25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often

(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))

1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room

Sooo... Cant drink coffee or energy drinks with my new medication.. FML

(possibly political, but not really)

I think there's an under-reaction culture around covid19. People are mitigating it to be "just a bad flu" and keep bringing up the 2-3% death rate.

I see that people may have good intentions but spreading lies just to make it seem like the virus isn't bad is worse than the media overreacting.

I'm tired of people just repeating the same "ugh, calm down, it's just the flu!" Just because they don't want people to worry. While panic isn't good, disregard is worse.

The "bad flu" stage is only the second of three stages. Stage one is minor symptoms (so nobody cares if they are sick at this stage) coupled with patients being highly infectious (you can imagine, this is a bad combo)

Stage two is of course the famous "bad flu".

Stage three is fucking respiratory issues including pneumonia, AFTER you have already gone through stage two, which can be rough on its own.

The CDC (not any media) has issued warnings to those at high risk to stock up on supplies and medication they may need. As usual for this sort of stuff, the elderly and those with pre-existing conditions are in the high risk groups.

2% death rate (low end) is one in 50 people. That could be someone you know. 4% (high end) is one in just 25 people. That's the average high school class size where I live. That's a lot, that's pretty deadly.

Stop calling it a bad flu. Stop listening to people on Facebook, CNN, and devRant. Please visit the CDC, they are constantly giving updates.

Stay smart

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella's proclaimed "Microsoft Loves Linux."

What's his medication?

I'm fucking done with all these online systems that prioritize fancy shit over functionality. I ordered two fleet enemas, a pack of lubes, and some medication online because "somehow" I guess people are experimenting with those due to the pandemic and they are always out of stock. Weird boredom but okay.

So this site gave me two options - deliver it straight to my door or deliver it to the nearby pharmacy. I thought, "Wow, how convenient." Home deliveries aren't allowed anyway, might as well pick it up from the store that's always open instead of getting my door dick-banged by the security guard in an inconvenient time.

I chose the "deliver to the nearby pharmacy" option and they gave me a map where I would enter my zip code and it will search for it. I entered my zip code, didn't work. Entered my street address, didn't work. I zoomed into the fucking map and manually tried to point to the pharmacy's location. It's right there! I clicked it.

"ERROR. Please select the store."

Clicked it again.

"ERROR. Please select the store."

Again and again and again. I gave up and chose home delivery. Who the fuck developed this shit? Why would you put an option that doesn't work? The time you spent making it fancy should have been spent actually making it work. Give me a list of branches, I'll be happy to go through it and select the store. Hell, I'll give you the coordinates of the store. Not the most efficient way but at least it works.

How much time of our lives have been wasted to the promise of "convenience" only to get disappointed in the dumbest way possible? It's a small thing but damn, it's so small, it shouldn't even exist. That's what she said.

My pain medication makes me drowsy all the time but only lets me sleep at inconvenient times. For example, I got to sleep at 5:30 this morning. Work up at 6:30. But my body will be more than happy to put me to sleep in my computer chair at random intervals throughout the day.

Guess I'll get to work, then?

Today I tried medication (concerta 36mg) for my ADD for the first time in my life (im 26 years old).

Result is fuck yeah! I feel like a human being whos able to focus on shit. Im so jealous of normal people having a decent attention span and decent working memory.

The story of how I got my dream job.

I was working for a company with a job I got just after graduating university. It was ok, not very exciting tech but I learned a lot by just surrounding myself with professional code monkeys. I was there for about a year when my company bought parts of another company and there was talk about people getting fired. This made me worried since I was the last one to get hired, so I started looking around for other jobs. I received this e-mail from a company saying they were looking for interns, what a coincidence! I adjusted my CV and sent it in.

--A few weeks pass--

It's Friday and I'm at a dinner party, it's 10pm and someone is calling me. I pick up and it's a recruiter from this company. I get very nervous but the alcohol helps me keep my cool, I pass the initial idiot test and they invite me for an interview. Yay!

I go to work on Monday and in a 1-on-1 and I tell my boss about the upcoming interview, he gives me a high-five :)

The interview is approaching and I'm feeling that I'm about to get sick, I refuse to believe this so I start taking a lot of medicine (painkillers, cough medicine etc.). I feel a bit better and thank the gods for medication.

--D-day--

I wake up, put on my nicest clothes and get on the train. I had one hour to spare just in case, which was well needed because the fucking train is late by 30 minutes. I'm still heavily medicated because of my ongoing fever. When I arrive I basically have to run there and somehow I manage to pick up a coffee on the way there which I devour in two seconds. I'm ready for the interview!

