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So this happened last night...
Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.
After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.24 -
I think the most annoying thing of being a programmer is to accidentally press ctrl + s on a browser because of having been saving so much36
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Made a really cool spinning animation on a button that submits a form...
API Call is too fast to see it
setTimeout18 -
So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.
Backstory:
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.
(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)
According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.
It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.13 -
My boss just revised my report and sent it back with new file names. Memes have officially infiltrated the workplace.
8 -
Girlfriend: "My computer is so slow!"
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"
Girlfriend: "That's not funny, I actually need help."
Me: "Okay babe, I know you think I'm being an ass right now or tying to be funny, but honest to god half of what pays rent here and buys you so many flowers is me telling people to turn something of and then on again. Just try it."
Girlfriend: *Restarts computer*... "You were right..."29 -
Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"
*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*
Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.
Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"
*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*12 -
My CEO: "So! You are the new guy we hired to design and manage the implementation of our new state of the art super-duper fancy ERP solution with badass Business Intelligence systems to grow our company which already spans over several localities across the county, that has to live for at least the next 12-15 years?
Please remember that the Windows Server in the rack in the basement needs replacement soon, and that our new fancy solution must not in any way utilize cloud-technology or SaSS! I don't like that! I think it's a scam! We store everything on premises, own our infrastructure and we buy our software...Because I think that is best!"
Me: "So... let me get this straight: You want me to build you a one-off, concept sports car that can outperform a Lamborghini using only plywood, duct-tape and a donkey cart?"
He walked off... I may need a new job next week!14 -
Boss: "If I double-click this button, the modal it opens flicker once for 0.00001 seconds?!?!?!?"
Me: "Ya... It opens two modals. It doesn't break anything, it looks normal except the flickering"
Boss: "It's no good!"
Me: "I've got a solution; don't fucking double click. It's a fucking website."
Boss: "IT'S NOT A WEBSITE. IT'S A SYSTEM"
Me: "It's a fucking website" *Exits room, trying not to strangle the boss".12 -
Boss: "I need you to program tool-1, tool-2 and tool-3"
Me: *creates tool-1*
Boss: "Why did you make tool-1? I needed tool-3 done by now"
Maybe you should have told me that 🙃5 -
Do you reckon there could be other rant boards out there? Developers can't be the only people with problems... AccountantRant? TruckieRant? PainterRant?
...PresidentRant? Oh wait, that's his Twitter...8 -
I am a programmer, and if you ask me to fix your pc, I accept the challenge... After all, I can Google a problem and implement a solution like no other, you are right to have come to me.5
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Morning Deployment.
Me: Let's add this application to this server.
Deployer: Alright.
...
D: Done. Please verify.
Me: I'm seeing errors. Send me the logs.
D: Sure. I also updated the framework to a version that wasn't tested.
M: Yeah, that won't work. Roll it back.
D: Fine.
...
D: Done. Please verify.
M: All the applications on the box are broken. Please revert to the snapshot before the Deployment.
D: Oops, I didn't make one.
🙁😟😢😭😤2 -
never had problems with windows,
joined devRant and read about problems,
now I have problems with windows.6 -
Me: "sorry boss I have a burnout, I don't feel to..."
Boss: "which part of the project you can't do?"
Me: "is a burnout, I can't go..."
Boss: "cmon it's easy!"
Me: "..."
8 months without proper holidays produce this.10 -
I code through the night until 8 am, then sleep until 6pm+.
My family then calls me out as being unproductive and lazy.
Why must the whole world be oriented against night owls like me? 😥13 -
New boss rant here!
Boss: Can you give me an estimate for a new project that we willbe running?
Dev: Oh yes I have already calculated at approximately three months.
Boss: Thats great start on it!
3 months laters....
Boss: Why did it take so much? I feel like our productivity sucks.
Dev:...5 -
When I get home, my wife will probably tell me about all the fun things she did with the kids today. She'll tell me about all the frustrating things they did too and stories about how they made her almost pull her own hair out.
Then 20 minutes later she'll ask me how my day was and I'll say, "Oh, I dunno. I worked on a really hard SQL query today..."3 -
Gf: Which way do you round 4.5 up or down?
Me: (int)4.5;
Gf: Ffs the proper way!
Me: Math.Round(4.5);
Gf: Fuck off.12 -
Non-dev boss: "so, what are you working on today?"
Me: "I'm working on the API"
Non-dev boss: "that's what you said last week! Why aren't you progressing?"
💢5 -
!=Rant
Does any one else presses cmd+c / ctr+c multiple times just in case the first one did not work?!?12 -
Manager Logic: The project is behind, we have brought on additional managers to satisfy the client. 😲 The fuck is a manager going to do? "Meetings! We need more meetings to ensure the deadline is met."2
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“Can’t you just open up my iPhone right now and check what’s wrong with it??”
My response: “See, you already know what to do! Since it’s so easy, why don’t you just do it yourself?” -
The problem with me programming lately :
Mom: foooood is ready...
Me: Will be there in a minute. (deep inside I know that's a lie).
5 minutes later...⏰
Mom: food is getting cold!
Me: Yes I'm coming, testing one last thing...I swear !
30 min later I'll join the table...The guilt 😩 I'm sorry mommy 🙏
Anybody else with the same problem? 😅12 -
My boss likes to measure the spacing between DOM elements using a ruler to make sure everything is proportional.
I forgot to remove some padding on an element so it wasn't exactly centered, so he comes in and says...
"the padding on the site is off, I think you need to use this" *drops ruler on desk*
Now I have to keep this stupid ruler on my desk because whenever I forget to align something he says... "that's why I gave you the ruler"
Too difficult to explain to these subhumans that I don't need a ruler to write proper css8 -
Once a while when I got brilliant idea of application in my head.
