That moment when

Friend: "What is devRant?"
Me: "A place where programmers tell jokes and complain."
Friend: "Why dont you just do that irl?"
Me: "Because we never test in production"

Devrant mentioned in our Databases course! 😱

Render issues IRL

So, since I hear from a lot of people (on here and irl) that Linux has a 'very high learning curve', let me share my experiences with the first time my dad touched Linux (Elementary OS) without me interfering at all! (keep in mind that he is very a-technical)

*le me boots the system* (I already did setup a user account for him and gave him the password).

Dad: *enters password and presses enter*
Me: "Hmm that went faster than expected."
Dad: "Uhm I know how to login son, it's not that hard and pretty obvious".
Me: "Alright, why don't you try to open up the default word documents editor on here! I'll be right back!"
Me: *Goes away and returns after a minute*.
Dad: *already a few test sentences typed in LibreOffice writer* it's going pretty well :)!
Me: "Oo how did you find that?!"
Dad: "Well, there's a thingy that says 'applications' so I clicked in and found it in the "Office" section, do you think I am blind or something?!"
Me: 😐. uhm no but I just didn't think you'd find it that quickly. Now try to install Chromium browser! *thinking: he'll fail this one for sure* I'll be right back :).
Me: *returns again after a minute or so*
Dad: *already searching for stuff through Chromium*
Me: "wait, how the hell did you do that so quickly, it's not the easiest thingy for most people".
Dad: "Jesus, it's not that hard! I went to the application browsing thingy, typed 'software' and then a sorta software store icon showed up so I clicked it and it opened a windows with a search bar saying something like 'search for applications/software'. clicked in it, typed 'chromium', saw it coming up, there was a very clear 'install' button, it asked for my password, I put it in and after a little it gave a notification that it was installed. Then I went to that application browsing thingy again and typed Chromium. Then I hit enter because it selected an icon called chromium...."
Me: O.o. Okay this is going very good, now open an email client and login to your email address!
Dad: *goes to application browsing thingy, types 'email', evolution icon shows up, dad clicks it, email address setup steps show up and dad follows them quickly. After about a minute, everything is setup.

I expected this to be a hard process for someone who dealt with Windows his entire life but damn, I underestimated it.
Asked him if he found it easy/what he liked about it:
"Well, it's very clear where I can find everything, default browser/email/word document editor programs are easy to find and that's about all I need so yeah, great system!"

I am proud of you, dad!

CSS IRL

Bruteforce IRL

So I recently bought my first house (yay!).

Whilst doing the initial viewings I saw the below on the backyard and thought "hey that's neat, I can leave a key in there for when I come in late and my fiancée is asleep.

Fast forward to moving in day and the previous owners hand me the keys so I ask "oh yeah, what's the code for the keysafe" and he just looks at me completely blank, so I'm just like "the box on the wall out back" and he's just like "oh! So that's what that is. No we've never had the code for that, bye."

Being a pen tester I'm just stood there dumbfounded thinking "How the hell can you have a locked box attached to your house and not want to know what is inside!"

Anyway, that brings us to now where I'm stood outside in December on a Sunday morning brute forcing my way into my own keysafe.

I wish this didn't run so many parallels with my work life 😂

The struggle of a programmer

Like looking at my commits😂

Credits: Reddit

When none of your stuff is working properly and everyone keeps coming over to bug you

I found this while I was lazily internetting and my first thought was 'okay, that's most definitely a hack!'.

Someone has actually built a hack for all the world to see!

I look both ways before crossing a one way street because I know about unhandled exception.

Branch merging IRL

me irl

Can remember where I found this but it gave me a good laugh. Need to find IRL.

When you don't know what the fuck is going on with your code anymore

For people who think/find that open source solutions are always better than commercial/paid/proprietary ones, you are not going to like this rant.

I'm starting to get really fucking fed up with people always, whenever I see someone (including myself) mentioning that an open source solution which is an alternative to a closed source one, saying that it's shit.
I've had countless encounters on here (also irl) where someone mentions that an open source solution (GIMP or Libre Office for example) is shit by default while they've maybe (or probably?) not even used it themselves.
Also people going "you can't even compare those two as for what they can do/features/functions". I'm definitely not saying that those open solutions are perfect. But to call them worthless or shit and/or to say that you literally 'cannot compare them' or that the open solution just doesn't work as a *FACT* is fucking bullshit.

Let's take GIMP for example, the use case of a friend of mine:

- He works both with macOS and Linux Mint, he *needs* a design/photo editing tool which is cross platform. (or at least one which works on macOS+Linux)
- He does not mind paying for software but he prefers to use software which is free as in freedom because he also likes to tinker with the software (a lot of people find this argument bullshit, I noticed on here. Why is that? It's a valid reason. Maybe not for you but we're not talking about you right now).
- He likes Photoshop but due to Linux incompatibility and the fact that he can't tinker around with the code, it's not an option for him.
- He'd gladly go for paid software but GIMP fills all his design/photo editing needs (also the more advanced ones but don't ask them to me because I have no fucking clue how that shit works)
- GIMP *just works* for him, he never has trouble with it.

Let's take Libre Office, my own use case:

- It *NEEDS* to work on Linux, which Libre does.
- It *HAS* to be open source, ethic/moral thingy; Libre Office is open source.
- It doesn't need to work complete magic but it needs proper basic document and 'excel' sheet functionalities which is the case with Libre and it works *for me*.
- I don't mind paying for it, will probably donate in the future (seeding the macOS+windows+linux versions fulltime at the moment)

See, for our use cases, it works very well. So why go into "it's no match for proprietary alternatives" mode right away? It actually is, as you see in the examples above.

Please stop saying that those solutions *don't work* or *are shit* because they do work and are useful for me and loads of people around the world.
Do they have *ALL* the features which their proprietary alternatives have? Maybe, maybe not, maybe they're missing some and maybe they even have some features which the proprietary alternatives don't have, I haven't checked out every feature.

I'm not saying that it works for you, for the record, I'm just saying that just because for you it is a fact that they're bad/shit/hardly working, doesn't mean they are for others.

Got my front end friend (also my irl best friend) to agree on me setting up a vm/vps on one of my dedi's with a sub domain so he can learn to work with servers.

He agreed on me leaving root access for myself in case he couldn't figure something out and I (a Linux server engineer myself) would have to help him out.

He seemed so excited, will set this up when I get home 😊

When copy and paste glitch irl

OH MY GOD

WHO NAMES A CONFERENCE ROOM AFTER AN -ADDRESS-??

At my new job, we had all day training on Friday. It was emphasized many times that we should not be late. I look at the meeting invite many times, and it says [123 Fake], with Fake being a Very Well Known Street, and I see on Google Maps that there's an office building there. Great, we must have an off-site training facility to help our clients become certified in our product. It doesn't say which floor, but I assume the small space we have in that large office building will become evident once I check in with lobby security.

Friday morning comes, I get to the office building 20 minutes early, and try to check in. They've never heard of my company. Maybe there's a computer lab we rent out? No, they don't know anything about that. I don't have work email or slack set up on my phone yet, so who do I call? I try reception, no one answers. Eventually I call our customer support line.

I shouldn't be at 123 Fake St. I should be at the office. Because that's the name of the conference room!

YOU HAD ONE JOB, ROOM NAMER!

Last night my boyfriend and I tried to think of worse names for conference rooms. The only ones I could think of were "meeting canceled" (but with that, at least I would be in the correct fucking building!) or just naming every conference room "conference room". Here's the thing: there's not just one 123 Fake St room! There's two of them right next to each other! So you can easily show up and think, I remember I was supposed to be in this room, but which one?

And I'm not even the first person to make this mistake. CLIENTS have gone to the wrong building before because they get included on meeting invitations that include conference room names! WTF!

It's pretty common to have Chicago conference rooms named after neighborhoods, or iconic buildings, etc. But nobody is going to think, "meeting in Bucktown? I'll just wander around the neighborhood until I find people with laptops". It's obviously a conference room. BUT A FUCKING ADDRESS OF A NEARBY OFFICE BUILDING? It's not even an iconic of a building!

