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Boss: we need a html clone of our WordPress website, how many days do you need to recode?
Me: Sure, I need a week
Boss: ok
wget --mirror --convert-links --adjust-extension --page-requisites --no-parent URL21 -
Conversation with my Boss
B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.
12 -
Boss: we need to make a website.
Dev: we fired the web dev
Boss: you do it then
Dev: I am a mobile dev
Boss: dont care you are a developer
Tbh he isnt wrong but i just hate web development.12 -
I sent a professional letter to my boss telling him that i will leave after 15 days. He replied saying :
" stop that bullshit "19 -
Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.
Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
Coworker: 😏😏😏
Me: 😏😏😏
Coworker: 😏😉
Me: 😏😆
Boss: 😐
*three of us laughing*
😆10 -
me: im tired of coding here
boss: then go home and code there
me: GREAT SEE U TOMORROW
boss: okay, tomorrow bring a pillow, slippers and food so you'll feel more comfy coding!11 -
* The app is almost ready, boss asked me to show the progress.
Boss: The design is bad, I don't like it 🤔
Me: I just implemented the design, which is approved
Boss: Really? because I "feel" that the design is bad on the screen.
Me: Okay 😐, can you tell me what exactly the part to change?
Boss: I don't know, *calls the designer
Designer: *showing his PSDs* yes it is the same, and you [the boss] approved it.
Boss: Ok make some changes to make it feel better.
Me: (Inside: 😡 ) ok, have you some suggestions?
Boss: dunno,
Me: at least tell me what is wrong with it
Boss: dunno
Me:🤢26 -
boss: we must talk about your commit comments
me: sure, what happened?
boss: "die bastard, die" is not an appropriate commit comment.8 -
She: I like people who takes risks.
He : I develop in a prod server.
She: My place or you place? 😉3 -
Boss 1: You have such a dedicated team of workers, how do you make them all come in time?
Boss 2: Its simple, 30 employees, 20 parking spaces.14 -
Boss - gives tasks to me. Timeline: 10 days.
Me - work hard and finish the solution in 3 days.
Boss- wtf is this. Do it properly.
Me - chills for 15 days. Submit the same earlier solution after that.
Boss - yes this looks nice now! Much better than your earlier work!
Me - dude seriously what kind of stuff do you smoke before coming to work?10 -
My last internship. When acquiring a new project and having to give an estimate the boss/sales guy always went to the programming team first to ask them what the estimate was and then communicated that back to the client(s).
Asked him why he does that because many companies don't:
Well, the programmers are going to write the software so why the hell would *I* be the one who gives the fucking estimates?
Yes that was a good boss.4 -
Boss be like:
Me: Hello Boss I will be unable to come to work tomorrow,due to heavy rains.I am literally living on an island now.
Boss: In your job application you mentioned swimming as your hobby.
See you at work @7am....1 -
Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"
*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*
Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.
Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"
*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*12 -
My boss baught me a new setup because he crashed into my car. I think i can accept this apology^^
21 -
Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..
*15 minutes later
Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task
*30 minutes later
Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..
Boss: what?..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..
Boss: *walks away..18 -
My boss thinks once the UI is made , the backend and integration shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes.
I want to kick him on the dark side of his moon11 -
Boss: "If I double-click this button, the modal it opens flicker once for 0.00001 seconds?!?!?!?"
Me: "Ya... It opens two modals. It doesn't break anything, it looks normal except the flickering"
Boss: "It's no good!"
Me: "I've got a solution; don't fucking double click. It's a fucking website."
Boss: "IT'S NOT A WEBSITE. IT'S A SYSTEM"
Me: "It's a fucking website" *Exits room, trying not to strangle the boss".12 -
My boss said something genius today: "understanding client's wishes is like writing a regexp for everything they say"😂5
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My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was14
-
Boss: "I need you to program tool-1, tool-2 and tool-3"
Me: *creates tool-1*
Boss: "Why did you make tool-1? I needed tool-3 done by now"
Maybe you should have told me that 🙃5 -
*watching funny clip*
*boss comes at you*
Boss: hey man, we need to...
You: just look at this thing, it's hilarious!
*watching clip together*8 -
#!rant
Boss sent me an email at midnight, and I was working voluntary O/T, so I responded. This morning, he brought me this...
8 -
My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"
Me: " it's my job"
Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"2 -
Boss: we are going to build a blockchain. ( he is smiling proudly)
Me: we are doing data visualization boss!!! Why we need the blockchain?!?!?
Boss: I am disappointed in you!!! You don’t read any Tech news or follow the market trends? BlockChain is tending nowadays... ( showing angry emoji using his face)
Me: it is not related to our work by anything!!! What we will visualize? A success of the transition? The amount of it? A visualization of the nodes?
Boss: (shouting) there are a lot of opportunities using the BlockChain in our days, and it is critical to our business...
Me: boss, there many opportunities using the ******* BlockChain, and I am leaving this company by the end of the month... find a ******* BlockChain developer to visualize the ******* process...
Boss: ........ (silence)
Me: .... (already resigned)7 -
Boss: Nice job with that bug, when the erp freezes magically start working after few seconds
try{
//Something
}catch(Exception $e){
system('sudo reboot');
}2 -
Boss: Hello everyone, we are here to learn about X
Everyone: Cool, nice, good ...
Boss: You ...
Me: Me?
Boss: Yes you, teach us all about X.
Me: (wtf?)
...4 -
Someone replied to the Christmas party invitation using REPLY ALL... his family personal details sent to hundreds of people. Wait, it gets even worse: he works in the SECURITY DEPARTMENT.6
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I'm building a website for a new company and the boss doesn't understand technology at all. says he doesn't want me using any html because it is old and I have to use python because it's a 'hot language.' I try to explain that html is for websites and he replies 'not mine.'19
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New boss rant here!
Boss: Can you give me an estimate for a new project that we willbe running?
