anything at all.

We don’t have any common interests, and don’t get to do stuff together.

Today, we built a mechanical keyboard together. 1 hour. I absolutely loved it.

This just happened. I have to tell someone how stupid I felt a few minutes ago.
I am working on a script that is supposed to rename some files in sub folders of the current folder.
I used ChatGPT to help me out with the last part of finding all sub folders. Copied the code into VS code. Changed the path from “/path/to/folder/“ to just “/“, ran the code. It took a bit too long time to finish. Then VS Code asked for permissions to my reminders… “Why?” I asked before I realized that I confused “.” With “/“ for current folder…

Someone hasn't had their morning coffee...

That's it. I'm inventing a new position :

"Dev support".

Why do people ask me "Hey, visual studio has a pop up saying I'm missing a .net4.6 framework. What should I do ?"

Or "Hey powershell says script execution is disabled, what should I do ?"

Google motherfucker, do you use it ?!

I wish some tube or hose can be stuck inside my asshole so i can put the other end of it in the toilet, that way i could just sit on my chair and not have to get up every 60 minutes to take a big shit. I could just code on my chair while I'm shitting a big shit that goes through the hose and straight into the bathroom. The amount of big shits i shit per day is outrageous. I shit so much. Im the biggest shitter. Im the mfking ShitBeast

When the webmaster is too much technical 🤣

There's two types of people:

Junior engineer asking managers on Slack about prioritisation..

Junior eng: Hey managers, I have these tasks A & B lined up and some other type of work... Is it ok if I finish A by Weds and B by the end of week or should it be done sooner? Also, is the order fine or should I prio B first?

*silence for hours*

Random dev feeling bad for junior getting no response chips in: Hey, you are doing great, that order makes sense to me and let me know if you need any guidance or have questions!

Junior dev: Thaanks and will do!

*another hour goes by*

Manager: Hi team. I have asked other engineer X to do task B tomorrow.

what the fuck. at least answer the fucking question and say it needs to be done sooner. felt bad for poor junior here. :/

I hired a guy on upwork. His english is shit. But hes done the work correctly. Fast forward today he asked me "off topic question but do u have any female friend who can accompany me to fuck?"

WTF IS THIS SHIT

That is not professional AT ALL. I dont give a shit about the fact he cant get no bitches so hes begging me as if im some kind of a pimp. On upwork?? Gtfo.

Now i understand why companies want to hire only people with college DEGREES because they have went through the process of conforming and dont ask stupid shit questions. Eliminates a lot of bullshit and Neanderthals like this guy

Ffs

😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😅

Me always...

Had 2 days of vacation. Theoretically (plus weekend, plus 2 days) 6 days.

Worked today… At Saturday.

Some administrators forgot to properly check bandwidth limitations....

*rolls eyes*

We had a major version upgrade of some server software at Monday.

Guess why I got called...

Of course it MUST be the software upgrade.

It couldn't be the new hardware that was setup 2 weeks ago and on which a lot of "important" VMs were migrated.

*eyes roll inside till only white is visible*

The even more annoying thing is that it wasn't that hard to figure out.

Looking at monitoring, we had spikes on 20 Gbit/s (roughly 2.x Gigabyte/sec - Ethernet) connection of some server at roughly 1.9 plus Gigabyte/sec.

IO latency spikes that made the graph look like a heartbeat EKG with severe tachycardia...

*additionally to white eyes starts cursing in reverse latin*

Incompetent admin answer: Booboo that can only be your fault - the developers must investigate.

Me (just a tad more polite): Meep Meep mother fucker, get your shit together. If the software would eat that much, the network would be a niece chunk of charcoal. Plus the time (sending instead of links to monitoring pictures… guess the lazy fucktard who's brain is a vacuum didn't even bother to check it)...

NOTICE SOMETHING?!

Incompetent admin: It starts at the same time. Always.

After wasting roughly another hour of time discussing with him, I just hanged up the video call.

Called someone I knew from the admin department and turns out that - drumrolls please - the incompetent admin was someone who got recruited 3 months ago…

*turning into antichrist*

I then had a not so polite discussion about how the only competent people could take days off (all except incompetent admin were on vacation) and the seemingly incompetent fresh recruit - who by the way NEVER mentioned this - was the only one left of the admin department. Which would be bad alone, but no - he even got the 24/7 emergency support role for the whole weekend.

Sometimes this company and HR especially notoriously drive me insane...

Guess next week there will be some HR barbecue.

But yeah. After a lot of raging around we nailed it down to the traffic of backups and could fix it.

Roughly 4 hours of analysis, communication, raging and hatred.

Just one hour implementing shit.

*goozfraba*

-v
-V
-version
--version
version

A client called me today saying their custom website I built for them is down. It just shows a 403 error now. They said they just wanted to update the prices. I asked what changes they made before it crashed. She said, "I couldn't figure out how to change the prices, so I just installed Wordpress, and now it doesn't work!" They completely deleted the entire website using cPanel and replaced it with a partially installed Wordpress.🤦

I want to write something in PHP.

Yes, coming from me, it sounds like stockholm syndrome, but for me PHP is reminiscent of simpler times.

I want to get a server right where I bought the domain, with CPanel, log in with FTP and ~~push~~ (excuse me, _send_) index.php and other files there. I want to open phpmyadmin and throw some stupid fields together that won't work at scale, but "scale" will never happen.

I want to design websites without normalize.css, without any kind of javascript but some silly UI stuff, I want to send emails with sendmail and not sendgrid. I want my gradient buttons back.

Symphony and Laravel can kiss my ass.