Names matter. I care a lot about names in code. I never realized it could apply to the physical world as well. So now I am on a mission to change the names of these Goddamm conference rooms so I'm the last person to be directed to the wrong fucking building.

OH, and I'm out $9 for a taxi ride and a pair of gloves that got lost in the taxi so that's GREAT.

Arch Linux irl

Finally I can afford a decent gaming laptop to pretend I am programming

"Please make the splash screen longer, 3-5 seconds at least"
So you are the "mobile UX expert"? Do you realize people want to achieve things without wasting time and patience? In 5 seconds I may get distracted with a notification or anything else IRL and I I'll even forget I ever opened your app. Puf, you lost a potentially paying user.
All this just to give some fu***** visibility to some small logos of your sponsors. What about an about page so everybody is happy?

I remember that time my class (first year of software development) wrote a huge project for a real company as practice for irl stuff.

I was the only Linux user and it would be deployed on a Linux server.

Spent 10 weeks of development and then the moment of deployment on a Linux server began!

.
.
.
.
.

Nothing was case sensitive, everything was programmed for a windows architecture (backward slashes etc) and mssql was used while we would host it on a MySQL server.

The tree core guys spent three days or so to make the entire fucker compatible 😂

It was enjoyable to see them (literally) sweat 😊 (it had been known from the very beginning)

Apple has programmed an avatar maker in iMessage that generates emoji that are supposed to resemble the person. However it does not have any setting for facial structure to represent a person’s sex. I’m pretty sure they did it because “gender is a construct”.

When I was growing up I had some issues with gender dysphoria. I am male genetically. I was mistaken as female my whole childhood because I was “pretty”, my best friends were girls, and I liked cooking, drawing, and dancing. Puberty happened and I started to look like a man. I considered transitioning because I felt female but I decided to let my body do what it wants and do the things I like to do without worrying about if they are gendered or not. I am married and male and I like what I like.

This stupid iMessage avatar. I have tried my hardest to make it look like me. I have long hair and keep my facial hair clean. They don’t have a switch to change some facial physiological traits so I have this Memoji that looks like a woman with a slight hormonal imbalance. It makes me feel conflicted like I felt when I was young. I haven’t thought about it in years and now I feel like I have an uncomfortable secret female avatar that i carry around on my phone and I feel like I’m carrying a secret.

A persons genetics result in differences in facial structures. Biological sex is more than the length of hair and whether a person wears makeup. I hate this “sex is a construct” trend. I’m fine living my life, but then companies push this software onto my phone like propaganda. I want it to look as masculine as I look IRL.

To meet and genuinely connect with people, try IRL.

... I mean IRC. Sorry, typo

We should totally be able to use try/ catch irl, especially in social situations

try{
riskyText();
} catch (InappropriateTextError e) {
abort();
}

The cycle of programming

me irl

Parent: Your room is a mess
Me: You should see my code

*Flying slipper received*

my relationship to JS like

Everytime I tell someone I write scripts and test security of new hardware/software, I get
"oh that's so cool, what's that called?"

"penetration testing"

*Room goes silent and wide-eyed*

Programming irl

src: Instagram

Devrant is the only social platform made to recognise the world's hidden heroes, us.

I can't help but be disappointed in the direction that technology has directed us into, especially social media.

While I love my girlfriend, she more often than not spends her time scrolling away at the dumbest shit on Instagram, Facebook, .. reels. Reels everywhere. And she's not dumb, mind you. She's an engineer just as much as you (presumably) and I are. Just in a different field.

When looking into it online and stumbling upon more than one study, I learned about the term it had been coined.. technoference. That's the constant interruption of social media into our day-to-day lives, and the dopamine kick it gives -- more so than IRL peers do. Why that is, being the digital equivalent to McDonald's, that's beyond me. But somehow it seems to be better, all while the content isn't even useful. It doesn't allow you to learn anything, to gain insights, or to explore things that could serve you in the real world. Cat videos and random shit that's somehow.. funny? Having pretty much completely disconnected from social media years ago, I seriously fail to see how.

Maybe us nerds in the 90's and early 2000's telling everyone else how we'd change the world and prove everyone who called us freaks wrong, disenchanted as we were (and probably still are), were the catalyst for this social disaster. We had the cognitive skills to do it, but not the social equivalent. I feel guilty... Even though I've always been part of a big tech resistance in some capacity, I still feel guilty. Because I'm one of those people with the skills of those who created this trash fire of a societal status quo. Everyone glued to their screens, 95% of the time not for work. Not even to aid one's ability to function in the real world. Just to combat boredom. All day, for many hours on end.

Where is it going to end? When will people realize the dystopia we got ourselves into? Will anyone but a few fight it? Would those who don't fight it even care?

I had a weird dream last night where people communicated by using log statements.

Like if I wanted to say something very loud I'd think Log.wtf("WTF!") and it would appear in front of me like subtitles. Log levels were equivalent to tone level.

The scene was basically a bunch of people with log statements of various levels in front of them and their lips moving with no sound.

I think I need a vacation.

> be me
> create profile in dating app because pandemic rules make meeting people at irl events impossible
> match with cute girl
> start to talk about interesting stuff
> mention being a software developer
> her: 'pls help me I have a not activated windows 10 on my laptop and can't do stuff since the last update'
> fml

Looking through my house for a usb key.

My mind tells me to Crtl+F.

Ho.... Im IRL...

A teacher from high school.

I finish the assignment early, shit on everyone’s head in terms of speed and performances and this guy first praises me, then slams the keyboard with random chars, letters and weird shit in an application which was supposed to only accept numbers.

“But… the requirements said…”
“I’m your manager and I am dumb af. Trust me, this will happen a lot irl.”

Me: I can fix that workflow in about five minutes, In fact I can do it right now as we are speaking on the phone.

Customer: okay well... let me contact the director and make sure it’s okay that you fix it.

Me: I won’t make any changes to how it functions I’m only going to make it work again as it used to

Customer: we might need to schedule a meeting to talk about this because I’m not sure that we should be changing the site without permission

Me on the inside: I literally have global admin rights, unlimited power in Sharepoint, am responsible for making sure this stuff works, and BUILT this fucking thing, so now that I’ve been alerted of an issue I’m going to fix it. You are welcome to blame me if your boss is upset about it but I’m not going to wait for a fucking meeting to make sure it’s okay that I update a god damn email address in a workflow.

Me IRL: okay sounds great let me know when it is :)

Hyphaene compressa

It's the actual binary tree. IRL.

TIL...

FUCK OFF!! JUST. FUCK. OFF.

I've been studying for around 4 hours and my roommate just asked me "why do you take so much time to study? Reading through it twice should be more than enough"

Simply reading trough it twice he said. MOTHERFUCK I'M NOT EVEN DONE READING THIS SHIT, THAT I'LL NEVER APPLY IRL, ONCE AND I AM NOT A KIND OF GENIUS THAT REMEMBERS EVERY DAMN DATA OK BY READING SHIT TWICE LIKE YOU. PUT YOURSELF IN MY DAMN POSITION YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK

How do i get the experience before i get the experience??! #jobhunt

Im curious. Who here based their avatar off of their irl look? I did...

My cubicle-neighbor. Great guy, listens to my dev rants irl and helps me solve the problems.

Stop fucking using #tags outside of Twitter! It's stupid and pointless! And, if I hear another person end a sentence with a hashtag IRL, I'm going on a fucking rampage. 😠

Top 10 anime betrayals

Who the fuck donated 3 USD to my Ko-fi

who are you

why did you donate to a useless person

why do you make me hunt you irl

why

h

I apparently got home drunk last night and watched half an hour of a talk on optimizing compression for web applications.

Now I'm caressing a slight hangover with coffee and watching the rest of it.

Ayy. Finally hit the 1000++ point. Now I can get the shirt that I literally have 5 of irl for my avatar

!rant

This might be the most ambitious project I've ever started up till now, teaching my girlfriend everything college isn't.

As some of you may know my uni isn't the greatest and lacks in professor quality, my girlfriend (who's taking the same bachelor) knows this and when she knew I was starting a new little side project she wanted in.

