Client : How much for the project?
Me : $10,000
Client : I will give you $72.

The week before project deadline...

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"

When you are the one who does all the work in a group project.

A project manager 😂

When the PM gives you the project estimates...

Compiling empty project

"You will get a month to finish this project."

"I will be honest and give you are a realistic deadline. It will take about 2 months."

"But ${random} company told me they will take one month."

"As you can see from your previous project, they will say one month and will drag it to two-three months by making excuses"

"No, I don't think you are good enough for it. I will pass it to them."

"..."

When boss tries to look smart and gives you advice about the project you wrote:

Hardest part of starting a project: Picking a name.

Project management

Project manager

Am I the only dumb fuck who can't think of a project idea?

Prof: You need to submit a project that uses AI

That night:

Project Status Life Cycle... Lol :)

Heard a fun quote from a project manager today:

"Naaah we don't need tests, that project is so small it wouldn't be worth it"

Seconds later: "Why does this keep breaking all the time and we only notice it once deployed?"

I finally get in the mood to work on my side project and GUESS WHAT? THE API IM USING FOR IT IS FUCKING DOWN 😂🔫

!rant

A: "Hi, I'm A, I'm the CEO of X, we had this project I'd like you to do for me"
Me: "Hi, can I have more details about the project?"
A: "Ah yes, this is some kind of e-commerce for our start-up, we need you to do a web app, iOS, and Android app in 1 month"
Me: "OK we can do it in 2 month."
A: "OK we'll let you know our decision tomorrow"

(next month)
A: "Sorry we have to postpone this project"

(next 5 month)
A: "Hi! now I'm building this Y start-up and we need you to help us migrate our android app to web"
Me: (Looks feasible than his last project) "OK, I can do it"
A: "Can we meet tomorrow?"
Me: "OK"
(tomorrow)
Me: "Hello? where will we meet?"
Me: "?"

(next month)
A: "Hi! Sorry for not replying, can we meet this week for the Y project?"
Me: (...)

Ok something went wrong.
I don't know how this could happen.

🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔

I finished a side project.

How could this happen?

🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔

Ahh I know. It is absolutely useless.

Our project Right now 😂

Original deadline for project was April, we're in August and we're still in Shadow :p

Personal project coding cycle:

- Because to many libs, too many ways, to many choices

A project is never done... It's just pushed to production

Is just mine or every project manager thinks that developers are magicians and can actually develop stuff in a very unrealistic timeline.?

Our project manager who also happens to be our web designer... (Start Up)

Project Manager: We have a go signal. Go convert this design to html and css. And make it responsive.

Me: Can you forward me the mail so I can check if it's actually approved?

Project Manager: Just do it.

Me: (After tweaking) There. It's done.

Project Manager: They want to change all the layout of the site. We're gonna do it from scratch. They didn't like the design.

Me: What? I thought your design was approved?

Project Manager: I thought so too. But i'm your PM so get back to work.

There was no mail from the client.

Deconstructed Wall-E?
Nope. My project for final semester of engineering.

Boss: Here's the next project that I would you to start immediately.
Me: So the client wants <Application Name>
Boss: Yes and it's due on Friday after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes can be done. By what time today you can give me the requirements.
Boss: Not today, I will give you the requirements next week Friday.
Me: So I should start the project next week Friday.
Boss: You have to start the project today
Me: Start with what? There is no requirement. Excuse me, I need a break.

When you almost finished a cool project and then they said: we can put it on hold...

I actually completed a personal project with proper documentation and published it on GitHub. That doesn't happen too often!

Project Management in a nutshell.

This is what the specs for our newest project look like. FML.

Project bugs...

My favorite thing about completing a project is closing a bazillion browser tabs.

When my project manager say i'm lazy because I can't finish the project..

Project coordinator blames our team because client said we failed to "align" with other teams.

Coordinator.
Project. Coordinator.

What the actual fuck.

Just did 70% of the job for a software project in college, only to get the least grade of the group because others were more vocal during the presentation.

The thing that irritates me is that not only did they assume that they can take part credit for my work, they cared more about 5%of a semester grade than their own self respect.

