I today went to computer store to upgrade my laptop's ram. My laptop currently runs Fedora Gnome. The shopkeeper told me that he can help me out by removing the "Chinese Windows" that my laptop is running...😂😂😂

bad code that works 👍

source: reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/

When I Googled a problem I faced, and found a YouTube video solving it, then tried to thumb 👍 it up, but YouTube said: "You can not like your own videos!"
.
.
I recorded it for a friend two years ago!

No, I am not interested in working with you...

Still true

Future Teller: Your bad code and unhappy behavior will last till you're 30.

Me[curiously]: and after 30?

FT: You'll get used to it.

Programming as fast as you can because of deadlines

Documentation is like sex.
When it's good, it's very good.
When it's bad, it's better than nothing.

Phone call...
Caller: we contact you to arrange an interview for Java developer position, what time is good with you?
Me: Sorry Sir, I am javascript developer not Java developer!
Caller: You mentioned in your CV that you are using Java and Ayax for building applications!
Me: Trust me Sir, I don't have any relationship with your Ayax...
Caller: No problem, we can discuss this small technical difference in the interview. When you are available for it?
Me: No Sir, I am not available.

The client: Why you are writing using strange language, why you didn't use English? We can't accept that...

He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Found this on Twitter

Anyone else here ever used a bit of bluff to land a job?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Found one more gem ;)

Yes, my life is colorful...

Let me guess. I can't touch this?

A software engineer was smoking...

A lady nearby asked him: "Can't you read the warnings? Smoking is injurous to health!"

He replied: "We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!"

I hate ZenHub. For those who haven't heard of it, it's an agile project management solution that is hacked (and by hacked I mean really hacked) on top of Github.

It's touted as being convenient because you can have all your issues in Github and then look at them in epics and board format. Sounds awesome. Except it's not. For everything "convenient" it does, it severely lacks the most basic ticket management features that make any ticket management solution usable. Ex., you can't copy tickets. That's right - if you're creating 20 similar tickets, which I've needed to do in the past, you must create each one individually. New ticket -> add labels -> add assignee -> add title -> add description and then submit. 20 times.

ZenHub is so bad and so poorly conceived that many of those who use it have lost sight of project management reality and are blind to the 300 other PM products out there that are better.

True story: a couple of weeks ago people were celebrating because ZenHub added functionality to allow you to define what epic an issue belonged in while you were creating it. For those who aren't familiar with what that means, let me explain: before two weeks ago, when creating an issue in ZenHub, to fill out this "epic" field, you needed to first create the issue and then edit it to fill in the epic.

Let me break that down in devRant terms: it's the equivalent of not being able to add tags to a rant until you create it and then go back and edit it. Complete lunacy is the only way to describe it. And when they added the functionality two weeks ago allowing you to do it all in one step, people praised them!!!

Yeah, ZenHub sucks.

Twitter and tumblr joking

Dat girl

Went to internet programming class (basic html, css and js) for the first time.

Teacher: Ya'all need to install notepad++
Me: ... I don't have notepad++ because I'm a linux user (notepad++ is overrated)

Teacher: Then what would you use?!

Me: Any CLI editor (in light voice)

Teacher: huh? What did you say? Never mind download linux version of notepad++

Me: 🤔 (but that shit doesn't even exist)

Boss: we are going to build a blockchain. ( he is smiling proudly)
Me: we are doing data visualization boss!!! Why we need the blockchain?!?!?
Boss: I am disappointed in you!!! You don’t read any Tech news or follow the market trends? BlockChain is tending nowadays... ( showing angry emoji using his face)
Me: it is not related to our work by anything!!! What we will visualize? A success of the transition? The amount of it? A visualization of the nodes?
Boss: (shouting) there are a lot of opportunities using the BlockChain in our days, and it is critical to our business...
Me: boss, there many opportunities using the ******* BlockChain, and I am leaving this company by the end of the month... find a ******* BlockChain developer to visualize the ******* process...
Boss: ........ (silence)
Me: .... (already resigned)

Want it😋

Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%

Feedback: Bad UI.

A guy asked me today after we were having a chat about bad programmers at his work place:

Guy: "What do bad programmers move to after they constantly mess up and get stuck on tasks?"

Me: "Management!"

Me: So what you are doing in the IT field?
Him: I am hacking bank websites.
Me: OK, that's cool. It is good in free time. What is your actual job?
Him: I am seriously hacking the bank Web site!
Me: Trust me, if you seriously doing that you will never ever mentioned it...
Him: No, I am doing it legally... The bank hiring me to try to hack the website...
Me: OK, you mean that you are cyber security tester?
Him: That is almost the same...
Me: So you are tester?
Him: I am hacking bank's websites...
Me:....

When my friends ask me to root their devices...