Some guy meets me in reception and the first thing he says is "My colleague doesn't speak our language so we'll have to speak english". This is fine, I speak good english but I was not prepared for this so it caught me off-guard and made me even more nervous. We get in and start talking. Things are going OK despite my numbed brain. I try to make eye-contact to make a good impression with the foreign engineer but he keeps staring somewhere which is making me nervous.

We get to the technical part on a whiteboard and this is where my brain decides to stop communicating. I'm presented a simple task which I'm struggling with finishing, and I feel the embarrassment coming over me. "NOOOOO THIS IS MY DREAM JOB, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" I'm thinking to myself. After making myself look like a complete arsehole for some time we wrap it up and just before I step out the door I say to the engineer "You should checkout my Github page, I have lots of interesting stuff there" and he says "I'll be sure to do that" but I don't believe him.

I leave the office in fury (of myself) and make my way to the train station and even though it's the middle of the day I quickly devour two beers to calm my nerves and make me feel a bit better. I was so damn disappointed in myself, I wasted the opportunity of a lifetime! I go back home to my regular (now shitty) job.

--Two days later--

I get a call from an unknown number. I pick up the phone and it's the same recruiter guy. "So how did you think it went?" he says. "To be honest, I think it went really bad", I replied. "What? Really? Because they loved you, you got the job". (this was an obvious recruiter lie) "... wat, are you sure you called the correct person?" I said and he just laughed. The day after I quit my old job the whole department gets fired - such impeccable timing.

--A few months later--

I finish my internship and they want to keep me. I'm so happy. The engineer that was in the interview works on my team. I ask him "Why did you hire me? You know as well as I do that my interview was horrible". It turns out he _did_ look at my Github profile and that's how he knew I could write code. I also heard later that for my position there was about 2000 applicants and somehow I made the interviews.

I still work there today and I couldn't be happier (Sorry for the long text).

Please take sleep deprivation seriously!
Take care of it and don't allow stress to take you over.

Here's a little story of what happened to me:

I've had sleep problems for all of my life, but the beginning of last summer 2018 it went too far. I turned 18 and somehow all the school, dev and personal work started to pile up, I stressed about them and started to have no sleep every other day and little sleep another. Immediately I took time off from everything for trying get better sleep.

Having no sleep means that your brain starts to run in really low gear but you might not even notice it. So I started stressing about every little detail, making ridiculous decisions and doing stuff that didn't really make any sense.

I went to a doctor and was ordered to take time off for a month or so and start medication with bunch of different pills. At the time I thought the medication could wait for a day and went to an old work friend's place for night stay to discuss about everything. That wasn't obviously the thing I should've done. I was up all of that night, he slept, and in the morning he noticed something was really a bit off about me.

We went to the hospital and I agreed for a treatment in there. They got me to sleep normally again and I rested there for a while. I went back home or actually my parents' place and the problems continued, and back to the hospital I go. This time there was no choice. After a really long while, my mind started to stabilize enough that I was allowed to return to my everyday life: enjoying my summer break. It was an awful summer. I often felt lonely and bored. But at least I slept normally.

In the fall I returned to my usual busy schedule. And life's good again. This time I will manage my stress and sleep better and take them to account when planning schedule.

Create my own company with the stuff I'm learning....
Just need:
Inner strenght!
Been lacking that a lot , and with all the medication....
Else I would be dropping like one app a week, have my webportal already built, a few CNCs already producing pieces to sell...

!rant

I just saw someone write about how much he hates school and it reminded me of all I am about to say:

I go to a fancy private school in my country full of shitheads and idiots that think that they can rely on their parents money for the rest of their lives, are always concerned about the latest trends (yeezys, dabs, fidget spinners... etc) and it just gets on my nerves as I have to live with all that and have almost no friends since I failed my class two years ago, when I sit in school I can't focus on anything the teacher says which in turn contributes to my shit grades and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been diagnosed with persistent depresseive disorderand bouts of major depression and my mom won't accept to give me adequate medication because she says(although this is not always the case) that antidepressants can trigger the bipolar disorder that runs in my family, and on top of all this shit, ever since I was 7 I have been raised by my single mother after my father died (I never tell people that my father is dead usually because I hate the look of pity I get coming out of their faces) and my mother has been screwed over for all her life because she can't make a good decision or call bullshit even if you put a gun to her head.

And what I hate most about all that is that I have no one to talk to because my mom is one of those religious freaks so I can't talk to her about my real deep thoughts, and every psychologist or counselor I have been to has been shit.

And this is just another chronicle of my miserable fucking existence.

This remote work is really saving me a lot of money and makes me even more conscious about my spending.