No hard feelings though, because even though I got lesser marks(about 2-3 marks lesser), I gained the most knowledge in the group, which is what matters

Boss says that I'm getting a third project I should work on from now on.
Also says that that the deadline is at march 21th.
Then says that the other project whose deadline is at may 1st has priority over all others.

Wore a suit to work.
Feels like a project manager.

Didn't open the IDE.

When the project development finishes and client gives changes.

Really found this type of students when I was finding someone to collab with me for final year project

Project now in production. Client is very satisfied and happy with the results. So tonight I will have a few beers to celebrate! Cheers friends!

Juste design a new algorithm to evaluate the chance of a project (any kind of project) will exceed the budget (time of cost). This algorithm been proven to be right almost all the time.

A woman can make 4 babies with 4 different fathers in 9 months, right?

Someone decided we need a "rubber band programmer" who bounces around from project to project as needed, and that gets to be me.

So I work on 4 projects, with 3 programming languages, 4 frameworks, and with users in 4 complicated industries, none of which I have experience with.

And my boss wonders why I'm not as productive as everyone who has worked on 1 project for 5 years.

Had a final year project defence today in university. There were about 15 CS teachers in the room.
Our project was "Crypto Currency". After all the presentation was finish.

Teachers: so what is this blockchain?

** explained all about it and how it works with marker in a whiteboard **

While most of the projects were rejected and they have asked several cross questions to other friends, they didnt even ask any question to us and said our project is accepted.

Turns out teachers were taught by a student today, feels so good 😎 😂

This is something that happened 2 years ago.

1st year at uni, comp sci.

Already got project to make some app for the univ that runs in android, along with the server

I thought, omg, this is awesome! First year and already got something to offer for the university 😅
(it's a new university, at the time I was the 2nd batch)

Team of 12, we know our stuffs, from the programming POV, at least, but we know nothing about dealing with client.

We got a decent pay, we got our computers upgraded for free, and we even got phones of different screen sizes to test out our apps on.

No user requirement, just 2-3 meetings. We were very naive back then.

2 weeks into development, Project manager issues requirement changes

we have a meeting again, discussing the important detail regarding the business model. Apparently even the univ side hadn't figure it out.

1 month in the development, the project manager left to middle east to pursue doctoral degree

we were left with "just do what you want, as long as it works"

Our projects are due to be done in 3 months. We had issues with the payment, we don't get paid until after everything's done. Yet the worse thing is, we complied.

Month 3, turns out we need to present our app to some other guy in the management who apparently owns all the money. He's pleased, but yet, issued some more changes. We didn't even know that we needed to make dashboard at that time.

The project was extended by one month. We did all the things required, but only got the payment for 3 months.

Couldn't really ask for the payment of the fourth month since apparently now the univ is having some 'financial issues'.

And above all: Our program weren't even tested, let alone being used, since they haven't even 'upgraded' the university such that people would need to use our program as previously planned.

Well, there's nothing to be done right now, but at least I've learned some REALLY valuable lesson:

1. User Requirement is a MUST! Have them sign it afterwards, and never do any work until then. This way, change of requirements could be rejected, or at least postponed

2. Code convention is a MUST! We have our code, in the end, written in English and Indonesian, which causes confusion. Furthermore, some settle to underscore when naming things, while other chooses camel case.

3. Don't give everyone write access to repository. Have them pull their own, and make PR later on. At least this way, they are forced to fix their changes when it doesn't meet the code convention.

4. Yell at EVERYONE who use cryptic git commit message. Some of my team uses JUST EMOTICONS for the commit message. At this point, even "fixes stuffs" sound better.

Well, that's for my rant. Thanks for reading through it. I wish some of you could actually benefit from it, especially if you're about to take on your first project.

Who has an "Testing Stuff" Project?

Client A: "I understand that we need to extend the due date for the project, but why we need pay extra for that?"

Me: "Because my people and I need money to survive as well...."

Really, every project starts the same - exactly the same:

git init

1. Comes up with a project idea.
2. Doesn't have enough friends who code to collaborate said idea with.

3. Abadons project.

All in that order. lol
I just want to build cool stuff. :(

Starting a new project tonight to help fellow teachers! First time actually using Github as well.... Interesting although I found it hard to get my head around!