- open IDE
- write hello world
- close IDE
Month later wondering wtf was this about.2 -
So boss finds out that a competitors app has a youtube vid making half a million views.
His response to the lead dev: make one video like that!
Lead: But that video needs at least a video editor to make it, a professional and at least a couple thousands euros.
Boss: you are my best dev just do it, I believe in you...
Worst part is that he tried he made a couple hundred views and boss dissed him that he is useless. Go figure!10 -
Get really motivated to make something at 1am.
Pulls out laptop, earphones go in.
Types first line of code, girlfriend wakes up, complains about the lowest screen brightness with dark theme being too bright.
Motivation killed.6 -
You don't have a problem if you go to stack overflow to find a solution to something. You have a problem if you go to stack overflow and CANT FIND the solution.4
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Not the equipment I deserve, but the equipment I can afford. My phone has better specs than it...
12 -
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: "i know, i'll solve it with threads!".
have Now problems. two they2 -
My laptop started making faint high-pitched noises - I hope I misheard and it's actually just some coil singing inside the power-supply and not one of the disks/something else - also, I seem to have dropped 4GB of RAM suddenly where there should be 8GB.
(Also, I should really wipe the messed up dual-boot still residing on disk from last semester and replace it by a fresh arch-only install. (No time and joy in debugging that right now.) Probably something for tomorrow evening.)
The device is ~8 years old by now and starting to fall apart - nothing duct tape can't fix - but I'm somewhat worried about the rest right now. D:
Meh, I really need that laptop during the next two weeks, I just hope the hardware doesn't die on me in the meantime because I can't wait for an order to arrive, let alone afford some cheap replacement.11 -
I am so fucking sleepy. Haven't slept since the last 20 hours.
Trying to change my habit of sleeping late. Have tried to fix it but it always finds a way to go back to late night.34 -
Shopping for computers is so fun and relaxing than shopping for makeup.
So here's the scenario...
I walked into a makeup store and I was looking for lipstick. I was wearing my devRant shirt, jeans, and a laptop backpack. A sales lady approached me and just stared. She didn't even ask what I was looking for. The way she looked at me made me feel that I don't belong there. She should've just left me alone than giving a judgemental look. I got intimidated so I looked at her and gave the biggest smile, then fleed. I panicked. I salute those female developers who doesn't have problems shopping for girly stuff!
For the record, my sister encouraged me to wear a little makeup so that I don't look stressed. That made me decide to go to that makeup store. I'd rather order online now.
It's so hard to not be girly by nature.18 -
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
Us: •.•3 -
$ sudo apt install happiness
Collecting happiness
Error : no happiness package found for your system
$ sudo apt uninstall problems
Error : even sudo can't remove your problems from your system
WAIT !!!! WHAT???3 -
Every 20 minutes, the newcome colleague asks me a question to which he can get an answer by reading the language's tutorial.10
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I wrote code yesterday, that functions the way it is supposed to.
I do not understand my code today.8 -
when you release an update and everyone starts to see problems with functions you didn't even touch
4 -
So my parents were at this meeting were they should watch a video, person one wanted to play the video from his computer but guess what happened:
Person one has windows on his computer. Windows wants to update. Person one clicks on update in three days.
Windows be like 🖕I'll start updating now.
Person two decides to play the video on his computer instead.
He has windows too. It could've worked fine, but a cable is missing or something.
Person three has a MacBook. Person three tries to play the video. It could've worked fine but he doesn't know how to enable subtitles and without them they cannot watch it.
So they ended up watching the video a day later after the computer of person one had updated itself.3 -
Boss: how long would it take you to make an app with this tool you have never seen before?
Me: idk, I've never used that.
Boss: OK so how long?
Me:.. Uh.. 3 weeks?
Boss: you got 2 weeks. Start tomorrow.
Me:... OK then..
Inner me: why does he even ask?
...Fml6 -
If someone had ever gave me a chance to choose between taming a dragon and mastering CSS.
I'd be father of 2 dragons by now.4 -
Stuck at a concert for band my girlfriend likes on a Friday night... so many side projects could be worked on right now1
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So, I'm studying computer engineering in school, so a lot of people have decided I'm the tech one in the group and come to me with all there computer problems.
I'm constantly explaining basic things about their computers, how to exit vim, why using git is a lot easier then having 100 versions of files, how to change directories from the terminal. Simple things like that and while I normally don't mind, all these people are also in computer engineering and should really know all this stuff too.8 -
Rant!!
Fuuuuuuuuuuccccccckk this new dev hired is such a dick he keeps on not testing his own code for simple things and expects everyone else to test it on local and tell him his bugs.7 -
two days before I complained of lower back pain. raised a concern in office as its due to long sitting hours and got a chair today with great lumbar support. :)3
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I keep putting my phone between my mouse and the wireless receiver and every time it makes it hard to move the cursor because of the blockage. So annoying!!3
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I hate setting up case statements cause it's hard to cover every case. What if a virus puts a gun to my programs head? What if my program is at a cache party and chrome offers it weed? What if my program isn't gay, but $20 is $20?2
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//Today 8:41 am
Mom: Son, the printer is messed up again(for the 12th time)
Me: Mom, again I don't know whats wrong with it
Mom: but you did computers and stuff
Me: send me a picture
// I go buy the same exact model i replace it.
Mom: Son, why is it black?
Me: :/1 -
Yesterday
Boss: Can you export the foo data and send it to me?
Me: Sure
Me (later): Ok, just shared foo.csv with you. It should have everything you need, just let me know if you need the bar data.
Boss: OK, thanks.
Today
Boss: Did you get the foo data exported?
Me: Yes, I shared that with you yesterday
Boss: What did you name it?
