"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"

So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.

First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.

So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.

Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?

I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.

Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?

"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"

So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.

More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!

I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.

And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.

"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."

You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!

"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."

I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.

So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.

You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.

GOD ALMIGHTY I HATE SWIFT & XCODE...

Why the fuck does it take a horrendous amount of time to muck about with layout constraints. Why the heck does xcode choose to add constraint layouts to elements that already have pissing constraints! Why does dealing with something as trivial as tables have to be so god damn fucking involved when HTML and CSS let me create and style tables in fuck all lines.

And what the hell is up with how pissing long xcode takes just to figure out that 1 extra line of code I've just added. You jump to another file and xcode finally decides to be an ide again and bitch at the fact that you've forgotten to add some parameter or that they've decided to rename paramter "x" since version fuck nows what.

Working with abstract classes is fun, lets use protocols (because interfaces are too old school) and then lets tack on something we call extensions and then lets make people piss about with convenience initializers.

And lord almighty, what the fuck is up with casting, what all this ?! BS. What's wrong with just checking if the value is null in the first place, or whats wrong with giving something an initial value, oh because having to unwrap shit is more elegant right??

And good god, I need to own a fucking cinema screen just to have the storyboard open, there's less fucking panels on the Sistine Chapel ceiling
then there is in xcode.

I do love u ranters

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Whenever I feel like I’m not good enough at my trade, I come here to read a few rants. While I am a failure, it’s so nice to know there are even more disappointing devs around.

Short rant: I hate xcode, I hate Swift, I hate Apple.

After 3 weeks of intensive work (I'm an apprentice, part-student, part-worker), I was happy to go back to school and was like "Oh we're going to learn iOS, sounds cool !".

It is now friday, I have homicidal tendencies growing inside me, I want to cry whenever I hear xcode or swift.

Why in the hell I can't use a string argument when I'm calling a function NEEDING a string arg ?
Why do xcode take so long to tell me that there is a problem, why is the error message not explicit AT ALL ?
Why dictionaries so hard to manipulate, EVEN IN JAVA IT'S SIMPLIER.
Why putting our API call in specialized files make them run AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE and the solution that is given to us is deprecated since 5 years ?
Why is a classic c-style for loop is now deprecated ?

These are just a drop in the ocean of WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT that we came across this week.

Fuck Swift, fuck xcode.

Gene Hackman and his wife and dog all found dead.

He was like 95 or something. She was 63. Daughter said she suspects a gas leak.

Much sad, RIP to the legend, the OG Lex Luther

In my freelancing project, I encounter this, I HOPE this is a joke , but isn't a joke. Just wow

Instead of arguing about whether the table should be called Users or User, just call it UserTable. Problem solved

I've just received news that Microsoft are to release a brand new search engine in China.

It will be called "Bing Bong".

Today I spent 5 hours debugging.

It was a config issue.

You know how each generation is taught more and more advanced stuff? My grandparents didn't have a clue about the the things my parents were learning at school. My parents could only catch up with my school course until like 7-8 class. Considering this trend we should have no idea about half the things our kids will be learning in higher classes.

However, since AI is taking its pace, schools are adapting and starting to use it for teaching, workplaces are leveraging it to rely on employees' brainpower and skill less and less,... I wonder if we won't see a downtrend. I wonder if we won't be the smartest generation who managed to ingest so much knowledge, and all the generations to come will only focus on mastering prompt engineering.

I wonder, how long will we survive with this dumbed down society... As the primal instinct is to overcome your opponent with greater force, possibly destroying it and everything around. And less educated tend to rely on primal instincts more.

I wonder if I'll live long enough to see Idiocracy [the movie] manifest in real life.

I know I refer to Idiocracy movie more often than anyone refers any other movie here. But it just hits too close to home too often. It might look like a silly something to spend time staring at, but man.. It's got one hell of a point

I really want an AI that codes like me so I don't have to

tired of asking AI to brainstorm ideas but it keeps solving things stupid

please, get with the program. learn my style. it's better. stop shoving your style at me. neck yourself (I can say this right? it's funny and AI has no necks anyway! dark humor funny 🥺, but illegal merchandise 😔)

*coffee rage*

guess I'll have to use my own brain because it's literally less frustrating than reading its drivel that it keeps messing up despite me saying corrections a billion times. and this is one of the SMARTER AIs. eesh

guys can you make the tools better already. *taps foot*

A question for the people who say Macs are superior...