At first I was skeptical, this could be just an excuse to spend more time with me, so I told her:

"if you really want to then I'm all for it, it'll be done my way and the first few weeks will be tough, however I promise by the end of it you will know 10x what you do now"

She agreed and so our journey began 3 weeks ago, my goal: make a kick ass project, do it in record time and teach her enough to cope with a IRL job.

I've setup the project so by the end of it she is well versed in the following: scrum, Django, MVC, python, HTML + CSS3, git, GitHub, PostgreSQL and Docker. In about 4 to 6 months.

We are into our third sprint this week, she had two small breakdowns because she couldn't believe how much she was missing out and felt she lacked talent, this is our third week and I'm glad to see that she's actually enjoying herself.

Knock knock?
Who is this?
Git
Git who?
Git outta here, ish ma house

Interviewee was googling the answers to the technical questions on a Skype interview. Their CV said they had 2 years experience.

Us: "How does X work?"
Them: "Uhh...what's X?"
[clack clack clack of interviewees keyboard]
Them: "Oh.....X! [reads verbatim from the tutorial]"

We had some fun asking ridiculous questions for a while, seeing how big a hole they could dig for themselves. Once we got bored of making fun of them we ended the interview early. Much less awkward on Skype than IRL.

While I fucking hate front end and app development, I also hate that I'm so fucking dependant on them for the development of services and such.

Right now I'm developing a suite of services with a mate and while the backend and security (+linux servers) are something I'm good at, I find it hard sometimes to continue without being able to see my API's in action through apps and good looking interfaces.

My mate is currently handling that part but he has way less time than I do and thus I sometimes have to create interfaces to even just be able to see how my shit would work irl.

I can't fucking stand this and it sometimes entirely drains my motivation but there's also no fucking way in hell that I'll dive into frontend and/or app development.

Fucking hell.

If I ever deleted some of my rants (most likely one of the deleted ones will be the first one) it's because people from SL and IRL are starting to find me. Lol.

I'm not deleting anything yet tho.

Mate - whatcha doing ...
Me - oh just hacking nasa
Mate - seriously!? 😯😨
Me - OOOOh yeah I do it all the time see (shows similar photo)
Mate - don't hack me 😭
Me (in head) - you poor dumb fuck...
Me irl - I won't if you don't piss me off 😏

Hey, I had a question. How social are you all IRL?

I'll explain myself. IRL, I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me (which I don't seek) for example. And regarding friends, I've never had more than one "buddy" each school year, unconsciously dropping them once we weren't linked by school anymore. There is only two people I have kept throughout the years and that I'd call friends, one of them is my girlfriend.

That being said, I know I'm especially asocial, but I'm curious how everyone is here :)
We often hear "Computer people don't have many friends blabla" but I'm curious about that ^^

There have been so many times I wanted to say something funny about my code, but my Facebook/IRL friends wouldn't have gotten it.

Finally found you guys!

... this is not one of those times
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Here's how I imagine my bad start on a new job would be:

1. Being introverted
2. Being introverted
3. Being introverted

Yep, I'm awkward most of the times in most social interactions irl outside of my friend circle.

This is a ways out because I can't find LED filaments thin enough to simulate this, but if/when I find them, how difficult would it be to program a controller to have them map my circulatory system, with them pulsing in time to my pulse? I want to do something cool with my arm, and this keeps coming into my head, but I'm freaking out over how difficult I'm thinking this is going to be.

Ideas? Either on how to do this, or what else I can (reasonably) do? Friends irl want a rocket punch, I want a flamethrower, but anything else?

me irl

Mysql...

!rant
I don't even care about getting upvotes with rage rants. It's just very nice to have a place where I can out all my rage and anger and where people actually understand me instead of staring at me like 'woah, calm down'. I feel like I'm actually understood here, something I don't often have irl. This is why I f*cking love devRant.

me irl

Me irl vs how I talk to clients 😂

Developing something which, for real world testing, would require a smartphone with a gps chip/capability or however the fuck you call that.

I do have that but it's so goddamn hard to get a lock on my location which makes it very hard to test this IRL.

😥

Am I the only one who can't take the IT nonsense in TV SERIES (especially crime series) anymore? ANY UI shown on an arbitrary screen looks like garbage! And in addition to the f*cked up screen designs, every damn action of course makes weird beep noises, which would be totally annoying after like 3 secs IRL. How the heck are we supposed to take such BS seriously? This totally destroys so many TV series for me!
(Also, I have to explain to my wife why I'm laughing all the time! :p)

Me: Brooo, We did it last night!
Friend : Which base did you get to?
Me : Hbase
Friend: Ha, doope!

My avatar has got so much swag than me ever IRL

I am yet to find any dev irl who knows about devRant!

I spent over a decade of my life working with Ada. I've spent almost the same amount of time working with C# and VisualBasic. And I've spent almost six years now with F#. I consider all of these great languages for various reasons, each with their respective problems. As these are mostly mature languages some of the problems were only knowable in hindsight. But Ada was always sort of my baby. I don't really mind extra typing, as at least what I do, reading happens much more than writing, and tab completion has most things only being 3-4 key presses irl. But I'm no zealot, and have been fully aware of deficiencies in the language, just like any language would have. I've had similar feelings of all languages I've worked with, and the .NET/C#/VB/F# guys are excellent with taking suggestions and feedback.

This is not the case with Ada, and this will be my story, since I've no longer decided anonymity is necessary.

First few years learning the language I did what anyone does: you write shit that already exists just to learn. Kept refining it over time, sometimes needing to do entire rewrites. Eventually a few of these wound up being good. Not novel, just good stuff that already existed. Outperforming the leading Ada company in benchmarks kind of good. At the time I was really gung-ho about the language. Would have loved to make Ada development a career. Eventually build up enough of this, as well as a working, but very bad performing compiler, and decide to try to apply for a job at this company. I wasn't worried about the quality of the compiler, as anyone who's seriously worked with Ada knows, the language is remarkably complex with some bizarre rules in dark corners, so a compiler which passes the standards test indicates a very intimate knowledge of the language few can attest to.

I get told they didn't think I would be a good fit for the job, and that they didn't think I should be doing development.

A few months of rapid cycling between hatred and self loathing passes, and then a suicide attempt. I've got past problems which contributed more so than the actual job denial.

So I get better and start working even harder on my shit. Get the performance of my stuff up even better. Don't bother even trying to fix up the compiler, and start researching about text parsing. Do tons of small programs to test things, and wind up learning a lot. I'm starting to notice a lot of languages really surpassing Ada in _quality of life_, with things package managers and repositories for those, as well as social media presence and exhaustive tutorials from the community.

At the time I didn't really get programming language specific package managers (I do now), but I still brought this up to the community. Don't do that. They don't like new ideas. Odd for a language which at the time was so innovative. But social media presence did eventually happen with a Twitter account that is most definitely run by a specific Ada company masquerading as a general Ada advocate. It did occasionally draw interest to neat things from the community, so that's cool.

Since I've been using both VisualStudio and an IDE this Ada company provides, I saw a very jarring quality difference over the years. I'm not gonna say VS is perfect, it's not. But this piece of shit made VS look like a polished streamlined bug free race car designed by expert UX people. It. Was. Bad. Very little features, with little added over the years. Fast forwarding several years, I can find about ten bugs in five minutes each update, and I can't find bugs in the video games I play, so I'm no bug finder. It's just that bad. This from a company providing software for "highly reliable systems"...

So I decide to take a crack at writing an editor extension for VS Code, which I had never even used. It actually went well, and as of this writing it has over 24k downloads, and I've received some great comments from some people over on Twitter about how detailed the highlighting is. Plenty of bespoke advertising the entire time in development, of course.

Never a single word from the community about me.

Around this time I had also started a YouTube channel to provide educational content about the language, since there's very little, except large textbooks which aren't right for everyone. Now keep in mind I had written a compiler which at least was passing the language standards test, so I definitely know the language very well. This is a standard the programmers at these companies will admit very few people understand. YouTube channel met with hate from the community, and overwhelming thanks from newcomers. Never a shout out from the "community" Twitter account. The hate went as far as things like how nothing I say should be listened to because I'm a degenerate Irishman, to things like how the world would have been a better place if I was successful in killing myself (I don't talk much about my mental illness, but it shows up).