This is all in a chat, by the way, not in person. Scrolling for 1.5 seconds reveals all the relevant information.
How do I respond in a way that is not sarcastic and does not belittle my boss? I'm not sure it's even possible.2 -
At work we have a....err....pool of usefulness awareness situation.
You see. The school does not know all that me and the lead developer does. Our head of department does. Our manager used to do(fore she left) but as far as the rest of the 2 fucking campuses are concerned, all of our shit works through magical dwarves that live inside the servers in our server rooms.
Normally, we are fine with this. But whenever one of us misses, or decides to take the day off and some shit hits the fan...THEN and only then do our users know what we do.
So we have a "pool" of items that seem to be picked every time one of us is not there. The more it gets picked, the more people are aware of us, the more they figure out what we do...the more they start to ask for customization and shit like that.
Such a funny situation. Wonder if this will get in the way of friday morning coffee and magic the Gathering at the office.
Or me and the cms admin playing videogames together.
Oh well -
When your daily scrum takes an hour because your senior developer co-worker gives unnecessary and incredibly detailed updates...
"Well, first I tried hiding the button, but it wouldn't come up when I needed it to, so then I made an options menu, but the sliding transition was difficult to implement, so then I..."7 -
Working as a software engineer but: co-workers randomly walk into my office to ask me <<insert random IT problem (i.e. mouse not working etc.)>> while I'm deeply focused programming. Trying to close my office door results in co-workers backbiting...
Why can't they just go to the IT administrator who's work it is to handle their fucking problems?3 -
So, just started my new job (stoked btw). At the last interview - boss: what kind of OS do you work on?
Me: I'm a simple guy who uses windows and notepad++
First day at work - get a brand spankin' new macbook and endure the most unproductive day ever...19 -
I was freaking out today when a program I have to demo in two days suddenly stopped working correctly. Turned out not that bad when I found my dog added some characters to the server address in the config file when I laid my computer on the bed last night.2
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Windows...:
Problemsolver could not be opened because there was a problem...
Thanks! That totally fixed it🙃🔫4 -
So RelianceJio is offering LTE at rates as low as $1 for 1GB data. And totally free calls on its internal network. No roaming too. Promo offer including everything free for 3 months.
And me. I own a 3G device. 🤕🤒17 -
Compared to some developers our problems are acute. Compared to some developers our problems are very cute.
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Anyone else make the weirdest workarounds ever to trivial framework problems. Then read documentation to find out that there was a function for that...
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That kind of boss who give you a task one minute before you leave your desk to home.
Me inside: I hate you, very much, sir.3 -
Ever encrypt files on a USB drive before?
Ever do that then forget the password you used for the encryption?
Yep... 😭11 -
Should I build a microATX thing instead of current ATX just to be able to put it in a smaller box? 🤔29
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Have to go to the bathroom super bad...
Sit on the toilet...
About to to my thing...
Think about that bug I need to fix in a project that's due today...
Sphincter tightens in response to the stress...
I guess I'll try again after I fix the problem.4 -
Ya know what I hate? People who always find an excuse to let people know about their problems or if they are vegan.
Every time I'm like, THANKS! DIDN'T ASK!4 -
I seriously hate email problems with a passion. Like even when I step through every setting, checking things one by one. Everything seems fine, yet my clients email is getting rejected incoming and out and the only error is basically whoops it bounced! pretty much anything could've cause this.. yeah that's very helpful.7
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When your egghead boss (who is a dev, BTW) fails miserably in understanding that JavaScript fetch does not behave like the default synchronous nature of requests in Python.
After failing to make him learn about the asynchronous nature of JavaScript promises, he ends the discussion by saying "that's why python is better than js"
*facepalm*2 -
When you just need 2 points more for that rubber duck and you need the duck zo bad :/
"rubber duck why wont my code compile"
~squeek
"... " -
What to do when you have no more faith in your capabilities and it feels like your ambition and drive to dev just kinda died... Thinking of becoming a cashier or restocking shelves at wallmart... (-_-)7
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Boss yelled at lead mobile dev for low productivity because the project manager present him wrong timetables and added accidentally one more week of work.
Next day boss yelled at the lead mobile dev cause the back end wasnt working well.
Project manager and lead back end developer enjoy life! Front is hell :P5 -
Entering the password before your laptop fully wakes up, than having to delete what it did register and login again9
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So apparently the CIO knows all about my team lead sucking it up as a boss, and is letting him do it. He's constantly on the team leads ass about stuff and it's stressing him out.
The CIO wants him to stop being so micro managey and let the team handle things... But instead of telling the team lead that, he'd rather just blast him constantly and stress him out which makes it roll onto us and stress the whole team out.
I wish the CIO would just tell him to square up or just fire him... This stress isn't good for anyone. -
When your old boss is too lazy to write a LinkedIn recommendation for you, and tells you to write it on his behalf and then mail it to him so he can post... Hmm... 🤔2
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Things I would like to accomplish someday but will probably never get around to:
- Cure cancer
- End world hunger
- Fix my .vimrc6 -
I seriously hate it when people expect me to know every. Single. Thing. About their computer just because I know how to format a usb... Honestly I think the lack of formal computer education in schools (at least in America) is gonna screw us over in the long run...🤔1
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I have this coworker who praises himself or being vegan an caring a lot about the world and his health, but smokes and drinks quite a lot. He also is very friendly with everyone but then he privately complains about them with me and goes back to be friendly.
I could ignored this behavior until it started affecting me. Now he is just passive aggressive with everyone, including me. The kind of guy who sends a slightly bitter comment with a wink at the end almost everyday. The kind of guy who will talk to you non-stop like he is your best friend and next morning don't even look at you. The one who will try to teach you some lesson whenever you say something publicly (which he did tons of times and ended up fucking up because he had no idea what he was talking about).
