I just can’t imagine it.

( ._.) “Hey dude, I code. Do you?”
(.-. ) “Same”
( ._.) “Friends?”
(.-. ) “Friends”

mom: call your friends

me: okay hold on

myFriends();

So glad you are here guys :')

Okay I'm sorry

I've started collecting pictures of my friends!

My friends be like...

Don't get into tech. Go into dancing or modeling.

So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.

Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.

I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.

Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.

Nothing.

Let's check the mail header. Nothing.

Face -> wall

Fml I want to cry.

Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.

Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!

At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.

BAM!

It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.

I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.

Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.

Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!

Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.

Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.

Holy cockriders of the galaxy.

Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.

That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.

I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.

Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer

No Friends = No Emails or letters!😁

Me: Wanna see this website I built this weekend?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: I connected a bunch of APIs so you can snap a photo of yourself and get a recommended song based on your facial expression. Pretty cool, right?

Friend: *thinking* ... I think you should change the size of that button, and the colors are pretty bad, dude.

Every time I show my non-tech friends anything I get this kind of feedback :/

How do you tell your family that you are currently developing a PornSite for a Client?

*Asking for a friend*

Note: I don't have friends

Friend: can you teach me how to hack fb?
Me: yeah sure, follow these steps:
> Install kali
> Open terminal
> Rm -rf /*
> Enter

Among non-programmer friends:

Me: *opens up a terminal window*
Friends: "Dude, are you HACKING?"

This is Why I give IT support so much respect.

Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro

Next day.....

Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number

Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.

Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"

Debugging:

Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"

Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?

Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?

Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.

Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?

Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.

Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.

Friend: ... so you can't find it then.

Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.

Friend: oh **** off.

*Finds devRant*
*Downloads devRant*
*Proceeds to uninstall all other forms of social media*

Always choose your friends wisely.

Anyone else getting used to seeing certain usernames in devRant? We may not have "friends" like Facebook, but is still a kick ass community 😃

Me: *Uses Spotify in India using VPN*
Friends:

Friend: So, you can program

Me: Yeah

Friend: nice, can you hack a Facebook profile?

Every.
Fucking.
Times.

This rant is devoted to my study friends. You see, I never knew what it was to not have people making fun of you/bullying you until I started my study.

Elementary school + highschool was one big mess of bullying, being made fun of and hardly having any friends.

At highschool I decided I wanted to go into IT. Especially programming. Programming in particular because when I was programming, I, for once, was the one in control. The code listened to me and for that tiny moment I was god.

Never really had much friends though and when I told my parents I wanted to do an MBO study (application development), my mother warned me that although she and my dad supported me with whatever my decision would be, MBO level studies were rough because of the general mindset/atmosphere there.

I thought fuck it, I want to do programming because that seems awesome and maybe I'll even make some friends with the same interests!

Then study arrived. Met a few guys with similar interests and we started hanging out together.

And then it came back just like before. Two guys who loved bullying and I was still a quite easy target because I couldn't stand up for myself.

But, then something happened. I liked a girl, she was in the hallway and two of the bullies (there were about 4-5 in total) got up and started fucking around with me (about her) and I just sat there, not daring to do anything with tears in my eyes.

Then two of my classmates noticed it, quickly came to my desk and started pushing the guys away with 'back the fuck off, what the fuck has he done to you?!'. Then one of those guys (now still about my best friend) came to me to see if I was alright.

We started talking. Then at some point, another bully had a go at me. This would be the final time. He was about 2 meters tall (I was about 160cm or something) and stood there in the door opening with a very nasty smile saying all nasty stuff, trying to intimidate me and probably tried to make me feel like crap again.

Nice guy on my right asked me to step to the left. Gave that guy a huge fucking foot in his chest and he smacked onto the ground. Made a gentleman's sign like 'go ahead, sir!' while gesturing towards the door.

From that moment on the bullying stopped. Throughout my study, some other bad things happened but those guys were always there for me.

Although I've lost touch with most of the guys (they're on social media, I'm not really), we still meet up once in a while and have a lot of beers while talking and laughing and thinking back to the good times we had together.

The study wasn't the best for what we were taught as in studying but it's the best choice I've ever made nonetheless.

Oh and that best friend and I still have loads of contact!

And when I was busy wasting my time on my girlfriend who is my ex now, my friends were busy coding an AI chat-bot. Now, I use their chat-bot to talk to when lonely.

Moral :
Girlfriends ditch you.... code doesn't. Love code.

Friend(non dev): Hey. Do you know how much it costs to maintain an app?

Me : Well that depends. What are you planning to do?

Friend: Something like Trivago. But small.

Me: That still doesn't tell me anything

Friend: Come on. Just give a number. How hard can it be?

Me: 42. *facepalm*

Friend: See wasn't that hard. Was it?

Me: *thinking* Don't correct him. Just let him be.

Story time:

I was hanging around with my friend:

Me: Gosh, this waiting is killing me!
Friend: You're programmer - aren't you used to waiting?
Me: :|
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He's right

I keep forgetting people's birthdays and thereby I forget to wish people, and wishing people everyday can become a chore. As somebody once said, if you do something more than once, automate it.

Spent two hours and ended up building a bot that consists of four functions: login, checkIfAuthenticated, postToProfile and getBirthdaysToday using mostly axios and cheerio.

Currently works perfectly and I've been thinking of writing a blog post about it for my 'Automating Your Life' series.