!Rant
This is what my project looks like. 😁
End result:
Remote Surveillance System.

When client want a huge project with low budget

Alright I get the importance of project planning but having a Sprint meeting at 7am is just insane.

They:-How's the project
Me:- Its fine
The Project :-

1. have an exciting app idea
2. create project folder
3. include WebPack

…

47. lose all passion for project and give up

GOTO 1

Have you ever been so alone on a project that even if everything seems easy, you don't want to work on it because nobody cares about it?

Every college project gets to the "fuck it, I'm submitting this crap" stage.

I am being asked to support Internet Explorer 8 on this project I am wrapping up. The front-end has been developed using AngularJS 2.

!rant

Another night of progress :) Finished the category page functionality on my cms project for now. Gotta keep at it!

My first real web project was in my senior year of college.

It was a hacker rank clone. And supported a bunch of languages. It was a fun project.

Others created a static website.
And guess what? they got the same grade as I did.
Fml

Documenting school project with my debug guy

*receives email about project*

*turns around*

PM: "Hey I just sent you an email about a project"

No. Fucking. Shit.

I'm currently reading a course in Project Management and I have yet to find an image in the course literature with a person that doesn't suffers from a headache.

One of the worst thing :
Start a new project...
Have almost done everything...
See that someone else has done the same kind of app but... His is much better...

When your project manager calls you more than your girlfriend :|

showing unfinished project...

I'm starting a side project. This time I'm totally gonna finish it. For real. 14th time's the charm, right?

Anybody else know that horrible feeling when you're 2 weeks and 1000 lines of spaghetti into what started as a 2 day 200 line side project that was supposed to make your main project better, but has now become it's own life consuming beast?

Found this in my Software Project Management textbook. Seems right.

when youre in the middle of a project then you suddenly get the urge to write a neural network that can do nlp to find suitable puns.

😩😩😩

!rant

Wanted to share a project with you, which I heard about at a Python Conference I attended.

It's a Raspberry based Hacking Station to educate and sensitize students about data privacy. The amazing thing about the project is, that it is a graduation project from a high school student.

If you're interested, check out spypi.ch

This is not an ad or something, I was just amazed by the talk and the idea of the project and wanted to share it with you.

So the same guy who called Ninetails from Naruto a wolf is PM in this project with me

During scrum meeting:

PM: I read the project scope again and I realised there are scopes that we didn't get it. Each time I read the scope there's something new.

Me: *Sure, the scope is fucked with a long 8 feet dragon dildo to start with*

PM: Read the scope 5 times, cause we don't want to miss anything. If QA raises an issue regarding the modules which are in scope but you implemented it wrong then it won't be considered Change request and you have to do deliver it in time even work on weekends with no compensation.

Me: ...

PM: Now, go through the scope again today and we will hold a meeting after working hours (unpaid, but can be adjusted in monthly avg) and I will ask random questions.

Me: *tf*

PM: And anyone who won't be able to answer them will sit through the non-working hours and go through the scope again

Me: *YOU FUCKTARD, incompetence from your side or from business development team to create a simple understandable scope can't force us to sit through non-working hours.*

I already had an opinion about this guy from my previous rant, his improved a little in between but I guess not

Saw conjuring 2 yesterday, not impressed. My project has more daemons than the film and they don't go away just by calling their name 😕

My project manager said. “Hey MillenialDev, I’ll see you as my equal when you have same experience as me”. I resigned following week.

Project Manager comments on all my on-going tickets "any updates?"

And the project manager gets awarded "most productive"

While the tickets I've been assigned can't be closed in just a day

smh

When you are working on a small project that is ~500 lines of code, but you have 27mb of node modules

Isn't it great when you start a project with nothing but dedication and enthusiasm to have it ruined by someone that just doesn't care and proceeds to shit on everything you have worked for.

OCD and multiple developers on a project never go hand in hand

Project vs implementation

People know that things are getting serious when you open up a new twitter account for your personal project.

Reasons why my personal project failed:

1. No target, or the target is "creating perfect software", and you make a lot of optimization before building anyhing

2. No deadline

3. Someone has built something better on github.

Give comments if you believe there are other things that make your personal project failed.

Have you ever been in a situation where you want to start a new project, but have no idea what it should be.

