We have new scrum master. First meeting together.

Project owner:
- I would give them time to wensday (2 days away) days to do migration
Manager:
- delivery is in Tuesday. can we have two teams to work on it so it will be done twice as fast?
Scrum Master:
- do you really think that if you get 9 women pregnant they would deliver you baby in a month?

It saved me from suicide.

You have to understand first that things in India work differently. Academics are not personal, but a social business. Academic competition in India is very high and not in a good way, or for the good reasons.

As a teenager was sent off from my home to the other side of the country. I didn't like it. My studies suffered, and I failed my exams. Came back home and faced months of emotional abuse (guilt trips, scornful comments, plain insults) from my parents, neighbours and relatives. Indian society is just built that way. They didn't know they were damaging my psyche, or they were too angry to care. Lots of other shit (lost friends, lost love) happened at roughly the same time period and everything started to fall like dominos.

I fell into severe depression. Lost appetite, lost sleep. Nothing mattered anymore. There were mornings when I would wake up and not get up from my bed for hours, and not even move a finger. Self-hate became the motto of the day. I became violent and anti-social. I would either be angry or trying not to break down and give up all the time. Many a night, I considered suicide. I would end up googling for easy ways out to take.

But what gave me a way out of the pains of my reality was programming. It helped my keep my head, figuratively and literally. It kept my mind distracted and gave me a sense of purpose. I would shut myself in, plug in my headphones, shut the world out and just experiment.

I am not saying that I am the best at what I do, but those sleepless and troubled nights, and many other similar nights over the years have given me a definite edge over my colleagues.

Even today, when everything is falling to pieces, I know I have something to fall back on. I still get episodes of depression every now and then, but I know I can always pick up a new project and distract myself. It probably isn't healthy, but eh...

I am alive. I code. I kick ass. My colleagues respect and value my opinion. I love my job.

Computer does what I tell it to do (mostly :p) and I feel good. Because for that small moment, I am in control of everything. For that infinitesimally small moment of my average, boring, and somewhat painful life, I am God.

Hey so found another tiny bug, well more like a typo, if you're​ a subscriber and you go to edit a post more than it's time limit in this after 57 mins you get the old can't edit after 5 minutes alert dialog message, super easy to fix (I guess lol) and not too important

This fucking idiot at work needs to use the pre release version of the iOS app for a training programme, and I swear I have tried my best to best to help him get the app on his phone.

I use Fabric and I chose because of how easy it is to install on a persons phone, but this is the situation so far. Also he lives a couple cities away so I can't do it myself.

I had to waste time waiting for him to call me, beforehand I sent the email, maybe 5 minutes before his call and told him that he needs to find the email, he says oh okay alright well I'll contact you if I have any problems.

I waited a day and sent a follow-up email on what the subject, from email, and even what the email looks like with screenshots.

No response for 3 weeks, and I bring it up in a meeting that I need to help him again.

So it's a literal fucking repeat of the first step, wait for his call, this time close to the end of my work day and he's 30 minutes late for his own fucking schedule, I thought whatever so I say the exact same thing BUT expecting him to get it out of the way while I'm on the phone...

Waited two days and sent him an email today and since I forgot to mention it, I've told him that this is to REGISTER to get the app. Guess what his reply was.

Sorry I can't get it on my phone!

He can't get what a fucking email to open on his phone and follow instructions a small bipedal animal could figure out?

It's literally follow the fucking icon moving they have gifs showing exactly what to click...

So tomorrow I have to somehow not blow up and get this app on his phone, honestly I understand some people can have issues with technical things but I got a guy at work that has trouble with his computer all the time to follow my same instructions without me needing to say more than I'll send an email all you need to do is follow the instructions, he actually enjoyed going through it.

...I swear this guy is just not even bothering, and I made sure I sent it to the right email, also second call he told me he found the email..

Without knowing how long in between scans I got say Windows that is a little excessive

Both apps I'm working on have legacy code:

iOS app has 100's and 1000's of lines of code with no documentation, no proper naming conventions and cut and pasted code off the net.

Android app has skeleton code from a Spanish taxi app + remnants of a funeral webcasting app, there's also the same no documentation, bad naming conventions and cut and paste code off the net.

The server is also as bad, it had methods that we're never used, I for one don't fully understand the server but from what I can see it's a mess.

I had a hard time understanding both apps and gladly majority of the modifications I made we're not including existing stuff, so I guess I just basically pilled my code onto of the already existing software.

I would have gladly started from scratch given the chance.

So I walk past this everyday decided to finally take a picture:

http://www.ssl.co.nz/ that's the link to their website

So following from this rant:
https://devrant.io/rants/618679/...

Warning long rant ahead

I resigned and my last day is tomorrow, I've released the app updates a week ago, patched a couple bugs for iOS.

My boss and the idiot who can't open an email on his phone go off to use the app as part of some training thing for the company.

I got a call yesterday saying the Android app has issues and I proceeded to ask my boss what type of phone they have:

"Samsung and Huawei"

I thought okay I need more info "what type of phone..." He responds with wouldn't have a clue....

I can't see the phone, didn't get a screenshot or anything like that but I'm expected to just know what the phone is.

My boss goes on to say yeah it's the app (he is literally the most computer illiterate person I could think of aside from guy who can't open emails on phone, how the fuck do you know that?)

