Java is to JavaScript

: what Car is to Carpet
: what Swift is to Suzuki Swift
: what Perl is to a Pearl
: what Ruby is to a Ruby Gemstone
: what Go is to Go Home
: what Shell is to Sea Shell
: what Bash is to Big Bash
: what Alice is to Alice in wonderland
: what Rust is to Rusty Theron
: what Awk is to your Awkward cousin
: what Dart is to Darts
: what Julia is to Julia Roberts
: what Korn is to Corn
: what Maple is to Syrup
: what Caml is to a Camel
: what CHILL is to Netflix
: what Crack is to Crack
: what Curl is to Curls
: what Hugo is to Boss

To be continued..

Have a joke? Say it in comments
Criteria : programming language on left , analog on right

Wrote my first bash scripts today.

One installs a few packages (Brackets, VLC, Nodejs, chrome) and the other gets my preferred theme and icon set from gnome-look.org with curl and piping straight to tar -xz in tge proper folders.

They're simple, really, but you have to start from somewhere.

Now with that said, I'll let you know if they work ln the first try--about to install Ubuntu on a different machine

1. Linux. Mint, to be precise.
2. prolly would be bash
3. rest of the GNU toolset
4. curl

It is great feeling, to leave company and leave all your crap code to others :D

500 lines bash generic wrapper to curl (just to catch and print errors, not just silently fail as most devs tell curl to do).

It was monster that used "function overload" and "subclasses" (based on dynamic source files). Also dynamically created inline AWK script to parse curl output. It kinda worked, but amount of high-level hacks I had to use was enormous.

Never use Bash when you do not have to. Even if you have experience with it. Others don't have it and will fail miserably trying to patch your code. Just leave bash for fast bridging between programs, leave python/java/c#/go or any other proper OOP language for a job. Please ?

I wasted fucking hours just trying to find out why curl doesn't send the data I've interpolated from a variable.

It doesn't even send the fucking hardcoded part of the data. I've compared it with a curl command generated by firefox, which works fine. Literally the only difference is that I interpolate a variable and I've echoed the contents of that variable and that was fine as well. I've even checked the interpolated string and it was fine.

And then I moved more stuff into the hardcoded part and it just started to work.

Wtf is this bullshit. I really feel like learning intermediate bash scripting is just a waste of time, just how complicated can you make debugging something so simple.

Every fucking time I give bash scripting a chance this shit costs me so much time, patience and motivation, I really wanna prefer that shit to python, because managing python dependencies for a script sucks ass^2,, but at least I can get shit done in Python. Just fucking end me or give me a language that doesn't make me wanna shoot myself

I called the hack "blow up bunny", was in my first company.

We had 4 industrial printers which usually got fed by PHP / IPP to generate invoices / picking lists / ...

The dilemma started with inventory - we didn't have time to prepar due to a severe influenza going round (my team of 5 was down to 2 persons, where on was stuck with trying to maintain order. Overall I guess more than 40 % ill, of roughly 70 persons...)

Inventory was the kind of ultimate death process. Since the company sold mobile accessoires and other - small - stuff.

Small is the important word here....

Over 10 000 items were usually in stock.

Everything needed to be counted if open or (if closed) at least registered.

The dev task was to generate PDFs with SKUs and prefilled information to prevent disaster.

The problem wasn't printing.

The problem was time and size.

To generate lists for > 10 000 articles, matching SKUs, segmented by number of teams isn't fun.

To print it even less. Especially since printers can and will fail - if you send nonstop, there is a high chance that the printer get's stuck since the printers command buffer get's cranky and so on.

It was my longest working day: 18 hours.

In the end "Blow up bunny" did something incredibly stupid: It was a not so trivial bash pipeline which "blew up" the large PDF in a max of 5 pages, sent it to one of the 4 printers in round robin fashion.

After a max of 4 iterations, bunny was called.

"bunny" was the fun part.

Via IPP you can of course watch the printer queue.

So...

Check if queue was empty, start next round with determined empty printer queues.

Not so easy already. But due to the amount of pages this could fail too.

This was the moment where my brain suddenly got stuck aft 4 o clock in the morning in a very dark and spookey empty company - what if the printer get's stuck? I could send an reset queue or stuff like that, but all in all - dead is dead. Paper Jam is paper jam.

So... I just added all cups servers to the curl list of bunny.

Yes. I printed on all > 50 printers on 4 beefy CUPS servers in the whole company.

It worked.

People were pretty pissed since collecting them was a pita... But it worked.

And in less than 2 hours, which I would have never believed (cannot remember the previous time or number of pages...)

Software development is so rotten: So I had to compile curl 32 bit. But just to create the configure script I needed friggin autoconf, libtooling and 2 other packages which homebrew would not install, because there were too many github-API requests. So I created a fucking github account just to create a token, import it in my bash to enable more requests. And it even worked. That is the scandal: That this whole shattered, stinking abomination of a process even produces some software you might actually run... and that we are using it.