I'm strictly a .NET developer now. All code ported.

Broke: Let's exchange numbers

Woke: Let's exchange GitHub usernames :3c

The effect of the scoring system is interesting.

On Facebook, where I usually spend most of my social media time, I have been training myself to NOT comment unless I really wanna engage, because I have an IRL habit of just talking shit just to hear myself speak that bleeds into my Facebook engagement, which is a character flaw I’m trying to change.

On here though, I will see something I wouldn’t normally respond to and I’ll comment cause I want those ++s.

BUT the quality of my comments on here are generally way “better” (more meaningful, usually kinder, etc) than my FB comments, obvi because I want those ++s and on Facebook I can be as dumb and mean as I want without having “consequences” aside from the obvious social consequences of people thinking I’m an asshole...but on here it kinda forces me to be more mindful of how I’m engaging with people

Worst part about the people I know IRL knowing I’m a white hat Hacker - “Hey, so and so was taking shit I need you to hack their Facebook.”

*rolls eyes* I’m not your personal keyboard warrior nor do I give a shit who said what. Take care of it yourself. You’re an adult.

"why do you like computers more than women" was a question my dad asked me today. that was a fucking curveball lemme tell ya

turns out my dad thinks i'm sexually attracted to computers as i don't flirt with women nor do I date.

I don't have a car, I don't have money, I like an hour from town, I have no charisma and I look like an unevenly-melted candle someone dropped into a bag of shaved 5 o'clock stubble. Of course I don't talk to people IRL.

"Rant/Story"

Dayum.
Prestory and afterstory:
Today I have slept for around <2 hours and had to drive to my college.

The real shit happens right now.

Story:
During these almost 2 hours, I have dreamed about going back in time, but being limited on the same day's hours.
In other words... It was e.g. 16 o'clock and the time travelled back into the past. Like into a "0830 ish" morning. The day would then come to an end and start with the next day. For example from Monday to Tuesday.
I was able to look into the future whenever I wanted to.
Even though I was driving my car in the first gear, it would drive into the reverse direction.
Time suddently switches direction and everything is going as it should be. Greeting people in the streets as I would do normally.
And all of the sudden time decides to switch its direction again and I have to do things in reverse.
At some point I found something like a hidden room which had a door. I opened it and went into the "room" (it was a special place. It had no walls at all). It had a door at the other side of the room. I went through it and saw another one in the last room. It felt like, if I decide to go through that door, I would instantly die. I therefore moved all the doors back into the dream world.
Such a confusion gave me a fucking headache lol.

After waking up from such a fucking complicated dream, time irl felt fucking weird lmao.

My alarm began to do its job. It tried to wake me up at 6:30 am, at 6:45 am and at 6:50 am.
But all the time along it felt like it began to wake me up at 6:50 am down to 6:30 am.

When you tryna just wanna get working code but CI says nah

I had a great insight today: What annoys me so about social media and society in general are these „fake insights“ everyones having.

LinkedIn and Reddit are just undoable for me lately. Everything there feels like a youtube title: „Look how I increased my productivity“ - A To-Do-List.
We does everything anybody does or thinks have to be pseudo empowering? It less severe irl but I can feel it spilling into work in my startup company.
I feel people on devrant are the least annoying online. Why is that?

So there was that paranoid schizophrenic person, a blonde girl with a buzz cut, and somehow she was a friend of mine. She used a Linux distro called “!!!!!!!!____!!!!!”, and convinced me it was the best distro out there. But the way she used it was… very specific.

She called me. She told me the new distro was out, this time it was called “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, and _this_ was the best one. It finally allowed her to observe the area around her neighbourhood right from her PC, through some app, and make pits in the ground. It was done with a touchscreen of a Nintendo DSi connected to her PC with something that looked like an IDE cable. You touch the area of the screen, and the pit will appear outside IRL. This was needed to trap swine-looking creatures in those pits, as they infested the land and were attacking people in packs, turning them into dirty, greyish, half-transparent lumps of gel.

I went to see her, and somehow I knew exactly how it's going to end, as if I decided to replay a game level. She lived in a rotten, mouldy, dark, half-abandoned condo building. She was also a terrible hoarder. I approach the old wooden door of her flat. It was painted over 1000 times and was barely closing. She knew I would come. She rushed outside, looked at me with her moon-sized eyes, grabbed my arm and told me:
“We have to run.”

I felt a sudden crippling rush of anxiety. I woke up. My heart was absolutely racing. My sight became darker and darker. The chest pain was consuming me, and I could barely move. I almost vomited.

That was quite a night.

I forgot how much i love godot, started a game yesterday and its already mostly functional.

Also im not a pirate irl, just wanna flex my 40k+

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

The Cloud Of Bullshit

Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.

For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.

I love it.

And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.

Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"

I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.

2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?

3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?

The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"

Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.

Native or nothing.

For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"

But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).

So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).

It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.

It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.

So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?

Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.

Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".

Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.

I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.

Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.

After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.

Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.

P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.

And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."

It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.

OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.

The cloud can suck my balls.

Holy shit, it just hit me.

I'm an IT engineer who's irl also doing woodworking. And masonry.

Is this a dream life or what

When someone you know IRL knows your devRant username and went through all your posts and comments. 😳

If I had $1 for everytime someone asked me to "fix" their slow computer, I'd be rich.

My most successful project was simple yet useful WAP service, which today could be called a „social network”. I’ve made it in 2001, when we had „boom” for GPRS in Poland and some operators offered almost unlimited access over it for some very little money. Main pillars of my WAP service were chatrooms and SMS gateways. In next few years I’ve got hundreds or even thousands of users. Lots of them met IRL, fell in love and maked families. We travelled across Poland and met with others - great young people, living in pre-FB era... That was really good time, which will, sadly, never return...

!dev, !rant
Flew to Berlin for the weekend. Kinda disappointed xD
Trash everywhere, water costs more then my kidney, ugly communist blocks and buildings everywhere(I mean, yeah, sure: GDR, but like what, did nobody build anything since then? lol), almost nothing to eat .-. (I don't think we encountered even a single "german food" place walking around Berlin)

On the flip side, roads are awesome, no construction everywhere that blocks half the roads, no cracks everywhere and the asphalt doesn't make you vibrate when you ride over it. People were nice and polite, I didn't get the overwhelming urge in stores/stalls to just place everything back on the shelves and fuck off just from talking to a cashier/clerk/worker. Food, drinks, and services were cheap as fuck(Except for water, which I'm still coping seething and malding over, I thought the "Beer cheaper than water" was a joke, or an idiom, not fucking reality).

Also got to see @Ranchonyx IRL <3
So that was the highlight of the vacation.

me on my cover letter: i'm an experienced programmer
me irl: knows exactly two languages, has to google how to write basic methods

Small feature request, but I think it would be cool if you guys could add some devducks with colored capes as well as keep the classic yellow duck as an option inside Desk Items (L).

I know its impractical to add text for obvious readability issues, but I think the base color of the actual capes would be cool, you know to match your current devduck irl :) Maybe keep the classic duck at +100 and have a higher ++ for the devducks with capes? Anyways, I'll just leave this here...
@dfox @trogus

DevDuck Cape Colors:

#222242 // Purple
#b22028 // Red
#f4f6f9 // White
#f4753e // Orange
#171615 // Black
#3a6894 // Blue

I just got ran off the road, in real life. My heart won't stop beating. Not a joke, or a funny story, I can't seem to relax.

Server admin: "When do I need to make this config change for you?"

Me (in my head): "You mean the one I put a note in the change request ticket about in ALL CAPS and surrounded by asterisks saying 3pm (aside from the scheduled time field that the ticket requires), and the one we then subsequently chatted about where I reiterated the criticality of the timing about and the one I copied you in the email chain about that said the time in big, bold letters the time? THAT config change?!"

Me (IRL): "3pm, please."