I miss the time when I didn't work for several months minus the days I'm glued to the sofa getting double penetrated by anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. I would just wake up, write something, publish an article, work on my personal projects and portfolio, play video games, learn something new, do some citizen science bullshit, and all that. Not all in the same day, of course.

The only thing that kept me from enjoying those simple days is the knowledge that my money will run out in a few months and that I have to get a job soon. Knowing that I have no family to help me if I fuck up makes me feel more responsible than it makes me sad. It puts me into that survival mode (corny, the cringe). The fact that this project is stressing me out just adds more fuel to that.

Now I'm learning a bunch of new tools and working on personal projects that I used to think were all lame. Plus, I met another developer on Bumble. No, I did not fuck him or even attempted to. We talked about development and found other common hobbies - snorkeling and scuba diving. We talked about freelance and how freelancing websites aren't so helpful, being saturated with people from poor countries who offer cheap labor. You can argue about the quality but that's a different topic.

Then he mentioned a Couchsurfing event he attended with other divers and how he thinks the best way to snag decent clients is through relationships. I remember the times I was in the beach and some business man would have a "bright new idea" when I mention I'm a developer. Of course, we all know the all too common stories about such bright ideas but in a way, that developer from Bumble makes sense.

When I was in College, I was referred by my professor to a pretty big client in the transportation industry. We talked, they were legit, but I was too lazy and had low self-esteem back then.

When I took my phone to the repair shop, this woman came up to the technician and asked if he "makes bots". Of course, the snobby little shit that I am did not bother.

When I was still with my ex, he had a laundromat client with several branches in the country. The developers he worked with were amateurs, like "username and password is in the script" level. I could have nuked the whole thing for fun but thankfully, I didn't care enough to do such damage. And yet they managed to get this project through connection.

Last month, I met a dive master who moved from the city to that small town island paradise. She mentioned how much the house and lot costs and it's 1/4 the price of my tiny condo. Just gonna get me a few milking cows, my own products, and I'll be fucking off to the deep sea. Maybe code a few hours a day or some days, start an aquaponics farm, finally continue learning electronics, and go fishing for food like a true nigga.

Fuck seasonal depression/SAD.

Every year in the second half the sub goes for a toss and I struggle with natural source of vitamin D3.

Supplements are fine but nothing beats natural supply.

I am not anxious. I don't worry. I am always energetic and happy.

But this SAD (Seasonal Associative Disorder) just fucks my mood up.

My mood is down, I feel lethargic due to lack of energy, that leads to hypochondria and triggers unwanted physical symptoms.

I just feel low overall. Able to perform at work and day-to-day life tasks but it feels soooo out of touch with everything.

When I have some good stuff happening, yet I don't find anything to look forward to in life and this same pattern repeats every year this time of the year.

I am well aware about everything, in control, going for therapies I don't even need, making sure I am physically fit, mentally healthy, and overall fine.

But this shitty thing is beyond my control and I just cannot do anything about it except wait for sunny days or pop some medication for supplements.

Now I understand the saying that in life some days are rainy and some are sunny and everyone wants to experience sunny days. Because fuck SAD.

Hey guys.
Well I've been down last months due to a burn out and medication.
Last ween I finally got my first arduino, then second and two kits...
Now I'm addicted...
Stopped Proscriating with games.
Started learning electronics and shit, specially , started cleaning... And just did my first project :p

My New medication is !AMAZING....
Yesterday went to the Doc (another 100€ sniff) and got a new update on medication...
(check my profile history for the posts last weekend if ya curious).
One of them must be opium or something... I got so high It looked like Opium (I never did heavy drugs).
Now I'm falling all the time, Can't remember much last night and... man... I use/used Cannabis as medicine for years (on and off as needed) ... Still, remember when I could get high... And the highest time was when I learned cannabis it's great to stop suicide (A friend got me so stoned I couldn't move... Even if didn't really take out the tendencies and thoughts to kill yourself, you can't do it anyway...)
But this new Pill... ONLY SHEEAAATTTT...
Only problem,,, I can't really do shit Until my body gains tolerance... and I was doing so much cool ideas in my Office...
Btw, no more Space Again... The more drawers I place, the more stuff gets here...
But I think I'll lose all my energy again for the next months, so, fuck it.

Help me someone, please. I just installed the Fall Creators Update and tried the latest version of Edge. It's lightning fast and it looks gorgeous. What's wrong with me? Should I seek counselling, or up my medication?

Meetings.. Was I not listening? Blame it on the ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

Maybe society has AEHD (Attention Expected Hyper-Delusion).

Seriously, who can pay attention to someone speaking AT you.