I feel like ignoring him from now on no matter what he says, because he is only waiting for the perfect opportunity to make you feel like a not caring human being so he can keep standing out and controlling everyone. Yes, if you ever try to organize something, he will make sure to criticize you.
So... that's it.2 -
My boss just yelled at our devops guy because he caught the DO intern watching Twitch while he was eating lunch at his desk. Why even care?2
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The akward moment your boss asks if you finished implementing all the business rules when he didnt reply at the last hundreds of emails that you sent about specifying what are those rules!
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At my last gig I was working at a small ISP and my boss was asking why our throughput went to shit every time he checked the router web ui. I told him it was because the web server on the router uses up a lot of CPU time, and that meant the router couldn't process as many packets since it uses that same CPU for well routing, nat, firewall rules etc...so it's probably best to use the CLI instead. Boss says, "YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" And continues to destroy throughput by looking at the web ui.
TL;DR Boss yelled at me for telling him how things work. Yay.1 -
!Dev
I dislike the idea of therapists. I mean, not the people who study human behaviour to help understand it but the people who try to "fix" another person's problems.
My reason for this is that they're human themselves and I'd say it's pretty obvious that we don't know exactly how the mind works so it's basically like trying to fix an airplane with only half or even less of the blueprints.
The reason I don't like them being human themselves is because we are fallible, you can't guarantee or at least have a extremely high probability of the same prevention or treatment rate as you maybe could with a computer. It's not repeatable. Then again, we don't have the "blueprints" so to speak so it's kind of hard to say.
Your thoughts?5 -
Fuck.. it is hard to stick to "learn-by-doing" when you are not a creative person, and you lack the ideas to go on.
I don't feel like I am learning efficiently enough with reading books..5 -
one of those days where the boss has his weekly amnesia and completely forgot an agreed feature discussion.. sigh..8
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Third party vendor whose shitty API we have to use as part of our application blocks our account IN PRODUCTION without even telling us every time they have a slowdown because of course it must be us. Yeah, I didn't want to go home anyway🖕1
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My favourite part of every support email chain about a piece of "missing functionality":
"Theoretically since <other software> allows you to <some stupid functionality>, then <your software> should do it too"1 -
So I just got into computer science College after a long period of being exited as all hell. Letting my dreams run wild with all the people that I'll meet and how we'll share information and debate over serious issues. less than a week into college I find out that people don't know shit and some of them are asking : "where are the brackets on the keyboard" while others ask what's the difference between Gmail and mail...............
I was devastated. (still am)5 -
That moment when you simply can't find a solution to a specific dev problem and you urgently need to finish your code..... I know the feeling.
1 -
So my Dell laptop has been freezing for a couple of weeks.
I thought it was the Slack desktop app that was causing it, so I uninstalled it. Still froze.
So I did a whole bunch of things on it to try to fix it, even restarting Windows 10. Still froze.
Then I thought it was the Dropbox app that was causing it, so I disabled it from starting up when I turn on the laptop. For a while, the laptop didn't freeze.
Then my desktop computer started freezing too from time to time. I was like, "WTF!"
It could be the Windows Update that's causing it, because there was an update going on around the time the freeze-ups happened. Now my laptop is on the "Getting Windows ready, Don't turn off your computer" screen after hard-booting it.7 -
on one hand- got a new job, on the other hand getting a new MacBook pro just before they release a new generation2
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You know you are stepping up when your problems are issues on GitHub rather than questions on StackOverflow.1
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Back when Microsoft was in your face about updating to Windows 10, my friend decided to update his *brand new*<(key word) laptop to Windows 10. Soon after the update he was getting an error message saying that his graphics card is missing. 😐
2 -
Just got a new job.
All good, really enjoying it.
Only problem is, the canteen smells of chips and it's making me very hungry... Water for me :/9 -
How do you deal with a boss that is not very intelligent, but fights you, your team, executive management and project stakeholders on critical system design decisions?
Everyone else is worn out, the project is long overdue and I'm running out of energy, myself. Do I just do what everyone else does and let him have his way and prepare myself to deal with the imminent problems ahead, or do I keep fighting for a well designed system that customers will enjoy using?16 -
My over promising boss is upset that something that used to work doesn't work now because support decided it had to be changed. We took it apart to rebuild it and it's only partially finished right now. Says he can't show it to clients like this. Well no we told you it wouldn't be ready for the deadline you forced upon us, even before the requested changes, but instead of listening you tell us not to argue and just get it done.3
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When I was still in school my teacher used to yell at me and mark me down because I use to mistakenly end my sentences with semi-colons;3
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It would be much easier when a NullPointerException would log also what is null. Instead of just the line.... with multiple possibilities........5
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I want to be productive, stop giving me this hunger and sleepy debuff.
Douche body, totally killing my flow -
Company uses Trello to track bugs and features the devs are doing.
End of the week the PM: "So what bugs and features did you work on this week?"
If only there was a platform that we could track all these things... 🤦♂️1 -
!rant
Now and then, my friends and I have a #FirstWorldGeekProblems.
Such as, left my good earphones at home, making do with a cheap £1 pair.
What's your FirstWorldGeekProblems?5 -
Me and new guy are working on something. We're both in different countries.
New guy just graduated a couple of months ago. Thinks he's better than us, egoistic, refuses to accept his mistake. Cannot work well in a team and arrogant. Basically a package.
I fucking spent 3 hrs trying to look for a bug in my code, which doesn't exist in the first place. Because he's a lazy fuck and refuses to even accept that he might've made a bug (evident from the fact that his first reaction was to blame me and second reaction was to verify his code)
And he doesn't have the decency to admit that he made a mistake.