(does not inspire confidence, though better to be asked then they just go off and do it whenever the mood strikes I suppose, which HAS happened)

I wanna make online friends that program too, I would love to just sit in a call or sumn and just talk and program and ask for help or vice versa if needed. But I'm that person who also rarely already talks to his current IRL and Online friends that dont program. And can never and doesnt like to spare my own time to talk to others. I'm quite frankly screwed 😂

Anyone else here with anxieties, depression or what-not? I feel this could get heavy, but I feel this is the only place I could write this. So...

My 18-month-long programming course is slowly coming to an end. Time has come for us to be sent out to job interviews at various companies.
Every single time an interview comes up, I feel the exact same mix of my inconfidence, constant anxiety, "I'm gonna throw up", impatience and whatever else is there in my head. I figured it would get easier with each consecutive interview but it hasn't.
The questions they ask make me sick. The atmosphere is unfathomable. Robots are more humane.

- Why do you want to work with us?
I need money for my meds and something to down them with? I willingly put myself through this shit to become a corporate slave, what else is there to say? I can only hope I'll be writing any code here.

- Where do you see yourself in 2-3 years?
Far away from anything remotely related to an HR department of any sort?

- Had you been a fruit, which one would you be? Whatever would come out of my tears blended with semen? What the fuck is even that question?

Of course those aren't my actual responses, but conjuring the IRL ones to finish the process is a serious burden. And those are only some HR ones. After this barrage of questions they want my lifeless, flaccid body to write code. I mean ok, it's a software dev gig, but I already gave all I had on self-clairvoyance.

We'll be in touch!

Is there a strategy you guys have when you go to an interview? Any tips for taming the acrid beast running around in your brain? Is it too much to talk with a human in a humane language without "15 buzzwords to make the recruiter moist"?

When you talk to your terminal late night.

Me : % sleep with me
Terminal : bad character

I haven't really known what to post. But I've decided not to care about being relevant or care about the like count. I'm a very competitive person so things like like count tend to effect the way I see the quality of a post.

I want devRant to be a place where I can be honest and feel safe even if I don't get the validation I sometimes wish I had. And hey maybe someone will think my opinions or thoughts are interesting.

So let's start with a little about me. I'm a 17 year old kid that loves programming. I work full time as a full stack web developer and I'm really the only web person. The current system is built on WordPress because of fucking course it is. I don't like it but I gotta keep it user friendly for less techy people to manage. No one likes have all minor changes and tweaks having to go through one person when they could do it themselves. So I manage.

I'd say my passion is more backend development but I do love having a pretty UI to display the results.

I've struggled with mental health the past few years but I'm doing much better. Even just last week I had an anxiety attack during a social event. I came here for the community and I do enjoy it, but I'm gonna try to make it an outlet. My best friend went off to university and I don't really have any IRL friends I can just be me around.

I don't have anything special to say. But if you read this thank you for listening to some random kid on the internet. I hope you have a great day.

So, someone is trying to catfish me in some social media.
And I can make a few guesses about who it might be. Or maybe I'm being paranoid and all the accounts contacting me randomly, are just spam bots.

But this isn't the first time. From a hateful ex, to someone I turned down because I had zero feelings for, to even random stalkers who found me online and thought that I was the best choice for obsessing over, I've seen different types of online ghosts.

Like... why is it that it takes so much for some people to be decent? Why can't you just say it to my face (aka directly), get your answer, and then fuck off? And if you're actually obsessing, it is not my problem. See a fucking therapist.

Anywho, aside from the wish to be able to occasionally deliver an online slap, and occasionally wishing that everyone on the internet had an ID to be found IRL, I would like for internet to be a less hateful/harassing/terrorizing/bullying/discriminating place. I like internet. I have so many awesome friends on the internet.

I just needed to rant about it so it doesn't weigh on my mind. Now I'm gonna go back to ignoring them and living my own life peacefully. I hope y'all have a good day. 🙂

When your colleague tooks over most of your TODOs

me irl

I met a really really nice guy who I'd love to meet irl, @ribchinski
He's the type of guy who's so chill you'd want to fuck a goat with him, you get me?

When your bitch-ass co-worker inserts something that is plain useless in the program in every degree

Who doesn't love bugs, we all love them, they provide the help needed to sleep, whether they were IRL bugs or program bugs

I'm so used to CTRL+F to find stuff that I tried using it IRL on a book. I'm sad that I can't 😢

Sorry I haven't been as active lately, however this is one of the better prompts, so I feel I should have it in my track record. Beware, it's a long one...

Let's trace the roots: My uncle was building desktops and he told my dad he'd build him one if my dad paid him for the components. These days I know builds aren't rocket science, but back then my parents didn't do their research. So my dad paid him.

Give or take some time, and most of the parts are complete. He underestimated the prices of a few things and had to ask for $200 more to complete the build. This...caused my dad to explode.

Later, I heard my dad ranting to my stepmom in January 2017 about how the last convo he had with his brother was a "Fuck-you conversation" - it was the last because my uncle had died in 2003.

Flash forward to March 2017. My mom and I are sitting in a Fazoli's, a nice sunset out of the full-length windows. I had to probe. HAD TO.

"You promise you won't tell your dad I told you this?" she asked.

"You know Kellie and I can't stand to be around him." I replied.

As the story goes, that last "Fuck-you conversation"? Over a fucking measly $200. Yup, the last conversation between my dad and his brother to ever happen was a shouting match over a relatively short amount of money. I wish I could say my dad had remorse, but he doesn't. He still talks shit. He's also technologically illiterate, so I doubt there was a way his brother was going to be able to reason with him.

In late 2003, my uncle, who had been a smoker, passed away due to cardiac arrest. The build was still not finished. This was one of the OTHER things that I have mixed feelings about.

After my uncle passed, my aunt paid someone to finish the build and get it shipped to my dad. We'll get back to why I feel this is fucked up, stay tuned...

---------

It's Spring 2004. I'm in the last half of what I think is Kindergarten or some shit...too lazy to do the math. Anyway, my dad announces we have a family computer - however, I couldn't read yet. That didn't stop the waste of oxygen that is my father from going in the Windows XP screensavers and putting text in that said "GAGE MORGAN WILL NOT TOUCH THIS COMPUTER." He's such a fuckin' dick, now AND back then.

My mom had an issue with this. I don't know why, but she did. Later, I was slowly taught how to use the mouse, under heavy supervision. Then I went to my grandma's house. She taught me one very specific thing on her old Win98 (386, maybe? IDK my old hw shit man), and because I know you guys are gonna love this one:

"The blue "e" opens up your games!"
The blue "e" does not open up your games, it opens something that can lead to your games.

I went home and tried this...without permission. My dad came down and discovered my lollygagging on the homepage - this is fucking weird. It was before Nextel, IIRC, so Sprint's logo was red still. Yes, we had broadband from Sprint. I don't know what saga led to that going the way of the dodo, but...

Back on track, I literally got my pants pulled down and had my bare bottom beat. He was gonna drag my ass upstairs and lock me in my room, but before he could, he accidentally slammed MY FUCKING RIGHT TEMPLE into the corner of a hardwood table at the bottom of the staircase.

The wailing that resulted probably was different than the previous form, which is probably what got my mom involved. My dad had a way of going too far, and in retrospect I'm more terrified now of what could've happened than I was then.

Later, I was given access to games in the form of my own account and bookmarks bar. That wasn't the end of the madness/drama from my use of that machine, but it was the earliest form.

Ever since Kindergarten, that one fateful day, I've been defying any/all imposed limitations on tech set on me by my parents...well, not anymore, but literally grades K-12. I'm living on my own, aka "adulting" now. It sucks more than you think, man.

---------

Let's tie this up before I reach the limit. I said I thought it was fucked up when my aunt paid to have the build finished and shipped to us after my uncle's death.

Yes, my aunt's intervention led to me ultimately majoring in computer science.

That doesn't change the fact that she shouldn't have done it.

My dad was an asshole to her husband, who passed. She is ultimately too caring. I don't think my jackass father should've been able to get by with that, he didn't deserve the freebie. Someone else should've told him his brother did in fact need that $200.

I haven't seen her IRL since the funeral when my grandpa passed in 2005. 2006 spelled the end of my parents' marriage.