Dev: Oh yes I have already calculated at approximately three months.
Boss: Thats great start on it!
3 months laters....
Boss: Why did it take so much? I feel like our productivity sucks.
Dev:...5 -
My former boss kept insisting "we need deeper fonts!"
Me: do you mean darker?
Boss: no, deeper!
Me: do you want me to make it bold?
Boss: no, deeper!!
13 -
Diary of an intern story #101
Boss went to china for business purposes.
Me(just out of cheekiness) : what are you going to bring for us boss 😜?
Boss : for you, more tasks 😎😂
Why god why ;_;3 -
Since every piece of software is developed by us, I sincerely request everyone to keep dark themes as the default theme.
Thanks.8 -
Me: "sorry boss I have a burnout, I don't feel to..."
Boss: "which part of the project you can't do?"
Me: "is a burnout, I can't go..."
Boss: "cmon it's easy!"
Me: "..."
8 months without proper holidays produce this.10 -
That awkward/awesome moment when you are looking at dank memes at work and your boss is standing behind you and laughs :')1
-
Boss: We want this feature ASAP, how will it take from your time?
Me:*giving honest estimation* about 4 days, there are many details to handle..
Boss: oh, we need it tomorrow evening, I said to the client it'll be ready..
SO WHY YOU ASKING ME FOR ESTIMATION YOU F**
😠🤬17 -
I feel awkward when my boss is creeping behind. Of course, I can switch the screen in a hurry, but such behavior is suspicious, and sometimes I don’t notice him. So, in order to switch the screen without being suspected, I create a system that automatically recognizes that he is approaching to me and hides the screen.
https://github.com/Hironsan/...
Source: http://ahogrammer.com/2016/11/...
6 -
Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do?
Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable.
Boss: I hadn't considered that.
Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.
...credit~ dilbert.com -
* Boss gives you a shitty work that doesn't follow standards
* you tell him that this is wrong, and there will be consequences on time and performance on the future.
*he insists
*you do the work like he says
*after a while he asks for modifications
*takes too long because of structure problems, and non compatibility
*you get blamed
*you hate your job, your boss and your life.7 -
- John says that your sql is not working fine, but his does, so use his sql.
- but boss, MySQL ...
- I said use his sql
:-/ -
Non-dev boss: "so, what are you working on today?"
Me: "I'm working on the API"
Non-dev boss: "that's what you said last week! Why aren't you progressing?"
💢5 -
My summer internship adventures
Cunt Boss: you will receive salary and a bonus at the end of the project
Me: *works for 3 months*
Cunt Boss: *sends 60 fucking euros to my bank account*
Me: is that just the bonus?
Cunt Boss: oh I'm sorry, we have some financial troubles here and that's all I can give you
Thanks! Now I can buy you a dildo so you can go fuck yourself11 -
!rant
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge4 -
Sex talk between programmers.
She: I'm a virgin.
He: Don't worry. They call me the virginslayer007.
She: Oh! So how many virgins have you slayed till now?
He: That would be ONE in a few minutes.
She: So u r also a virgin then..
He: Don't worry. I watched so many video tutorials. We just have to do exactly as they did. Best thing is that it can be done both for testing and production purposes.
She: Let's stick to testing purposes for now.6 -
Check this out.
Brazil is coming to a halt right now because of a distribution blockage by the truck drivers.
Gasoline tripled the litter price from yesterday.
Gas stations are going empty.
Air-fucking-ports are out of diesel/gas.
Public transportation might stop tomorrow.
And my boss "will consider" home office, wtf dude, are you retarded?14 -
Few days ago, my boss join devRant. And last night, my girlfriend join devRant too.
*Their watching. Beware!!!19 -
I hate YouTube recommendations. They just show you the same videos again and again after some time.9
-
My (soon to become ex -) boss thinks "Every problem has an one-liner Javascript solution, that he doesn't have time to write."29
-
Who the fuck told my coworkers I'm their boss when our boss is on vacation?
Wtf, I don't wanna be anyone's boss, no one should want me as such...
I would certainly micromanage the shit out of everyone and make their lives a living hell.6 -
M - "Hey... 👀 where's the boss?"
P - "He's gone to get lunch 🍱"
M - "😮 WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEPLOYMENT!"
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃5 -
It's great to hear the boss telling someone that your code "saves time" and "makes things easier to do".
Write good code people. It pays.1 -
My boss gave me a project without any meaningful requirements and asked:
boss: can you finish this in 9 months?
me: well I really can't give you any estimate.
boss: well just do it.
8 months later I summarize all weekly requirements that the client has given and estimated I should be able to finish the project with just 3 months, if only the requirements are ready and not changing from time to time. What a f***ing waste of my time? Why the f*** people do this? And after all this my boss said:
boss: I think we should be able to finish this project faster.
YOU THINK!4 -
Once I watched a 30min YouTube video on functional programming just because the presenter was cute. 😘
Anyone ever did this ???
And btw the video is Functional programming by Anjana vakil.14 -
OMFG BOSS STOP CHANGING MY INTERFACES INTO CLASSES WITH REDUNDANT CODE AND IF ELSES BECAUSE "IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING" OMFG WE ALREADY WENT OVER IT YOU STUPID FUCK!!!2
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My boss we don't pay you to code (yeah unfortunatly don't have a dev jobs)
My boss two day later : Hey we heard you love dev can you make an app for us2 -
Boss : Need very very little change on our project
Dev : Ok, what is the change?
Boss : This, this, this, this and just this one.
Dev : Really very very little.1 -
today morning my boss talking to the designer.
Boss: hey, when we can see the design finished for the web site asked by the client X?
Designer: hmm, about a day and a half, there are many pages and details.
Boss: heheheh, it's impossible, we need it today at the end of the day.
Me insid: wth, then why you ask him about the time like he have a choice..11 -
Boss: "How much time do you get this bug fixed?"