*starts to work on a new project while others remain unfinished*
*bulb lights up* oh look a new project idea
*goes on to start on that one instead*

Being a student developer is awkward.

A project manager is someone who believes that if he/she joins 9 pregnant women they'll have a child in 1 month

Microsoft Project and SharePoint, I FUCKING HATE YOU TWO!!! Why you can't get along? You share the same creator for fucks sake!!!

I just discovered that a couple rants here talked about an open source project of mine 😍

Also, they were !rants 😄

Thanks for appreciating it! 😄

I hate being at the end of a project with only the stuff you've been putting off left to do

My Project Manager to me, after attending his first ever Hackathon of life

PM : Did you see, how people create a full project in a day,
So it is POSSIBLE and here you always complain about the deadlines

Me : Yeah true :|
Of Course it is possible to create a well documented, bugs free, features enriched, stable and properly structured project in a day
My Bad :/

The project I accepted for measuring heart sound is giving me a heart attack 😬
I have only 10 days left the deadline 😭

Is it even a group project unless you did over 50% of the work?

when a project manager asks for an effort calculation due to changed requirements, but the calculation itself takes longer than the implementation would...

That moment when you have an idea for a project and you spend all your time on setting up the environment, then your realize it is a stupid idea.

Can't work on a project cause I need to study for an exam.
Can't study cause I keep thinking about the project.

FUCK!

My dream project is to create "The Machine" just like Finch did in Person of interest or to create the WestWorld Droids.

Group project help me understand why Batman works alone 😡😡😡

Waking up after 4 hours of sleep with a headache because you wanted to finish your project.

Hey, I'm bored.
someone have suggestion of a good project using raspberry pi?
thanks

Q: How many management consultants does it take to finish a project specification?
A: Infinite. And this is not even funny.

Just got a new raspberry pi😊
some ideas for first project?

Someone needs to make a site that generates cool project names because I swear it's the hardest decision to make.

When the project manager is taking your share of the credit..

This is how my Project Manager introduced Design guy to the client
"my buddy, great friend and a kickass coding ninja"

And how he introduced a full stack developer
"he knows coding too"

The fuck :||

The hardest part of starting a new project is finding a name for it!! FFS && FML.
How do you all name your's?

Its so frustrating when your co-worker whines about project issues in the washroom :|

Let me fuckin pee first motherfu... :/

Fun Story: My first official project was related to system files security. In first meeting project manager was talking about Macros and OLE i had no idea what the heck he was saying.just kept noding
Took us 2 months to complete the project now it has been deployed and working perfectly
Told my manager about this during final one on one meeting and he couldnt believe me,he still laughs about it everytime we meet

At last !!
All projects are done!

Done 3 compiler project (with 3 separate documentation)
And 6 different Algorithms for algorithm design and analysis.(including my own project)

Been coding so hard to finish them ontime and now I made it :)

That hangover you get after working on a personal project all night long, having less than an hour of sleep before your actual work day begins..

Having a great idea for a personal project but being stuck at a family gathering -.-'

When your Project Manager tries to find Grammar and Spelling errors in your code comments, since he couldn't find any other issues

Are you fuckin kiddin me motherfucker.. :|||

Fuckin grammarShitPMNazi

Got some really responsible teammates in my University project.
We have split our tasks and everyone is working accordingly.

This seems like a dream!

So now Github has their project feature and Bitbucket has integrated Trello [beta].

Any of you guys using those features?

How do you handle your ToDos/tasks?

Why can't I just enjoy my weekend like a normal person for once? Instead I can't help but work on a side project because I know I won't sleep tonight if I don't!

Started using Trello to track project detail and overall whiteboard my project list. Made a list called "Top 5" and shared the board with my boss so her could keep track with me. After our first meeting using Trello, I walked out with 7 items in my top 5. Here's to hoping there visual aid will help him realize there's a problem.

That moment when your project manager says to the client "That is clearly possible". After that he asks you if that is in fact possible to do, you say: "is possible with major limitations" and then he understand they screwed up but in the end the one that is screwed up is you.