Hope you guys enjoyed this - it's only a small segment of how I got to where I am now - tiny, actually.

Since I can only post once every two hours, lemme get both these out.

Living in a rural car community, its mind blowing how many people actually program while I know none irl.

Also, who swears in their code comments?

I don't know whether it's the cabin fever due to been locked indoors or just a really shitty phase.

But lately I am having dooms day feeling and it's just growing stronger.

I feel I am losing everything. Like everything has changed or is changing and life will never be the same good old happy one.

It'll just get darker, is a feeling that haunts me. Maybe I need to get outdoors in the sun.

I am no longer able to enjoy things as much as I did in the past. I lack some passion (maybe I am just surrounded my super negative people irl).

I need more sun. I need an uplifting vibe. I need hope.

Wisdom tooth is trying to burst through my fucking gum, but it's still less annoying than a friend I have who:
- Constantly posts shitty 'inspiring' quotes on his facebook and tags everyone on his friendlist in 'em.
- Watches motivational speakers and constantly links you up to them.
- Tells you to 'aim higher' or to 'look for a job in a bigger company' or I won't achieve 'the success'.

..bitch, what kind of success have you achieved to tell me what to do with my god damn life?

What is it with inabhorrent arrogance plastered all over IT as a whole?

I get younger, inexperienced people telling me I'm wrong constantly, criticising my work despite them having no clue (visible from their own work standard and TTL of their projects) .
Similar from older generation, who are resistant to change and aren't even part of my team telling me I'm doing my job badly.

!rant ✓devrant-meetup

Met @condor irl today. He's the same weird guy as I feel at moments. Interests that don't interest people around us in any way..

Drank some beers, evidently called Belgium.
He came all the way to the town I work at.. kudos!

Talked about breadboards taking 230V via cables that aren't meant to take the voltage in any way.. Security implications in networks and online services, like Fb. Faraday's cage & how it works; and some other shit I swear I won't tell anyone about as you should be comfortable discussing it.

Quite interesting, I swear! (:

Now on the bus home, as I had to cut it short to get to some parental business... But I'm looking back on some positive social interaction, which I'll gladly re-do another time.

Condor, it was sure nice to meet ya. I'll come your way next time. That ~10eu for your transport will be equalled some day in the near future.

@FunkDelegate sorry it was badly timed and plaved, you'll join us soon enough! At least you saw decent ass! xD

I hate when I’m telling a story about something that happened that frustrated me and then the person I’m speaking to interrupts to say “I don’t know why you’re taking it out on *me*” and I’m like “I’m not, I’m just telling you the …” “You’re shouting at me!” “I fucking WASN’T [BUT I AM NOW]” and then I can’t finish my goddamn rant and instead of getting the goddamned thing out of my system I’m just fucking frustrated and seething.

DB relationships are giving me headache...just as regular relationships IRL

How do you debate the "it's more complex in my opinion" statement?

So, some months ago I was looking at some code which has stuff as 300 lines of code function(s) and I could feel the bad smell irl...

I analyze it a bit and there is a lot of stuff which is misplaced, repeated or unsafe.
I first re-arrange it and remove redundancy, then break it down in about five functions (plus a caller), all is now readable and assignIcon k(made-up name) only assigns an icon, it doesn't also send a rocket in space.

But then I put the code in review and the previous author of the code says that it's now unreadable, because s/he has to look as multiple functions. I counter by showing how s/he does not need to read 300 lines of code to find a bug, but approximately 60, and I point at how misleading having an `assignIcon` function which also sends rockets in space is.
The counter? "But it looks confusing to have smaller functions, revert it."

How would you debate that? I am shy and hate myself a lot, so I have issues debating good points, but I am really really sure a lot of bugs I encountered were due to stuff like this so I would like to be able to explain my point in a more efficient way, for future teams.

#justdevthings
That moment when you're so engrossed in your project that you lose track of time. You begin to SEE code irl, not just on screens. Things like hunger, environment and a sense of time fade away. That feeling when the code just works, but better when it doesn't and you figure out a smart fix. Oh gosh ill pay to feel like that all day.

I wrote a shitty layout for an android side project. It haunted me. I could still SEE the shitty xml long after the pc was shut down. I had a nightmare about it and woke up sweating, and all I could see was xml. Fkin xml man. I redid the layout at 3am and boy was i so satisfied.
I think that was just the tetrix effect taking its toll on me.

I always got screwed by parents for being on that machine all day, back in school. But none of that matters now. I can now feel the code running in my veins and flowing into the machine. I can now feel my heart throbbing at the sight of such beauty. They ask how i manage my social life. I say everything goes well until i start a side project, that's when social life gets fucked hard. I think I'm gonna die one day after performing the final commit.

This is easy. Irl fork and acquire commands to let me reposess the knowledge of my children.
Things i can do while playing games:
0: work
1: sleep
2: eat
3: sex
4: workout
5: travel the world
6: troll my ex
7: read every post on DevRant

OK people, I don't need a novel written for every line of code, but PLEASE STOP trying to tell me that "yOuR coDe sHouLd bE sELf dOcUmeNtiNg aNd cOmMenTs mEaN iT's aUtoMaTiCaLLy bAd". That's a bunch of BS. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've saved my own butt by dropping a "this call can't be awaited; causes the library's internal API to throw an error" comment in my C#, or a "can't use double quotes here; doesn't work right for some reason" line in my JavaScript. Sometimes there are very good but un-obvious reasons why something was done a certain way, even though it looks like it could be done better. And don't try to tell me "the tests will catch it". Let's be realistic here, nobody has 100% test coverage on any project that's much more than "Hello World". And even if the tests DID catch it, why waste the time when you could just write a comment?

P.S.: This is not directed at anyone on here specifically. It's directed at all the devs I've met IRL and the comments I've seen on SO, who think that comments must be bad.

I wish I could declare variables IRL so I wouldn't have to repeat myself 6 times in a row before being acknowledged. Yes, the client left these fields empty, that's why the form returned an error as it should have. No, it's not the code's fault. For once.

I am strong technically, resourceful, with good analytical thinking, but I suck at comms. I lack patience and I struggle with communicating in a politcorrect business-friendly language when reaching out to other technical teams. I feel and behave as if they were all local folks, as if in a walking distance from my desk, when irl they [the client] may as well be on a diff continent

How can I improve? Anyone else had a similar problem? How did you overcome it?

Is this nuance going to be a problem in a career path past the senior chair?

What do you reckon?

For the very First time, I am gonna take my Environmental Science exam Online.
Writing the effects of deforestation and how to protect trees and how people doing bullshit to forests, blah blah...in the paper actually made me guilt.

Thanks #lockdown for some of the positive changes.

At the shop, buying cigarettes.
Me: give me *** cigarettes
Cashier: sure, you want one click, double click...
Me: do you have a right click?

So here's a rant I never thought I'd write.

I'm pretty happy with my current job. I'm working for a small non-tech business where I'm making a complete solution by myself. It's pretty chill just coding away all day and being my own project owner and manager.

The iffiest aspect is that my boss(es) don't know what (or if) I'm working on when I'm implementing a vital logging system, fixing bugs that cropped up due to implementing necessary, baseline security, and so on. They see a login page and figure the entire project is shippable, and when the login breaks because I'm configuring the wsgi for https the reaction is "it worked, why mess with it; just put it how it was". But I digress.

Today I got a job offer with a pay increase that made me exclaim "are you fucking serious" irl, in a business with a more professional environment consisting of senior devs, and with benefits I had never heard of.

I can't not accept, but that means just legacying the entire project I'm working on here. They'd basically be left with nothing after shelling out wages for me for these few months. Keep in mind this is a fairly small business who debated if they could afford this to begin with.

Disregarding whether they are willing/able to make it hard for me to leave, it stabs me in my scrubby dev soul to up and leave on a personal level.

They had a 3d printer at the other place though.

Some of people should have destructor directly connected to their constructor.. irl.

IDK, man.. It feels like we're stuck.

Looking back at 19xx we got the Moon landing, basically, all the computer protocols that are the essence of what we have today, all the inventions' ideas patented (started even earlier -- 18xx), ...

