140
Comments
  • 17
    send emails to all important clients, telling them we finished our work with you and you worth nothing
  • 14
    delete everything on production I have access to it.
  • 17
    send a picture of my dick to all managers and say: suck it
  • 14
    oh my God, this feels good
  • 7
    Delete the prod
  • 7
    Well, from the outside it has to appear like you were the victim, otherwise nobody will hire you. 5M dollars will only get you so far.
  • 11
    @theuser 5M is enough to either start your own business or retire and have around 100000/year even if you're only around 30.

    So no need to get hired by someone else.
  • 5
    @ddephor Well, I guess it depends on your local currency and I wouldn't spend 5M on my own startup (we all know how it usually ends)
  • 7
    Maximum destruction mode.
  • 28
    Not sure why this is hard, go to your boss: "if you fire me I'll give you a share of the money I'll make"

    Minimum Viable Product here people
  • 4
    Permission denied
  • 8
    I'd NOT be destructive, I'd be honest and ask to be fired right away 🤷🏼‍♂️
  • 7
    Interrupt a meeting that the CEO is having with clients around the boardroom table. Climb on to the table, wip your trousers down, crouch and shit. Use the clients tie to wipe your arse. Take a swig of his coffee and leave. Wait in the CEOs office for your firing.
  • 10
    DROP DATABASE `production`;
  • 3
    @theuser I hope the $ of the original post was meant a US$.

    And I also wouldn't spend 5M on a startup, but I think between 100000 and 500000 should be a good start, and with the rest you're pretty safe to get by without having to have a big success within a few month.
  • 4
    And here a i live in a cou try were it's practically illegal to fire you immediately, there has to be a disciplinary hearing first, no way I know of to get fired inside of 48 hours.
  • 1
    Pay initial deposit!
  • 4
    Get heavily drunk and reach office with beer in hand. Go to each director's room/meeting and make a scene. Kiss each of their bald foreheads goodbye. Put cutlery in microwave and piss in the fridge while blasting 'I am sexy and I know it' on huge ass bluetooth speakers with max bass. End with striptease with pole dance right in the middle of the office asking all colleagues to put money in my underwear for the best corporate performance of their lives.
    Do it on a Monday morning.
  • 1
    Can this be week 148?
  • 2
    @lazyDev you ok buddy? 😂😂
  • 1
    Have you ever tried to get fired from a government job !
  • 3
    @sagar13 my current job would have you dragged out by security .... My *last* job would have had a video of it played at Christmas parties and you would have been made to simply clean up your mess. (Probably would have been slapped too)
  • 1
    Take a big shit on bosses desk. Wipe my ass with his mouse.

    (btw I've actually witnessed this being done in the Marine Corps, a few marines who were demoted and had extra duty were cleaning the CO's office and did this, and videoed, although I wasn't actually there I did watch the vid and also witnessed them getting Captains Mast (again) and brig time)
  • 4
    That reddit comment doesnt make sense though. Any remote repo that allows damage to master is badly set up, and should get devops in trouble.

    I would probably just take off my clothes and run around the office yelling "who's up for an orgy?". Not enough of a crime to get fined for where I live, but certainly enough to get you fired.

    Or you know, just sign an agreement with my boss stating "bittersweet is separating from the company as part of a strategic restructuring, he voluntarily agreed to forfeit all separation pay, he is not breaking up with us we are breaking up with him, etc"
  • 1
    @seraphimsystems Is your last job hiring?
  • 2
    Press ‘update all plugins’ on every wordpress, drupal and joomla website and then kiss the boss on the mouth and smack him on the buttocks while calling him ‘my daddy’ followed by a naked streeking through the building while teambagging my collegeas :)
  • 2
    I'm reminded of a place where in a management meeting once someone asked what was to stop anyone from typing del *.* on the 100Tb database..

    Not long after that, they started to back it up. :-)
  • 0
    @Nanos And still they can?
  • 1
    @theuser

    Oh I'm sure security is so much better these days..

    Not at all related to me moving to the edge of civilisation in a bunker..
  • 1
    Rm - r
  • 0
  • 1
    I'll put a bounty on that person's head for 47 millions, paid if their head is delivered within 47 hours
  • 1
    I work in SAP so I'll just delete all the standard tables from the production server
  • 1
    Run to sever room and pull on some random cables and hard drives
  • 1
    git filter and git push -f

    AHAHAHAHAH
  • 1
    100,000 emails into the spool, watch it burn from the inside out.
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