Just opened a month old android studio project and now I'm wondering what the hell is going on. And later realize the importance of comments. :-(

Me: *starts learning new tech stack*
Boss: you do this project right now(will have no relation with the tech stack I'm learning)
Me: boss you told me to learn something else
Boss: I need the project by this week.

The shorter the time a project is needed, the more expensive it should be charged

Yesterday was release day for a project, never been too nervous like I am now, why? Because of the amount of chaos in this project, I cannot predict the behavior of the system, anything might just break T_T

Just spent 3 hours porting pong to a micro:bit for a school project. what am I doing with my life

When your new project hits the tipping point and begins helping people- priceless.

Still working on a new Project!

That bad feeling when you leave a project aside for a few weeks and then when you finally decide to continue it you don't understand the code you wrote...
I'm searching a solution for something I already solved once again. FUCK!

me realizing that I will be a part of a crappy project

A bad PM looks at every project in the last 6 months noticing how they are each far over their estimated time, angrily asks why each is so far over and then continues to self quote development jobs.

Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.

So does every project manager pretend to know how coding is done? 🤷‍♂️

Me in teacher office : for this course i want create awesome project.

Teacher : ok. I suggest you build something like uber.

Me : o_O

Teacher :I believe you.
you can totally handle it

Me : plzzz...as you lift me up, my fall will become more painful
I don't build it

[Unfortunately, that project was imposed on me and whenever I think of the scale of the project i look like this: ]

Sometimes you have to deal with the fact that you're smarter than your project manager.

That sweet feeling when the project is over and you can finally close all the 99+ tabs on the browser.
Feeling so happy right now! :)

I am defending my project today "Effect of international financial reporting standards on company performance (a case study of quoted manufacturing firms in Nigeria). Pray for me

Giving up on a side project

Wish my 3 project managers would realize when everything is a P1, nothing is.

"We have a new project for you".

"It's written in Java".

When you have to build a startup product using enterprise project management methodologies, and corporate practices.

R.I.P Agile

This happened in my engineering days.

Second semester of my engineering, intro to computer science.

Topic on computer virus

Professor : "Examples of virus are videogames."

Me : *Screaming internally.

FYI, this "professor" has a PhD in computer science.

Fast forwarding to the final semester. We were supposed to present our project.
Unfortunately this professor was our mentor for the project work.

I was dedicated to this project. I was working on this for 10 hours a day. We were supposed to show the progress of our project to our mentor in four project reviews for the entire semester before presenting it in the final exam.

On the first review of the project, he started asking questions which are completely unrelated to the project, asking us to implement features which will take a lot of time and completely unnecessary. Basically, he didn't understood the project at all. On top of that he was shouting on us instead of pointing out the errors and the areas of improvement on the project.

And then I thought " Why am I busting my ass on this project for this idiot?"

Got demotivated, and started working on my side projects.

For the next reviews, got similar project off the internet, presented the same thing for the reviews and in the final exam. Got an A grade.

Honestly, I don't understand how these people get their PhDs and become professors in colleges and universities.

feel stupid bcoz you underestimated the time to complete the project, feel even more stupid when you do it again and again

Please god!! Let me finish this side project 😢😢

"Don't worry I used to be a programmer, I'm a cool project manager"

...Scariest words I've herd in a long time

Project Euler is very difficult for a potato Head like me

When your project manager pisses you off so much, you could punch a baby or drown a puppy....

Spending the friday evening with a hobby project and beer. Lovely :)

Just today I found out these sniveling project managers have this secret spreadsheet that's kept from developers (and designers alike) to nitpick on all the mistakes a dev has made (even the littlest ones) and it's shown to our immediate bosses. Oh, how I wish they were in my position for one day. The long hours of study I did for a university degree and the online schooling to supplement my understanding to become a great developer. But no, I have to follow orders of a high-school graduate that sits on their ass giving out orders and makes more money than me because their in a "management" position. Oh, how I wish they could experience my position for one day. They would soon realise how complicated and convoluted the world of development really is. So the next time you bloody fucking put a "mistake" on your precious spreadsheet, know that you have no coding skills and you lack the slightest empathy of what developers goes through everyday.

If you are the lead developer on a big project, and you want your developers to not hate everything about this project, for the love of God please at least have a build server (it doesn't even have to run tests) and make sure your constant screwing around with Maven doesn't break the build for everyone else.