Me: "Give me 20 minutes"
*4 hours later*
Me: "fixed is in the repository"
Boss: "You're getting to much time to do your assignments"
Me: *Damn it*
I suck doing estimates 😥7 -
The face of confusion my boss made when I suggested the development of a simple "api" (one end point) to solve a particular issue we faced after improving our infrastructure made me realize I need to abandon this ship...
He really can't wrap his head around calling a URL and doing something on a server although that's what we do every fucking day...2 -
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
Us: •.•3 -
Finally YouTube implemented something from the porn websites. I'm talking about quick video review on thumbnails.6
-
Hi guys, this is my first rant so bear with me..
Stupid Indian fucking institutes doesn't give a shit about the things we learn in the institute. This curriculum is like from the 90's. I learnt NodeJS recently and I thought wow a new concept, not even my professor knows about it. I must be on top of the world or at least any way near it and then I see these video tutorials on the internet which are posted 2 years ago. OH MY GOD!! The thing is that my department's HOD doesn't know about that and the funny thing is that I'm doing a project under him "SECURITY OF WEB APPLICATIONS" and the only thing he knows is PHP. And FYI I'm not studying in an institute which is oblivious to the outside world. It's called an NIT, an institute of national fucking importance. At the end, I blame myself though. I should have been on myself not being completely dependent on the professors for knowledge.
I could fill the entire text area with the rant.
But then people will start ranting about the rant.
I will be posting more Indian-devRant soon so.. peace till then.
( I bet they don't know about Git/Github too)24 -
Boss calls: "Can you give me more bandwith?"
Me: "I can, but the other coworkers will have issues"
Boss: "Doesn't matter, and please, lift up the proxy too"
Me: "I am sorry, but I can't, that could compromise our security"
Boss: "I am giving you an order..."
Me: "Ok then..."
Me: *proceeds to give boss more bandwith and lifts up proxy (all is lost now)*
I go to see what is the boss doing with the bandwith...he was downloading League of Legends in his personal notebook...
TL;DR: Boss asks to put company at risk for the sake of a game...3 -
boss: would like you to be the boss, you know... have my job?
me: well, yes ...
boss: I know it, my job is the best, now go back to your desk
:-/1 -
manager: we had great feedback last week, real users were testing our app! However, we have noticed a lot of issues regards database performance and data replication...
me: oh, that's great news!! How many users? Like hundreds?
manager: no, 6 users so far7 -
Just shouted to my boss: "You have a degree in CopyPaste issued by the University of Clipboard"
:joy:
He's trying to edit some HTML tables and got lost... he also has this notion that he can do our job...
Lol10 -
me: boss, the new ssl certificate is ready and working fine in the website.
boss: cool, let me see it ... is wrong, this button must be wide and the color is ugly, do it again and tell me when is the button is fine
me: but, the ssl ...3 -
Boss: how long would it take you to make an app with this tool you have never seen before?
Me: idk, I've never used that.
Boss: OK so how long?
Me:.. Uh.. 3 weeks?
Boss: you got 2 weeks. Start tomorrow.
Me:... OK then..
Inner me: why does he even ask?
...Fml6 -
So my HP laptop got a weird problem lately.
It doesn't charge when I plug in the charger(yes, i turned on the switch). So I began searching forums for a solution and then found out that there are so many people like me out there.
Then I was like ok, chill. There are many people like me, there must be a solution somewhere.
And after doing lots of research and trying all the solutions in the internet, the only thing that worked out is this ....
Step1 : turn on and the laptop and plug in the charger.
Step 2: Turn off the laptop.
Step 3: Now turn it back on and poof there you go, the laptop's charging.
And then I improvised the solution myself, which is u can replace the switch off part with Sleep which saved me some time.
And then whenever I try to show something my friends somethjng on my lap and the battery gets low, I do the ritual. For a brief moment their face becomes like dude I'm gonna kill you off, why the hell did u bring me here and now u r turning that off. And then I explain the history of my laptop.
Why HP whyyy ?12 -
Devrant...
... give me the serenity to accept code that don't work
... The courage to fix code I can
... And the wisdom to find the typo before I throw my pc out of the window.
Amen.2 -
I was hired as JS Dev, done some projects with Angular and Node, after several months my boss told me to maintain a FUCKING PHP webapp with no documentation and shitty codebase. After he saw the results, he told me *man, you got some potential*, and he assigned me to build websites using wordpress(WTF is he thinking!). I thought that was the last time he would do something ridiculous, Yesteday he asked me if i can do Video Animation(After Effects)!!6
-
when your boss doesn't understand anything you do and introduces you to people as "magic coder"...actually I think I prefer that.2
-
I wonder if the meeting at Rubber ducks quack association goes like this...
Why the hell doesn't my guy see the problem? It's fucking right there! Why don't you see it??? OMG! I request for a change of owner.1 -
Sometimes I really fucking hate this company
The code is an absolute shitshow filled with static classes, untestable and duplicate code, on top of that my boss doesn’t like open source
Yeah so i’m not allowed to use a mapping library or something because “Uhhh like uhh we don’t have a contract with the company so who knows what’ll happen when the maintainers leave the project”
I understand his reasoning but it’s an absolutely retarded reasoning especially considering most of the .NET platform is open source nowadays
Writing a webapp from scratch now as well and I HAVE to use vanilla javascript and AngularJS 1.5 even though all the developers here told me they would like to upgrade to Typescript and Angular 2+ but it’s never gonna happen I suppose
Oh and he doesn’t like TDD and our only product is SAAS so imagine the amount of bugs being pushed simply because we don’t have time to write tests or even manually test, let alone refactor our horseshit codebase
AND i have to pay for gas myself which takes 200€ out of my bank account a month just for driving to work whilst I’m only getting a mediocre pay
Have a job interview tomorrow and another one on tuesday4 -
boss: we need a server on the cloud
me: we have many of them
boss: cool, we need more
me: for what?
boss: ...3 -
4x4ghz CPU, 16gb of RAM, 100mbps downstream and 1tb ssd... and it took windows only 2 hours and 4 restarts to install an update...WTF15
-
The last night my boss called me at the middle of the night fo some job related tasks.
