Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "idiots everywhere"
Boss: I need to know how much resources a server would need to serve 20000 users at the same time
Me: Sure, can I see the webapp?
B: There's not one yet
M: Ok, can I see its documentation then?
B: There is none
M: But ot depends on the programming language, libraries used, what kin-
B: It's an e-commerce. Try browsing Amazon and see how much they nees to handle the page requests.
Me: *still processing* wh-
Boss: I have to give an estimate to a client within 30 minutes. Hurry.
So.... Uh... I guess i have to hack Amazon now?10
How to pronounce like an idiot 101:
WhatsApp -> Wots opp!
Uber -> Oooooo bear
Facebook -> aef bee
Presentation -> pee pee tea
GUI -> Goo eee
Watch this space for more. Feel free to add to the list.76
You say you are surrounded by dumbfucks who produce even dumber products.
Well this is a classic example of perfect Assholic design of such a person.
A thick plastic cover to protect a plastic box which carries 15 micro sized mint tablets.
Just fucking wow!!!
What kind of cunt faced person would have thought of this stupid idea?
Idiots all around. They are just fucking everywhere.
Save your ass and get the fuck out of here as soon as you can.16
( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );
A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).
So I had a meeting with them.
First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
Well, imagine this:
- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)
- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical
- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent
- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS
- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)
- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.
- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?
After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.
Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.
Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.
I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.2
No, not as e-mail or for privacy reasons. Sure, that too, but it comes with "free" stuff.
It sucks because it's breaking every possible record in the worst, shittiest, most insanely stupid APIs and integrations out there on the entire fucking planet!
It is comically stupid!
Aside from their LOVE of hard-deprecating APIs every few months, requiring constant, time consuming maintenance of every tool that integrates deeply with Google services, some of their APIs, for expensive stuff, look like they've been written by Bobby McFartface from 7th grade.
Take a look at DoubleClick Search (their ad performance reporting tool, that sure does sound like one). To upload custom, additional data, you must pass in a ton of parameter, and they REQUIRE some of them to have a specific, hardcoded value. What's the point in passing that parameter then you dickheads?!
But fine, so you uploaded some stuff using the API. Now you want to delete everything and try again after you fixed a bug - well you fucking CAN'T! You can't delete stuff, you can only mark them as "deleted" using an update call.
Bulk operations? Fuck no!
Can I just add on top? Well of course not! That will raise a ton of exceptions. Same message should be transmitted using the PUT, not POST request, in order to edit.
Can I send everything to PUT? Of course not! You can't edit something that's not there, dummy!
Can I see what's there so that I can update it, and add what's missing?
Well of course not! Why on Earth would you need to see what information is in there after you uploaded it? Who needs that anyway?
Simply send, pray, and hope that everything will be fine (it will not).
Like holy fucking crap, it can't get any more stupid!
Google is a huge pile of idiots who feed on only a single cow - the search engine.
It's times like these when I think that Google right now is the worst thing that exists for everyone in tech. It's dragging everyone down with their monopolies everywhere and complete idiocy in managing them.6
Today my dear friends 😊, I will tell you WHY THE FUCK DO I FUCKING HATE WHATSAPP FROM THE CORE OF MY HEART 😡
The original idea of having a real time silent conversation with somebody around the globe is amazing.
But why did Brian Acton, think that the users will be humans?
You talk to your loved ones? Fine by me.
You use with for work communication? Fine by me.
You don't give a fuck about your privacy (because of lack of awareness or some other reason)? Your choice. I am fine with it.
But you spam the shit out of each other with repeated 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' rainbow coloured flower meme with your most idiotic unicorn posed photo on it? JUST FUCK OFF.
The content is just moved from one group to another. Stupid random images and videos with no purpose at all are just blindly forwarded from one user to another.
One assholes sends it to hundred others. Then those assholes send it back to original sender and other hundreds. They post it in mutual groups countless time. The cycle keeps repeating and your phone is jammed like a toilet pipe with shit everywhere.
Repost after repost after repost. No rules, no regulations.
Duplicate and repeated content is over-clocking WhatsApp's servers.
Things get worse, when videos and images of people dying are circulated and THESE IDIOTS MAKE THEM GO VIRAL.
People say they have no courage to watch such things, yet go ahead and watch the entire video/all the images.
I mean how on earth can you watch such disturbing stuff on loop?
I hate it when they shove their screen in my face and ask me to watch such things saying how disturbing it is.
God damn fuck!!! If it is disturbing then stop fucking watching it. Stop fucking forwarding it to other mindless dicks. Stop fucking asking me to watch it.
Enjoying dark humour and watching disturbing things are different things. Though I enjoy dark humour, but never will I wish ill of others or forward such images or videos.
PEOPLE SHOULD FUCKING UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT MY PREFERENCES.
I show them a small interesting educational video and then bash the shit out of me saying that it was boring and I wasted their time.
