Basically

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!"

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.

What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

Why did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away

Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

We are not family.

What did the shy pebble wish for? That she was a little boulder.

Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.

the man has a point...

Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

The past tense of scream is scrum!

Some undocumented, never touched, 15 years old recursive function at the core of our business model suddenly stops working in a niche scenario, debugger is not available and I have to find out why.

I can maintain your shitty legacy node 6 code
And the shitty m3 ec2 instance with Ubuntu 16 that it runs on
And another one with postgres 9
But if I have to make a powerpoint presentation, I am jumping ship.
A man has his limits

Make something useful not everyone will utilize the thing.
Make everyone believe something absolutely necessary or give them no choice and everyone will utilize the thing.

Learning an algorithm and data structure for a month and forgetting about it after exploring a new language be like🤦

Writing an efficient, modern renderer is truly an exercise of patience. You have a good idea? Hah, fuck you, GPUs don't support that. Okay but what if I try to use this advanced feature? Eh, probably not going to support exactly what you would like to do. Okay fuck it I'm gonna use the most obscure features possible. Congratulations, it doesn't work even on the niche hardware that supports that extension

If I sound jaded, ya better believe I f*cking am! I cannot wait for more graphics cards to support features like mesh shaders so we can finally compute shader all the things and do things the way we want to god dammit

Me always...

you get a tech job ...

Java or javascript

Programmers be like...

Recursion...

While writing code...

Managers who don't code

Why can't you use "Beef stew"as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Tall tales...