What's even more sad is that I've to babysit him cuz he's incompetent.
It's fucking obnoxious.3 -
I know there has been a million stories on people asking developers for free/cheap work, and having this happen constantly is probably one of the biggest ways coding has impacted my life, but it happened to me for the umpteenth time this morning and I'm still reeling from it.
A close friend of mine asked me to create a bespoke website for her new business. I currently work as a Software/Web Developer so I assume this made sense in her head to ask her friend first.
She gave me some requirements and seeing as I already had a figure in mind, I asked for her budget. She says - 'I don't want to say a figure and insult you with it being too low'.
I tell her I'll work out a figure that benefits both of us, seeing as I would be using this as experience to try out some new stuff and she doesn't want it done until January. Because of this I was already going to give her a great deal on it anyway (in comparison to what it would be if I charged her through the company) because it would practically be a project I'd work on if I had a spare evening.
She said, and I quote: 'We preferably don't want to spend more than £200, and if it's less that is even better'.
I think I was actually more insulted that she thinks something I do for a living is worth £200 or less.
She thinks that designing, programming and writing content for a website is worth < £200.
I think she'll be shocked when I give her the quote that I had in mind. Looks like she'll be getting a WiX website or something for that kind of money.3 -
*At the Maker Faire in Milwaukee; I’m looking at a computer with a friend that his brother built*
Old Guy: This is pretty cool! You guys should start a YouTube channel. Look, you even have a pretty girl who can show it off!
Friend: *looks at me awkwardly* Or you can, you know, be a programmer too...
😑😑😑4 -
I sometimes hate my boss (CTO in a medium sized company). Despite that he is a real genius, he changes his mind every fucking day, only because he has 'thought through' a fucking problem which should not be in his concerns. That is my job you fucktard! You haven't been coding for 20 years and now you tell me how to do my job. But then when I need valuable input from you, you SKIP my scheduled MEETINGS FOR WEEKS!
JUST LET ME DO MY JOB, I'M NO IDIOT, BUT YOU GIVE ME THAT FEELING THAT I AM ONE!1 -
Last time I had a cup of hot water instead of coffee. This time I have 2 cups of coffee on my table. Can you remind me what's life?
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Me solving a problem x
Open google types
Me: {
"How to's x ...."
}
google: {
dev overflow first result: very complicated solution
result 2: Even more complicated
result 3: Out of topic
... Irrelevant
}
Me: {
"Google's: Why x sucks" // To see if we are many victims
}
google: {
"Returns all positive reviews of x"
}
Me: Bitter, Confused and in denial -
Me: Ok, this sounds like a good idea, however we need to consult the Act to ensure we're not breaking any laws by requesting this new information and making it mandatory.
Boss: I am trying to ensure good database management and data design principles, why can't you just agree with me?
Me:... I agree with you... But changing up the process like this may put us in hot water, let's just check to ensure we're good on the legal front --
Boss: The law is just a guide. My primary concern and your concern should be the design of this database and ensuring we stick to good data management principles!
Me and other technical staff: 👀6 -
The thing that is common between my boss and my girlfriend is none of 'em understand what I actually want or want to say and always misunderstood me.6
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When you have a dev domain, yet your senior developer coworkers still add "Dev" to their app names..
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The worst part about owning a non Nexus Android phone is the long wait for the next version of Android. I want 7.0 but I'm not even sure if my s7 edge on Sprint will get it before the year is over
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My productivity is dying for want of a second monitor. I've been hooking up a new-ish HP external LCD to my brand new HP Spectre laptop. Every time I do this, the laptop soon locks up. Won't launch programs, won't even let me click the Windows button to restart. Have to hard reset and go back to single 15" screen. THEY'RE THE SAME BRAND?! WHY ARENT THEY COMPATIBLE?!4
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Typical development cycle:
Spend hours trying to think of a solution to a problem.
Get epiphany and implement possible solution.
Be afraid to compile it in case of bugs or errors4 -
I don't know what's wrong with me..
Within one day I basically lost interest in everything I do. I just don't see the point of all this anymore.
And the bad thing is, that I don't even know where that comes from so suddenly, everything is going fine, but still.. Life just feels like pain at the moment.
Don't want do drag down someone else with me and I sincerely apologise if it's too late to mention it at this point, just hope that maybe someone here can understand what's going on or give me some advice on how to fix my situation.7 -
I just oversleeped...
Im not a dev yet, i have a contract job at the factory.
I have worked 1month already from 3 that i singned up for.
The worst thing is that i said i need a day off to give specific papers for my university. It was supposed to be today but i moved it tomorrow due to the problem with transport.
Well my superior is propably realy angry right now... On the bright side i will have 2 days off...
I wont get fired (hopefully) because as contract job they should only substracy the daily pay from my monthly salary.
This is my first time that im late for a real job. My intuition says that i should go but i wouldnt bear the shame... If i were to go i would be late minimaly 2 hours. I have no idea what to do... I will propably stay home and lose the daily payment because im not strong enough to bear the shame today. It would be very difficult to get in the company as well. Ahhhhh! Its difficult to make decisions when you are shy, lazy and scared.5 -
Usual python code problems coming from someone who has been coding in Javascript and PHP (<--no pitchforks please). It's been months already but old habits still keep on coming back
- adding a semi-colon
- mixing spaces with tabs
- using a lowercase boolean
- adding an open brace when declaring a function
- forgetting the colon ( ;'s brother) -
So I have an ancient PC at home that has been refusing to boot for the past 3 days. It somehow magically worked this morning and THE POWER WENT OUT FOR 1 MILLISECOND WHILE I WAS WORKING AND IT'S NOT WORKING ANYMORE GODDAMMIT FLUCTUATIONS WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME
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My next project is a functional fitness/crossfit application and my client requires me to attend and participate sessions with them in order for me to understand and appreciate the sport. I got the point but OMG I only know sports via tv,youtube,etc.. and not really fun of socializing. I might die doing this project. Help me!4
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So the company I work at is moving to a new location. We are a small company, so we were all talking about potential problems with the move - network, internet, firewalls, access to servers and so on. Us trying to cover all possible scenarios.