We have amazing magical devices one can enchant to do their bidding; Contemplating the details of such, often, is more enjoyable than what your rambling on about, talking head.

Not sorry, ;).

Also THANK YOU, you amazing MIT's (Manager of Information Technologies). A lot of you understand and even may use your underling employee's as a vented heat sync for your frustrations. I love what you do and thank the universe I don't have to engage myself in those activities. I have sympathy for the decision to give up your jeans and t-shirts for business attire; keep strong, your role is vital. <3

The insomnia is going to have to give me a break. Work in 3 hrs, time for a nap; and no, I don't take ADD medication (Amphetamine). I don't need a prescription; I can procure my own drugs, thank you.

Nor would I do them to get through work, that's drug abuse.

Back home from vacations tomorrow.
It wasn't the best time I had but the thought of returning to daily life is already giving me a stomach ache.

Gotta take care of my little pug too, my anxiety about his partial eye keratosis isn't doing great too. Since the caretakers don't apply eye medication regularly.

There's this fear of my productivity before uni begins, I really don't want my vacation to end with me returning without completing my application.

I've still got a lot to do, anyone want to partner up with me ? I've still got load balancing and failover mechanisms which I have no real-time experience with (excluding api related stuff). I've got a general idea to use nginx.

I haven't coded anything for months now, maybe 1.5 to 2 years even, because I was struggling with depression and unresolved issues. I'm still not out of it, and I'm not seeing anyone for now because of quarantine, but I've been taking antidepressants during the last months (prescribed by a doctor) and they're beginning to have a good effect. I'm feeling better by the day, and I'm looking forward to seeing a professional and getting better without the medication after the end of the coronacrisis (which isn't something I would have thought sometime ago, so that's encouraging).

Anyway, today I took my laptop and started coding again, and I really liked it, but it really felt like my mind was fucking rusted after all this time. It took me like 3 hours to write 60 limes of code. I know that by keeping coding a bit everyday I will find my old skills again, but I was wondering if you had any tip to ease the start, like doing code exercises, or trying to make a simple project. I'll take any tip to get back on the train again, as quickly and smoothly as possible.

Second question : please comfort me and tell me I'm not the only one who is suffering or has suffered from rusted mind syndrome.

Co-founder: "It doesn't make sense in the sense that it doesn't make sense with regards to our services."

Me: I'll ask again when your meds have worm off.

My co-founder is evidently on some pretty strong pain killers, when I just asked him about a logo idea for promoting our company (it's a web dev company so it's relevant here).

When you check your logs to see how long it's been since you took your medication...

Btw guys... It isn't a real burn out if you get better by yourself in weeks or months without lots of medication... A burn out is a type of depression with lots of health problems associated, anxiety, intestinal problems, bolimy or anorexy... Constant pain, stress, muscular atrophy...

I would start with the development of the idea me and my friends made a business plan about a while back. It was about a medicine cabinet which offers you only the medication you need and the right amount of it. It furthermore informs you about side effects and alerts when you run out of stock. It was meant to fit elderly as well as also large scale hospitals were one case would be used for each room of patients.

Yesterday (March 13) was the start of spring break. I get to do statistics homework, write a political term paper, and prepare a biology presentation this week. Yesterday was also my 22nd birthday. I listened to Taylor Swift's song and declared it my theme song for the next year (I'll regret this decision in a few days). In about 9 hours (9 AM EDT), I will be getting my wisdom teeth removed. I will be on pain medication and eating soft foods and soup all week. Fun stuff right there. At least I'll have an awesome video game called LEGO Worlds to retreat to. I kept typing regret instead of retreat right there. Here, have a picture of my mouse pad at my desk. My dad gave it to me. This post is already pretty random and I'm not on any medicine yet. It must be the nervousness and perpetual collegiate sleep deprivation talking.

What is one of the most important things you can do related to your healthcare? Track your meds.

What **can’t** HealthKit do? Give you the ability to track your meds.

🥃💃🏼🦊 Over!

Lately I read post from democracy developer how we are unable to run democracy in direct way. We know something in some fields and are si fucking dumb in others. Sure we could make research, but it takes time which most of us don't have, so we could chose as we feel which could be more less correct, but even doing research could lead as nowhere. But it isnt only fucking democracy, same goes with medication, food, raising children and there goes fucking shopping. We ass people don't like shitty things or more correctly we don't want ti fucking know it and don't want expensive things, middle is the best, but when you could afford best quality it us easy to associate it with price which is so fucking lie. There is this ios and android battle and a lot of others and it is fucking insane. Why? Because everything is advertised as fucki.g awesome, cocksucking shit which could you eat, shit and eat again. It makes you full, well feed and slim, also makes you boobs, penis, ass of whatever bigger than average (always bigger no matter how much average is).