I'll post the link in the comments soon when I'm done with the blog post.

In my previous company, I used to work for a client company which had a terrible website. It was about financial data and people would have to wait too long before the page loaded because there was a freaking 1.2 megs of minified, compressed JS file that needed to load before you could do anything.

Everyone knew that was a pain in the ass and nobody wanted to touch spaghetti code and mess up something they didn't know.

I wanted to however take a shot at it. So an architect from client side and I discussed how we were gonna go about it and how we were gonna find the stuff that needed to load on page load and stuff that could be loaded later.

So we plan for it. We broke everything down from a globals polluting JS, found out the variables and functions that needed to run during first load by literally putting a console statement for each function and finally came up with two bundles.

The primary bundle was 120kb and would during first load and then every module would call it's own secondary bundle when the user interacted with it.

In the process, we removed half a meg of JS and the site became blazing fast.

I did it with a team of two members who, my manager thought were useless, learned a ton of stuff, setup proper process for the transition.

When the client didn't appreciate the amount of brain and effort we had put into it, these two members came forward to tell the client to acknowledge my effort and attributed the success of it to me.

I was totally moved. There was so much respect that I didnt care what anybody else thought. I was just so happy to work with those two humans.

When i left the company, i gifted them stuff they always talked about or wanted. :) Feels good.

ctrl +c => ctrl+v == ?

So my friend started a YouTube channel, being the motivational man I am I encouraged him and made him a logo for his channel.

It started here, he called me a bazillion times every single day asking me to make stuff like Channel banners, intros.

He even went so far to call my design bad and that I could do better.

I'm definitely losing my hold on my generosity, it's like this with every single fucktard I help. It's like programmers don't get to have a life, people pitch me stupid ideas at every party.. Having a casual conversation a guy starts talking about an idea.

Oooh... And the worst part they say you can have 60% and just give them 40% 'MINORITY' share for coming up with an idea I could pull up from my arse instantaneously

Next time he asks me something I'm gonna fuck him up or just charge him a bazillion dollars... FUCK FUCK FUCK... REALLY GOT TO BUY THAT STUPID STRESS CUBE

Share this with your non-techie friends

Coding with friends.. Helps with the stress 😁

me: Better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: Better get some friends
* Few seconds later *
me: Better go back to terminal

Non-dev friends are the best rubber ducks.

This can never be more accurate!

Friend: Hi! Can you create a car rental website for me?
Me: hmmm... yeah, we need to define some..
Friend: I will pay you in beer! 😉
Me: We need to define how you want to die.

Why some people try to ignore the fact that programming is a fucking job?

Some of my friends believe clicking helps. :P

Friend: "Wow! Is it a Raspberry PI?"
Me: "It's another version called Banana, but yes."
Friend: "I want one too for the games!"
Me: "OK, it's easy. There's a ROM called Retro ..."
Friend stare at me intensively
Me: "Sigh... Ok, I'll setup it for you..."

A (non dev) friend of mine was browsing some stuff on my other laptop today.
*I was just sitting bored*
SSHed into it.
Closed the browser.
Shut down the system down.
Totally freaked him out!

It was an awesome feeling!

Made a list of all my friends in Java.

then I run:
list.get(0);

I get: Index out of bound exception.

What is the problem, send help

a boy in my school died yesterday. he was hit by a car when he fell off his bike. he had mild autism, and smiled at everyone possible he met. god made the happiest boy i've ever called my friend.

some background - my school is full of fake people. what's fake, you ask? it's kind of like when people decided to not be down-to-earth/genuine so they can be popular. ex - a person acts like they're a friend with someone and uses them to get into a party, etc.

of course, people on instagram at my school all sent their "condolences," but there's people who are so fucking disrespectful. people who post on their story stuff like "I'll miss you [his name]❤️😇🙏" or "rest easy bro🙏"

it's bullshit. all fucking bullshit. some of them wrote a heartfelt message to a friend they're never going to see again - a friend that brought them joy and comfort and a smile. i like that.

and some people decide to be fake. i personally don't like it, but it's their life. but it's crossing a fucking line when people say things about how they'll miss a person they never knew, so they can fit in. god this boy was the best thing that ever happened to are school and his happiness one of the few reason i got out of bed every day. i'm so fucking tired of these people.
he doesn't deserve this.

Me and myself have worked on so many projects together but somehow we never really finished any of them...

That time when you code up something really cool (to you, that is...) and none of your friends understand.

Me: "Look at this cool thing!"
Them: "Looks like a bunch of numbers."
Me: "But they mean foo, bar, and baz!"
Them: "Whatever."

:(

I made this a year or two ago, never posted it, but I feel it would be appropriate😂

Banks be like

You don't have much money?
Here, let me keep taking some of that from you until you get more, k?

Oh, that was more than you had?
Now you owe me even more, nerd.

What, you can't pay that either?
Better ask me for a loan so you can pay off your debt to me. Loser.

What? You still can't pay?
I'm gonna take your everything!

Just heard of the new macOS exploit, o boy fun times.

Just deleted my Facebook and github account (after migrating over to bitBucket) and realised.

I had more followers on github than friends on Facebook. Feels bad man..

EVERY FUCKING DAY ANOTHER RETARD ON MY DOORKNOB WHO HAS TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS GREAT IDEA.

