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Some guy my girlfriend knows, heard I'm a software developer. He had this 'great' idea on how he wanted to start a new revolutionary way of paying on the internet. He wanted to create a service like paypal but without having the hassle of logging in first and going through a transaction. He wanted a literal "buy now" button on every major webshop on the internet. When I asked him how he thought that would work legally and security wise, he became a bit defensive and implied that since I'm the tech guy I should work out that kind of stuff. When the software was ready, he would have clients lined up for the service and his work would start.
I politely declined this great opportunity14 -
I need a site with seo and advertisement.
The page should make about 750€ per month. I will only pay after site is complete and pays out.
You will get 150€5 -
Boss: lets set the domain to <productName>1.com.
Me: ok ... why 1?
Boss: ... because its version 1 of the software.
Me: .....
Boss: People will get it6 -
A Professor of mine - We need u to build that website so that your juniors could work on it too after u leave.
Me - Sure, I'll have docs and vcs
Prof : Whatever, at the end we need the "exe" ready.
---------😇4 -
Dude! I have this amazing idea for a website! It's like a social network but for videos!
- uh like youtube?
No! Totally different because in this social network you could share the videos with your friends.
- so... like youtube
No man! Cause you could also rate and comment the videos!
- like youtube?
No! You're just not getting it man!
-...13 -
An app that lets you turn on the camera on someone's laptop to see if they're around. I'm not even kidding. She said it would be a social media thing... creeper.3
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Me: Why is there such a delay between the app and the hardware device?
Colleague: Ah, same old same old, TCP is just an inefficient protocol. We should stop development and build our own replacement to TCP.
(PS. The actual problem was his code)9 -
Some people wanted me to implement an alternative to the Google PlayStore, which should someday replace the official PlayStore....
Yeah sure3 -
From the director of the department within a large investment bank: "We will be looking into converting all Java code to Cobol because it is easier to work with".
Needless to say I started looking for a new job that night.6 -
Any time someone gets an idea that they talk to me about 'I want to build an app can you build apps'
Me : I'm not amazing at it but I can certainly try what's the idea?
Them: it's like Facebook but...
Me: that's plenty2 -
“Can’t you just open up my iPhone right now and check what’s wrong with it??”
My response: “See, you already know what to do! Since it’s so easy, why don’t you just do it yourself?” -
"So we have 20GB of data, we need to show ALL of it on the graph ... oh yea it needs to work on mobile"8
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Friend : What about a place where you can share images ?
Me : Instagram !
Friend : chatting ?
Me : whatsapp, messenger, etc
Friend : file sharing
Me : Dropbox
Friend : sharing videos ?
Me : youtube
Friend : mail with all above features
Me : google
Friend : I hate my life6 -
Friend = F
Me = M
F: We should combine everything that's awesome with stackoverflow and slack together.
M: that sounds like a really bad idea.
F: We can call it SLACKOVERFLOW ~laughs maniacally~
M: I think you've drank too much tonight dude...4 -
Once a friend came to me asking for help building an app, I asked him what his idea was and he said, "It's an app that builds apps! Think about it, people could just tell it what kind of app they want and it could build anything for them automatically! Can you believe no one has done this?"7
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A: There is not even a single forum for cyber security. Let's build one.
Me: Are you sure that there is not even a single forum?
A: Yes, I'm a cyber security expert. I have 5 years of experience in this field.
Me: **walks out quitely**1 -
It's going to be Instagram, but better. I have lots of friends so it'll have lots of users.
Okay.... You have how many friends?2 -
My neighbor(He is 14 I think) pitched this to me and wanted advice since he was going try to participate in the Google science fair.
Him:"A robot that gives you medical advice. You just tell it your symptoms and voila! You've got your diagnosis. No doctor required."
Me: "How are you going to decide what disease the user has?"
Him:" I'm just going to write an if-else ladder statement. I've already got some of the data from this site called WebMD. It's amazing."
Me: "Go with something simple. What you're suggesting won't work out."
He told me I didn't have "Vision".
His ditched his project last week.18 -
Client: Can you build a Webshop and make it SEO,SEM and advertising-friendly?
Me: I COULD TRY. Whats your budget?
Client: Up to 400€
At this point I slowly faded away.9 -
Boss: We need health data for this iOS app.
Me: Cool, so we'll use apples HealthKit.
Boss: No that requires the user agrees to it.
Me: ... well yeah ... its private data.
Boss: No we need it to work regardless. If the user says no to HealthKit, just give them textfields for all the metrics HealthKit has and they can enter manually.
Me: .... but ... eh ....
Boss: and we'll partner with some companies and support their devices.
Me: ... see, the thing is ...
Boss: We also need to store it locally and then sync it to the cloud app. What do you think?