To install custom rom: 0.1%
To do some random fuckery: 99.99%

Random fuckery like:

Friend 1: Root my phone!
Me: Why?
Friend: I want to run this so called game hack tool.

Friend 2: Root my phone!
Me: Why?
Friend: I want to hack my neighbor's wifi!

Friend 3: Root my phone!
Me: Why?
Friend: I want to use netcut...
Me: But you don't have a wifi connection right?
Friend: When I use neighbor's wifi he slows down the internet! I bet he is watching some p***

Beware: this is me expressing how I feel about my programming/my skillset, and so on. It might be imposter syndrome but I am having a fucking bad episode right now and I just need to get this the fuck out.

I work at a distribution center right now. Can I provide for myself? Yes. Do I even slightly like my work? No I fucking hate it to the point. I hate going there every day, doing shit I don't like, not being able to focus on the shit I love but that's it for me for now.

In my free time I still am able to program a little but then the (I will call it imposter syndrome for now as I have no clue how to call it) imposter syndrome comes looking around the FUCKING corner.

*What the fuck are you doing? For real man, someone else could do that like way fucking better*

*Wow man your code..... there are so many people who would write that a million times better*

*You have re-written this for 10 times now. But seriously, this still sucks fucking balls*.

Fucking hell. Yes, at programming level I am still a junior, I fucking know that. But it fucking sucks feeling like anyone but you would do the shit you're making better anyways.

How fucking down can you get yourself. How bad can you make yourself feel through just a few fucking words/thoughts.

The only thing I am happy about right now is the fact that a very good friend is able to keep me at least slightly sane right now.

One of my friend sent me this gem😂

😂🤣😆

How to be badass?
Step 1: Buy a new windows laptop
Step 2: Boot a linux live cd
Step 3: sudo rm -rf /
Step 4: Install Linux
😂😂😂

“Don’t comment bad code—rewrite it.”
—Brian W. Kernighan and P. J. Plaugher

I just can't understand what will lead an so called Software Company, that provides for my local government by the way, to use an cloud sever (AWS ec2 instance) like it were an bare metal machine.

They have it working, non-stop, for over 4 years or so. Just one instance. Running MySQL, PostgreSQL, Apache, PHP and an f* Tomcat server with no less than 10 HUGE apps deployed. I just can't believe this instance is still up.

By the way, they don't do backups, most of the data is on the ephemeral storage, they use just one private key for every dev, no CI, no testing. Deployment are nightmares using scp to upload the .war...

But still, they are running several several apps for things like registering citizen complaints that comes in by hot lines. The system is incredibly slow as they use just hibernate without query optimizations to lookup and search things (n+1 query problems).

They didn't even bother to get a proper domain. They use an IP address and expose the port for tomcat directly. No reverse proxy here! (No ssl too)

I've been out of this company for two years now, it was my first work as a developer, but they needed help for an app that I worked on during my time there. I was really surprised to see that everything still the same. Even the old private key that they emailed me (?!?!?!?!) back then still worked. All the passwords still the same too.

I have some good rants from the time I was there, and about the general level of the developers in my region. But I'll leave them for later!

Is it just me or this whole shit is crazy af?

Bad code 😂

A rant about my OS teacher. The PCs in the lab does not work well and sometimes are unable to start x server on pc startup.

Teacher: To start writing c programs on redhat, open terminal and type gedit and press enter. Then start writing them on the application that opens up.

Students: ok!

*2-3 weeks later*
A female student turned on a computer and x server failed to load. So teacher suggested her to use nano.

Teacher: Type nano and start writing the c program.

The girl started doing so but she was unable to save the file and used various key combinations and kept losing her work. So I started helping her. Teacher scolded me for helping her out and said that she can do it by herself. But then teacher saw her unable to do so.

Teacher (to her): Do like this, *presses dozens of key combinations and kept discarding the contents of the file*.
Teacher: Damn use gedit... Why are you using nano.
Me: The x-server is not running and keeps crashing...
Teacher: ....?
Teacher: The display server is not working.
Teacher: huh?
Me: PC is not working correctly. Let me tell you how it's done. *pressed ctrl+x and saved the file and compiled the program with gcc*.
Teacher: Well whatever... So, students use another pc if gedit is not working.

You know what? It's good that Ubuntu's unity is dead... Fuck unity!😂

I will open Bakery...
<The Retaired Developers Bakery />

I didn't know any one of them, we just meet at the TADHack last week end. Because my team members apologies at the last moment, I joined one of them who forgot his laptop. The third came after five minutes asking "can I join"?
We established a team from three different backgrounds, and started the work. Each one built what he know, and we integrated all of it together.
Luckily, we won.... I enjoyed these weekend...

app.rate++;

Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.

I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.

Assholes!