Our CTO looks up and says: “or we could just cross our fingers and hope for best”.
WTF🤯3 -
We had to upload our school project on the website. At first the website sent mail with password to us. Website's servers were really slow. Our teacher who teach us language came to me and said:
"Still nothing? Have you tried restart your laptop?"
In that moment I just stood up run away from schoolroom and started laughing. -
If you could solve *one* of the major unresolved problems in computer science, which one would you choose and *why*?16
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Him: "I'm updating a site and I'm trying to find the REST endpoints you put out to replace the SOAP services"
Me: "Send me a list of endpoints it's using and I'll tell you what the new ones are"
Him: "Here's a list of the endpoints. The ones I've found are in bold"
Me: "Here's the new list."
Him: "Why did you only fill out the ones I'm not using?"
So, FML, he sent me a list of everything in the WSDL and bolded the ones he "found" in his code. And I'm the asshole for getting frustrated that he wasted 30 minutes of my time. -
Ehh.....
Another day of problems with Windows, just removed 96 unsafe files (Trojans, Malware, Adware etc.)...
At first, Defender refused to work with me, I tried to remove that with Defender (which found just 7 treats), but 'remove' or 'quarantine' didn't work, so I downloaded Malwarebytes and now works fine. Still, some minor problems, gonna format this crap soon...or maybe it's time to move to Linux or macOS finally? 🤔9 -
Create something that will take humanity forward. Not just a utility software but make things that'll help solve the biggest problems humans as a society face - poverty, hunger, loneliness, pollution etc. All these problems are on my radar.
The idea is to use science to solve social problems. And not just stop at that. Make things that will help humans evolve into the next evolutionary phase.2 -
CSS is truly difficult for me sometimes xD Just when I think Ive got it figured out, I have an extra padding or margin space that shouldn't be there and cant seem to be removed.4
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!rant
I actually need a bit of advice here. As some of you may know of you've read any of my previous rants, I'm in my first development job. I've been learning for around 18 months in my spare time and the job has been crazy so far. My boss isn't tech at all and he's very demanding but the opportunity to learn and earn is huge here.
My issue is the fact that he is CONSTANTLY trying to talk to me through every day. I get texts, emails, WhatsApp, Facebook and if I don't reply immediately I get several messages and a "You need to communicate better" message soon after. I'm fucking sick of it. If I'm busy, if I'm WORKING, I don't look at my phone. I can't communicate constantly and it's even on weekends and evenings he expects me to respond immediately.
My gut is telling me to quit. I've been here three months and I'm already feeling burned out. I've had to learn a lot of C#/ASP.NET and now Python/Django within a matter of weeks at best. He doesn't understand how difficult that is or how impossible it is to expect someone to do that who's been learning for such a short amount of time.
I guess my question is, do I just quit? And if so, how do I go about doing so in the best manner?5 -
First World problems. Do I upgrade my 120gb (with 40gb free) to a 256 or replace my 1tb platter (700gv free) with a 500gb SSD.6
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My company just hired an older coworker that uses a flip phone 😳
Idk wether to be concerned or scared ..... 😩15 -
Fellow dev: I am trying to put a joomla site in git.. Maybe you can help
Me: Sure what's the problem.
Fellow dev: I added the .gitignore file but when I clone the site onto the server all the files in the .gitignore are missing.
Me: Any files you add to git ignore are ignored by .git.
Me: Dies a little bit inside, is guy has been working with for over a year. -
When I'm on lunch I stop coding to watch other people code on youtube. Does anyone else have this problem?1
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Looks like I'll be forced to buy Surface Pro 4 instead of macbook pro.
Amazons pricing is disappointing13 -
That moment when teacher asks students if someone is programming and you dont wanna raise your hand because your classmates are assholes so you just sit in silence and then for no obvious reasons regret that you didnt raise your hand.
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I've gotten a list of 19 change requests for software I didn't write. Most involve adjusting everything from layout to database layer. Half I barely understand because of special terms or am missing important details (communication went through a third person who gave me the list someone penned down during a meeting). Can only get feedback on my questions in 3 days.
Also: "This isn't supposed to be a 30 day project, just do it all very quick".
Am I wrong in thinking this is slightly unreasonable? -
So.. I'm migrating a physical server to a virtual (Hyper-V) one.
The physical server is running Windows Server 2008 R2 with IIS6 and Windows SQL Server 2012.
I've set up a VM with Windows Server 2016, IIS10 and Windows SQL Server 2017.
I'm testing with just moving 1 db at a time (we have about 20, 1 per client running this software and a few others) and I've already imported all of the IIS sites.
So the database import and IIS import went smoothly and was surprisingly without hassle but now I'm trying to run the website that I imported the database for and it is throwing 503 Errors at me.
I've been trying to find out the cause but for some reason IIS isn't making any logs.
It's not any 64/32bit system problems (they're both x64) and I can't seem to find anything wrong with the imported config.
Anyone got any ideas?18 -
Boss: how long would that feature take?
Me: About 2 weeks to implement and test.
Boss: hmm, can it be done it 1 week instead?
Me: .....3 -
Systems guy: this is how you slow down development projects. By tying design to a software development ticket.