Me: ... ... ... no2 -
A social media alarm clock where people around the word will push the alarm button until you wake up.8
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roommate: lets start a startup!
me: sure, what do you have in mind?
roommate: nothing, I need a team first.
oh come on!1 -
At college (UK) and taking a general IT course (databases, programming, networking) a friend suggested "We should make our own network protocol." (The only language we had covered at the time was Visual Basic)4
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Employer: I want to make a search engine but only for our products.
Me: Sure. It's called an eshop.
Employer: You know that eshops are not engines right?
Me: Technology has changed the past few years. (hidden irony)
Employer: I guess that's geeky stuff. Tell me more about this.
Me: First, you need to upgrade your flash eshop.
Employer: (frustrated) You IT people always want to do things your way, aren't you? Nevermind, let's get to business, how can I make my site better?1 -
Started off as an ok pitch. I was an advertgame developer at the time.
This company wanted a medieval styled platformer with a simple progression system that would integrate with their game store. Sounded like a fun project but when I created a planning and offer they immediately rejected it because they figured anything over 400 dollars was too much for a non AAA game...
Some people... lol2 -
"I have the best idea in the world" Starts defining reddit with paid content curators. Says that after we develop this "nobody will need to use Google again". Arranges a team of +20 people. Budget is 5000 €.3
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A social network for diabetic people.
I was the one who came up with the idea tbh
(It was a joke) Dia-buddies
(Hi Esben lol)5 -
Client wanted a website to offer rentals for her collection of student rental properties. She was adamant and stipulated that it had to be the Rightmove of student lets. I asked her if she had a £million plus budget for the marketing and then some for the infrastructure and mobile app development. She disapeared. Months later I checked the URL she had purchased and it had been done as a free site on wix.com and was a dreadful piece of shit. You just know instinctively that a client is going to be worthless.
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I was going to be a wizard for Halloween, but since I am expected to perform magic year round at the request of clients, I might change it up for one night of the year.1
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Last week somebody pitched me an idea to share documents, photos and other files. He never heard of Dropbox...
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Do you know whats worse than someone reach you for an idea " Lets create X existing app, but..." ?
Its "Lets clone that app, we will sell the service cheaper than the cloned app, you do all the job, se urity, hosting, administrating, and we will split the revenue 50/50."
Just happened.1 -
Well create a Googleing machine and infuse it with code words which it automatically searches till the Google AI thinks I am a ( ) programmer and gives me a job offer.this was my last night's dream . How Hard Can it Be?!!!
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Well, some guy at one of weddings I've attended, when he found out I was a dev, he started his pitch about shopping mall maps. Even tho I was quite drunk, I easily explained him this idea sucks and told him it's a freaking Google maps feature..2
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100,000$ budget for a website that mixes all YouTube, Facebook and Twitter features as per today.
The guy has a lot money to loose. I don't have enough time for this shit.6 -
Oh, I've got one.
Selfie trash can. It captures your selfie and uploads it to social media whenever you the throw trash, to promote usage of trash can!6 -
Guy: A social network with some very special features that nobody else has.
Me: Okay. Let's discuss these features so I can write you a quote.
Guy: I can't talk about that until I know how much an app costs.
Commence an impasse over whether I can quote something without knowing the features. And yes, I tried explaining he should get a NDA. And no, a NDA wasn't good enough; I need to quote it without any knowledge of the features.1 -
"I know this guy who works in the service centre where they fix ATMs. He reckons if you could create a hacked copy of the OS, he could install it on a machine, then we can go and withdraw unlimited money from it!"
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Alright, guys. You have complete autonomy over this project, from ideation to execution. You can do exploratory interviews to find out what potencial customers would think, you can come up with prototypes, you can choose whatever tech stack you deem fit for the job. The only requirement is that it must be a beauty product. Oh, and that it must have a way to publish this ton of pictures of models our client has. Oh, and it must handle payments and inventory. And it may integrate with third party software. And users need to save the pictures they like. And a booking system. Is that hard to understand?2
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Let's take this on-site, single-tenant, heavyweight ASP.Net app, and start offering it "in the cloud"... by provisioning an entire 4GB Windows Server VM with SQL Server for every single customer.2
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Studying on computer science has its cons mainly when every other student thinks we can hack Facebook and wifi. Computer science==hacking.1
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A Google app that would let you tag good skating locations on Google maps. The idea itself wasn't stupid, there was just already a more generalized app that did a damn good job of it already. (That's how I figured out that most "like (blank) but for (blank)" project ideas are dumb)3
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Client had this great idea for a business where he would kennel dogs at his house and have a premium upgrade to the service where he would sell dog treats and other items as well as have a private members only area where they could view their dog.
My first question was "Is there any demand from your customers for such things and what type of budget do you have?"
His response was "I don't have much of a budget but I can give you some hockey tickets and give you a stake in the profit."