IF SO THEN FUCK OFF WITH YOUR STUPID CONTENT. SHOVE YOUR PHONE UP YOUR ASS AND DANCE AROUND NAKED WHILE YOUR PHONE VIBRATES WITH ALL THOSE STUPID NOTIFICATIONS.
WhatsApp should be banned. It not only causes emotional damage, but that shit is fucking annoying.20
The concept of, "hacking" at my school is so disgustingly bloated, as it probably is everywhere else. Some kid the other day said that he had hacked cookie clicker. Friggin cookie clicker. After opening inspect element and changing some local data to get infinite cookies. And he was hacking.
I swear, if I EVER told any of these idiots about some hacking project I did with an Arduino, they would start asking me how much money I made off with in the heist.
There is one kid in particular that annoys me, his name is Matthew, and he is the most pompous little piece of crap you have ever met. Every time they talk about him, they use the word, "hack" casually in conversation. "Wow dude he's gonna HACK you now", and it really boils my gears. I mean, come on, our school password is a birthday and initials, if he got into your account, he certainly didn't do it by hacking anyone. It has gotten to the point that I can't even hear the word without wanting to lash out at them and tell them how stupid they are. Maybe I can just send them a link to this rant.17
So this fucktard decided to write the most inefficient way to collect thousands of records.
The system I am working on allows users to book facilities. There is one feature where an admin can generate reports on the bookings made between any two dates. A report for bookings made between January and April generates 7878 records.
So this shithead, after making a call to the server and receiving 7878 records decides to put it through 4 fucking foreach loops (this takes around 44.94 seconds).
After doing that, he passes it to the controller to go through ANOTHER foreach loop to convert those records into a JSON string, using..string..manipulation. (this takes bloody 1 minute and 30 seconds).
Now, my dear, dear supervisor is asking me to fix this saying that there must be a typo somewhere. Typo my arse. This system has been up for more than a year. What have they been doing all this time??? Bloody hell. Fucking idiots everywhere. I now have to refactor
Annoying Indian professors are everywhere. It's a computer vision class are you really teaching us Regression?
What about transfer learning? object detection! Give us papers to read, let's do projects.. what the hell is this I am going take attendance bullshit and teaching crappy concepts.
I did not sign up for this shit! I came here for my Masters to get away from pompous mother fuckers like you ...
My class is also filled with those idiots,who think bias in a neural network is somehow related to class imbalance ? Now the same idiot proceeds to ask questions like...
Why would the weights change in a neural network?
Motherfucker why you in this class ? Why don't you stick to your shit and ask these questions later..
I am so pissed off right now guys ...
I was sitting in my lab understanding the deeper insights of BN, activation fucntions.. various optimizers ..etc Stuff that this idiot motherfucking teacher must be covering... UGGH.
I shouldn't cuss so much.. or at least add variety to my cuss words..
I am pissed off cuz instead of learning the shit I should be learning I am forced to come and attend this class and waste 2 hrs of my life ...
It's the summer i find it hard to focus anyway (want to go out hiking or swimming or something.) BUT. the moment I find some resolve to focus
I get this fucking bullshit.. !
My mind is so fucked right now... I can't think of anything but standing up in class and screaming " Mother fucker, mother fucker...(point to the idiots in class you) motherfuckers shut the fuck up..
Can someone suggest some colorful swear words ?
My brains not working -_-
It is just about now that I start feeling like "Anger" from inside out12
// O(n²) complexity
Dev's argument: "We use this everywhere, as long as it gets the job done! Time is money!" How ironic..