When I was in my diploma college, they made us use Borland Turbo C for fucking 2 years... Since the intense blue coloured light always put strain in the eyes, I used to make the program in any other text editor and compile it with that damn blue screen Borland Turbo C... Once a teacher saw me doing this, she asked why am I not using that IDE, I said it strains my eye, she forced me to use that shitty IDE. Then I started using it in windowed mode but she still forced me to use it in full screen... Arghh... Thanks to them, I have to wear glasses now...

OK... OK... OK...
Today we reached another level of security for one of our MiniMac in the office...
sudo chmod -R 400 /
Oh... he was supposed to write ./ but he forgot the dot...
Now, even the OS can’t work...

Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.

No dedicated tester means less expenses.

No personal parkspot?
No expenses!

And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!

Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.

Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.

You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.

Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.

It would be nice if you could build apps as well.

You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.

You finished the site?
Great!

But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.

All hail their crazy company!

Him: I am a software engineer.
Me: That is great, do you use specific technology?
Him: Multiple, but my basic is YouTube.
Me: Sorry, I didn't get it? You mean YouTube API?
Him: No need, I have a channel on YouTube... And podcast a lot about software engineering.
Me: So you don't write code anymore?
Him: I didn't, engineering is more than writing codes.
Me: Yes it is....

Our first programming class was about how to prepare a cup of tea, how to write the pseudo code of this process, then how to write it using any programming language... It was the greatest lecture ever...

They are serious... Ohyah..

That moment when you come to know that the weird behavior of your app is not due to your own incompetence but the bugs introduced by the OS itself!

Few years back I managed to write a conky script after watching Breaking Bad.

The OS is elementary OS.

One of my friend's was watching me code. When I got an error, this is what he said.

"You got a big error, so you must be a bad programmer"

If i'd get a penny for every time i typed backgorund instead of background i'd be so rich :)

Clearing the cache.
Tried clearing cms cache
Tried restarting iis
Tried browsing incognito
Tried deleting browser cache...

WHY U STILL SHOW OLD CSS?!?!

Even the comic's artist hates PHP!

bad code that works is bad code.

As a developer, you are working with colourful text, strange syntax, alot of math, and all the time you know that you are not the best yet!

I stared at the errors with the hope that they would go away. And my friend did this.
Now the errors are gone.
Bad day

It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.

Client: We want a car with 2 doors.

We: Here is you car with 2 doors.

Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.

We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.

Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.

We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.

Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...

It's never enough

One million daily users.... Simple goals!

By looking at our source code, I see what makes a bad programmer. I see "invalid data" in error logs, guess which of the following 3 conditions caused this:

function somefunc() {
if(condition_1) {
throw "invalid data"
}

if(condition_2) {
throw "invalid data"
}

if(condition_3) {
throw "invalid data"
}

return some_response;
}

Sometimes I feel really bad becouse i am incapable of coding faster.
I saw someone coding a prototype of pong in 5 minutes.
It took me 30 minutes just to make the constructor function of the paddles

Let's do some more of that epic coding! *Puts on Star Wars music*

Just get your hands dirty....

Next level stuff... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just had my first demo here. The resolution of the screen was set at 150% screwing more up then i hoped for.

I didn't dare to show the iPad version. I had seen enough bugs in those 10 minutes.

Don't put this developer in the center of attention. Please.

Is it only me or does anyone else think that they are a bad developer? Everytime im on devrant i think that i dont know shit.. :(

Encouraged a friend to quit his current job. He is mentally unstable now because of his employer. His jerk employer harasses him and blames him stuff he didn't do. Blames him pre-existing bugs/bad features/bad codes from three years ago! He just got employed by that jerk employer two months ago. I know how my friend works because he was once my team leader for 19 months. He works harder and is one of the best devs I've ever met. He doesn't deserve a dickhead employer and that dickhead employer DOES NOT deserve a talented(skillful) software engineer like my friend. If anything happens to my friend, a lot of people will be hunting him down.

I’ve never made any of my code open source, because I’m afraid that it’s so freaking bad someone will bash me for it, but I’m really trying my best.

I hate it....

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

Want to hide this devRant apps on android but how?

Because everytime my wife see this devRant, she say, wtf this app? So many bad word, so many "fuck", you must avoid see bad words too much ,she said. Lol its true but still happy to see it, because its damn true. I love to see people say the truth

The best part about being a teaching assistant in programming is the ability to bitch about bad code.

The worst part is all the bad code...

Don't need a cat as an avatar. I already have a real one!

Yo devs! Hello World from India! New here, so let's all rant together

Someone testing in production?🤔😂

Our school website is so bad and uses a 100€ WordPress theme -_-

Worst advice about programming...
My discussion with my company sistem admin :
Me : you must always think that users are dumb and will make mistakes (like putting letters when db saves as number)
He : users must learn, if they make such mistakes its their fault.

