Details
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AboutAn Apple developer since 1984, disenfranchised and pissed at Apple for turning from excellence to a bunch of fuckups.
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SkillsAny assembly (I piss machine code). Any communications system. C, C++ Objective C, Fortran if pressed, AppleScript for fun, FileMaker because other databases suck dick.
Joined devRant on 4/11/2017
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OK, Started to work on iOS app few months ago. Had to deal with so many xcode and swift problems that it is driving me nuts. How any sane person can code this shit language? I never seen such an idiotic syntax in my life. I worked with so many languages in past 12 years: C++, Java, Python, PHP, Ruby, JavaScript. So many code editors & IDE's: Subline, Notepad++, Eclipse, Jetbrains, VSCode, Atom. But after working XCode and Swift for few months I want to burn down my MacBook that I only had to get to work on this iOS app with this shitty XCode IDE.4
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FOUR DAYS
Tomorrow will be the FOURTH FUCKING DAY spent trying to get this piece of shit iOS simulator to not crash the app.
I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING.
FUCK APPLE. FUCK XCODE. FUCK IOS😠😤😠😤😠😤😠😤😠😤
Steve Jobs was a twat, and the IPhone X garbage piece of technology10 -
Dear Apple,
We've sent you a new message regarding your app, Xcode. To view or reply to the message, go to the Resolution Centre.
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We noticed that your app did not fully meet the terms and conditions for reasonable fucking update size. Your latest app update requires over 40 GB of free fucking disk space. Please bear in mind that many of your own fucking laptops only have 120 GB of disk space. For optimum user experience, it would be best if the user didn't have to uninstall other apps from their system just to run your shitty update system.
Next Steps:
To resolve this problem, we recommend that you fix your shit. If you are unable to fix your shit, we recommend that you don't take 30% of all iOS developer's income so that you can make giant fucking glass donut buildings, and instead use that ridiculously disproportionate monopoly-abusing cut and invest that money in fixing your shit, to lighten the load of developers on whose backs you have become the most cash-rich company in human history.
Resources:
There are plenty of resources such as Stack Overflow to take advantage of, in order to learn how not to create a bloated piece of shit IDE.
Once you've completed all required changes, please upload a new binary to the App Store.7 -
Do you believe in Spanky? I hope so, because Spanky is the one and only true being that made the universe and all of us.
If you don‘t believe in Spanky you will go to hell and will be tortured for all eternity.
Spanky loves you and has a personal relationship with every one of you.
The evidence for the existence of Spanky is everywhere and completely undeniable.
Just look at the trees. Aren’t they great?
Also We have the Spanky Bible, written by Spanky himself which says that Spanky exists. That is historical evidence right there.
Spanky is completely invisible and can’t be heard or touched, but you need to believe anyways.
Spanky chose to be hidden, even though he has made himself apparent to his people in the past, as it says in the Spanky Bible, which is true. Spanky wants to test your faith, so that you believe in him without evidence. Believing without evidence is a virtue and the requirement for being a good person.
Speaking of good person, if you don’t believe in Spanky, you not only go to hell for your sins, you also are a very evil person without morality. Because morality can only come from Spanky.
So, please, for the sake of your eternal soul, believe in Spanky.9 -
Thank you, appstore, for showing me an ad for the app that I was searching for, right above the search result for this app! 🤦♂️6
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The junior dev I've been unofficially mentoring for the past 6 months has now been assigned to me officially. On top of that, I got myself a second junior everybody neglected and was tasked to whip him in shape.
Next step is going to make a developer out of this fucker or die trying. And then I'm going to call several tech leads a cunt for hiring a junior dev and letting that person down for months.
Every junior deserves a stern, dedicated mentor, a thick affectionate whip on their back to correct their juniorly mistakes and all the support they deserve to grow into the merciless professionals you need to handle complex features beyond recoloring a button.
If you, as a tech lead, are unwilling to teach a junior, you shouldn't take the position of a tech lead, nor the salary.17 -
i earnestly believe it to be a fact that it doesn't matter if you have a team of monkeys or elite 100x "super rockstar ninja coders" (whatever that means). in the end the retard management will kill the project with their poor planning and watergile practices that will force even the toughest devs to pull their hair out and have a breakdown regardless of their skill level
we as devs have been complaining for years but management is either deaf or simply refuses to listen
the worst part is that we get blamed when inevitably the project does fail because of managerial stupidity smh7 -
"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"
So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.
First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.
So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.
Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?
I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.
Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?
"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"
So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.
More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!
I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.
And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.
"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."
You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!
"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."
I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.
So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.
You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.104 -
GOD ALMIGHTY I HATE SWIFT & XCODE...
