Developing software through Remote Desktop should be fucking illegal.

I ended up quitting my first job for many reasons, but this talk still haunts me:

"our workers need to input this data and they tab a lot because [...]"

Me: "ok... Where do they get the data from?

"A standard model compiled via web, sent via mail and then printed for them."

Me: "..."

Them: "..."

Me: "how about we make the import automatic?"

Them: "but then what will our workers do?"

To this day I am still impacted by this dialog... Not much for the stupidity from a business logic point of view (there are many bad companies, and this is not the only one I met in my career), but rather for the implications our job has and for the fact bs jobs are a thing because we are SO used to the capitalism that the bad guys are the ones removing boring tasks, rather than the shitty system which forces you to do a repetitive and automatable task and which reduces you to a shell doing a job a machine could do... And thanks for the wasted paper/ink, global warming ain't gonna get worse on its own!

Parent: Your room is a mess
Me: You should see my code

*Flying slipper received*

Things I like about WFH
-save petrol and mileage
-work in underwear
-big TV during lunch
-time saved by no commute
-lie down during meetings

Things I dislike
-feel like my room has been invaded by work/miss the physical separation of work and home
-distractions and temptations
-they moved the stand up to ealier because of WFH
-Everything has to be a meeting. No just popping by someone's desk with a quick question

Sometimes I miss physically seeing my colleagues/getting out of the house but not often

I have a college that never seems to answer anything fully, just the bare minimum to make it seem like he did.

Regular conversations with him goes like this:

Me: “hey, I have a problem with this feature you added, I’m getting an error *insert error*”
Him: “yeah theres a script for that...”

Me: *wait for the script he mentioned*

Me: “whats the script?”
Him: “it’s FixIssues.sh”

Me: *looks for the script in the project*

Me: “hey, I can’t find it, where is it?”
Him: “here it is” *pastes a script into chat*
Me: “Oh, where can i find that in the project?”
Him: “you can’t”
Me: “???”
Him: “I have it in my OneDrive”

WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? Why this song and dance every time I ask something? This conversation could have been over in 1 minute but instead we both have to waste 15 minutes of our time to get this far.

I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY MURDER WHICHEVER SHITBRAINED INCOMPETENT MONKEY THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA TO RESPOND TO ANY AND ALL API ERRORS BY SENDING A RESPONSE WITH THE STATUS CODE 200 AND A BODY OF THE FUCKING STRING "error" AND NOTHING ELSE

WHY?!!?!?!??!

Eh ehe hehe he eh ehehe

On top of burnout, codebase issues, spec issues, burnout, the product butt that keeps on crapping, burnout, burnout, loathing for my employer... My local Apple SSL cert expired. I can’t finish this and push it anywhere for testing. I can’t even run my own specs anymore. And I don’t have permissions to make a new one. I can’t do anything at all.

Ehe he hehe

Deadline is in two days, and I’m just sitting here laughing quietly to myself. I might finally be going crazy

I found a loose bit of tangle, started to pull, and the world decided it was time to fall apart. Reality said it’s time to go. And I wasn’t even a good screwdriver dev. Byeee ~

Managers who always want their employees to turn on their webcam, what is wrong with you? I've done this willingly once in my life because a colleague asked nicely and said she just wanted to put a face on these names she works with. I personally don't need it but I can understand what she meant. But no, I will not do that stupid big ass video conference where everyone turns on their webcam and you post a screenshot of it on LinkedIn with some dumb ass motivational garbage. I simply do not want my face on that. Hell, I don't even want my name on it. I know I joked about it in a previous post but seriously, just fuck off.

My webcams are taped shut for a reason. I don't intend to use them, ever. You don't need to see my face to be able to work with me and I honestly do not care if you look like a troll or a goddamn porn star. Just do your job and I do mine. Even though we are working remotely, the distance doesn't change the fact that I hate this kind of interaction and the more you force me to do it, the more anti-social I become.

Before I continue, I should mention that I have a quality: I observe, find repetitive patterns and find ways to automate them. It just happens naturally, hardly ever intentionally.

I have been in this role for quite a while now. Most of my colleagues are of nationality X (I guess we all know what X is in IT projects). Naturally, there are lots of repetitions all over the place. So I started the automation.