I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT VOICE ENABLED MUSIC PLAYER APPS. SO THAT YOU CAN CHANGE SONGS WHILE TAKING A SHOWER

NO ONE WANTS A GPS TRACKER APP FOR THEIR FUCKING DOG AND HOW DO YOU EVEN REMOTLY THINK THAT YOUR FUCKING DOG HAS BUILD IN GPS ANYWAY

AND NO WE WILL NOT MAKE BILLIONS AND TAKE YOUR 10% SHARE UP YOUR ANUS. YOUR IDEA IS AS WORTHLESS AS YOUR EDUCATION WAS OBVIOUSLY.

I'm a C/C++ dev, I declare friends whenever I want.

It's easy as 'friend class John;'

DevRant users are Dope❤.
Great to be a part of 50k Dev's all around the world.

I hate it when people don't want to work for themselves and when I share something for their knowledge

"Wow what pro", "Dude you're so smart" etc in a sarcastic manner.

Dude wtf, you don't want to improve yourself then fuck off. You're there because of yourself not because I fucked it up for you.

You reap what you sow and i don't need people discrediting my effort to get to where I am today. I get it, I'm not even what you would call "pro", So what shitface?! I wanna be there someday. If you don't then just die. I don't need people like you in my life 😬😬😬

At least my friends understand me !

Friend calls, who never called in a decade.

Me : Hii...

F : Hey...I used this auto-liker on FB and I'm following......

ME : *Disconnect*

I felt anger and depression all at once.

My very first post, loving the rants😊. Happy to be a part

From a beer company in Portugal.
While (have.friends) { drink an ice cold beer with them}

What my friends think I can do

When you've created a small little program to test out a new language you're learning and you're​ really proud of it 🤗 then show it to your -non programmer- friends and they're like,that's shit wtf is the point in that you're an awful coder...

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! 😫😭

I HATE it when I give my phone to my friends for like 2 mins and they clear my notifications and recent apps while giving back!

Why bro?

When you do some cool shit at work but exactly zero people outside of it will understand

6:30pm: "You programmers have no life at all. Spending the whole day infront of a computer! "
6:31pm: "Hey could you please loan me some money, I am so broke right now"
*Me singing in my head*: 🎵🎵Young, dumb and broke

*friend sees me using inspect element*
Friend: woah dude, are you hacking?
Me: no, actually, I-
Friend: Dude, how do I do that? I want to use that to hack Clash Royale! Or minecraft!
Me: *facepalm*

Friends laptop crashed while a BSOD. :'D

When you have good dev friends :)

Shortest friendship story-

I randomly posted on a group- "Hey can someone lend me Udemy Account if you have bought The Web Developer Bootcamp by Colt Steele, I am a student and really wish to do the course"

Next minute, I got a pm- "Give me your e-mail id pal, I will gift you the course"

This man in his 50s was so generous. We talked about tech, country and exchanged social handles.

By the way the course is really worth it.

This might come off like i'm so full of myself, but its just true.

This probably happens to so many other girl devs as well, so this might be relatable.

Why can't guys at school, work, etc. just be friends with me? They often start liking me as more than a friend, causing me to disappoint them that I don't, and then they don't want to be friends anymore.

I get it, there aren't many developer, 'gamer', reasonably attractive girls out there, but damn it kinda sucks :/.

Friend: "You're a hacker, right?"

Me: "If you prefer to name it like that, yes"

Friend: "So... Could you hack a phone for me and get all images on it?"

Me: "Who are you again?"

To everyone in hurricane war path...

YOUR WONDERFUL STUBBORN ASSES BETTER LET ME KNOW YOU'RE OK. I'M GOING TO BE WORRIED SICK UNTIL ALL THESE FUCKING WATER TORNADOES ARE DONE.

(Written March 13th at 2am.)

This morning (yesterday), my computer decided not to boot again: it halts on "cannot find firmware rtl-whatever" every time. (it has booted just fine several times since removing the firmware.) I've had quite the ordeal today trying to fix it, and every freaking step along the way has thrown errors and/or required workarounds and a lot of research.

Let's make a list of everything that went wrong!

1) Live CD: 2yo had been playing with it, and lost it. Not easy to find, and super smudgy.

2) Unencrypt volume: Dolphin reports errors when decrypting the volume. Research reveals the Live CD doesn't incude the cryptsetup packages. First attempts at installing them mysteriously fail.

3) Break for Lunch: automatic powersaving features turned off the displays, and also killed my session.

4) Live CD redux: 25min phonecall from work! yay, more things added to my six-month backlog.

5) Mount encrypted volume: Dolphin doesn't know how, and neither do I. Research ensues. Missing LVM2 package; lvmetad connection failure ad nauseam; had to look up commands to unlock, clone, open, and mount encrypted Luks volume, and how to perform these actions on Debian instead of Ubuntu/Kali. This group of steps took four hours.

6) Chroot into mounted volume group: No DNS! Research reveals how to share the host's resolv with the chroot.

7) `# apt install firmware-realtek`: /boot/initrd.img does not exist. Cannot update.

8) Find and mount /boot, then reinstall firmware: Apt cannot write to its log (minor), listed three install warnings, and initially refused to write to /boot/initrd.img-[...]

9) Reboot!: Volume group not found. Cannot process volume group. Dropping to a shell! oh no..

(Not listed: much research, many repeated attempts with various changes.)