I was like: Boss! I am your employee, not your wife !1 -
The story so far...
Have lunch with designer in company, my only friend at the office.
Tell her I am interviewing at other companies, plan on leaving etc.
Few days later get boss starting to inquire about things telling me how great it is to work with me and that they really want me to stay.
Well so much for thinking the designer would keep it confidential.
Boss also alludes to me getting small raise next year.
But then he says that they think he offered good salary to begin with considering 25/hr is 46,000 per year and they offered more. my math brain says whhaaatt???
that does not equate to 46k/yr it equates to 52k/yr. What is he playing at? I correct him, he says he calculated it for 35hrs/wk again whaaat?? A normal work week is 40hrs/wk why would he calculate at 35hr/wk??
This is the type of stuff that irritates me, he tries to pull stuff to guilt me all the time or make it sound better than it really is.
Anyways, I have big decisions to make in the next 2 weeks.10 -
*Working on a project with boss, I am working on a mobile app, he is working on web service app.
Me: this service takes user id as parameter to get all account details (all other web services are like that)
Boss: yes, I use the id to filter the data.
Me: but by this, everyone has the id can do anything ! why we do not use session token?
Boss: this is a detail, it is not important !
Me:...
*7 years of experience my ass
5 -
Got 15 days annual leave left from last year. My boss can't afford to send me on leave because we are only 2 developers. The other person really doesn't know what he is doing on coding.
So yes, my boss fucked my annual leave too. I hope he enjoyed it.3 -
Found out today my boss told the team lead to put an unfinished part of the software that I'm developing into production so the clients 'could look at it already'. Team lead claims he objected but boss insisted. So now our error logs are filling up with lines every time it silently fails, and the pressure is on even harder to make it work asap. This has been going since the start of the week and I found out about it now. Boss told team lead it looks better to the clients this way. Meanwhile I'm just thanking the heavens this at least couldn't cause data loss. Probably. *panic intensifies*5
-
Starting from this week my boss started to be pain in my ass. He wants me to do sales more then developer work. I told him on Monday that I can’t do sales because my interest is in coding. My boss said that I have to do whatever he tells me to do because in my contract there is a clause that’s “Any other work that may be assigned by your boss”.
I’ am fucked!17 -
My 10 years experienced Boss is learning about Git NOW !!
And he pretend to know everything already and put his ass on every task.6 -
The only reason I'm still using WhatsApp or Facebook is because my classmates have a social group in which they share important information and tbh that's easy than dealing with emails.
Have to deal with bullshittery for one more year.9 -
boss: You should use a Mac pc
me: why?
boss: because, is Apple
me: and?
boss: is better, Apple is better
me: my laptop is more powerful than yours (an Apple)
boss: but your laptop is not Apple
me: and?
...
I still use a Linux/Intel laptop :P6 -
So I had this conversation with my boss yesterday...
Me: Hey, I found this bug in the other team's code that has a major impact on what we're trying to do. Can you ask them to look into it?
Boss: No, I don't want to be the one who has to tell them there's a major bug in their code. Find a workaround.
M: But... It isn't really a major bug, it just has a big impact on our side of things.
B: Workaround!
Fuck bosses who value how they think they look to other devs over a day of my time. Fuck.4 -
When they are fumigating the office and the boss says they need to spray some more around the programmers desks.
Gotta love it when your boss has a sense of humour.1 -
I'm at a pretty cool company today, learning new stack now. Everyone is helpfull and teaches me a lot.
I remember at my first job, when I just started, my boss sent me a MINIFIED .js file (just one file and nothing else) and said "it doesnt work, please fix this". After OBVIOUSLY not being able to fix it, at that moment, I started to doubt my choice to become a web dev.
I turned out to be pretty okay. But, fucking hell, thinking back, that "ex-boss" of mine could potentially influence my later career decisions and not in a good way.4 -
Is it normal for your boss to sell a product when it is only half completed and pick arbitrary deadlines to demo it to potential clients?13
-
I resigned last month and the boss hired a junior technical support guy instead and senior full stack developer... yes! he call me everyday saying that don't understand servers, perl/php or cloud things2
-
My boss (also a developer) walks in regularly to tell us how annoying it is when her boss is walking in when she is working on something.
So you keep us from working by doing the exact same thing you find annoying? Sometimes I dont mind but sometimes Im doing difficult things you asked me to do, dont get me from my work for something useless....1 -
Yesterday
Boss: Can you export the foo data and send it to me?
Me: Sure
Me (later): Ok, just shared foo.csv with you. It should have everything you need, just let me know if you need the bar data.
Boss: OK, thanks.
Today
Boss: Did you get the foo data exported?
Me: Yes, I shared that with you yesterday
Boss: What did you name it?
This is all in a chat, by the way, not in person. Scrolling for 1.5 seconds reveals all the relevant information.
How do I respond in a way that is not sarcastic and does not belittle my boss? I'm not sure it's even possible.2 -
My ex boss wants me to finish some stuff stuff for his company, which means month or two or more without getting paid, while my current job pays me 5 times more then my previous job.. No way I'll make my priority something that doesn't even give some money. Yes I'm young, yes I learned a lot in your company,but I am paying my bills, I have to eat something, and there is no fucking way I'm going to spend that much time in something that gives me nothing.4
-
I'll start an internship as a web developer tomorrow. Boss crashed into my gar today. I pray to god that he's a better boss than a driver3
-
So we are completely burned out with this project that had a fucking generic contract and my boss never had the balls (and never will) to say no to the client's endless requests and changes...
We are about to deliver it once and for all and they complain about one thing that I have already agreed to my boss that we would not do...
We tell the client that it is the case...