The Frontend of the automation is a slack bot. It's just like another member of our team. And my goal was to make it as human-like as I could.

I launched the bot a few months ago.

Today I start my shift and see other employees of nationality X persistently asking my bot to join the conference call. Apparently, they assumed that the bot is just another X fellow...

Took them a while to give up.

What does that tell us about X.....

P.S. I have coded human-like conversation capability to keep on chatting even when the bot doesn't understand what it's asked to do.

I got a job. A job where I get to sit in front of a computer. I don't know what I'm doing yet... Developer is in the job title description. I'm scared. I'm excited. But most of all, I'm really glad that I get to stop stacking boxes for a living.

It's 20-fucking-21 and I'm still asked to provide paper copies of my thesis. 😐

It's snowing outside and I don't have a usb to copy my shit and bring it to the "copy and bind" guy, so this is gonna be fun. (said no one, ever)

Oh, also, offices are closed so handover is going to be even more fun. 😐

Manager A : "You've done a great job, you'll get a X raise"
Manager A: "I was not able to negotiate it, but you'll get a X bonus to compensate for it"
*Manager A leave the society*
Manager B: "A bonus? Never heard of it"
Me : Resign.

soooo Texas froze before Hell, thought it was never going to happen but it did 🥴

Had a meeting scheduled for today, but since my employees (crucial for the meeting) do not have power I had to reschedule.

VP: I saw that you cancelled the meeting
Me: yes I did sir, my people do not have power at their homes so I decided that we can postpone it for later.

VP: Understandable, I just wanted to see if you guys were ok.

Me: yes sir, we are thank you and yourself?

The rest of the conv was standard pleasantries.

Why can't it be like this for all devs around the world?

PROGRESS IS A LIE.

Let ME tell YOU: I'm NOT entirely sure what pisses me off the most. Game development sites where the vast majority of users can't CODE FOR SHIT, or programming sites that are just packed up to the FUCKING BRIM with web developers bitching about SEMICOLONS. I mean WAT. You ought to BLOW harder than a DICK RIPPING VACUUM CLEANER.

And like why is the web the center stage of FUCKING EVERYTHING but it still runs like SHIT. And why in the fuck are all these suitwearing FARTDRINKING MOTHER FUCKERS talking about USER EXPERIENCE when they CLEARLY don't give a single AIDS infected monkey rectum about it and continue to DEFECATE in the general direction of the consumer?

Honestly, this world is FUCKED upright but NOT because of that one mob of cunt-fearing JERKOFFS that dedicate their lives to waving around their PRICKS in everybody's faces just to show off how up the COCKSUCKING social scale they be. NAH, NAH. This world is fucked upright because if ANYTHING FUCKING WORKS, FUCKED IF ANYBODY KNOWS HOW.

We ACTIVELY promote ignorance. I know I do. I even use the tagline "This program takes care of X so you don't have to think about it". I even tell students "YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT" on a daily basis! I mean WE'RE JUST FUKED OVER HERE. There's no time to explain shit, just press the STUPID FUCKING BUTTON!! IT MAKES THING HAPPEN.

OH, BUT NOW THE BUTTON IS BROKEN AND I AM DEAD SO WHOS GONNA FIX IT. ANYBODY?

A hundred and fifty years later, some random peterstroking WANKER decides to use my goddamn femur as a fukkin CRACKPIPE and automatically experiences multiple simultaneous instances of shitting his pants like there's no tomorrow, after which he decides to step up to the challenge and bang his head against the keyboard for DECADES causing himself severe and irreversible BRAIN DAMAGE, and VOILA the STUPID FUCKING BUTTON WORKS AGAIN.

WELL, KINDA.

You see, THERES THIS ONE TESTICLE PUNCTURING BUG ON LINE WHATEVERTHEFUCK THAT MAY JUST RUIN YOUR LIFE BUT WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT? No one's going to fix it so just PRESS the STUPID FUCKING BUTTON!

Easy answers to hard questions! Instant solutions to lengthy as fuck problems! Sleepy? Take a pill! Can't get it up? Take a pill! Want to fucking die? TAKE A PILL! THERES A PILL FOR EVERYTHING! Only $99.99 big sale pay for two and take one, just for you and DOnT MiSS oUT oNT HIS OPPORTUNITY.