At this point it's been 9 hours. I'm exhausted and frustrated and running out of ideas, so I ask @perfectasshole for help.
He walks me through some debugging steps (most of which i've already done), and we both get frustrated because everything looks correct but isn't working.

10) Thirteenth coming of the Live CD: `update-initramfs -u` within chroot throws warnings about /etc/crypttab and fsck, but everything looks fine with both. Still won't boot. Editing grub config manually to use the new volume group name likewise produces no boots. Nothing is making sense.

11) Rename volume group: doubles -'s for whatever reason; Rebooting gives the same dreaded "dropping to a shell" result.

A huge thank-you to @perfectasshole for spending three hours fighting with this issue with me! I finally fixed it about half an hour after he went to bed.

After renaming the volume group to what it was originally, one of the three recovery modes managed to actually boot and load the volume. From there I was able to run `update-initramfs -u` from the system proper (which completed without issue) and was able to boot normally thereafter.

I've run updates and rebooted twice now.
After twelve+ hours... yay, I have my Debian back!

oof.

This my friends

You know, sometimes I wish I had friends who knew how to code or new a bit about the programming world. Then I could show them my projects and they could help out of they wanted. I could also get them to properly criticize my designs and script. Instead of the ones that just scroll past your shit and say nothing at all, you know, people who would actually give a little bit of a shit. Sigh.

Friends.

When friends use my computer😂🤗

My relatives: "Can you fix my computer/ipad/etc..."
Me: "Sure why not. I'l take a look when I have the time"
Lesson: Don't be so arrogant.

I have a whatsapp group with my friends, none of which are techies. A while ago one of them was looking for a phone to buy, so he started looking at models, specs and all that, but got pretty confused and asked a pretty well-informed question to the group:

"Guys, what is that quad core thing?
And what is a RAM? Is it something like the processor of the phone or what? "

OK, pretty typical stuff up until this point. The guy knows nothing about this sort of things, I wouldn't criticize him or insult him or anything like that. No, that's not the problem. The problem is the person that responded to him. This... This melted my brain so much I will never forget:

"Don't worry about that, you only have to look at how many gigahertz does the processor run at. Don't worry about the number of cores or ram. The GHz are the result of the amount of ram and cores, so the more the gigahertz, the better the phone."

PD: "Also take a look at how many megapixels does the camera have if you want to take photos".

Some people just talk out of their ass and pretend like they're experts on any topic they've read about for 5 minutes on the Internet

I finally have friends..

There are so many awesome dev jokes and puns here, i want to share them all with my friends. But i know none of them would understand whats so hilarious about them :(

#python #friends reference

Why the fuck am I - who never had a girlfriend in his life - the person my friends come to to get relationship advice?

Well, I can tell them what no to do...

Technically devranters are my friends.

friends and linux...

Friend used me as a rubber duck;
I did listen, but answered just with:
"Quack quack!".

this.friends = [];

Real friends write API documentation

FUCKING USELESS 'FRIENDS' WHO ONLY CALL/MESSAGE FOR HELPING THEM TO CHOOSE TO SELECT APPROPRIATE LAPTOP FOR THEIR 'PURPOSE'. IM FUCKING DONE. THIS IS the THIRD TIME IN THIS WEEK. STOP GETTING ON MY GODDAMN NERVES. VISIT AMAZON FOR FUCKS SAKE, APPLY FILTERS AND BOOYAH MAGIC. YOU GET A FUCKING VARIETY OF LAPTOPS TO CHOOSE FROM. BUT NO YOU WON'T, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE AMAZON.

❤️❤️❤️ who need friends, when u have glob ❤️

My first try at greentext.
>Be me
>18y.o recently recruted to a university
>1 month before moving to the university
>Be alone with his computer && electronics hobbys
>My town sucks
>Go on first year student integration camp
>Yay im going to meet a lot of people like me!
>Camp near the lake, 100km from home
>Day 1/7
>Moved my stuff to a house
>I dont know anybody
>Meet 3 friends who are going to live with me
>One of them is great, i like him, he likes to code, uses mac and iphone (it suffices for his needs, he understand everybody else who thinks otherwise)
>Two of them are pro party guys / alcohol vaccums
>Fucking pricks with their boombox
>99% of students are just there to drink a FUCKING LOT
>WTF.jpg
>Day 5/7
>I had been drunk only once at the camp and i havent drunk since because of AlcoholAfterEffects®
>Have a sad moment due to me wasting my time and money here.
>Totaly wasted my time... and found nobody like me
>After that day i meet 2 programers
>I have taught them OOP
>Had a great time
>Night game!
>Bizarre student party rituals
>Use my torch i made literary 8h before the camp had started
>Torch is made from pvc pipe, 9v battery, chinesium buck converter, old led module, switch
>Find the guy with the HUGE TORCH
>Wow. Is it the 100W homemade floodlight?
>Conversation about our constructions
>Both sides were looking for a friend with similar hobbies
>Exchange the contacts
>Hopefuly meet thogether and make few projects in the future
>Present time
>Got 3 friends in one day
>But still dosent understand the huge amount of alcohol nearly everyone is drinking

I don't have a ton of friends, but I do have a few. None of them can code (one has tried HTML/CSS and didn't get past the fundamentals). When I make something cool, and show it off to my friends they just don't understand the struggles and triumphs that were involved in that project. As a beginner/intermediate dev, feedback is huge and no one I know in person can give it to me. There are a couple people I chat with online that help me with my projects, but that's nothing like sitting down with someone and listening to their feedback, suggestions, ect.

