someBoolean = (condition1 && condition2 ) ? true : false;

O.M.G....

Why is live user data in the staging environment?! 😬😳

Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification

Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.

Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?

Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again

Manager: Everyone will be required to switch to Mac in the next couple of months.

Dev: Um, why?

Manager: Macs are more professional and developer focused than windows machines, I read it in an article. Plus they look way nicer.

Dev: Half of the applications we use don’t have a version that works on iOS.

Manager: What? How do you know?

Dev: I have a Mac for occasionally doing some work on the iOS app we support. I ran into that when I was setting it up as a development environment.

Manager: You have a Mac?

Dev: Yes

Manager: Why? How come you don’t use it for development?

Dev: …

Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day

Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system

Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days

Dev: I use a different password for each service.

Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!

Dev: …

Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!

Dev: …

Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?

Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.

Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.

Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.

Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!

Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.

Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.

Dev: …

Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?

*Manager leaves the meeting*

// *****************************

Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.

Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.

Dev: That PR is not finished yet

Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.

Dev: …

**at daily standup

Dev: and along with a push to production that is what I’ll be doing today

Manager: Good good, alright, nice….. ok who else hasn’t gone yet? Dev how about you go next

Dev: …I literally just went

Manager: What? Well what did you say then? Hey when is that push to prod happening? I feel like there should be one happening sometime soon.

Dev: …

Manager: I can’t believe you use Linux, that is such an outdated operating system. You need to get with the times and move to a more modern one like Windows or Mac. Literally NOBODY uses Linux anymore, do you still go to Blockbuster Video too? Ha!

Dev: …

I’m starting to realize that 80% of my job is resisting the urge to punch this guy in the face. Thanks goodness for remote work.

Dev2: I don’t like the way that works

Dev: Me neither. But that’s javascript baby!

Manager: How’s the progress coming along?

Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow

Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code

Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for

Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*

Dev: …

Start working on ticket
Looks at code
WTF is the shit?
Open devRant to rant
1.5 hours later
what was I doing?

The most disappointing (not so sure about upsetting) rejection was from none other than Google.

I was ecstatic when Google respond to my application by inviting me to an interview. If I recall rightly I had two pre-interview screenings, two technical interviews, and about four interviews with people. The people were great and the HR person I was dealing with was open that the feedback was all good.

And then the rejection came! I called the HR guy and asked what happened. He said there’s a central group somewhere who approve all hiring and they decided I hadn’t worked for a “big enough” company in the past.

Yet - my potential colleagues and manager thought I could do the job, I passed the Google-scale technical tests … and then some faceless person somewhere says “meh” and that’s that.

It’s not like they didn’t have my resume that whole time, or the opportunity to ask any questions they wanted !

So that sucked.

Recruiter: This is a 100% remote position

Dev: Good! That’s what I’m looking for.

Recruiter: But the company does require you to come into the office “on occasion”

Dev: I live 5 hours away from your office so that would be not a good fit

Recruiter: And once covid is over the ability to work remotely will be getting reconsidered. You’ll likely need to move cities in order to continue your employment with them.

Dev: Yeah I’m looking for 100% remote work

Recruit: This is 100% remote! Just with the need to come into the office sometimes now and potentially more later.

Dev: …