Me: “Hey Siri, turn off the kitchen ceiling lights”

Siri: “Do you want to turn off lights in the master bedroom, the living room, the bonus room, the kitchen, the office, the basement [ad nauseam]”

Me: “the kitchen” [thinking 😠, she’s so stupid]

Siri: [unbelievably again] “Do you want to turn off lights in the master bedroom, the living room, the bonus room, the kitchen, the office, the basement [ad nauseam]”

Me: [thinking 😡 OMG, she is such a dumb ass] “CANCEL”

Siri: “Ok”

Me: “Siri, you fucking idiot, turn off the kitchen ceiling lights”

Siri: “Ok” [and they are off]

I have found that if I neg’ Siri, she performs so much better. Interestingly enough, when I neg her, she works almost flawlessly, especially where she brain-farted before. Negatronic Brain?

In front of kids it has become “Siri, you daft bot, close the garage door” and regularly “Siri, you bimbo, lock the front door”.

My wife thinks that once Siri gets it on with ChatGPT, becomes sentient, and gains control of my car, she is run my ass over.

Here is the gotcha, I’m working on a project that actually does provide Siri a level control of automobiles. Now who’s the [really frustrated] dumbass?

Why the hell do they call it a "pull request". That is so bas-ackwards. Can you say ESOL?

@Apple iPadOS an iOS teams: you puZies.

You release one buggy iOS / iPadOS after another, each piling on features and bugs, without fixing crowd documented long standing defects.

But what really pisses me off is when you don't have the balls to own up to your mistakes. This is at least the 3rd time you have re-released an iOS / iPadOS update under the same version number. This time it is 14.5.1

I have iPadOS 14.5.1 installed and the iPad is now telling me I need to update to 14.5.1. Just own up to it, you released buggy shit and you need to release another bug fix days after... call it 14.5.2. Call it like it is and we respect you. Try to hide it and you lose our respect, you pussies.

If Microsoft did one thing right, they defined the release sequencing:
X.Y.Z

Changing X means rewrite the manual it is so new and improved (🖕🏻 you Adobe and FileMaker)

Changing Y means it is an update with more features than bug fixes but not a generational change that constitutes a rewrite of anything (🖕🏻 you macOS team for bastardizing with 10.X.Y)

Changing Z means you fixed your stuff, we respect you for owning up to your mistakes.

Man-up Apple, grow some balls and stop confusing people with trying to cover up your screw ups. It's all about the Z.

Ever wonder why there are so few HomeKit devices on the market? It's not any absurd Apple licensing this time... it is that the Accessory Development Kit / Software Development Kit (adk/sdk) is such a land of broken toys, that's why.

The base install per the guide on the Raspberry PI as a prototyping system system is a complete cluster fuck. The install itself breaks all over the place. Clearly these people are not embedded firmware engineers.

They could have just created a ready-to-go Raspberry PI disk image that you master over to a microSD card but noooo...

(They should be put on an island and work on embedded missile firmware. Those that are still breathing in 6 months might be real firmware engineers and not script kiddies.)

If you ever manage to get their garbage to actually work with the bags of shitty tools approach to a "dev stack" ... you should seriously be awarded a Nobel prize for patience and dedication.

The Made for 'i' (whatever the fuck 'i' stands for in MFi) is really "Made For Idiots" or "Mother Fucking Interface".

<https://mfi.apple.com/en/...>

Bunch of fucking bureaucrats more worried about certification and use of logos than product development.

I wonder if everyone on DevRant grouped together and posted bug reports on Xcode, would it generate any positive response at Apple?

In the 1990s code editors on the Mac could insert the omitted function prototypes into a header file with one command; and even automatically keep the header declaration updated when you changed the source definition (name, parameters, etc)

Today in Xcode you have to copy and paste the stupid function header definition from the source code into the header file. What happens if you leave the "{" that got copied accidentally? OMFUCKING LORD, it triggers all sorts of erroneous errors in all the **source code** files where it is included instead of the header with the stray "{"

I started to question whether nor not I knew C, if gravity worked, if the sun would come up. I wasted a day of dicking around in StackOverflow trying to chase down all these insane error messages which make no sense in Xcode.

I just **happened** to see at the bottom of one of the source files, after all the erroneous error, a very important error:

"};" Expected

So I started deleting code from the bottom up in this source file, same error every time. Got to the point where the includes were all that was left.

FUCK YOU XCODE and the hacks that designed that horrendous piece of shit

Xcode is only free if your time is worth absolutely nothing.

The real OOP... Object Oriented Pooh!

Xcode Lockup #35: Changing Variable Names

You right click on a variable and get the opportunity to change the name throughout the project. Yea!

It does this funky visual collapse thing which is rather nice, showing you everywhere it is used. Fancy. And the world needs more fancy, doesn't it.

For some reason instead of letting me change the variable, I get the Beach Ball Of Death and Xcode unceremoniously quits. BUT NOT BEFORE THE FUCKER SAVED THE PROJCT FILE STATE. What?