Why do my friends have to be so non-techy?

Making friends..

I love annoying drunk friends

Friend : “What’s a devDuck”
Me: “We’ll use it as a problem solving technique. It’s a technique where if you get stuck, you try to explain the problem to a rubber duck.”

Friend: “Because you don't have the people skills to describe it? Autism levels skyrocketing”

Me: T_T

I already wrote one rant about how my family deals with me being a developer, but this rant I wanna dedicate to people close to my family and what they actually think...

Earlier this year I ended school, so I was supposed to find a job. Well...I live in region where only small IT "companies" exist. It is really hard to find job as a developer around here. These small companies either do not want to hire anyone or they just hire people with super amazing university or just family members and friends. Anyway, I did not want to move to the capital city, so I just kept seraching...and that is how this family friends started to be fucking toxic.

While searching for job everyone just kept telling me how am I lazy as fuck and will not just go digging fucking drains or work for minimum wage to some korean shit company around here. Of course not literally, but I can see when someone starts to look at me as I am completely crazy. Our family lost many fake friends who just do not understand because of this. But it did not ended here...

When I finally found a job 1.5 month earlier, I was so happy. Job from home in relative good company. Ho Lee Fuk! Nobody believes me I am actually working. People look at me as I am a lazy fuck laying all day in bed and watching fucking TV. I am done with these dick people.

End of story.

Friend: 'I have an idea you could totally do: a search engine for travellers that searches hostels, hotels, flights and resteraunts'
Me: 'yeahh I'm currently working on an e-commerse website. Should keep me.busy for a while'
Friend: 'integrate it into your website, it'd be silly not to'

Do people think we just click 'integrate idea' button for a living??!
Seriously the fux

For my American friends...

We gonn' lose our jobs friends!

Just saw this on my friends desk.

last week was the funniest week in my damn life.

so apparently, some of friend knew about i can make some mobile applications, lets just call her riri. and that week, riri's Instagram account got hacked.

whats so funny about it? she ask me to get her account back or she'll accuse me as the one who hacked her account.

when i ask her, how could i bring her account back, she replied with, "why would you ask me? you were the one who good at computer thingy"

SO?
if i can drive a car, you'll assuming that i can make a car and repair it myself?

haha, funny

No one is safe when I hit a wall... Not even my best friends.

When you've to explain normal people that you're a dev and not a hacker and so you can't just hack into their ex's Facebook account like it's some magic trick.

I wish all my friends were like you guys <3

Even the English is awesome 🤣🤣

How I feel when people ask me to install software.

Hey, I had a question. How social are you all IRL?

I'll explain myself. IRL, I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me (which I don't seek) for example. And regarding friends, I've never had more than one "buddy" each school year, unconsciously dropping them once we weren't linked by school anymore. There is only two people I have kept throughout the years and that I'd call friends, one of them is my girlfriend.

That being said, I know I'm especially asocial, but I'm curious how everyone is here :)
We often hear "Computer people don't have many friends blabla" but I'm curious about that ^^

To the people talking about boats on the other side of the cubical wall, FUCK YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR 45 MINUTES! DO YOU WORK? I HOPE YOUR BOATS ALL GET RUST. I worked 12 hours on Sunday, got 4 hours of sleep, pulling a full day, then depending on how much work I get done work all night again. RESPECT MY QUIET ZONE!!! Uncouth peasants!

when you friends ask you about hacking someone's Facebook account.

Is having friends something that I am actually supposed to do?

It just occurred to me that I don't have anyone that I would call a good friend.

When my Friends ask the same.😠😠😠

the best friends
#dom #jquery #programming #coding

When someone you know asks for a favour..
"Hey I have this wordpress website & heard you know PHP, could you help me out with this 1 plugin? :)))"

My dev mates are all gone for Xmas
Before one of them left we hugged.

He said:gonna get laid tonight, I'm going to be all out of orgasms
Me:YOU CANT SAY THAT WHILST YOUR HUGGING ANOTHER MAN!

Wtf is wrong with my friends

They like to freak me out by saying awkward things in uncomfortable situations

PS I don't hug people like ever I was trying to be nice 😕

This, my friends, is a very common virus in Turkey called "Musallat" (which is just a tiny program that hides all of your data in your flash drive inside a hidden folder that has a blank name, and forces you to click it's shortcut to infect all other drives thag plugged in your pc) being clicked by my dumb ass friend eventhough I told everyone to not click the .lnk if they see it.

I am so fucking mad right now.

Yess!!!! Finally!!!

Let's have a nice Friday my friends.

I just started to use
"titties" for success message
and
"no titties" for error message

... I need friends... and titties obviously

While I'm still struggling with Webpack and Babel. There's one light in the end of this abyss. Dear @AlexDeLarge is reaching out and helps me with all his experience. devRant, what a wonderful place.

I lost a few friends.

Ok, this is a story that happened some months ago ago.
I was at school when my classmate asks me:
Hey, can you teach me how you did those things you did?
Me: What things?
Classmate: That videogame you made (I wrote about the "videogame" i made for my school on my first rant)
Me: Ok! But I'll have to teach you the basics of how a computer works, and stuff like that
Classmate: but i know already everything about a computer! I am like a guru! I probably know how it works better than you!
Me internally: then why are you asking me how to program?
Me: OK, so we will skip that. See you this afternoon?
Classmate: OK.