Me: "From all the testing I've done the app works"

Look if you want a more robust error free update hire more than one developer I can't test every single fucking use case to determine the app is 100% bug free, I've tested on at least 10 phones before releasing the update just to be absolutely sure I got everything done and okay I missed something.

So I proceed to get my boss to tell the guy who has the issue I'll sign him up to the testing app to find out the cause and hopefully fix the issue, I setup crashlytics send the email and get a call from my boss saying the guy didn't get the email.

Well okay is it my problem that we have two emails for the same person where one of them is a typo? No it's the guy who asked and wrote down the email instead of actually forwarding a blank email from him to be absolutely sure, I sent the email to both just to be on the safe side.

I swear if he is another idiot who can't open emails on his phone well I can't help him, app works on my phone and the phones at work.

I need a phone where it doesn't work so I can get a solution I know works but if I have to deal with these idiots that can't even check an email how the fuck do I do that?

Sorry about the formatting just needed to get this off my chest before I start work.

Oh and I get asked "so who'll fix the bugs when you're gone" well I can't (in reality I'm not working for free, I'm not traveling 1 1/2 commute time to fix one bug for free, go hire someone you think will love to work for minimum wage and let's see if this guy can do what I did)

This is a weird bug my avatar looks completely different from my actual avatar

https://devrant.io/rants/604985/...

Thats the link but once I reloaded it changed to my normal one...

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

My favorite client just brought in a new team member who thinks he's god's gift to web development and design. Every week he gives me a long list of things he thinks are wrong with the website.

Now he's cloning pages of the site and adding hideously distorted images and excel screenshots of information matrices formatted the way he wants them. And he wants them published as he has made them because his ideas are obviously the best ones! (guess who he voted for)

He also claims that nobody can figure out how to purchase anything on the site, including him! Even after I've made it so you'd have to be frickin' Helen Keller not to be able to stumble over a BIG FAT BUY NOW BUTTON literally everywhere you look because this site is for geriatric senile MORONS who can't click their way out of a paper bag!!!

Aaaah...I just got back from a meeting because of a production data problem caused by an analyst who keeps making mistakes that screw up client data. I wrote a program to automate most of it and everybody initially accused me of having a buggy program, only to find out she wasn't using it, never did.

"Why aren't you using the program then?" was asked. "Oh, well, I just understand my way better," she replies, "When I make a mistake at least I understand why."

Pause....

"Then, um, if you know you're making a mistake, why don't you fix it?"
"Because my process is so manual and labor intensive sometimes it's not worth it to go back and fix it, because I'd have to do everything over again, and you guys are much better at fixing this stuff than I am."

I indicated that everyone is too busy to stop and fix her mistakes, to which she then asks:

"So if you can't fix my mistakes, what am I supposed to do?"

Debian Linux running on Amazon Kindle ... Sure want that .. looks cool

I didn't choose the debug life, the debug life chose me.

Just joined the dark side of devRant. Once you go dark there is no going back.

Dear devRant,
I am writing to you today to ask you for a favor.
Please support landscape mode, viewing landscape images in portrait mode really upsets my right brain hemisphere. There is a conflict with what my synapses think but this is another story.

Regards,
#th

Anyone else starting to perceive real life and communicating with people using logical gate thinking?
I think I need vacation because communicating with non tech/code savy people requires an effort..

Today I was hired to pentest a company's framework. While getting directions on what needs to be tested I counted 4times the sentence:
"We are a multi-awarded company for our security, virtually nothing gets past our firewalls".

Most of the PCs had Win98

Employer: I want to make a search engine but only for our products.
Me: Sure. It's called an eshop.
Employer: You know that eshops are not engines right?
Me: Technology has changed the past few years. (hidden irony)
Employer: I guess that's geeky stuff. Tell me more about this.
Me: First, you need to upgrade your flash eshop.
Employer: (frustrated) You IT people always want to do things your way, aren't you? Nevermind, let's get to business, how can I make my site better?

Today I found a HASP HL key on the side of the road. Time to exercise emulation.

I am not anti-social, I'm just not client-friendly.

I just wish I could make my living by doing stuff that I love and not by doing stuff that other people have to do to make a living so they can do what they love.

I acquired 3 stalkers to get this ... But it was well worth it 😈

What's this about ? Someone likes me wahey 😏

I swear to you... This is how my uni cools down its servers

Oh god the mess 😥, gets worse when your in there

Just 111 to go!😈

Holy fuck is it sunny , just spent last 2 days in office 😅 pitch black ... Oops

A supervisor in my first job , he also taught me to pick up girls in bars.

Hell he picked up a girl whilst I was throwing up on a train 😂, literally right next to me 😅 talented man

He made me want to be better then him at programming ... Not picking up girls. So now I am and got my own company doing it ... All due to a strange bromance

Do you guys swear 😏, I do a lot about tech but I don't see anyone on here doing that

Nothing like shit I just shocked myself

Or mother fucking ie die in a hole

You know the usual

God I'm changing to Linux , fuck windows ... It would be a perfectly fine os, but in true Microsoft fashion.... They fuck it up.

Been out of the Linux game (cept for Kali) for a while any advice? On a distro

I lost hours having to reinstall , thinking it's doing shit but in fact it's just sitting there cause there's no fucking loading bar or anything other then a spinning circle.

I can't afford to lose 10 hours of work. Which is what I've lost the past two weeks dealing with Microsoft's shit updates.