Software guy: yeah but that's how you get reminded to do the work and tie a design requirement to the software development effort in the ticket.
Systems: why do I need to be reminded of my design work?
Me: because you're a year behind software and at this point you are just documenting what software has already done?
Sometimes I feel like the design guys don't understand that if they want to be involved in the process they need to NOT keep us waiting until right up against the deadline to give us the design. -
how many times did anyone come across a bug that you mentally try and regurgitate over and over to find an explanation for but just ended up saying : fuck it! ?
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Dealing with an annoying client with python:
Client email: " Help. I can't install [words] for [reasons]! "
Auto reply: " Hi [client], did you try turning it off and on again?"1 -
Soo, lets talk about deadlines and how often I come in trouble when there is one near. This week I have (had) three. So I had a lot of problems this week.
But, after all today was a really good day.
I deleted an production database, fucked up my laravel migrations and tomorrow we have to deploy another application. The app is still in development and the site isn´t finished yet.
Friday I need to launch another webapplication. Because I don't want to deploy webapps and apps on friday and I go snowboarding next week, I somehow convinced my client to launch it next week. He agreed with me, so that's a burden off my shoulder. And I'll have an extra day for fixing the last bugs.
Today I worked really hard and almost finished the last application. So I think after all I'll somehow manage it.1 -
Macbook pro is - at least where I live - considered expensive. Some of my friends have cheaper cars. I really hesitate to buy even a 2015 version, as thats the one I want. Im thinking about buying a used one ffs.
Now yesterday im chatting with this girl, exchanging nudes and so, when on one of her pictures I saw the apple logo, a macbook, I bet its an air, no its a pro, god damnit. So I asked her, that laptop is that yours? She said yes, she buyd it a few years ago with money she collected, because she photographs a lot (dah) and its really good to photoshop on that thing.
Ffs I want one for my work, which pays well, actually I can buy a brand new macbook with one month salary, why am I having these problems deciding? Am I the only one, again?
Wtf is wrong with me5 -
Boss just repositioned the security camera we use to watch the front door right behind me, with perfect view of me and my monitor.....micro manage much....2
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Note to self, selecting text to copy it into the paste buffer only works in the terminal. It doesn't work in chrome...2
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fucking web hosts blocking all SMTP ports outgoing, forcing me to use PHP mail from their shitty blacklisted IP's.
Since I can't use a web api to send the mail Iended up setting up my home server to forward port 53 back out to the mail server, alot of hassle to get mail working :(14 -
how do you develop/transition to microservices when the company does not even have developers for the core systems? all systems are either developed by or bought from software vendors. they just go and decide that they want microservices. SMH!
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Designer: Here's your InDesign file for that webpage that needs to go up today.
Me: InDesign is for print yo. I have to pull all these assets into Photoshop anyway -
There are so many.. but probably my worst was when I was building this project and optimizing it for mobile but for some reason when in mobile view, there was a slight white line on the right side when swiping right or zooming out (shouldnt be able to zoom out either).. checked all the media queries and viewport code and everything was normal so it drove me crazy for a few hours. Turns out, I had 1 little element slightly wider than the viewport but you couldnt tell by looking at it xD fixed the css, but still so frustrating.1
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When you wake up on a sat, log in to your emails to share with your bosses a new hacking framework just out that can decode encrypted strings, and no one replies because it's the weekend
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Money burned! Just bought a voucher for the Java certification exam
- like this will help solve all my problems :/3 -
started by writing a perl script to crawl a website. The problem with that, is the fact ot affected the way I program. And not in a g/ood/i way.
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Fuck when the app builds on everyone else's machine in the company but yours and you have no idea why. I pulled the same branch from the source control, made sure everything was right, even tried just copying it directly from a co-worker's machine but it just won't fucking work. Fuck you extjs for not letting me work for now almost 5 hours. Fuck you.2
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Atm we're merging everything straight up to production because we only have our first client going live tomorrow. No problem except for the fact boss is using production to give demos to clients already. And so some JavaScript change that broke search made it to production and cropped up during a demo. So what does boss do? Call HR/support and yell at her that everything which works needs to keep working. Which is fair if we were live and we go back to merging to production being rare. So HR/support was in tears during our meeting where we were taking about the new live branch structure. GG boss. We consoled HR/support but really boss man knew how we work but ignored it.
Question for everyone though: what can we use or do to prevent changes to more general JavaScript breaking things around the code? We talked about unit tests and maybe code linters but is there more? Because it seems now might be the time to improve our working and even get budgets for tools.1 -
What will the world do without the Internet has morphed into, What will the world do without Stack Overflow?
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It’s seems like I can’t finish anything at work. I’m working on a data migration routine since last week. Almost finished but hit some Barriers, had to ask my boss for help, he finally was able to solve the problem. But then I had to move to another task, and realized I will have to change the data structure of the app after a long time working on the task. I know somethings take longer, but i feel so unproductive when I’m not finishing tasks everyday :/2
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15 mins in our weekly dev meeting, boss comes in sits down and starts talking about a project. After that he stands up and brings one of the designer in and begins to make some stuff up we could add. Are you kidding me? That is a dev meeting, he is not even supposed to be there. How rude disturbing a meeting so he can discuss stuff we could discuss later-.-1
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We needed to decide which JS library to integrate in a project. I investigated two libs both os and commercial and made a nice table to compare the pros and cons side by side. Important to note that both fullfilled nearly all of my technical requests and there are zero other comparable projects or products.
Now our Boss needed to make the final decision. He shortly looked at the Excel File and said:
I don't like opensource software because they will abandon the project if they earn no money. Also I don't like the other one. It's too expensive and it's developed by only a small company! I'll let you know which risk i'll take!
You guessed it: Still no decision after a few weeks. I'd say he will go for the os lib...
