The guy who did android dev before me in the company i work for, didn't get paid for 2 months, so he moved all the project files he worked on to an empty partition and locked the drive with Windows' BitLocker. He didn't give the password until he was fully paid. I kinda respect that guy.

Developer: Can you upgrade my machine to Windows 10? I need it for SQL server 2019.

IT Guy: Sure.

Some time later...

IT Guy: Good news, Windows 10 is loaded. Bad news, I need to update TPM to enable Bitlocker but the firewall is blocking me from downloading the update. I will need to download it from home tonight.

Developer: But you're the IT administrator...

IT Guy: Yes...

Developer: ...

(The exact opposite of a rant, yay)
My school gave everyone in my class (and the two other 10th-grade CS classes) these neat 64GB USB sticks.

They are our property (paid by our fee every student has to pay every year so the school can afford paper for the printers, school books, and other materials such as USB sticks for 10th graders), but we have to keep some files for a lesson on the root of the USB (currently ~900MB).
That's not an issue, personal files go in my _Personal folder anyway.

Of course, I wanted to VeraCrypt all my USB drives I use at school, but since I don't have admin rights at our school and they use Windows 10, I just used BitLocker. Good enough, the only thing I want to achieve with encryption is other students being unable to read data off a lost drive (such as my _Personal data)

Also this stick is hella fast even with BitLocker enabled, 200 MB/s (minus 13 MB/s with enabled BitLocker) sequential r/w speed according to CrystalDiskMark.

By the way, Bitlocker is a joke.

My windows pro licence got automatically downgraded to home when I turned my laptop on today. Turns out it's a known bug since last month. Just when you think they can't get any worse. Bitlocker doesn't work anymore(only supports pro) and here I'm sitting in front my encrypted drives helplessly.

Public Service Announcement from the files of "Should have thought about that first":

Print your BitLocker recovery key before installing Hyper-V Services on a machine with encrypted drives.

Boss activates encryption on dashboard
we installed the software
2 machines get locked out coz drive got encrypted with bitlocker
No one received the 48 bit key from bitlocker
I loose all my work coz the only way to use my laptop was to format the drive
Me as the technical guy and knowing how encryption works i just formatted the drive

Boss blames me for the cluster fuck

So apparently bitlocker fucking hates it if you update your bios. 🤬

Got pulled away from the beauty of code yet again today to moonlight as tech support. Two people in my office got "bitlockered" in the same day... Imagine turning on your computer and finding out it needs a bitlocker recovery key when you never enabled bitlocker. Thanks Windows 10 + Dell.

Windows .... You are amazing ... Managing to change my BitLocker Key without telling me, crashed you Update as always and asking for the new key you did not told anybody about to recover yourself ... Great ... Just great....

Seriously thinking about to switch back to Linux like it was before and hiding these crap in VM ...

I just found out there is a 500 GB hidden and encrypted encrypted bitlocker drive on my Linux laptop. Thanks I guess? 😅

What do you windows users out there use for full disk encryption? Anyone using anything else than bitlocker?

Asking for a friend or some silly excuse like that.

What a consultant's gotta do for his timesheet when homeworking:

1. Fill in Excel, send to self by mail (corporate bitlocker protected PC on proxy that doesnt allow local printer connections)
2. Go upstairs to secondary Windows PC (no Excel on main Linux laptop) and open mail
3. Send to printer, wait 10 minutes (old printer needs to 'warm up')
4. Sign timesheet and go back upstairs
5. Scan signed version, send mail to self.
6. Open personal mail on corporate laptop, send to manager. (can't send directly from personal mail)
7. Wait to get back signed timesheet from manager
8. Finally, send to own admin dept.

2 story points completed, time for a break.

Did anyone had issues with BitLocker corrupting files and folders, and taking 2 days to finish encrypting a mostly empty drive? A checkdisk afterwards fixed most of the issues, but some files mysteriously vanished...

It's a company laptop, so I didn't have the choice about activating it.