My claim: I learned early in school to always assume that users are stupid and will always find bugs and exploits by coincidence. So protect your code from bad imput

When you ask satan for help...

Your website is so bad
It has transformed into a web-shite!

At my university, all the CS professors, lecturers and students mix up git and GitHub...
I feel like yelling to them Git != GitHub. Github is just a website that lets you use git and host your repos there!!!

I hate seeing TL;DR. It's fucking everwhere! In YouTube thumbnails, google searches, website titles, blogs, spam emails, stackoverflow... Damn these mofos, this is one of the worst trends of 2016-2017!😠😠😠 The people who don't know what it means, use it in the start of their Facebook posts which are of just 2-3 lines, Are you guys fucking retarded!!! Stop this nonsense already! Their are other words in English that can be easily used in the place of Fucking TTLLDDRR!!!😠

I have a bad memory, but I have stack overflow

Friend was trying to send me a file via gmail to help her debug it. Gmail wasn't accepting the attachment, so I told her to upload it on github or pastebin. So she created a repository and sent me a link. After opening the link I saw the horror.

THERE WAS JUST ONE FILE IN THE REPOSITORY. THE WHOLE DAMN PROJECT IN A FUCKING ZIP FILE. I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF SHE WOULD HAVE UPLOADED THE SINGLE FILE WITH ERRORS IN IT BUT THIS IS SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT.

Then on the next day I asked her about the fuckery she committed, she was like, "uh github wasn't letting me upload all the files at the same time so I made a zip file of the project and uploaded it."

PS. Most of the people in my class are supposed to know about how to use git and github, we're already in the 4th year of Engineering. Even our juniors know how to use the damn thing.

Work partners, teamwork is important B-)

Anybody have the bad habits of biting nails down and sometimes tearing the skin off finger-tips just because licking the blood is somehow calming?

If so, how do you combat it?

That feeling when a coworker screws up totally. doesn't accept it as their fault.

You look at the code and see so much of redundancy and bad practice galore.

You look at it for a while and think you can rewrite it from scratch. But you finally end up saying "fuck this" and feel hopeless because there is not enough time.

Hate that feeling. Hate it. Depresses.

Me: so, what are you doing as a developer?
Him: I am full-stack developer, basically ROR...
Me:...! Sorry, do you mean R&D, research and development? Or you mean Aroura DB?
Hi: no man, I am expert in ROR! You can not call your self developer in our days without knowing the on demand technologies!
Me:... Sorry dude, can you please tell me what is ROR, I don't want to lose my title as a developer!!!?
Him: OK, we call Ruby On Rails as ROR.
Me: ~¢°¤”©°$®”«

My manager asked me: Did you tested the website on all browsers?
I simply said YES. Then he asked again, Did you test it on IE?
I simply replayed: what that IE? We don't use untrusted application for testing our work.

Taxi Driver: Do you like this song Sir?
Me: Not sure, I don't know it!
Taxi Driver: Alexa, change the song...
Me:...

Just had the shittiest job interview ever. Had to do two tests. And since i was nervous as fuck and can't do proper JS i obviously failed!

So... I made a post last month about Portugal burning....
This month... Portugal has the worst drought in 80 years...
It has became so bad that animals are dying of hunger because there isn't anything to feed them, or thrist because there is no water...
Even water dams are empty...

Man... Is this the effect of climate change, or just bad luck?

When you do something awesome and remember that nobody knows jackshit about programming, but then you post about it on Facebook but only that you get likes from few people who likes all your posts anyway...

But then you remember that you are already doing a degree and so you share a link about that awesome thing with your degree mates but you still get usual "congrats" replies.

Always check the file carefully before deleting it😶

So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".

Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.

Can comeone please fire this guy?

Our team spent 2 continues weeks working on deadline, without going home, doing all our activities in the company, learning from each other, nd developing great apps. Once upon a time.

I've been doing it the wrong way my entire life...😅

I am good as Front End developer, using JavaScript I can do the job, the whole job. Developing, Styling, designing and deploying the web applications is my daily job for few years now...
Today I quit my job for a new position as Back End developer using a new programming language I totally know nothing about it!!!
I am not sure about my decision... but I would like to take the risk....

It's rant time!

So, as a broke electrical engineering student, I got this job in a local company. They used JSF and my skills in java were, at the very least, small (former PHP developer). But as a self taught developer this didn't stopped me and I went full on java learning (very bad year for my EE studies).

I became the 'guy in charge' for several of their projects (yeah, they did exploited broke students, I realized this far too late). I was very proud of myself, I worked hard, showed my true value, and they became impressed.

One nice thursday night, my "handler" emailed me with a urgent request. They needed an entire jsf application done by monday and the requirements were fairly complex.

