Rekt

This is how my boss told me my work was shit.

There's hardcoding and then there's hard coding

I'm such a fucking moron! I had a programing test at university today, there where two excercises and two hours time. Finished the first one within 20min, but couldn't crack the second one. As time went by, I got more and more nervous. My hands started shaking. I couldn't think straight. I should just have steped outside, ask for a bathroom break, whatever. But no, I wanted to solve it!
Went home after the timelimit. Sat down, wrote the same thing I had in my head, compile, test and would have gotten all the points. I was able to do in 20min when relaxed, what I wasn't able in 1h 40min.
Fuck me.

*Cuts 7 slow lines of code down to 1 fast line of code*
*Looks around to see if coworkers can see me*
*Pumps both fists in the air*

Job Interview for System Administrator

"Do you habe Experience With Servers?"

"Yes, Minecraft Servers, I own one..."

I didn't get the job

This is Why I give IT support so much respect.

Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro

Next day.....

Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number

Encouraged a friend to quit his current job. He is mentally unstable now because of his employer. His jerk employer harasses him and blames him stuff he didn't do. Blames him pre-existing bugs/bad features/bad codes from three years ago! He just got employed by that jerk employer two months ago. I know how my friend works because he was once my team leader for 19 months. He works harder and is one of the best devs I've ever met. He doesn't deserve a dickhead employer and that dickhead employer DOES NOT deserve a talented(skillful) software engineer like my friend. If anything happens to my friend, a lot of people will be hunting him down.

devRant time

Mr Null, please stop using my app.

Nights
Far less distractions
Almost dead silence
Only me and my screen

Daily fortune;
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.

Today was a really good day today.
Everything worked the way I wanted it to.

Staying up late coding and listening to music will literally never get old

When you have a killer app idea for years and you a lazy @sshole for working on it, but always dreaming with it.
"If I make the app I will be a millionaire"

When your code doesn't match your algorithm

When you don't write unit tests and expect it to work on the first try

Application has had a suspected memory leak for years. Tech team got developers THE EXACT CODE that caused it. Few months of testing go by, telling us they're resolving their memory leak problem (finally).

Today: yeah, we still need restarts because we don't know if this new deployment will fix our memory leak, we don't know what the problem is.

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE LOWER REGIONS FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS?!?!?! HAVING A FUCKING ORGY???????????????

My friends took the time to find your damn problem for you AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS???

It was in lower regions for 3 MONTHS and you don't know how it's impacting memory usage?!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO STILL HAVE A JOB? BECAUSE IF NOT, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR FUCKING JOB IF YOU CAN'T FUCKING FIX THIS.

Every time your app crashes, even though I don't need to get your highest level boss on anymore for approval to restart your server, I'M GOING TO FUCKING CALL HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Eventually, he'll get so annoyed with me, your shit will be fixed. AND I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR USELESS ASS ANYMORE.

(Rant directed at project manager more than dev. Don't know which is to blame, so blaming PM)

Create an ai powered music app which understands my taste in music, such that i never have to skip songs while playing in shuffle mode.

This guy loves Java too much.

Robot gf because I can't get a real one 😞

Space elevator.

Windows 10 found 3.99TB of temp files on my laptop with a 1TB hard drive.

My school stores everyone's username and passwords (including admins) in plain text on a Windows 2007 server that they remote desktop into.