Man, we have a snake in our company.

This snake is responsible for terrible code. They oversee a offshore team, but hold them to no coding practices. They don't do code reviews or checks. They let them be lazy and get away with sloppy work every time.

And if you critize their team - they will defend them and get angry at you. You can't adress the problem because said snake is always around. He's in a senior position for giving our company cheap workers, doing years of damage to our product while the non-code savvy managers remain blissfully unaware of their product being ruined in the background.

This snake is the senior product office. He has a share in the company now. He is from the overshore team's country. That team now has their claws so dug into our companies roots and are just pumping lsd's into it constantly. Feels good untill you die from an overdose.

Here I am, the new junior software developer, trying to tear out the claws that have sunk into these roots. Im up against the snake. The snake hates me. I hate the snake. I am trying to open the eyes of the managers. They hate that. They want to silence me so I don't expose the awful, unprofessional level of work they do.

Well, that's too bad. I won't back down from this, snake.

Please sir please

@ynnk </3

Dear diary,
today I learned that pulling the power plug on my Raspberry Pi will turn it off. I wonder what I will learn tomorrow.

Okay so my co-workers explains why they give me the title "GitHub Maid":

Basically most of the time the engineering didn't have the time to scroll through issues, and that includes me, so a lot of this stuff does not get triaged properly when reported. When I stumbled on the tracker, I knew I had to do something, so I sorted and sorted and managed the tickets by my own.

So being a "GitHub Maid" is not something to be embarrassed about after all, in fact, I think the dev team owed me a lot because the issue tracker is more organized, and the issues are getting triaged and assigned properly now compared before.

So if they call you like something similar, be proud of it because some developers wouldn't even bother to tidy up issue tracking.

2019 resolutions/goals recap: (non-personal ones)
1) Improve diet (did; e.g. ramen and fast food to clean keto)
2) Lose weight (did; lost 24 pounds!)
3) Find a good job (did, twice)
4) Buy a harp (did not; large and expensive, no place to put it, and I have small children who would absolutely break it)
5) Keep house clean, even if it's by myself (did, somewhat; I cleaned some, managed to get one other person to clean semi-regularly, and another sporadically)
6) Work on social awkwardness (did; read and applied Dale Carnegie's The Art of Public Speaking, which netted me my last job offer. Still pretty awkward though)
7) Move out of the desert (did not; not enough money, and job didn't allow remote work)
8) Stop bloody waiting on people (did not; still very guilty of this...)

I don't remember the rest 🙁 didn't write them down last year. But I still accomplished 5 out of the 8 I remembered, with one being a pass, so 5/7!

-----

2020 resolutions/goals:
1) Finally move out of the desert
2) Invest 20% of my income every month
3) Reduce bills by 20%
4) Solve/address some health issues
5) Make a schedule so things regularly get done around the house, e.g. cleaning
6) Find some friends and make time for them
7) Replace Debian with something else
8) Revamp my backup system
9) Be proactive and stop waiting on people
10) Build a (stationary) coil gun for fun

First the program took like 35 seconds to execute, but after some optimizations such as switching from python to cpp, it took about 0.3 seconds

To be fair, Computer Science wasn't really a passion of mine. My parents, who wanted a quick buck when I graduate, chose the degree for me. They threatened not to pay for my college education if I took nothing else aside from Computer Science, and I was so engrossed with Molecular Biology that time. We were actually poor and the prospect of living with, at that time, toxic parents, for the rest of my life terrified me.

Then when I began to code for the first time, I realized I was so good at it and I loved it. I like worming my way through computers and how they work. I do get frustrated from time to time, but the sweet release of having solved a problem before excited me and I wanted to experience that again and again. It's a drug.

Long story short that's how Jenny became a dev.

Dude chaining in JavaScript is so fucking ugly but so trendy.

thing.doStuff().doThing().then().doMoreStuff().orDont()

Like fuck off with that.

When you're not ready yet for 2020

Client: Extend string size for that URL field. I have to input a really large URL in there.

Me: Please show me the URL first.

Client: Here it is //randomurl.com/random-route/15363783?i=jfjfjfjjfjfjhf&shit=jfjfjkfkfkgjfjjhh74747jdjh&you=kfjfjbhgg779hdhhd&not=jfjhdh63737#fuckingKiddingMe

Me: You can leave the whole part after the question mark. Insert it like //randomurl.com/random-route/15363783

Client: Ok, great. Thanks.