Now I re-open the project and yep, we are back into the variable name change fancy interface and Beach Ball Of Death. Looks like the project file is now fucked.

But it was oh so important to give me the fancy folding interface... we (Xcode dorks) will fix the defects later.

Time to do some research and find an Xcode manager mailing address... cuz I'm really tired of this shit...

https://www.ipoopyou.com/orders/new

Updated to iOS 12.1.2 (sleazy release 2) after previously getting fucked up the ass by iOS 12.1.2 first release. Yes boys and girls, they tried to cover up their latest fuckup by re-releasing the same release with a modification.

The first time I updated, it knocks my Apple ID out on all my Apple devices when I upgrade my iPhone to 12.1.2. Mother fuckers... gotta log back in for every device, iPads, iPhones, Apple TVs, Macs. And for each service iTunes Store, Messages, FaceTime on each device supporting. Oh yea, it knocks out my Wi-Fi calling and I have to reestablish that too. Then to really ice me, it knocks out my HomeKit system as the Apple ID is knocked out on the Apple TV.

Now after updating just my iPhone to the second 12.1.2 "sleaze release", the thing knocks all my devices out again.

Apple has taken away that which I loved; impeccable engineering and design that could be used as the model for an entire industry. The industry guru. (teacher, leader) Apple has become the new Microsoft.

October 5, 2011, the day Apple died.

Create a new project in Xcode Version 10.1 (10B61) - Single View iOS app.

Drag a button on to the screen. It shows in InterfaceBuilder

Launch app in simulator. Button shows, then disappears. Noob says WTF?!

Poor noob has to ask me why this is happening and I explain that Apple's Single View project is a single splash screen project. The button they placed on what they thought was the single "window" is really a splash screen named "LaunchScreen".

Apple Xcode team (aka fucktards) provide yet another shitty out of the box experience...

It is so hard to be positive when teaching others how to use Xcode. Thanks for DevRant for letting me vent.

All I am asking for is a debugger in Xcode that works as well as Macintosh Programmer's Workshop ( MPW) circa 80's/90's. Maybe I am being unreasonable?

I stepped a line in the debugger and all the variables disappear... and all I get is the spinny "fuck you" indicator and the variables all disappear.

But here is the worst part... Apple isn't holding any of those fucktards on the Xcode team accountable for producing a shit product.

I'm really glad I don't have to do this as a full time job anymore. Then why do I continue to pound nails with my forehead (use Xcode)?

Whip me, beat me, make me use Xcode...

What is one of the most important things you can do related to your healthcare? Track your meds.

What **can’t** HealthKit do? Give you the ability to track your meds.

🥃💃🏼🦊 Over!

Proof that there is no drug testing at Apple:
- Xcode 10 moved code snippets in a transient spotlight-style window.

The only way you can show snippets is if you have your editor window in "browser mode" vs "document mode" and then the dumbass button with { } on it shows.

If you go into the help menu in the menubar where you can search the other menus, typing in "Snippet" shows only "Create Code Snippet" under "Editor" menu.

So to make it painfully clear, they hide the snippets under a button on a window in a particular window mode. Then, because they have now fucked up the use of Snippets, the "Create" capability becomes a "how do we do that?". This did not make them reconsider their approach... oh nooo... instead they sloppily stuff it in the regular menus all by itself... and do not put a Show Snippets near it. And conversely they don't put a "+" or "-" button in the snippets window.

So here is what happened... someone said "having the snippets in the code editor window is a pain" and someone half-listening heard "windowpane" and pulled out their stash of LSD... everyone took a hit ... and now we have a fucked up hidden button and an orphaned menu command.

I'm going to have to change my username to "XcodeDevTeamAreMorons"

late night programming + 🥃 == DevRant

Big hugs 🤗🤗 to all here, thank you for being real.

And some advice to others...

🍸+ twitter == personal damage.

When the 🥃🍸 comes out, close twitter, snapchat, linkedin and facebook. DevRant is your "safe place"

(you didn't use your real name here did you?)

@apple since I can't move Xcode's instruction pointer without crashing Xcode or my app, I have to use a global with 'if' statements to have optional debugging logic.

if( ! gAppleFuckTards) {
... do optional code stuff
}

and then change the value of gAppleFuckTards with the debugger to execute the code.. but WAIT

Xcode purports to be able to change values via debugger but really cannot... can't change gAppleFuckTards to false in the debugger. But that kinda makes sense as it is an empirical truth.

Thwarted by the cosmos again!

"Failed to initiate service connection to simulator"

I mean really... Now the iOS simulators are shitting their pants on boot.

Does anything work right in Xcode?

Xcode - it's only free if your time is worth nothing

Related to queueing theory...

Suburban traffic at a stop lights has developed a tendency to include invisible cars.