They email everyone involved in the project with a high level of drama on it...
I ask my boss, who is on vacation, on directions as to "how" I should tell them the fuck off...
My boss answer: I'm making a script to solve this issue and to avoid further trouble with it...
Ooo you stupid motherfucker! Can't you see you only bring more trouble with that attitude?1 -
This was a computer in my university 's lab. Took a photo of that to send my boss when I won't be able to meet a deadline.
2 -
That kind of boss who give you a task one minute before you leave your desk to home.
Me inside: I hate you, very much, sir.3 -
My boss wants to be asynchronous with php. Then to render the backend async he wants to use beanstalk using python to be scalable.
I said : we can use node.js it's already asynchronous. And we don't care about the langage php python...
Boss : node.js isn't scalable, there is no security it's not good enough, it's not enough safe. I code with php since 15 years and it's better than node. To much problem in the node.js version 0.12.
OK BUT NOW WE HAVE NODEJS VERSION 6 LTS. WAKE UP. OMG I GIVE IT UP LET'S GO.6 -
When your boss force you to go to client land and do some socializing, for God sake I'm a developer not a f***en public relations employee3
-
So, i live in Venezuela, a country with a lot of economical and political issues. Back in December I talked to my boss an ask for a pay raise, he talked me a lot of shit about economical issues his has been having with the Enterprise and give my a raise plan til July (starting in December).
Now he comes to me and tell me he can't afford to pay me the rest of the raise, because he's now in difficult times. The funny thing is I've talked to him many times to point it out some things that are bad and will cause him money loss.
I really don't want to go because I love the people I'm working with (they have the same problem that I) but is fucking frustrating when all is going wrong and you have some ideas to solve it, ideas you have searched a lot and came with a plan after a bunch of investigation, you come up with the plan everybody seems to love it but after that nobody applies it.
I think there is no much more I can do8 -
Boss: Where should i put this piece of code so the android app will work correctly?
Me: Maybe here and we run some tests.
Boss: What? You built the app so you have to know where I should write the code for the endpoint and your app will work. No time for tests. And no update.
Fuck you boss.3 -
My boss was fired and now I have to answer to his boss. "I have this issue with your product, can you make it mire idiot prood?" Well, sure, we just didn't met so persistent idiot up to now...2
-
Working on a new project at work; all_of_a_sudden boss goes:
"A client needs the current software to do this thing, can u do it"
Me: "Yea, sure"
One week later: "Yea, Im not feeling this, can we change this, that, and--what the heck is that?"
Me: "😑 aaaaa the exact changes u wanted"
Boss:"Well, lets change (A list of stuff and new things added)
Me: Sigh....5 -
Boss: Use the same template that site [X] is using for this project.
Me: [X] is WordPress. Our project is asp.Net/C#. I can't
Boss: Why?
Me: You can't put a round peg in a square hole!
Boss: Why?
Me: [thinking about mortgage] I'll do it.
Boss: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Me: [die a little inside]7 -
So recently I started to observe a little upgrade in the Google's searching algorithm. The next suggestion in Google's search box is depending more on my immediate preceding search. It's so good that its starting to creep the hell out of me.4
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When you point out a bug for the first time on a popular library and your issue has been reopened with apologies and given the bug tag.
Feel like a boss after struggling with the problem for 14 days haha1 -
The new company I'll work in told me that I have to use windows because they have an ad and Linux login does not work proper with it...4
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My old boss used to deploy sometimes at the last second. I was about to walk out of the office (friday at around 5:30pm) when he said "Oh wait i wanted to deploy this website you've created" Before i could argue he deployed the website and ofcourse it broke in production..
This caused me to stay for another hour and a half in order to fix it...2 -
Wow thanks play music for the handy navigation shortcut. Now I can hear the previous songs again and again! 😑
1 -
When your egghead boss (who is a dev, BTW) fails miserably in understanding that JavaScript fetch does not behave like the default synchronous nature of requests in Python.
After failing to make him learn about the asynchronous nature of JavaScript promises, he ends the discussion by saying "that's why python is better than js"
*facepalm*2 -
Taken a day off due to sickness, boss calls and said “can you fix an error on xyz website? it's urgent.”
I said No, I'm in hospital I can't. Even though I was at home.
He said “please look once whenever you'll reach home.”
Me: “sure.”
Idiot got no chill.
GFY5 -
My boss just yelled at our devops guy because he caught the DO intern watching Twitch while he was eating lunch at his desk. Why even care?2
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The sales person who is sort of my boss walked in today and asked/told me:
Sales: We are using Bluemix, right?
Me: Yes?
Sales: Learn everything about it.
Me: Explain?
Sales: Spend 2 hours a day for the next 2 months studying up. You don't get less other responsibilities. Your commute is 1 hour each way, right? Put on some videos!
Me: ...
Sales: Bye!5 -
In my past job,
Boss: We need to send the build by day end. Here is the FTP details you asked for.
Me: But password is missing in it..
Boss: I dont care, do whatever you can do... google is there.. fix it anyhow...
Me: ......(Banging head on wall)..... -
Lol, my boss wanted me to sign a one year contract for a shitty money, because "that's the standard in it". Well... no.5
-
The fact that my boss knows I'm on devRant means, that I can't rant about anything, that can be linked to my workplace or current assignments.12
-
When you debug all day, and at the end only thing that boss sees are 3 line changes in git commit.2
-
I don't get it. Why the **** is windows update the slowest shit on earth. I'm sitting in front of an PC. Last update is 6 month ago. Windows take about 20 minutes to find out which patches are needed and now... Over 1h later... Not even half of them are done.
My Linux PC take about 5-10 minutes even if I haven't turn on it for a while.3 -
one of those days where the boss has his weekly amnesia and completely forgot an agreed feature discussion.. sigh..8
-
Stupid fucking idiot startup asshole hired me as an intern. Promised me the money after the work is done. We were friendly during the internship. The work is done and now it's been a week and still no money yet. He's saying it'll take some time. To beat you to shit it'll take some time you asshole!