Afternoon
Classmate = cm;
Me = me;
me: so, let's start! I'll teach you before the basics.
cm: i told you i know already everything! Just tell me how I can program so i can have girls!
me internally: you chose the wrong tattic to pick up girls.
me (now angry): OK. SOOOOOO. WE'LL START PUTTING SOME CODE IN THE TEMPLATE I ALREADY MADE FOR YOU.
Him: ok, lets start.
me: We will start by making the charachter moving. In a month we will make a full basic game with animations, npc's and everything.
him: what? One month? I WANNA FU**ING DO IT NOW.
me: WHAT? I AM GIVING YOU MY 1500 EUROS COMPUTER, GIVING YOU FREE LESSONS, AND WASTING MY TIME ON A STUPID PERSON LIKE YOU (i actually said it) AND YOU ARE BEING AN A**HOLE? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU STUPID IDIOT.
And that is it. I made the story a little bit shorter and wrote the most interesting parts. I hope you liked it, because i did not...

So this happened some time ago but I didn't know devRant back then.

In school we had to write some code in Java and before the lessen one of my friends said to me that he already knew Java and that it was like a very easy coding language.

Then, when we actually had to code, he was complaining that his code didn't work.
So I stopped coding, stood up and walked over to him. He had only very few lines of code and after reading the error message I told him that he was missing a semicolon in line X.

He then asked me what a semicolon was. At that moment I thought: Oh, it's just that one thing that you put after ALMOST EVERY LINE OF CODE IN JAVA. I showed him where I find it on the keyboard and then I fixed his code (it had way more errors than just a missing semicolon).

I have no problem with helping other people but if that person brags about how well they know Java and then not knowing what a semicolon was, that's just not ok.

We all have that one friend who says that he is a computer genius because he built his PC himself but then he doesn't know the difference between bits and bytes.

var m = Me()
var f = Friend()

f.speak("I just wiped my whole disk drive with everything on it and I just realized how much I didn't care about all those movies I didn't watch or the TV shows that I'm keeping on the side...... It's like a clean new PC and I feel so free")

m.speak("Stop with the spiritual bullshit. You were installing Windows and it was a mistake right?")

f.cryAndNod()

m.sigh()

So I was setting up my friend's NAS. Got everything worked in minutes (dns, port forwarding etc.). Enabled ftp connection tried it locally, working. Tried remotely, timed out...

After half an hour I was about to tear my hair out one by one when he suddenly said to wait a sec he knows what's the problem. Tapped two on his phone and suddenly, it's working.

THE FUCKING PHOTO UPLOADING FROM HIS PHONE TO THE CLOUD BLOCKED ALL INCOMING CONNECTIONS AND HE WAS AWARE OF THAT ALL ALONG. WHAT THE FUCK MAN, DO YOU ENJOY SEEING ME STRUGGLE?? That was literally an "I'm out" moment.

Him: Coding is completed. Just have to compile it.

You dumb fuck, go fuck yourself. Don't redefine meaning of complete. Get yourself a dictionary.

Just got my GCSE results today and got a 9 (top A*) in Computer Science. Woo.

I'm going to troll some friends whit this VBScript that create and run silently a batch

!rant
> Joins voice chat with friends
> They're talking about virtual data quantities.
> One of them mentions petabyte.
> Everybody except me proceeds by making jokes about how "petabyte" sounds like dog food and other miscellaneous things.

Friends not found :(

Tfw nobody but your mom remembers your birthday. I just became 20 but holy shit I didn't think I would experience the world of an adult this quick

That moment when your developer friends talk about some new programming language and all you can do is just nod your head because you don't have a clue.

PS. They will definitely read this rant and know the next time, I just nod my head :D

Sysadmin friends...

Friend: hey could you help me with buying / fixing xy?
Me: sure no problem, because I can appreciate being needed.

End of story

My friends just got me the best birthday present ever. Always wanted a rubber duckie, never thought I'll have something even better, my own Tux - will call him Tuxy 😊🐧

The awkward moments when you've been laughing too much from most of these rants and your non programming friends wonder what's funny about them after showing them and trying to explain but they look at you all like...

I KNOW BOOST FOR REDDIT! DONT REMIND ME! 😭 /s

When you learn Quick Sort and it is hard to hold back this classic reference...

No rant here but just wanted to remind the ladies and gentlemen to take that break and spend time with your family or friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, and pets. If someone s been meaning to do it and got bogged down by work, I hope this serves as a reminder.

Had to integrate legacy code into the new framework.

Me: Where does the virtual sensor come from?
Colleague: It's in the docs.
Me: That step is not in the docs.
Colleague: It is, look into the file $FILE.
Me: Yeah, it's empty :D
Colleague: Nope, it's not.
Me: See, empty (pointing to laptop screen)
Colleague: Why is it empty? (keyboard typing...) Damnit, too many git remotes in my repo :D

My rubber ducks debugging friends

This is not how you make friends.

Warning: I code just for fun.

Today I finished a website and I asked to my friends to tell me what they think about it saying that it wasn't yet properly responsive and that could be some error, so I asked if they could use the computer to view it and all of them sent to me screenshots of the website on mobile.

I hate them.

P.S. Sorry for my english...

Anybody from devRant going to FOSDEM?