Oh boy, I had a total of 10h of sleep from thursday to monday. I didn't even slept before going to my monday class, but I delivered the system. Got an pat in the back... "you're awesome"... I was happy.

6 months later: I received an email asking to fix a bug in the system. No problem with that. Oddly, this bug was a MAJOR bug. There's no way the system worked properly for six months with it. I fixed it in no time and commited the changes.

Turns out that this was the first time the system was going to be deployed. They made me go in an insane weekend dev project, and didn't even used the system for SIX MONTHS!!! I started to work my way out the company after this, aiming to open my own software company.

I still remember some other rants from the time I worked there. But these are for later.

Nice week for you all, may the sprint go gently and the clients be kind.

Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.

Knockout JS.
I am not sure if the library itself is so bad or the code which I was working on was ugly. But since then I avoid anything that is related to knockout js.

Yeah i applied for a job once without much js experience. I got invited for an interview and a couple of tests. The interview went well. I think the cognitive test wasn’t bad either.

However they wanted to see funky js shit i hadn’t ever done or see before and also was totally useless skill wise.

I asked if i could google answers (who doesn’t in their daily script job?) but i wasn’t.

I tried for like 5 or 10 minutes and then blurted out to the major CTO super tech savy master degree microsoft-o-worthy, that my js skills weren’t up for the task.

He gave me a couple of links to pdf’s with programming basics teached at a high school. Totally cool and understanding.

I walked away ashamed and probably red as a tomato. Excused myself for wasting his time and left as quickly as possible.

Just decided to upgrade to fedora 28 and found out that it needs 2.5 GB data to download so I went for clean install and downloaded 1.7 GB worth iso of fedora 28 cinnamon edition.
> Lived booted it and it said cinnamon crashed, would you like to restart cinnamon? I clicked yes and it started smoothly.
> Carefully cleaned up my /home so it won't conflict later on.
> Installed it and booted.
> Cinnamon crashed.
> Tried everything, cinnamon crashed.
> Reinstalled
> Cinnamon crashed

Well. Fuck U Fedora/Cinnamon, whoever is behind this fuck up.

Warning deadline over due!Warning deadline over due!

Brace yourselves, long code nights are coming!

Old, bad quality and not mine. Still just had to share

The taxi driver has Rubber Duck setting in front of him looking forward to the traffic... Another level of debugging...

Me to coworkers tomorrow: best wishes.
Me to boss tomorrow: Go f*ck yourself

Android's java code is so verbose for even the smallest examples😨

Just found this gem...!

tfw your english is too bad to even rant :-(

BSOD at Dominos

What if AI never evolves and stay dumb as usual?😂

Me: JavaScript, you are crazy...

JavaScript: honey, you can not live without me... If you survive without me, leave now!!!

(That was three years ago)
and I am still writing #JavaScript applications

Why are my projects NEVER done?

Because of Steve Jobs,
We lost our Jobs.....
Flash developers thoughts....

Ow how badly i want to punch the designer in his face

Bloody scammers and bloody Paypal.
So I bought echo spot just to see how good it's voice recognition is and also wanted to see what the spot does different. So I found out that it was like hello world for AI. So I wanted to sell it on ebay-kleinanzeigen.de. It's a website from Ebay here in Germany where you can easily sell your stuff that you don't need anymore. I put it there and someone just wanted it so badly and he said that he broke his friends spot and he has no money and he need it very badly cheaper. My price was 98€ and I believed him and sold it for 85€. Now he got the device and wants the refund because the device doesn't match the description and the things he mentioned weren't even in the description. The message you see in the pic it says: It doesn't do skype and it is impossible on that device. First It is his responsibility to inform himself about the device features I'm not Amazon to write something like that in the description I've to just say how the device looks. Second it does skype and it is possible but both partners must have the same device and they should connect it to their smartphones.
But that is not the bad part that my money is ceased and got ownd by a scammer. The bad part is that I wanted to reply his message but the bloody paypal design won't let me do that. Remind me how old is paypal now? It's been there for ages and the footer is just stuck in the middle of the page and won't allow me to click on reply button. Of course I later managed to write a reply but paypal shouldn't have these kind of problems.
I'm so upset right now because these things are wasting my time. I've my final exame in a week and I've to develop a parameter based multilingual CMS, just imagine how long would just data structure take.

//computer class at school doing html

classmate:"Hey can you help me? that img isnt showing."

me:"Yeah of course" *look at screen and see a single line if code without spaces or anything*
"What are you doing? Why do you write everything in one line?"

classmate:"Ohh you can write it over multiple lines?"

me:"...."

At that time we worked with html for around 2 weeks

I would like to rant one more time about my internship.

I began in July, the first. That's my sister who helped me to find this internship and I was a little scared about how bad it could be.
I came at the office, my boss told me that I would work in an "Innovation lab", an apartment where people works on projects that are less corporate than the enterprise's ones.