Idiot2 -
Fellow dev: I need a new car at the same time am planning to wed. My cash can't cater for both.
Other dev: Congratulations, you have grown up problems -
So people are getting new jobs left and right, and there are several others looking for new jobs including me...
Well... now the CIO is following people around the office and watching them walk to their car and stuff. To me this just makes the situation worse.
If he's so worries about people leaving then why doesn't he hire people instead of trying drive everyone out? -
20 min until the showing of our finals project and the only guy who has all the code refuses to make a build that we can try out beforehand. Ah ffs. Had to go to the bathroom cause I feel ill and need a breather.3
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My smart phone auto corrects "Bild" (German for picture) to "Build". I think I'm talking to much about work / open source with my phone.
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Think I'm being punished here...
first, the windows 10 update screen showed up... waited for that shit to finish... once finished, I thought, "that wasn't bad..." Then, THIS next screen shows up... "you've got to be kidding me!" So, it's punishment for not having opened the laptop in a while. :P
Yeah, it will be a wish come true, when Microsoft figures out how to do all this in the background... or something... so it's not painful to wait for updates to complete.
End of rant for the day.
2 -
Sometimes i need longer on the simple code than on the challanging code, because it's harder to distract me while i'm solving a problem
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I haven't even turned on my old laptop for a year. It's about six years old and becoming sluggish with modern software. Now I want to participate in a workshop for Raspberry Pi that requires you to bring a computer.
I feel like I should get me a new laptop, and knowing myself I'd get something in the upper mid range that gives a good bang for the buck and is slightly more pricey than I originally intended.
But I think it would be a very ridiculous thing to do, because afterwards it would just stand there while I do everything on my stationary computer, tablet and phone.
Maybe I'll throw in some lightweight Linux distro and see how far it takes me.
And feel like I should get me a new laptop.4 -
!rant
Site has been in staging for 2 weeks and very few bugs and changes have been submited... Day before luanch don't even know where to start with so many change requests!!!
Every freaking time...
Worst part is that the live date cannot shift.1 -
I hate when Skype doesn't work at my work's computer, and my Boss say that I can use my personal phone, damn he don't understand that I need a new fucking laptop1
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So today at English lessons (i'm not native speaker) we started this "unit" which is about technology. We were having a discussion everything went pretty ok but then the teacher just started having stupid points. It all began with "oh but computer can't be smarter than the people... Because people programm the computer and they have to code all those things " This was the part where i started being triggered and since i'm very introverted i couldn't argue with her. Luckily my classmate told her about machine learning and AI but she didn't quite understand it. So the topic changed a bit and we talked about technology in medicine etc. but then we somehow started talking about chat bots. Somebody said that they are really stupid because they don't even make sense (i bet they were talking about the stupidest chat bot i have ever seen created by someone from my country who just repeats the same 5-6 sentences). She again started to talk "Well you know they can't make sense because the programmers have to write answer for each sentence they can think of (so basically endless if/else if statement) at this point i had to say something BUT she didn't see my hand and just changed the topic. Now I feel bad for her because she will never know the truth. Forever uneducated in this area. :/1
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Sometimes I think computers and the work conspire to make me an alcoholic. Trying to rush the release and thanks to piled up technical debt it's taking ages. And as it is taking ages, other work is piling up so I would have to rush to something else without cleaning it up and will be swearing again next time. That gives me headache. And to cure it I need to drink. And drinking gives me different kind of headache. All those stupid endless circles are ruining my life!1
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My Bluetooth mouse kept disconnecting from my computer, and it's been years since my delicate hands have touched a mouse as crappy as the "temporary solution" my boss offered me
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So today I had to fiddle around with obfuscation software to obfuscate software we are going to release....
4 tries in and the software is still crashing with different exceptions each time....
And at the same moment this text came in to my mind:
"If software is working after obfuscation it's not obfuscated enough"2 -
When you have friends who think staying home during Saturday and Sunday is wastage of the weekend while you hate going out 🙁4
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I have technical problems with postgresql, AlienVault, Xenservers and Fortigate. I should be reading manuals and going through forums and mailing lists but instead, I'm reading ebooks in personal development like time management, verbal communications improvement and personal finance.
What is wrong with me?1 -
You set a value to a variable at line 80. At line 237, you set the value again, calculated in the same way, with the same, untouched parameters. The variable isn't used at all anywhere between these two points...
If I have to do maintenance to your .net code, and can tell that not only did you learn on COBOL, but that you're a bad COBOL programer, Fuck You!2 -
I hate menagers...I had request to make first name field translateable in module for team members, bcs they decided to use that module not just for people but also for cows. I hate adhoc solutions and hacking...
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Today. Where the senior developer got into a schoolyard yelling match with one of our owners. And then the only thing we accomplished in an hour was that we decided we needed another meeting next week.
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Camembert cheese in the fridge is great, but how can one survive without the stronger Nespresso capsules ;(
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Oh its ok Mr. "Senior PM"...its totally ok to take a week of PTO during crunchtime...a week before launch...that wont cause any issues at all....1
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Spent a when afternoon trying to solve a unworking font-face implementation to IE. The implementation was bullet-proof. Guess what, it works on IE11 but the company only uses IE8.. Good thing it's not my job to say which version to use 😄5
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I really hate it when I'm fixing an error, whenever I change something in my code I always got new different errors. FML 🔫
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What bothers me the most of writing something by hand is that I HAVE to look at what I'm writing. By the time I realise I'm not doing so in a straight line it's already way too late.
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I am getting this Launch4j error(application unable to start ) in my energia software....can anyone help?1
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Im starting to loose interest in development, im afraid im stuck inbetween the part where im getting confused on what i really love!1
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