Lesson learned: Never ever be friendly with the guy who hires you. Like never!!
Also money later isn't a good thing.8 -
- Hi, I need this config set up on the server. What do you think? Could you do it?
- Yeah seems fine. But we need to assess it properly.
- Ok, let me show you in details.
- Err.. hmm, reach out to me tomorrow.
...
** Then he stays offline all day. **
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO **REACH OUT** TO YOU???? VIA SMOKE SIGNALS??!! Some supernatural powers??
Oh man, I hate depending on other people to finish a fucking job.4 -
Me : There is a hotfix needs to be done.
Boss : So what ?
Me : Its assigned to you from last 2 weeks and deadlines are near.
Boss: (speaking politely) oh.. is it? Can you take a look ?
Me : .. -
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown* -
My boss drives me crazy. He hired me for working on his SDK which is game related. So I am responsible for basically everything, including an ingame UI (menu etc.) and to predict the future path of a game object (unit, minion, ..) when a certain spell is casted on it. For that task I divided the prediction into firstly getting the predicted path of the unit without a spell being casted and then a class that would cast the spell on that path and estimate the units reaction to that cast. Simplified, but that way you get a pretty okayish result. Now he thinks that is too complicated. "Can we not put everything into one class, if someone wants to replace the prediction he needs to read documentation for hours". WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT, THAT IT'S GONNA BE SOME ONE CLASS 3K LINES MAGIC??
Same for the GUI. We only have DirectX and don't want to use a framework. Guess what, it's more than one class if you want to seperate view, model, controller or whatever fucking "design pattern" thing you use.
And then Git... he seriously said let's not use branches till release, I feel like they slow down things.. before I was there they did every operation on master.
And if it was just that..
/rant
I put much work into this, time to leave?1 -
My over promising boss is upset that something that used to work doesn't work now because support decided it had to be changed. We took it apart to rebuild it and it's only partially finished right now. Says he can't show it to clients like this. Well no we told you it wouldn't be ready for the deadline you forced upon us, even before the requested changes, but instead of listening you tell us not to argue and just get it done.3
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That moment when you have a good job but a very bad boss/bosses.
I don't know that feeling, I have both bad job and boss1 -
Story about my old boss:
I was doing a lot of work in an area that had a data property and a method to build an object. I noticed a reset method that iterated all that objects properties, found the matching data from the data object, passed that data through some logic to format it and then assigned that value to the object property.
As part of my PR I removed that method, since data wasn't changing, and simply called the create method again with data.
The result of tidying the code base and putting it up for review before a merge? I get told I have no respect for my boss's code, that I am undermining him, that I need to be more considerate and respectful of other people's work and that I am no longer allowed to change any code he has written in the code base (half the code base) without talking to him about it first, before it goes up for review. Also if he is working on an area I cannot change anything - not even 1 character (he is working on the core of the app).
Every day there I was so confused :D8 -
I am to sleep, boss calls please do this...
Boss thinks we are machines hahaha, 72hrs of no sleep and counting...3 -
Yesterday I was reminded by myself why I prefer working on backend instead on frontend. Css is definitely one of the shittiest things I've ever seen especially if you try to overwrite some Css settings if the used cms theme.3
-
How do you deal with a boss that is not very intelligent, but fights you, your team, executive management and project stakeholders on critical system design decisions?
Everyone else is worn out, the project is long overdue and I'm running out of energy, myself. Do I just do what everyone else does and let him have his way and prepare myself to deal with the imminent problems ahead, or do I keep fighting for a well designed system that customers will enjoy using?11 -
What your boss is really saying when you're about to leave work and he says "get this done before tomorrow morning"
-
When your boss doesn't appreciate your ideas and tells you to "go to hell". The worst part of his statement was "go to" :|2
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Boss knows that building a release version of the app we are working on takes like 20 minutes, and they need 3 different apks for separate apis.
customer to boss: so, when will you send the apks?
boss while smiling: yeah, like 10 minutes5 -
Gave boss inside into JSON output for a system he never even sees or uses. Now he suggests changes to that JSON that aren't relevant nor possible...1
-
Epic comment:
1+2+3+4+....infinity = -1/12
SRC: Numberphile
Dear god, id like to file a bug report(see attached video)6 -
Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........1 -
Windows is so magical. I mean it doesn't support syslog which is in a way essential in large environments. Today my coworker told me about a tool named nxlog which has the function to send log messages from windows directly to a central syslog server. It can also read files... well theoretical because nxlog does not accept ":" as a valid character... cya C:\something2
-
The thing that is common between my boss and my girlfriend is none of 'em understand what I actually want or want to say and always misunderstood me.5
-
One of new junior devs after his 3 month "trial period" was good enough to keep him so he went to boss to talk about his future.
He came back with big smile and told us how much of big raise he got (now earning as much as seniors)
I asked my boss what was so special about him, maybe we should improve somehow, he answered "He was yelling at me, what could I do?"
Now I know how to approach him next time I talk about a raise :p4 -
Joined the dark side.
Used to think (),{},[] meant the same. Just a type of brackets they said
Started counting at 0
Designer/Developer perspective to every website/app I visit
Rubber ducks were children bath toys
And for the love of LINUS! Stop asking me to hack your bf/gf 's social media accounts. -
Need that stress ball. Boss shouted to me yesterday. Less than 2 hours later he calls the team leader. The outcome of that call was the same as what I had suggested and for what I was shouted at. :-S4
-
Me: Ok, this sounds like a good idea, however we need to consult the Act to ensure we're not breaking any laws by requesting this new information and making it mandatory.
Boss: I am trying to ensure good database management and data design principles, why can't you just agree with me?
