So I've just updated a chrome extension on an android tablet, with regex from my bed, also got said chrome extension running on said tablet...

Technology is getting good

I've got staff, I've got staff
And they bill time and a half;
Now I only write the gist you see
And they can code the rest

Open source, Fraying nerves
Smoothing out regression curves;
Try this framework, it's ambitious
It was made of spit and wishes.

Coffee rings, at first glance
But of course miss, he's freelance;
And this code base is a truly scary mess
I can't expand the menu
Even chance its home brew, unit test;
Unit test, unit test!

The network starts slowing down, transactions start to fail across the 450+ stores, the website starts to spit 500 errors what is going on?

Queue a frantic running around the office working out what was going wrong... Calls from all 3 data centres, nothing is going in or out of the network.

Notice the network admin come back to his desk, his eyebrows raise and he looks left and right before unplugging his laptop ethernet from one of the server access points

The network rushes back to life, everything is fine.

That particular network mapping tool is now banned for use on production.

Why is it that software has gotten so hardware heavy these days?

I get that some things require more ram, larger screen resolutions and games.

But even calculator apps are now in the hundreds of MB when the entire Microsoft office suite used to come on a couple of floppies.

Is it laziness and relying on ever higher level languages or is there some reason that stuff gets unnecessarily large now.

So after the team have been digging through to work out why the app is spitting out errors it turns out that turning off developer mode clears the issue up.

This thing has been spitting out errors since its release in 2012 but the engine was handling it internally 🤣

I need your help... This is my 11 year olds math homework, one of the questions anyway... I cannot work it out.

Mrs choy spent exactly £10 on exactly 100 eggs.

Large eggs cost 50p
Medium eggs cost 10p
Small eggs cost 5p

For two of the sizes, she bought the same number of eggs.

How many of each size did she buy

We have a system at work with captcha....

I may have renamed a few thousand images and people have been getting pissed...

Of course I remember the shift in filename so I just correct them and they look at me like "how the fuck is that a 6" and im like "well I think it's a 6, the computer thinks it's a 6... Have you had your eyes tested recently"

Half the office are wearing new glasses, the other half have decided that Google has "gone too far" and that "I bet their algorithm has fucked this up"

I'll change it back in a few more days with a note in the changelog about how a "particularly aggressive AI got out of hand and was being too selective"

My belvita suffered a serious vending machine accident .... I am not a happy bunny.

There are two types of people in this world, those that understand that arrays start at 0 and
Exception in thread "main" java.lang.IndexOutOfBoundsException: Index: 2, Size: 2 at java.util.ArrayList.rangeCheck(ArrayList.java:653) at java.util.ArrayList.get(ArrayList.java:429) at NewClass2.main(NewClass2.java:7)

Breakfast of kings (and Devs)

What do we do when the WiFi dont work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
On Ubuntu 18.10

Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Build it from the source code

What do you have on your business card and what should i put on mine?

I was thinking "Technical Analyst" but i dunno...

So my wife bought a really old android tablet (it's on gingerbread lol) so I've decided to bring it up to android pie, yes that means building a custom ROM, from scratch, for a 7 year old device. I will be documenting my progress and if I fail then at least it will be published research as the memory optimization in android pie is so much smoother now it should be good. If it fails I shall try to build android go to the device.

It's still got a 1.5ghz processor and 1gb of ram which should be fine so here's hoping.

So with my current windows heavy workload it is with a heavy heart that I commit to learning powershell. Wish me luck

So my endpoint management has started flagging up tiktok as containing malware, specifically hiddad.b can anyone confirm this? Anyone got a decent antivirus on their android ?

Sat at my desk dealing with the same 3 issues all day, picking at a tub of Bombay mix my wife gave me for lunch....

I've decided that the 3 stranded one is my favourite part, I think it's just sev where the noodles stuck together but I can't be sure.

If anyone knows I would be grateful to find out.

Another case of testing in production, who knew EA actually did testing?

I just completed my first live soldering project...

Converted my son's mobile (dangly plush animals and music not cell phone) from using 4 X C batteries (LR14) to using an AC-DC transformer

I hardwired it at 6v and it worked, and I didn't burn myself, and I cut a little gap for the wire and it's really snug so the solder is under no tension.

I tinned the wires beforehand like I knew what I was doing and for once I didn't fuck it up!

Sorry, just had to tell someone. The wife's asleep and she just won't understand.

One of our mandatory cookies is set for a 100year expiry...

Fuck you GoDaddy thats all I have to say, transcript attached.

http://imgur.com/a/PixiAUf

Yeah sure... how about I don't stay with you

Can you guys recommend the best domain host? GoDaddy are ok but it never hurts to ask

Just noticed a thread on r/programmerhumor about bank code intentionally adding delays with all these JavaScript code blocks of how it's adding sleep cycles in.

So I spent an hour reading the documentation and wrote up an over engineered solution in COBOL just to prove a point.

Great, passwords compromised, time to change all account details everywhere, fun and games....

Currently acing an interview, had to do a typing test, got 67wpm and 98% accuracy.

"If you want faster I'd have to bring my own keyboard, this one's a little small"

"You can go faster?"

Do you ever rush to your profile to read your recent comments because you suddenly think there's a chance you made a spelling mistake?

I would like to share my son's best joke so far.

Knock knock
Who's there?
The tower in France.
The tower in France who?
The tower in France, there's a man on top... it's Doctor who... Ooeeooo

I'm not looking forward to today, lots of hardware to send out, which means multiple trips up and down 3 flights of stairs :(

I have started using the input lockout when supporting colleagues.

The phrase "don't touch anything" must be code for "close all my windows"

Last one actually rebooted her machine in the middle of a (manager requested) intervention...

I got some very strange looks in the office to my "good afternoon, I'm calling to inform you that you will need to speak to HR to reinstate your credentials as I have accidentally marked you as a leaver while doing some database maintenance, I'll transfer you now, please hold" phone call, especially as we don't actually have access to do that lol

I put her on hold to myself while I finished then advised that "I'm sorry HR are busy, but I've managed to undo the mistake anyway, my apologies"

Kept her away from the machine so it was lawful evil right?

I need a way to create interactive flow charts (or decision trees) where you can click to expand, similar to zingtree but not hosted online. Is there any kind of software that can do this easily?