#####

Me later checking the data inserted:

//randomurl.com/random-route

I hate humans.

Courtesy of Programmer Jokes

Biggest terminal hack I've discovered till now which is so fucking obvious I can't believe I literally just started using it:

Executing the date command right before and after another command/series of commands to see how long shit takes.

$ date; command or commands; date

This is incredibly useful when rendering loads of data in screen sessions!

I actually feel rather retarded for only thinking of this now.

I stopped eating on my desk a few months ago and I've been witnessing some free entertainment since. I was having breakfast and two women sat at the table beside me. Mother and daughter. The daughter walked towards the restroom door and started knocking. This all happened in a span of five minutes.

Mother: "Make it fast!"

Daughter: "I know! I'm knocking!"

Mother: "What's taking her so long? Oh my god. It's like she (whoever is in the restroom) lives there! Knock some more!" *proceeds to roast whoever is in the restroom*

Daughter: "I already did!" *knocks again*

Mother: "It's 10AM already, let's go!"

Daughter: "Nooo! Emergerrrd I need to pee ashhdkdkeuoakansvttyjj!"

The daughter was jumping up and down throwing a tantrum like she has no strand of pubic hair on her. She looks like she's in her early 20's and is applying for a job.

Another woman sees the commotion and knocks on the door as well.

Mother: "Oh my god, is she dead in there? You should have knocked."

Daughter: "I diiiid!"

So there I was munching on my hash browns, waiting for an employee and her manager to come out, wishing this would be a scene in a porn movie, that the door is closed for so long because someone's fucking in there. Then the mother would confront the scandalous pair and then make it a threesome, drag her daughter in, a foursome. Drag another crew, a few others, a breakfast orgy or some shit.

But life disappoints me as always..

The waitress walked towards the door and pushes it, it opened. Nani?! So that was all for nothing?! But there was supposed to be a corpse in there, right? Or a lewd couple! How can this be?!

Mother: *growls* "You didn't push ittttt!"

It was more entertaining than the two tech leads threatening to punch each other in the face during a go live meeting.

Tl;Dr: People who make coffee their entire personality and people who do those shitty "if tired == true: drinkCoffee" type posts really annoy me.

Can I just say how much I fucking hate "rants" like these in my fucking feed?
No hard feelings to the poster, I'm sure you're a lovely person, and this rant is directed towards so many more people on this platform and not just you but oh my fucking god people who say this type of shit make me so fucking bored.

Like, yes, you want to drink coffee, that is a completely normal and basic thing for people who need energy. Drink some fucking coffee and be done with it then, instead of ranting about it on your shitty ass online profile where literally everybody-fucking-else is in the exact same boat as you.

You're not special, you're not interesting because you want to drink coffee, you are literally consuming liquid, that is quite possibly the most primitive and basic thing you can do, why the fuck should I care about your shitty ass caffeine addiction, as if it somehow represents your entire fucking personality?

It's almost like you people think drinking coffee is a fucking developer-only thing now, like no, people actually just drink coffee normally, yet still all I fucking see is "haha look guys I'm a coder I drink coffee aren't I just so original", it's like a fucking coffee cult.

I don't need to hear about your fucking caffeine addiction, I could bet the majority of people on this platform are the same way. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with coffee or even a caffeine addiction but people who feel like it somehow fucking defines them are so fucking annoying it is unbelievable.

It's almost like a circlejerk of coffee-drinkers at this point, like "haha guys we all drink coffee because we're TIRED haha it's FUNNY guys PLEASE LAUGH".

And that brings me onto another thing, although it's somewhat more justified considering the theme of the platform. This entire place feels like a fucking circlejerk of programming.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no elitist, I'm quite possibly the least skilled person on this site, honestly, but the amount of people who make those shitty-ass "if tired == true: drinkCoffee" type posts confuse me so much. You throw together some broken Python code in like 7.2s referencing how you need sleep or you code all night or some shit and people eat that shit up like it's their fucking religion, like what the fuck?

It's somewhat more excusable since the site itself is based around developers but jesus christ it annoys me for this exact reason, like yes, you can "code". Most of us can. It's why we're here, for fuck sake.