Me:... I agree with you... But changing up the process like this may put us in hot water, let's just check to ensure we're good on the legal front --
Boss: The law is just a guide. My primary concern and your concern should be the design of this database and ensuring we stick to good data management principles!
Me and other technical staff: 👀6 -
When your boss ask to convert the system to the new framework version, but still ask the other team add new module. Then said why your work never done hmmm.2
-
Recently we created a Slack team with co-workers and our boss. Everybody was shocked when we saw his username. It is "armageddon". Like a fucking gamer child.2
-
Boss uses @here in Slack channel, waits 5 seconds then tags me and another dev. Not sure he understands how @here works.1
-
So, might be the first time ever but I have a reasonable client. Oh wait, life isn't that nice!
Boss, stop picking fights over stupid shit with the client!
Boss, actually show up to meetings you called!
Boss, do you want to get us fired from the contract?
Boss, stop threatening the client! They hold all the chips here!
Boss, actually listen to my technical advice since you are not technical!
Boss, go die in a hole!
Boss, I want your job and paycheck you do nothing!
Boss, don't tell me you are tired and we can talk tomorrow when you kept me up until 3am the previous night then called an 8am meeting!
Boss, give everybody, including the client, more than 2 hours notice for a meeting, then get pissed when the client doesnt show. They have other meetings!1 -
When my boss says "can you just quickly fix something" whilst I'm halfway through transposing a MySQL database from an IIS server to an AWS EC-2 module
-
If anyone here wants to know how a generic engineering college will be like in India, here's the video
https://youtu.be/BhWWiCwRb7s
Do watch it. It is accurate af.
I don't like the education system in India, so this video hit me right in the feels.
Sneak peek:
I didn't choose this engineering life, neither did engineering life choose me. It was shoved down my throat by my teachers while my hands were tied to my back by my friends and my parents watched in silence.2 -
My boss will complain about the missing comma in a sentence before he appreciates the new feature added to the app or how fast the app loads.....2
-
I am so much into technology and also play CSGO frequently, that sometimes I get a dual image when someone says CACHE.2
-
Boss: how long would that feature take?
Me: About 2 weeks to implement and test.
Boss: hmm, can it be done it 1 week instead?
Me: .....3 -
Boss just repositioned the security camera we use to watch the front door right behind me, with perfect view of me and my monitor.....micro manage much....2
-
Everyone excited discussing a new data access API to provide to the clients when, le boss:
"Just so you guys think out of the box a bit. What if you deployed the API on Swagger instead of AWS? It seems a nice and fresh approach, huh?"
Everyone on the room remained in silence and internally questioning why do we work here...1 -
!rant
Guys, just a question. Let say in a company either your boss, senior or manager who always wants to win a conversation no matter what the issue is and whoever is at fault.
e.g.
Me: Roasters can't lay eggs
Boss: Yes they can
....
(After few minutes you are bore and want to end the conversation)
Me: Yes, yes fucken Roasters can lay eggs. You are right. Now fuck off.
Question Again:
Will you work for someone who wants to win the conversation?2 -
My boss don't give me any information about the project in 2 months ... Then the application need to run in 1 week ... Im the only developers in this faculty .. suprise ! I said to him the project cannot be delivered in such small time ...
Boss : but you having so mutch time to do it !
me: but you tell me to fix some PC screen and printer and is not my job to do that im a programmer.
Boss: but you have certification in programmation and tech support
Me: yes but you hire me to code your project not to fix your forest !
Boss: if you don't want to work just say it
Me: never mind ...
Results: i change faculty in the university -
The feeling of telling your boss that you hate you are putting in your two weeks is a feeling like no other. I'm FREE!
-
Having to request permission from my boss -- the director of marketing -- to install free dev-only tools.
-
That moment when you hire someone for a small part of the protect and they suggest you to re-write the entire project using a different language/framework.
I know this is supposed to be in bossRant. But hey not all bosses aren't developers.1 -
https://theguardian.com/business/...
This bit caught my attention:
--------------------
The power shift comes at a tough time for a high street rocked by sweeping changes in shopping habits. The growth of online shopping has seen a swathe of retailers use an insolvency process known as a company voluntary arrangement to shut stores and seek lower rents.
Richer Sounds has been shielded from the storm by the founder’s decision to buy the freeholds on most of its 52 stores. “Any idiot can sign a lease,” he says. “I always wanted to be in control of my own destiny by owning the freeholds.” Today its rent and rates bill is just 1.5% of turnover, a figure many retail bosses can only dream of. “We’ve got small stores that are in very busy, secondary positions … so when business migrated to the web we weren’t decimated,” he says.
-----------------
Don't rent !
Some quite nice things he did there, though..
My own experience of giving a company to its workers didn't end so well, because when I wasn't there being in charge, the place drifted back to just like any other business.
Profits went down, efficiency dropped, and people took home 10 times less..
So, if you are going to do that, make sure your replacement boss is as good as you !
Which is kinda hard to find these days..
Related link:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...1 -
Few weeks back our boss brought us (two devs) a freelance job, which was about writing some code for an existing website. We agreed on the price, and he gave all the details about ftp and etc. The website was in a shitty hosting. He said that he will arrange everything and then we can start working on it. He never did, so we continued our life. Today he called me asking if I had the source code of the project because the hosting company fucked up and everything is lost. Funny part is, I had the source code untill I left the job last week. I "rm -rf"ed my root when I left. I really hate him and as the time passes, karma fucks him for everything he has done to us.
-
Full customize bash or install another prompt like zsh, fish, etc: what do you prefer?
I like customizing more because very often it's easier to just copy my config to a new system than installing another prompt. Than I can keep evething in sync via git.6 -
You really have to decide between a full feature set of a software and deadlines. You cannot have both or in other words if you wand all features of your dreams you need infinite amount of money and time.
The funny part about this is that every student learns this in the first semester if you study anything about project management or management at all... And of course in reality pms and cXos don't even give a **** about this...