WHAT THE FUCK

I'm wrestling this iOS signing issue for the fourth day. How the fuck do people manage to build anything using tools broken by design and sold to them for the price of their mother.

I'm averaging 3 hours a day outside of meetings. Mostly in 30 minute blocks.

Manager is wondering why I can't get work done...

Swift, oh my god, why do you have to be like this?

I'm looking to write a simple for loop like this one in java

for(int i = 5; i > 0; i--) {
// do shit
}

Thats it, simple, go from 5 to 1 (inclusive), I saw that to iterate over a range in a for loop (increasing ordeR) I can do this

for i in 0...5 {
// do shit.
}

So I thought maybe I could do this to go in reverse (which seems logical when you think about it doesn't it?)

for i in 5..<0 {
// do shit
}

But no, this compiles FINE (THIS IS THE FUCKING KICKER IT COMPILES), alright, when you the code runs you get a fucking exception that crashes the mother fucking application, and you know what the problem is?? This dogshit, shitStain of a language doesn't like it when integer that the for loop starts with is larger than the integer that the for loop ends with MOTHERFUCKER ATLEAST TELL ME THAT AT COMPILE TIME AS A MOTHERFUCKING WARNING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!

Alright *deep breathing*, now we can't just be stuck on this raging, we're developers need to move forward, so I google this, "Swift for loop in reverse" fair enough I get a straight forward answer that tells me to use the `stride` functionality. The relevant code for it

for i in stride(from:5 to:1 by:-1) {
// do shit
}

Wow looks fine and simple right?? (looks like god damn any other language if you ask me, no innovations here piece of shit apple!) WRONG BITCHES !!! In the latest version of Swift THE FUCKING DEVELOPERS DECIDED TO REMOVE STRIDE ALTOGETHER, WITHOUT ADDING IN A GOOD REPLACEMENT FOR THAT SHIT!

Alright NOW IM FUCKING MAD, I got rage on stackoverflow chat, a guy who's been working on ios for quite a while comes up n says and I quote
"I can sort of figure it out, but besides that, iterating in reverse is uncommon enough that it probably hasn't crossed anyone's mind."

Now hope you guys understand my frustration, and send me cookies to calm me down.

Thank you for listening to me !

Are HR universally incompetent? I recently rejected an offer from a company mostly because of their incompetent HR.

My TEN YEAR OLD twin girls came to me with a TIMESHEET and PIE CHARTS to explain to me why "Our household would benefiter (sic) a Nintendo Switch".

They... actually did what for an intern would be a passable data storytelling job (orthographic errors aside).
They explained how they would share the videogame between themselves (because it is not allowed at their school, not that we would let them bring it there anyway) in a colorful timesheet spanning four days a week.
They even put a pie chart showing how most of the time nobody will be using it.

I feel at the same time immensely proud, scared, and a wee bit freaked out that they came with all that to me but with their mother they just talked. Do I seem so distant that they feel they can't convince me without data? I gotta watch out for using work jargon at home.

Anyway, first "interns" that I have ever seen using a pie chart with the appropriate number of classes (even if highly biased).

I am witnessing Einsteins theory of relativity first hand, I’m amazed. The closer I get to Microsoft products, the slower my velocity becomes. At 9 PM, I have tried to connect a MS SQL Server to an ERP System for 30 minutes. After this piece of shit robbed me of all my energy, I look at the clock and it’s midnight. Go die in a dumpster fire Microsoft

I applied for four jobs today, including GitHub. I feel kinda proud of myself.

I applied for a position as an engineer for a nonprofit organization that helped kids across the country (and the world) and got the position. The people across the organization were wonderful and, without a doubt, mission driven to help kids and it felt good to do the work. The agile teams worked well together, every team had their roadmaps, and management always emphasized family first. The organization was making crazy money so we were given all the tools we needed to succeed.