Hey devs,
I'm really bad at personal project idea generation.

So, do you have any good Python project ideas?

PS. Wanna light up my github chart again.
(aaand to put it in my CV of course)

Project Manager (non-technical, can’t code) keeps assigning himself issues in Jira so that “we don’t have any unassigned issues”

It’s so annoying, if you can’t fix any of the problems, don’t pretend to be working on them

Tmw your side project makes it to the front page of HackerNews and then to the top 😃

This is really nice positive reinforcement 😅

You guys ever have to explain whole project to another employee because you are the only one that know and worked on this project.
Worst thing is that guy is not even a programmer and I have to teach him c# first 😤 I'm soo angry

Probably joining my first real project. Truly no amount of university education can prepare you for the sheer scale and complexity of an enterprise software project. 100+ git repos, 5 different services running just to run the project locally, with tunnels open to 2 different DBs. It was daunting to touch anything.

Final day on this project, tonight I'll get drunk to forget about the backlog since client didn't hire me longer ( consultant).

I hate leaving unfinished code.

Monday I start my next project, which is refactoring. .Net code to .net core.

Here is to hoping it doesn't rely too much on unsupported 3rd party libraries.

Cheers fellow devs, have a good weekend.

So the little project I was working on goes to the side. I'm taking on a new one: a little pong game, a hello world into NES programming

Simple ANTLR project for compiler class accepted .

Easy money
(btw I had no idea about what antlr was , so i googled everything :D)

My project is like...

"Everyday is Production Day"

The best way to learn something imo is starting a project
I used to start small projects for that but now im doing my biggest project with laravel now its 90% done

Just downloading the CM Source code right now. I'm really excited and nervous because I never tackled such a big project on my own.
Wish me Luck guys! :)

A colleague of mine had a 'great idea' and started a crowdfunding project on kickstarter;
A microblogging application to host on your own server. The max amount of characters per message was 140.
The prototype was even built on bootstrap!
Such a original idea!!

Gotta love that 'side project' 😆

I had to choose a subject for a math project. So I selected encryption (elliptic curve). I decided to make an interactive demo website. First time working with node, websockets, large numbers and latex. Most fun project I ever did. I am still proud on the result and how fast I did it (~3 weeks)

Rant

I was given a project to lead and develop with 2 other team members by the co-founder, I was told that I will need to deliver an initial demo within 30 days, 20 days in the project and I was told yesterday that they need a final release ready within the next 10 days !! Not just that but the co founder decided to assign one of my team members to another project!!!

I've worked today till 4am.

Guess who's working from home in the morning!

that moment when you run project it works fine but when you run in front of collogues or team lead it won't work😞

When you are hearing your consciousness that you should start doing your personal project before someone else does that.

Just done with The Phoenix Project. Amazing book, I got if as an ebook. Wouldn’t mind more books similar to that style

How would you react if your project during internship start showing up bugs?

When one PM hands you off to another PM and neither has any idea about the project I am supposed to be working on...nor do I have access to the Trello boards, the repos, etc...

Happy Monday 🤦‍♂️

*Be project manager/most senior developer*
*Higher up tells you there is only enough money to hire recent graduates/internees, the cream of the pie, and that I can't hire fewer developers with more experience*
*Code is shit as result*
*Feels anger towards the developer that did it*
*Feels sorry because that developer is actually trying really hard and is diligent even if he is inexperienced*
*Change anger object to higher management*
*Repeat*

I am going to rant about this here because there is nowhere else where I can "SCREAM".

My work process....

Working on a project that does not have mockups nor a plan. I am building as I go. Design, infrastructure, EVERYTHING. Because my boss is a "genius".

And the project goes like this....

1. Boss tells me to build something.
2. I tell him the functionalities and design.
3. Boss, "Figure out yourself and we will see how it goes".
4. Me, Builds something.
5. Boss does not like it and demands changes.
6. I make the changes.
7. Repeat.

1 year and a half for one project that is a simple e-commerce. Show the products, a search functionality, users sign in and can order and show their orders.

A simple page in which does not take time, but without a plan, without A FUCKING PLAN this project will go on forever.