To me, it was amazing. So I came in this apartment, it was like a dream. I didn't know that I would have such luck to be in this environment : kitchen, sofas, beds, many decorations for all political ideologies, ideas. There was some decorations that were about weed and many cool things for the young guy I am.

The lab's leader told me that it was a very free environment and all the awesome stuff I could use.
Then they showed me where I would work.

We were two interns employed as web developers. We had a complete room for us.
Then we began to work there, and I was presented to my internship tutor.
He gave me some instructions but told me that I had a week before the project begin.

Here began the troubles.

We waited a complete week without having any instructions. Then we began to build something in PHP with our knowledge and the informations someone from the lab gave us.
When finally we had news from the project, two weeks later, we learned that the project would be built with ASP. NET.
Here we go, I learn ASP. NET alone. I have many problems and nobody helps (even if the problem comes from enterprise's API/Framework). I finally make something usable with no help, after I discovered that my mate wasn't developer at all and just took an option for her classes which forced her to get an internship.

She had 3 month left, I had 6.
Then when the project really began, nobody came to verify what I was doing and on a meeting, they said that I was doing nothing.

The boss even became mad on us because he couldn't see what we were doing (we're back end developers).
I asked for help to the developers of the enterprise and someone came, sad to have to help an internship, and learned some tricks but nothing else.

To have a concrete explanation of what DDD was, I had to ask 4 times for help.

Finally I had something that could receive data from the connected hives we are working on and store them into a database in the architecture of the enterprise.

Then, they wanted me to try an API for them. I tried, and it wasn't working at all. So they make me still wait to change my whole architecture when the API will be released.

Recently, I was told that I would never do the front-end of the project (which was an horror because of the fantasm of the lab leader). Then they realized that my late wasn't a programmer. So they asked me to make a prototype for the front-end. I did for a presentation.

Then they didn't tell me the device they would use for the presentation and it was an iPhone 7. Idk why, safari couldn't display what IE can.

They blamed me for having done a bad work. It wasn't my job. I did it to help because they can't find a fucking front-end developer with a little more experience than me.

Actually, I am an alone developer since my mate is gone and the lab leader don't want me to show up because she considers me as a shame.
I asked to be moved back in the office of the enterprise, they agreed and said it was a 2-weeks delay. It's the Thursday of the second week and I have no news. I send mails to my tutor, even SMS, he doesn't answer me. They didn't call me to give me my pay with a week late. And the person who is responsible doesn't answer me neither. I came to see her, but she wasn't available. I'm now alone in a desk, waiting the time to pass.

Fucking this shit.

I'm in France.

EDIT : I forgot to say that I can't use the sofas or bed because I'm allergic to cats and there were 3 cats. Now there is still one and this beast vomits and poos everywhere in the house...

Recently I've started thinking about how we are always told "No you can't do that" to everything. That feels like a theme in our industry.

I've also been thinking about how often people say well done to each other, or just comment that something is good in a pull request. Everything is always focused on bugs and mistakes - not good bits.

The first point conflicts with the idea that when using languages and frameworks you should follow their philosophy or you're gonna have a bad time - but in all other instances you mostly don't have wrong answers, just answers that can be better so a lot of stuff is opinion based.

I've decided to change my ways and focus just as much on good stuff as bad when I review code and to make sure I'm focusing just as much, if not more, when people do something good.

I think I do a good job, but I don't think I've been told I'm doing a good job or that anything specific is good more than a couple times in the last year - mostly in mandatory reviews. What about you?

If got to do some bugfixing at work today.
Looking through code:

if (x !== undefined || x !== null){

I want the person who wrote this to wear the ugliest and scratchiest christmas sweater with "i write bad code" written on it

Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?

All my tasks was development, last week our boss gave me a testing task, and I completed it.
He said that the developers will hate me if I keep reporting every expected/unexpected, small/big, normal/critical bugs , so that he sent me back to the development team.
I just wondering if I misunderstand the word "testing"!!?

Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"

-_-'

It was 3 months project, but it takes 9... bad management and the client changed his requirements every weekend. I quit the job after it.

first post!

I just finished running my first Arduino program, I am perfectly able to switch the led on and off.
Should I add it to the CV!!!
Or should I build the whole traffic light three leds first?!?
I am confused....

So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...

Best wishes for the new year. Happy 2017 fellow devs!

As a rookie programming, I wrote really bad code and didn't understand why. Now, I've improved to where I know bad code, but I continue writing studios horrible solutions. And in the end up refactoring much until I don't have energy to look at my code anymore. This although knowing what I should/shouldn't do. Shame!

Some days I feel like drinking to forget the bad legacy code Ive seen.