Why the fuck does it take a horrendous amount of time to muck about with layout constraints. Why the heck does xcode choose to add constraint layouts to elements that already have pissing constraints! Why does dealing with something as trivial as tables have to be so god damn fucking involved when HTML and CSS let me create and style tables in fuck all lines.
And what the hell is up with how pissing long xcode takes just to figure out that 1 extra line of code I've just added. You jump to another file and xcode finally decides to be an ide again and bitch at the fact that you've forgotten to add some parameter or that they've decided to rename paramter "x" since version fuck nows what.
Working with abstract classes is fun, lets use protocols (because interfaces are too old school) and then lets tack on something we call extensions and then lets make people piss about with convenience initializers.
And lord almighty, what the fuck is up with casting, what all this ?! BS. What's wrong with just checking if the value is null in the first place, or whats wrong with giving something an initial value, oh because having to unwrap shit is more elegant right??
And good god, I need to own a fucking cinema screen just to have the storyboard open, there's less fucking panels on the Sistine Chapel ceiling
then there is in xcode.2 -
I do love u ranters
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Whenever I feel like I’m not good enough at my trade, I come here to read a few rants. While I am a failure, it’s so nice to know there are even more disappointing devs around.9 -
Short rant: I hate xcode, I hate Swift, I hate Apple.
After 3 weeks of intensive work (I'm an apprentice, part-student, part-worker), I was happy to go back to school and was like "Oh we're going to learn iOS, sounds cool !".
It is now friday, I have homicidal tendencies growing inside me, I want to cry whenever I hear xcode or swift.
Why in the hell I can't use a string argument when I'm calling a function NEEDING a string arg ?
Why do xcode take so long to tell me that there is a problem, why is the error message not explicit AT ALL ?
Why dictionaries so hard to manipulate, EVEN IN JAVA IT'S SIMPLIER.
Why putting our API call in specialized files make them run AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE and the solution that is given to us is deprecated since 5 years ?
Why is a classic c-style for loop is now deprecated ?
These are just a drop in the ocean of WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT that we came across this week.
Fuck Swift, fuck xcode.7 -
Gene Hackman and his wife and dog all found dead.
He was like 95 or something. She was 63. Daughter said she suspects a gas leak.
Much sad, RIP to the legend, the OG Lex Luther6 -
Instead of arguing about whether the table should be called Users or User, just call it UserTable. Problem solved6
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I've just received news that Microsoft are to release a brand new search engine in China.
It will be called "Bing Bong".2 -
You know how each generation is taught more and more advanced stuff? My grandparents didn't have a clue about the the things my parents were learning at school. My parents could only catch up with my school course until like 7-8 class. Considering this trend we should have no idea about half the things our kids will be learning in higher classes.
However, since AI is taking its pace, schools are adapting and starting to use it for teaching, workplaces are leveraging it to rely on employees' brainpower and skill less and less,... I wonder if we won't see a downtrend. I wonder if we won't be the smartest generation who managed to ingest so much knowledge, and all the generations to come will only focus on mastering prompt engineering.
I wonder, how long will we survive with this dumbed down society... As the primal instinct is to overcome your opponent with greater force, possibly destroying it and everything around. And less educated tend to rely on primal instincts more.
I wonder if I'll live long enough to see Idiocracy [the movie] manifest in real life.
I know I refer to Idiocracy movie more often than anyone refers any other movie here. But it just hits too close to home too often. It might look like a silly something to spend time staring at, but man.. It's got one hell of a point2 -
I really want an AI that codes like me so I don't have to
tired of asking AI to brainstorm ideas but it keeps solving things stupid
please, get with the program. learn my style. it's better. stop shoving your style at me. neck yourself (I can say this right? it's funny and AI has no necks anyway! dark humor funny 🥺, but illegal merchandise 😔)
*coffee rage*
guess I'll have to use my own brain because it's literally less frustrating than reading its drivel that it keeps messing up despite me saying corrections a billion times. and this is one of the SMARTER AIs. eesh
guys can you make the tools better already. *taps foot*4 -
A question for the people who say Macs are superior...
WHAT THE FUCK
I'm wrestling this iOS signing issue for the fourth day. How the fuck do people manage to build anything using tools broken by design and sold to them for the price of their mother.21 -
I'm averaging 3 hours a day outside of meetings. Mostly in 30 minute blocks.
Manager is wondering why I can't get work done...3 -
Swift, oh my god, why do you have to be like this?
I'm looking to write a simple for loop like this one in java
for(int i = 5; i > 0; i--) {
// do shit
}
Thats it, simple, go from 5 to 1 (inclusive), I saw that to iterate over a range in a for loop (increasing ordeR) I can do this
for i in 0...5 {
// do shit.