You want to buy coffee? Our brand is fuckj.g best roasted, best seeds from best plantation and costs only 7$ per kg, fuck you because it tatses like shit and makes me vomit. sure obvious scam, but what with 20-30$ coffee? It is well roasted, freshly roasted and do they fucking know how to do that?

Fuck coffee, go to buy t-shit which one isnt fucking cut off efficiency which also make t-shit stretched as ass after naked night in prison?

Laptop? Fuck you each one is fucking best for everhtbing, 4GB of RAM, slow HDD, shitty CPU and windows 10 onboard? Beast of performance and also mobile, the best laptop ever. Obvious scam, sure, but 1000$ laptop? could be decent? Fuck you, shitty hinge and case so it is like fuckenstein monster.

Why couldn't we have honest advertising? because noone will buy it, shitty shit. Even fucking numbers don't always tell you which is better... fucking shit.

Have a nice day ;)

My favorite xkcd quotes (order is not significant )
1. _*It's the world's tiniest open-source violin.*_
2. ...too honest. Scale it back.
3. I'd like to bestow upon you the first annual AWARD of EXCELLENCE in BEING VERY SMART. May you continue to grace our internet with your wisdom.
4. wait, what?
5. Yeah, uh ... I accidentally took the Fourier transform of my cat ...
6. Okay, we _suck_ at this.
7. You either need more medication or less. Not sure which.
8. I THINK EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE IS CUTE
9. World's Greatest Daughter
10. People who open bananas for the other end
11. Just for the sake of the argument, we should get a boat! You can invite the Devil, too, if you want.
12. This explain a lot.
13. My bag is 90% backup batteries.
14. Well- will you be my "it's complicated" on facebook?
15. Oh God. Gotta get out. The window.
16. Sweet! I finally got my subduction license!
17. I'll tell you later - you wouldn't appreciate the punchline over this 12kbps cell phone codec.
18. RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL
19. Just talk to them like a f***ing human being
20. In ordering #5, self-driving cars will happily drive you around, but if you tell them to drive to a car dealership, they just lock the doors and politely ask how long humans take to starve to death.
21. I eat my body weight in food every 31 days. That's slightly faster than the human average.
22. Nice try, Mike. Get out of the well.
23. Apollo retroreflectors
24. Can't see space vampires
25. My class on screenshots was a big hit, although for some reason I only ever sold one copy of the digital textbook.
26. WHAT.
27. Introducing The xkcd Phone 6, VIII, 10, X, 26, and 1876. We didn't start this nonconsecutive version number war, but we will not lose it.
28. My morality has evaporated over the harsh UV light.
29. Come on. Somewhere at the edge of the bell curve is the girl for me.
30. P.P.S. I can kill you with my brain.
31. Time to accelerate this giant machine up to terrifying speeds and steer it using my hands, which I am allowed to do because I took a 20-minute test in high school!
32. My normal approach is useless here
33. Wake up, sheeple!
34. Sir- strategic command has send us a lunch order.
35. Yeah, but first I'm gonna go comatose for a few hours, hallucinate vividly, and maybe suffer amnesia about the whole experience.
36. HOLY S***. Guys- people are complicated!
37. OH GOD- SPIDERS
38. Perhaps you need a crash course in taking hints. Here's your first lesson: We're not actually walking somewhere together; I'm trying to leave this conversation and you're following me.
39. How did the pole vaulters get up to our balcony?
40. Friggin' Python
41. I am the goddamn *Michael Jordan* of blurring the line between metaphor and reality. [tosses a basketball]

Hi guys,

im developing a medical app which is able track and remind you with your medication intakes. The app lets you scan the barcode of your pills.

For testing of the scanning i would need pictures of french (CIP) and spanish medication barcodes.

Would be super awesome if you guys and girls could send me a quick picture of the barcodes ❤️

Thank you

Build a automatic diagnostic system that sequences your DNA and runs blood tests in hours, then creates personalised medication for your illness.

My dream project I already built but I would like to make it better so it's still a ongoing project.its a self help medication system for over the counter medication (panado herbal remedies etc).pick an ailment and it will give recommendations that will print out the receipt.this system can be put into pharmacies.

Recently prescribed a prozac-like medication, does it slows your mental ability in any way?

ADHD medication

I made a self-medication system for pharmacies for over the counter(non prescription) medication with Java with swing and mysql and then I shifted to Java with sqlite and swing.i don't even know if that's a good or even legal thing to keep working on.