I remember a story from my diploma college.
Sitting in the computer lab, having nothing to do and getting bored (internet was down, teacher didn't gave any assignment either and she wasn't present there at the moment) I decided to restart the PC which was running Windows XP at the moment. Grub showed up and I selected Ubuntu. I logged in and was swinging my mouse all over the screen. Just then, the lab attendant came up to me.

She: "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

Me: (Surprised) "... What do you mean?"

She: "Why you opened UUbbbaaanttu?!"

Me: "I was bored... And..."

She: "Do you even know how to use it? Don't mess with the computer, you will destroy it..."

Me: "Umm, I've been using Ubuntu for like 2 years. Don't worry."

She: "Close this *WINDOWS* and use xp"

Me: "But..."

She: "I will call HOD"

Me: "Jeez... Okay!" (I rebooted to xp again just because I didn't wanted her to shout at me again)

There were lot of incidents that happened to me similar to this one with that lab attendant...😂🤣

Sometimes I write bad code and feels guilty about it. Am I the only one who does like that?

One more reason to hate on StackOverflow... Apparently you cannot ask questions with certain tags if you are a newcomer or ain't active on StackOverflow. Just tried asking about sensormanager and they lost their shit! Talk about adding insult to injury! Pathetic Elitists!🤬

Developing a clothing shop and being bored. Adding clients like Napoleon Bonaparte with the comment that this person is missing a hand.

What if the ransomware guys are poor? That's the problem, you only think about yourself!😂😂

Once I deleted my whole java project at night (10 PM) by using shift + delete keys accidentally while trying to delete old files. File recovery tools were not able to recover it. The worse part was that I had to present it on the next day. I didn't knew what to do, after banging my head on the table for an hour I called 2 of my friends to send me the backup of the repository. To my horror, they said that they never synced it locally! At last I called the last person whom I had sent the compiled JAR 1 month earlier for testing purposes.

He sent me the obsolete JAR at 12 AM. I knew that I had lost my all of my progress that I made in the month.

I calmed myself a bit and and decompiled the JAR, fixed some messed up stuff, and re-did the whole work till 4:30 AM and finally went to bed with those burning eyes (White eclipse theme + redshift).

Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!

So far i've been asked at least three times this week if i like it here.
I consider this a disadvantage...

At some event at my university while sitting in the auditorium a teacher demonstrates how cool and easy it is to hack a wifi on Kali (He didn't tell students that it was a wep one)...
Me to my friends: Hey he is just trolling you guys, you won't find wep security wifi anywhere nowadays...
Some random friend: How do you know?
Me: Because I used to do this sorcery when I was in school...
He: are you a hacker!?
Me: ugh... no, but I like pentesting netw... (interrupted)
He: PLEASE HACK FB FOR ME!!!
Me: whoa, calm down... I can't...
He: I'll offer you ₹2000!
Me: ... No
He: Please!!! You are my friend!
*sigh* these people...

Setting up a local website here takes a couple of hours at least. Worst case scenario is 2 or 3 days.

I have to do it in 30m and the pc didn’t even had IIS or Sql Server studio.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!

When you are looking for the perfect job in the perfect place... but in the wrong time...

Some Indian mobile ISPs are blocking access to certain cryptocurrency sites and wallets. Using VPN 24x7 drains battery faster. Whereas using them for accessing one service and disabling them for other services is such a pain in ass... Fuck the government...😤

So i already worked 40 hours this week and i have still 8 more hours to go.

Made a shift from 08:30 till 23:30 and wannabe lead had the guts to tell me i could work from home.

Maybe it's not a bad idea to leave the office.

And fucking quit

Q. What most well renowned companies say when you ask for Linux support?
Ans. Not today!
😒😒😒

What the hell is wrong with android studio?! I want to try android app developmemt but whenever I launch the android studio it tells me that it needs updates to continue, that too are damn large, then it'll say grandle sync is not working, sometimes it will freeze and sometimes it will give random bullshit issues. It's the single piece of shit that never want to work!

Tried to write a short article about Javascript IIFE modules, ended up explaining about function block scoping all the way to closures before I eventually get to the IIFE module explanation itself...

I'm really bad at this 😓

Another fun thing. This morning one of the first mails i read was a issue about a bug in our software.

This was a bug i mentioned months ago but there was nog evidence where i searched like mails chats or tickets.

If people would just listen to me this bug was solved months ago but back then i got a reaction like: "works over here" while i tested it on two different instances with buggy results each time.

It's funny how these guys are entitled to receive special spam now and then😂🤣

When you're reviewing code so bad it would have been easier to just write it yourself...

Time for some bad puns I made up with my coworker when we were stuck in traffic. Got any dev puns of your own? Share them here!