Sometimes been a software developer just made me sad 😔.3 -
Boss opens ticket, describes a generic problem with something.
Boss posts another one 15 minutes later, saying "this happens with X [which is of same type], too".
Cycle repeats. -
While debugging a service on a linux server...
Log-level info: no really useful information and no hint about the bug
Log-level debug: OMFG TAKE THAT 2GB LOG FILE
Why all the time 😧 -
Been basically doing QA for the past month after finishing my website, today my boss hits me with a "implement these few more 'small' features"; I leave for school in two days😑
-
I'm quite confused about job market here in germany. Beside studies I'm working in a data center and have already some practical knowledge about programming stuff and managing applications. Although many companies I apply for say I need more experience. How the hell should I collect it if I don't get the chance to do so. Do you have seen this in other countries as well?5
-
One of the top reasons why I hate windows is because updates are taking soooo much time. I mean when I install a greater update on Linux e.g. Linux mint 18.2 to 18.3 it takes 1 reboot and about ten minutes of installing... When I install any windows update I have a 50% chance that Microsoft decides that it is a update which requires a restart which means in reality that my pc restarts about 3 times and takes at least 30 minutes for updating. WTF1
-
Boss: I want you to create a document management application
Me: that would be take a lot of time and it is better if you use an already created app for that
Boss: why?
Me: because my partner and I have never done one before and we are just a beginners
Boss: shouldn't be a problem...
Both of us: (really?)
*call ends*7 -
Boss!!!
Boss isn't a person.
It's not a name.
It's a feeling.
It's an emotion.
It's something that you are afraid of even in ur dreams.
It's something that pushes you, shouts at you, criticises you, shouts at you again, but at the end he gives you appreciation, money and fame(sometimes).
No matter how shitty the pay is, it is something. Better than nothing.
If you don't like it, go to another boss.
or better
BE YOUR OWN BOSS.2 -
Sometimes NVIDIA fucks up big time.
Last time I was a writing a UI application in Java. I took some break and updated the NVIDIA drivers so that you know it will 'increase' gaming performance. Next day I was trying to launch the app and the UI doesn't show up. It took me over half an hour to realise that there was no fault in my code and it was the fucking update. -
I was wondering if it is allowed to crawl all posted rants on devrant to do some fancy data mining stuff while learning python. Any clue?3
-
It's funny.
When you are underpaid, you boss treats you well. Grants you everything you wish, etc.
After one year, when you request a raise, and asking to be paid NEAR the salary you deserve, and after you agree, he starts to act cold. -
When your boss asks what you're working on and you say "Fixing a bug that causes new subscriptions to be prorated to line up with old ones." and he says "Terrible. Needs immediate fix."
"I know! That's what I'm doing!!"1 -
What excuses I should to my boss because I coded my poor design for 2 days and now have to start over again?3
-
I'm still doing my bachelors.
Anyone with a 9-5 job with 10+ years in the field not bored of everything in the universe and spending valuable time with family ?1 -
Boss showed a not-impressed face when I said I'm refactoring. I thought I'd been doing fantastic job coping lousy written old codes? Wtf boss!6
-
Dear ranters,
Keep in mind that while ranting on a topic the human mind's ability to write a long sentence with perfect wording will decrease slightly, so my sincere request to Grammar NaZi's is Fuck off bro..
Itd be great if there is a section where some posts can be pinned so that everyone would see them.9 -
!rant
This moment when a script you wrote is working instantly. My coworker couldn't believe it neither and advised me I should start from scratch again because there have to be a mistake in it. -
why almost every time the team manager/boss/... is a fucking retard that don´t know the tech of the current century?2
-
Ok so this is more like a question than a rant
Have you ever gotten to close to your boss and how did it turn out for you?
Currently im as close as you can get without marrying her but we have trouble separating work from our private life...
Any advice or stories that you can share would be much appreciated1 -
That moment when you realise that your boss is not understanding anything about development and cancel all features... :|
-
Glad ml is being used to save one's ass by switching screen when boss approaches!
http://ahogrammer.com/2016/11/... -
So I have been using my HP laptop(r007tx) for over two years and a half now. Here are it's top 'features'
1. A dead pixel on the screen. Slowly it started to grow every time I close and open the lap and eventually it grew to a horizontal line across the screen. Luckily it was under warranty.
2. Volume is very low. Can't be fixed.
3. Broken hinges. Never had it faced any impact.
4. WiFi adapter stopped working after an year. Bought an external adapter.
5. Monitor frame started to come off.
6. Battery is shit. Explained it a bit detail here.
https://devrant.io/rants/655618/...
7. DVD player doesn't work.
Most of the problems came just after one year. If you are thinking to buy HP laptop do pay for extended warranty.
But still successfully running it because of the software that every dev has developed.
Kudos! -
Biggest coding distraction, when you're in your zone and your boss calls you in for a meeting just to tell you how amazing his holiday was.
-
When you feel like crap but your boss might make you work on the weekend, unpaid, if you take the day off. -_-4
-
How do you handle your configurations of your prompt, ide, etc especially when changing or reinstall the pc? Do you use something similar to git repos with dot files or are there other good methods to manage all of this?1
-
Sometimes the implementation of setting a pw is really wow... yesterday I create a new db in my 1and1 hosting package. I generate a strong pw with a length of 20 and try to set it. It took me 1h to find out that 1and1 only accept 9 signs and I ranted after that because nobody says that they will just cut the inserted pw and set it with no warning or hint that I maybe should chose a shorter one...2
-
Hey guys. I use the build in terminal of linux and im really confident with it, but i believe there have to be better out there. Any suggestion?4
-
So well... 2 monitors are not enough for testing an server ha application with teaming/bounding interface with 3 nic.
-
Have well prepared profiles on linkedin, xing aso. This way job hunters will find you best I think1
-
I hate it when devs use value attribute instead of place holder especially when you know that input text is definitely going to change.
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