What kind of psychopath comments code UNDERNEATH??

I see, my IDE has mastered semantics. Next step is to master context as well.

1. Customer wants X.
2. Developer delivers X.
3. Customer wants developer to change X to Y for free.
4. Developer demands money.
5. Customer gets mad.
6. Developer compares situation to ordering a hamburger, consuming it, and demanding a pizza for free because customer didn't like the hamburger.
7. Customer pays

I used to work with a guy who had 2 PH.Ds, in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering and over 600 patents but I kid you not the guy could not use the coffee machine. Now it's not like this coffee machine was as easy as a Keurig, it was some $20,000 espresso machine that took a while to figure out but I tried teaching him how to use it a few dozen times and still he couldn't get it right. It got to the point where I thought he was faking it so that others would make it for him so I offered him $500 if he could figure it out. Still nope. So for the remaining 2 years we worked together I made him coffee whenever he wanted, 2-4 times a day, and he bought me lunch everyday. Before I left the company I bought him a Keurig so that when I left he'd still have coffee.

I'm pretty sure Shakespeare didn't say that.

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

Does anyone else suddenly lose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?

This should not on me; my IDE does this !!

Me: Lol worst code I've ever written but hey it mostly works and I'll probably never have to deal with it aga⁠—

Future me, dealing with it again: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So my boss is staring a new security oriented product and he asked one of my colleagues to prepare a presentation about the possible attacks on the product.

During the presentation there was a section on DoS attacks. The boss didn't know what DoS was and after a brief explanation, he interrupted the presentation and said DDoS is not a threat because there is no data stolen. This is a webapp.

🤔 If developers were linguists...

Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?

Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.

Dark mode on Twitter.
Dark mode on my phone.
Dark mode on my heart.
Dark mode on my life.

This little guy came and went in between my arm and my belly. He must be having a rough day. Just kinda glad I can make it better :)

The constant back and forth between imposter syndrome and God complex

Pair programing on project with friend.

We both feel like the other person is doing all the work and we are not really helping.

Twice the developer power, twice the imposter syndrome.

Whenever you're feeling like a fraud and you think you're not good enough.

My team is like the Avengers except instead of different superpowers we all have different personality disorders.

Overheard from the room next to mine:
Person 1: My computer is frozen ..
Person 2 (Not a native English speaker): Did you try to shut down and shut up ?

"Once you eliminate quality as a requirement, the entire design process becomes a whole lot easier. " - Jared M. Spool

new kernel, who dis?

My bird fell asleep on the laptop while licking the shiny LENOVO logo.

Me: Lets build and test my app!
Compiler: WTF is "onLick" ???

*cries in corner*

Corporate email just to read an article? Fuck you twice!!!

What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😊

That the way how to create bug free app.

Sorry, I just had to post this cable porn I found posted in some random subreddit.

Just look at those curves

rofl 🤣

40% of AI start ups don't use AI.

Codacy is cool!
It gives my code a grade. So it's like school and university, but much easier since I can just disable all the warnings and get an A.

Compile..compile..compile xD

Happy New Year People 😀