Documentation is like friends. I don't have friends.

Alright what's your alcoholic drink of choice?

Friend: So, are you studying computer engineering?
Me: Yes
Friend: Woow cool, and do you make also games?
Me: Not now, there will be a separated module...
Friend: Awasome, if you will frequent that module, can you make for me an economic version of GTA but with a better interface and in little time?
Me: Fuuu...... 😑😑😑

Breaking news!
An anomaly in human communications was discovered!! It appears that when a person asks a tech oriented friend "can you help me with my computer?" And receives a positive response, what he actually hears is "yes, I agree to be your slave for any technical issue you have from now and until the end of time"!
Scientists are investigating...

My internet went out the other day and I genuinely didn't know what to do with myself! Pacing around my apartment until it came back 2 hours later.
I think I need to get out more or at least get some friends but, you know... people.

!rant
>dreams something good
>enjoying it
>feeling it
>mom wakes me up
>dream stops
>yells at mom
>gets shouted back
>thinks of dream again
>was soo good
>see tag

Sitting here with my friends. They are drinking and having a blast... I am on devRant and thinking to start a new project.

One of my ex-trainees, mid-level dev at the time of the story, from the previous job asked me and insisted to work with me and if it's possible to open a position for him at my new employer (i was a team lead). We were also somehow friends, spending a lot of time together - including our girlfriends - outside of work.

He went to the interview, passed it and he received an approx. 1500 euros salary, jumping from around 1k euros. He was very happy with it and accepted the offer.

One week before starting his new job, my manager came to me and asked: "hey what happened with X?". I was like: "what happened?". "Don't you know? He sent an SMS this morning to announce us that he doesn't want the job anymore."

I had absolutely no idea about that. The second thing that I did was to give him a call and ask him about his decision. His argue was that "my current employer made my another offer: 1550 euros". I said something like "ok, have fun".

I got back to the manager to tell him about that. He offered to make another offer of almost 2000 euros to the guy, but I refused.

and all my friends were lost

Friends lets change your mood with this.

I need some mental check up over here

When my friends ask me "What's your hobby?" then I would start saying: Well, nothing much just some programming.
Friend: Oh, programming! I see. So what language do you use?
Me: I use Python
Friend: Now I see why you like programming cause it's very easy right? I can write a Hello, World! Program in one line.
Me: Yeah! [but what I meant is you son of a motherf***in bi**h! It's not fu**ing easy. Just because it takes one line to type print("Hello, World!") doesn't mean it's fu**ing easy.]

When I say friends I mean classmates cause friends != classmates.

Non-developers friends be like..

Wait a minute... something doesn't feel right around here, There's a certain someone missing from my devRant life again.

Enjoy your social leave.

As friends are

I used to have this friend who wants to learn how to code, so I referred him to a website that provides tutorials for multiple programming languages. The next day he comes up to me saying he didn't understand a thing about it. After asking some questions about what he did, it turned out that he made the "Hello World" program for every single programming language on that website!

!rant

Chilled out with one of my non-programmer friends over the weekend. We were talking about various projects I had worked on, and he became interested. He started learning js that night, and I was proud.

Cut to today, he sends me a message complaining about some of the weird syntaxes in python. Super proud moment.

Tips n' Tricks #1: how to distinguish real friends from fake ones

Answer: with a real one you don't end up talking about their last computer issues each time you interact with them

One night, after one very stressful week of production code fixes (I was working on a game with some friends and I created the network infrastructure for P2P and database communication from scratch), I was at my gf's house. After we fell asleep, I stood up and screamed right at her something like "I fucking already told you how X works and how to communicate with Y. Learn to write code properly and after double checking yours then you shall ask me for a non-existing 'bug' fix. Learn how to properly write event based code and use polling you moron!". After that I turned to the other side and fell asleep immediately.
When I saw her the next morning sleeping in the couch, I could not understand why... Only after she described to me the whole incident I started laughing.
After that I just took two weeks off the project and after that period I never actually worked the same way (so hard) in my free time with them.

I knew I had found the right group of friends when one of them suggested we try SQL Injection on the instant messaging feature of the bowling alley console.

Unrelated, do people not think, "hmm, that seems like an unnecessary feature?"

Finally drinking again 😌

Ah, it just feels too good. Who needs friends anyway 💖

My non-coding friends think i am an amazing developers as i can create landing pages and small websites and they sometimes come to me with stupid ideas for websites.

This is why you should NEVER do tech favours for friends...

As a Christmas present I setup a WiFi router for a friend (Natted to the ip it acquires through DHCP). Since then I have had numerous messages from her because her brothers are blaming the WiFi for any internet issue they have.

I told her they need to check their cables since they looked quite dodgy when I installed the router.

Today they discovered they have a termite infestation. Her father is losing his shit with her and wants her to remove the router because he is adamant that the WiFi attracted the termites and they would not have an infestation without it.

FML... I just can't.... any fucking issue in that house is going to be blamed on the WiFi router as long as it exists.

I have more people in my "blocked" list than I have friends... Just noticed that.

Q 1 options b 😂😂😂

2017 has ended and I want to throw this fucking rock of anger with it out of the Window.

I will tell you how my last 3 to 4 years as private IT Guy (IT Dumpster) for everything was.

My Gaming Community:
It was so fucking retarded that I would like to punch everyone there in the face over a thousand times.