Sorry for such a long rant, if you've gotten this far, I want to say both Thank You and Sorry.

Dear thieves: don't steal a dev's phone.

So I lost my phone. Some thief in a motorcycle took it while I was using it outside my home.

It was crap anyway, and after putting it on Lost Mode and going to the cops about it I slept like a baby. So I lost nothing.

Now I have the perfect excuse to harass the thief, the fence, and the poor technician who will try to break into my phone. Hahaha.

I phoned my telco today about my SIM card loss, phoned the government telecommunications agency to apply for my phone to become IMEI blocked (rendering it useless to anyone), and sent messages over Lost Mode telling the thief to return my phone to the police station and get himself arrested and me suing him for the keks.

Meanwhile I still had TestFlight on my phone and I sent the thief insults through my iOs app that I personally use. I'm not sure it still works over Lost Mode, but just in case they break through, they will not hear the end of me. At least until the government IMEI blocks the thing.

Or that I will settle for 12 months of my wages. Plus the lawyer's cut.

Gonna start a blog where i take medium articles by retards and explain why is what they write stupid

I just reviewed a resume that has 18 pages. I thought I've seen the worst. I have three stories so hopefully, the people having a hard time finding a job would get something out of this. Some people just don't make sense.

Candidate no. 1: The guy has a specific section for "Personal Details" with information that includes the following:

Gender: Male
Race: <citizenship>
Nationality: <name of his country>

In the work experience, he indicated his responsibilities and one of them was "protect the name of the company at all costs". Wow, my pee pee hard. He has a shitload of Apple certifications and cancelled an interview before. On the date of his re-scheduled interview, the recruiter couldn't contact him. Probably died from an overdose of whatever drug he was on. Thank god, I did not want to waste both of our time.

Candidate no. 2: One of those "proactive" egotistical junior developers. So eager to trash other languages, elitist little fucks, and one of those "Windows bad, reeeeee" types. He said he only uses Linux but he can also use Windows because he would run a virtual machine in Windows that has Linux in it. Big brain 2020. I checked his LinkedIn profile and voila, the most recent of his activities was a shared post saying it should be illegal to push code that doesn't follow PEP8 standards. I crossed my fingers not to see an "HTML is not a programming language" shit in there.

I checked his portfolio, bloated piece of shit that has one of those rounded boxes in the middle. 50% nothing and 50% box that has all the details. He has menus named "Face" and "Emoji Events". He says there "I'm a pedantic programmer" and right after that statement are grammatical errors in various states of decomposition.

Interview day, he didn't miss the chance to tell me about how he wants everything to follow the standards and that his current company doesn't have good documentation so he's looking for other jobs. Strict about standards such as naming conventions but doesn't know data structures and algorithms. Epic priorities.

"Okay." I give him the assessment exam and left him alone for 30 minutes. I told him that he doesn't have to answer all of it and it's just a way to assess his knowledge (hint: try your best and be honest). I came back and he's browsing on his phone. He said he's looking for answers in SO but the connection went down.

"Okay." I checked the exam, no answers for most of it and the ones with answers are all wrong. Technically, you already cheated and yet you didn't get to answer all of it and you didn't even get anything right.

"Okay." He asks, "Do you use a lot of Math in the project?" I was confused. He then said that the exam has a lot of Math in it. The exam was a basic programming exam - how to swap the values of two variables, data structures, what is the time complexity of this and that, method resolution order, etc.

Candidate no. 3: A "full stack" developer. When you see that title, you know you're in for a carnival ride. Senior developer, almost 20 years of experience, has a Master's degree in a reputable university. Every page has a small box with some artsy style on it and a small chunk of information like where he graduated and shit. It's like a scrapbook of pain. This pattern repeated for the rest of the pages. I feel like I read a whole book and got nothing. Like you can ask me what the book I've been reading all day is about and I can't answer you because I don't fucking know. The amazing part is he would often have titles that look like this:

Software Develope
r

System Administrato
r

The fuck? I checked his LinkedIn and of course, I see that "Dear recruiters, if you're looking for blah blah blah, that's an entire IT department" cancer.

"Okay."

“That code is actually not shit at all..”
And
“That actually makes sense”

A: dns record.
AA: batery
AAA: batery
AAAA: dns record