I politely declined. He didn't even have any cameras in his house to pull off such a thing, either let alone he didn't have a boarding license. Oh clients.3 -
When I was in college I was approached by an entrepreneur whose "search engine" idea consisted of scraping the search results of Google and posing them as his own results (after a little shuffling and filtering). Needless to say I declined.2
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Client: can you build a website like that for the MissWorld competition and it should have a payment gateway.
Me: what other requirements do you have?
Client: hmmn..just something to showcase our agency.
Me: what's ur budget?
Client: around $100
Me: ** you must be kidding **2 -
Let's make an OS. It's easy, you just need to know how to program in autorun.inf
P.S. This was an avid Mac user -
Boss: I'm thinking something like a facebook wall...
For a site where people access once, download what they need, and never come back.5 -
"It's like social media, except like Facebook: except instead of poking, you can 'nudge' people!"
http://youtu.be/1LZU8oa2RqQ -
Client had this 'good' idea in his web app for a local 'image viewer'. One of his clients doesn't want anything in the cloud so he said: why don't we just make a browse button, that way they can view their files but don't have to upload anything!
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It's exactly not an idea but it pisses me off when people say we're Uber for xyz or were Amazon of xyz. Just finding special use cases of other startups.1
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In 2011
Brother: (early morning *getting excited*) I want to create a website like that of YouTube but having features of facebook like chatting etc. Let's do a project and create that using html(entirely). I will call my friends and we will write all the html codes on a paper and then type that on notepad.
Me: FML.2 -
A project called instawish...
Basically its get pictures from famous people instagram ( watches, clothes, shoes ) and allow you to project on yourself using AR (vufforia) just creating the model based on the image. Simple as hell!5 -
You can do java program on dance platform, even on beach platform... Because it is platform independent
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"what about a messaging app, that has all the features of skype, whatsapp, viber, hangouts, fb messenger & co - everybody would use it over the others"1
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Social media site/app... I think social media is such a saturated market yet everyone seems to think their spin is somehow unique and worthwhile...
Although, not sure if DevRant counts as 'social media' but tbh I see real value in getting developers to form a community, where to profit potential comes from potentially linking developers to recruiters/employers (targeted ads to devs for shit we would want). And devs get a nice platform to socialize and bullshit about things we all experience (ie, the 'community' is real and valuable to us)1 -
"I want to create an app that rates other people. That way law enforcement officials know whether or not to trust them"2
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My dumb friend: "let's make a website. put all the advertisements and the website is just all about advertisements!"
Me: "...."2 -
In a startup WE: "I want to create airdrone who can detect agression and survey people by flying on the street. I'll call it Big Brother."
WTF dude ?!1 -
Dad: "Why can't I find a person who can develop a secure, online swap meet, with a custom currency, which uses the companies Filemaker database for every tranfer, within a month"
I really wished this wasn't the core of his whole project1 -
I was on a 3 hour flight back home, guy next to me ask what I'm working on, I say it's a personal project. Somehow we get on the topic of "I wanna make an app which shows inspirational quotes on the screen whenever someone turns on the screen".
Also, he wants to make it for the iPhone.
Shortly after, I told him the flight was giving me a headache and it would be better if I slept the rest of the flight.1 -
Stupid project ideas pitched at me?
Well, basically everything my friends ever mentioned.
NO I don't wanna help you do shady things... and as soon as someone drops the word hacking I route the whole conversation to my inner /dev/null2 -
Migrate a site to a new web CMS... by rendering all current pages as static html files and copying it to a new server.
(true story) -
Every project from mlm guys (like amway). They are so confident after the mind trainings but they do not understand shit. They won't stop asking for a favor and they will pay "percentage" of revenue...
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A friend of mine wants to create a app with server side to listen music, like Spotify. The result: have to wait 5 minutes to login on the app1
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Good for a laugh
https://youtu.be/onqh1BJ-Q3U
TL:DR: A balloon-suspended system of cables, motors, and pulleys capable of moving people, cargo, and cameras. Think of the possibilities!2 -
Dumbest project for me was separating a company into four different companies (four different phone systems) because they were under legal fire.
They wanted it separated but still function the same. There is still the possibility that the companies will merge back together.
Those. Fucking. Asshats. -
We got a whole semester (≈70 hours actual time), let's do a MMO ..a little one maybe.
..We did a Memory in WPF -
Basically any idea without any monetizing strategy whatsoever or just the idea of "selling data". What data and to whom?!
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After several brutal company failures to build yet another "Groupon Clone" internally back when Groupon was cool, it was pitched as an idea to bolt a clone onto the successful site.
Legal ramifications aside, I am still utterly amazed that project got shut down in a culture of yes-men. -
Hey, make a whole tracking interface, that's at least a month's worth of work, for something that R&D is actively working towards making obsolete in 3 weeks.
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I have a function called evil_js_cleaner because there is a js menu plug-in that a colleague made me use as part of a new standardized font end template . When using the js menu , it would put a bunch of extra garbage into my php _REQUEST array.1
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