Oh, yes, OPPORTUNITY. THERE IS ONLY OPPORTUNITY. What kind of rancid, virulent cheese ferments on the BALLSACKS of these people? Do they ACTUALLY believe that shit?! Or even worse, THEY DON'T. They KNOW they bullshitting YOU AND THEMSELVES. But they CANNOT possibly conceive of another mode of being! So they continue to live falsely and be a super HUMONGOUS DICK buried DEEP within the ANUS of HUMANITY.

AND I KNOW I SHOULDVE SAID "ANNALS" BUT I REALLY NEED TO GET THE BUTTFUK IMAGE ACROSS AND I CANNOT TAKE CHANCES. I WAS VIOLATED. SOMEHOW, I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHY, ALL MY FONTS WENT FROM GLORIOUS DOS CP437 OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALL IT I DONT CARE, IT WENT FROM THAT TO FUCKING ANTIALIASED BLAND BULLSHIT AND I SPENT WAY LONGER THAN I SHOULDVE FIXING IT.

AND PEOPLE HAVE THE GALL TO ASK WHY I WANT THE DOS CHARSET, FUCK YOU. THE DOS CHARSET RULES. YOUR ROUND UNICODE HEARTS ♥ ARE SHIT. I WANT THE DOS ONE. THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE A SQUARE BUTT. NOW THAT IS A HEART. THAT IS LOVE. I CAN COLLECT RUPEES WITH THAT.

BUT WHAT DO I GET WHEN I CHANGE THE FONTS BACK? GIBBERISH. GIBBLEDYGOOK OR HOWEVER THE CHOKING FUCK YOU SPELL THAT. ALL I CAN SEE IS ïGPâ∞ΓÖÑΓÖú-NAΓÖÇ"8"┬úNΓûêëGDïGXïG\à└tX°ƒ÷─D{Wφï=|ëA╖▓VèA≤
(]AF╖╙f┬f╩èö7l7x7ä7Å7╢7╞7╠7╤7╪7α7∙78

I EDIT REGISTERS. I READ POST AFTER POST ON SHITTY SUPPORT SITES. TRY ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER. DO ALL SORTS OF FUCKED UP SHIT AND I STILL CANT GET MY 1981 HEARTS AND SMILY FACES TO SHOW UP.

OH AND WHAT ABOUT ALL MY ARTSY CONSOLERAT EXES? ALL FUCKED. GREAT. NOW I REALIZE THAT MY LEGACY IS NOT EVEN PORTABLE.

I AM ABOUT TO GO ON A KILLING SPREE, BUT AH. I DID IT. SOMEHOW. I FUCKING DID IT. I RESTORED PEACE TO MY KINGDOM. ALL IS WELL. AND I DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW. IT JUST WORKS NOW. SEE, JUST PRESS THE STUPID FUCKING BUTTON. IT DOES THE THING GET \0X24\0X24\0X24_SUKL_COQ_FUK94.BAT FROM THIS LINK TODAY AND SAVE ON YOUR NEXT PURCHASE PLUSPLUS GAIN A CHANCE TO HAVE ONE OF OUR FRONTEND DEVELOPERS GRAB A JUICY HANDFUL OF YOUR OWN BACKEND. WINK WINK.

IM DONE. NOW PLEASE LET ME DIE.

My pull requests count as office pranks so there you have it. Question answered. Problem solved.

What's an office?

Today's highlights include:

The offshore team has put code gems in production featuring the example code generated on project startup that you're supposed to delete or overwrite, an API endpoint that just returns the value 5, and various debugging console.logs. it's a delight reading their code.

My boss also forgot the meeting he called me in for so I've been sitting here waiting for 20 minutes when I could have gone home. I'm glad it's friday

Why did I choose to be a web dev?

I didn't. That's the first job I found, and I didn't wanna starve

My bf learning a programming language I already know. Him frustrated with it not working. Me in the same room watching anime. His mom calls. I go over and see if I can figure out what's not working while he's in the phone. He was trying to run from command line and wasn't in the right folder 😆

Pure spite really.

I do things better out of spite.

I picked my career out of spite, finished my degree out of spite, and currently work out of spite.