So you would rather make your processing speed suffer for the sake of saving time? No, clean code doesn't matter. No, we should not waste time spending even a mere microsecond thinking about writing better code or at least consider it. No, we should just vomit out bad code at top speed. Good idea, guys. Idiots everywhere..6
Just when i somehow accepted that Austrian part of team is naming theirs methods in Deutch, i almost got heart attack when i saw this. They're combining english with deutch, for example isOffen(), isLoeschenAllowed(), isEinsichtHinzufuegenAllowed() and so on... And most of the time these assholes even dont add javadoc, but when they do it something like: "Checks if *curentClass* is offen". Thanks a fucking ton.3
Whoo, 4 days into my new project, and a lot of mess already happening all over the place, in short, everyone in here consisted of the human population that fill up the average (and below) margin on everything (especially their IQ, seriously, by the time I finished telling this story, you'll wonder how the hell are these guys able to finish uni, not to mention working in IT)
Okay so, backstory, I was cut off from my previous project (the product was finally launched, but only a handful developers are kept to maintain & do enhancements, why wasn't I included? That's a story for another time), and I was sent to a new (shitty) project, by the order of the (shitty) manager, in the same institute, but different division, whom tries to copy paste everything the golden child (my previous project) has been doing, technology, environment, work culture, etc
And I'm faced with another react native application (let's call it project N), in which the team leader was so proudly explained to me, that it got released way earlier than my previous project (let's refer to it project X) even though X started a long time before they have any plan for N, N was passed down from a vendor to the internal devs whom has very little knowledge of react native, and I was supposed to "help" them with it
Day one, I learned a new english term for this, sinecure, nothing done on the first day, just introductions, a long boring meeting and got assigned to the project N, I did skim through the source code for a while, at a glance it looks like a student's assignment done overnight, reminds me of the first website I made, and this is supposed to be an app that handles monetary transactions,
Day 2, still no task given, due to their "end of sprint" session, 4 days of not having anything to work on, I analyzed the code further, and yep, it's rubbish,
- first, the code convention is shit, based on the git log, only 2 guys were working on this and neither of them had any standards with their coding, spaces, semicolons, indentations, everything is a mess, folder & file names and their placement too, not to mention redundancy everywhere, nothing is reusable, this is the first time I saw a react application that keeps defining & creating new components on every pages, and no documentation at all
- second is, the warnings, I was in awe with the disappearance of yellow warnings in the app since I found a bunch of yellow box errors on the debugger console, then I checked the main app.js file and lo and behold
console.disableYellowBox = true
Whoooo, a new breakthrough in software debugging, you won't find any potential bugs if you hide the warnings altogether, fuck, not even any config to diferentiate debugging & release environments (my last project had one)
Well worse is that ALL of the components doesn't have any proptype checking (prop is something like an attribute that is inherited from parent component to child component, CMIIW), and this cause for some issues that already happened a bit later,
- third, but not last, the software is buggy as hell, not to mention the flow & logic is messy as fuck, who the hell put a splash screen as it's own navigation entity,
After opening the app, splash screen is showing, then redirect to login page, and if user pressed back button while on login page, they'll be stuck on the splash screen, unable to navigate anywhere
Then, later that evening, one of the PO suddenly came to me and said something about telling him if I had any issues/concerns, given the opportunity, I immediately pointed out the problems, only to add up to my dissapointment, the conversation went like this,
Me: I do have concerns, 3 of them at the moment (explained like above but with more polite words)
PO: really? Well, us from the product team doesn't really care for cleanliness as long as it works
Me: bla blah (explaining about current & potential bugs and maintainability)
PO: like I said it's not urgent, we have more important goals to achieve
Me: blah blah (up to you, but I insist that at least consider this matter)
PO: A foreigner made this you know?
*how the fuck is that information even relevant? Fucking victim mentality
Me: So? It's still rubbish (continue explaining the current bugs)
PO: do you know how much this project has cost?
*cool, now you want to justify this farce by overpricing it?
PO: this much (after googling, it's around 3 years worth of average salary for senior dev in US)
*well my previous project cost almost twenty times that
PO: bla blah (saying something like, And don't go introducing changes and new stuff too much, since you're the new guy, unless you want to be seen as a show off, you gotta mingle with the devs first and once you got in a friendlier term, then you can give your opinion)
I just nods and didn't continue the convo after that, but suddenly the PO reaffirms
PO: OKAY? (in a tone like "capische?")
Okay, I'll consider that as a warning,
To be continued...
Somehow listening to The Josias December 2 Podcast and listening to their talking points about corporate life (despite the podcast itself largely about politics) makes me remember my old job and how their management sucked dog balls down to the throat.
Many notable members of my old job's upper management sucks big time honestly. They think they are God's gift to the users, when the most important feature of our app doesn't even work properly because they cannot pull together the intended partners.
I can tolerate an executive that has no dev background. But I cannot tolerate their arbitrary decisions and their constant refusal to listen to us telling them about hard facts about technology. They hurry us up with every feature with unrealistic deadlines (see my other rants). My blood boils and my heart screams because we didn't even have a working pipeline and a test suite, then they blame us for every downtime, server bottleneck, and crash. There's feature creep and scope creep everywhere, nothing among those half-assed features work and none of those earn money at all. And their solution: make the devs work more hours! Fucking idiots!
My tech lead is complaining that he could not focus at work as long as they're around, and the dev team just doesn't care about their lates and absences anymore. Agile processes are weaponized to pass blame on people instead of cracking down on problems. They pressure us into over promising features then they get mad us for under delivering. By the time they somehow listen to us and their consultants, they want to hurry the deliverables and it's often too late.
I am so frustrated having to hold my tongue and telling the world through my blog how much this particular startup's mere existence is emotional and mental abuse towards its employees and some of their stakeholders. I kept my silence about them in front of my connections not only because I will gain nothing from it, but also because I was counting on them to improve their overall mindset and outlook on tech.
They have not improved not one bit.
I now honestly believe that without an inner moral compass, developing apps in general without consideration for the common good (of the developers, designers, and users) as the Josias puts it, not even the most devout and most skilled Agile practitioner will be able to put an end to the corporate drama brought upon us all by the arrogance of some members of the board of directors.
Lastly fuck them, thanks to them I and some other former employees are now on therapy.
I should put down this podcast before I shake my fist at them again.1