To me, it feels like scientific progress was at its peak in the past 200 years and has now slowed down considerably.

IDK, perhaps I'm living under a rock, but all I can see is building consumerism on top of what's been discovered/created in the past 200 years and not actually creating/doing anything new and original and actually useful.

Don't you feel like we're stuck in the age where we're enjoying the fruits of discoveries made by our grandparents and are too lazy to make new ones?

If so, then what's next? When are we going to (if ever) get bored by the comfort zone we are in now? What follows then? Progress or regress? Or the MadMax IRL?

What do you lads think?

Women at 32 after delivery vs me at the age 21 who gazing at the laptop to find errors in my code

A recruiter came to my school last month to (supposedly) tell us what are the hottest skills to have under our belts. The event ended up like a devRant IRL.

Even in a space station... RTFM !!!

Can AI recognize fake smiles?

Context:
So, my good-for-nothing brother-in-law comes with his toddler. I'm pissed at him for reasons, but gentlemen are always polite IRL and look at each other for greetings.
His toddler has always loved me and runs towards me. But see my fake-ass smile and suddenly she is shy and nervous.
She has noticed the stealth-fake smile that fooled her mother and grandmother.

Can AI do that? are there enough markers to differentiate a fake smile from a real one? Or is it waaay to personal?
If is it trivial, can someone please make a fake-smile coach app?

A follow up about Mozilla IRL spotify radio.

Very interesting talk relates to internet and privacy in gerenal. (Not about programming btw)

Eg: Bose headphone app sends your data to data broker,
which ransomware rated with top customer service,
how to setup a bait for catching Twitter bots

It feels like Mozilla is fighting for justice.
I'm totally sold.

To all dark theme lovers:
If you want an IRL dark theme just remove all the windows.

Anyway, so I've been learning the basics of Python and Kotlin since a week, I just wanted to ask if I could get IDEs and resources for both of them.

Also I know more IRL languages than programming languages, just saying.

Some of you coders are absolute chads IRL

Height of my career would be ability to travel and work from anywhere in the world without having to worry about finances or restrictions.

My IRL backgrounds will be better than Zoom backgrounds.

My css skills applied irl...

I am living my dream.

I have a nice fam, enough capital, a job I enjoy, I'm enjoying the life in this world every day now. And yesterday I caught myself in a moment that 10 years ago I thought only happens in movies. An engineer participating in a meeting with the client while riding on a motorcycle.

I mean, how cool is that! It may not seem like much now, because it was a necessity - I had to be at 2 places at once. But a 10 years younger me would wet his pants if he knew I would one day be doing that IRL.

How about you? How would a 10 years younger you feel about the _now_ you?

Why does the phrase, "Software Developer", always lead to the question, "You're a hacker??!"

A senior dev I’ve interacted with only on Twitter, whom I looked up to, who has blog, newsletter, buzzword tweets and all that jingles.

Met them IRL today.
Dayum 😷
They talk about all the things they know about, on the internet. But, shocked to see how many simple things they didn’t know.

@SidTheITGuy IRL

Anyone else starting to perceive real life and communicating with people using logical gate thinking?
I think I need vacation because communicating with non tech/code savy people requires an effort..

I just searched like half an hour for a book.. Then I started tabbing to Google but it wasn't working.. I was a bit shocked when I noticed this was real live.

i just saw a macbook pro 13" for the first time in my life irl in a shopping mall

1) what the fck

2) how the fkc can someone work on a screen This small, my fckin dick is bigger than this screen

3) who the fkkk buys such a small screen laptop at a price of $3777 !!!!!!!

Me irl

Fuck forced coding conventions in uni, especially if they are as stupid as Google's Java Conventions. They are a disgrace to nice code but we will have to use them going forward

Stupid spaces everywhere. Else on the same line, wtaf. And don't even get me started on indentation with fucking spaces. Tabs are superior in every single way fite me irl

I think I've officially changed everything over on my dev rant profile. I love all the options for the avatars. I wish changing myself in real life were this easy.

Our designer currently

Whenever I see anyone mentioning anything about JavaScript (IRL or the interwebs), I desperately want to join the conversation.

Just for fun

the problem of being slightly competent is that they'll give you more and more work others aren't doing. sucks to be the one carrying the party irl

When you start saying 'email' for regular irl mail and then subsequently describe it as 'irl mail' it might be time to log off...

So today I gave my superiors at work a piece of my mind about the pc I sit on (I was/am not happy about it). I am expected to use Photoshop and Illustrator on a pc with 8gb ddr3 1333mhz and no graphics card, except for the one integrated in Intel's processor, which also is super outdated. Like you couldn't get more than $80 for the entire machine. So, today I ranted towards them irl and my message has finally seemed to sink in. Fuck.

The way I feel about myself when my client is 100% satisfied with my code!

Got to see money printing irl today!!

It’s disturbing !!

Is the office dead in the dev world? Does everyone prefer to work remote from home, coffee shops or Coworking spaces? Or is there still value in working as a team irl, but modern office culture is killing it?

my 3 year old youngest child just yelled 'hello world' but didn't told me if he echoed or printed it.

irl i sadly do not expect my computer passion to be inherited to one of them 😕

What's the most interesting use for a QR code (or any other 2D code) you have seen?

#RANT_AHEAD

Almost everyone nowadays uses a PC, Laptop, Smartphone but sadly not even 60% of the total potential of the hardware is being used.
.
And no - you don't require custom cooling to use the whole 100% of the total potential, stock cooling is more than enough.
.
IRL "programmers" these days don't do any fscking effort to optimise their code and give it all up as some kinda shitty "hot patch" - code of their looks disturbing with no security features + optimisation. (wAnBlOwS products remain an example)
.
Even when you're using python you can push your project to limits. Instead of shoving face-size ASCII banners why don't chaps stress test their projects? Oh I forgot the community runs on show-offs and CVs ...

.
Note to Self : Optimisation is the key to integrate Technology with Nature.

Being drunk I keep thinking I can't get back the years I didn't spend programming when I was 16-20. What do now? Want to do Web but all I know is a micro part of everything. I can make a demo in old Unity. I have shitty basic skills in Java, Python, Pascal, JS + React. Also basic UX, Adobe design programs like AI, PS and ID. Nothing proper, and home projects just don't seem to cut it. Irl bards can't get no work

I'm tired of taking breaks, only to find bugs IRL.

I draw the line at my grapes throwing an exception!

Debugging the crane game app, my ISPs aggro DHCPv6 query vs their WAN6 scripting and the label printer at Quest Labs was annoying enough.

I don't even know how to tag this.

A day ago I tried ordering a coffee and doughnut on Doordash. I thought, I must be too tired/missing something. Dunkin' Donuts didn't have doughnuts on the menu, despite the header of "Donuts and Bakery", I called them... A few minutes later the reason was found. Their PoS system upgraded, changing the formatting of the doughnut options so a minor bug caused it to show as fully updated, despite actually disabling the doughnut menu options... today it's the weirdest, possibly inappropriate-looking, grape I've ever seen... and I grow 5 varieties of grapes. Maybe if I get drunk enough(wine?) later, I'll be able to not debug or re-engineer anything for a few hours.

Any suggestions on how to stop iterating through a debugging loop IRL 24/7 is certainly welcolmed.

Now, wtf do I do with this, mildy disturbing, grape?

That's funny how I'm pretty sure I had interaction on devRant with people I know IRL, without the possibility to verify. I like the mystery that maybe the guy I saw commenting or ranting is someone I am familiar with.