Seriously there are over 60 People in that Community and they take every shit for granted and only cry about everything.

I'm Paying since 4 Years over 60 € for our Server every month. Some people donated some small bucks over the time and in the end it was around 150 € Donations over 4 years.

Im thankful for the Donations, but these people really think that they can demand for this Donations private Gameservers for over years for free or think that they now own the Servers. WTF?? FUCK YOU!!

Im managing 2 Linux Server with Web, MySQL, Voice and Gameserver. What did 1 guy donate? 10 € for 4 years, thats around 15% for just a month. You would get our Teamspeak for 7 Days for that price idiots!!

I did all the damn Webdev and am now writing a App in Kotlin for Android man!!

Since last everybody in the Community gets on my nerves, because they are so ignorant and dont appreciate the work of others 😡.

My Association where I support the hole IT with a friend:

We decided in the commitee that we would take on major changes in our infrastructure.

We need to finish the barebone concept in the end of January 18.
Early December 17 I wrote my friend, that we need to have a meeting and plan everything.

Well, now I mostly designed the roadmap by myself and didnt receive any reply from my friend 💀.

I really dont understand why the shit always sticks at me and I need to finish it.

I really love to code something, install or repair PC's with joy or manage Server but the people around me are in my free time like poison and they take out my fun for it.

The only fun and enjoyable IT Part for me is at my fulltime job. Thats the only good place left for me as Safe Heaven and the people there really appreciate my knowledge and work I do.

Friends Don't Let Friends Use Internet Explorer!

C++ tough me that having 2 or 3 friends is ok in some situations, but its best to avoid them when possible.

Also, you cannot have friends outside of class.

Friends don’t let friends write dynamic casts

Real story :

There's this one colleague, who was a very good friend of mine. Always helped me in everything. That one friend in the team, who shares a lot of stuff with you.

And she suddenly, turns offensive when it comes to professional things and mainly competitive stuff in the team.
She becomes a completely different person when I get recognition for something in the team or when I become popular in the team.

She has that feeling that she should always stay in the lime light.
When I steal the show by doing something good, she starts to show faces.
Decided that it is a unhealthy friendship, as the friend i knew is no longer a friend when it comes into professional behavior at work,
And it started reflecting a lot in our personal friendship, outside work too.

Decided to cut the friendship and only be colleagues.

Did the same happen to someone else? Did you lose a friend because of things like this?

Me and my friends are having a all nighter coding sesh, because the presention day was near, then my friend's mom ordered some pizza. We had set a rule where, everytime someone finish a functionality/module, that someone can get one pizza. I can totally say it was a productive night, and the presentation went unexpectedly well.

I actually enjoy helping out my non-IT friends with IT related problems from time to time. I feel useful when I do so :/

I was using chrome + Android studio simultaneously on my windows. I saw 3 episodes of 'friends' while my Gradle build finished.

Sigh OK, so, my friend we'll call him z has told me he's visiting the deep Web with tor. So I immediately start asking him about what security he uses (which is 3 VPNs tired through each other).

Like no z! You don't go to the deep Web, that's where the bad things happen! 😡

Happy engineers day friends

Do ++ all engineers.

!rant

Met up with a good friend today we go off roaring all the time since we both own hooked up Jeep wranglers. Well we got together and after a fun day of crawling (no coding 😞) lol, We went to eat and I pulled up devRant and kind of mentioned how much I loved this little app and stuff and why it was about. Well turns out that I’ve been friends with this guy for sometime and we never talked profession. This guy is the Vice President to a large scale software development company here in my state!

I was dumbfounded ! Lol all this time this dude has been in the same field and I had no clue.

(I don’t get out much) 😅

Thanks! Already showed devRant to my friends.

The company I used to work for, despite me not working there contacts me to get a verification code because the crappy developer they hired can't change a couple settings on the apple website and add themselves as a developer.

At the start of this all, a couple months back I gave them the code out of courtesy, but at this point, as i'm heavily invested in the development stage of my actual job as a vr developer, I won't take time out of my day to even answer the phone for them.

But what really pisses me off is the person who contacts me, my assumbly best friend, who during the last 12 months has only called me for these codes, so work related shit or just personal shit and never to hang out or play games or generally what we used to do as friends before he got a job at that stupid company doesn't have the balls to tell his boss that i'm busy with my job, that maybe if payment was offered as an incentive that I would be happy to be contacted.

When I left that company I didn't setup anything to make it so they would have to contact me, all I did was add myself as a developer of their app. I also heavily documented everything I did, all the issues I faced and the workarounds I found, and everything including all login information needed to get things working, I went above just "developing" the app I added in all the credits to all work used in the app as partly to make sure we don't get sued for stealing someones work without the right credit.

I hate the fact that I worked for minimum wage and did all of this shit, but I never complained at all about things like the 1 1/2 hour travel time (one way I might add) to my boss, the amount of money I spent on public transportation, the little money left over that I didn't even spend and instead give to my parents.

They know nothing about how hard that year was for me, and if they want to get this code, my so called friend can come chat in person, in his off time and when I'm done working on my own shit and we can discuss terms because this shit is just not fair at all.

Me: I hate Windows/PHP/Gradle builds/etc

Other devRanters: Did we just became friends?

Me: friends is undefined. Please go to StackOverflow for undefined error.

*I'm still socially awkward*

Fuck I need some friends.. Real friends