Then, within a few months of my hiring, it was announced that the non-profit organization was being bought by a large, fairly well known for-profit company which had also been recently acquired by a venture capital firm.

The next thing we knew, everything changed all at once. We went from building applications for kids to helping this company either make money or build value for their owners. Honestly, I did not know what my day-to-day work was doing for this company. The executives would tell us repeatedly that we were expensive and not a good value compared to their other teams. It felt like we were only being kept until the systems were integrated and their had access to our decades of data.

You might think I'm being paranoid but a year after the acquisition, we still did not have any access to any of their systems. We operated on a separate source code solution and were not given access to theirs. When requests came from them that would facilitate them connecting applications to the data, it was to be considered highest priority.

The final straw for me was when I was told my compensation would be cut for the next year. We were strung along for the whole year leading up to it saying that the company was evaluating our salaries compared to others in the industry. Some of us figured that we would probably even go up knowing that we were underpaid for a for-profit tech company because we chose to work in a non-profit for a lower rate to be able to do worthwhile work. Nope! We were told that we were overpaid and they talked about how they had the data to prove it. One quick look at LinkedIn would tell you they must be smoking something that had gotten stale in a shoebox. Or they were lying.

So that was my rant. If you think you are protected from the craziness in tech right now just because you are writing code at a nonprofit, you might be wrong. Dishonest executives can exist anywhere.

Why are people from Norway so good at editing files in Linux?
Their ancestors are vi-kings.

I’m getting really tired of all these junior-turn-senior devs who can’t write simple code asking ChatGPT to solve everything for them.

I’m having to untangle everything from bizarre organization/flow to obvious gotchas / missed edge cases to ridiculously long math chains (that could be 1/10th the length), or — and I feel so dirty for this — resorting to asking ChatGPT wtf it was thinking when it obviously wrote some of these monstrosities. Which it gets wrong much of the time.

“ALL HAIL CHATGPT!” Proclaims the head of Engineering. “IT’S OUR PRODUCTIVITY SAVIOR! LEVERAGING AI WILL LET US OUTPERFORM THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY!”

Jesus fucking christ.

I often don't see devs sad about the lack of sex in their lives.

Is it because we get fucked in the ass by management every now and then, to make up for it?

It’s just about time

Story from my friend who I drank a beer with yesterday:

His manager has balls bigger than elefants.. Hiring a group of anarcho kinda pentest / hacker fucks from a freelance portal from Serbia... Who found quite some shit in their internal systems.

You should think twice about paying them late and especially paying them only half the amount. Even though "they wouldn't sue them anyway".

Sure, they won't.

But take a smart guess what they did.

Fuckin idiot manager.

if the stars align, i will have a dobie sometime early 2024. i want to only go through ethical breeders, so the wait has been long, but it’s worth it. i’ve never had a dog before and i’m SO excited !!!

pic is of momma and one of her puppers from a previous litter, but we will be keeping the ears floppy :)

Please stop using cache as an integral part of the system.

Just... don't...

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

"The best predictor for a software engineer's career trajectory is grit, the ability to handle discomfort, and operate in a perpetual state of uncertainty." -- Gunnar Kudrjavets.

when the swift language cannot infer the generic type from the invocation, it also doesn't want you to explicily specify generic type in the bracket...

says i have a method:
```
func createDeferred<T>() -> ABC.XYZ.Deferred<T>
```

then if you call it like this:
```
let dfd = createDeferred()
```
It complaints that it cannot infer generic type T, which make sense.

But it also doesn't want you to code it this way:
```
let dfd = createDeferred<Int>("countProperty")
```
if you do so, it mumbles gibberish: "Cannot explicitly specialize a generic function".

What it actually trying to say is, you should put the type somewhere else so that it can show off its smartness to "infer" it from there:

```
let dfd: ABC.XYZ.Deferred<Int> = createDeferred()
```
with a few more typing and findout what exact type it is, it finally works.

the moral of the story is, in order to communicate with the wonderful work apple genius made, you don't tell it what is the answer straight away, that's defiance, you must hide the answer somewhere intricately and let the smarty swifty swift to find it out for you.

"Siri, is any beer left in the fridge?"

"I don't care, ask your new bit** Alexa! "