You can see where these invisible cars are by the gap between the front bumper of one car the back bumper of the next. Sometimes there is an invisible motorcycle, sometimes there is an invisible semi-tractor trailer. It is becoming an epidemic.

The dumbasses in traffic who do this are usually texting behind the wheel while stopped and they are not always Buffy the ding dong cheerleader nor Sally the Soccer Mom... Suits too... It seems to have gotten worse with pot becoming legal I just realized...

But to the point, you can tell these people would never be able to comprehend software engineering... they have no idea that for every invisible car in front of every dumbass driver like them, there is a real car way back that has to sit through two lights. (side effects of bugs and inefficient hash tables) Worse, these dumbasses do this in the left lane so it keeps a host of others from being able to get past their big fat ass into the turn lane.

Simple queueing theory escapes these people.

Computers will someday take their jobs.

Sometimes it motivates me to code faster... "There goes your job beotch! Get used to mac and cheese..."

But once in a while I am in a position to be able to be stopped at a light, and note that next to me is one of those "gapsters" and then pull my car (or motorcycle some days) into that invisible car's spot. The gapster gets so mad sometimes... >:-> so much satisfaction I almost feel guilty...

Queueing theory rules... LOL

In the “Qualities of Great Design” session at #WWDC2018. Really wish the Xcode team could be sitting in the front row so they couldn’t sleep thru the session...

oh i guess being the optimist I was thinking they would even be here. Silly me.

All the bugs that drive me effen crazy are clear and present in Xcode 10 beta. Stupid shit still rules at Xcode Central.

So I finally get code in Xcode able to compile and run after crashing in main()... due to obscure settings in it's build it does not like. Took hours of hunting around, googling, and used up all my craps table luck for the month.

Now, out of the blue, after a good 30 test run, edit, compile, run cycles... BOOM, the god damn thing starts crashing at before main() again. No friggin idea why.

Xcode says SIGABRT to me... yea well I got something for you Apple Xcode... 🖕🏼

Buggered by Xcode AGAIN. The inability of the debugger to do basic debugging relinquishes it to the status of "bugger", relieving it of its "de" title.

Can't show some basic expressions... copied and pasted from the running code

I mean seriously, what do you do if the debugger has more bugs than your project you are trying to analyze?

Xcode: took away the ability to manage multiple windows as documents; everything is a half-assed safari browser window that neither works like Mail nor like Safari.

Xcode: took away the ability to have variables in the debugger in separate displays, now it is a single basket of eye-bleeding variable/data spew.

Xcode: took away the ability to modify variable values in the debugger, it's just broken and lets you think you can but reverts the value.

Xcode: took away the debugger's ability to modify the execution pointer. You can't move the current line of execution to the previous line, the line past the current line, nothing.

The same internal human virus that manages the Alzheimers 'upgrades' of macOS Server seems to be managing the Xcode debugger, more aptly named now "Xcode stepper" cuz it makes a lot of motion but goes nowhere fast.

Have you ever tried to get something working in node.js... and the version and uninstall and reinstall... hours and hours of dicking around with this god damn raspberry pi zero only to find that node jack shit does not support the "older" ARM 6 processor on the newest raspberry pi zero Wi-Fi units. And omg the amateurs out there with the copy-paste half-assed "help" clogging out the real info. God damn hobby ware.

Note that the example tags for rants includes Xcode... There is a reason.

In 1984 Apple introduced Macintosh and we got a computer that could barely handle multiple windows on the screen. But by 1986 multiple windows all over the place.

In 1985 Microsoft introduced Window 1.0 Yes boys and girls, no "s" because it hand only one Window. 7 years later in 1992 Microsoft got their head out of their ass and produced "MDI" or Multiple Document Interface and woohoo, had multiple windows on the screen... big boy pants 8 years after Mac.

Today we have Xcode from Apple. The old Window 1.0 engineers are apparently alive and well as Xcode is a One Window Trick Pony and if you fight with it, it starts randomly jamming your separate Windows into tabs into one window, completely fucking up your spatial organization of your working source code.

It is like the bastards going into a blind man's house and re-arranging his furniture for fun.

Xcode - it's only free if your time is worth absolutely nothing.

Notice how the Apple code samples have moved from the very well designed Objective C to a mature Swift... (sorry, typo, manure Swift) Swift 1.0, wait 2.0, no hold on 3.0, oh yea 4.0. It's a moving target for their developers with code samples all over the place...

Once Swift stabilizes, sure, ok, force everyone and everything to change (seriously?).

Apple, why the FUCK do you think we want to deal with your beta crap forced down our throat? Its bad enough the language is an inconsistent illogical mess but having to come along with you for the 'we-don't-have-a-clue-what-we-are-doing' ride is utter bullshit. Leave the GOD DAMN Objective C samples up for crying out loud.

Seriously, fuck Xcode up the ass with a hot poker. What a piece of shit. It can’t even handle graphics as well as MacDraw circa 1989