Git commands IRL

It works perfectly most of the time..except few

>World War 3 outside
>Calls boss
Me: Can't come into work today, I died
Boss: This is going against your monthly performance review.

i just went out with a new girl

shes so beautiful irl omg

much younger

starts her first year of college on 1st october and goes to same engineering college i graduated from

shes so fun to talk to

her face so beautiful i could look at it for hours

her eyes too

she even prepared a list of questions for me

one of the questions is what brainrot terms do i know

what the fuckj, how can a female be this much damn cool?

she also mentioned she wanna become a mom at around 24, so asked if i can cook, what music i listen to, etc

she has a very strict father figure but she loves her dad (HIGHLY IMPORTANT SIGN OF A NON-WHORE FEMALE)

and also asked me where do i see myself in the next 2-3 years.

i didnt realize it at first but i just did now--she was testing to see if i can be the potential father of her kids in the next 2-4 years when she turns around or close to age 24!!! holy shit.

this means i need to lock in and get fucking rich cause having a girl this fun smart beautiful and respectful (all of the traits my ex whore does NOT have), would be a fucking tragic waste if i dont lock her in❗️❗️

she was fixing her hair putting lipstick on and i knew she was into me

so i hugged her, then i tried kissing her she said "next time", so i said lets do a quick kiss at least, and we kissed.

then she held my hand barely letting me go.

just met her for first time ever.

what the hell just happened

how did i pull a 10/10 like this, with an 8 yr age gap, and she doesnt even care about my materialistic stuff

1. God opened my eyes to show me how my blonde ex was whoring behind my back

2. I dumped my whore ex

3. God helped me buy a brand new beamber

4. God sent me this new girl as a reward for my suffering from the previous whore

this girl has made me requestion if all women are whores--perhaps i may be wrong

Why are the requirements changed at the end of the day and make the developers work all night. I am not your goat.

Anyone at the Junior level coming from a UX and Front End mixed background get frustrated while applying to jobs furthering learning new libraries while circling around to software or CMS's they haven't used in months/years? Feels like a scope creep IRL.

ME IRL:

-submits pull request-

-goes to close some windows .... er ... naw-

-creates new virtual desktop to work in and leaves the old desktop / code open in case there are some bugs that pop up in production...-

to add a bit of fancyness i print the scripts name and 'by' my 'artists name' whenever scripts are executed. today i got a call 'it says error on line 1, what did i do wrong?' i am still laughing tears. did not consider this programmers joke to have an impact irl.

when i was like 14 i saw techs trying to manually reorder a pile of 8 drives back into a RAID array, they asked for help holding the drives and when their backs were turned I first-tried the order

i've had a lot of luck with RNG shit and that day i found out it transferred to IRL shit too.

Also I noticed the small faded stickers with 0 to 7 dots on them.

That moment when you see a post from someone you know irl on devRant

Happy new years! I hope you are able to take steps towards or end up accomplishing your dreams this year. You all have the best genitals and are very attractive. If you run into anyone IRL very less fortunate than you, consider letting them rant to you and maybe lending them a helping hand. Theres lots of unfortunate voices unheard out there. Keep being the best and don’t let the world get you down!

When you got to get through the swarm of elective classes to get to the meat of the bones in a Software Development degree 😤

How many times do we need to take Math in order to get across that we only use like 1/4 of what is actually thought and apply it to IRL scenarios?!

My FASFA is gonna run dry at this rate and I just wanna start these Software Development classes already 🙄😭🙏

Today I finally got around to reading the manuals for my appliances as my Dryer didn't seemed to be working.

Apparently there is a filter that should be cleaned...

How it's not broken, it may be out of warranty...

Also the manual showed that the model that came with my new apartment is actually the cheapest version...

Been way too long since I did something that wasn't WordPress, so I decided to take some spare time this weekend to scratch-build something and get around to finally learning how to transition from Foundation 5 to 6 while I'm at it (since jQuery compatibility requirements mandate I finally make that jump going forward...).

Started off with a plan for a custom-designed CMS built around a personal research project I've been doing. Worked it all out mentally. Then got started and realized I probably want to start by securing the system and provisioning for user accounts, so I've been working on that all weekend so far...

On the plus side, I've written a pretty nice user management module for any future personal projects, and have *finally* gotten around to learning how to do prepared statements in MySQLi.

On the neutral side, I still haven't gotten around to building any of the substantive stuff I set out to work on this weekend because I've been helping a friend out IRL with some non-programming stuff.

Such is the way it goes, eh? Hoping tonight I'll finally finish up with the administrative items and be able to get down to building the actual meat of the project.

I will legit punch the next irl person in the face if they I hear the term "growth hacking" from their orifice.

What's your punch worthy bullshit buzzword.

Need UX opinion.

I need to make a menu which is a single point for everything. Hierarchical menus is the default nowdays, but they get tedious as the entries' list grows and clicks-to-goal can become high af very quickly.

By "single point for everything" I mean that there's only one menu, as tiny (screen-space-wise) as possible, containing hierarchy of options.

What are other options?

What's your opinion on radial menus? I often see them in games and various eye-candies. Radials would solve the overflowed-list problem with classic menus (as radials can have multiple layers of items around the core) and they seem tiny. And I can easily imagine them in touch-enabled devices. How bad are they irl? Are they used in web or just in native apps? What are the trends?

I did my share of research but there's surprisingly little info covering this tool :)

A good IRL metaphor for strong typing is how germans use their pronouns (der/die/das).
Throw your stones guys, but honestly: I hate that too :D

Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a problem — after his army service, he got so used to cold that he could only sleep on a raw, cold metal grill. Usually, normal people put mattress on top, but Erdogan didn’t feel right this way. So, in one of his personal prisons, he established a social project for making a full metal bed for himself.

For starters, to calculate the shape, he took the smallest man ever (3 inches high) with his fingers and sunk him into molten plastic. “What are you doing?! It hurts!” — man screamed. “Shut up. You’re on an important mission. Your motherland won’t forget you.”
After three months, the bed was ready. It was more of the same — metal bars, but this time with some kind of structure built of metal hinges, rebar and strong springs. This was the day — this was the big reveal event. It took place in the same prison — three prisoners were ready to lay on their new full metal beds, while news crews congratulated Erdogan and celebrated his greatness. “Well, it is time!” — he said.
Prisoners laid flat. An awful screeching sound. Prisoner number two is bleeding out. The spring mechanism broke out and impaled his chest onto a large metal bar. He’s not breathing.
“Shut it down. Shut it all down. No more cameras, no more news”, — said Erdogan.
“Yes, our master”, — said news crews.

They wanted to draft me to Afghanistan.
“No!”, — a young officer shouted, misgendering me — “He doesn’t know the stages of pain. Useless.”
“Are you perhaps arguing pain with a bipolar patient?” — I replied.
“You are a rave. Nothing but a rave.”

Raves spawned near your doors at night. Sometimes, they even spawned on the inside. I can’t say you were in danger, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to happen to anyone. They looked ugly. They dressed weird. They spoke in riddles.
“How do I move to Europe?”, — a rave asked.
“I…”
“Shut up!”
Rave took a door, suspiciously painted over and over multiple times, and started to slam my door with it, using it as a ram.
My door started giving in.

Alarm system.
On a separate note, to disable the alarm system, you have to speedrun Stanley Parable. It’s the hardest speedrun ever, specifically its hidden ending. It disables all alarm systems in three-mile radius IRL. No one knows how it works, but it does. Back to the danger zone!

“The better quality time you spend sitting on your toilet, the more you’ll live.”, — an officer said.
“I once had a girl blow me while I was shitting,” — Matthias replied — “You have nothing on me.”
“Fair enough!”

It is a little known fact, but the liquid that Northern cities use to clean up snow isn’t quite what it seems like. It’s not salt — in reality, there are bases on Mars, and they store pink goo that… “iMpRoVeS” dead bodies. The liquid is biological in nature, and it expires. Expired liquid is recycled as snow melter. You learn that in high school, but now, living on a train, you should know that there are special learning rooms here, in every. single. carriage. The small gym ball with two handles on its sides is called Gandhi ball. Fun fact: if you wear headless Segways on top of your shoes, and then lay flat holding a Gandhi ball, you can reach the speed of 270 kph!

Today’s news: a Reddit moderator and a legless woman gave birth to a living sex toy for their domestic boar.

I have lived without any social media on my phone (except YouTube sadly) for the past 1.5 month or so. It been great tbh. But the downside is that I can’t check devRant that easily. So I haven’t touched this social media for the past month. I have decided to reinstall devRant. So I’m back!

I have started an amazing internship at the best possible company I could possible imagine, whilst I was gone. It is so cool to finally see what developing software looks like irl.