Why is it called Python if it isn't a snake?
Why is it called Ruby if I can't put it on my jewellery?
Why is it called Rust if it's so clean?
Why is it called Go if it stays in the same place?
Why is it called Perl if it's so ugly?
Why is it called C# if I can't write music with it?
Why can't I drink Java?

The moment you get to know that github mixes Android and Java projects... It makes me so frustrated!!! I cannot look for the java only projects without pulling my hair... Forget looking for java libraries and goodies... The place is littered with Android's shit!!!

So PHP 7.2 according to its creator, is actually faster if you write bad code.

Well im not amused.

I wasted two days to solve the problem with loading meteor 1.3.4_1 just the last week, and now I suppose to update to 1.4 :'(

The good me: Comment everywhere, separation of concerns and DRY KISS.

The bad me: Ain't got time for that, it's the end result that matters.

Adobe labs released one new component, I played with it after two days. Went to an interview with huge company after two weeks for a developer position, the interviewers was from different departments, they asked about one technical challenge they have, then I suggest the new component as solution, they gave me small task to implement using the component, I delivered it next day... Then they hired me in R&D department. It was great days.

Without any proper JS knowledge careeroptions are very limited... and i won't be able to pay my rent without a job :/

In a team with 7+ Frontenders. Only one is vhecking my Pull requests. *sight*

My task was securing the server, and I finshed it... With only one mistake...
I updated the hosts.deny file to be ALL:ALL which are more secure... But I forgot to add any IPs in hosts.allow... The result is, nobody even me can connect to the server... Luckly it is internal testing server...

Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
No...
Inheritance🤣

Moved from EXT4 to F2FS on android... Let's see the improvement 😎

Started a new job this week, picking up the front end development of a property management system, since they're old developer just left.

Oh my god was his code bad, inconsistent use of js versions e.g only sometimes using lambda for anonymous functions, variable names that were a single letter, no comments, no documentation, and over 30000 lines split into almost 30 js files, following the logic of it is as fun as a hedge maze with no exit.

Heard yesterday this is my last week. I have 5 jobinterviews this week. Go!

Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.

State of almost every windows PC out there in India

Finally something good

So facebook invented new time unit. It's called flick.

Yes, No No, it is true... Are you sure?

PC was slow as shit yesterday, but this is taking 1,5 hours...
So far for productivity

Reviewing and explaining 1 year old bad application logic to your client because he asked for it and now he can't remember how the application work.

So, i started at this company about 4 months ago. So far i mostly worked in existing project and legacy code.

We started a new project for a pretty big client, and i'm the one who's responsible for setting the project up. The last two days i've been struggling with database issues. Finally got the site running locally about an hour ago.

And now i am running into troubles because i don't know how to set up a project yet since i only worked in existing projects.

Great. Can't say i'm not challenged here!

Don't you just love that moment when you see shit,

Flying.
In a bow.
Through the air.

And actually just starting, just starting, to hit the fan.

Three days before your deadline.

And it is crystal clear the project is gonna end up as a mess.
Total disaster.
But the best thing of all: it's not your fault.
So, you are actually celebrating the mess to come a little, and know that you can blame the guy who isn't trusting you as a new guy, and show him, with all his more years experience, he is the one who can't be trusted.

It sucks big time when you've put in days and nights on a particular project and later face flak for not delivering it on time. What can I do that it took time 🤷🏾‍♂️

I did not purposely intend to lose business hours, I only want to do my work properly with the full (or atleast some) knowledge of what I'm doing !

Guess I just had a Bad day 😅

My eyes always tired..

We have a external demo this thursday. We still need to merge a lot of branches and somehow get a online environment working.
It's 30C and my motivation is dropping by the hour.

At least im not the one to actually have to demo this for people in suits giving you a hard time.

But there are a lot of responsibilities open and no one is taking a lead or having somekind of plan.

she is good in debugging.... <3

is it bad that it's 3am and the best thing to happen since I woke up yesterday morning is 3 word story on here and I'm staying awake to see where it goes.

Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar

22.30 PM: "Please ceheck all the points in (30 pages long extremely bad and scarce) documentation. Import doesn't work and customer is pretty unhapy."

me: "So do we have an error or am I searching for a needle in a haystack?"

PM: "Just general error."

FFS i'm sick of this. I can't even test the import because it's on a stupid retarded 3rd party software that expexts CRs on new lines and craps all over the place if it sees a Line Feed&#^$/!&@$&'

My solution to avoid being a tech support guy to my friends. A friend pings me for tech support, then I ask them if they can do X thing on their system, and if they deny, I say, "Failing to do so = No support. So, GTFO." And then they say, "Oh shit! You are in Dev mode!"

I have this kind of bad habit:

let x = args.pop()
// do something with x
args.push(x)

My number in the queue is 1024.... OK, that is looks optimistic!

Stress ball level 99....