}
So I thought maybe I could do this to go in reverse (which seems logical when you think about it doesn't it?)
for i in 5..<0 {
// do shit
}
But no, this compiles FINE (THIS IS THE FUCKING KICKER IT COMPILES), alright, when you the code runs you get a fucking exception that crashes the mother fucking application, and you know what the problem is?? This dogshit, shitStain of a language doesn't like it when integer that the for loop starts with is larger than the integer that the for loop ends with MOTHERFUCKER ATLEAST TELL ME THAT AT COMPILE TIME AS A MOTHERFUCKING WARNING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!
Alright *deep breathing*, now we can't just be stuck on this raging, we're developers need to move forward, so I google this, "Swift for loop in reverse" fair enough I get a straight forward answer that tells me to use the `stride` functionality. The relevant code for it
for i in stride(from:5 to:1 by:-1) {
// do shit
}
Wow looks fine and simple right?? (looks like god damn any other language if you ask me, no innovations here piece of shit apple!) WRONG BITCHES !!! In the latest version of Swift THE FUCKING DEVELOPERS DECIDED TO REMOVE STRIDE ALTOGETHER, WITHOUT ADDING IN A GOOD REPLACEMENT FOR THAT SHIT!
Alright NOW IM FUCKING MAD, I got rage on stackoverflow chat, a guy who's been working on ios for quite a while comes up n says and I quote
"I can sort of figure it out, but besides that, iterating in reverse is uncommon enough that it probably hasn't crossed anyone's mind."
Now hope you guys understand my frustration, and send me cookies to calm me down.
Thank you for listening to me !27 -
Are HR universally incompetent? I recently rejected an offer from a company mostly because of their incompetent HR.7
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My TEN YEAR OLD twin girls came to me with a TIMESHEET and PIE CHARTS to explain to me why "Our household would benefiter (sic) a Nintendo Switch".
They... actually did what for an intern would be a passable data storytelling job (orthographic errors aside).
They explained how they would share the videogame between themselves (because it is not allowed at their school, not that we would let them bring it there anyway) in a colorful timesheet spanning four days a week.
They even put a pie chart showing how most of the time nobody will be using it.
I feel at the same time immensely proud, scared, and a wee bit freaked out that they came with all that to me but with their mother they just talked. Do I seem so distant that they feel they can't convince me without data? I gotta watch out for using work jargon at home.
Anyway, first "interns" that I have ever seen using a pie chart with the appropriate number of classes (even if highly biased).9 -
I am witnessing Einsteins theory of relativity first hand, I’m amazed. The closer I get to Microsoft products, the slower my velocity becomes. At 9 PM, I have tried to connect a MS SQL Server to an ERP System for 30 minutes. After this piece of shit robbed me of all my energy, I look at the clock and it’s midnight. Go die in a dumpster fire Microsoft3
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I applied for a position as an engineer for a nonprofit organization that helped kids across the country (and the world) and got the position. The people across the organization were wonderful and, without a doubt, mission driven to help kids and it felt good to do the work. The agile teams worked well together, every team had their roadmaps, and management always emphasized family first. The organization was making crazy money so we were given all the tools we needed to succeed.
Then, within a few months of my hiring, it was announced that the non-profit organization was being bought by a large, fairly well known for-profit company which had also been recently acquired by a venture capital firm.
The next thing we knew, everything changed all at once. We went from building applications for kids to helping this company either make money or build value for their owners. Honestly, I did not know what my day-to-day work was doing for this company. The executives would tell us repeatedly that we were expensive and not a good value compared to their other teams. It felt like we were only being kept until the systems were integrated and their had access to our decades of data.
You might think I'm being paranoid but a year after the acquisition, we still did not have any access to any of their systems. We operated on a separate source code solution and were not given access to theirs. When requests came from them that would facilitate them connecting applications to the data, it was to be considered highest priority.
The final straw for me was when I was told my compensation would be cut for the next year. We were strung along for the whole year leading up to it saying that the company was evaluating our salaries compared to others in the industry. Some of us figured that we would probably even go up knowing that we were underpaid for a for-profit tech company because we chose to work in a non-profit for a lower rate to be able to do worthwhile work. Nope! We were told that we were overpaid and they talked about how they had the data to prove it. One quick look at LinkedIn would tell you they must be smoking something that had gotten stale in a shoebox. Or they were lying.
So that was my rant. If you think you are protected from the craziness in tech right now just because you are writing code at a nonprofit, you might be wrong. Dishonest executives can exist anywhere.3