I am losing my mind. I put on test and tell my boss to test it for bugs. He demands a meeting and tells me, "we need to add this".

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE. TEST THE SITE FOR BUGS YOU FUCKING USELESS THING. I WILL FIX THE BUGS AND THEN WE WILL TALK FOR NEW MODULES.

I am doing documentation, database infrastructure, front-end, back-end, testing (because my boss cannot do it. It took him 2 week to start testing for some things after asking him every fucking day "Did you test it", "Did you test it").

Maintaining out CRM for bugs and new modules and maintaining our company's website.

Demoing our product at the customer's site by remoting into one of our internal environments. Their internet is slow so product looks slow.

Project manager after the demo: hey, next time, think of yourself as the tech lead, not just the software lead. Next time hop into the command prompt and do whatever you guys do, check the bandwidth or something.

Me biting my tongue: so I can tell you the customer's internet is too slow?

The typical university project as a group:

- Discuss/Make somebody create the items in Jira: 2 days
- Implementation: 2 hours
- Tests: What are tests? Do I write them in my main method?
- Review/Someone sees the code: 9 hours
- Staging/Production: No one is ever going to use the "software"

Me: there are a lot of memory leaks in my application i should do something
Inner me : teacher does know that, submit the project

Here to represent project managers.
Who was saying what about us?!

Talk now or forever hold your peace!

any thought about the best way to start a solo project? I think going for the db schema first is easier, curious to see your opinion 😁

Soo.... when does devRant go from Fight Club to Project Mayhem? Will we have to stand outside of @dfox and @trogus's apartment for 3 days?

How do you guys prevent burnout when working on a side-project? I'm probably not the only one here, with multiple unfinished projects.

Project is dammed, is broken, we complain about it for almost 3 months, daily, code is old and client is full of bad practices and is always searching for a way to blame us for his failure.
Administration decides that best solution is motivate meditation techniques on dev team

How accurate is this guys ? I came across this reading comments on youtube. The moral of Star Wars rogue one ^^ and project management at its finest...

Any summer project ideas to step-up my programming skills? I'm bored but also not very creative when it comes to projects.

When you're not doing anything until 4pm then suddenly project manager give a task to finish until 5..

If I combine all my unfinished project, it would be my first personal finished product.

Weekend Project-A-thon

over a decade ago, I created a very simple php script, but because I was new to php, it took 2 months to code

I eventually sold half my interest in the business, and it was updated, upgraded, etc.

But now I have to clone it. And I have a weekend to do it. I've come a long way with my coding skills. I think it's possible.

Project Start Time: 9 a.m. Eastern.

My timer has started already. Wish me luck!

To keep me company, what is your weekend project you've been putting off, and do you think you could do it in 2 days?

Do you guys have some good web project ideas??

Opinion | What kind software project could be submitted to college as a supplement ... Like a scripting language build from scratch?

I hate rushing on a project that needs done the same day and then gets put on hold for a week or longer. I rushed because...?

@college project submission
Teacher:once done print all your codebase and come with to class
Me:But sir there are better ways of submitting our code.
Teacher :what do you suggest
Me:we can a repo such as bitbucket or github
Teacher:I got no idea of that you send the code using Gmail or just print the code for your grading.

Me:for Christ sake how will I send all my android files through Gmail.

When a new feature is added at the middle of the project...

Today, for a feature that doesn't need to be released at all, we had to choose between delivering 2 months later so we could pay the technical debt, or release on time with even more technical debt, and 96% sure this will kill the project.

Guess what?

End of personal project with only single commit!

Worse than an incompetent colleague who can't help me fix technical issues is a demanding, confusing, beat around the bush, boss as a project director.

Project Manager is away and Project Director steps in to take over. Starts barking orders and when I try to actively contribute positively to get the project going, he stops at me, barks that I was asking the wrong questions or doing the wrong tasks. This isn't my first project rodeo. I have had plenty of project experience under my belt but he belittles me. I know what needs done and get the project done and over with.

I guess I know what I'll do. Avoid proactively contribute and just hang back until I get orders on what to do. Because fuck progress. Or until I hear more from my original Project Manager.

Myself dealing with Project Managers. I am the ball btw...

Just worked for 5 hours on a project... i hope i don't fuck it up